


Magic Eight Ball

by folerdetdufoler



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Journalism, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2020-09-15 07:02:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 183,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20291839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/folerdetdufoler/pseuds/folerdetdufoler
Summary: The bullpen is the main floor of the headquarters forThe Evening News. The whole office takes up three floors, but the top two floors are only rooms running along the outer walls of the building, so the bullpen is open from the cubicles that fill the center all the way to the roof. A grand staircase connects the floors at the north end of the bullpen, and the Chief prefers to make his company-wide announcements from these steps, looking out over his employees gathered below him.Isak has been atThe Evening Newsfor about two years, mostly focusing on government and politics, though he has a wide variety of reporting under his belt. His cubicle is in the bullpen, but at the edge, across from the offices along one wall. When the Chief makes his announcements Isak stands near the middle, leaning against someone else's cube, reading emails on his phone instead of paying attention. This time, though, the Chief is introducing some new hires to the office: a sports editor, a city editor, and a marketing head. When Isak looks up to finally acknowledge the new team members, he gets a good look at the guy who is going to make his life a living hell.





	1. Source

**Author's Note:**

> this started as [a prompt i received on tumblr](https://folerdetdufoler.tumblr.com/post/178918233815/hoy-sometimes-take-prompts-right-one-occurred-to). so far it has deviated from my initial answer, but the general idea is still there: two employees at a newspaper who start off on the wrong foot (and stay that way for a frustrating length of time). not to spoil it in the tags, but you know how it goes.
> 
> <strike>i'm going to do my best to keep to a weekly posting schedule, a new chapter every sunday morning (gmt-4), but because i don't have an outline or a very predictable lifestyle, that might change. i'll try to keep you updated, if necessary, on social media.</strike> [lol fuck that] eventually it will be an explicit fic, and i'll update the rating once things heat up. i also don't know how many chapters it will be, but i will add a count when i've figured that out/we are closer to the end.
> 
> as always, i appreciate any and all comments. i love hearing from you, on what works and what doesn't, as it helps me improve my writing and better understand _you_. i'm happy to answer any questions, or at least try to. a lot of asks are sent to tumblr too, which you can find under [the fic tag on my blog](https://folerdetdufoler.tumblr.com/tagged/magic-eight-ball). thank you for reading!

In the two years that Isak has worked at _The Evening News_, twenty-five journalists have been let go. Ten went due to “restructuring” last year, when they didn’t actually change the structure of the newspaper teams, just shrunk down their sizes. A more appropriately named “downsizing” happened six months ago, which took eight more people out of the bullpen. Most of their cubicles were now used for storage, but two of them were cleaned up to be rotational desks, basic workstations that contract workers could use whenever they visited the office. The rest of the twenty-five have been fired for individual reasons: one of them had a secret Twitter account that was used to solicit sex, one had violated their non-compete clause with another newspaper, one was stealing an absurd amount of pens from the supply room for reasons no one could figure out, etc. Isak wasn’t too concerned about those offenders, as they were digging their own graves. But the budget cuts that sent hard-working journalists packing simply because the newspaper couldn’t afford their skills made him nervous. He hadn’t been with the newspaper for very long compared to the veterans he shared the bullpen with, and he felt like that meant there was a target on his back for the next round. His coworkers in general were a pessimistic folk (which tended to happen when you were reporting on the state of the world today), and they rarely offered reassurance in terms of his job security. If he ever voiced any worry, they would just clap him on the shoulder and say, “Yeah, but you could probably get paid more as a freelancer, Isak.” So he stopped talking about it.

It was difficult to avoid the general chatter, the low-key fear that the journalists carried into work with them each day. Was this going to be the day they finally confirmed their huge source for the expose they’d been working on for months? Or was it going to be the day they’d be called into the Chief’s office and told it was time to pack up their cubicle? There were only two options, and anxiety about both flooded the bullpen daily.

Which is why most of them ended up at Nine’s, a nearby bar connected to a hotel. It was great because it was close to the office, and the traveling businessmen having meetings in the booths often spoke too loud. Isak’s coworkers went to Nine’s to decompress at the end of the week and to listen for potential leads on stories. Isak had never heard anything relevant to his beat, or even anything juicy enough to pass on to someone else, but there was an often-repeated story about a serial killer case that was solved because someone overheard a drunk witness in the booth behind him. The manager of Nine’s even had the front-page story framed and on display over the exact booth, but at that point it was more of an established rumor than anything. The bar was not mentioned in the story at all, and the reporter had never stepped up to confirm anything. But the story was on the wall, and the booth was a favorite with Isak’s group for the journalistic romance of it all. And it was a good story to tell when you were drunk.

That’s where they were, the four of them, when Marius leaned in over their beers and asked if anyone had heard about the new hires. Isak coughed in surprise. “What the fuck do you mean, new hires?”

“More _restructuring_, but it’s actually to bring in three section heads.”

“Three?!” squeaked Maja. The surprise was so great that her whole body shook and her thin white-blonde hair fell into her face.

Marius’s eyes were wide when he nodded. Anything bigger than zero was a shocking number.

“Shit,” Isak mumbled into his beer. Similar curse words floated up from Maja and Kari Anne. Instead of being excited for the new blood, the more robust teams, or even the idea that the newspaper was focusing on hiring talent, they all assumed this meant another round of cuts to make room for the new people in the budget.

But before he got too sour, Isak got to work: “Wait, source?” Marius should know better than to start a rumor like that, so he didn’t doubt that it wasn’t legitimate, but a source would lead him to context.

Marius pulled his beer into his chest and leaned over the table. “Ida.”

Kari Anne let out a low whistle.

“Why the fuck is our human resources rep telling you about new hires before they’re announced?” It was a solid source, which made Isak suspicious.

Marius just raised his eyebrows in response. Maja and Kari Anne gasped, clearly understanding what the eyebrows meant. Isak was lost.

“I don’t get it.”

Maja’s voice was small when she explained. “Marius is fucking Ida.”

“Bullshit,” Isak declared, loud enough to turn heads in other booths.

Marius just shrugged, daring Isak to challenge him further. His tie was loose and collar unbuttoned, giving him an air of recklessness that matched the claim of a risqué affair.

“You spend 90% of your day sending me shitty memes over email. When the fuck have you had time to seduce Ida, let alone do your actual job?”

Kari Anne reached across the table and pressed her hand over Isak’s. “Shhhh.” He glanced at it, heard her warning, but was not interested in heeding it.

“I understand why you would be upset, Isak, but you asked for my source and that is it. She told me they’re going to send a memo on Monday morning, the first day for the new kids, and then introduce them in the bullpen shortly thereafter.”

“Ugh. That means the Chief is going to give a speech.” Out of all of this, the speech is what seemed to disgust Maja the most.

“Might as well throw away the whole morning,” Kari Anne commiserated.

“We should all call in sick and then make miraculous recoveries at lunch.”

Marius held up his pint glass to toast to Maja’s plan. It was silly, but Isak had to admit that it was tempting. Monday mornings were usually a waste of time in the office anyway, so Isak took a long swig of his beer in silent agreement.

* * *

Out on the sidewalk Isak waited while everyone else lit up cigarettes. He had given up smoking, even socially, for the new year, and he was proud of the five months he had managed. It was difficult being around others while they were smoking, the smell and the familiar hand gestures making him miss it, but he could handle it now, when he knew they were all separating soon. They would walk to the bus stop together and then break off into pairs to their own neighborhoods. The temptation faded as he and Kari Anne went their own way. Eventually she took one last drag and stubbed out her cigarette on the side of the bus shelter. She expertly flicked it into the trash bin next to them. “God, that rumor really fucked Maja up.”

“The new hires?”

“Yeah, but not that. The fact that Marius is fucking Ida.”

“Why?”

“Isak, hello, she’s been in love with him since like, day one.”

Marius, Maja, Kari Anne, and Isak had been hired around the same time, so their small group bonded over the fact that they were the new people for a while. They helped each other out, learning how to survive in a new office, and that grew into a natural friendship. Apparently it had been more than just a friendship for Maja, though.

“Okay, but Marius is an absolute slut.”

“Yeah, and it kills her every time he runs to your cubicle to makes you guess who he fucked the night before.”

Isak groaned, both for Maja’s pain and his own at having to suffer through those games. “I’ll try to get him to stop.”

“Fucking, or just telling you about it?”

“Ideally both. He’s going to cause some sort of outbreak in the office.”

“I’ve told that to Maja too, but apparently love does not care about Chlamydia.”

“Shit,” he mumbled again.

“I mean, it’s not your fault, Isak. He’s not your responsibility. I’m just…well I guess I’m telling you Maja’s secret. Ugh.” Kari Anne dropped her head into her hands. Isak saw their bus approaching, so he nudged her shoulder to get her to pay attention.

“Is it really a secret? Or is it just one of those things that everyone knows but doesn’t talk about? Well everyone but Marius and me.” They stepped closer to the vague line that was forming to board. It was late, and Friday, so there was a mix of people heading out to bars and heading home from them. For his age he should’ve been one of the people heading out, again, but he was simply too tired. He ushered Kari Anne in front of him. He had to lean in close to hear her answer.

“Well she’s never actually told _me_ about it, but anyone with two eyes can tell just by the way she hovers around him. And it’s at that point where I think she knows I know, so I'm sure we’ll talk about it soon as if I knew the whole time.”

Isak snorted. “Guess I’ve been a bit blind.” They boarded the bus and followed the crowd as far back as they could, then latched onto a pole for the ride. Kari Anne looked up at him.

“I don’t know if you’re blind like other guys are blind. You seem to…purposefully not care about other people’s relationship business, whereas other guys are just stupid.”

He nodded. It was an accurate observation. He avoided that particular kind of gossip or even the direct talk about it for a reason. But he didn’t explore that now. “Glad I’m not stupid.”

“Of course not. It makes sense that you haven’t picked up on it, so maybe that’s why I was telling you. And we don’t have to talk about it anymore. But you’ll probably notice it now that you know. We all tend to hang out together anyway, but if Marius ever proposes a thing for our group to do, watch how fast Maja jumps on it, and recruits everyone else.”

“Okay.”

They were quiet for the rest of the ride home, both of them tipsy and tired and without anything new to share. Isak listened to the conversations that swirled around him, though he didn’t put much effort into sorting them out. He looked down at Kari Anne’s brown hair, the straight part down the middle and then the way the ends spilled out over her shoulder. She only came up to his chin, which wasn’t short, exactly, but if you only knew her from her emails you would think she were a giant. She had a fearlessness in business that disappeared, or at least softened, when she was among friends. He was oddly tempted to rest his chin on her head, craving her steady softness. He did not.

Kari Anne’s stop was two before his. She stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek, before squeezing around him to get to the door. While they had joked about it at length at the bar, they would both be at their desks bright and early on Monday morning, so they said goodbye knowing that nothing would change.

Their group chat would keep them company throughout the weekend. The news never stopped so neither did they. Isak would pay more attention to Maja’s replies now, noticing her dedication to Marius that he hadn’t seen before. Then they would all gather on Monday morning, grouped in the middle of the bullpen and leaning up against Arthur’s cubicle, mocking the Chief’s announcement under their breaths. The usual.

Isak hopped off the bus, relishing the quiet of the streets that led to his apartment. He walked slowly. He wasn’t exactly dreading getting home, but he wasn’t in any rush to either.

When he walked in the door, even though it was late, he called out to her. “Emma?”

There was a faint, “Bed!” drifting down the hallway from that very location. Isak then noticed that the apartment was dark, that Emma had shut everything down for the night. He took off his shoes and jacket and padded toward the bathroom.

He prepared his toothbrush and went to the doorway to say hello. “Sorry to keep you up.”

She was sitting up against the headboard, and the lamp on her bedside table was on. “No, I was reading.”

“Book five?” His questions were short once his mouth was filled with foam.

“I finished that this afternoon and I immediately started six. I hope I can finish this one before my flight.”

Emma was rereading the Harry Potter series. She was using the same hardcover set she had when she was younger, and none of them had their original jackets, so Isak couldn’t tell how far along she was. He had made a promise to read along with her this time, but never picked up the first book when she started. He’d said she read much faster than him anyway; he would only slow her down. He’d been right. Most nights she would get ready for bed, sit up against the headboard, and read for an hour or so, the book resting against her knees and her shaggy brown hair pulled away from her face with a thick elastic band. She was dedicated to this.

“Good luck.”

She glanced at him and gave him a quick smile before returning to the page. “Thank you.”

He went back to the bathroom to spit.

Isak usually wore boxers to bed. In the winter sometimes he wore proper pajamas. And if the heat in the summer was unbearable, he was completely naked. But usually just boxers. Emma wore t-shirts. She bought plain white ones, oversized, that hit mid-thigh. They were cheaper than pajamas and served the same purpose. It was sexy, Isak supposed, because she didn’t wear anything underneath. If it was a lazy weekend and she didn’t put on anything else, sometimes she would walk around and bend over and he’d be treated to her round ass on display. He didn’t know if it was the sight of the ass that was sexy, or if it was more about the access to it. He could, at any moment, just reach out and claim the smooth skin for his own pleasure. But he didn’t. He rinsed his toothbrush, stripped down to his boxers, and climbed into the other side of their bed.

He did not reach out for Emma. She did not reach out for him. She closed her book and turned off the light and they fell asleep.


	2. Introduction

Emma’s flight was on Sunday. She did not finish her book in time, so she left it at home on the bed. Isak went with her to the train station, bought her a ticket to the airport, and sent her off with a quick kiss. She demanded a hug though, too, so she could take a picture of herself pressed to his chest, her designer suitcase in the bottom of the shot. He followed her art direction and waited while she clicked through a few angles. Then she left; Emma grabbed her suitcase and skipped out onto the train platform without another word.

Isak felt his whole body relax, slowly, as he made his way back to the apartment. Emma was going to be in Italy for a week, her agent having booked two shoots for her and a couple of meetings with designers. It was awfully efficient compared to what she used to have to do, but that was probably because her status was growing. She was becoming a higher priority for the agency.

He was happy for her, happy for her success. It hadn’t changed her much, aside from taking more pictures of her daily life, though he didn’t know if that was simply what everyone else was doing anyway, in that eternal chase for validation on the internet. He was happy for her, and he was happy to play along. But he was happiest when she was gone. It was one less thing for him to be concerned about throughout the day, knowing that she was getting the attention and content that she needed from other people, and that she would come home proclaiming how much she missed him. In the meantime he could focus on his stories, eat junk food, and masturbate freely, closing his eyes for a fantasy instead of having to look at the body in bed next to him.

Emma traveled often enough that Isak never focused on any sort of guilt he had when she was gone. It didn’t feel like an escape or a vacation from a more stressful existence, but rather a slightly more pleasant few days. After all, she wasn’t ever that far away, since he dutifully watched the details of her travels on Instagram and texted how bored he was without her. This time, he had a few hours before he would need to check in, to send something while she was in the air so she’d receive it as soon as she touched down. He detoured to pick up a burrito and chips for dinner, then let out a sigh of relief as soon as he was back in the apartment.

After a brief debate (which was quite one-sided, actually), Isak left the burrito on the counter and went straight to bed. His pants and boxers came off along the way, but he didn’t leave a mess. He wasn’t going to regress completely in Emma’s absence.

But he was going to flop onto the bed naked and jerk off for a solid twenty minutes.

* * *

Despite what many men would consider an evening of self-care the night before, Monday morning was rough. He read the company-wide memo announcing the three new team leaders on the bus, and then ran to his cubicle just as people were starting to gather in the bullpen for the in-person introduction. He was late and annoyed and the only bright part of his morning was when Kari Anne waved him over to their group just in time for him to hear the Chief greet the crowd.

“Since I’m sure you all read my email, I’m going to keep this brief.” The bullpen tittered at the attempt at self-awareness. Isak kept his head lowered over his phone, as every other email he’d ever received was more important than this. Even the one that seemed to be written by a thirteen-year-old, confirming a meet-up at a bar at 11.

“Linnea is coming in as the editor of our sports team. All of our reporters are remaining in place, but will be grouped under her to streamline the section’s editorial overview and communication with other departments. The same goes for city coverage with Jakob. And he’s asked me to clarify this, but Even is heading up marketing and our socials, which as you know, impacts all of our reporting departments. You are not reporting _to_ him, but you are reporting _with_ him. He’ll be in touch with the best ways to communicate your stories within his content system and with our readers.”

A few people had bristled over the Chief’s wording of Even’s new position, feeling like he was taking control over the entire newsroom simply because he now had the passwords to all of the official twitter accounts. Their group chat had their little gripes about the new heads creating new work flows, but all of them were smart enough to know this was just the social media guy.

Marius was the only one of them directly affected by a new hire, since he’d now be reporting to Linnea, but Ida had assured him nothing was actually changing. She had summed it up as “the Chief putting people in place so he can pay less attention to what you write,” which is what Marius shared with everyone else. The one good thing about their little affair is that they had it on good authority that freaking out was absolutely not necessary.

So it was strange, when Isak finally looked up at the Chief and their three new employees, that something flared up in Isak. He didn’t know what it was, but all of a sudden he was very aware of his body. He ran a hand through his hair and felt heat coming off of his skin. His spine straightened. He got nervous. He’d lost the confidence that he’d been using to brush off this whole meeting, simply because he’d looked up and saw who the Chief was talking about.

He glanced around at the rest of the bullpen. Everyone else seemed to be paying attention to the Chief, or at least the new people, which was rare. Linnea stepped forward to give a little wave and point out where her office was “for anyone who would like to stop by to discuss their favorite team.” Jakob did the same and asked for tips on anything Oslo-related, “nothing is too small!”

When Even stepped up, Isak’s heart started to race. He glanced around again to see if anyone noticed, if anyone could hear it thundering in his chest.

“I’m Even. Some of you may know me as a sarcastic roll of toilet paper on twitter, but I promise there’s a little more to me than that. I’m excited to be joining your team and I’ll try my hardest not to turn everything into a joke. My office is over there, and I’ll be happy to offer an unbiased opinion on the best brand of toilet paper for your needs.”

Someone yelled out from the crowd, “Not a great start, Even!” which earned some actual laughs.

Even held out his hands and smiled. “Hey, it’s my first day.” This got everyone laughing, and the bullpen quickly broke out into relaxed chatter. The Chief pretended he was the one who was dismissing his employees, instead of Even’s easy banter doing it for him.

Kari Anne grabbed Isak’s wrist and tugged him out of his stupor. They all squeezed into her cubicle, the closest one, for a quick recap with low voices.

“Not too bad,” she summed up.

“Jakob is cute,” Maja contributed. Everyone, including Maja, glanced at Marius for his reaction, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“I think he’s married, babe.”

Isak didn’t know if Maja was being serious, but Kari Anne was shutting her down anyway.

“Linnea’s office is close enough to my cubicle that I think I can just roll my chair across the hallway. Or even shout! Oh shit, maybe we can start up some hallway football.”

“The last time you did that you ended up hitting Celine in the head,” Isak reminded him.

“Yeah, well, the mistake there was using a real ball. I will get something softer this time.”

Isak snorted, “Because you know your aim won’t actually improve?”

Marius shoved Isak into the wall, which knocked Kari Anne’s calendar off of its hook.

“Guys, come on.”

“He’s just jealous I don’t invite him to our games.”

Isak was not jealous. He had no interest in getting smacked in the head with an errant kick, which had happened to more people than just Celine. But he was distracted by the fact that he was thinking about how Even’s office was close to his own cubicle. He wasn’t within football-playing distance, but Even was on the opposite side of the bullpen from the rest of the marketing team, which didn’t match how Linnea and Jakob were sorted. Isak stepped out of the cubicle to confirm this.

“Oi, since Emma is gone, do you want to do Nine’s tonight?” Marius caught his elbow.

“It’s Monday.”

“Yeah, and? Don’t you need someone to eat dinner with?”

Isak snorted again. “I don’t need you to hold my hand when my girlfriend isn’t here, Marius.”

He shrugged. “Just trying to be nice.”

Isak clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks man, but I’m good.” He headed back to his desk, hearing only a casual offer from Maja to join Marius at Nine’s as he left.

* * *

To Isak’s strange disappointment, Even’s office was close. Distractingly close. When Isak sat at his desk, his view over the left-hand corner of his screen slipped into Even’s office at an angle. If Even was leaning forward at his desk, which he sometimes did, apparently, to get closer to his computer screen, Isak could see his profile. The whole morning Isak’s eyes kept flicking over to his office every time he sensed motion in his peripheral vision, and it happened often, as Even was constantly interrupted. He quickly got fed up with it.

“Uh…you okay there, Isak?” Marthe stood up and looked over the wall that divided their cubicles. The sudden burst of noise as Isak wrangled his monitor was drawing eyes.

“Yeah, there’s just a…glare.” With a grunt he’d freed the wires snaking into a hole behind it.

Marthe looked around. There were no windows to let direct sunlight reach them, nor had there been any in the two years they’d been in these cubicles, facing the same faux walls. But Isak had that look on his face that meant he wasn’t to be persuaded otherwise, let alone interrupted during his mission. She returned to her seat.

Isak sat down and tested the new view. The monitor was in the correct position but it needed to be higher to completely block Even’s door. He fiddled with the stand behind it to adjust the height, arching himself over the top to access it. When he’d managed to yank it up several centimeters he stood up straight and admired his accomplishment.

Marthe had stopped watching his commotion, but he’d attracted someone else’s attention. When Isak looked up he saw Even standing in his doorway, staring at him.

Isak immediately dropped back down to his seat, hiding behind the new addition to his wall. He could hear Even approaching though, so he scrambled to gather his phone, recorder, notebook, and water bottle in his messenger bag. He could avoid him by running to his meeting, even though it wasn’t for another thirty minutes.

Even stopped in the entrance to his cubicle. “Isak?”

When Isak turned around, Even was still looking at his nameplate. “Yes?”

Even’s eyes took a quick scan of Isak’s cubicle before landing on his face. “Hi, I’m Even.” His hand shot out in front of him, waiting for a shake. Isak took it slowly and lightly, not committing to the greeting.

“Gathered as much, from the whole meeting earlier.”

“Right, ah. Well, I just noticed you fixing your computer and I was wond—“

“Actually I need to run.” Isak lifted his bag and crossed the strap over his chest. He stepped forward, not to get closer to Even but to force him out of his way. Even stumbled backward. “Sorry Eivind.”

“It’s Ev—“

Isak cut him off again with a wave over his head, already several long strides down the hall.

He didn’t slow his pace until he’d reached the lobby, where he stopped to gather his breath. Then he picked it up again as he stepped outside, just in case Even was watching from one of his windows, the ones with direct sunlight.

* * *

Isak’s source was a bust. He sat through about fifteen minutes of an interview, ten of which were spent reassuring him he wouldn’t be reported. He would be on the record, but Isak wasn’t going to arrest him for anything he said. Of course, no matter what Isak said the kid kept his guard up, and Isak left him with a curt, “If you feel like actually answering my questions, email me. But I don’t have time to hold your hand through your paranoia.”

He returned to the office the same way he’d left it: feeling like he’d just lost.

It was confusing. And disappointing. He walked back to his desk with his head hanging low, trying to figure out if he could work around this failed source to get the actual story he was looking for. He was surprised, then, when he finally turned into his cubicle to find his seat already occupied. He shouldn’t have been, because it was Marius, and Marius did this often. But it surprised him out of his contemplation. Marius held up a finger when he noticed Isak, as he needed to finish his phone call before Isak did anything else.

“Marius, we have phone rooms for this exact purpose.” Isak pulled his bag off of his shoulder and dropped it onto his desk, not listening to the finger.

“Okay, great. I’ll see you Thursday. Thank you! Bye.”

Not only was Marius in his seat, he was using Isak’s paper and pencil to record whatever appointment he’d just set up. Marius ripped off his notes before he stood. “This is my good luck chair, you know that.”

“What?!”

“I always nail my leads when I make phone calls here. This“—Marius waved the paper in Isak’s face—“is how I’m going to spend two weeks trailing one of our greatest football players right up to the quarterfinals.” Marius's smile was wide, full of glee and pride. His longer brown hair was falling into his eyes as he did some sort of shimmy to continue his gloat.

“Does that mean you won’t be in my cubicle for two straight weeks? Then congratulations.”

Isak wasn’t in the mood to celebrate Marius’s success in light of what had just happened, but Marius didn’t care. He stuck his tongue out at Isak and finally hopped out of his way. “By the way, something is weird about your desk.” Marius left before Isak could explain. So, he just collapsed into his chair, letting the momentum of his sigh send him in a slow spin.

“Isak?”

The voice was another surprise. Isak made a controlled spin to the doorway of his cubicle, trying to disguise how his shoulders had jumped. Even was standing there, again.

“Yes?” Having to look up at Even from a seated position made Isak uncomfortable, so he pretended to be busy looking at something else. Anything else.

“Um, I was wondering if you could show me how you changed your monitor height. I saw you fixing your computer earlier and I think I have the same problem. I don’t want to hunch over my screen all day long.”

“Don’t you have an assistant who could help you with that?” Surely there was some entry-level marketing assistant who would get blamed for all of the poorly-worded tweets even though they were someone else’s responsibility.

“Technically yes but since I saw you actually fixing your own computer I thought you would be a better help.”

It was true. Isak had learned the delicate art of computer wrangling from Peder, and he had passed it on from a random coworker who came before him. Sure, you could file a ticket with IT to get it adjusted, but surviving in the bullpen required faster thinking and strategic alliances. Even seemed to know this, and was reaching out in a logical way, getting an answer directly instead of going through his assistant for the sake of that chain. So Isak could not deny him. As much as he didn’t want to, he didn’t have a good reason not to, so he pushed himself up out of his chair and stepped right up to Even until he moved to the side.

Yes, that position was much more comfortable. Even bowed his head slightly as he moved.

Isak walked to Even’s office, trusting that he was following. He waited until Even was next to him at his desk, then he began a swift tutorial. “There’s a lever on the stand, which you kind of have to feel with your hand.” Isak leaned over and reached down to finger the small piece of plastic. He clicked it open, which let the stand move up or down, and he lifted the screen with his free hand. He raised and set the height, letting the lever click in place, but then he undid it so Even could try on his own. He noticed that it moved much smoother than his own had, but he didn’t mention that. “You open the lever, raise the screen, then close the lever when you have the height you want and it’ll click in place. You have to be careful if you want to change the angle, or even if you’re going really high, because the wires might not have enough give. Then you’ll have to rearrange them under your desk.” Isak stepped back, letting Even move into his place and adjust it on his own. Isak watched, instead of leaving immediately, in case there was an opportunity to chastise him for not following his instructions.

But there wasn’t. Even understood them and adjusted his computer with ease. Isak watched him raise it, sit down in his chair to test the height, then raise it a little bit more. When he let the lever click into the right place, a smiled bloomed across his face, which he directed at Isak. “Thank you so much!”

Isak rolled his eyes. “It’s not like I solved world hunger,” he muttered.

“Yeah, but you saved my neck and shoulders. It had only been a few hours and they were already killing me.”

“You poor thing.”

His job done, his knowledge successfully passed on, Isak left Even’s office. Even called out another “Thank you!” to his back, but he didn’t bother acknowledging it. It was just a fucking computer screen. Isak walked back to his cubicle and dropped down into his chair, hiding behind his own screen to continue sulking.


	3. Dates

Tuesday and Wednesday passed in a similar fashion, with Isak constantly annoyed by things of little consequence. A couple of pieces he had filed last week had come back approved, and one was even scheduled for print. It was always exciting when he got something to print rather than just online, because it spoke to the importance of the story and the precise timing of his work, a skill that he thought he valued higher than most. Timing was everything. So that lifted his spirits a little bit, and kept him focused.

It didn’t keep Marius out of his cubicle though, or Even out of his line of sight. But he powered through. On Thursday he was in the zone, constantly on the phone trying to find a lead on a new story that he’d just gotten the green light on, while also knocking emails out almost as quickly as they came in. He was thrown off by an email from Even though, the first time he’d directly landed in his inbox.

“Um, hold on, I just...sorry, I have to go. I’ll call you back in like five minutes.” Isak dropped his receiver without trying to get it back on the hook. He directed every atom of his attention to his screen, and then stretched above it just enough to see if Even was in his office. He was, leaning toward his own screen, seemingly unaware of the fact that he’d thrown Isak so off balance. This, like everything else associated with Even, was annoying.

Isak ducked back down and actually opened the email. It was polite and professional, practically a template. He was asking Isak for approval on the copy he was going to use when posting links to Isak’s piece on social media and in their newsletters. He also asked Isak if there was anything specific he’d like highlighted when engaging in conversations about the piece on his behalf. It felt standard, even though Isak had never received a request for approval like this before. He rarely got approval over the headlines they used, so this felt like a strange rush. Even was giving him the power to continue telling his story.

It made Isak blush. He blushed again, another flare of heat up his cheeks, when he read Even’s postscript commenting on his piece. _That_ certainly wasn’t part of the template. But then he got annoyed, again, that it had affected him so. He was used to praise for his pieces, when his coworkers got around to reading them and stopping at his cubicle for a drive-by compliment. This felt different though. This was a thought-out comment meant to engage Isak in a conversation.

Which was dumb. Even had been here what, three days? Who did he think he was, diving right into intellectual conversations? Wasn’t this the first time he’d read a newspaper? No, perhaps it was the second. The first would’ve been when he was preparing for his job interview. Isak decided to ignore it. He read the email one more time, in case Even had mentioned a specific deadline for his approval, but there wasn’t one. So Isak make him wait, and sweat. Besides, this wasn’t how things were done around here, and Even would have to figure that out on his own. Whatever new system he was trying to set up wasn’t going to simply take over, not on Isak’s watch. He clicked out of his inbox and then tried to remember who he’d been talking to, who he needed to call back. It took his brain longer than usual to get back on track.

* * *

Marius was back at his cubicle at five o’clock on the dot, but this time he had Kari Anne in tow. “We’re going to Nine’s.”

“Have fun,” Isak dismissed them, without looking up.

“That wasn’t a royal we. Let’s go.” Marius stepped into the cubicle and grabbed Isak’s chair at the back, sending him into a spin that slammed his knees into the drawers beneath his desk.

“Fuck you, Marius.”

“You can cry about it downstairs. I’ll kiss your boo boo and buy you a drink.”

Isak looked up at Kari Anne and silently begged. She rolled her eyes. “Come on Marius, let’s let him finish up. We’ll meet you downstairs, Isak.” Kari Anne took Marius by the elbow and dragged him out of Isak’s workspace.

He appreciated the invitation, of course. But the interruption was difficult, and he _did_ want to finish what he was doing before he shut down for the night. Or at least for the next few hours while he drank with his friends. He rushed through a few more emails and organized the notes he had scattered across his desk, making vague piles that he would be slightly less confused by when he returned to the bullpen the next morning. He’d gotten a great start on his new story, but like every other start, it was all quite messy. Then he grabbed his bag and shut down his computer and stood to leave.

Kari Anne and Marius had not gone far. Isak let out another audible groan and trudged over to Even’s office, where they were casually leaning in his doorway. “Guys, we’re going to be late,” he announced over their shoulders, not bothering to wait for a pause in whatever conversation they were having.

Marius glanced at him, confused. “It’s just drinks.”

“Yeah, well, if you’re paying I’d like to get started as soon as possible.”

“Okay, okay, we’re going.” Kari Anne resumed her shepherding. “Good to see you, Even. And you’ll have to join us sometime.”

“Of course, yes. Thank you.” Isak watched Even give Kari Anne a kind smile. He rolled his eyes at it. And at the invitation. And at the fact that they were all still standing there. “Oh, and Isak, did you get my email?” They all paused for his response.

Of course he got his email. That’s how email worked. Of course he reread it multiple times throughout the afternoon, clicking away each time and swearing he was going to ignore it. That’s how Isak’s anger worked. But this time he pushed through it all, going straight for willful ignorance.

“Um, I’m not sure. I’ll check tomorrow.” He swiftly turned and walked away, forcing Kari Anne and Marius to stumble after him in awkward pursuit.

At the bar, the world felt like it was swinging back into balance. Maja wasn’t there, but neither was Even, and the further Isak got from the office, the better. They settled into their usual booth and Marius took their drink orders, which never changed, though Isak requested a double this time.

“Bad day?” Kari Anne offered.

“Where’s Maja?” Isak deflected.

“Trying to make Marius jealous by not always jumping at his invitations.”

“And how is that working out for her?”

They looked toward Marius, who was leaning over the bar and happily chatting with the bartender pulling their beers. “Hmm. Looks pretty jealous to me.”

“Yup, he’s definitely pining for the girl after having just realized he misses her daily presence in his life.” Kari Anne summarized just how perfectly Maja’s attempts were going unnoticed.

The bartender served Marius, laughing politely at whatever lame story he’d just tried, and moved on to another customer. Marius easily gathered the three pint glasses in his hands and walked them back to the table. He intercepted Isak’s protest before he could make it. “Don’t worry, I’ll get you your second as soon as you finish this one.”

Isak pressed his mouth shut and accepted his first drink.

“Alright, so does anyone have anything?” Kari Anne put out the call for gossip under the guise that they needed something to toast to.

“If I can get Linnea to sign off on my budget request, then my diary project starts _for real_. I can almost taste it.”

That was good enough. “To tasting it,” Isak announced, holding up his glass. They all knocked theirs together over the center of the table, letting some beer spill out in celebration.

“Does that mean you can tell us who it is?” Kari Anne asked as soon as they’d taken their first gulps. But Marius shook his head.

“I don’t have clearance yet, but even when I do I’m thinking I might try to keep it a secret as long as possible. Build up the hype.”

“What hype?”

Instead of being hurt by Isak’s jab, Marius leaned into it. “Exactly. There isn’t much anticipation outside of the actual matches, but I want to make sport, and sport reporting a little more sexy.”

“Uh, there’s plenty of anticipation. Who’s getting traded, who’s getting sponsored, who got caught fucking a teammate’s wife….” Despite not following any actual sports, Isak was well aware of the drama the industry managed to create for itself.

“But that’s like…celebrity sports. I want to show the intensity of what it’s like to just be a player.”

Kari Anne smiled. “Oh, so you’re just saying you’re not going to follow a famous player.”

Marius shrugged.

“Good luck making two weeks on a bench sound sexy,” Isak mumbled as he lifted his glass again.

“Just you guys wait. I’m going to smash our daily clicks, I swear to god.” Marius lifted his glass too, but he had a face of determination on. This was now about more than just reporting on a footballer’s life; it was about proving his friends wrong.

They moved on to any other office gossip that had cropped up over the past few days. Marius talked more about what working with Linnea was like, how she was starting to settle in with her team. It certainly helped that she could beat anyone to the smallest piece of trivia about The Lions, and every player’s current and past clubs. That instantly made her worthy in Marius’s book. Kari Anne didn’t have anything new to contribute, except a casual mention of Even, because he walks past her cubicle a lot.

“I think it’s because he wants to talk to his team, but most of the time I see him talking to…just about anyone.”

“Hard at work, eh?”

“Oi, don’t be mean, Isak. It’s his first week. Getting to know everyone in the office is standard. And smart.”

“Yeah, he already hit me up for some very important computer advice.”

“You know, I kind of wish I could…quarantine you for a little bit. Like whenever we get a new hire, Isak goes into quarantine for a month, until he’s ready to meet the new person and actually be polite.”

Marius lit up at Kari Anne’s proposal, agreeing immediately. “Or if not that, then at least some sort of sign on his cubicle. ‘Beware of dog.’”

“I’m not that bad!” Isak tried to defend himself, but even he knew how futile that was.

“Are you kidding me Isak? You are the exact opposite of a welcome wagon. To be honest, I’m not sure how _we_ became friends in the first place, because whenever someone new starts, you don’t even give them a chance. I’m pretty sure our two copyeditors actually _moved_ their entire department to the other side of the bullpen because you’re such a grump.”

He had heard that rumor. He didn’t like that his own friends believed it too, but maybe that meant it was true. It wasn’t that the copyeditors had to be closer to the shared printer; they just wanted to avoid Isak’s bouts of frustration and cold shoulder. But that was what it was like in the bullpen, besides Marius’s games of office football. Everyone was stressed, everyone was watching out for themselves, and you weren’t really friends, you were just allies until something happened to turn you into enemies.

Isak took another gulp of his beer and listened to his friends, his allies. He remembered being so relieved that they were grouped together at the start, that they helped each other. They were definitely allies that had become friends, people who stuck by him even when he got grumpy and selfish. They dragged him out to drink when he wasn’t in the mood to be social, but still needed it, just to release the tensions of the day. They joked about the office to remind him that’s what it was: an office. Not a battlefield.

Kari Anne was getting Marius to open up about Ida. Isak wondered if it was her doing reconnaissance on behalf of Maja, or just her general curiosity of the affair. Marius had been stingy with the details in the group chat, which was different from all of the other women he mentioned and implied things about, but Isak just assumed he was being smart for once, not leaving a paper trail for a dangerous interoffice relationship. He tried to focus now, because maybe Kari Anne was digging up something significant. Maybe this was different for another reason. He felt a twinge of pity for Maja, if so.

“So you’re going on _dates_.”

“Sort of? We can’t go out in public, but she invites me over and we cook and stuff.” Marius’s voice was soft, which was also different for their usual bar conversations.

“That sounds very…mature of you, Marius. Do you think this might become a real thing?”

He shrugged, looking down into his glass. “Probably not. I mean, it would be impossible, right? I don’t think you could have a real relationship with someone in human resources at your own company. And more senior, at that. I think I’d lose all credibility as a reporter.”

“But you still want to be with her, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So…sneaking around….”

Marius cleared his throat and straightened his spine. “Yeah, so yeah. I think that’s what we’re going to do for a while. And I’d appreciate it if you guys would keep it a secret for me. Even from her, if you ever talk to her. She doesn’t know that I’ve told you, but I feel like we’re all pretty good at uh, watching out for each other.”

“Of course, Marius!” Kari Anne quickly reassured him, and Isak mumbled something similar along with her. “I’m just excited to see you settling into something a little more serious. And I wouldn’t mind the advantage we get from having her in your pocket. Like remember on Monday? Everyone was so nervous about Chief’s email and announcement, there was just this tension radiating off of everyone in the bullpen. But I was chill because you knew in advance and we weren’t surprised by it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Marius gave her a little smile, knowing that his affair was somehow contributing to the greater good.

Isak frowned though, remembering how tense he’d felt during the announcement. He didn’t know what it was then, but looking back, maybe he’d sensed a threat? He’d been prepared for the new hires, but seeing them in person was that much more real. And it certainly explained why Even annoyed him so much from the very start.

He didn’t want to think about Even, but he didn’t want to jump into the conversation Kari Anne and Marius were headed toward, which was brainstorming cute, under-the-radar date ideas. He also didn’t want to think about work in general, so he pulled out his phone and opened Instagram. He hadn’t checked up on Emma lately, and now seemed like a good time.

There were three new photos he hadn’t seen yet, so he flicked through them and double-tapped. He sent a quick message too: _Sorry, had a busy day today. Looks like yours was fun though :)_ After a brief pause he sent a few heart emojis for good measure. He couldn’t remember what her schedule was for that day, but he was sure she’d be at some dinner right then, eating delicately with her girlfriends so any photos she’d end up tagged in wouldn’t look weird. He knew that she would pick at her plate in public and then order something more substantial, something messier, to eat in her hotel room later. She used to send him photos of that, or even FaceTime him in the middle of the night while she inhaled some pizza, but that didn’t happen anymore. And he didn’t stay up to call her either.

He thought about the time he had left until she came home. He wondered if he should do something special. He’d go out to the airport around midday on Sunday and pick her up. But maybe he should bring flowers, or have take-out waiting for when they got back. Isak let his phone go dark and slide out of his hand onto the table. He wasn’t in a very romantic mood, and was struggling to focus on Emma. His mind drifted to the take-out he would want to get on the way home tonight. He got excited about that, and started planning the remaining meals he would get to enjoy on his own before Emma’s return.

Marius got up for their second round as soon as Isak drained his glass. Kari Anne turned to Isak as soon as Marius was out of earshot. “Do you think he’s in love?”

“Eh?”

“He sounds so serious about him and Ida. Or not serious, but like…this definitely isn’t just another one of his flings.”

“It’s been what, a week?”

“Officially, yeah, but he said they’d been flirting with each other for a while. Weren’t you listening?”

“I was thinking about…dinner.”

Kari Anne rolled her eyes. That tracked, Isak’s general blindness toward other people’s romantic inclinations. “I’m torn about what I should do with Maja. If I should really try to help her get over him. I think with the other girls she would just try to ignore it, wait for him to move on? But I don’t know how quickly he’ll do that this time. Or if he’ll do it at all.”

This made Isak snap out of his haze. “Wait, you really think it’s serious?”

“Uh, yeah.” She was not going to rehash the entire conversation she had with Marius, planning out their next month of secret dates.

“That’s the stupidest thing I think he’s ever done.”

“You think everything he does is stupid.”

“Well, it is, but this one is at the top of the list. You know you’re not supposed to get involved with your coworkers. And now he’s chosen the worst one to do it with?”

“Not the _worst_ one. It’s not the Chief.”

Isak brushed her off. No one was fucking the Chief, that was apparent. “Still, this is dumb. I’m going to wait a bit before I give him a lecture, because maybe it’ll burn out on its own, but if he wants to keep working at the paper he’s going to have to find some other ink to dip his pen into.”

Kari Anne scrunched up her nose at the crude metaphor. Marius returned with their beers.

“By the looks of it, you just told Kari Anne about your hemorrhoids,” he smirked as he set the glasses down.

“Shut the fuck up, I don’t have hemorrhoids.”

“Besides, hemorrhoids would be less unfortunate than what we were talking about. Unless you’re pregnant. Are you pregnant, Isak?”

Kari Anne was great at redirection, turning a conversation the way she wants it to go. He was grateful for this, now, so they could return to a neutral topic in front of Marius. Isak snorted and played along. “I’m not pregnant, and—“ he held up a finger before Marius could make the joke, “neither is Emma. Though if she were, Instagram would find out before me.”

Not one to let a bad joke go, Marius instantly pulled his phone out of his pocket to check.


	4. Twitter

Isak went to Kari Anne’s cubicle on Friday. They’d discussed, casually, slowly, over the course of the day, what they would do that night, but no matter how many options everyone tossed out, they ended up with the usual. They’d meet at Kari Anne’s cubicle once they were done and head to Nine’s. Maja was already there when Isak arrived. “Missed you last night, kid.” He tapped Maja’s shoulder, and she gave him a sweet smile. Maja was a little older than him, but smaller, even shorter than Kari Anne, so her relative stature lent her to a younger reputation.

“Any drama?”

“Since when have any of us had drama?”

“True.” They were a low-key group. Marius and Ida were the most scandalous thing to happen to them in the entire time they’ve been at the paper. They were much better suited to share everyone else’s drama rather than create their own.

“Did you have a date, or….” Isak flicked his eyes over to Kari Anne, letting Maja know that he knew via Kari Anne the true motives behind her absence. Maja sighed.

“Technically no. I was thinking about making one up, or actually asking someone, but I realized that it wasn’t really worth the effort.”

“I caught her up on all of Marius’s gushing.” Kari Anne explained while she shut down her computer. “She figures she’ll have better luck once whatever that is dies down, so we’re conserving our energy.”

“That sounds reasonable.”

“It is, it is.” Maja sighed again. “I just have to remember that I’m supposed to be reasonable the next time I want to drunk text him.”

“We’ll start another group, just us. You can text us whenever you feel particularly weak.” Kari Anne stood and grabbed her backpack. She ushered her friends out of her cubicle. They met Marius in the hallway, since his cubicle was on their way to the main exit.

While they walked to the bar, Isak hung back with Maja. She linked her arm through his, and he felt her leaning into him a bit more than usual. It was almost like she was already drunk. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just…I’m tired. Of this. Of that.” She flung her free arm in Marius’s direction. “I wish I could just be with him already, or if not that, then just _over_ him.” Maja was speaking freely now that Isak knew her secret. He was concerned about how loud she was being, pretty sure that if Marius turned around he’d hear everything. But maybe that was on purpose. Maybe that’s what it would take to move forward or simply end it all. “I don’t want to play games or tiptoe around him. Just thinking about flirting is exhausting. I wish…I wish I had Emma.”

Isak snorted, and almost offered her up. _You’re welcome to her._

“Not like, literally. I just wish we were together together, just like you and Emma are. No drama, just a cute couple on Instagram.”

He wished he could prove her wrong, but what Maja had said was true. There was no drama. They were just a couple on Instagram. It was his turn to sigh. “Well it’s kind of boring.”

“Yeah but I think that’s what I want. I’d rather be bored with someone I love than constantly chasing someone who is, apparently, chasing someone else.”

Maja’s complaint reminded Isak of that scene from _My Best Friend’s Wedding_, where Dermot Mulroney was chasing Cameron Diaz across the yard and Julia Roberts was chasing Dermot. No one was chasing Julia. Isak reached over and patted Maja’s arm. “You don’t deserve boredom. You deserve to have someone chasing you.”

* * *

They busted into Nine’s with the energy of a group of friends very much ready to not have to be at work the next day. The girls shrieked some sort of greeting at Thomas, the regular Friday night bartender. He didn’t need to, but he waved them over to their booth. Isak unlinked his arm from Maja’s to better move around the tables and reach the U-shaped banquette, leading the way. 

But then he stopped. Someone was already sitting in their booth.

“Even!” Maja peeked out from behind Isak’s now frozen body and waved to the intruder.

Even looked up, his eyes flicking to Isak’s scowling face first but then finding Maja. He smiled and waved back. “I’m in the right place, yeah?” He pointed to the framed newspaper story on the wall above his head. 

“Yup!” Maja squeezed around Isak and hopped into the booth, bouncing along the seat until she was sitting next to him. Isak remained frozen while the rest of his friends joined her, Marius going in after Maja to sandwich her in, and Kari Anne sitting on Even’s other side. That left one seat for Isak at the end, but he still wasn’t ready to take it.

“You okay, Isak?” Even watched him not move while everyone else settled in.

“Why are you here?”

“Maja invited me out for drinks to celebrate my first week, and to get to know you all.”

Isak felt his phone buzz in his pants pocket.

“Isak, since you’re still up, can you get us our first round?” Kari Anne looked up from her own phone. She confirmed with Marius and Maja that they just wanted their usual orders.

“I have a tab, first round is on me.”

“Thank you, Even!” Kari Anne smiled at him.

Fuck, why was everyone smiling? Jesus. Isak moved, finally, turning on his heel and escaping to the bar. His lovely Friday night mood was shattered by Even’s surprise appearance, because now they’d be crammed into the booth and have to talk about work stuff with the new guy, rehashing old stories for his sake. Ugh, he wanted to choke whoever invited him, though he was kind of hoping Even invited himself. He didn’t want to blame anyone but the one guy who was about to ruin his weekend.

At the bar he ordered the girls’ beers first. He checked his phone while he waited, remembering the buzz. It was a text from Kari Anne: _sorry i didn’t warn you. maja is…experimenting._

_I thought we were conserving our energy?_ He held back from unleashing a stronger judgment, that this Even guy was not worth dating, or pretending to date, for Marius’s sake.

“Isak.” Thomas got his attention with two full glasses.

“Thanks.” He pocketed his phone. “Put it on Even’s tab, please.” Isak turned to point out Even, because Thomas probably didn’t know him yet, and was surprised to see Even already looking back at him. A shiver ran up Isak’s spine. Could he be more creepy?

“Will do.”

“And the lager for Marius and a cider for me, please. I’ll be right back.”

Isak delivered the beers for the girl. He avoided Even’s gaze, which seemed to have been stuck on him the entire time. As he predicted, Maja and Kari Anne were talking over each other to give Even a crash course on every other employee’s personal life. He hoped they would be prudent enough to not share his or Marius’s, but he knew speaking up about that would only invite curiosity. He stayed silent and went back to the bar.

Thomas had his pints ready and waiting. Isak took a sip immediately. “Who’s the new guy?”

“Coworker,” Isak explained. Then, as either a wish or a prediction, he added, “He won’t last long.” Feeling a boost of confidence from his drink and self-prescribed mission, Isak returned to the table.

* * *

They had been sitting there for two hours. Isak and Marius alternated getting refills, and they’d ordered chips and chicken wings to snack on, but they kept ordering more to the point where that was their actual dinner. The girls were leaning in to Even, practically jostling for his attention. It disgusted Isak. He listened to their conversations and answered when one of them tried to include him, but otherwise he was silent. He scrolled through Instagram as if he cared about that more than Even overtaking his friend group.

Isak almost jumped up when Marius announced that he needed a smoke. But then he remembered he didn’t smoke anymore. But he moved out of his seat anyway, because the announcement got the attention of Maja and Kari Anne.

“Do you smoke, Even?” Maja asked…seductively? It sounded like she was trying to pull him out of the booth with her voice.

He chuckled, which was a noise that Isak was still trying to get used to, despite how often he’d heard it over the past couple of hours. “No, I quit after school.”

“Okay. Well, Isak quit too, so he can keep you company. We’ll be really quick, just need a fix.”

His friends disappeared before Isak could think of an alternative situation that wouldn’t stick him with Even on his own. So he slid back into the booth, very interested in the last couple of chicken wings.

“I um…I really liked your piece on the overspending.” Even cleared his throat and shuffled his beer glass between his hands. Isak kept his eyes down, but tried to track Even’s movements in his periphery.

“You mentioned that.”

“Oh, so you _did_ get my email.”

Isak’s head snapped up at Even’s trick. He tried to respond calmly. “I did receive it. I was able to give it a quick read-through but I haven’t taken the time to review your proposed copy for errors.”

“Okay, well, I think you’re scheduled for the weekend edition so the faster you approve the faster I can promote.”

Isak bristled at the shift in blame. “It would be helpful if you gave me a deadline for approval. No one has done this kind of…”—he waved his hands about—“twitter shit with the reporters so I wasn’t aware of your timeline. And I’m very precise with my time.”

“Yes, it’s quite obvious that no one had a strategy for the socials. I hope to turn it around, but it does require some participation.”

“Jesus Christ.” Isak rolled his eyes and flipped his phone over. He opened his email, not sure how else to get Even to shut up about doing his job. He searched his inbox for one of the words Even had used in his postscript: _enlightening_. Even’s email from the other day popped up first.

Isak didn’t bother reading it again. He quickly replied: _Approved._ Had he actually found something he didn’t like, he would’ve stomped over to Even’s office immediately and chastised him about it. But it was all fine. “Happy?” He looked up at Even and met his already established gaze.

“I’m happy if you’re happy.”

Isak stared. He couldn’t read Even. He couldn’t tell if Even was being petty, passive aggressive, or honest. It made him angry, an emotion he was firmly associating with Even, and now he wondered if it was because Even demanded work. He demanded Isak’s attention. He both gave Isak the power of approval and stripped him of the power over his own mind, the power to walk away. “Why the fuck are you even here?” he whispered, trying to restrain his frustration.

“Maja invited me.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Isak wasn’t asking the same question twice. “Why did you come to the newspaper? What are you getting out of it? Weren’t you just…making jokes about toilet paper on the internet all day?”

“Oh.” Even nodded slowly. He understood what Isak was really asking. “You don’t see how it’s possible that I, a little twitter guy, could even _think_ I could make it with the big boys? Climb to the higher levels of elite journalism?” He waved his hands about just like Isak had done when he was dismissing his social media skills.

While he didn’t want to give Even the satisfaction of being correct about his thoughts, he also couldn’t resist how scathing they were. “Actually…yes. We’re doing serious work, not trying to chase memes all day long.” Well, Isak was. He could not say the same for Marius. But that wasn’t the point.

“I’m not _chasing memes_ you ignorant dickhead. I’m making sure your _serious work_ gets in front of people, making sure your precious articles actually get _read_. You may have a way with words but they’re silent without my voice.”

Isak felt his throat close up. He was in shock, cut by the sharpness and suddenness of Even’s insult, unable to even lift his glass to hide behind a swallow of beer. He also couldn’t blink, and his stare was held by Even for a tortuous amount of time.

He had been unprepared for Even to strike back. He didn’t think he ever would, since he’d spent the whole week bowing to Isak’s cold shoulder, laughing with his friends. But there it was, like a snake unfurling to sink his fangs into Isak’s wrist, and retreating just as quickly. There was a buzz between them as the poison spread.

“I don’t…I don’t need you. We don’t need you.” Isak’s voice was hoarse and low. It was a weak defense and they both knew it.

Even smirked. “Liar.”

* * *

Maja, Kari Anne, and Marius stumbled back to the booth, unaware of the tense silence that had taken over their table. Isak slid out of his seat to let Kari Anne back in. He inhaled the scent of smoke as she passed in front of him, desperate for the old comfort. He craved a cigarette now, and regretted not going out with them in the first place, for many reasons. 

“What’d we miss? Are you guys best friends now?” Maja asked as she bounced along the bench into Even’s side. Even’s laugh returned, loud and light, somehow without irony.

“Not yet.”

“Okay, well maybe next time.”

Isak’s stomach dropped at the idea of another evening in Even’s presence. Work was going to be difficult enough, but now he was being invited into Isak’s social circle? He had to keep his mouth shut though, because he couldn’t reveal to anyone how much this got under his skin. He’d just have to deal with it…or find new friends. Isak threw back the last of his beer and swallowed the difficult truth.

“While we were outside we solved world peace, so I think you guys have some catching up to do.”

The thing about Marius is that, when he gets drunk, he legitimately comes up with generic solutions to worldwide problems. Isak had listened to many of his plans, spit out in the amount of time it took to inhale a single cigarette, and forgotten twice as fast. He did not doubt that Marius had actually solved world peace, and he would have bet that it has something to do with football. But he wasn’t in the mood to entertain Marius’s plans, nor would he make Maja and Kari Anne sit through a retelling. “Send me a meme about it later, and I’ll see what I can come up with.” Isak dismissed Marius, his voice holding some residual edge, though Marius was probably also drunk enough not to notice. “I gotta go.”

Isak felt Kari Anne’s hand on his arm as he pulled himself out of the booth. He didn’t listen to it though, nor to Maja’s surprised, “But it’s still early!” He ignored whatever attempts they made to keep him at the table, and went to the bar. Thomas saw him coming.

“Another round?”

“No, actually…can I pay off Even’s tab? And mine.”

“Uh…you sure?”

Isak nodded, sliding his credit card out from the sleeve on his phone case. He was too proud to let Even host them all for drinks _and_ mock his work in one swift, smooth move. Isak was going to walk out of this bar with his head held high, doing his damnedest to be the bigger man. Or at least fake it.

That, he knew, he was good at.

* * *

Their group chat exploded as soon as Isak left the bar. He felt his phone buzzing steadily, but refused to look at it the whole way home. He imagined what people were saying, what they were saying Even was saying, and everything sounded so bad that he didn’t mind ignoring his phone so aggressively. Shit. If Emma had done something like this, stormed out without explanation, he would’ve just brushed it off as her being a drama queen because she needed attention, because she wanted him to run out after her and ask what was wrong. When he did that he felt like he was chasing down a child, and now...he was the child. Throwing a tantrum because Even hurt his feelings. Fuck.

It was dumb to do to his friends, and even more stupid to do to his coworkers.

The buzzing slowed as he turned onto his street. Once he was inside his apartment it stopped. They had either given up on him for the night or moved on to something more entertaining. He was curious what their reaction was to him paying the tab, but was too ashamed about his behavior in general to see if they’d mentioned it at all. Isak tossed his phone on the kitchen counter, making sure it slid face down, and left it there overnight.

He hadn’t done something like that in years.

When he woke up on Saturday, without an alarm, it was noticeable how strong the urge was to check his phone. It was so strong that his body was doing it without his mind being aware. He was reaching for a phone, a source, that wasn’t available, and he was instantly frustrated when he realized that. His first conscious breath was actually a sigh.

Isak tried to see how long he could last without reaching for his phone again. He wanted to test his strength, to stay away from the gossip, even if it went against his desire for information, which he’d honed into a skill over the past few years. He got out of bed and peed. He brushed his teeth. He took a shower and jerked off, closing his eyes under the water and seeing nothing. He let himself groan when he came. While he dried off he thought about how he only had one more free shower jerk-off left before Emma returned.

He turned on the television and flicked through a few news channels over a bowl of cereal. All of the segments he caught seemed like puff pieces, and he wasn’t sure if that was because it was the weekend or just the state of the world. Perhaps everyone was just taking a much needed break.

It was a small relief, he supposed, that nothing big had happened overnight that he would need to report on himself. He didn’t specialize in breaking news and quick updates, doing more long form, investigative reporting that eventually sparked the fevered following that news shows and social media fed on. If anything, he watched the news to make sure he wasn’t being scooped or burned. He only cared about what was going on in the world if it affected the story he was trying to tell. After what he saw, he could avoid his phone for a little longer.

Isak cleaned up his little breakfast mess, and then went to get dressed for the day. While he was at their closet he picked out his outfit for Sunday, when he would have to pick up Emma at the airport. Again he thought about getting her flowers, and what clothes would look best with a bouquet in his hand. He wasn’t going to show up in a suit, of course, but if he had flowers she would most likely want a photo of him, of his gesture, and he would at least need something that looked ironed. He was tired just thinking about it, listlessly flicking through his hangers, not really registering the options.

He used to not care about what he wore. Well, he still didn’t care. But Emma cared. She demanded a certain amount of consideration for his appearance, especially if he was going to be a respectable Instagram boyfriend. So shirts and pants were tailored. Patterns were a strategy. Brand names were thrown out, unless they were used on purpose. He had to match her vibe, whatever the fuck that was. He remembered when she had gone through her black and white phase, when for months it didn’t really matter what he was wearing because the filter got rid of the minor imperfections that came with his own sense of style. But when she was over that, posting in color again (mostly because of a retailer’s sponsorship agreement), he had to pay more attention to the clothes he picked out. Sometimes Emma would do it for him, making it easier, saving time in front of the closet, but then he would spend the day aware of the fact that he was in costume. The clothes that usually fit right suddenly…didn’t.

He’d learned enough from following her career to pick something sensible for Sunday on his own. He pulled out dark-wash jeans and a mint green button up. A plain white tee came from the drawer, plus underwear and socks. He would iron most of the outfit just to spend more of his Saturday away from his phone, and so there would be less for Emma to criticize as soon as she arrived. He did that while still in his boxers, and put on his more relaxed Saturday selection when he was done.

* * *

He read through the group chat while his phone charged.

**Marius:** bruh

**Kari Anne:** is something wrong?

**Maja:** What did you do to Even?

**Marius:** thanks for the drinks tho

**Kari Anne:** did you go home? let me know where you are

**Maja:** Even says thank you for paying.

**Maja:** But seriously, what happened? He said you were angry.

**Kari Anne:** isak

**Maja:** Was it the smoking? We can stop. Even doesn’t smoke so maybe it’s better if we all try to quit.

**Marius:** oh shit he’s rating our twitter accounts. i need more beer for dis

**Kari Anne:** i hope you’re home safe, isak. and you’re lucky you don’t have twitter.

**Maja:** He says I can’t post cat videos anymore :(

**Kari Anne:** of course you can maja, you just need to properly source stuff. we have to use twitter like an extension of the newspaper because no one differentiates anymore.

**Marius:** im trying to get drunk here pls stop talking about work

**Kari Anne:** even started it.

It wasn’t much, and certainly not as bad as he’d thought. He felt another wave of disgust at how overdramatic he’d been, and expected everyone else to be. He sent a short message to tie off the evening and move on.

**Isak:** That’s why I left, I didn’t want to talk about work anymore.

It was true. Not quite honest, but true.

There were individual messages from Kari Anne, continuing to ask for an update on his safety, but she gave up around midnight: _i’m assuming you’ve passed out at your apartment. text me when you wake up._ He figured his response to the group chat was sufficient. Kari Anne had also started a separate group chat, as promised, without Marius. She called it “Cat Videos,” and it seemed to have been created for the express purpose of pissing Isak off.

**Maja:** He smells so good.

**Kari Anne:** marius?

**Maja:** No, Even.

**Kari Anne:** this chat is supposed to be about marius. it’s why he’s not here.

**Maja:** No, this chat is supposed to be about me, and right now I’m making it about Even.

**Kari Anne:** oh i get it.

**Maja:** Yes, we are no longer conserving energy, but redirecting it.

**Maja:** OMG he’s 25.

**Kari Anne:** i know, i’m sitting right next to you.

**Maja:** This is important information for Isak, so we all can have well-informed discussions.

Isak rolled his eyes but kept scrolling.

**Maja:** He went to school for marketing. He’s so smart.

**Kari Anne:** for reference, isak, we’re learning how he got into social media marketing as a career.

“I don’t care,” he muttered to his empty apartment. And yet he scrolled.

**Maja:** Apparently brands are over. I need to do an unfollowing spree.

**Maja:** HE’S SINGLE.

**Maja:** I’M SINGLE.

**Kari Anne:** we are all painfully aware of that.

**Maja:** He literally was asked out on dates because of that toilet paper account. People were sliding into his DMs.

**Kari Anne:** maja is next.

**Maja:** What’s it like to flirt with a roll of toilet paper?

**Kari Anne:** [ed. note: she asked this question out loud as well]

**Maja:** I love his laugh.

**Maja:** He showed us the story about the girl who met a guy on twitter because he was making jokes as a bookstore and they got married. Is that not the biggest hint you could drop?

Kari Anne had dutifully searched for the article and sent him a link about the love story.

**Maja:** Oh wait but he says that’s impossible now because brands have evolved.

If Isak were still in the booth for this conversation he’s sure he would’ve gagged.

**Maja:** Marius left.

**Kari Anne:** not sure if it’s because he’s feeling left out or jealous or just bored. he did not mention ida at all.

Isak checked the time stamps. A significant period later, Maja sent the last message.

**Maja:** I think that was quite a successful evening!

Isak switched over to Kari Anne’s messages. _What did Maja mean by a successful evening? Did Maja go home with Even?_ Had that much transpired in his absence? He couldn’t figure out exactly how much flirting had happened, and whether Maja was really committed to having a go at Even or just playing to make Marius jealous. Working through the evening via group text managed to scratch one itch but also create twenty more, and Isak felt like he was on fire.

_glad you’re alive. i’m hesitant to say she made marius jealous, but she at least made a new friend at the office. they did not go home together, but he stayed with us outside for our last smoke, so i think there’s some interest there._

Isak tried to cement his nonchalance. _I’m glad I didn’t have to sit through all of that._

_it was kind of entertaining. even is a funny guy._

Another eye roll. 

_Then you should slide into his DMs before Maja does._

Kari Anne just sent back a row of toilet paper emojis in response. Isak let his phone clatter onto the counter top, annoyed by Even’s successful integration. He clearly had Maja and Kari Anne on his side, with Marius about to tip the scales at the first mention of a football match. It looked like Isak was going to be the odd one out. 

With nowhere to go with his growing desire to rant about the new guy, to vent his frustrations, Isak picked up his phone again and navigated to the app store. He downloaded Twitter. 


	5. Worked Up

Emma held up her phone as soon as she caught sight of him through the gates. Isak stretched his smile for the video she was clearly recording, standing still while she multitasked her way to him.

“Aren’t you the sweetest boyfriend?” Emma exclaimed once she was within earshot. She zoomed in on the flowers he was holding and announced to her future audience that Isak had brought all of her favorite blossoms in a custom bouquet.

“I missed you,” he said to Emma, for her audience. She raised the phone up to his face to capture his smile, and then furrowed her brow while she tried to end the recording.

It took a moment, but she finally lowered the phone and looked him in the eye. “Hi. I’m very impressed. Thank you for doing this for me.”

Isak didn’t give her the flowers, but he reached around to take the handle of her suitcase. He knew she would want both hands to edit and post the video to Instagram while they walked to the train. “You’re welcome. I like your haircut.”

He’d seen the new style in one of her stories, from the make-up chair on set. He couldn’t tell through the reflection if it was just slicked back and tucked into a pompadour or actually cut. Up close now he could see it was cut, and shaved down to her neck. It looked nice, even now, without any product and fresh from an airplane headrest. Emma self-consciously reached up to scratch at the buzz at the back. “I wish they’d told me in advance that they wanted something short.”

“Would you have declined?”

“No, but I probably would’ve been able to prepare better. Maybe take a bunch of selfies before I left so I would have some backlog before I debuted a new cut.”

“Ah.”

“But whatever. It’s done. They’re happy with their Keira-Knightley-Ruby-Rose love child, and that’s what matters.”

Isak couldn’t see it, glancing at her profile while they walked, but maybe it was more obvious in the actual shoot. Maybe he’d become numb to her face, to the little details and how they changed with a haircut. Isak bought their tickets for the train and led the way down to the track. Emma lagged behind, distracted by her editing process. He left her to it, and they returned to the city in silence.

* * *

Monday was busy. Isak left Emma at home with her books and the promise that he would bring back curry for dinner. Neither of them cooked very much and they could afford to eat out, so they did, often. It matched both of their lifestyles, as their schedules were unpredictable, and they didn’t have the time to establish a decent meal routine that would actually stick. Emma had a few days off now, but it wasn’t worth their time to start regular meal preparation if it was going to go up in smoke as soon as she hopped back on a plane. And Isak…well, he was simply too lazy. He was often too distracted during the week to think ahead toward dinner, but on the weekends, when he didn’t have much of an excuse, he still defaulted to take-out.

His office had a cafeteria, which he visited every day for lunch. Because Monday was busy he grabbed a sandwich and took it back to one of the phone rooms, where he was setting up for a couple of hours of calls. He was still working through a list of dealers that he was connecting for a map of their network, their tree. Once he felt like those connections were secure, he would start climbing.

Part of why he was in the phone rooms instead of at his desk, besides the privacy and respect for his coworkers, was that he was embarrassed by his voice. When he was speaking with these dealers his voice had to change. He was pretending to be cool, not a snitch, just a curious customer who would become a trusted source. He dealt out almost as much information as he was trying to get for himself. So he had to play a part, and it was one he didn’t want to do in front of other people. The phone rooms were almost completely soundproof, though if you were yelling then someone nearby could tell that you were yelling. But _what_ you were yelling about remained in the room. There were also windows in the doors, so it was easy to see which rooms were occupied. So it wasn’t the most closed-off environment for Isak’s act, but to most people it just looked like he was pacing out of frustration. They did not hear the ridiculous slang he had gotten used to spewing or the quiet threats he doled out to emphasize his reputation.

Also eating with his mouth full somehow helped him sound more casual, and disguised any nervousness that might creep into his voice whenever he tried to seduce someone new. Lunch in the phone room was part of his craft.

For dinner he made the special trip out to their favorite curry place, which they’d found after months of experimenting with the options in their own neighborhood. The flavor was worth the extra time spent on a trip. Isak got malai chicken for himself and cauliflower masala for Emma, and carried it home in one hand while answering emails with the other.

He almost dropped the bag of food right outside his apartment when a new email pinged and he caught sight of the sender. Isak immediately opened it.

_Welcome to twitter. Happy to give you some tips if you’d like._

Isak cursed, and fixed his grip on the bag. He slammed out a response with his thumb.

_How did you find me?_

When Isak had downloaded the app on Saturday, he’d created an anonymous profile. No photo, no identifying name, and he didn’t post anything. He put a link to the newspaper’s homepage in his bio, perhaps to convince himself that he was doing this for work, and not because Even had gotten to him. But that was it. He found Marius, Kari Anne, and Maja and followed them, but didn’t tell them what he’d done. And none of them had mentioned it in the chat. He thought he looked like a spam or bot account, which was perfect for what he would use twitter for. Apparently it wasn’t enough. He swiped over to twitter to check and…yes, he now had four followers: Marius, Kari Anne, Maja, and Even.

_Lucky guess. Here are some good starter lists. I’m going to set up social media training sessions for employees soon, which might be helpful for you._

There were links to twitter lists: groups of journalists, prominent voices in other fields sorted by interest, and media and brand accounts. Isak did not appreciate how perfectly Even seemed to anticipate his needs, and it turned into frustration at how transparent he was being. He replied with a firm shove, trying to push Even out of his mind so he could go into his apartment and enjoy dinner.

_Fuck off._

* * *

After Emma spent a considerable amount of time setting up their dinner on nice plates in the kitchen, they finally got to eat. To her credit, Emma was always aware of how much time and patience her staging required, and she thanked Isak for waiting.

“Do you want it heated?” He could tell his chicken was cold with just a poke of his fork.

“No, mine is fine.” 

“Okay.” He didn’t bother to heat up his, then, not wanting to delay their eating any further. They hadn’t eaten together in over a week, and whether or not he actually wanted to, he knew he should prioritize this time with Emma. “So, tell me about Italy.” They hadn’t caught up the night before, Emma wanting a shower and a nap first, so he expected she had stories to unload.

But Emma just shrugged. “I think you saw most of it. Just work. Hung out with the girls afterward. They are in Rome all the time so they weren’t interested in going out much. Which was fine because I needed to…rest.”

“That’s good. Nice that work can be a little bit relaxing sometimes.”

“Yeah. How about you? How’s that trafficking thing you’re working on coming?”

“Oh…slowly. Still just trying to connect as many people as possible to find the main line.” Isak didn’t want to talk about the story he was working on, since he was a bit superstitious. He didn’t mean to tell Emma about it to begin with, but it just came out as an excuse one night to avoid her advances. “On top of all that I’m still churning out smaller hits, things I’m digging up almost on accident. But it’s good because I still look productive, and that gives me more time to focus on other things.”

Emma didn’t read the newspaper, not his or anyone else's. She followed her industry through Instagram, getting the most relevant stuff through her agent or links in bios. When she was home, Isak served her updates on the rest of the world, with the right amount of filter to not bore her and enough opinion to turn them into talking points. She listened carefully to his highlight reel of the last week while they ate.

Emma was smart. She navigated her industry well, after having naturally grown into it, putting in additional research and work to elevate herself. She was also curious, though only about certain topics. Over the years Isak had learned her set of interests, observing her like he would if she were the subject of a profile piece, picking up what kind of path she chose for herself as she was presented with different options. It wasn’t quite a clinical observation, but it felt like he was doing it in order to understand her, and the fact that he wasn’t understanding her without this conscious effort was noticeable. At this point he shared the stories he knew she would actually be interested in, no longer trying to convince her of a different worldview or forcing empathy out of her where there was none. It was the Emma Digest, delivered between bites of spiced chicken.

Those updates got them through dinner. She asked about his friends while they cleared their plates, and he gave her the highlights of Maja’s romantic strategies, Marius’s footballer project, and Kari Anne’s unending patience with all of this. Even popped into his head, among the clatter of their cutlery, but he did not mention him. First of all, Even was not one of his friends, even though he was so desperate to join their group, and second of all, talking about Even would be exactly what he would want. Isak refused to give him the satisfaction of being the center of attention, even if he wasn’t aware of it. So he ended his updates there, not mentioning the new guy at work, or the fact that Isak was trying to use twitter now, or the fact that the new guy was stalking him on twitter.

Emma thanked him for dinner with a kiss on the cheek before retreating to the bathroom for her nighttime routine. Between the shower and several applications of…stuff, she would be in the bathroom for another hour. Isak usually spent this time checking his email or catching up on things that hadn’t resolved before he left the office. But this time Isak didn’t want to open his inbox. He didn’t want to see how, if, Even had responded to his aggressive brush off. He resorted to the television again, for one last dose of news before bed. It was rather mind-numbing, but that was the kind of mood he wanted to be in at that stage of the night anyway. He was half-asleep by the time Emma emerged, so he had a convincing excuse when she called him into the bedroom.

* * *

On Thursday Isak got to the office on time, giving the usual wave to the front desk staff and lining up with the small crowd at the elevator to go up to his floor. He was in a good mood, having thought of a story idea to pitch and really finessed his points in an email on the bus ride over. He was waiting until he got to his desk before he sent it. Of the crowd he took the elevator with, he was clearly the only one excited to enter the bullpen.

His excitement carried him to his cubicle, and he zipped inside, practically throwing his bag onto the ground, before he noticed the sign. He spun around and leaned out to look at his nameplate. “What the _fuck_?”

The newsroom was no stranger to crude outbursts, curses sent to the heavens from the high-stress environment. But this still made Marthe stand up in surprise. “You okay, Isak?”

“Did you see who put this here?” Isak ripped the yellow and black plastic “Beware of Dog” sign from below his name.

Marthe couldn’t hold back a snort before trying to deny it, so she just shook her head really fast. Then she disappeared back behind the wall.

Isak spun around again and stormed over to Even’s office. He shouldn’t have wasted time on Marthe when he knew exactly who was behind this. Isak had noticed Even already at his desk when he’d walked in, so he stomped right into his office, leaned over the desk and shoved the sign right into Even’s face, centimeters from his nose. Even shoved his chair away from the desk, from the sign, and slowly drew his eyes up to Isak’s face. “Can I help you?”

“What the _fuck_ is this?”

“A sign telling me to watch out for a nearby, probably aggressive, dog.”

“Why the fuck did you put it outside my cubicle?” Isak shoved the sign back in Even’s face, stepping into the trail Even was leaving in his chair. Even, like Marthe, snorted.

“I—I did not do that.” Even’s chair bumped into the empty bookshelf behind him, below the window. He was pinned, but not a victim, not according to his smirk. “But I can see why someone would.”

Isak’s anger flicked the sign like a Frisbee into Even’s chest. He heard Even’s light gasp at the sharp edge of the sign, but just barely over the sound of his breath huffing in frustration all the way back to his cubicle.

His phone was buzzing from his bag. The group text was awake. Isak threw his whole body into his chair to see if they were as angry as he was.

**Marius:** isak are you here yet

**Kari Anne:** marius are YOU here yet?

**Marius:** yes im waiting for isak

**Maja:** It’s true I just went to his cube. Marius is here before 9 o’clock.

Kari Anne sent five gifs of various people dying or fainting or choking.

**Isak:** I’m here. Which one of you put that stupid fucking sign on my cubicle?

**Kari Anne:** isak, is it not obvious?

Behind him, Even cleared his throat. “Isak.”

Isak stood up and turned to face him. Even had his hands behind his back. He looked…composed. But too composed, like a teacher trying to set an example.

“When you told me to ‘fuck off,’ I listened. I did not put this sign on your cubicle. But considering your outburst, I believe it belongs here.” Even pulled the sign from behind his back and reattached it to the wall. The tape that Marius had used was still in place.

“Don’t be an asshole, Even.” Isak muttered, not interested in being composed but determined to not prove Even right with another extreme reaction.

“Learn to take a joke, Isak,” he shot back with the same amount of acid dripping from his name. Even leaned into the sign, using all his weight to make sure it stuck. Then he gave Isak a solid glare, and walked back to his office. 

Moments later Marius was standing where Even had just been. Isak hadn’t moved, aside from the grinding his teeth were doing as he clenched his jaw. With way too much glee, Marius pointed to the sign. “Eh? Eh?!”

“Hilarious,” Isak deadpanned.

“I have to give Kari Anne credit for the idea, but I ordered it on Amazon the same night. I was too excited to like, cover up the dog with a picture of you, but that would've been funnier.”

Marius was clearly waiting for more praise for the cleverness of his joke, but he was barking up the wrong tree. Isak returned to his seat, spinning away from Marius. Without a door, this was the closest thing he could do to shut him out. Isak picked up the headphones that were permanently plugged into his desktop and slid them over his head. Before he could play music to fully block Marius, Even, and the rest of the office out, he heard Marius whine.

“Jesus, Isak, it’s just a joke. Use the stick up your ass to find your sense of humor, huh?”

Isak’s whole day was ruined.

* * *

Emma tried to salvage his evening with her white t-shirt. She was already in her pajamas when he got home, or perhaps she hadn’t changed out of them. But she smelled fresh when he hugged her in the kitchen, and her skin, when the shirt rode up, did not reveal the marks of other clothing. He could feel how sexy and luxurious her day spent in bed with a book had been from that alone.

“Did you finish your book?” he asked into her neck.

“The whole series, this morning. And then I stayed in bed pretending I didn’t have to leave the wizarding world.”

“That sounds nice.” Isak sighed. He too wished he had spent the whole day in a different world, one where Even didn’t exist, or at least where he could send him far, far away with the flick of a wrist.

“Bad day?” She must’ve heard it in his sigh.

Isak sighed again. His pitch had been put on the back burner, as a good idea but not a priority at the moment. He’d taken too long to fine tune it, after the sign distraction, and so he’d sent it off in a weakened state of mind to begin with. His whole day had truly taken a nosedive. 

And Isak still didn’t want to talk about it. But it was truly the only reason he had to be so upset, the only reason he couldn’t brush off Marius’s joke as a joke. Work was fine as long as he was out chasing sources or managing to get through the day without having to walk past Even’s office when he was at his desk. Isak was starting to get a feel for when Even had meetings, or when he would be out and about in the bullpen chatting up other coworkers. Between that and Even actually obeying his command to fuck off, the week had almost felt like it was back to normal. And maybe that’s why today has left him so on edge, because he had felt like he was safe.

But now the threat was back and everything was about to boil over. He didn’t want to talk about it but now he was doing just that. “So, there’s this new guy….”

Emma pushed herself out of Isak’s casual embrace but didn’t let go of his hands. She led him to the living room and sat him down on the couch while he talked, understanding that he was just getting started. Isak dropped down, his hands gesticulating as soon as they were free. “You know _exactly_ who I’m talking about, these agency guys, these content creators, fucking hashtags and buzzwords farting out their asses. He’s been hired to revolutionize the paper, chop our stories up into soundbites and flashy videos that they’ll use to trick people into clicking a link….”

Emma pushed her body back into Isak’s space, forcing his arms to gesticulate around her. She straddled his lap and tried to chase his gaze, which was bouncing around the room. Isak didn’t need to look at anything, he just needed to vent, and he had enough energy to be pacing the room if Emma’s weight wasn’t holding him down. She massaged his shoulders in an attempt to soothe him.

“And, ugh, he’s totally stalking me now too. I tried to make a twitter account over the weekend just to see what all of the fuss was about and I didn’t do _anything_, I didn’t post, I didn’t upload a photo, I just found my friends so I could follow them, and he emails me like a day later saying ‘Welcome to twitter!’ as if it’s his fucking home and he’s letting me in the front door. But how the fuck did he know I was there in the first place? He’s been stalking me, he’s so obsessed with me, just waiting for me to sign up so he can turn me into a little puppet and tell me what to say online.”

“You weren’t on twitter already?”

“Not the point!” He used the pause to take a breath, wind up for more. “The most infuriating thing was this morning. I was so fucking pumped to get to work so I could pitch a story on the tariffs but as soon as I get there I see a sign on my cubicle. That asshole hung up a “Beware of Dog” poster!” He finally made eye contact with Emma, waiting for her outraged response.

“He didn’t!”

And then he remembered: “Actually, he didn’t do it. But when I accused him of it, because his office is closest to my cubicle, he just laughed! I threw it at him because it was a fucking rude joke to play on a colleague, and he had the fucking balls to bring it back to me and _hang it up again_.”

Emma, like Even and Marthe, tried to stifle her own laugh.

“Oh, not you too.” Isak rolled his eyes and tried to wiggle out from under his traitorous girlfriend. But she wiggled back.

“Isak, wait, no, yes, it was rude, but it was also a funny joke. And, I don’t know, maybe the sign could be useful. You always hate when people walk right into your cube and interrupt you. You could use the sign to either legitimately warn people away or prove to them you have a sense of humor.”

“I have a sense of humor!”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t know if anyone else knows that.”

“Emma,” he growled in warning.

“Isak, it’s just a little office prank. There’s a whole freakin’ television show based on that. Don’t be a Dwight Schrute. That will just make him want to put your stapler in jello to get another reaction.”

Emma had a point. This was probably entertainment for Even, or ammunition. If he didn’t know what would set Isak off before, now he did. It was foolish to automatically blame Even without considering the most likely culprit, his own friend, because now he had shown his hand.

“But I must say…I’m enjoying _this_ reaction.” Emma wiggled her hips again, drawing Isak’s attention to her crotch. Her hands had moved from his shoulders down to the hem of her t-shirt, which she was stretching out to cover the erection that she was grinding against.

“Wai—“ Isak held up his hands in surrender, as if he didn’t want to take responsibility for the fact that his own dick was plumping up under Emma’s friction.

“I know. I’m surprised too. But let’s not scare it away, okay?” Emma leaned in and latched onto Isak’s neck with enough force to turn his head to the side. She sucked at his skin, and then ran her tongue under the loosened collar of his shirt. Isak’s hands nervously came to rest at her waist, over her tee, and he let her do what she wanted while he remained stunned.

This was…strange. Good, but strange. He didn’t think she’d been humping him aggressively enough for this response, especially when he was distracted by his tirade. But something had gotten him worked up, and it wasn’t the usual combination of Emma’s mouth and a cock ring, which was required to get hard enough for a fuck. Isak didn’t want to scare away this natural wonder either, but he was still confused by its presence after many years of general struggle. Perhaps because they hadn’t done anything remotely sexual together since she got back. Maybe this was a delayed homecoming present, a nicer surprise than the bouquet of flowers, which were already wilting in the kitchen.

Emma pawed at his pants. His shirt was already untucked, but she still had a belt, chinos, and boxer briefs in the way. She stumbled through the process of freeing his hard cock, unfamiliar with a member that hadn’t already been stroked and sucked in the open air.

Emma sank down onto him, both of them gasping at the feeling. Isak hadn’t had something this tight and hot around him in a long time, and his gasp was more in shock than pleasure. This was good, but strange. His grip tightened on her waist. She started a rhythm, finding a familiar angle. Neither of them talked, not wanting to jinx the ride. Emma tugged on her shirt and Isak let go for a moment so the fabric could clear her torso. She pulled it over her head and leaned forward, offering her nipples for him to bite. He did, if only to keep his mouth occupied. Isak licked and bit and remained as still as possible. Emma provided the tension as she fucked herself on his cock, pulling her breast taut and letting the pain swirl into pleasure. With nothing to look at but skin, still tan from the Italian sun, Isak closed his eyes. He prayed he would last.


	6. Pay Attention

Isak went to Nine’s on his own on Friday. Marius, Maja, and Kari Anne had gone ahead, leaving promptly at five. They left a sticky note on his keyboard with instructions to follow them as soon as possible. Isak got caught up in a conversation with Jakob about new construction on a mall, because there had been significant delays that were pissing Jakob off as well as making Isak suspicious. When he went back to his desk, most of the cubicles he passed on the way were empty already.

He took his time getting there, walking slow enough to let himself chew on the things he discussed with Jakob. He recorded a voice memo of something he wanted to look up later, for when he was less drunk. Most of the time those voice memos were genius ideas he thought up _when_ he was drunk, but this one he was just saving for later. He patted himself on the back for the time management and compartmentalization. Drinking now, research later.

Stepping into Nine’s, his eyes automatically went to the bar for Thomas. Thomas gave him a quick nod and then a grimace, which was concerning. Isak detoured. “What’s up?”

“Your…coworker is back.”

Isak stiffened. He didn’t turn around to confirm that Thomas was talking about Even, both because he didn’t need to, and because he couldn’t. After last night’s vent and fuck, and then an Even-free day at the office, Isak was feeling much better. But now the tension was back, digging into his shoulders, not letting him turn.

Thomas slid a shot across the bar to him. “A little bit of armor before you head into battle.” Isak threw it back. When he slammed it down, Thomas had his beer waiting for him. Isak picked this up next, composed his face into pure apathy, and turned toward their booth.

Rage flared as soon as Isak saw Even, which was the first thing that happened after the turn. He heard the blood pumping in his ears, louder than the bustle of the restaurant on a Friday evening. But he remained composed, walking at a casual pace to the booth, and greeting his friends with a smile. He avoided eye contact with Even though, pretending he wasn’t there at all. They were seated in the same positions as last week, so Isak took his place on the end. He drank for a few minutes, just listening to the conversation and waiting for a moment to jump in. They were, of course, talking about twitter.

“Oh hey, you saw that Isak joined twitter, right?” Marius did his best to loop Isak in. Isak could hear the caution in Even’s voice when he replied.

“I did.”

“Let’s figure out what his first tweet should be.”

They all had, apparently, noticed that Isak’s profile was severely lacking in any kind of detail and activity. Maja reached a hand across the table to him and rested her fingers lightly on his wrist. “Welcome to the modern world, honey.”

“I’m not sure I want my first tweet exposing how tipsy you guys already are.”

“I don’t think you want us to craft a tweet for you sober either, but it’s happening.” Kari Anne had pulled out her phone and opened her notes. She was going to transcribe the potential options that Marius was already spitting out. 

Isak humored Marius, listening to the rather lame things he was thinking up, but was also quick to veto anything that Marius thought was actually decent. “If I wanted to sound like you I would just retweet your shit.”

Marius snapped his fingers. “That is an excellent idea. Do it.”

“I know I don’t have any followers but I wouldn’t put them through such torture.”

“Aww, c’mon, I could really use the numbers.”

“You’d have just as much success with creating a second account, Marius, and retweeting yourself,” Even finally chimed in. “Isak’s account looks like a puppet anyway.”

“I’m not a puppet!” Isak swatted the accusation away, swinging blindly in Even’s general direction.

“You are until you post a photo and actually tweet something intelligent.”

“Well that cancels Marius’s retweets,” Kari Anne interjected, cutting through the already rising tension between Isak and Even’s first interaction. Isak remembered he’d wanted to play it cool, so he just waved a hand toward Even again and went back to ignoring him. He drank. Marius gave up on his mission for Isak’s tweets having been so thoroughly dismissed as well, and turned the conversation to the progress of his footballer diary. They talked about sports for a while.

Marius and Isak alternated getting rounds. No one mentioned Isak’s little stunt with Even’s tab last week, and Maya looped Even in on their payment methods. On Fridays, Thomas did a good job of keeping all of their tabs separate even though only one person was running drinks. They would all pay at the end of the night on their own. If it was a different, less familiar bartender, they’d stick to one tab and keep track of their drinks on their own, sending money to whoever covered the bill no more than 48 hours later. It was poor form if you had to be reminded what you owed a friend, but they all kept meticulous records anyway. Isak has also made rambling voice memos that included, “You owe Kari Anne for five green beers.” It was an effective system. They drank and ate and talked about more casual things, now that Even was caught up with their office dynamics. Maja continued to flirt.

Kari Anne observed. She took notes for Maja and sent them to their group chat. Isak ignored the constant buzzing in his pocket while he talked about football with Marius. He didn’t have a strong interest in the sport, but he learned enough from and for Marius to have decent conversations about it. Marius was brushing him up on one particular club, the one he would be shadowing, and introducing all of the players. He was also trying to get Isak to come out to a game and use his press pass, since Marius would have field access during his project and not need it.

“Oh, we should all go to a game!”

“I can only get two people in with my pass.” Marius quickly became overwhelmed at the prospect of hosting the rest of the group as well.

“No, we can actually buy tickets. Or I can see if any of our clients have sponsor seats.” This was Maja’s contribution to the group’s social calendars: using her advertising clients to gain access to events that they wouldn’t be able to attend as journalists or non-industry people. Maja picked up her phone to start research, or at least make a note of the need to do it. “Let me know which teams are playing in the city and I’ll see who I need to contact.”

“Uh, well, on Wednesday it’s Skeid versus Ranheim.”

No one at the table knew of either of those teams but Maja took dutiful notes anyway. “I’ll see if I can get four tickets.” She gave Even a pointed look to let him know he was included in the headcount. Isak let out a low groan into his glass, imagining an evening trapped with Even with nothing to distract him except a sport he no longer had interest in. It would be a battle of boredom, and Isak was not sure which would kill him first.

“Oh don’t be a Debbie Downer, Isak. We haven’t done anything as a group besides sit in this booth, so this will be a fun outing. And we can see Marius in his natural habitat.”

“I thought _this_ was his natural habitat,” Even joked, and everyone laughed at the barb, including Marius. Marius even kept it going.

“This is just my summer home.”

They shifted into a conversation about family cabins, Kari Anne revealing that their small group occasionally fantasized about getting one to share. Maja’s family had one that she used, and she generously shared an occasional free weekend with her friends. Even said his parents had one as well, but even if they didn’t have one, he wasn’t sure the economics of owning one himself were in his favor. He and his friends had focused on getting individual apartments in the city first.

Isak paid attention when Even mentioned friends, since this was the first time, and Isak had just assumed Even didn’t have any, considering how quickly he’d invaded Isak’s own group. He begrudgingly acknowledged that it made sense though, that Even had friends, being such a socially-oriented person who seemed at ease with whoever he was around. He just wished Even would spend time outside of the office with them instead of at Nine’s, because the evenings he used to use to decompress just left him with elevated blood pressure now, and it seemed like it was going to be a regularly scheduled activity. He drank to distract himself from that future. And from the present. He went to the bar for an extra round, out of turn, just for something else to do besides listen to Even.

Isak managed his emotions right up until the dreaded cigarette break. As Kari Anne scooched out of the booth, she gave him a warning glare. “Play nice.” He raised his hands in faux-surrender. When he took his seat again Isak remained silent. He drank and helped himself to some chips. He looked around the restaurant and tried to listen to the surrounding conversations, training his ear toward isolated voices. He acted as if Even weren’t there at all, which would be the ideal situation.

But then there was his voice, and Isak automatically turned toward it. “I’m not trying to have a go. I’m just genuinely curious. How…are you a journalist without a twitter account? Like, how do you get your news?” Even was speaking fast and soft, in order to ask his question without giving Isak something to be upset by.

Isak ignored it.

“I don’t give a shit if you don’t want to tweet but…how do you do your job?”

Isak, of course, took offense at this question, as it implied he _wasn't_ doing his job. “Just because your entire world revolves around a single app doesn’t mean mine does too. I use other social media, as well as RSS feeds and Google alerts. I have a system that worked well enough to get me where I am and I have no need to disrupt that just to make you feel better about _your_ job.”

“Calm down, Isak.” It was Even’s turn to groan and roll his eyes. “I just think it’s strange that for someone at a newspaper, someone who is particular about the timing of things, is happy to rely on feeds that do not update in real time. Your source material is being manipulated by whatever your mother likes on Facebook and hours-long delays on syndicated material.”

How the fuck did he know he was particular about timing? It wasn’t even something he talked to his friends about, just a truly personal preference. “You really are stalking me, huh.” Isak made eye contact then, to convey his disappointment that his suspicions were true.

“What the fuck? I’m not _stalking_ you, Isak."

Isak wished he were less drunk before launching into his argument, but he wasn’t. He at least had enough sensibility to keep his voice lowered. Though that might’ve just been a side effect of the clenched jaw.

“You find me on twitter like, a day after I sign up, with zero identifying information—“

“You followed your three friends from our place of employment and they followed you back. Your account was promoted into my feed. Your handle literally has your name in it.”

Fine. Whatever. “Then how do you know about timing? Hmm? Timing is _everything_, so it’s important that I can craft my stories to meet an audience at just the right moment, in just the right way.”

“First of all, you sound like a douchebag.” Even was leaning in over the table, to keep his voice lowered but making sure Isak wasn’t missing anything. “Second, it’s fucking _journalism_. Of course timing is everything. You’re not some special reporter who managed to crack a secret code. Timing means you’ve successfully met your reader halfway.”

Isak’s face went slack while he tried to process Even’s insult slash observation.

“And third, you walk past my office at the same time every day. You’d have to be an idiot not to notice you’re very particular about being on time.”

Isak dropped his gaze when he realized that Even was right, that these were all quite transparent things and didn’t require much effort to interpret. He didn’t want to give up though, so he scrambled for some sort of rebuttal. “Well…the least you can do is not steal my friends, not use them to mock me, and just…and just stay out of my business!”

Even stared at him, almost stunned to silence. Almost. “You are so smart, Isak, but it is shocking how dumb you are being right now. I am not _stealing your friends_. I’m trying to get to know my coworkers, so I can have a social life at work and do my job better. I’ve been going out with people every night this week, across different departments, in an attempt to familiarize myself with a newsroom that demands this level of interaction in order for it to run smoothly. We are all creating a single thing, a newspaper, day in and day out, and in order to contribute to that I need to understand how people interact, how their strengths play off of each other and where their weaknesses lie in wait. Luckily it’s only taken two evenings with you to figure out exactly what I’m dealing with.

“Since it bothers you so much, I’ll do my best to avoid your friend group from now on. I will have to figure out some sort of believable excuse that will keep Maja’s unquenchable thirst from literally dragging me out of my office. I’m not sure what else I can do to reduce your own obsession with me, but perhaps you can spend another Friday evening alone brainstorming a solution.”

Even started shifting to the other side of the table, slowly making his exit. “I do hope we can establish some sort of professional relationship, so I can continue to promote your work with as little friction as necessary, but I understand there are some deep-seated issues here that you need time to figure out. While you do that though, please also read my emails and respond in a…_timely_ fashion.” Even reached the end of the bench and stood up.

“Now now, please don’t rush to the bar to pay for my drinks.” Even feigned magnanimity for the both of them. “You just stay here and wait for _your_ friends to return. But before I go, let me just make one tiny suggestion.” He stepped up to the edge of the table, leaning in to get in Isak’s face. Isak thought he was returning Even’s heavy stare but couldn’t be sure at this point in the evening. His hand was gripping his pint glass something fierce though, and he could feel the heat from Even’s breath turning into flames climbing his neck. He waited for Even’s final judgment.

“Pay attention. Look up from your own goddamn dick for a fucking second. Pay attention to the people in your life instead of the drug dealers you’re desperate to befriend. Maybe then you’ll figure out what you’re running from, or at least be able to see that your girlfriend is cheating on you.”

There was a singular moment when they both paused, while Isak registered what Even said and Even waited for the fallout. But then the moment passed. Isak lunged.

It was some sort of attack. He hadn’t thought about what he wanted to accomplish, just acted on impulse, so he merely threw his body at Even, spilling beer everywhere, and telling him to go to hell while effectively just hugging him. Even pushed Isak off of him, yelling about his general stupidity, and got enough force behind his resistance to send Isak falling across the now wet bench. Isak, continuing to be stupid, stumbled to his feet and attacked again. They moved to the aisle. Thomas watched the saddest bar fight ever from behind the taps.

“I’m never giving him a free shot ever again.”

* * *

Both of them were thrown out. Rather, they were dragged, by two very embarrassed coworkers. Kari Anne took Isak and Marius took Even, separating them and struggling to pull them toward the door as fast as they could. Out on the sidewalk Isak made one last attempt at…a hug? But Even easily stepped out of his trajectory so Isak simply stumbled forward. Isak managed to keep his feet under him though, settling for heavy breathing and a death stare once he regained his balance.

“What the ever-loving _fuck_ are you doing?” Kari Anne demanded, irritated that their cigarette break had been interrupted by two adults acting like children.

“This _asshole_ is talking shit about my girlfriend.”

Even snorted. Marius didn’t have much of a grip on him anymore, because Even was clearly controlling his anger better than Isak, but he still shrugged away from his handler. “Isak is just being drunk and stupid right now.”

“Shut the _fuck_ up.” In addition to being rude and straight up lying, Even was now dismissing him. So Isak walked away. People had followed them out of the bar to watch, to hope for, more fighting, but Isak was at least smart enough in this moment to not make things worse. He’d given Even his last command, wrenched his arms out of Kari Anne’s grip, and made his way to the bus stop. He cursed the sidewalk in an attempt to expel the rest of his anger as he went.

A few minutes later he felt Kari Anne’s hand lightly grab his wrist. Her fingers moved quickly and gently to unfurl his fist, and he let her hold his hand while they walked. Despite the fury still roiling at his surface, he knew Kari Anne wasn’t trying to fight it, or him. She was just concerned.

But then she spoke up. “What’s your source?” Isak was confused. When he glanced at Kari Anne he saw that she had actually directed the question behind them.

“Instagram.”

It was a reflex at this point; the mere sound of Even’s existence made Isak spin around for an attack. Kari restrained him immediately though, and Even was hanging back far enough to not be in danger. “Stalker!” Isak bellowed.

“Isak!” Paired with her sharp tone, a sudden, strong pull on his arm distracted Isak enough to focus on Kari Anne.

“Fuck, my shoulder.”

“Your shoulder is going to be the least of your problems if you don’t start behaving like an adult. Even lives near me. His stop is right after mine. He’s just going home.” She kept tugging on his arm, directing him forward, keeping him walking. “You would know that if you didn’t storm out last week, though I suppose that was a less embarrassing exit than whatever the fuck you’re doing right now.”

When they got to the bus stop they stood off to the side. Kari Anne kept Isak away from the Friday night crowd in case he was still feeling violent. Even stood nearby, on Kari Anne’s other side, close enough to be associated with them but still out of Isak’s reach. After Isak was silent long enough for Kari Anne to believe she could look away from him, she did. “What do you mean, Instagram?”

“I follow his girlfriend on Instagram, as well as the other model she’s having an affair with. Neither of them are really hiding anything. Or they aren’t aware of how obvious they’re being.”

“But how do you _know_?”

Isak was seething, but also struggling to process the information quickly enough to form rebuttals (and he wanted to make _many_). Luckily Kari Anne was asking the right questions.

“Whenever Emma travels, this other model is always with her. At first it was easy enough to chalk it up to coincidence, that they were booked the same gigs or at least the same cities. But they never actually were. If you went back far enough, you’d see that’s how they met, but I didn’t catch on to it until it was a pretty established relationship.”

“Even, you have to have _proof_ for this kind of shit.”

“Yes, yes, I have receipts.”

Both Isak and Kari Anne rolled their eyes. Even pulled his phone out of his pocket and his fingers scrambled to find the screenshots. “You…you can just scroll through their profiles and pick up the hints. It’s a little more obvious in their stories. But she was, Emma was talking about their relationship on a livestream one night, and I don’t know if she was drunk or just being more open about it, but she was talking about the other girl like they were a couple, talking about the dates they’d gone on, and just…answering questions with like, an intimate knowledge.”

“That still sounds like conjecture.”

“Well technically, she didn’t outright say on camera that she is in a romantic or sexual relationship—“

“Even.”

Isak was letting himself get angry again, because on top of Even’s bullshit accusation he didn’t even have the proper evidence to back up—

“She wrote it to me in a direct message.”

Isak heard Kari Anne gasp loud enough to make heads turn from the other groups. She’d abandoned Isak’s side, letting his hand go so she could grab Even’s phone, see the evidence with her own eyes. Isak stood still, refusing to give whatever the fuck was happening an ounce of credibility with his attention.

A bus pulled up.

“Wait, okay, it’s a screenshot. Can I see the actual conversation?”

“Well there’s a lot to wade through.”

“Right, but, anyone can fake a screenshot, you know? Not that I think you would do that, but….” 

Isak walked to the bus. It was the equivalent of putting his hands over his ears and humming. He pushed into the crowd, almost exaggerating his drunkenness, to get onto the bus faster, to distance himself from the slander.

That’s all it was. That’s all it fucking was. Even was just trying to ruin his life because he was an absolute, confirmed, asshole, and since he knew he wasn’t going to be able to attack his career, Even was going for his personal life. Fuck. Jesus fuck. Isak clung to a pole while the bus whisked him home. He hadn’t bothered to turn around, to see if Kari Anne or Even had gotten on the bus too. But it didn’t matter. Fuck Even. Fuck Kari Anne for believing him. Fuck Instagram. Fuck twitter. Fuck everything.

Isak made it back to his apartment on pure anger keeping him upright and muscle memory keeping him moving forward. It was dark when he got inside, but Emma’s bag was hanging by the door and her usual trainers were on the ground. He toed out of his own shoes, leaning against the wall for support, and shuffled to the bedroom. His bedside lamp was on, casting a soft glow over his half of the room, but his girlfriend was curled up, facing the other way, asleep.

A small smile tugged at Isak’s lips. It was a kind thing for her to do, leaving the little beacon on for his usual Friday night stumble. But it wasn’t enough to wipe out the anger he had at Even, and the seed of doubt Even had managed to plant.

And because Kari Anne had gasped, because she was fact-checking Even’s argument before Isak walked away, he stood there in the doorway and whispered to the soft light:

“Are you cheating on me?”


	7. Proof

Isak woke up to a hangover and a text from Maja. _You owe me for your drinks and share of the food from last night._ He rolled out of bed and went to the kitchen. He needed water, at least, and possibly some food, before he could face anything else on his phone. While he ran the tap and took long sips he sent Maja the requested amount of money.

A note was scribbled on the pad on the fridge: _client breakfast xx_

Isak knew what that was, because Emma had warned him about it a couple days ago, but also because it was a regular thing. She would go to breakfasts or lunches or dinners and eat tiny plates of food while being presented with new products or clothing to promote. Emma called it “lame agency stuff” but they were also happening more frequently. This one she had to leave earlier in the morning for, because there was a yoga element to the breakfast that was part of the experience. Emma didn’t do yoga.

He refilled his glass and took it back to bed. He didn’t have the stomach for food just yet, and could probably do with a few more hours of sleep. His eyelids, his whole body, felt heavy. He set the glass on his bedside table, rolled toward the middle of the bed, and closed his eyes.

Instead of falling asleep though, Isak tried to replay the night before in his mind. He’d drank too much, clearly, but he was now realizing that he couldn’t remember what happened. He was both physically and mentally wiped out, which was something that hadn’t happened in a while. Naturally, he wanted to blame that on Even.

Even. Even had been at the bar. What had they talked about? Isak dragged his phone up to his face and cracked a single eye open, just enough to see the screen. He went to his texts to see if there was a general play-by-play like there had been last weekend.

Maja had already sent a perky thank you in response to the payment.

Marius advised him to avoid Nine’s for a while, _let’s drink somewhere else until thomas forgets what happened_

What happened? He opened the texts from Kari Anne next, hoping she had the answers.

_text me when you wake up, we should talk. if you want to come over to my place for brunch i will happily supply you with something to cure your hangover._

Even only half-awake Isak knew that something was seriously wrong, There was little that Kari Anne wasn’t willing to put in writing, so the fact that she wanted him to get dressed and visit her for a conversation meant Isak had done something horrible. He gave himself another headache trying to recall details about the night before.

* * *

Isak fell back asleep without realizing it. He woke up again around eleven. The apartment was as still as it had been the first time; Emma hadn’t come back yet. Isak looked at the phone still in his hand and finally texted Kari Anne.

_Awake. Don’t remember anything, so your text is very concerning._

She did not respond with reassurances, only a command: _bring orange juice._

Isak didn’t count it as a complete blackout. He’d clearly been able to keep his head on long enough to get home, strip, and get in bed. Yesterday’s clothes were in a pile on the floor but nothing was soiled. And a quick search for injuries or marks in the bathroom came up empty. Even his dick worked well enough for a quick wank in the shower. This made him slightly suspicious, because either he’d forgotten an entire evening so thoroughly, which was rare, or Kari Anne was being vague and dramatic for nothing, which was also rare. Before he left the apartment he checked his phone for any voice memo clues, but the last one he’d made was a reminder to look up the demolition company used for the new mall construction.

He did his best to push it out of his mind, to stop running useless circles until he had Kari Anne in front of him. He walked to her apartment, grabbing a bottle of orange juice from a convenience store along the way.

At her apartment, Isak didn’t bother with pleasantries. He knocked, then announced, “I don’t remember anything.”

“Gathered. Come in.” Kari Anne took the bottle to her small kitchen. She had her waffle maker out on the counter, surrounded by batter, plates, and toppings, so there wasn’t any space for the drinks that she’d promised. She put the orange juice in the fridge, squeezing it up against a bunch of other bottles. Isak helped himself to the couch, which is what separated her kitchen from her living room.

“Where shall we start?” He was ready to dive right in.

“Waffles. Then alcohol.”

They fortified themselves. Kari Anne was in as much need of the hair of the dog, so she let Isak make the waffles while she mixed up a pitcher of hurricanes.

“I didn’t realize you were so well-stocked for fruity cocktails.” They’d both gone for brown cheese on their first waffles, and the drinks paired well, going down easy.

“I had one of those ‘girls nights’ months ago and we smoked more than we drank so I’ve been trying to get through all of this alcohol since then.”

“I should come over more often then.”

“Please! I miss having storage space in my fridge.”

As he ate, Isak realized how hungry he was. For their second waffle they did strawberry jam. Isak switched to straight orange juice after his second cocktail, knowing that he was here for a heavy conversation, not just the recovery carbohydrates. He needed his wits about him.

“So…you truly don’t remember anything?” Kari Anne asked after she dumped their plates in the sink.

Isak gave himself a moment to think, make one last attempt to remember, before answering. “I remember going to Nine’s. Even was there. I remember…being angry. But then nothing until I woke up. I knew I’d drunk a lot because I had a headache, but I had made it all the way to bed without any…injuries.”

“Okay.” Kari Anne sighed while she topped off her cup from the pitcher. “For the record, you’re like…always angry. But last night you turned it up to eleven.”

“I’m not always angry.”

“Uh….”

“Am I angry right now?”

“Well not right now, no, because you’re full of waffles. But in about a minute I think you will be. This right now is an outlier.” Kari Anne came back to the couch curling up on the end opposite Isak. He pulled a leg up to imitate her comfortable position, relaxing now that he didn’t need a lap for his plate.

“Okay, let’s just get to it. From the top.”

Isak did his best to keep his mouth shut during Kari Anne’s retelling. She stuck to the facts, but even those sounded made up to him. By the time she’d gotten to the end, when Isak got on the bus without them, he was shocked into silence. He had to swallow the saliva that was pooling because his mouth was hanging open, before he could say anything.

“I…hit Even?”

It was Kari Anne’s turn to be shocked. “I thought you’d be more interested in the fact that your girlfriend is in another relationship with a model, but yeah. I didn’t see it, but Maja got the details from Thomas while paying. He said you lunged across the table. When we got back inside you were just sort of, standing and wrestling. That’s when we all pulled you outside, where you kept trying to hit him.” Kari Anne tried to bring it back around to the whole point of the conversation. “And Even said you did that because he told you that Emma was—is cheating on you.”

“Well…no, it’s probably because he was lying. He just said that to piss me off.”

“No, Isak. He’s right. I was reading through his conversations with Emma. And after you got on the bus, he showed me some screenshots and videos from the other girl’s account to back it all up. But it really wasn’t necessary, because he has on record that Emma is sleeping with another model. Emma was with her in Italy.”

“She had work, she was there for photoshoots.”

“She was only there for one photoshoot. The rest of the time was a vacation with her girlfriend.”

Isak’s mind kept jumping back and forth between the two things he still wasn’t able to process completely: Even had been talking to Emma, and Emma’s been lying to him. Neither of them made sense. And as he continued to work through these two facts, he realized that he was more angry about Even knowing about Emma than about what Emma was actually doing. He caught up to Kari Anne’s shock about his reaction.

“Do you want to see the messages? I had Even send them to me.”

“N-no.” He didn’t want or need to see them. He trusted Kari Anne. He took some more time to just walk through the order of events.

Certain moments came back to him, prompted by Kari Anne’s explanations. He remembered the bus stop. He remembered having to sit alone with Even while his friends went out for their cigarette break. He could see what Even looked like then, but they were flashes of moments, not cinematic reels, and the conversations were completely lost to him. He remembered talking to Jakob before he went to the bar, and that must’ve been what the voice memo had been about. The rest of Friday was there, and Thursday to— “Oh fuck.” He remembered his rant from Thursday night, how the floodgates had finally opened on Even, and how he was telling Emma about him until she shut him up by sitting on his dick.

“What?”

“I was…I was ranting to Emma about Even on Thursday and….” Isak pressed his fingertips to his forehead. “She didn’t say anything about him, but she…she already knew who he was. God this is fucking creepy. Or, not creepy, but. Fuck. I’m just the last to know anything. It feels gross.”

Kari Anne took one last sip of her cocktail then leaned forward to place the cup on her coffee table. She shifted closer to Isak and held out her hand. He stared at her offer for a moment, then slid one hand into her palm. She squeezed.

“I know it’s a lot. That’s why we’re here with waffles and alcohol. And you have my undivided attention today, if you want to talk about it.”

Isak shook his head. “Probably not right now. I just need to sit with it all for a little bit more.”

“You’re welcome to do that. I know I was kind of teasing you before, but you can also be angry about this too. Well, angry about the Emma thing. I don’t think you should be angry with Even.”

This, of course, made Isak angry. “Why not? He’s stalking my girlfriend, trying to be friends with her just to blow up her relationship—“ He was winding up for another rant again, but Kari Anne squeezed his hand.

“Isak. He was just…just looking out for you. I think Emma is the only person at fault here, for her actions. Even is just trying to help you, by sharing information that he knows about her.”

Isak scoffed. “Did he tell you to say that, to defend him?”

“No. I’m defending him from my position outside of any of these relationships. Besides, wouldn’t it have been worse if he had known what Emma was doing and kept it a secret?”

“No, don’t pull a hypothetical out for him. It would’ve been _better_ if he hadn’t talked to Emma or me or you _at all_.”

“Isak.” Kari Anne was exasperated, but she held onto him. “Trust me. It’s better that you know. It’s better that you have all of the information, and you can make a decision on how you want your relationship to work…or not. You were just complaining about how horrible it is to be out of the loop. Well, thanks to Even, you’re in the loop. You’re no longer going to be the dumb bystander while your girlfriend is out fucking someone else. Or…well, you could still be a bystander if you want, but at least you’ll have made that decision for yourself. Okay?”

Isak held his tongue. He didn’t actually know what he wanted to say in return, just that he wanted to say _something_. He didn’t want anything that Kari Anne was telling him to be true, or to make sense, because then he would have to deal with it. For a brief moment he was about to argue that it _would_ have been better if he were just a dumb bystander, because things had been _fine_ up until Even entered the bullpen. Hadn’t they been? He clenched his jaw and stared at Kari Anne’s sleeping television. He tried to remember what it was like. He tried to figure out how much he wanted to go back to that, if at all.

“I think I should go.”

“Is Emma home?”

“I don’t know. She was gone this morning.”

“Do you know if you want to say anything to her?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, well….” She was still holding his hand. She didn’t want to let him go. “Call me if you want to talk. You could…you could call Even too, if you want to hear his side of the story. But he’s really just the messenger Isak. You have to promise me you won’t shoot the messenger.” She knew exactly what he wanted to do, and she had foolishly shone a spotlight on it.

“I at least should be able to yell at him for sliding into my girlfriend’s DMs.”

“He didn’t—. Okay, technically that’s where he was talking to her, but it was just because he was suspicious. He wasn’t trying to flirt with her or anything. He knew you are her boyfriend. Hell, the world knows you’re her boyfriend. But that’s what sparked all of this, because it looked like there was also someone else, and he was trying to confirm it.”

Isak didn’t want to listen to this. He’d tuned most of it out anyway, immune to any defenses of Even Kari Anne was attempting. He pulled his hand out of her grip. “Look, just email me everything you have about this. I need to take some time with it. Then I’ll let you know who I intend on shooting first.”

“Isak.”

He stood up. “Don’t worry, it won’t be you. _You're_ just the messenger.”

* * *

Isak went to the office. He didn’t want to go home, in case Emma was there, and he needed a place where he knew he could think all of this stuff through. At the office he could put on his headphones and map out what he knew, and what steps he wanted to take next.

He was approaching this like a story. He was hunting down all of the details, reviewing them to confirm the various interpretations, how different perspectives would come into play, and figuring out what story needed to be told. If he was lucky, it would be the story he’d _want_ to tell. If he wasn’t, he was in for some serious work.

The newsroom had a weekend staff, plus anyone else who wanted to work, or had to work, against a deadline. It wasn’t as bustling as during the week, since the news naturally slowed its cycle, but Isak was not alone in the bullpen. He made detached greetings to the few who noticed him. No one questioned his presence, either, since he’d spent weekends in the office before. The only thing that might’ve stood out would’ve been the fruity drink on his breath or the more casual clothes that hadn’t anticipated a visit beyond Kari Anne’s couch. He slipped into his cubicle without a fuss.

Kari Anne had sent a giant email to his personal account, and the proof was sitting there in an unorganized pile of digital paper clips. Isak pulled out his phone first though, starting with Emma’s actual Instagram account. He tapped through her story, paying attention to the things he would normally barely give enough time to load. He wrote down the handles of all of the people she mentioned, then went through all of their profiles to get a feel for her network. Even though Kari Anne had sent the exact person in the email, Isak wanted to figure it out for himself. For some reason this was important, to prove that he…well, it was too late now, but to prove that he _could_ have seen it coming.

It took him a while, longer than he liked to admit, to narrow it down to a Chinese woman named Beverly. Her profile was filled with photos of Emma, and the highlights she’d saved were all international trips that matched Emma’s itineraries over the past six months, at least. Isak didn’t go any deeper into their history, not needing to know when it started. There was evidence enough that whatever it was had been established for a while.

Isak sat in his chair and felt stupid. Gross and stupid. The only other emotion that had a chance of overwhelming his own pity was his annoyance that Even had been right. And not only that Even had been right last night, but that Even had been right long before they’d ever met. Even had seen what everyone else had seen, and he still knew more about Isak’s relationship than Isak himself. Isak couldn’t even mourn the inevitable future of his relationship because he was so distracted by his own ineptitude and Even’s…fuck, he didn’t even want to think which word would best describe Even’s skill because that was dangerously close to a compliment, or at least a credit in his ledger. Isak sat up in his chair, extending his gaze above his computer, right into the dark doorway of Even’s office. “Fuck.”

Isak rolled his shoulders. He returned to his computer. He opened Kari Anne’s email and clicked through the corroborating screenshots. He read the conversations that Even had with Emma, almost shocked by their innocence. He was talking about Harry Potter and the things he liked to do in Copenhagen, but most of the time it was Emma sharing details of her life that were barely prompted from him. And he hadn’t been talking to Emma for long, maybe only a few weeks. The openness, the confessions, came quickly and easily. Understanding all of this made Isak a little jealous, that Emma was indulging in a stranger over her own boyfriend, and that Even carried the conversations so well that Isak could not blame him for them. He was putting as little effort into the messages as Isak did in person, and yet this was still happening: Emma was in love with someone else and she was sharing that with everyone but Isak.

He shut everything down. He shuffled his notes into a small pile and folded the paper scraps into his pocket. The last thing he did before he left the office was check Beverly’s Instagram. She’d added a quick video of the breakfast spread, flicking her camera at Emma to catch her just as she was taking a bite of something. There was no audio but Isak could hear Emma’s laugh anyway, a light giggle that didn’t betray her embarrassment. Then there was a shot of Beverly and Emma presenting skilled poses in front of a reflective surface. Whatever they were modeling was slightly obscured by tags, brands that he was more familiar with now. The sight of them together, which was also familiar, even in its new definition, simply made Isak sigh. He left the office resigned to something that had been a truth for a while.

* * *

Emma was packing when he got home. “Where to next?” he asked, making her jump at the sudden noise. She must’ve been too focused to hear him arrive, but once she relaxed she turned and smiled at him.

“Hey, um, New York.”

“Okay.” Isak left her to her packing. He didn’t know if she had told him that before and he had forgotten or if this was a surprise, sudden trip. He didn’t even know if it was for work, but at this point he really didn’t care. He took his apathy to the couch.

Isak had stopped thinking about Emma as soon as he left the office, feeling like it wasn’t anything to worry about anymore. There wasn’t a mystery to find clues for or a puzzle to solve. The notes still stuffed in his pocket pointed to an effective dead end. He wasn’t motivated to confront her about it either, because he knew what it would lead to, and he didn’t know if he was ready for that. If he had been, he was sure it should’ve happened years ago. He wasn’t ready to admit that, either.

So he opened twitter. His profile was still empty, the anonymous avatar staring back at him. He flicked over to his feed, which was just the same tweets from his friends that he’d seen on Friday. If he wanted something to distract him, he’d have to create it himself. He turned on the TV, running a news channel on mute. He looked at the photos of him and Emma, which were sporadically selected and printed over the years, celebrating mundane moments from their youth. He felt old, then, suddenly so distanced from the people they used to be. He hadn’t felt the change that had been working behind the scenes, inching them apart so slowly that he hadn’t noticed, or at least hadn’t cared about recovering. But now that Even had laid it out, screenshots fanned like a hand of cards, Isak couldn’t not see it.

He looked at Emma in those photos and thought about how beautiful she was. She was stunning, ever since high school, in the most candid of photos. No matter her hair length or clothing style or amount of makeup; her entire body conformed to beauty standards that reigned for decades and capitalized on trends. She always looked like she _fit_, which is probably why seeing her with Beverly, or any of the other models, never threw Isak off. Emma always made sense. 

So her breakfast date with Beverly made sense. So her packing to leave again made sense. It was Isak that didn’t fit anymore. It was Isak that was throwing Isak off in all of those photos on the walls. It was Isak sitting on his couch, opening twitter again, and typing out the stupidest thing he could post on the internet.

@isakyakiwrites: I think we should break up.

* * *

Kari Anne checked in on him about an hour later. _saw your tweet. what’s going on?_

Well that’s annoying. Isak had been reveling in his anonymity, where he could post what he was thinking without having to be accountable for those thoughts. It had been a nice hour. Relaxed. _I haven’t said anything to her yet. Just thinking._

_try not to do that on a digital, public platform next time._

_If Marius can do it, why can’t I?_

_i don’t know that what he does counts as thinking. but seriously, save it for your typewriter._

_I don’t have one._ He threw his phone toward the other end of the couch and stood up.

Emma was pulling her suitcase, now packed, out of the bedroom when he turned toward the door. She gave him a gentle smile.

“How long is this trip?”

“A week. I might stay longer if I book this other job, but my agent doesn’t think it’ll actually come through.”

“Ok, um.” 

Emma drew her suitcase to the wall and was about to turn back to the bedroom. Isak felt the urge to say something, but he didn’t know what. She paused when she noticed him inhale, his wind-up. But when nothing followed she went to the bathroom to pack her toiletries.

Isak scrunched up his whole face—eyes, nose, mouth—and asked after her: “Are you flying tonight?”

“Very early tomorrow morning.”

Isak’s fingers went to the bridge of his nose to pinch it further. “I think we should break up.”

He gasped after he said it, shocked that he’d actually done it and shocked that it had been painless, so far. His eyes popped open. In the few moments he’d had them shut, he’d forgotten how bright their apartment was.

Emma slowly emerged from the bathroom. She had her toothpaste in one hand and pack of face wipes in the other. “What?”

“Break up. We. Us.” Saying it to her face was a little more difficult, but he still managed. There was another soft gasp when he repeated it.

“Like take a break?”

“No. We’re done.” Isak was shocked by how steady his voice was, though he shouldn’t have been. There is no question when two plus two equals four, and his and Emma’s relationship as an intimate, exclusive couple was over.

Emma didn’t ask why. Emma didn’t question the equation or ask for proof. She accepted it, for now, with a silent nod. Isak recognized that understanding as something that has been a part of their relationship for a long time, maybe since the beginning. They both knew what was going on, what the purpose of this exchange was. This understanding, that let them fall apart so smoothly now, was the same one that had kept them together for so long. Emma went back into the bathroom. Isak went back to the couch. He opened twitter.


	8. Typewriter

Isak forwarded Emma’s email to Kari Anne. She called him when she’d read it.

“Sorry it’s late.”

“No, it’s not like I’m going to sleep anyway.”

“So you broke up last night. She got on a plane, and then sent this?”

“Yuuuuup.”

“Did you…talk about anything else?”

“Nope.”

Isak wasn’t being stingy with details either, literally nothing else happened. Emma finished packing. She went to bed. Isak ate a bag of chips and drank a beer, staying in front of the TV for the rest of the evening. When he went to bed Emma was already curled away, in the dark. And then in the morning she was gone before he’d woken up. The email came about twenty minutes into her flight, just as Isak was getting into a bowl of cereal.

“Okay, well then I guess that…fits. I feel like I’m proofing a marketing proposal reading this. There is a very calculated amount of emotion that seems to be added just for show. But this is supposed to be a break up.”

The email was terms for dissolution, and could’ve been written by Emma’s agent rather than Emma herself. Isak had checked the sender just to confirm that it was from her. Emma had outlined what she wanted to happen going forward: how their lives would separate physically, and how Emma was going to talk about it on social media. Isak had taken most of the day reading it over and over again, figuring out how comfortable he was with her plan, and trying to find any subtext. But all he could extract from it was that it was clinical, and possibly cobbled together based on other people’s relationships. He could have replaced his name and Emma’s name with anyone else’s and it still would have made sense, it still would have sounded fair. It still would have seemed like it was written from the outside, for the outside, with zero reference to the years they’d spent together, on the inside. Isak shared it with Kari Anne easily, knowing she would see as much as he could, which was nothing much at all.

“It sounds reasonable.” Her comment was still guarded. She was waiting for Isak’s lead, to see whether she was supposed to agree with him or play devil’s advocate. But he didn’t have anything to offer. In fact, he was looking to her to figure out how he was supposed to respond.

“Should I reply?”

“Do you agree with what she’s asking for? Do you want to let her do that?”

Isak didn’t think she was asking for much. She was outlining what she wanted to say on social media, how she wanted to tell the story of their break-up. Emma also wanted to extend her trip in New York, and then return to an empty apartment.

“She’s asking you to move out in two weeks.”

“I could…I could do that.”

“I don’t think you have to though, Isak.”

“I’m breaking up with her.”

“She’s _cheating_ on you.”

Isak dropped his head into his hand, hiding his face from no one. “That’s not really…that’s not an issue.”

“What the hell Isak?”

“I don’t think she knows that we know she’s cheating, or she doesn’t care, so she’s fine with wanting to stay.”

“Did you not confront her about it?”

“I didn’t have to.”

“So she knows.”

“Wait, what?”

“She knows that you know that she’s cheating.”

“I don’t know.”

“Why did you do this on a Sunday? What aren’t we at a bar having this absolutely bonkers conversation?”

“All I said was that we’re breaking up and she accepted it and then she left and sent me the email.”

“Jesus, it’s like breaking up with your mailman, instead of your high school sweetheart.” Kari Anne still didn’t believe just how clinical everything had been thus far, despite the proof Isak offered her. “But whatever. If this is really how it’s going down, I think the only thing you’re really concerned about is finding a new apartment. If you don’t want to fight for this.”

He didn’t. He didn’t want to find a new apartment either, but he at least had the energy for that. And two weeks. They’d managed to find this one pretty quickly, and even though that had been years ago, this time he was also only searching for himself. He had more flexibility. Isak looked around the bedroom, trying to picture a different one, trying to picture himself somewhere else. He couldn’t tell right away what he would take.

Kari Anne interrupted his silent weighing of the apartment situation. “And it’s interesting that she is insistent on keeping you in her social media. Most people would wipe it clean, completely erasing any history.”

In fact, Emma had asked for a set of staged photos and videos, where they could demonstrate that Isak was still in her life, just in a more neutral role. He didn’t mind, since he was used to doing things like that, though he did notice he was slightly relieved that this meant it would end. He had four more obligations to fulfill and then he wouldn’t have to dress up anymore. He wouldn’t have to smile, and wonder if he had enough love on his face for the camera.

Because, clearly, he didn’t. He joked about it instead though. “I think that just means I’m hot enough to keep on her account.”

Kari Anne laughed. “I’m so tempted to track her account somehow. See how she performs when you’re included versus when it’s just her.”

“She’s probably already done that, or her agency has. Probably why I’m being locked in for more content.”

“You may not be her boyfriend anymore, but you’re still her cash cow.”

“Nah.” He didn’t want to discredit her work, especially the work it took to get him dressed properly.

“Okay, well. I guess you can just agree to what you are comfortable with. I’d ask for more time to move out, if you want to do that. I’m kind of bummed that you might move away, but it could be a good thing, for a fresh start.”

Isak hadn’t thought about that, about the fact that he’d be leaving his neighborhood too. He had only focused on leaving the apartment in order to leave Emma. But now he’d be leaving Kari Anne, and his commute, and his grocery store, and the woman who smoked on their street corner, rain or shine. All of a sudden he felt a twinge of pain for the unexpected connections he was about to sever. “Yeah.”

“I mean, I clearly don’t understand your relationship if this is how it’s ending. Like, it’s eerily…civil? Maybe you guys could just be roommates for a while. Unless Beverly—did she mention Beverly at all?”

“No.”

“Maybe you should ask her about it, like if she plans on developing that relationship online in the same way she’s undoing yours. Just so you won’t be surprised. And then you would know how fast she plans on moving on.”

“I think she already has.”

Kari Anne gave a weaker laugh this time, a burst of pity that she couldn’t hold back. “Still, logistically. I don’t want you to not be able to find a place within two weeks and then have her and Beverly show up expecting to live together.”

Isak conceded. “Okay, yeah.” He didn’t want to think about Beverly but Kari Anne was right. And this was why he’d called her in the first place.

He thanked her for being a solid sounding board, as always, and hung up. He went to the living room, where he’d left his laptop, and sat down in front of the email message that had been opened all day. He had a general idea of how he was going to respond, point-by-point, agreeing to some things and countering others. He could handle the social media timeline she wanted to present, but needed more time behind the scenes to divide their lives. The little questions that had been bouncing around in his head before he’d opened his break-up up to Kari Anne came to the surface: what clothes can I keep? What furniture do I take? What furniture do I _want_  
to take? How do we change the lease agreement?

He composed a perfectly polite email in response, scripting the same civility that she’d sent him. He asked for four weeks to find a new apartment, which he argued made sense if they were going to create content for another two weeks after she asked him to leave, and offered that she keep their Netflix account, which Isak had been paying for on his own for years. He asked about the clothes and the things she’d received through sponsorship deals that he’d been benefiting from, in case he was obligated to any of her work agreements. He hadn’t paid much attention to them before, when he was benefiting from them, but now he wondered if there was anything he owed anyone due to his passive involvement.

This opened a whole can of worms that glued him to the couch for the rest of the night, trying to figure out if any of Emma’s work was a conflict of interest. His particular beat at the newspaper rarely crossed paths with her modeling world, but he’d never bothered to think about her social media, and what she was doing as just an influencer. It was a shameful oversight on his part, and the fact that it had taken years to realize made it worse. He didn’t get around to finishing the email until late that Sunday night, sending it off with more questions than he’d started with.

And in a fit of frustration and bitterness, he’d added a postscript that he would spend the rest of the night regretting. _And one more thing: are you with Beverly?_

* * *

It rarely happened, but when it did it always sent a small thrill through Isak: Kari Anne hopped on the same bus that he was taking to work, and made her way down the aisle to stand next to his seat. She was a sight for sore, tired eyes, but she also brought a tinge of sadness as he realized he would have to move away from this coincidence in a few weeks’ time. She patted his head to say good morning. “You look like you didn’t sleep at all.”

“That is correct. I replied to Emma last night.”

“Um, bcc that shit, please.” She pulled out her phone to check that he hadn’t actually done that already.

“Too risky.”

“Then forward it.”

Isak rolled his eyes but did as he was told, with a couple key deletions. She didn’t want to wait for the read-through though.

“Gist?”

“Everything was fine. Asked for four weeks. Sent it late last night so I probably won’t have a response until much later.” He did not tell her about the self-indulgent final question, even though she had been the one to suggest it. He didn’t want to blame her for whatever shit that stirred up.

Kari Anne pursed her lips and nodded. “Granted, I don’t really know what your relationship was like but this still feels so weird. Like I’m waiting for something else to happen, or I’m missing something that’s going to bite us in the ass soon.”

“Us?”

She rolled her eyes. “Sorry. You. Aren’t you suspicious at all? By how chill this is?”

Isak shrugged. “I’m not exactly wishing there was more drama or pain.”

“Yeah, but…there _should_ be.”

“I _did_ get kicked out of a bar. And all of this happened because our male coworker started chatting up my girlfriend.”

“Fine, but there should be more drama on her end, at least. Everything is just so fucking tidy for her, staying in the apartment, continuing using you for her career, sliding a new partner into your empty slot.”

Isak made a face at Kari Anne’s description, accurate as it may be. But it didn’t upset him like it was upsetting her. He didn’t care how easy it was going to be for Emma because he didn’t care at all in general. And he was getting tired of being reminded of this.

Luckily, Kari Anne dropped it. She checked her phone and read through the email in silence. Their bodies rocked and knocked against each other as the bus took the turns on its route. She kept her face buried in her phone until Isak stood up, signaling that they were approaching their stop. He followed her off of the bus.

“I’m sorry I’m being so nosy. I think I’m just so curious because I have all of this information, like, more than what I would usually get from you or Emma’s posts.”

“It’s fine.” He didn’t mind, truly. They flashed their ID cards to get into the office, and waited for the elevator up. “I value your opinion on this kind of stuff, so it’s better for you to have the details. I want you to ask the questions that I don’t think of.”

Once they were in the elevator, Kari Anne asked the question that she’d been chewing her lip over. “Was it always like this?”

“What?”

“Your relationship.”

“Like what?”

“Chill.” It wasn’t the word she wanted to use but it’s the one she’d been using so she stuck with it, chewing on her lip again.

“I guess. We always fit pretty well together, not much drama. And…I guess our lives also worked well as separate things. As we grew up.” He thought about what they were like when they were younger as they entered the bullpen. Isak kept talking and Kari Anne kept walking with him, not veering off to her own cubicle just yet. “High school was pretty intense. But that was more high school than us. When I was at university and she was just starting out it was a little rough, too, but I think we figured out who we were and who we wanted to be and decided to focus on that instead. Like a team.”

Kari Anne was nodding, adding this interpretation to her collection of knowledge about the relationship. He didn’t know if it changed her picture, or if they still looked like a guy and his mailman to her, but he didn’t know what picture he wanted to give her anyway. He pulled his messenger bag over his head as he stepped into his cubicle.

Kari Anne snorted, which made him turn around. “What?”

“Nice typewriter.” She gestured at the cherry red manual typewriter that was sitting in front of his phone, where Isak’s pad of paper usually sat.

As soon as he processed what he was seeing, he cursed. “Fuck him.” A piece of paper was already fed into the carriage, an innocent little _Hi_ typed into the center of the page. It was infuriating.

“What?!”

“He’s a fucking asshole.” Isak’s bag fell to the ground and he scooped up the typewriter with surprising speed. He was shocked by how much it weighed, but that didn’t slow him down as he shouldered past Kari Anne and went right for Even’s office. His eyes locked on Even’s face, which was staring at his computer screen, completely calm and unaware. Kari Anne was calling after him but it was too late.

“What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?” Isak yelled as he stormed into Even’s office. Initially he’d wanted to chuck the typewriter at Even’s head, but he had too much momentum in his feet and not enough in his arms. He kept walking past Even, making him spin around in his wake, and went to his bookshelf instead. The shelves were still empty, and he chucked the typewriter onto its clean top surface with a bang. It dinged in offense.

“Good morning, Isak.”

“Why are you just _constantly_ up in my shit?”

Even glanced at the typewriter, then at the fuming form standing next to it. “I thought it would be funny. Or useful, at least, if I misread your tweet.”

“You definitely misread it because it was not directed to you at all.” Isak turned back to the typewriter. “And if I recall correctly, you were supposed to…fuck. Off.” He typed out the command as he said it, hunting and pecking his anger into the keys.

“Isak!” Kari Anne chastised from the doorway.

He’d gotten a hit of satisfaction seeing those words pressed into the white paper in heavy ink, but that satisfaction disappeared when he turned back around and saw Even smiling.

“See? Useful.”

Isak couldn’t help but lunge toward Even, his arms now freed up for some kind of punch or tackle. But Kari Anne intervened this time, and Even was able to push away in his chair. “Isak! We are _not_ doing this again.”

He snapped out of his rage faster than when he’d been drunk, and he immediately looked to the hallway to see if he’d attracted any attention with his outburst. He also took a step back to signal to Kari Anne that he was calming down. But it wasn’t enough; she banished him.

“Go to a phone room and calm the fuck down. I need to talk to Even.”

“Tell him to stay the fuck away from me for the rest of his life.”

“You are both clocking in at about five years old with this dumb fight so for your own sake, shut up and leave.”

Isak got one good look at Even before he left, and Even was appropriately embarrassed by Kari Anne’s judgment, staring down at his lap. Isak counted it as a win, finally rid of Even’s ever-present smirk. Kari Anne closed the door to Even’s office behind him, completely shutting out their conversation. Isak went back to his desk.

* * *

**Maja:** I heard screaming.

**Isak:** I was not screaming.

**Maja:** Excuse me, yelling.

**Kari Anne:** it’s over

**Maja:** WHAT is over?

**Kari Anne:** a misunderstanding between isak and even

**Isak:** lol

**Maja:** Don’t make me come over there and ask you to your face.

**Isak:** Just ask Even the next time you try flirting with him.

**Maja:** Isaaaaaaak.

**Maja:** Also I’m not doing that anymore.

**Maja:** He rejected me.

**Kari Anne:** oh no!

**Maja: **He was very nice about it, just said he wasn’t interested.

**Isak:** Great, then can we all agree to stop talking to him?

**Kari Anne:** isak wtf

**Kari Anne:** maja, do you want to go drink tonight? we can strategize a new target

**Maja:** I don’t want to stay out. Can I come over?

**Kari Anne:** sure. isak, please pick up more juice

**Isak:** what?

* * *

Isak and Maja went over to Kari Anne’s after work, as planned. Isak bought some juice in the cafeteria before they left, which was only a single serving, but fulfilled his requirement for what was shaping up to be a girls’ night. He wasn’t really sure why he was invited, aside from being in the chat when the plans were made, but he went with it anyway, because he suspected they were going to talk about Even and he didn’t want them doing that without him there. Kari Anne might share details about their private conversation, but more importantly Isak didn’t want any stories being told that didn’t have his side included. There was a good reason why Isak was yelling and they should know it.

Kari Anne laughed when she opened her door. “Oh my god Maja it looks like you found a lost dog on the street and brought it home.”

Isak’s scowl deepened. Maja turned to look up at the surly man who had followed her off the bus. “I would _not_ bring something this angry home with me.”

“Lucky for you I’ll take a chance on him. Come on in.”

“Why am I here?” Isak finally asked while they removed their shoes in the hallway.

“We’re going to drink and swipe men on Maja’s phone. You’re going to drink and look at apartment listings and give us a dude’s opinion when we ask for it.”

“I’m not going to rate other men for you.”

“The sooner you find an apartment the sooner you can leave.” Kari Anne plucked the small bottle of juice from Isak’s hand and hopped into her kitchen.

Maja turned around again. “You’re moving?”

“Part of the break up. I have four weeks to find somewhere else.”

“Oh, Isak, I didn’t realize. I’m sorry! Kari Anne said it was a really chill split.”

“It was.”

“Having to find a new apartment is not exactly chill though.”

He shrugged. “I have time.” Bolstered by Maja’s sympathy, he tried to crack a joke about it. “Bet I can find an apartment before you can find a boyfriend.”

“Do _not_ take that bet!” Kari Anne called from the kitchen. They followed her voice into the apartment.

Kari Anne was mixing up the same cocktails that Isak had enjoyed on Saturday. She thumbed over her shoulder at the couch, to get them to sit. “Seriously. Get swiping.” Isak and Maja pulled out their phones, doing as they were told.

Two hours later, all of them were focused on apartment hunting. They’d given up on Tinder and Instagram pretty early on, and cocktails too. Isak sat between them on the couch and scrolled and clicked where they directed him on Kari Anne’s laptop. They had about thirty tabs open with a mix of dream apartments, possible contenders, and safe yet disappointing options. Sometimes they would get sidetracked just talking about neighborhoods, the things he and Kari Anne enjoyed while they were here, and the perks of Maja’s area, where she’d been living since graduating as well. By the time Kari Anne was ready to order a pizza, Isak felt like he’d made some progress. There wasn’t any forward action yet, but he at least had a better idea of the direction he wanted to go in.

On their second slice, Kari Anne directed their conversation back to Maja. They’d put the laptop to the side for the sake of the pizza, so it seemed like they were done with apartments for a while. She tapped Maja’s knee. “So, you said Even rejected you?”

Maja put her slice down. “Sort of. I didn’t like, throw myself at him. But the first thing this morning, he asked if we could talk in private so we went outside and he was like, ‘I’m getting this impression from you and wanted to figure out if it was true and how we could move forward.’”

Isak scrunched up his nose, but stopped chewing so he could better hear Maja’s report on Even.

“So yeah, he was correct in how flirty I was being and I basically said I’d be interested in pursuing something romantically, but he just said we should be friends, good friends and good coworkers instead.”

“Did he say why?”

Maja shrugged. “He just thought it would be the best. Relationships with coworkers are a challenge.”

Isak snorted. “Does he know about Marius and Ida?”

“I haven’t told him, but I bet he could figure it out on his own. He’s very insightful.”

“Maybe _you_ should ask him out, K.”

But Kari Anne scrunched her nose this time. “Not my type.”

“Oh, right.”

“Wait, what’s your type?”

Kari Anne and Maja exchanged looks, silently debating whether or not they should answer Isak’s question. With every passing second Isak felt worse and worse about not knowing this information, not knowing who Kari Anne might be interested in. She’d never been in, or rather, never shared, a relationship the whole time he’d known her. And now he was desperate to know why.

Finally, she spoke. “Um…it’s not Even.”

“Yeah, I got that. But like…who would you be interested in dating?”

Another exchange of looks.

“Come on, guys.”

Maja jumped in. “It’s not you, Isak.”

“What?! I didn’t—that’s not—“

“I don’t think it’s wise to rebound with a coworker.”

“_What_?! No! Maja, oh my god. I’m not trying to hit on Kari Anne right now, I was just curious. I’ve never known. Just like I didn’t know you were into Marius.”

“Whatever, whatever.” Kari Anne frantically brushed at the air, trying to clear the topic away. “I’m not interested in anyone I work with, and Maja _is_, so let’s just get that established and move on.”

“Wait. Wait. Is that it?” Maja let out a small gasp, finally distracted from Isak’s question. “Am I just attracted to men I work with?”

“Uh….”

“Because Marius and Even really aren’t anything alike. But they both work with me. Is _that_ what I’m interested in?”

Kari Anne gasped too. “And there was that photographer who would come in and work in that cube by you.”

“Oh noooooo.”

Again the girls were sharing a silent conversation over this new realization, leaving Isak feeling left out. But at the same time, he was glad to have been so clueless about the romance side of his workplace, because it sounded like a lot of complicated emotions and drama to deal with, on top of your actual job. Aside from Marius, who had the time to deal with those additional politics? If he was going to entertain the idea of a rebound, he would not be doing it anywhere near the office. He took another bite of his pizza, at least sure of that one thing.

Kari Anne tried to coax Maja down from her wacky theory. “I think it’s just smart guys. Marius is smart. Even is smart. They’re good at what they do, and that’s kind of hot.”

Isak didn’t know why he said it, but he did. “I’m good at what I do.”

Both Maja and Kari Anne threw pillows at him.


	9. Bathroom

They stayed pretty late at Kari Anne’s on Monday, so Isak was a little tired on Tuesday. He was also distracted by the apartment listings he’d had Kari Anne send from her computer, and he didn’t get much work done. But he was in a good mood and didn’t mind being lazy. Even was in his office, alone, every time Isak glanced over, minding his own business for once. By the time everyone was heading home, Isak was able to leave with the rush hour, not taking any of his work with him, nor feeling the stress that would send him to a bar instead of his apartment. Besides, he was looking forward to some alone time.

Isak hadn’t realized it until that morning when he was in the shower, but masturbating when you were single versus masturbating when your girlfriend was away was very different. He had to think about it for a bit, why he had a bigger orgasm for an act that he’d done in the same fashion for the past few years, but he finally figured out that he didn’t feel guilty about it. He could jerk off however he’d like, without the imminent return of Emma, or anyone else, to make him feel like he shouldn’t be doing it, no matter how blank his fantasies were. He never thought he was cheating by enjoying his solo sessions more than sex with Emma, but now the absence of guilt was telling. It didn’t matter though. He didn’t have a girlfriend to cheat on anymore. Just a dick to stroke.

He didn’t think a hand on his dick would be such an issue, either, but it really made him think about his relationship and how it had changed over the years. It was freeing, to get a better understanding of his break-up, and eventually let him focus on a more positive perspective. Back at home, he embraced his single status and jerked off unrepentantly.

So, Tuesday was pretty chill.

Wednesday was not.

It started with Marius showing up in his cubicle about an hour into Isak’s workday. Isak didn’t notice until Marius twisted and whipped something at the back of his head with an audible crack. “What the _fuck_?” It stung so much that Isak thought he’d broken skin, so he pressed his fingertips into his hair to see if there would be blood. Then he turned around to slap Marius.

“Which jersey do you want to wear tonight?”

The whip had been a football jersey, one of three options Marius was presenting to Isak. “Tonight?”

“Yeah dude, we’re going to the game tonight and I’m not going to have you showing up looking like a banker.”

Isak looked down at his own shirt, a plain white button-up that had creased slightly on the bus ride to work. “Game?”

“What the fuck, man?” Marius let his head fall back in exasperation, drawing out his frustration with Isak’s ignorance in a low groan. “The game tonight at Vålerenga. Maja got everyone tickets, not like it’s a big thing. But we’ve been talking about it for the past few days in the chat. We’re all going together after work.”

“We have _not_ been talking about this at all.” Isak swiveled back around to get his cell phone from next to his keyboard. The group chat had been very quiet the past few days.

“Uh, yeah we have. It’s why I’m actually prepared for once and have provided you with outfit options so you don’t embarrass us.”

Isak managed to roll his eyes while also pulling up their group chat. The latest message was from Maja on Sunday, innocently wishing all of them a good work week ahead. He held it up to Marius as proof.

“Hmm. Maybe your messages are broken.”

“If they are then I’m massively fucked, because I’ve been waiting on like, three sourc—“

“Oh wait, no, I know. I’m confusing my groups. Sorry. I don’t think we didn’t notice you weren’t in the chat because you usually don’t say anything anyway. But _whatever_. We’re meeting in the lobby at six. You can…wear blue.” Marius tossed a jersey in Isak’s face and left, leaving Isak draped in color and very confused about why there was a group chat that he wasn’t in. As soon as he pulled the jersey down to his lap, Isak texted Kari Anne: _Missed the whole football game plan for today. Add me to whatever chat you were in for it._

She replied immediately: _no. see you at five._

* * *

Isak stood in the lobby and pulled the jersey over his head. When he popped out of the collar, Marius and Maja were standing in front of him. Maja immediately reached up to fix his hair.

“I looked it up, and this jersey isn’t for either of the teams playing.”

“I know. I don’t have every fucking team in my closet. But at least you’ll look like you fit in from a distance.”

Isak was annoyed. It wasn’t like he was a complete idiot when it came to sports. He actually knew a lot, thanks to Marius, but he never got any credit for it. And now he was being dressed up like a doll. “Emma used to do this,” he muttered.

Marius’s eyes snapped to attention. “What?”

“Pick out clothes for me so I would look like I am a functioning adult.”

Isak could see the jab coming, Marius’s automatic desire to doubt that Isak _was_ a functioning adult, but then he saw Marius swallow it as a wave of concern rose up. Isak instantly regretted saying anything, because now he’d get an unwelcome dose of pity. He waved away whatever Marius was about to say. “Shut up. Forget it.”

“You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to.”

“Whatever.”

Kari Anne walked up to their group and Isak jumped on the chance to escape. He gave her a quick nod then turned on his heel to lead the way to the metro station.

It was kind of strange going out with his friends in the middle of the week, but nice. They weren’t feeling as rowdy as they get toward the end of the week, ready to blow off steam. They also didn’t have to do a lot of catching up, since Isak had had his evening with the girls, and Marius had nothing to talk about except football. The metro didn’t lend itself to discussions of Ida or office gossip anyway. They made it to the arena just in time for the match to start.

“Aren’t we going in?” Isak’s friends had slowed to a stop outside of the gates. Isak would’ve kept walking if he didn’t need Maja to bring out their tickets.

“We have to wait for Even.”

“Even?”

“Even.” Even announced his arrival, catching Isak’s confusion before he had a chance to notice Even walking up to their group. Isak’s whole body tensed, then whipped around toward the voice.

“Can we _please_ just be adults this evening?” Kari Anne stomped into the middle of their loose huddle, giving everyone a preemptive stink eye in turn.

“Why are you looking at me like that? I have _nothing_ to do with whatever beef this is.” Marius raised his arms, also stomping through their circle, and doing what Isak had been trying to do earlier: he walked to the entrance, hoping everyone would follow.

And they did. Maja followed him with her phone, held out in front of her. Kari Anne gestured for Isak to follow Maja, acting as a buffer between him and Even. Isak didn’t want to turn his back on Even, but he supposed he was somewhat safe if Kari Anne was there. He felt Even’s eyes on him, and walked away from them at a purposeful pace.

* * *

A buffer was maintained for most of the match. Kari Anne stuck to Even’s side, standing next to him, doing beer and food runs with him, and neutralizing whatever conversations he was part of with the group. Isak had Marius on one side, and a rather empty section on his other. He almost forgot Even was there for most of the game. He would only catch a glimpse of him when something exciting happened because Even loved shoving his arms into the air whenever the ball reached Skeid’s penalty box.

After Ranheim scored their third goal, Isak thought it was safe to go to the bathroom without missing anything. He shuffled down their row and headed back up the concrete steps, trying to remember where the bathrooms were. He let himself wander a bit outside, not in a huge rush to get back to the game. Some other fans had the same idea, making their way back to the metro early since Skeid wasn’t going to recover and they had work the next day. When he finally noticed a bathroom and went in, it was empty.

While he stood at the urinal, dick in his hand, he thought about Even. He thought about how, aside from the initial tension at his arrival, the evening had gone well. Maybe whatever Kari Anne said to him on Monday finally clicked, and Even was going to leave him alone. He was clearly becoming part of their group but it didn’t annoy Isak quite as much as it had at the start. He could just keep his distance and be polite. Isak acknowledged at least that, how he needed to be polite as long as Even wasn’t in his face. He could be an adult.

Of course, that all went out the window as soon as he zipped up and turned away from the wall, because there was Even. In his face. Well, he was standing at the sink, but when you’re alone in the bathroom and then there’s one other person, that feels just as aggressive. Isak’s mouth popped open, but it took him a moment to actually think, and then say, anything. “You really are stalking me.” Because Isak was still stunned by Even’s presence, his statement didn’t have as much venom as he usually spit out.

Even matched with a calm tone. “I just wanted to talk to you, in private.”

“What else could you possibly have to say to me that you think I would be willing to listen to?” Isak rolled his eyes as he walked up to Even, then pushed past him to get to the sink.

Even stepped back, just enough to give Isak space to move. He watched Isak in the mirror and waited, so he didn’t have to speak over the noise of the water. Every time Isak met his gaze in the reflection, he felt his skin flush. He stepped to the left and reached for a paper towel, taking an unnecessary amount of time drying his hands.

Finally, Even spoke. “I wanted to apologize. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I handled everything with Emma, and then with you. It was inappropriate, invasive, and I let my emotions get in the way.”

Isak watched Even in the mirror. Even’s eyes were cast down, unable to make contact now that he was apologizing. Isak could tell that he was being sincere, and the honesty in Even’s voice echoed off of the grey walls.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you, or Emma. And I’ll try not to cross your boundaries in the future.”

Even was being sincere, but it also sounded formal, just like Emma’s emails. Isak took the opportunity to snap at Even, instead of accept the apology. Fuck being an adult. “Did Kari Anne tell you to say this? Have you been rehearsing your little speech for the past two days?” Isak chucked his balled-up paper towel in the bin with the same amount of force that he spit his rejection at Even.

Even remained calm though. “No. She did help me understand that what I did was wrong, but she’s left me alone to think about my actions. I do regret how I approached you and your relationship, because I clearly caused a lot of pain and anger.”

“You sound like a fucking robot.” Isak tried to leave. He tried to walk around Even, to refuse to accept the apology, not ready to forgive or forget, or even give the appearance of _listening_ to Even. But Even caught his elbow in a firm grip.

“Isak.” It was almost a whine. Even’s voice was deep and steady, but it wasn’t the exasperated sigh that he’d heard before. Maybe he was begging. Isak didn’t fight the hand at his elbow, even though he probably could have freed himself with a single jerk of his shoulder. “Please.”

“Please, _what_, Even?” Isak turned around to face him. “I’m not exactly interested in hearing, again, how you destroyed my relationship, jeopardized our careers, and effectively kicked me out of my apartment, just because you also want to tell me how bad you feel about it.”

Even didn’t have a response to that, aside from a strange look passing over his face. Isak searched his guilt for something more, checking to see if there actually was a response that would stop him from advancing his attack. Because he was winding up now.

“Like, what the fuck was the point of all of that? Why did you feel the need to ruin someone’s life, someone you _work_ with? How did you think this was going to unravel for you? I mean, if you were looking to piss off a journalist, then congratulations. I’m not sure if your plan to get into Emma’s pants is going to be successful though, because she’s neck deep in pussy in New York fucking City right now.”

Another look passed over Even’s face, accompanied by a small jerk backwards. His hand was still on Isak’s arm though, his grip getting tighter even as he was reeling away from Isak’s voice.

“Just because someone posts things on the internet doesn’t mean you’re entitled to their lives. We’re not some sort of playground for you to fuck around with through a screen. Get a life and stop fucking up mine.”

A couple of moments passed, where they were silent, searching each other’s faces for the next cue to jump.

“You...you really don’t pay attention, do you?” Even’s voice was soft, still, but Isak could tell it wasn’t without offense. And hearing Even say “pay attention” triggered a memory: this was not the first time Even has said that to him. A few flashes from the night at the bar when they’d fought, when they were right up in each other’s faces, distracted Isak.

“Wait, what?”

“I was doing it for you, Isak. Yes, it was handled poorly, but that was because we were supposed to be friends and you weren’t supposed to be an asshole.”

“_I'm_ the ass—“

Even let go of Isak’s arm, but only to hold a hand up to his face to shut him up. His jaw flexed when he pursed his lips together, and if Isak could describe the look on his face, it was of a card player about to reveal his losing hand. His voice was terse but resigned. “I’ve been following you, and Emma, for a while. I’ve been reading your articles. I was excited to get to work with you, but before your head gets any bigger, I did not come to the newspaper just because of you. I was _interested_ though. In you. And because you’re a fucking luddite on social media, I had to watch you through Emma.

“And I saw two things: I saw a woman growing a personal relationship with another woman and a man barely hanging on in the background. I didn’t really care about what the woman was doing, but it hurt seeing what it was doing to you.

“Now, I’m the first person to know that what’s on the internet is never the whole story, but it took very little to actually _get_ the whole story. I started learning who you were at work and who you were with your friends, and then who you were to your girlfriend, and it was shocking to see how different it is. I wanted to learn who you were, really, because it seemed like you were _more_ than all of that.”

Isak was shocked by the confession, embarrassed by it, to the point where he didn’t know what to say. So he just repeated Even’s words. “More.”

Even let out a deep sigh. “Yes, more. Who the fuck knows what it is though, because you’re some basket case closed off to everyone. And _unfortunately_ that just makes me even more curious.” Even ran a hand through his hair. Isak felt that same flush from the first day he’d seen Even in the bullpen creep across his skin. It had happened often enough now that he could connect them. He watched Even’s hand, and the way his hair held the new wave for a moment before cascading back down. “But look. I’m going to stop now. You’ve said it multiple times, so I’ll leave you alone.” Isak finally returned his eyes to Even’s, which was what Even seemed to need before saying his final piece.

“I’m sorry. I’ll stop.”

He didn’t say those words very loudly, but they echoed through the bathroom, and rang in Isak’s ears. Because Isak was so focused on processing them, finally, he didn’t realize that Even left. He’d stepped close to Isak, then around him, and then he was gone.

Isak had gotten what he wanted: Even was sorry, and Even was gone.

* * *

Isak left the stadium without returning to the game. He got back onto the metro, heading home without thinking about what he was doing, because the only thing in his head was Even’s words. He replayed them over and over again so he wouldn’t lose them this time. And then he wondered what he’d missed before, when he wasn’t paying attention.

Isak made it all the way back to his couch before snapping out of his trance. He sent a message to the group chat: _Wasn’t feeling well so I went home._

Kari Anne replied: _it’s okay, even explained._

And just like that Isak was right back in a tailspin. He tossed his phone onto the couch. “_What_ did Even explain?” he shouted at his silent TV. He was tempted to grab his phone and tweet his confusion but remembered what happened the last time he did something like that. “Fuck!”

Isak leaned forward and cradled his head in his hands. He shut his eyes, even though the living room was already, still, dark. He replayed the conversation from the bathroom again, hearing Even’s declarations echo through the black. I was _interested_. More. Curious. I’m sorry. I’ll stop. And then Isak let him see it. He replayed it again but he watched Even’s face and how close it was, how much it moved. His brow had furrowed and jaw had tightened. His lips were red and wet. Isak felt Even’s grip on his arm again.

He leaned back, sinking into the couch, sinking into the memory.

About twenty minutes later, after his hands had slipped from his face, Isak stopped replaying every possible encounter he had had with Even. He stopped twisting and turning everything, trying to see what he’d missed, what had led them to the bathroom confession. He’d let his imagination run wild, his theories becoming almost nonsensical, and he knew he had to stop because Even said he would stop. What did it matter if Isak thought he had a stalker, a real, legitimate stalker and not some lame attempt at an insult, when his stalker said he would stop? What did it matter if Even, when he said he was _interested_, meant he was attracted to him…god, what did it matter if he wasn’t anymore? So Isak stopped.

He was still frustrated, but he’d figured out what was actually frustrating: because Even had said stop but all Isak wanted to do was respond. He didn’t want Even getting away with the last word, the final say on whatever the hell had been happening between them. Even didn’t get to say _stop_ because Isak wasn’t _done_. 

He picked up his phone again. He opened a voice memo and recorded some questions. He wasn’t drunk, just tired and angry, so he was going to ask his questions and hope that would help his brain shut up for the evening. He didn’t know what he was going to do with the questions, if he could edit them down and rehearse them and corner Even for a chance to grip _his_ arm and demand answers. But that would have to be a fantasy for tomorrow. Or another day. Maybe after a week of the silent treatment, when Even would be caught off guard. He asked his questions and recorded a couple of theories, hoping for outcomes that would put Even in his place. This was Isak’s life, after all, and he was not going to be played like a pawn. He would handle his own relationship, his own job, his own apartment, and Even would have zero influence over it.

Isak went to brush his teeth. He scraped beer and sausages off of his tongue. He stared at his reflection and almost felt a sense of pride. He’d worked through his shock and frustration, mapped out a plan for revenge. It was a significant improvement over tweeting his complaints, airing his dirty laundry. Instead he’d carefully, methodically bottled it up inside and primed himself for release. He was going to run Even out of his life with the speed and skill that he used to chase a story. Breaking news: Fuck Even.

* * *

Isak hadn’t asked Kari Anne for clarification or any update after the game. That would be foolish. She came to his cubicle on Friday to ask him to go grab lunch with her, and he was conveniently at a stopping point in his research, so he did. As soon as they passed Even’s office on their way to the cafeteria, she asked about Emma. “Did she ever respond to your email?”

Even wasn’t in his office, so Isak shifted his focus back on his friend. “Hmm? Oh, yeah. Um, nothing crazy though. What did I send you already?”

“Just your first response. Is she giving you four weeks? Or I guess, just three at this point.”

“Yeah. I have until mid-July. It’s kind of awkward because I feel like I’ll either get something by July first or nothing until August first. But I could probably do an Airbnb or something if I absolutely need to.”

“Have you reached out to any of the listings we found?” Kari Anne pressed the button to call the elevator.

“Yeah….”

He’d sent some emails, but at the moment he couldn’t even recall which ones he’d been interested in enough to pursue seriously. He’d been distracted. Any waking moment had been spent thinking about work or what Even had said to him in the bathroom. And if he were to be honest, some sleeping moments had been spent that way too. He didn’t like it.

An empty elevator arrived. “Isak, you need to take this seriously. Emma comes back next Monday and then poof, you’ll be homeless. Possibly even sooner, if you can’t stand living with your ex for two more weeks.”

“I know, I know. I’ll get on it.”

“I mean…you’re obviously not going to be homeless because if you literally don’t find a place, you can stay on my couch, or with Marius, but you can’t use that as an excuse to delay this. I certainly wouldn’t be able to accommodate all of your shit.”

“I don’t have a lot of shit. But thank you for the couch offer. I hope I won’t have to take you up on it.”

“See? Do us both a favor and find an apartment. Or I’ll have to find one for you.”

Isak paused walking off the elevator and looked down at Kari Anne. “You’re so nice. Helping Maja with her boy, helping me with my apartment.” She responded with a look, silent sarcasm just shy of an eye roll. “No, I mean it. Thank you.”

Kari Anne grabbed his arm to pull him out of the flow of elevator traffic. “You’re welcome. It’s always easier to solve other people’s problems than your own.”

“You have problems?”

“Who doesn’t?”

Kari Anne had intended on brushing Isak off, walking ahead of him into the cafeteria and focusing on the food options. But Isak paused again, hearing Even’s voice in his head, telling him to pay attention. Was this one of those times when he should—? “Um,” he started, before thinking any further. “Do you want to talk about them?”

This made her turn around to look at him, but once she saw that he was being sincere, she laughed. Isak blushed slightly, knowing it wasn’t the most elegant timing or phrasing. He’d gone too deep too fast. “No, I want to get a sandwich.” She laughed again and walked away.

Isak hopped after her, still trying. “We, we could though. If you want to talk about shit, I’ll listen.” He followed her to the deli counter. They placed their orders.

While they waited for the sandwiches to be built and wrapped and sliced, Kari Anne finally answered. “Fine. How about…you find an apartment, move in, and invite me over for a girls’ night. Then we can talk. I’ll bring some orange juice.”

Isak realized this was the best response he was going to get. So he agreed. “Okay…mom.”

“Excuse me?”

“You totally just mom’d me. Between you and Even I feel like I’m just constantly being…parented.”

“Well we’ve established your childish behavior so….” Of course she wouldn’t let Isak’s insult fly.

Isak rolled his eyes and grabbed his sandwich. He wasn’t going to win today, so he truly gave up. They went to select drinks, and Isak paid for both of their meals at the register.

“Wanna go to a phone room and look at apartments on my iPad?”

Isak didn’t have anything better to do at his cubicle so he agreed. They hung out in semi-privacy for an extended lunch break, and Kari Anne made more progress on his apartment hunt than he had on his own all week.

* * *

Marius and Maja got to their booth first, and were nestled into the center with their drinks by the time Isak and Kari Anne arrived. “My my we’re looking cozy here.” Kari Anne scooted in on Maja’s left, and Isak followed. Marius bounced out toward the aisle to make room.

Maja explained: “We were just looking at pictures that Ida had sent Marius. Unless you meant the two hours _you_ spent in the phone room with Isak?”

Kari Anne laughed so loud and sharply that multiple heads in the crowded bar turned. “We were looking at apartments.”

“Moving in together?” Marius wiggled his eyebrows.

“That’s actually exactly what I’m trying to avoid. But Isak is ignoring the fact that Emma is going to kick him out soon, and that finding an apartment takes time. So I’m doing the work for him.”

“It’s true. I ate lunch while she emailed people.” Credit where credit was due. Isak bumped her shoulder. “What do you want to drink?”

“Just get my usual from Thomas. Please.”

Isak slid back out of the booth and wound his way to the bar. Thomas gave him a weird look when he got close enough to order. “What?”

“I thought you were banned.”

“Am I?” It was Friday. Isak was in a good mood. He tried to tease one out of Thomas as well by playing innocent.

“I’m not serving you if you’re going to be an asshole.”

“Aww, man. I’m not an asshole. That was a fluke, and completely Even’s fault. But Even’s not here. I’m cool.” Charm city. Isak would’ve winked if it wouldn’t look suspicious.

Thomas still gave him a long look, one that he really couldn’t afford to give with a bar so busy. Isak almost caved, not wanting to upset their favorite bartender. “In the very least, I need Kari Anne’s usual, and you know you can trust her.”

When Thomas returned with two drinks, beers for both of them, he presented them to Isak with an ultimatum. “You get one more chance and this is it. I will throw you out myself if you so much a raise your voice.”

Isak agreed to the terms with vigorous nodding. “And I’m buying for Kari Anne tonight.”

“You would be even if you hadn’t said anything.”

He knew he was still on Thomas’s good side then, and scooped up his drinks with a smile. Isak wound his way back to the table, feeling like he’d successfully moved past last week’s embarrassing little fight. All he had to do was not yell at anyone tonight, which seemed very possible considering how relaxed everyone was in the booth. With just the four of them, and no football game to get them riled up, the evening was going smoothly.

Maja had Marius’s phone and was showing it to Kari Anne. “I can’t believe you are giving them access to your phone while you are deep in a secret affair.” Isak tapped his glass against Marius’s while the girls were occupied. Marius just shrugged.

“You guys know everything anyway. The really dirty stuff I keep on my work computer.”

“I’d expect nothing less from you. But uh…why do they need to see what she’s wearing?”

“Ida needs a dress for a wedding and she wants my opinion.”

“And what’s your opinion?”

Isak and Marius sat there for another twenty minutes while Maja and Kari Anne walked them through how each of their possible responses were the incorrect ones. They crafted one for him, watching him type it out, and waiting for Ida’s response. When she sent back a very approving message, they all celebrated with another round. Marius put them on his tab since he was very thankful he’d be getting laid tonight. Isak went to the bar to help him carry.

Thomas gave him another weird look when they were served, but didn’t say anything.

“I don’t know if I should be insulted that Thomas is so suspicious. We’ve been coming here for years and I’ve been a fucking saint this whole time.” Isak had to lean over Marius’s shoulder as they walked back. Marius waited until they were seated again to respond.

“Yeah, but then you totally snapped once Even showed up. Of course he’d be worried it would happen again.”

“But then clearly the problem is Even, not me. Even’s not here. So _I'm_ fine.” Now Marius gave him a weird look. It was starting to make _Isak_ suspicious. “What?”

“Even is right over there, dude.”

As soon as Marius lifted a finger to point over Isak’s left shoulder, Isak whipped around. And there he was. Even was standing at a tall table with two other people, and he was looking at Isak.

This shouldn’t have been a surprise at this point, Even always being nearby, Even always keeping an eye on Isak, but Isak was still stunned. He ended up holding Even’s gaze for longer than he wanted to, but he couldn’t look away if he tried.

“Yeah, I wanted to invite him to join us but Kari Anne said it wasn’t a good idea.”

Kari Anne and Marius were having some sort of conversation now. Maybe it was about Even. Maybe it was about Isak. Or maybe they’d gone back to Ida. But it didn’t matter, because Isak wasn’t listening. He was still staring at Even.

He was watching Even take a sip of his beer. He was watching Even finally break their eye contact to say something to the other two people. He was watching Even turn away from the table and head to the bathroom.

And then Isak was on his feet. He followed.


	10. Twice

Even had gone into one of the two stalls. Isak bent over to check for feet in the other stall, and once he confirmed Even was the only other person in the bathroom, he stood in front of the door, blocking anyone else from entering. He tried not to watch what Even was doing in the stall but it was a challenge, since his whole purpose in that bathroom was to stare Even down.

While Even peed Isak tried to focus, tried to concentrate on the questions he’d lined up on Wednesday night in preparation for the interrogation. He was tempted to pull out his phone and listen to the voice memos, pretending he was taking a call, but he was having trouble concentrating. He could look at himself in the mirror across from him but all he saw in his mind was some sort of x-ray vision into the stall, Even standing over the toilet. Closing his eyes didn’t help, and he didn’t want to be caught with his eyes closed in the men’s room anyway.

Even froze when he stepped out of the stall and saw Isak waiting there. It was a brief pause and he recovered quickly. “For the record, you’re the one who followed me into the bathroom this time.” He didn’t wait for a rebuttal from Isak, though one didn’t come anyway. All Isak could do was watch him as he moved to the sink and washed his hands.

The sink was so loud. It drowned out any noise from the bar. Isak still couldn’t think of what he wanted to say, and he was still staring at Even’s back. It was just Even and water and Even and water.

When he was done, Even turned around and flicked his wet hands at Isak. Isak flinched. “I can’t believe you kept calling me a stalker and now you’re here doing _this_.”

“I—. You—,” Isak tried.

There weren’t any paper towels in the dispenser. Even went back to the sink and flicked his hands some more, then wiped them down the side of his jeans. He turned around and leaned against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. “Jokes aside, I’m actually really curious to know why you’re here. I told you I would stop and I did. This kind of feels like…entrapment.”

Two days ago, two hours ago, that’s exactly what Isak had wanted. Even shouldn’t have been able to walk away like he had. But with every passing minute in this bathroom, Isak was losing his conviction. The questions were gone. The revenge was gone. The manipulation was gone. He was staring at Even and wishing he were angry.

“I—. I—,” he tried again.

Even waited.

Isak swallowed, and something else came back up. “Are…are you gay?”

There was a beat of silence. And then there was a laugh. Even’s face transformed. His mouth went wide, his eyes disappeared, his head tilted back and the cords of his neck jumped out.

And then Isak got angry.

“Why are you laughing? That’s a legitimate fucking question considering your weird little confession the other day.” With the anger came some clarity. Here was Isak’s argument. “You were creeping on me from the start, you rejected Maja, you weren’t actually going after my model ex-girlfriend even though you became best friends—“

Even held up his hands to stop Isak. His laugh faded to a giggle. Isak watched as he pushed off of the edge of the counter with his ass, paying attention to the wave of his body. Even stepped in close, like he had been at the stadium, but his tension was gone. He had that dumb smirk on his face, and a lightness playing across his features, even in the dimmed light of the bar bathroom. Isak could tell he was about to mock him for something, so he stood his ground. In fact, Isak held all of the tension, already preparing for retaliation.

“I think we’ve established that you’re a smart guy, a savvy journalist. You know I’m a fan of your writing. I’ve seen how much work you’ve put into your research: the time you spend on phone calls with sources and mapping out your stories. I think it’s kind of cute, too, when you have all of your handwritten notes spread out on your desk. It makes me feel like I really work at a newspaper, when I get to see you being a reporter.”

Isak felt his skin tingle with warmth, from the unexpected compliments and Even’s closeness. But he’d had enough confrontations with Even to know that there was a punch line coming, that that was what was hiding behind Even’s smirk. So he drew it out. “But…”

“No…I don’t think there’s a but this time. Just…you’re very good at asking questions. You know how to ask the right questions to get the right answers, and you don’t let yourself waste time on an answer you don’t want. So it tells me a lot that you followed me into a bathroom, after you demanded that I leave you alone, so you could ask me if I’m gay.

“Because my sexuality shouldn’t matter to you—or anyone—unless they are going to act on it. It has nothing to do with my job or my coworkers—“ Even pointed a finger into Isak’s chest and held it there. “—unless they’re trying to make it a part of their own life, their own story. So when you ask me about it, I know you’re trying to figure out if I’m sexually attracted to _you_, if that’s what’s been motivating my actions, and if it’s something you can then respond to.

“None of this would matter if you really wanted me to leave you alone. But this means you actually want to….” Even looked up to the ceiling, searching for the rest of his sentence, or at least pretending to.

Isak’s anger boiled over at the delay. “What? What?! Since you know everything about me, what the fuck do I want to do?” He slapped away Even’s finger.

But Even brought his hand up to Isak’s face and counted off two things with an unbearable amount of confidence: “You either want to punch me or kiss me. And we already know you can’t actually fight.”

* * *

It happened again. Even got the last word and left the bathroom, while Isak was too shocked to move or say anything to stop him. Even had had to gently shove Isak out of the way to get the door open but it was easy enough to do. Isak stumbled toward the stall Even had used and caught himself on the corner. There, he had to catch his breath, as if he’d just run a marathon…and came in dead last.

Isak had his wits about him enough to avoid sliding to the floor, but he knew he had to sit down. He spun into the open stall and slammed the door shut. He checked the toilet for a mess before collapsing onto it. He let the sound of his heavy breathing, coming faster and faster with every passing second, echo off of the metal walls and fill his head. He used the noise as a shield against the thoughts and questions swirling up from his depths.

When his breathing began to soften, he replaced it with a mantra. “I don’t want that. I don’t want that. I don’t want that. I don’t want that.” He hadn’t had to say that in a while, but it came back to him automatically. The whole process—shutting down his brain, staring at nothing, training himself to believe something else—it simply kicked in. How dare Even say he couldn’t actually fight when he knew exactly how to tuck his elbows, raise his fists, and beat the truth out of his own desires. He whispered, “I don’t want that,” until he heard the bathroom door open, which cut into his conscious like a referee finishing his count. Isak was knocked out.

Back at the booth, everyone was relieved to see him return. Marius even stood up when he approached. “You okay dude?”

“Um, yeah.” Isak had checked his face before leaving the bathroom, and his skin was a little flushed and patchy, but he didn’t think it would be that noticeable on a Friday night at the bar.

“Okay, just…you were in there for a while, and we saw Even leave like fifteen minutes ago.”

“Did uh, did he talk to you?”

“No, he was with his marketing guys. But I thought you went in, like, together.”

Isak shook his head so aggressively that his vision went blurry for a second. “That was just a coincidence. I’m—. I’m going to head home.”

Kari Anne piped up. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m just tired.” He noticed that his friends had ordered food while he’d been in the bathroom, and they seemed ready to remain in the booth for a while. But Isak was done. He _was_ tired, and he didn’t know what more alcohol was going to do to his current mindset. Besides, Even had left. There wasn’t much point staying at the bar now.

Isak gave them all a little wave and headed to the bar to close his tab. Thomas let him go without any commentary. He headed out into the soft evening light, watching the ground as he made his way home. All he wanted to do was get somewhere where he could think. All he wanted to do was close his door behind him, shut everything out, and get his story straight. He’d worked too hard over the years to let it veer off course like this, and so quickly. He chastised himself with every step, with the rumble of the bus, with the yellow of the streetlights, and with the click of the lock in his door.

* * *

That weekend Isak stayed in an Emma bubble. He vowed to stop thinking about Even, just like he’d vowed to stop thinking about Jonas, and focused entirely on his girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend.

He watched her and Beverly on Instagram, enjoying New York City. Emma had curtly confirmed that Beverly was “with” her in response to his email, but she hadn’t defined that further, and Isak realized too late that it could be interpreted simply as “she sat next to me on the plane” instead of the more committed relationship that Isak was mildly curious about. He did notice that only one of their beds in the hotel room seemed to be mussed from sleep, and the oversized white tee that Beverly wore in one of her street style shots was probably Emma’s. Ultimately though, it didn’t matter, because whatever was going on between them was something that Isak wasn’t a part of. So he packed himself up.

Isak still didn’t have a new apartment lined up. He texted with Kari Anne pretty steadily over the weekend, following up on her efforts and actually going to check one place out in person. But he hadn’t put in any offers, nor been satisfied with anything that was available. He was being picky. He was packing up his clothes and memories and _things_ even though he had nowhere to send them to. It was merely an exercise in distraction, in half-ass-ery.

Kari Anne told him as much on Monday. “Like, yeah, it’s a step, but kind of in the wrong direction. Or…oh! The cart before the horse.” She found the right metaphor to criticize him with.

“Thanks.” Isak flicked at the calendar on her wall, avoiding her gaze and the accuracy of the metaphor.

“I guess it does put you at a very slight advantage, to be able to say you can move in with someone immediately, like _right now_, but I don’t know if real estate actually works that fast. Or at least not with the people we’ve been messaging. We need to find someone as desperate for a roommate as you are for a room.”

“A room? Is that what we’re down to now?”

“Uh, you seem to be giving up on finding your own apartment, so yeah. I’m going to shift to looking at rooms for a short stay.” Kari Anne spun back to her computer, letting Isak continue flicking the calendar. Isak casually looked over her wall at the rest of the bullpen, doing a slow sweep of her neighbors. He noticed the marketing team, recognizing the guys from the bar last week, having a chat over the wall of their own cubes. Even wasn’t with them.

“Oh yeah, we’re going to find something for you really quick this way.” Kari Anne sounded like she was stepping up to a buffet of options, rubbing her hands together at the spread. Isak glanced at her screen. “But, we still need to figure out the furniture situation. Like if you’re just renting a room, you obviously can’t take everything that you planned on splitting with Emma. And then you’d have to figure out if she’d be willing to store things for you until you find some place more permanent. Okay maybe this is more of a nightmare than I thought.”

Isak let Kari Anne think through her own little maze. He still didn’t feel any urgency toward his own problem, and he doubted he would until Emma showed up at his…at their door, new girlfriend in tow. Looking at Monday on Kari Anne’s calendar wasn’t enough to kick his ass into the right gear.

“Hey, are you going to the social media thing?” Isak was ready to be distracted by something else. Anything else.

“Even’s training?”

“Yeah.” Technically that was it. But as soon as Isak had received the email about it he’d tried to reframe it as any old group meeting, something he was obligated to attend but resented on principle.

“Remind me when it is?”

“He’s got like, four sessions on Thursday. You can pick which one.”

“I’m not sure if I really need to go, but if you’re going I’ll go with you.”

“I don’t think I need to go either but it feels like everyone is going. Marius is.”

Kari Anne snorted and finally turned back around to face Isak. “You need it the most of all of us, but I also know you’re not actually going to listen to him.”

“Okay, then that’s why you should go. You go, and give me your notes so I can read them later.”

Kari Anne narrowed her eyes at him. “I now have a very clear picture of you at university.”

Isak smirked. “It’s all about the sources, baby.”

“If you’re going to keep playing that game, then I will be requiring a commission on your future apartment. This work doesn’t come for free, kid. And my tab at Nine’s doesn’t count.”

“Your efforts will not go unrecognized,” Isak said diplomatically, dipping his head toward her. Isak would make no promises in a situation with such an unclear future.

“Ugh, get the fuck out of my cube. Go do your job instead of distracting me from mine.”

“You say that like I can’t do both.” Isak clicked his tongue at Kari Anne, but he did leave her cubicle. He meandered back to his own desk, taking the extra time to mentally prepare for the work he’d been avoiding ever since he decided to pay his friend a visit. He waved to Maja, who was on the phone but still waved back, and checked in on Marius as well. He was sitting in Linnea’s office though, so he didn’t interrupt anyone else. It was rare for Isak to be the one looking for a distraction, but almost everything in his life was turned upside down at this point.

Finally back on his side of the floor, he clocked Even in his office and Marthe at her desk. He spun into his cubicle and let his full weight fall into his chair, sending him spinning into the edge of his desk with a thunk.

Even’s email about the training sessions was still open on Isak’s screen. A notification from Kari Anne popped up: she’d sent him a new email with some of the links she’d found during their meeting, so he clicked to open that. But he didn’t open any of the links. Instead he went back to Even’s email, picked the last session on Thursday, and sent Kari Anne a calendar invitation. _Twitter 101 with Mr. Toilet Paper_

* * *

On Wednesday night Isak ordered a pizza after work and decided to tackle the bathroom. He didn’t have any boxes left to use, but he figured he could sort stuff easily enough, and have it ready to go the next time he stole some recycled cardboard from work. Of course this all might have been just an excuse to satisfy his curiosity about all of Emma’s…stuff.

He’d had plenty of opportunities over the years, long stretches of time when he knew he was alone in the apartment and could screw around with her toiletries, but he’d never actually had the urge to do so. Now, as he held a slice of pizza in one hand and riffled through a drawer with the other, he started to repaint the picture of her he had in his head. These were the liquids, the creams, she put on her face in a particular order every night. Here was a mask she did on her days off, and that she’d managed to get Isak to wear a few times himself. Those were the tiny blades she uses for her facial hair. He knew what was essential and goes with her on trips, and what stays behind. He flicked open her toothpaste and smelled the familiar taste. It didn’t mix well with the pizza. He wondered what Beverly tasted like in Emma’s mouth. He wondered if he already knew.

Under the sink he pulled out a bunch of things with cords. A hairdryer, a straightener, a water flosser, a charging base for…something. There were some clippers as well, but he couldn’t recall if they belonged to him or Emma. He hadn’t used them in years, not since his drunk buzz cut right before he started working at the newspaper. They were probably his. But he thought about Emma’s hair now, how she might need the clippers for touch-ups. Isak shoved the rest of his crust between his teeth and pulled out his phone from his pocket. He held up the clippers and took a picture in the mirror. _He sent it to Emma. I think these are mine but do you want to keep them? Your hair is shorter than mine._

_Are you drunk?_

_No I’m cleaning / packing._

_I’ll keep them. But we can do this when I’m home._

Isak tossed everything back under the sink. Something in him deflated with Emma’s messages, and he let himself drop down to the floor of the bathroom. He finished chewing his pizza crust, sitting there on the bathmat. And then he just stared at the shower for an unknown length of time.

* * *

He’d slept in his clothes. The pizza had been left out on the counter. It would’ve looked like Isak had gotten too drunk to take care of himself past 8 o’clock, but he hadn’t had any alcohol at all. As sad as it all appeared, Isak woke up quite refreshed. He sent a quick prayer to no one in particular thanking them for a dreamless sleep, and then got ready for work.

Isak’s good luck carried him through the day. He had a level of focus that made up for the time he wasted the day before, and he was making solid progress on his main story, while also tying up loose ends with smaller projects along the way. By the time his calendar notification popped up with a fifteen-minute warning, he was ready to go. 

Walking past Even’s office on the way to Kari Anne’s cube, he realized the dark door might have been a factor in his smooth day. Even had been in the conference room doing his sessions the whole time, so Isak hadn’t been distracted out of the corner of his eye like usual. He knew where Even was, and it was a comfortable distance away. He also knew that being in the sessions meant Even wasn’t working on some other plan to fuck with him, granting Isak true peace. He wondered how long it would last.

“No notebook?” Kari Anne was surprised when Isak appeared empty-handed in her doorway. She was gathering her own steno pad, pen, phone, and badge.

“We’re not actually taking this seriously. I just need an hour in the back of a conference room so I can play games on my phone.”

“That’s a bold statement coming from someone whose twitter account was turned into a joke.”

“A joke? You have to actually be funny to make a decent joke. That typewriter shit was just dumb. Here, I’ll show you what a joke is.” Isak pulled his phone out of his back pocket and opened twitter.

@isakyakiwrites: headed to social media training! ❤️🐬☀️🍆💯

He flashed his latest tweet at Kari Anne but she didn’t even look at his phone. “We’re going to be late.” She gave his shoulder a gentle shove, pushing him out into the hallway. There was already a small flow of people moving to the conference room, as this last session of the day seemed to be the most popular one. They slipped into the stream.

The conference room they were headed to was modular, and was usually broken up into three smaller rooms for private meetings. Now though, it was one large room with tables set up in rows, with one table at the front below a wide screen. As other employees filed in and set up their laptops or tablets on the tables, it started to look like a classroom. Kari Anne had the sense to lead Isak to the back of the room; his boredom would trump her diligence, and if Marius actually showed up then they would definitely need to be kept out of the way. The room hummed like a classroom before the teacher arrived, everyone excited by the lack of supervision. They picked out their seats.

“Oh, guess what.”

“What.”

“I found a room for you.”

“Yeah? Do you have a link?” Isak was already on his phone but he paused to actually focus on this for once.

“Um…no. I just have a connection. A friend of a friend, his roommate is moving out because he’s getting married. He hasn’t listed it anywhere yet, because he was just going to try to get someone he knew first. But my friend sent me some pictures and a little description, which I can text to you.” Kari Anne fumbled with her own phone. “I know it’s not ideal, but it’s good to at least have this option in your back pocket. And it’s in our neighborhood. I think it’s even on our bus route too.”

Isak received the information with five buzzes. The room looked nice, and the rest of the apartment was clean. The location was an obvious selling point, if only because it would make actually moving there very easy. The description said it would be furnished, so Isak wouldn’t have to worry about a bed, desk, or wardrobe. “Cost?”

“I think he’s still trying to figure it out. Like, it depends who it is, and how long they want to stay.”

“Do you know what the original dude was paying?”

“No, but I know that the original dude is marrying the roommate’s sister so there is definitely some kind of discount happening there.”

Isak let out a low whistle. “Doubt I could swing something like that.”

“Well, you could try.” Kari Anne gave him an exaggerated wink just as Marius slid into the seat on her other side.

“What are we winking about?”

“Isak’s next apartment and romantic future.”

“Shut up.”

“Tell me later,” Marius faux whispered. Isak wished he had brought a pencil with him just so he could have something to chuck at his friend. But he was quickly distracted away from their table when Even entered at the front of the room. Everyone’s conversations immediately hushed. In a tiny act of personal rebellion, Isak started texting Kari Anne while everyone else paid attention to Even’s introduction.

_Emma said I wouldn’t have to worry about packing my stuff until she’s home, so she clearly isn’t going to kick me out right away. But thank you for reaching out and finding the room. Get me his information and I’ll set up a meeting._

But Kari Anne didn’t even look at her phone when the message popped up. She’d opened her pad and had her pen ready to take notes. Isak looked around at the rest of the room and realized everyone was being attentive, taking this class seriously. Even Marius was facing forward instead of casually draped across a chair and making faces at Isak behind Kari Anne’s back. Isak felt betrayed.

He played games for a few minutes, but then he made the mistake of looking up at the screen behind Even and chuckling at the ridiculously cheesy deck he had on display. To cover the sound of his laugh he shifted forward in his seat and stared straight ahead. Then he read the bullet points Even was sharing. Then he listened to what Even was saying. Then he chuckled some more, along with the rest of his coworkers, at a good joke. Shit.

Even Isak had to admit that Even was putting on a really good tutorial. He was demonstrating what he was doing on all of the major social media platforms with the official newspaper accounts, and then shifting the focus to how individuals should use them, if they were interested in doing so. Isak was not, but he listened anyway. He looked up the accounts that Even mentioned on his phone. He took screenshots and favorited things that Even was pointing out: the way people were sharing their stories, the level of promotion you do for yourself and for others to keep your accounts in balance, and the best organizational tricks to give you enough context for meaningful engagement. Isak could see why Even had been such a success at his last job, and how seriously he took the newspaper. He understood how much work went into a single tweet, how much research and testing lead up to the final product. Maybe he would give him a little credit for his obvious expertise. A tiny, minuscule amount.

Until Kari Anne gasped. Isak looked up from his phone and saw his own twitter profile staring back at him, with its default avatar and three lame tweets. Even hadn’t missed a beat.

“So now we’re going to work together and try to rehabilitate a twitter account. There are some obvious things that need to be changed here, but it’s not a lost cause, and no matter how big or small you always have an opportunity to rebrand. If I can change from toilet paper to newspaper, we can change this into a journalist.”

A few hands shot up, people ready to point out the flaws and prove they remembered what they’d just been taught. Isak shot up too, kicking his chair back as he stood, and swiftly headed toward the door. Sweat prickled on the back of his neck. Kari Anne faintly called after him, and Even’s eyes followed him instead of calling on a student. Isak was smart enough to not make a scene, even though this moment truly called for one. But he simply walked out without a word, his head held high, and went straight to his desk. There he shoved his bag into a drawer, turned off his monitor, and left. He was done.

* * *

Thomas wasn’t at Nine’s. It was both too early in the day and the wrong day for his shift. Isak talked to Astrid instead, and she kept his pint glass full. He did not dwell on what had happened in the office, on what had driven him to the bar halfway through the afternoon, because he couldn’t. He had to employ his old tactics of completely blocking it out. He could not rehash every interaction and figure out the extent of his exposure because the last time he’d done that it had completely backfired. So he was going to block it out by possibly blacking out, and by five o’clock he was halfway there. He’d unbuttoned the collar of his blue button-up, turned off his phone, and focused on a singular goal.

Astrid swapped out his next cider with a glass of water. He didn’t put up a fight. The faster he downed the water the faster he’d get another drink. Isak drank and stared straight ahead, reading the bottles along the wall of the bar for the sixtieth time.

“I’m not going to apologize.” 

Isak’s head snapped to the right. Even was sitting next to him, facing forward. Isak fought the urge to stand up and step away. “What?”

“Kari Anne sent me over to apologize, but I’m not going to.”

Isak finally twisted around to look at their booth. Kari Anne was standing in front of it, arms crossed, chaperoning from a distance. “Why would she do that?” He shot her a look before twisting back around.

“Probably had something to do with me using your twitter account in my presentation and you subsequently walking out.”

“Well it was definitely an asshole thing to do, but I’m not expecting you to apologize either.” Isak refused to look at Even. When he turned back around he stared down the bottles again. This helped him keep his voice steady, even though his heart was racing.

“I’m not not…apologizing…because I’m an asshole.” Even paused while he worked through the double negative. “I’m not apologizing because it wasn’t a bad thing to do. Your twitter account is public and, frankly, poorly maintained. It was a prime example for the rehabilitation I was showcasing to our coworkers. If you had stuck around you would’ve probably picked up some good tips.”

“And been completely embarrassed by the bullpen? No thank you. I’ve had a much more enjoyable time with Astrid here.” She stopped in front of them to give Isak a refill and take Even’s order.

“I’ll have what he’s having, because it’s clearly putting him in an excellent mood.” If she could hear the sarcasm in Even’s voice, it only made her slip away that much faster.

Isak drank so he wouldn’t have to look at Even.

“I honestly don’t think anyone would’ve known it was you, if you hadn’t stood up and walked out. I think people would’ve assumed I made a fake account just to teach a lesson.”

“Then why didn’t you just make a fake account? It was so unnecessary.”

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Even shrug.

“Maybe I was trying to teach _you_ a lesson.”

“God, Even.” Isak let his head fall back. Staring at the ceiling was a nice change of pace. “The only thing you’ve taught me is exactly how annoying you are. But hey, since I’m in such a good mood, let me finally do something that will make you happy.” Isak flipped over his phone on the bar and turned it on. He shifted it over enough so Even could watch the screen. From a distance, such as Kari Anne’s perspective, it would’ve looked like they were both watching a video, or putting their heads together over a text conversation. But Isak was actually opening twitter, tapping through his settings, and deleting his account, right under Even’s nose.

“No, no, that’s not—“

“If something is bothering you, you remove it, right? You didn’t like me using twitter, so boom: I’ve stopped using twitter. And since I don’t like talking to you, boom: I won’t.”

Isak scooped up his phone and his drink and swiveled off of the stool in the opposite direction. He put a small smile on his face to please Kari Anne and hopefully convince her that everything was fine. He didn’t want to have to talk to Even, or talk _about_ him. But she stared him down as he approached.

“Looks like he didn’t apologize.”

“Are you surprised?” Isak slid into the booth across from her.

Kari Anne’s face burst into pure glee when Isak asked that, because he’d managed to let out a lisp. “Isak! You’ve only been here for like two hours. How are you drunk already?”

“I’m not!” He looked down at his pint glass and tried to count which one it was.

“You know we _do_ have to be back at the office tomorrow.”

Isak gave up on counting. “Maybe…I’ll work from home.”

Even arrived at the table with two glasses. One was a cider that matched Isak’s and the other was a beer for Kari Anne. Instead of picking a side of the booth to sit on, he stayed standing at the end of the table.

“Oh, thank you, Even. But I’m not really interested in drinking tonight.”

“I’ll have it.” Isak threw back the last gulp of his cider and reached for the beer. He felt trapped at the table, even though he could easily slide out past Even, and needed something to continue distracting himself. He’d done well, keeping calm thus far, but clearly the pressure would only increase. As much as he wanted to dismiss Even, he couldn’t do it in front of Kari Anne.

They both watched him while he drank. They carried on a lame conversation, superficial chatter that acted as an excuse to stay in the booth. Kari Anne was watching him out of concern, and Even was watching him…

Isak squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to physically block the thought. But it came anyway, practically invited by Isak’s subconscious. 

Because he was _interested_.

Isak’s subconscious let out a low moan. At this point he was more disappointed in himself than he was angry at Even, which was an impressive feat. He chugged Kari Anne’s beer for a solid ten seconds.

“Hey.” Even gently tapped Isak’s shoulder, but Isak reacted like he’d been branded by a white-hot iron. He would’ve spilled the beer if he hadn’t drunk so much of it already. “Maybe we should go home.”

“Yeah…it’s…it’s been a long day. Did you close out, Isak?”

He took offense at their patronizing concern. “Excuse me for wanting a drink to avoid thinking about how I was publicly humiliated by my coworker.”

“Okay, well, you’ve had your drink and then some. And I don’t think it worked.” Kari Anne popped out of the booth. “Come on, let’s go see Astrid.”

Even was smart enough to step aside, not revisit an old argument or get in Isak’s physical way. Isak drained the second pint glass in defiance, but when he was done he didn’t have a good enough reason to continue sitting there. Also, the alcohol was really hitting now. He looked up at Even. He glared, or he at least thought he was glaring. His face could’ve been doing something completely different at this point. Then he followed his friend to the bar.

When Kari Anne saw the total on Isak’s tab and did some quick math, she rolled her eyes. “That’s your lisp, alright.”

Isak was going to tell her to shut up but realized quickly enough that it would just prove her point. So he kept quiet, and fumbled with his wallet as he put his card away. Then Kari Anne led him out into the relatively early evening.

Even was outside already. “Need a smoke?” He was flicking a lighter with his thumb, ready to offer. But Kari Anne brushed him off. 

“I love you both but I’m not trying to extend this evening with you. Let’s get Isak home.”

Isak didn’t need assistance. He could walk straight, and he was certainly thinking straight. But the general progression of the afternoon had done a number on his mood, and Kari Anne’s support, as frustrated as it was, was helpful right now. She functioned as his physical guide, while his brain was busy thinking certain things and trying to forget others. She led them to the bus stop and her mere presence kept everyone’s emotions in check.

On the bus she sat Isak and Even together in a seat above a wheel well and stood next to Isak in the aisle. “If I don’t send you the dude’s contact info tomorrow, remind me again. Sorry, I just got distracted.”

“It’s okay.” Isak had forgotten about Kari Anne’s friend, and the possible room for rent. He tried to shift his focus back to that. “Do…do you think I need to reach out to him immediately?”

For some reason Kari Anne glanced at Even before responding. “No, it didn’t seem like he was in a rush, since he hasn’t listed it yet. I’ll also keep looking for like, actual apartments too.”

“When do you have to move?” Even’s voice floated in over Isak’s other shoulder. It was softer than how he was talking at the bar, even though the bus was making more noise. Isak pointedly ignored it, and looked at Kari Anne to prevent her from answering on his behalf. She just rolled her eyes, then ignored both of them for the rest of the ride. They swayed with the swing of the bus and melted into the rush hour crowd.

As the bus slowed for her stop, she finally turned back to the boys. “You two had better figure out whatever the fuck is going on otherwise I’m going to stop talking to both of you. _And_ I’ll make Marius and Maja go on strike too.” At this point it felt like an empty threat, but both Isak and Even grimaced and nodded in synchronized agreement. Kari Anne accepted this and made her way to the closest door. They both watched her leave.

When the door closed behind her, something in Isak snapped. Kari Anne’s calming aura was gone, and whatever had happened at work today had finally been suppressed beyond existence. Instead, what came roaring back to Isak, was that slightly drunk feeling from the bathroom, when he was scrambling for a sense of control that was just out of reach, even when Even was right there. He twisted to face him. Even reeled back in surprise. “You never answered my question.”

“Well, uh…you never answered the one I just asked either.”

“Stop that. No more games. Answer me.”

“Answer what?”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

Even didn’t answer Isak. Instead he reached across him to press the signal for his stop. Isak felt a flash of heat curl up his neck from the proximity, from the body trying to cross his, and from his own resistance to shifting away. Even got to leave the bathrooms but he wasn’t going to leave the bus.

“Isak, please let me stand up. My stop is approaching.”

“Answer me. You know exactly what I’m asking, and I’m doing what Kari Anne says: figuring out whatever the fuck is going on.”

Even muttered something under his breath. It sounded like, “Fucking journalists,” but Isak couldn’t be sure, because Even also stood up just then. His full height was stunted by the ceiling but his crotch was in Isak’s face, which was probably the point. Isak finally twisted away from him then, giving Even enough room to squeeze past his legs and into the aisle.

“Even!”

The bus was slowing down. The change in speed made it more difficult for Isak to stand, but he did, stumbling after Even toward the door.

Just like Kari Anne did, Even gave Isak a parting command. “Go home. You’re drunk. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Isak was about to reach out to pull Even’s arm back, to make him stay and answer, but he was too slow. The doors opened and Even slipped out between them. Isak paused for half of a second, only enough time to register that Even was escaping. Then he jumped off of the bus as well, landing poorly and drawing the eye of every other passenger. 

“Are you serious?” Even stopped to look at Isak. He must’ve realized that this was exactly what Isak wanted though, because he turned back around and started walking away again almost immediately. He didn’t need Isak to answer that. Isak got his feet under him and followed.

He almost knew where he was. He’d never hopped off the bus a stop early from his, only ever missing his stop a couple of times and riding further west. He could figure out how to get home from where they were right now, but if Even evaded him for much longer, if they disappeared down smaller streets, Isak would be fucked. He had a very brief moment of despair before he remembered that Google Maps existed. Still, he called after Even in the interest of not getting lost.

Two blocks later, Even finally stopped and turned back. He waited for Isak to catch up to him. He looked angry, but beautiful, standing with his arms crossed in one of the last slants of evening light that was sneaking in between the buildings. Isak slowed his own pace so he could get a good look.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“It?” Isak stopped in his confusion. He was close enough that they didn’t have to yell, but it wasn’t as close as they’d been before, in every other confrontation. Maybe that’s why he was confused.

“My answer. To your question. What are you going to do?”

“I…I…I don’t know.” He truly didn’t. “It depends on your answer.” And even then, Isak hadn’t thought beyond the answer. He hadn’t thought of how his knuckles could crack against Even’s jaw, or how his lips could purse into a cushion for it instead. He didn’t let himself fantasize about either of those things, the way a hungry man doesn’t let himself think about cake.

Instead he thought about that one time he was literally chasing a man, driving all the way up to Aura kraftverk to interview an engineer who was being noticeably evasive. The engineer wasn’t the lead he ended up using, but taking the trip up to the power plant was the right move because he found someone else up there, by chance, who helped him develop his story on Statkraft. Isak also didn’t jump ahead of his own questions because of this; it all depends on how someone answers, or doesn’t, first.

Even had kept walking, Isak following in a distracted manner. He didn’t know where he was now. But Even was reaching for his keys in his back pocket, and this seemed to be the excuse Isak needed to lock his eyes on Even’s ass. He stared long enough to not even notice when Even was holding the door open for him.

“Where are we?”

Even frowned, possibly doubting Isak’s intelligence for real this time. “You’ve followed me to my apartment.”

Isak knew it was a lame attempt at defending himself before the words made it out of his mouth. “You haven’t answered my question.”

Even just rolled his eyes, which was to be expected. He gave Isak a moment to really regret his desperate mission. “Please, just get inside. We’re not going to do this on the sidewalk.”

“Are you going to answer my question?”

Even didn’t answer _that_ question. He walked inside, letting the door swing shut. Isak lunged forward to catch it.

Once he was inside he shook the lingering cider and beer from his brain. He trailed after Even, paying attention this time. Even had used a key to get in the front door, but after that he used codes for electric locks. They went through three doors to get to a small stairwell, and each time Even held open the door for Isak after him. Then they climbed four flights of stairs. Isak stared at Even’s ass again, and almost tripped on the first landing.

“I know it’s a lot, but it’s pretty much the only exercise I do.” It seemed like Even had almost read Isak’s mind, though he was more talking about the struggles of the walk-up versus the apparent benefits. Isak didn’t respond, lest he say the wrong thing. He also started worrying that he was panting too hard, that being out of breath would send the wrong message. Though he wasn’t sure following Even into his apartment was sending any other kind of message either. Given this time to think, to pay attention, he was realizing how desperate he appeared, how desperate he actually was. And still, he followed that cake all the way to the top.

Even opened one more door only to reveal more stairs. But this was an even smaller hall, barely two-people wide, and the walls leading up to yet another door were covered in hooks. Even had stopped at the base to remove his shoes, and it finally clicked that this was the entrance to his apartment. Near the top landing the hooks had coats and sweaters and bags hanging. When Isak turned around to close the door behind him, he saw that the back of it was covered in…graffiti? It looked like the bathroom stall walls of every bar he’d been to. There were a lot of hastily drawn hearts and some phone numbers. And dicks. Of course.

Isak remembered why he was there. He shook his head again. He repeated the question to himself. _Are you gay?_ Then he turned to say it out loud.

But the question got lost in Isak’s throat, because Even was there. Right there. He was so close that Isak had to take a step back just so he could see him properly. Even stepped closer, maintaining their distance, or lack thereof. He was staring into Isak's eyes, then his gaze drifted down to Isak's lips, to the opening of his shirt, and back up to his lips again. That’s when Isak knew: you do not ask a man standing this close to you if he’s gay; you just kiss him. So Isak did.

Isak leaned forward, slowly, steadily, until the centimeters between them disappeared and their heavy breaths mixed. He took a sharp inhale, possibly his last one on this earth, and pressed his mouth to Even’s. His eyes closed automatically. But also defensively. He didn’t want to watch himself die. And surely this was a kiss of death.

It was not how he had kissed Jonas. That had been curious and hopeful.

It was not how he had kissed the man at the bar. That had been dark and shameful.

It was not how he had kissed Emma. Those had been lies.

This kiss was different. When Even’s lips pressed back, a shiver of surprise ran through Isak. Even’s hands came up to his jaw to steady him. Soft fingertips held him below his ears and pulled his face forward, telling him to keep pressing. _Keep kissing._ Then there was pressure on his cheeks—Even’s thumbs—to get Isak to open his mouth. _Keep kissing, but like this._ Their heads tilted in sync to give each other more, better, access. And then, yes, Isak died.

He let Even press his whole body into him, pinning Isak to the graffiti behind them. Even still controlled his head with his soft touch, still teased his tongue with his own, but Isak’s arms were free to do what they like. He found Even’s waist under the hem of his button-up. His skin was warm. Isak let his hands spread across Even’s lower back, greedy for the buzz that built from every point of contact. As he pulled Even’s body closer, spreading his legs to make room, his body moved in every attempt to increase that buzz. His thighs squeezed Even’s trapped between them. His fingers roamed to find more warm skin. He broke the kiss to take a breath, but he pressed his cheek to Even’s so he wouldn’t lose contact. His mouth picked up a new journey, away from Even’s puffy lips to his sharp jaw, pink ear, and strong neck. He felt Even’s hands in his hair as he moved, gentle encouragement. He felt the beat of his heart, somehow going even faster than his own, as their chests heaved against each other. He felt Even’s hips start a tentative grind and offer up an undeniable bulge. Isak automatically responded in kind.

But he had to break away for a moment. He had to take another breath, and look down between their bodies. He needed proof, because he could not rely on his dick to interpret the truth. So he pulled off of Even’s neck and thrust his hips hard enough to send Even off balance. Isak still had his arms wrapped around him, ready to reel him in in an instant, but first he needed a moment of clarity. Was this Even’s answer? And was this Isak’s response? A mouth thick with saliva and dick ready to burst out of his pants?

Isak needed a moment and that’s all Even gave him. With a hand still in his hair, Even pulled on his curls and jerked him back against the door. Isak’s shoulders hit with a thud, but whatever dull pain was about to register in his brain was cut off by Even’s mouth on his, hard and needy, with teeth barely contained. Then their hips were back in contact and back in motion, with a bit more intention now. They were lined up, their pants barely a barrier at this point, their hard dicks generating an obscene amount of heat for a summer night. If Isak had another chance to look down he would probably find smoke curling up from the friction.

He couldn’t, of course. His eyes had shut again automatically, what with him still being near death. But his hands were very much alive and curious as fuck. They moved up Even’s back, feeling his bony spine and the waves of muscles as Even’s arms worked to contain Isak against the door. Then his hands were back on Even’s waist, touching base before moving up his chest. They made discoveries that Isak wasn’t able to process right then, but would be able to recall later that night when he was touching himself. Even was skinny and smooth, with an abdomen that could sink under his ribs and expand with hot, heavy, breaths. His pants hung on hipbones without needing a belt. Isak’s hands moved down over fabric this time, just for that initial grab. And even though he’d halted that glorious friction against his own crotch, what he felt in his hands made up for it a thousand times. He groped Even’s dick, defining it with his fingers, shifting its straight length to one side of his zipper so there weren’t any seams in the way. His eyes were closed but he could see it, and Isak already knew that it was perfect. He let himself hold it and squeeze it, and he begged his brain to remember what this was like, because this was the closest he’d ever been. _Please just let me have this._

“Fuck.” Even breathed against his ear. “Keep doing that.” Even’s hips were still thrusting, just into Isak’s hand’s now, into the more precise pressure. Another shudder went down Isak’s spine hearing Even’s voice like that. It was heavy and soft at the same time, and Isak swore he could feel it travel right to his balls. He didn’t want to let go of Even, but he had to just so he could touch himself and relieve some of the pressure. He was about to fumble for his own zipper, ready to reach in and jerk himself off to the fantasy in front of him, when Even had a better idea.

Even’s hands were down at their crotches in an instant, deftly grabbing Isak’s wrists without needing to look. He pulled Isak’s arms up to shoulder height, pressing his wrists into the door this time, but spaced far enough apart that Even still had access to Isak’s neck. His puffy lips latched on and began sucking, causing a brief distraction from what he was about to do with his crotch.

Again, they were lined up. Their dicks were so hard they were pointing straight up, threatening their waistbands. He could feel Even through those four layers of fabric but he still cursed each one. Even was very smoothly dry humping Isak, applying steady pressure with each stroke and building the buzz Isak had been chasing from the very first touch. Isak’s dick began to leak with arousal, and he realized almost too late what he was getting ready for. “Even.” His voice was not heavy and soft, but tense and needy, right in Even’s ear. “Even, I’m—“

Even sucked and then bit. He did not stop. His knees bumped against the door when he deepened his strokes, almost humping up into Isak’s crotch. Isak felt Even’s dick rub up into his balls, and then he felt his balls tightening in response.

Again: “Even.” A warning.

Again: Even ignored it. Actually, no. He turned it into encouragement instead. His grip tightened on Isak’s wrists. His hips did not falter. His lips moved back up to Isak’s mouth and filled it. Whatever Isak wanted to, had to say next, would get lost in his throat again.

Isak’s whole body tensed, and he lost control of it. He had no idea if he was still standing, or if he was merely supported by Even’s weight against the door. The only feeling he had was in his dick as the cum pulsed forth and soaked his front. He couldn’t control his voice, which was just a loud groan on an exhale, and he couldn’t control his own hips, which still thrust forward with greed. He moaned into Even’s mouth. He came in his pants and shuddered with pure release.

Isak let himself revel in this bliss. As his voice came back, he said nothing. As light shifted beyond his eyelids, he did not open them. As Even’s grip on his wrists loosened, he kept his arms raised. He let his dick be the only focus for a little while longer, enjoying the quick and strong orgasm without interference. He could still feel Even’s hardness pressed up against him, and his body understood that if he didn’t move then Even might not either. Right now, that’s all he wanted.

Eventually Even moved. He seemed to need as much time as Isak to recover some of his breath, and when he did, he lifted away from Isak. His lips stopped leaving light pecks at the corner of Isak’s mouth. The heat of his hard dick became an absence that Isak had never known before but knew now with a sharp realization. Fear caused Isak to finally open his eyes, to see if Even was really leaving him.

But what he saw was the opposite: Even was still in front of him, just dropped down to his knees. “I’m going to blow you,” rumbled up from Isak’s waist. Faster than Isak could register what was going on, Even’s fingers had flicked open Isak’s button and tugged on the zipper. He’d done what Isak had tried to do earlier: free his swollen cock from the confines of fabric. Isak was still hard, so he burst out of his boxer briefs with a suddenness that shocked them both. Even’s hand quickly captured it on its downward bob and Isak nearly screamed.

“Gah! Ev—!” His dick was sensitive and wet from the very recent mess it had made, and Even’s touch was torture. Isak threw his back against the door again, trying to step away, but thrust his hips forward, so very confused about what he wanted to happen.

Even powered through. His left hand grabbed Isak’s hip to still it, and his right hand curled into a soft grip that pulled Isak’s foreskin toward the tip. His thumb swiped at the last drop of cum he’d squeezed out, and he flicked out his tongue to lick it up. It was probably the hottest thing Isak had seen his entire life, and another moan escaped in an attempt to say just that.

“Fuuuuck.”

Even paused and looked up at Isak, his eyes wide and playful in this position. “Maybe next time.” Without breaking contact, he tilted his head to the left side of Isak’s dick and ran his tongue down its length, gently cleaning it up. It took all of Isak’s strength just to remember how to breathe.

He pulled Isak all the way out of his briefs, tugging the waistband down to support his balls and then stroking his dick down to his bush. Isak’s underwear was still a mess but Even had licked his entire dick clean, and only took a moment to swallow before beginning the blowjob in earnest.

Isak couldn’t look down. He could barely handle his dick in Even’s mouth, so watching it happen on top of that was not even an option. He stared up at the light fixture on the distant ceiling, then let his vision go blurry. All that was left was light and heat and the back of Even’s throat trying to swallow him whole. It was exquisite.

He didn’t think he would come again. The first time was a fluke, and a second would be a miracle. This was Even on his knees, a _guy_, a guy he _hated_. Isak should not be this turned on right now, this desperate and ready to come. He never thought he’d get off to him pressing him up against a door, and now it was about to happen again. The buzz, which hadn’t ever really faded, was back for an encore.

Even was still holding his hip in place with one hand, and the other was at the base of Isak’s cock giving steady squeezes with every down stroke. Isak felt the tight ring of Even’s delicious lips, and the tease of his tongue swirling around his exposed head. There was that steady pressure again, a rhythm that promised it wouldn’t stop until another load had been coaxed out of his balls. Isak had never shot twice before, never in such quick succession, but he’d never done a lot of the evening’s activities before, so why stop now? Isak closed his eyes to the light and let his dick sink into the heat and whispered another warning that was going to go unheeded.

Even relaxed his throat and pulled him in deep. He took Isak’s second load right down his gullet. His other hand moved to Isak’s side in an attempt to slow the reflexive jerks of his hips as the orgasm coursed through his groin. Isak grunted with every pulse. Even swallowed three times before having to pull off; he coughed as soon as Isak’s dick cleared his lips. Again, they both stilled in order to catch their breaths.

When Isak found the strength to open his eyes, he looked down. His dick was hanging out, slightly swollen and bobbing with his heartbeat. He could see how much Even had taken into his mouth, the ring where his saliva ended almost to the base. As if he weren’t already impressed by the two orgasms, the fact that Even had almost taken all of him left Isak speechless. His brain could handle a chorus of silent fucks, but that was about it. He couldn’t even move to tuck himself back into his pants. The blowjob was literally stunning.

Even was still on the floor, still holding Isak’s hips long after they’d calmed down. He was staring at Isak’s dick too, but Isak couldn’t read his face. He had to wait until Even turned his gaze upward, and it was happening very slowly. Or maybe everything was moving slowly. Maybe time was stopping. Maybe that’s what happened when you’re a hungry man who finally got a bite of cake.

Even’s lips were wet and red. He licked at them between breaths. His cheeks were flushed. When his eyes finally met Isak’s, they revealed nothing. Even’s voice was sharp when it cut through the fog of pleasure and confusion that kept Isak in his grip.

“I hope that answered your question.”


	11. Sleepless

**Kari Anne:** iiiiitttthhhhhaaaaaaakkkkkkkk

**Kari Anne:** how is your hangover?

**Maja:** Wait wait we missed out on Isak’s lisp last night??

**Marius:** what day is it today

**Kari Anne:** friday.

**Marius:** why were you out drinking last night?

**Kari Anne:** we weren’t, just isak. even and i went to pick him up at nine’s and make sure he got home okay.

**Marius:** did he?

**Isak:** Yeth.

**Marius:** and ur still at home

**Isak:** Hence the texting.

**Kari Anne:** because otherwise i would be in his cube mocking him to his face.

**Maja:** OMG come to my cube and mock Isak please.

**Maja:** Pleathe.

**Isak:** Fuck off.

**Marius:** are u coming out tonight though?

**Isak:** idk. Not sure it’s a good look to play hooky then show up at the bar.

**Marius:** it’s not a good look, it’s a badass look

**Kari Anne:** well you know where to find us, isak. HYDRATE PLEASE

**Maja:** Pleathe.

Isak tossed his phone to the other end of the couch. It was nice of his friends to check in on him and provide a little distraction, even if it was at his expense. He had a five-minute reprieve from thinking about Even, and he wished he could extend it. None of his distraction tactics were working, and his actual job was no help. Who cared about drug dealers when your dick was in your coworker’s mouth approximately twelve hours ago? Isak didn’t. Isak couldn’t.

It also didn’t help that he hadn’t gotten any sleep. That was more of an issue than the hangover, really, and why he wasn’t in the office. He physically felt like he was going to crash at any minute and didn’t want it happening in his cubicle. Anxiety and masturbation had kept him up all night; he didn’t know when either of them would stop, either.

Around five o’clock he’d scrambled four eggs for a very late midnight snack, as he’d finally calmed down enough to think about eating by then. He threw a bunch of other things into tortillas to almost make breakfast burritos and found _Notting Hill_ on Netflix. He’d seen it many times before, enough that he didn’t actually watch it, but he needed the comfort of the familiar to keep his mind from going off the rails. He trusted Julia Roberts to hold his hand through one of the more confusing nights of his life.

Not sleeping probably helped him, in a way, because it didn’t give his mind the chance to shut down and erase what had happened, like drinking usually did. He then had hours to replay the entire evening, get ridiculously turned on again by it all, jerk off twice, and then worry about what his next step would be. He had no one to talk to about this development, no one he wanted to talk to about it, and he’d smartly deleted his twitter account so he couldn’t foolishly vent to the entire internet. He’d have to remember to boast about that to Even later, if he decided to ever talk to him again, that is.

Because yes, Isak was embarrassed. He both loved what happened and regretted it severely, and he was struggling with figuring out the appropriate response to it. Obviously, physically, it was very satisfying, finally kissing a guy. He’d been so aroused by it that he came in his pants like a high schooler, and then just stood there while Even cleaned off his dick and made him come again. By the number of effortless orgasms alone Isak should’ve been knocked unconscious as soon as he got home, but then the questions started pouring in, and his track record with asking the right ones in regards to Even was quite poor.

He’d left Even at the base of the stairs, not saying anything while he tucked himself back into his pants and buttoned enough of his shirt to leave the apartment building. Even hadn’t said anything more, either because he was just as shocked as Isak was by the complete 180 their relationship had just taken or because the blowjob was a final statement. He’d let Isak leave without resistance. Out on the sidewalk Isak finished buttoning his shirt and then he searched for directions home. He was actually really close; he didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing yet. It also didn’t matter if he was going to move to another part of the city. So he abandoned that train of thought for now.

At home he went right for the shower, only pausing to take stock of his body in the mirror. He had dried cum in his bush, light bruises developing at his hips, and red splotches on his face and neck. He hadn’t looked in a mirror since that initial inspection, but he suspected that the marks were another reason he was sitting on his couch during the workday. He got hard again while standing in front of the mirror, seeing the proof of Even’s mouth, so when he hopped in the shower he edged himself to the memory, using the restraint he should’ve employed with Even. He came, loudly, luxuriously, while thirty minutes deep into whatever Even meant by “Maybe next time.” When he was done he wrapped himself in a towel, sat on the bed, and stared at nothing for an hour. What the fuck was he going to do now?

He knew he at least needed to start writing things down. There was too much going on in his head to make sense of one thing, so he had to write down what he knew, what he didn’t, and what he needed to ask in order to get the right answers. He also had to take into account _why_ he wanted to ask certain questions, thanks to Even’s observation, because those were answers in and of themselves. This was going to take some proper work.

Isak got dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants. He went out to the living room to turn on his laptop and open his notes. He named the file “Shopping List” and hid it among his housekeeping files: rental agreement, bills, statements, receipts. He even started writing out fake things to buy. When he got to “toilet paper,” he began his assessment.

Even was an attractive person. Isak was attracted to him. Isak was also drunk, but he wasn’t drunk all the time, so the attraction still stood. Despite saying, insisting, believing, “I don’t want that,” he, in fact, wanted it. He wanted to be physically intimate with him, both that first time and many more future times. The drinking _might_ have something to do with that. But those were the basic facts. Also a basic fact: Isak hated him. Not when his tongue was in his mouth or when he was on his knees, but literally every other interaction he’d had with Even was born from or led to annoyance, anger, and frustration. He’d been pissing off Isak from day one, when he was both drunk and sober. And these were _disruptive_ emotions and interactions, sending shockwaves through every other aspect of his life. Even caused trouble for Isak. Orgasms and trouble.

Writing down these basic facts for himself was a good starting point. He moved on to Even next, and what Isak knew about him. He was good at his job, and while it presented in very irritating ways, Isak did have to acknowledge that it was impressive work. Even merely lost some points on the execution. He knew that Even lived alone (and now he knew exactly where), and that he was single. What happened at his apartment happened between two single men. He also knew that it was something both of them wanted. Even’s _interest_ was also physical and sexual, at least for last night. It could have been as sudden an interest for him as it was for Isak, but what was important was that it was there. Even put Isak’s dick in his mouth. The cheeky hint at something more was said in the heat of the moment, so Isak had to disregard that for now. He just wanted the facts.

He didn’t think anyone else knew. He didn’t know who Even talked to, who his friends were or even the coworkers he was close with. He didn’t know if, as soon as he closed Even’s door behind him, Even had pulled out his phone to text someone that he’d just sucked off a journalist. But he could safely assume he hadn’t told any of Isak’s friends, because the group chat had been silent until Kari Anne’s check-in, and she didn’t seem to be aware of anything happening after she had stepped off the bus. And Isak knew he wanted to, needed to, keep it that way. Around three o’clock he opened up his work email and sent a very simple message to Even: _Nothing happened._ Aside from the fact that he didn’t have any other form of contact for Even, Isak was also hoping the medium helped the message. On the record, on an official and public channel, nothing happened.

About thirty minutes later he got a very simple response: _Okay._

Isak had to shut down his email before he could focus on anything else, to stop himself from drafting a wide variety of impulsive messages. He chastised himself out loud, telling the living room to “Focus on your notes. Get your story straight.” He went back to his shopping list.

What poured out though, were just questions. He’d exhausted his facts and moved on to the what-the-fuck of it all. Because, really: what the fuck. Is this his reaction to his break-up? Was he rebounding with a _dude_? He’d worked so hard to shut down his interest in other men, to focus only on Emma, and this was how he ended up acting as soon as he got a mere hint of interest? That’s not right.

It hadn’t—. He hadn’t—. What he’d done before, that was just stupid stuff. Experiments. Jonas was his best friend, and he just wanted to see what it was like. And then when that sort of silently imploded, he snuck out to the gay bar and tried it with someone else. But that just felt gross and wrong. And that should’ve been it. He had his answer. He wasn’t supposed to want guys. Most of what he’d seen since then supported that claim, too. When he started working at the newspaper, and digging through the reports and crime rates…that was the final straw. He was happy to be with Emma, safe with her. It was a good life, no question about it.

So why the fuck did he let Even blow it all up? Why didn’t Isak stop him? He wasn’t _gay_. He wasn’t _interested_. Sure, the blowjob was nice, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a dude who didn’t like a blowjob. A mouth is a mouth. This mouth just happened to be really good at licking and sucking and kissing and biting. Maybe it was just some weird coincidence, some shitty cosmic fuck up that sent this one dude to ruin his life and kiss it all better in a matter of weeks.

Isak threw his head back on the couch five times, trying to knock some sense into himself via cushion. Going around in circles thinking about what happened was frustrating but also…pointless. He’d told Even that _nothing_ had happened, so maybe that could be it. Why get all worked up about something when you could pretend it didn’t happen? He’d gotten his answer to his question about Even, and that’s all he really needed, right? He could move on. Even was still going to be an asshole about social media, annoyingly good at his job, and probably send subtle compliments via email. But that would be it. No kissing, no punching, no blowjobs. Just a horrible coworker. Every office had one. Okay.

Isak closed out of the shopping list. He hoped, now that he had settled on a future path for whatever the fuck that night had been, he could put it all behind him, and sleep would finally come. He put his laptop to the side and went back to his bed. He pulled the curtain over their one window to block out the already rising sun and slipped into the very center of the bed, completely covered in duvet. He shut his eyes.

And five minutes later he shoved his sweatpants past his hips, pulled out his dick, and furiously jerked off to the memory of Even’s mouth again. It got very hot very fast under the duvet, but Isak didn’t bother pushing it off in order to breathe. He just had to…he had to come again. He had to lose feeling in his legs and be overwhelmed by the tension in his groin. He had to stop thinking and succumb to all of it. He had to pant and moan into the striped cotton and pretend the damp fabric was the smooth, sweaty skin of a strong neck or flat chest. If he could have that, then maybe he could have sleep.

Of course, twenty minutes later, he was in his kitchen making eggs and his duvet cover was in the hamper along with his crusty boxer briefs. Fuck.

* * *

Kari Anne texted him after lunch, finally sending over the contact information for that guy with a room for rent.

_and if you’re feeling badass, I’m rounding everyone up to be at nine’s by six o’clock sharp. i’m going to drink what i missed out on yesterday._

_Maybe._

It really wasn’t a good idea, but Isak also wanted to drink some more and have a normal conversation with people who weren’t Even. Staying home meant he’d spent too much time alone in his apartment, in his own head. This was an invitation that sounded more appealing with every minute.

It also made Isak realize that having a roommate might not be a bad thing, for now. He was used to living with another person, and meeting someone who wasn’t a coworker or romantic interest would help him take a step back from it all. He could use a friend. So he searched for the guy’s apartment on the map, figured out that, with a short walk, it _was_ on the same bus line, just a couple stops further than his current one. He googled the dude’s name and stalked him a little bit on social media. He seemed harmless enough. He did video editing with stand-up comedy on the side. Or stand-up comedy with video editing on the side. Isak couldn’t tell for sure. But his apartment was clean and Isak actually laughed at a couple of jokes he’d posted on Instagram. “Could be worse,” he muttered to himself, as he opened up a new text message and pasted in the phone number. He remembered that he didn’t want to end up on Kari Anne’s couch, nor wasting money on short-term rentals. So he crafted a short introduction that he hoped didn’t sound too weird, and asked for a little more detail about the cost, shared spaces, and how many open mic nights he was obligated to attend as part of the sublet. It was a joke, but also a very, very genuine concern of Isak’s. He made a mental note to ask Kari Anne if she’d ever been dragged to one.

While he waited for a response, Isak opened his voice memos to see if there were any leads he could start working on there. He did have that conversation with Jakob that should be investigated, so Isak began research on the construction companies that were being contracted for the work, and the status of their permits. Isak had to do some surface level sniffing in order to find something suspicious enough for deeper work, and if he did find something, he would want to loop Jakob back into it so they were covering each other’s bases. Then Isak would have to build his pitch. The afternoon flew by with his new project taking up all of his attention.

When the work emails stopped pinging at their usual frequency, when he could sense the office starting to shut down for the weekend, Isak stood up and stretched. Technically he knew he was tired, but he was surprised he’d made it through the afternoon without finally falling asleep, and it almost felt like he was getting a second, or third, or fourth wind. He checked his phone for a reply from the guy but nothing had come back. He cringed at his own lame joke that he’d sent, and wondered if that had been a dealbreaker. But then he decided not to get too worked up over it. He’d give the guy the weekend to respond, just in case this was a particularly busy time for his kind of work, and also to not feel so desperate for his own housing situation. To help ease his mind, Isak decided to get dressed and head to the bar. He could grill Kari Anne some more on the dude and get feedback from Marius and Maja on apartment hunting slash roommate etiquette.

Isak took another shower just to help him wake up a bit, force his body into preparing for the rest of the day. He spent a strange ten minutes in front of his closet trying to pick out an outfit, since he’d never thought about what to wear to Nine’s before. They always went right from the office, which meant slightly formal attire, thoroughly wrinkled from a stressful day at the desk. Should he wear something similar, a button-up and jeans, so he’d fit in with his friends? Or should he go more casual since he obviously wasn’t coming from work? For a very brief moment, a flash, really, Isak wished Emma was here to help dress him. She would probably send him out in something way too fashionable for his comfort level, but at least the decision would be made.

Eventually he decided on a plain black t-shirt, khaki shorts, and a soft zip-up hoodie. In the small chance that he’d be stopped or at least sighted by another coworker, he wouldn’t be contradicting his need to work from home with the ability to look well-dressed for a Friday night out. The lack of effort he put into dressing matched the bags under his eyes and his uneven skin tone. He also did nothing to style his hair, but he managed to brush his teeth and give a little spritz of cologne, out of respect for whomever he would be sitting next to in the booth.

When he was on the bus, he looked up at Kari Anne’s stop, an unconscious habit triggered by the direction he was heading toward work. When he caught himself doing it he laughed, suddenly aware of how important she was to his daily life. It also made that friend-of-a-friend’s apartment all the more appealing, if it meant he could keep the same commute and catch Kari Anne in the mornings, or follow her lead home after the bar. With most of his life being turned upside down at the moment, he would really appreciate at least one thing staying the same.

Luckily, Thomas was back behind the bar, another rock Isak could lean on. He wasn’t sure if he was completely out of the woods with him yet, but he sauntered up to the bar with a confident smile, counting on that to help his argument.

“Casual Friday?” Thomas noted Isak’s outfit with a quick glance before automatically pulling a cider.

“Worked from home today.”

“Aww, and you still came all the way out to see me? I’m flattered.” He winked as he served Isak his pint glass.

“You know I can’t start my weekend without you.” Isak was smiling in earnest now, boosted by the faux flirtation. It felt good to be back among the people he knew. He took his first sip at the bar, then turned to head to their booth.

He shouldn’t have been surprised by what he saw. And he wasn’t, really. There was a hint of shock, but nothing that caused him to stutter his walk or drop his glass. The sight of Even certainly made something flare up in Isak, but this time wasn’t as bad as before. And he had the slight advantage of seeing Even before Even saw him; Even was deep in conversation with Kari Anne on one side of the booth, their heads bowed toward each other. Isak approached and managed to slide into the other side before either of them looked up.

Even’s face was expressionless when he turned it toward Isak. He gave Isak a small nod of acknowledgement. Kari Anne was much more enthusiastic with her greeting, her voice high and loose. “Hey there, badass.”

“Hey.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired, but okay. I honestly didn’t drink that much. Where’s everyone else?”

When Kari Anne said she was “rounding everyone up,” Isak thought she meant Marius and Maja, not Even. He didn’t say that out loud, but he didn’t exactly hide the disappointment in his voice either.

“Oh, Maja was on the phone with her mom when we left so she was going to leave as soon as she was done. And Marius is peeing. He’s already had two beers.”

Isak was relieved to have the promise of other people, other conversations, in his near future. He didn’t know if he could stand another evening with just this particular trio. He was also completely unprepared to see Even again, foolishly thinking he would have at least until Monday to come to terms with what happened. Luckily, Even remained silent while Kari Anne updated him on dumb stuff from work, including what she’d gotten from the cafeteria for lunch and who won Marius’s latest match of hallway football. It was not Marius. Isak drank his beer and pretended Kari Anne was the only other person in the booth.

Marius returned to the booth shortly after the updates, with two beers in hand. He nodded to Isak to move in on his side, so Isak shifted down. Marius delivered the second beer to Kari Anne, and she accepted it with a gleam in her eye. “We’re trying to catch up because I didn’t realize the drinking started on Thursdays now.”

“No, that was just me being stupid.” Isak tried to brush it off. He glanced at Even, now that he was sitting across from him. “It was a one-time thing.” Even met his gaze but didn’t react otherwise.

“Hey, I wasn’t complaining, just co-opting the excuse.”

Just then Maja ran up to the booth, almost missing their table entirely because of how fast she was going. She lined herself up next to Kari Anne and tried to catch her breath. “Guess what guess what guess what.”

“You’re pregnant? Oh my god! Congratulations!” Marius’s ridiculous answer made Kari Anne choke on the sip she was taking. He almost got drenched in spray, but Kari Anne’s cheeks ballooned up and she held it in.

“Ha, ha, Marius, that’s definitely just as funny as the ten other times you’ve done that.”

“Uh, obviously,” he drawled, gesturing at Kari Anne’s struggle to swallow.

“No, you stupid boy. I got _three_ cabin weekends!”

Kari Anne managed to swallow, and then scream with the next breath she took. “What?!!”

“Yes bitch! Three! I was talking with my mom and we basically planned out the rest of the summer and we can do one at the end of the month, one in July, and one in August.”

“Oh fuck yes!” Marius raised his arms like his team just scored a goal.

“Wait, wait, Maja, if you have three weekends, are you sure you want to have us stealing all of them? Maybe you should save them for yourself just to get away.”

“Shut uuuuupp, K. Count me in, Maja. Thank you for the invitation.” Marius raised his glass in a toast.

“Of course I’m inviting all of you. You know it’s boring as fuck up there on my own. Now move over.” It was Maja’s turn to nudge for a seat, and she chose Kari Anne’s side. This meant Even had to move all the way into the booth, and before Isak could protest, Even was next to him. He felt his knee under the table, and jerked his own away.

“Calm down,” Even muttered, the first thing he’d said all evening.

Isak bristled at Even’s comment, and quickly looked at his friends to see if anyone else had heard it, or noticed his reaction. He didn’t want anyone to suspect anything but the usual hatred between them, though, given a moment to think about it, his reaction was perfectly in line with that. He tried to push it all out of his head and get back to the discussion of the cabin.

Marius was already sending everyone calendar invitations for the first weekend. It was a mess of exclamation points and emojis. Isak’s phone vibrated on the table when he received it.

“I will send you a real invitation tomorrow. But we need to brainstorm and plan a bit better than last time, because I don’t want to spend the whole weekend figuring out who has to drive back into town for food and stuff. Oh, and everyone is pitching in for the rental car. I’m only getting so many weekends because my parents are going on trips of their own, so I won’t have a car to borrow.”

Everyone readily agreed to the terms. Isak noticed Even nodding too, and it hit him that Even was invited as well. Maja wouldn’t mention the cabin in front of all of them if they weren’t included, but Isak was still annoyed that he was adopted into their group so effortlessly. Of all of the coworkers he’d been chatting up over the past few weeks, why did Even have to become so attached to _them_? Had they given off some kind of vibe that they needed a fifth person to fill their booth? Isak was feeling so salty that he wanted to ask Maja to clarify that Even was invited, to subtly suggest he didn’t think Even _should_ be. But he also knew that Kari Anne would lean over and slap him for being so rude. So he kept quiet.

Instead, Kari Anne raised her left arm and wrapped it around Maja’s shoulders for a squeeze. “Thank you, baby. This is really nice of you, and I’m sure we’re all going to have a great time.”

Everyone started bouncing around ideas: things to do, meals to make, drinking games to play. They always did the same thing, swim during the day, lay out on the rocky shoreline, eat incredibly unhealthy food, and drink themselves to sleep sometime after midnight. But it was still nice to pretend they would do other things, pack the weekend full of activities. It was also a nice change for Isak, being able to think toward a relaxing vacation, instead of just his next lead and story. He couldn’t remember his last vacation, though it was probably something he’d coordinated with Emma’s work schedule, a few days spent in a European hotel room. Weekends at Maja’s family cabin were much less luxurious but much better for his mood, and he tried to think of things he could contribute in gratitude.

When Kari Anne started taking their daydreaming seriously and writing quick notes on what was being mentioned, Isak noticed that Even hadn’t said anything. He didn’t think it would’ve been appropriate for the newest guest to commandeer the trip, but Even’s silence also felt like a statement. He finally turned his head to get a good look.

Even was listening. He cradled his beer between his cupped palms but didn’t drink it. He just listened to his friends talking, his eyes bouncing from face to face. His mouth twitched a bit when he heard something funny or agreeable, but he didn’t laugh very easily. When he felt Isak’s eyes on him, he turned to meet them. “Yes?”

Isak had to swallow before he could speak. “You’re uncharacteristically quiet.”

He gave Isak half of a smile for this. “I’m tired. I was up late, answering emails.”

Isak blushed, knowing exactly which email Even was talking about. Or, if he wasn’t actually referencing it, the reminder of it still made heat flush his cheeks. He cut his eyes away, down to his cider, and decided to finish it all in a couple of gulps. When he was done he interrupted the discussion about cars that the table was having. “Have we ordered food yet?”

* * *

Marius and Isak went up to the bar to order food and get more drinks. Isak delivered fresh glasses to the girls and went back to the bar to wait for the food. Thomas was busy, so he wasn’t able to chat and distract Isak. He stared at the bottles again, remembering that this was exactly where he was only 24 hours ago. And now he felt like a different person.

He still had thousands, millions of questions, but he’d managed to dam them up. He didn’t need answers right then. If Even looked at him again, he might. Even was keeping his distance though, remaining at the booth. He was tempted to turn around and stare, see if anything changed from this perspective. He really could’ve used more time away from Even, time to forget how his body felt, time to dilute whatever power his eyes had when they were turned on Isak. But he couldn’t leave now. That would be admitting some kind of defeat. And Isak _had_ to maintain the upper hand with him. He couldn’t let it, whatever it was, get out of control. “Nothing,” he said to himself. It was nothing.

Isak carried back a plate of nachos, a plate of French fries, and a plate of chicken wings, with a level of skill he didn’t know he had. Marius, very much on his way to very drunk, pulled Isak’s head down and landed a wet kiss on his ear. Isak almost dropped a plate when he reflexively went to wipe away the unwanted touch.  
“Fuck, Marius!”

“Oh god no not the nachos!” The dramatics of the table ramped up in seconds. Everyone scrambled for the food. With his hands free, Isak dragged Marius out of the booth in order to reclaim his seat. They were probably drawing Thomas’s attention, but Isak’s loud laughter reassured anyone that it was just goodnatured roughhousing. Marius retaliated by launching himself back into the booth after Isak, pushing him hard enough to make him fall over the curve of the seat and bump into Even.

Isak’s laughter dissolved into an automatic, mumbled, “Sorry.”

Even pushed him upright, a firm hand on his shoulder. “You’re fine.”

When Isak looked back toward the food, his friends, he saw Kari Anne watching him. She raised her eyebrows, impressed by the civil exchange. Isak reinstated his scowl for Even. Maybe he _should_ punch him.

He changed the topic instead. He brought up his message to Kari Anne’s connection, asking for feedback on his next move. The responses were mixed, as they compared this one guy’s under-the-table subletting arrangement with agents, all of their past experiences being called upon. Even didn’t say anything, though by now Isak wasn’t surprised, nor did he care for his input anyway. He just watched him pull out his phone and text someone else, dealing with his own shit as if he were invisible to the rest of the booth.

Eventually they all agreed that giving the guy the weekend to respond was considerate. Isak wasn’t getting any pressure from Emma anyway. But Kari Anne made sure he didn’t lose his enthusiasm for the apartment hunt. “It’s great that you’re starting to firm up your options. Who knows what’s going to happen after Monday.”

“Is that when she comes back?” Maja, who had been somewhat of an outsider to the gossip, asked tentatively.

“Yeah.”

“Do you think she’s going to be mad?” Marius was more blunt with his curiosity, emphasized by how he shoved a nacho into his mouth around the question.

“No, I just don’t know if Beverly will be with her, or what direction things are going to go with. She said she’d give me time, and she still wants me to take some pictures with her, so she’s not going to like…kick me out. But I don’t know…I don’t know how much longer I want to be there anyway.”

Again, Kari Anne looked impressed.

Even was still typing.

Marius pivoted the conversation to roommate horror stories, mostly from his university years, and most of them involving sex. Isak had missed out on that lifestyle since he’d moved in so quickly with Emma, only experiencing it when he was visiting other people’s homes for parties. He always had a nice apartment to come home to, a woman welcoming him into her bed. Until recently, of course. But again, he was warming up to the change. He wouldn’t go so far as to want to recreate university life, but the unpredictability of a new person was nearly a selling point. 

Isak lasted through another two rounds of drinks and some more ambitious tapas, on Even’s recommendation. Then the alcohol and sleeplessness started to hit. He brought an elbow up to the table and propped his head up on his hand, angled in the general direction of Maja and Marius’s weird debate over the trade of his football club’s striker. He wasn’t really keeping up with the conversation.

The next thing he knew, Even’s hand was squeezing his thigh, with that same firm pressure from before. Isak couldn’t see him, but he heard his voice in his ear. “Are you okay?”

Isak was frozen. He didn’t want to move, lest he acknowledge Even’s hand, or worse, give him a reason to remove it. He couldn’t turn to face Even, but now he could sense how close he was, how he’d leaned in so he could display his concern in private. Isak didn’t know how to respond. But he was awake now, so very very alert.

Kari Anne provided the perfect interruption when she waved her hands in between Marius and Maja. Isak felt Even lean away, but his hand stayed in place. “I absolutely cannot take another minute of this talk without some nicotine. Can we please pick this up outside, where I can ignore you in favor of my cancer stick?”

Maja’s pretty giggle floated up. “Of course. Let’s go.”

The shuffle out of the booth began. It was later than their usual cigarette break, so everyone was realizing their cravings very suddenly. Even’s hand disappeared from Isak’s thigh, freeing him. He dropped his arm and watched him follow Kari Anne across the bench seat. “You don’t smoke.”

“I do not, but I’m ready to go home. This seems like a good time to leave.” He’d barely paused in his shuffle to explain. 

“W-wait.”

It wasn’t that Isak wanted to follow Even; it’s that he didn’t want to be left alone in the booth, surrounded by empty plates and glasses. Usually he would join his friends outside for the quick break, or go to the bathroom on his own. He didn’t know what he was going to do, but he wasn’t going to sit there like a loser.

“If you’re tired you should go home too.” Even threw the advice over his shoulder as he walked to the bar. Isak dodged the Friday night crowd to catch up to him.

“I’m fine. Fine.”

Even turned to face him while they waited for Thomas to free up. He leaned back against the bar as if he needed distance too, to get a good look at Isak. “You were about to fall asleep.” Isak didn’t have a snappy response to Even simply stating the truth. That didn’t stop him from trying to think of one though, and in the meantime Even twisted around to speak to Thomas.

The best Isak could come up with was, “It was completely your fault you know.” As soon as he said it he regretted it, because he knew Even was going to take credit for it, instead of be ashamed by the blame.

Even turned around and stepped close to Isak. “I know.” He looked at Isak for a beat, his gaze a firm touch like his hand.

Isak had to swallow. He had to glance down at Even’s lips, in case that’s where the next move was going to come from. And it did.

“Let’s go.” Even stepped closer and then around Isak.

“I have—“

“I paid. We’re all leaving.”

“What?” Isak followed Even as he walked briskly to the door. He both didn’t understand and couldn’t hear as the crowd parted for Even’s direct path.

Right outside the door Even stopped and turned back to Isak, almost making him bump into him. “The table will be cleared and occupied by the time they walk back in. They’ll give up on Nine’s pretty quickly, not willing to wait around for people to leave. They’ll either go out to another bar, taking the opportunity for another cigarette on the way, or they’ll decide to call it a night, especially after we leave, and plant the idea of going home in their heads. I paid so they won’t be too upset that they lost their table, and to make sure they don’t unleash their drunk and unwarranted frustrations on Thomas.” Even explained his thought process calmly and plainly, without his usual condescension or bravado. It was a lot for Isak to take in and there was a pause for comprehension. 

Then Isak let out the first thing that came to mind. “You think too much.” It was not his finest work.

But Even laughed. If he was going to say something back, he couldn’t, because just then more people tried to press through the door behind Isak, and they had to shuffle out of the way. Even recovered and walked toward their friends, who were grouped a bit of ways down the block.

“My booooooys!” Kari Anne threw her arms up when she caught sight of Even and Isak. Marius and Maja joined in, cheering them on for the mundane activity of leaving the bar. Even accepted the praise with a deep bow.

“I’ve come to say goodnight. Isak had the wonderful idea of going home, and I thought it was so appealing that I would do it too.”

Isak realized just then that he was too tired to refute Even’s story. He stood behind him in silence while Even said his goodbyes. They all gave him hugs, which seemed weird, but he supposed that’s what happened when you didn’t hate the guy’s guts. Isak did a round of hugs as well.

In her drunkenness, Kari Anne was still Kari Anne. “Get home safe,” she commanded into Isak’s shoulder. “No fighting.”

When he pulled away Isak smirked. “No promises.” That earned him a light smack on the arm, a true sendoff.

Even was waiting for him, a few paces away. Isak watched him warily as he approached, unsure of his intentions. But Even didn’t say anything; he just fell in step with Isak as he moved in the direction of the bus stop. They walked next to each other in silence. Isak watched the people around them, most of them drunk, most of them oblivious. He wondered what they looked like to whoever might see them.

They waited at the bus stop in silence too. Even was texting again, his head dropped and face lit up by his phone screen. Isak watched him, and listened to the nonsensical conversations around them. He was not as drunk as anyone else, but he was buzzed. Even must be pretty sober. Isak tried to remember if he’d drunk anything besides the one beer he’d had between his hands. He wished he were as sober as Even, just to be on a level playing field. At least he wasn’t blacking out, or lisping. But he still wanted to be alert and ready for whatever Even was going to try to pull now that they were alone again.

He didn’t pull anything though. He gestured for Isak to get on the bus first, when it arrived. It was crowded enough that they had to stand, but there was space. They shared a pole near the door. Isak relaxed. He looked out the window, pretending to watch the city rumble past. He shortened his focus to look at Even instead, and his faded features reflecting off of the night.

Even was tolerable like this, when he was quiet, just another body on the bus. Isak watched him and felt a moment of peace. The only tension he held was in his legs as he kept his balance, and it wasn’t something he had to think about. He let out a sigh and leaned toward the pole. Even noticed this and leaned in again. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Isak answered to Even’s reflection. Even followed his line of sight and figured out that he was being watched in the window. Isak didn’t see or hear Even chuckle, but he was close enough that he could feel the burst of breath near his ear. Even held his gaze in the glass.

“Hey.” They were rounding the last corner before Even’s stop.

“What?” Isak turned to face Even directly.

“Um.” His eyes flicked toward the door, then were back on Isak. “You know how nothing happened?”

Fear flushed Isak’s system; his body went rigid. It was similar to his reaction to Even’s hand in the booth, except instead of his dick getting hard, his balls shrunk up into his groin. He needed to swallow again but his throat had closed up. The best he could do was nod, to bid forth the bomb Even was about to explode in his face. He counted down the seconds with every deafening heartbeat.

“I think….” The door opened. “Nothing should happen…again. Now.”

Isak only had a moment to process what Even said before Even stepped off the bus. His body automatically moved after Even’s, but he held on to the pole. “What?!”

Even offered no clarification. He stood on the sidewalk and stared at Isak, possibly frozen himself.

“What?!” Isak demanded again, louder.

Even shook his head. “Nothing.” He began to turn away.

“Fuck.” The door was closing. Even was walking. Isak let go of the pole and shoved his shoulder through the shrinking exit. “Fuck,” he said again, louder.

For the second night in a row, Isak landed poorly on the concrete at Even’s bus stop.


	12. Sleep

Isak was laughing for two reasons: first, he was nervous, and second, Even was trying to rush unlocking all of the doors and kept messing up the key codes.

“Shut up,” Even muttered through gritted teeth.

“Why do you have so many doors anyway?”

The lock finally beeped happily. “To keep people like you out.” Even twisted the handle and leaned on the door to open it. Isak would’ve been offended if Even didn’t then hold the door for Isak to pass through, giving him access to his apartment. 

Isak sauntered in. “Works perfectly.”

“Why do I feel like telling you to shut up again isn’t going to change anything?” Even closed the door behind them and kicked off his shoes. Isak put a hand on the wall for balance and followed suit.

“You can certainly keep trying.”

“Let me try something else.”

Isak was caught by surprise. Even had taken his upper arm and spun him around, right into his chest. Isak grunted from the force and the shock of Even’s lips on his, pressing hard and not giving him a chance to breathe. Isak actually had to gasp when Even finally detached himself.

“Works perfectly,” he sang back in Isak’s face.

Isak laughed for real this time, surprisingly delighted by how well Even had turned his snark back on him. He didn’t usually appreciate his words being used against him, but it was different when it was by the guy pulling him up his stairs by the arm. This time it was allowed.

The door at the top of the stairs did not have a lock. Even opened it with ease and pulled Isak into the dark apartment. He didn’t turn on the lights, or even shut the door behind them. He simply moved Isak to the closest wall and leaned him against it. When his mouth hit Isak’s this time, it was a little softer, but not by much. Isak still grunted in response to the pressure on his mouth, against his chest, in his pants.

The thing about four flights of stairs was it gave Isak plenty of time to work up a boner. Even figured this out very quickly. He let the hand that had snaked up to Isak’s neck travel south, right into the waistband of Isak’s shorts. Isak opened his mouth to let his grunt turn into a moan and Even took advantage of that too. He was surprised to have a coherent thought just then, with someone else’s hand wrapped around his dick, but Isak thought about how thick Even’s mouth felt: how big his lips were and how heavy his tongue was, pressing, sliding against his own. It took effort and concentration in order to discover it, to make it open wider and to make it still in surrender. Isak put in the work.

An unknown number of minutes later, Even had to lean back and gasp for a breath. His hand was still in Isak’s pants, his fingers dancing around Isak’s cock as much as they could in the tight space, so he couldn’t detach himself completely. But he stepped back and Isak had a chance to place Even and his hand and his mouth in context of his apartment.

There was light coming from the stairwell next to them, and three dormer windows along the far wall. They were in Even’s kitchen. The walls and floors were white, and most of the fixtures were black, or a color dark enough to appear black this late at night. There were doors to the left and to the right. Even pulled Isak—by the dick—to the right. It actually felt kind of good, but Isak let out a sharp “Ow!” anyway. He scurried forward to reduce the pull on his privates, and then pressed his hands against Even’s back and shoulder to stop himself from falling into him. Isak wanted to laugh again.

Even opened the door to a mostly white bedroom. There was a grey accent wall and a mirrored closet door that reflected the dusky evening coming in through another dormer window. Isak tried to get a good look, to get more context, but Even moved too fast: the hand finally slipped out of Isak’s pants and pulled his arm again, wrenching him forward. Isak stumbled. The bed caught him on his hands and knees.

“Fuck you,” Isak grumbled as he inelegantly twisted to face Even. He stayed on the bed, not exactly upset with the location, just with how he was pushed onto it. Even didn’t seem to be listening to Isak’s gripe though, simply moving forward with whatever he had planned. He’d unbuttoned his jeans, then tugged his shirt over his head, then went back to his jeans, shoving down the zipper with an attractive amount of aggression. Isak watched Even’s bulge as he peeled away the denim. He leaned back on his hands, settling into the view.

“What the fuck are you doing? Get naked.”

Apparently it was not meant to just be a one-man show. Isak sat up and started undressing as well.

When Even was down to just his underwear, he paused to watch Isak in return. “Wow. I think that’s the first time you’ve ever listened to me.”

Isak stopped, his hips raised into the air and his shorts at his knees. He was scowling, but Even couldn’t see his face from where he was standing at the end of the bed. Isak pulled his shorts back up. “It’s also the last.”

Even’s laugh was loud and sharp. Isak fought his scowl, trying not to let it turn into a smile. His shorts now hovered indecisively at his thighs. The mattress dipped out from under him as Even added his weight to the bed. Isak stayed where he was and let his body be trapped by Even’s as he climbed over his limbs. Even hovered once he was eye-level.

“What do you want?” A beat of silence. The innocence of the question was held in Even’s open face.

Isak wasn’t ready for that question. He’d been expecting a kiss, for Even to climb all the way up and drop his body to Isak’s. Technically, in that moment, that’s what Isak wanted. But he couldn’t say that. I don’t want that. “What?”

“I figured I should ask you what you want this time, instead of doing whatever I want.”

“N-no. You…you can do whatever you want.” That was the easy answer. And Isak regretted it as soon as he said it,

A slow, sly smile curled up Even’s cheeks. There was another beat of silence. But then Even popped up, sitting back on Isak’s thighs. Isak pushed himself up to his elbows, uncomfortable with his surrender. “I don’t think you’re ready for that. But…we’ll compromise. I still want you naked.”

The undressing resumed. Even shimmied down Isak’s legs, taking the shorts with him. Isak watched Even’s dick wiggle in his briefs for a moment before snapping out of it and pulling his t-shirt up. He realized his hoodie was already gone, probably on the floor in Even’s kitchen. But it didn’t matter, not when Even was making his way back up to Isak’s lap and settling in, right above his dick. Isak only had one thought left in his brain, and it was how he could feel Even’s dick with his own, how he could feel hardness with hardness. There was less clothing between them now, and soon there could be absolutely nothing. Isak's hands reached for Even’s waistband.

“Are you okay?”

Isak looked up at Even’s face, mostly hidden in the shadow of his upright form and hair falling loose from its style. “What?”

“You’re shaking.” They both looked down at Isak’s hands, which had barely made it to the waistband. They hovered at the hem and were, in fact, shaking.

“I…I don’t know what to do.”

Even moved for him. He pulled his own briefs down over his hips, as far as his spread legs would allow. Then he shifted his weight from one knee to the other as he freed each leg and got rid of his underwear. It joined everything else that had made its way to the floor. His dick hung heavy in front of him, bobbing above Isak like a carrot on a stick.

But that’s not what Isak had meant. He knew how to take off underwear, he knew that that was the next logical step. Even went to work on Isak’s pair too, while his brain tried to reboot itself and his body waited. Even’s long fingers pressed into Isak’s skin, aided by the compression of the fabric, and dragged down. Isak’s hips rose. But no, that was not the problem. That was not why he was shaking.

It was a hunger. It was the freedom to be hungry. The hunger itself was thrilling, coursing through Isak’s body faster than the blood rushing to his dick, leaving every last muscle twitching with excitement. The freedom was unknown, and caused the pause. He could not control his hands because he didn’t know how. They had never been given this opportunity before, to reveal a man’s cock and touch it, skin on skin. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to do with his hunger.

Luckily Even didn’t take Isak’s hesitation for rejection. Or perhaps, even naked, he could read Isak as well as he had all those times before, and understood that just because he didn’t know what to do didn’t mean he didn’t want to. He moved a little slower, climbing back up Isak’s legs, and seemed to feel the weight of the next movement, the skin on skin. Even leaned forward and rested on his hands at Isak’s shoulders. They both looked down to their groins, to the long, red cock still hovering above Isak’s. There was barely any light between their bodies and soon there would be none.

“What I need you to not do, is come too fast.” Even’s command was low and hot in Isak’s face, and his words were immediately dismissed as the rest of his body went low and hot along with them. Isak rolled his eyes, his neck, when they made contact. He gasped.

Even’s first stroke was merely a graze, none of his weight settling on Isak. Still, that light touch nearly sent Isak over the edge. After his gasp Isak had to gulp for air. Even kept going.

He added weight and pressure. His hips kept a steady beat forward and back. He gyrated a bit, and then had to reach down to adjust their dicks. They had to be touching at all times, as if they were hands trying to be held. Pre-cum spilled out from them both, making the movement easier and harder at the same time. Isak arched his back in an attempt to escape and then his hips snapped up to fix that lapse in judgment. He didn’t actually want to go anywhere. This was perfect.

Even kissed him when he could, when he sensed Isak had a breath to spare for it. That was a slightly more familiar hunger that Isak could pick up on easily; he ate Even’s face. This was a necessary distraction from his dick as well, and proof he was listening to Even’s demand. Isak didn’t want to come too soon either. He thought about Even’s mouth, and his tongue, and how sharp his teeth were. He thought about Even’s thighs, flexing on either side of his, keeping him in place. He thought about how warm Even’s back was, and how his hands couldn’t keep up with every dip and arch. But he did his best.

They got sweaty with restraint. Isak felt the dampness along Even’s back; Even kissed the drops that beaded up on Isak’s chest. Isak had to finally say something. He had to gather a breath just to choke out, “Let me….”

“No.”

“Even,” Isak growled. He tried to squeeze his hand between their bodies. He was done with the teasing strokes.

“No, you’re not coming without me.” Even shoved Isak’s hand away, but also shifted his whole body up, sitting back on Isak’s thighs again.

Isak growled. So far this was not an improvement. Even pausing to look down at the torture he was causing actually made it worse. But then—oh. Even scooped Isak’s dick up from the sticky puddle it was flopping around in and squeezed. He lifted his thumb to gather his own dick with it, and then they were touching again with an even more perfect amount of pressure. Isak’s growl swiftly became another groan and he was right back on the edge again.

He wanted to watch what Even was doing. He wanted to see the…double handjob? Whatever it was, Isak wanted to see it. But all he could bear to do was feel it. He had to close his eyes the way you hold your breath before sinking underwater. His orgasm crashed over him with ease. His groan became: “Ehhhhhven.”

Isak’s cum shot up his chest, all the way up to where Even had been kissing. Isak didn’t quite register it in his bliss. He didn’t know when it started or if it ever ended, because Even was still stroking. In fact he was doing it faster now, a new kind of torture, as he was trying to catch up to Isak’s release.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

Isak should’ve opened his eyes. He wanted to. He wanted to see what Even looked like when he came, if he looked as angry as he sounded. He wanted to see his cock again, if it looked as beautiful as it felt when it was about to shoot. He wanted to see him come, just so it wasn’t something he would have to imagine. But the wave was still crashing, so he missed it. All he had was Even’s thighs clenching with incredible strength and more wet heat dripping onto his chest.

“Fuck fuck fuck.”

Isak was underwater, just him and his heartbeat. He couldn’t even gasp anymore. He sank swiftly into sleep.

* * *

Isak woke up to a sting, something sharp, on his right butt cheek. His eyes flew open and arm automatically reached out for the alarm clock on the bedside table. But it wasn’t an alarm clock, just a big plastic ball that didn’t tell the time. Only then did he realize he was not in his bed, nor in his apartment. He flopped onto his back like a naked fish in the bottom of a boat.

Even was standing at the edge of the bed, letting a damp hand towel dangle and untwist. That must’ve been the sting. Isak scrambled for the blanket to cover his nudity, and then let his indignation heard. “What the fuck?”

“You would not believe the shit I’ve been yelling at you to get you to wake up. Had to get physical.” Even tossed the towel onto Isak’s chest. It was warm. “Clean yourself up.”

“What?” Isak looked down.

“You were covered in cum when you fell asleep. Though I guess most of it transferred to my sheets.”

Isak lifted the towel to reveal a few crusty, milky stains. He wiped them away. He sat up and twisted around to see what damage he’d done to the bedding. Even watched him with a small smirk on his face.

Isak had to get his bearings. “What, um. What time is it?”

“Almost eleven. I need to go see a friend, so you need to leave.” Even held out his hand for the towel, which Isak slowly returned to him. Isak noticed then that Even was freshly showered and dressed, looking the exact opposite of how Isak felt. “I would offer you a shower and breakfast and shit but I’ve literally been trying to wake you up since nine.”

There was too much information flashing through his mind. He’d fallen asleep at Even’s. He’d stayed the night in his bed. He’d _slept_ with him. _Covered in his cum_. Isak was about to ask a question when Even started chucking his clothes at him. “Please, Isak. I don’t want to be late.” Even left his room, shutting the door behind him.

Isak’s new priority was getting dressed. He was grateful that Even was giving him privacy, so he hopped out of bed and threw on yesterday’s outfit. The sun was streaming in through the window and Isak checked himself out in the mirrored closet door. He ran his hands through his untamable curls and wiped away the drool that had dried at the edge of his mouth. That was drool, right? It had to be; Isak felt like he would’ve remembered if he’d let Even come on his face. And he remembered it all. That was flashing through his mind at a dizzying pace as well.

He gave himself a minute to look around Even’s room, now that he had light. It was sparsely decorated, but still felt warm, and the bed had been nice enough to give Isak a ridiculously deep sleep. He had an armchair and an ottoman under the window, plus an end table that turned it into a nook. He thought it said a lot about Even that the chair was not covered in clothes, a rest stop between the closet and the washing machine. He was tempted to open the closet and see just how organized everything was, but he didn’t want to get caught snooping. There was a wood sideboard that ran along the wall with the door. There was a trio of succulents on one end and a tray on the other, where Even’s phone, keys, and wallet waited for him. The bedside tables were the most cluttered of anything in the room, if Isak could call it that. The one he’d slept next to only had the plastic ball, which Isak could now tell was one of those novelty toys, an oversized billiard ball. The other one had the alarm clock he’d been looking for, a tissue box, a paperback book splayed open to hold its page, a coffee mug that held an assortment of pens, and a leather-bound notebook. Isak was tempted to open that too.

Even came back into the bedroom just then, cutting his curiosity short. “Are you ready?” He scooped up his phone, wallet, and keys, shoving them into various pockets of his jeans.

“Do you keep a diary?” Isak pointed to the table.

Even just rolled his eyes. “This is why you need to leave.”

Isak snorted, but followed Even out of the bedroom. “You definitely keep a diary.”

“Not everyone can post their deepest secrets on twitter.”

It was a classic dig at this point, a running gag, but Isak tried to brush it off anyway. “Wouldn’t know, I don’t have an account.”

“My typewriter is still available to you, if you have the urge to share anything,” Even threw over his shoulder with a smile.

Isak had mindlessly followed Even to his fridge, where Even pulled out a bottle of water.

“I truly do not have any food to offer you, except like…cheese.” Even stepped to the side and presented his empty fridge to Isak. Isak was taken aback by the genuine attempt at hospitality.

“Oh, um, no, that’s okay. I’ll just grab something on my way home.” Even handed him the bottle of water. “Thanks.”

“I may be kicking you out, but I’m not a complete asshole.”

“That remains to be seen.”

“Get the fuck out of here.” Even shoved Isak toward the door to the stairs, but he was smiling. It made Isak want to laugh, again, a bubble in his chest and a smile about to burst.

They ambled down the stairs, and Isak tried to take in more of the apartment details with a clearer mind. He read more of the messages on the door while they put on their shoes. Even tapped the light switch as Isak reached for the door.

“Wait.”

Isak turned around in the dark. Even’s hand was at his neck, pulling him close. He gave him a slow, open kiss that ended just as Isak’s eyes were fluttering shut. “Thanks for nothing,” Even breathed.

* * *

They had parted ways on the sidewalk without another word. Even headed toward the bus stop and Isak walked home. As soon as Even was out of sight, Isak banished him from his head. He didn’t even get breakfast like he said he would. He went right home, took a quick shower, and climbed into bed. Physically and mentally he was still tired. He knew he needed to catch up on sleep before he could begin to untangle whatever his life had become.

Isak woke up again around dinnertime, thanks to his stomach. Since he had two meals to catch up on, he made boxed macaroni and cheese and ate the whole pot in one sitting. Less satisfying was his attempt to find something to watch on TV; he spent the whole pot changing channels every twenty seconds. By the time he deposited the pot in the sink and ran some water over the remaining orange cheese sauce, he was feeling anxious, unsettled. And now he had enough energy to stay up all night letting his mind run wild.

He was about to open his laptop in the living room, in search of a new distraction, when he noticed the absence of his phone; it had been silent this whole time. He went to his room to check it and found it dead, never plugged in when he got home that morning, possibly dead since the night before. Clearly this shit with Even was so disruptive Isak was letting his main communication line go unanswered for a record length of time. He shook his head while he plugged in his phone, then went to fetch his laptop and bring it to bed. At least it was the weekend.

The group chat had been quite active as planning for their first cabin trip was in full swing. Isak scrolled back and skimmed, keeping an eye out for direct orders and ignoring the rest. Toward the end Kari Anne was talking about a different group text, and then the conversation faded out. Isak went to check his other messages.

The apartment guy had gotten back to him in three short replies: _Hey man!_ then _Sorry I get busy at the end of the week. Didn’t mean to ignore you!_ and then _I’m home all day tomorrow if you want to come by to check out the place._ Isak looked at the time stamps and was relieved; he’d only just messaged him a couple hours ago. Isak thought about Sunday, if there was anything he needed to do for work or prepare for Emma’s return, but nothing urgent stood out. He’d done a lot of packing already, and he still didn’t know what to expect when she was going to walk back in through their door.

He sent a casual reply: _That’d be great, just let me know what time works for you and I’ll be there._ Moments later he had a date for Sunday afternoon.

Isak went back to his messages and found a new group text, the one his friends had been talking about. It was just them though, and one new person. There weren’t any clues to who it was, because the only message was from Marius: _ok added isak_

**Isak**: What is this?

**Kari Anne**, being her reliable and prompt self: group chat with even so we can plan our trip in one place.

**Isak**: Did I miss anything?

**Kari Anne**: not yet.

**Even**: Hi Isak

**Isak**: Shut up.

Isak begrudgingly added even’s name to his contacts. Then he edited it to include a poop emoji. Then he erased it all and just called him “Shithead.” It pleased him greatly…but only for a moment. Because now he realized Even had firmly returned to his consciousness, only about ten hours after he’d been banished. And he was taking over in full force. Isak could feel his dick plumping up underneath his laptop. “Fucking hell.”

He lifted his laptop to adjust his dick, shoving a pillow over it as if he could suffocate it. He tried to focus on his screen then, tried to open his work email to find out what else he’d missed during his nap, but he went to the shopping list instead. The “shopping list.” Clearly they weren’t done. Nothing was still happening. But he needed rules.

This was still very much a secret. Even seemed to be playing along. Publicly they could still be sworn enemies, and the frustration that Isak felt toward him was well-established. He could freely tell him to fuck off whenever he’d like and no one would think it strange. The consecutive visits to Even’s apartment would be a surprise, to say the least, so those would remain a secret.

Picking up where he’d left off on the list, he reconsidered how this rebound was going to play out. Was he going to insist that the last two evenings were the extent of the experience, or was he going to trip over himself at the next invitation to the apartment? The fact that he wasn’t immediately putting and end to it seemed to be his answer. So this was going to be an ongoing secret. It would be a specific one though: absolutely nothing happening at work, or at Isak’s apartment. Even masturbating to Even felt weird (good, but weird) in a place he still shared with someone else. He wouldn’t say it felt like cheating, but he should at least completely separate himself from Emma before moving on to his next…adventure.

Which this was not! An adventure…or anything! It was…it was…technical difficulties. A stumble, a mistake, interrupting a program. Isak tried to define it in the list, typing out everything he considered the antithesis to a relationship. Unfortunately it was more that a regrettable one-night stand, on a technicality, but he’d try to keep it at that end of the spectrum as much as possible. It’s just a thing. A break. In court he’d plead temporary insanity.

Isak typed: _crazy good_

Then he typed, very slowly, with thirty seconds and a space between each letter: _c o c k_

Then he typed it again, faster: _cock_

He thought about it. He saw it. It was hidden in shadows still, but he’d felt how long and hot and wet it had been, how hard it was against his own. Isak’s semi pushed up against the pillow in response. He typed the word again.

This was thrilling too, just reading the word on the screen and knowing his fingers had created it. Had he ever typed the word before? Had he ever felt _cock_ with his whole being? He still hadn’t touched Even’s with his hands—both Even and his own fear hadn’t let him—but as he typed the word yet again he thought he knew what it was like. And now all he wanted to do was see if he was correct. There was that hunger again.

One more time, for good measure: _cock_

Isak closed his mouth and swallowed the saliva that had pooled around his tongue. He couldn’t deny how turned on he was, but he was going to chalk this up to everything being new. A new kiss, a new touch, a new body. It was more adrenaline than attraction, and he was sure it would die down eventually. He’d go back to normal soon.

To balance out the list he wrote: _cunt_

He’d written that word before, in texts to Emma. He’d spit it out during sex. It was an old word, a comfortable word, and held no thrill. 

Isak added another line: _Even is a cunt._

The thrill returned.

* * *

Somehow Isak had managed to fall back asleep that night at a decent hour, so he was well-rested on Sunday morning. He made himself a leisurely breakfast and did some cleaning. He organized the boxes he’d packed up so they weren’t in the way when Emma returned, and confirmed her flight schedule. _I won’t be able to pick you up at the airport._

_Wasn’t expecting you to! I’ll see you after work._

Isak checked his bank account to get a good idea of where his finances were, and what he could afford. He didn’t know how far this meeting was going to go, if he was just looking at the place or if he was going to have to negotiate right then in order to secure it. He didn’t want to think too hard about the meeting, but he also didn’t want to be caught off guard. He also didn’t quite understand why he felt like this was his only option, like he had to make it work or else he’d be in trouble. Of course there were other apartments out there, all of those listings that Kari Anne had curated. If he didn’t like this place, he could move on to the next. Maybe it was because this had come through Kari Anne as a personal recommendation. He wanted to impress the friend-of-a-friend. More importantly he didn’t want to let Kari Anne down.

Isak took a shower and got dressed. He had a slightly easier time figuring out an outfit, focusing more on the warm weather than the potential roommate he needed to impress. Apparently he cared, just not too much. He mapped out the address again and decided to walk instead of waiting for a short bus ride. He could use the exercise and the distance, the physical movement away from Even’s apartment. He left his own place with enough time to arrive ten minutes early.

The building was a warm peach color, and stood out on a block of off-white and tan. While he knew the buildings in this neighborhood were old, they’d been outfitted with new windows and doors and a fancy security system. He looked up at the camera when he buzzed the second-floor apartment number, letting it confirm his identity and unlock the door.

He didn’t mean to think about Even just then, but the guy seemed to slip in whenever his brain was idle. As Isak climbed the single staircase, he thought about Even’s attic apartment and how much work it took to get up to it. Isak was surprised when he’d made it to the door faster than he was used to. He knocked. The door opened almost immediately.

“Hey, man. You’re Isak?”

Isak nodded, and shook the offered hand.

“Elias. Welcome to…uh…where the magic happens.” Elias pulled the door wide so Isak could step in.


	13. Kiss

He agreed to four months. Elias showed him around the apartment, which was smaller than the one he had with Emma even though there were two bedrooms, and chatted for about thirty minutes on the couch. After they’d gone through their jobs and families and social lives, sussing out how they lived beyond the apartment, Elias casually asked, “So, are you down?” And in that moment Isak couldn’t think of a reason to say no, so he didn’t. He’d move in right after he would return from their cabin trip. He called Kari Anne as soon as he left the building.

“I’m moving in with Elias.”

“What?! Wait, for real?”

“Yeah.” Isak was breathless for no good reason. He ran a hand through his hair and started pacing on the sidewalk.

“Um, wow. That was fast. Didn’t you _just_ text him on like…Friday? Have you even looked at anything else?”

“No.”

“Isak.” He heard the worry in her voice.

“I don’t know…it just felt like the right thing to do. The rent is good, and the place is really clean, like _really_ clean, and Elias seems like a chill guy. And now I have a place lined up for next month.”

“I’m glad you at least saw the apartment but still…I can’t believe you’re impulse subletting.”

“Yeah, well, it’s done. It’s one less thing to worry about.” Isak let out an exhale he didn’t know he’d been holding. He continued to pace.

“God, Isak…I…I have to go, I have a dinner thing, but I want to get all of the details and really understand what you’ve just signed up for.” Kari Anne was probably pacing as well.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry this is so sudden. I think he’s a good guy though, and we talked for a long time, and even if it is a nightmare I can always just find somewhere else.” Unfortunately the first thing that popped into his head when he said that was Even’s bedroom, which was so ridiculous that Isak mouthed _What the fuck?_ at the peach wall in front of him.

“Okay, well I’ll call you later tonight. Or maybe we’ll just talk at work tomorrow?”

“Yes, whatever works. Thanks.”

It helped, a little bit, calling Kari Anne. Just knowing she was there and was going to hold his hand through this impulse calmed him down enough to start walking home. He also wanted to get in front of his computer so he could write down a recap of what just happened, lay out all of the information he’d just taken in in a very short period of time. Then, when he would next be able to talk to Kari Anne, he’d have all the details he would need to convince her it was a good idea.

* * *

Monday was busy, almost frustratingly so. Isak didn’t even have time to worry about what the office would feel like with Even there, and their very recent history. Instead he was still wrapped up in an Elias whirlwind and multiple sources coming in to complicate the stories he was chasing. He spent most of the morning in a phone room, and was only rescued when Kari Anne hunted him down. She mimed a trip to the cafeteria through the small window and then waited until he hung up.

“Start from the top,” Kari Anne demanded as they approached the elevator.

“Um. Okay. Friday I texted him, you remember that, right? Saturday he responded and said I could visit on Sunday to see the place. So I did. I walked over, but it is just a couple more stops on our bus. It’s nice, up-to-date, very clean—.“

“Yeah, you mentioned that. Like…weirdly clean?”

Isak thought for a moment. “No, just…cleaner than I would’ve expected two dudes our age to be. You’ve seen Marius’s apartment.”

“Yeah, but that’s Marius and his university friends. Elias seems a little more grown up, from what I’ve heard.”

“And he is, I think. He’s trying to break out as a stand-up comedian, but most of his time is spent on these other hustles: he works for a few clubs and theatres doing technical stuff, has a podcast, and a bunch of like, gig work. He said something about dancing, or dancers too. But uh, because of this, his week is pretty heavily weighted toward the end, through Saturday night. He has the boys over on Saturday, and then Sundays he keeps empty for sleeping, which was why he was able to show me the place.”

“You like it?” They stepped off the elevator and moved through the lunch crowd in the cafeteria. Isak paused his report while they collected food.

He finally answered her at the registers. “It’s decent. The photos were pretty accurate. His roommate, his friend, is already moved out, actually, so I saw the—my—room empty. It’s small, but like…I’m just me. I don’t really need a lot of room to sleep, you know?”

“Sure.”

They paid and carried their food to a nearby table. Isak didn’t want to be stuck in another phone room if he could help it.

“Um, so…my room is like, on one end of the apartment, then there’s the living room and kitchen, though it’s pretty much just one room, and his bedroom is on the other side with the bathroom. So we have a little bit of privacy, I guess. And he said he doesn’t really use the living room unless his friends are over. He showed me his room, which has a really nice set-up for all of his editing and the podcast stuff. And uh…yeah.” Isak tried to map out the apartment with his hands, but he couldn’t tell if it made sense. He’s on the second floor, and there’s a tiny balcony thing in the kitchen. Like, you can open the doors and just have a nice breeze. He doesn’t smoke or anything, but he does drink.”

“What about his friends?”

“Some do, some don’t. Most of them are Muslim, so. Oh! But the dancers. Two of them are dancers, and that’s how Elias is involved: he shoots their videos for them.”

“Are they going to be dancing in the living room?”

Isak shrugged. “We actually didn’t talk much about his friends individually. They’re just ‘the boys.’ Mostly it was about his work and his family, who he’s really close to. His best friend, Yousef, married his sister, Sana, and they have their own place now. He moved out…very fast.”

Kari Anne snorted.

“But in general he seems like a nice, chill guy. He said we could figure out a routine for chores, and I could use his dishes and stuff as long as I cleaned up after myself. I’d get half of the storage in the kitchen. And I’m welcome to share whatever food his mom sends him home with after his visits.”

“That’s sweet.”

“Rent is manageable too. Less than what I was paying with Emma. Obviously for less space, but I feel like his mom’s food will make up for it.”

Kari Anne smiled and visibly relaxed. “Okay, well if you’re able to make jokes about it then I…feel better about the whole thing. I’d still like to see whatever written agreement you’ll be part of, even if it’s he’s completely handling the lease.”

“Yeah, I asked him to email it to me, but he said he had to find it first, or ask his mom.”

“I have a sneaking suspicion I know why his place was so clean.”

They ate rather quickly, both of them needing to get back to their desks, and their immediate concerns reduced. Kari Anne offered her help with moving on Monday as they were walking back to the bullpen, but Isak declined. He did have a request for the group chat though.

**Isak:** What’s the deal with the car for this weekend?

**Maja:** I’m picking it up on Friday at lunch and putting it in the garage. We’ll meet down there after work and drive out ASAP.

**Isak:** How long are you renting it for?

**Maja:** I was going to return it Monday morning on my way to the office.

**Isak:** Can I steal it (and you?) for a few extra hours? I’m moving apartments on Monday.

**Marius:** WHAT

**Isak:** You wouldn’t have to do any heavy lifting, just drive and park. I think I’m mostly just taking clothes and stuff; no furniture. I’ll pay extra

**Maja:** Let me see if I can take off that morning.

**Even:** Where are you moving to?

**Isak:** I found a room nearby.

**Kari Anne:** ahem.

**Isak:** Kari Anne found a room for me nearby. So Maja, you wouldn’t have to drive far. I just want to be able to only do one trip and get it over with.

**Even:** If you need any extra help, I’m already taking off on Monday

**Isak:** Not from you.

Isak had snuck a glance into Even’s office after lunch, spending no more than two seconds watching Even’s profile while he did whatever he did on his computer. He was tempted to look again after shutting him down in the chat, but resisted. He actually had his own work to do, in addition to requesting Monday off, and he needed to be making significant progress before another weekend wiped him out.

* * *

Isak briefly forgot that Emma was coming home until he was already on the bus. His brain instantly wiped out as soon as he remembered, immediately forgetting everything _else_ that had been innocently floating around as he mentally transitioned away from the office. Her arrival was cause for alarm, which itself was surprising. Had he forgotten her so completely that her reappearance, even as an ex-girlfriend, was so stunning? This was disconcerting. He was actually nervous as he approached his apartment, unsure of what exactly he was walking toward.

But it was just like any other Monday. Isak trudged through the door, weary from the workday, and was casually greeted from the kitchen by Emma. “Hey, baby.”

Isak let his bag slide from his shoulder, hit the floor, and slump against the wall. “Hey.” He walked to the kitchen.

It was just like any other Monday. Emma was in a white tee and thin cotton shorts, her legs pretzeled up on the chair she was sitting in, while she picked at the toppings on a slice of pizza. “Do you want me to put your slices in the oven?” She smiled at him. She waited while he stammered through an awkward moment. He was too distracted observing how happy she looked to actually answer her question. “It’s still kind of warm, but….”

“This…this is fine, thanks.” Isak walked up to the table, still watching her. “How are you?”

“Fine, thanks.”

“Your trip?”

“Isak, sit down.” He sat down. Emma served him a slice, onto a place setting he hadn’t noticed. “New York was nice. Got a lot of work done and also had a lot of fun. Do you want anything to drink?”

Another moment passed while he tried to focus on the conversation Emma was attempting to carry. “No.”

“Okay, well. Let’s eat. I thought, if you don’t have work to do tonight, we could watch a movie together. I finished my books, so….”

Then, Isak couldn’t hold back. “Didn’t we break up?”

Emma’s smile finally dropped. “Yes.”

“What’s going on?”

She let out a heavy sigh. “We can still be friends, right? We’re having dinner. We still live together. I thought it would be nice to do something together that we used to do a lot, because we won’t really have the chance, soon.” Isak must’ve still had a confused look on his face, because Emma continued. “I still enjoy your company, Isak. There’s no reason for us to make the next few weeks difficult for each other.”

“One.”

“What?”

“One week. I move out next Monday.”

Now it was time for Emma to be shocked. “Oh, but you asked—“

“Yeah, I just didn’t know how fast I would find a place.”

Her voice went small. “Okay.”

Now Isak felt like he should apologize, which was absurd. But Emma truly seemed to deflate at his news. “I…I can pay rent into July, if you need it.” He rambled. “I just didn’t want to get kicked out before I could find a place, and I didn’t know if you were expecting—if Beverly was going to move in with you or…or if you wanted to leave too and break the lease.”

Emma waved a hand. Her nails were bright red, freshly done. “No, this is fine. I can handle it. I was just prepared to do whatever you needed, give you time, like you proposed. We could get the photos I wanted while we were still hanging out.”

As much as he didn’t know what to expect from Emma, he’d clearly braced himself for the worst. So her kindness and interest in his life, while not extraordinary, was still a shock to him, especially compared to their texts and emails.. His slice of pizza remained uneaten as he processed what she thought their relationship was going to be like for the next week. “Okay. Um. Yeah, we can watch a movie.”

* * *

Emma found a teen romantic comedy on Netflix to watch. She said she’d read the books and was finally ready to start the movies.

“There’s more than one?” Isak asked as he walked back into the living room. He’d been sent to the bedroom to change into a specific set of pajamas, and fetch their duvet. They used to cuddle under it during movie nights, and Emma wanted to take a picture of this…event, in the same style. She wanted consistency.

“The second one just came out, but I wanted to read all three books before I did any of the movies.”

“Oh, so you know how it all ends?”

“I know how the books end. The movies might be different.”

“No happily ever after?” Isak flicked the duvet out above where Emma was sitting, letting it fall as elegantly as possible over her bottom half. She raised her arms and fluffed it into a cloud around her legs. She needed the warmth of the cover more than him, since she had put him in plaid pants and a black tee, but she also arranged half of the duvet for his use next to her. She pressed play on the movie while he tucked himself in comfortably.

After so many years together, they knew how to watch movies with each other. Emma provided some detail from the books, nothing spoiling the plot, but a bit of context to characters that prevented them from having to pause for a brief review before continuing. She knew Isak liked to be well-informed when it came to love stories, no matter how light and silly they might be. He wanted to know how things were developing, and didn’t want to miss anything that might be contributing to a couple kissing on a football field. So they sat close, leaning in, eyes on the television and brief conversations whispered into the air.

By the end, Isak was satisfied. With the movie. It was a simple enough story, obvious, and he felt rewarded for rooting for the right guy. But after the credits faded out and Netflix returned to the menu on its own, Isak was still stuck on the couch, eyes on the television. Emma was quiet next to him. Then she whispered into the air. “I’m sorry.”

Isak shifted upright to get a better look at her face. “What?”

“About Beverly.”

He shrugged. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he wanted to accept her apology, or be angry, or be anything about it. So he went the practical route, focusing only on Emma’s decision to start another relationship, regardless of him. “I don’t think you should be, or…I don’t think you are. Not if you’re happy.” He wasn’t accepting her apology, he was rejecting its very essence.

She understood. “Fine. Then I’m sorry for…for cheating, and starting something new behind your back. I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Again, he shrugged. He had to think, for a moment, if that was true, if he’d been hurt. He had been angry, he knew that. But he wasn’t really mad at Emma. Whenever he tried to call up some painful emotion, every outburst was tied to Even, not her. “We would’ve broken up anyway, so at least this was quick.” The timing had turned out to be ideal, with Emma hopping on a plane the next day. He had ripped off the bandaid and then didn’t have to look at the festering wound for two weeks. He’d had plenty of distractions in the meantime, so looking at Emma now…things almost felt completely healed over. She’d been right, they could be friends. He didn’t hold his hurt against her.

“You think so?”

“Why else would you have started something with Beverly? We weren’t going to last much longer.”

“But…what if there had been no Beverly?”

Now, perhaps, he was getting angry. “Emma, what are you doing? What’s the point of that hypothetical?”

“I don’t know, I just…want to talk it out. Understand what happened.”

“Since when did we ever talk things out like this?”

“We used to.”

“Okay, well. Maybe that’s the problem. We don’t anymore.” Isak didn’t want to get angry. He turned away to face the television again. He tugged on the duvet and tucked it tighter around himself. “Let’s just move on.”

Emma was quiet again. The next movie in the series had popped up on the screen, an obvious suggestion. “Do you want to watch another one? Or should we go to bed?” When she asked, her voice was timid, unsure herself of which option would be best for them.

Isak huffed. As tired as he’d been earlier, he wasn’t in the mood to go to bed. “We can watch the next one. There's only two, right?”

“Just two. Three books, but only two movies so far.”

“But didn’t she just figure out who she loves? They kissed.” Maybe he was angry at the movie now.

“It wouldn’t be a teen romance if there weren’t a few more hurdles.”

Isak huffed again. Emma clicked play, and they both settled back into their movie-watching positions.

He wasn’t as invested in this one, as he was the first. He just wanted to get to the end of the movie to confirm that his first choice was still the right one, that he wasn’t spending hours invested in the wrong relationship. About halfway through Emma laughed, and Isak looked over to see what it was, since nothing on screen had been a joke.

“You look so serious.”

Isak tried to relax his face. He almost smiled.

“Hold on.” She paused the movie and leaned forward to pick up her phone from the coffee table. “You also look cute. I’m going to take a photo of movie night.”

“Is this one of our….” He wanted to say contractually obligated, per her email request. But after the awkward conversation they’d had, he didn’t want to bring up the terms of their break-up again.

“If it’s good enough, yeah, I’ll want to post it. I should probably start telling that story.” Emma stood up and started arranging the set. She turned on a floor lamp behind Isak, then rearranged the duvet over him, pulling it down in certain spots to reveal his pajamas and tucking it up to emphasize comfort. Isak asked for direction for the rest of his body. “Can you do that sweet face? Where you’re not really smiling, just…waiting. Like you’re waiting for me to join you.”

Isak didn’t know what that was, or how it would exactly translate to his facial muscles. He tried to remember other times, other photos, when he’d been a calm background boyfriend, still hopeful for whatever Emma would bring into their lives. He looked up at her. He almost laughed at the concentration playing out on her face. “This is why you’re the model, not me.”

“Wait, I think I got it.” She hopped onto the couch, knees first, leaning into Isak to show him the photo. “You mostly look sad, but when you were talking it got better.”

His mouth was slightly open, mid-sentence. But it did look natural, and certainly lighter than when he was just staring at her. Talking through a photo seemed to be the equivalent of adding a single exclamation point to an email, to soften it. “I’m not used to being the only one in the photo.”

“Yeah, I was debating whether it should be both of us, but that might be a little too couple-y right now. Like we need to get used to seeing us apart, and then you as someone else. On your own.”

It made him uncomfortable, talking about their relationship, even in its future state. He couldn’t tell if this meant he was apathetic to the whole thing, or if he had too many feelings about it to begin processing any of them at all. In that moment he just craved comfort, the ease of being together and not having to acknowledge it.

Emma was still leaning against him, editing the photo. She was close, and warm, and she smelled familiar. He watched her do what she always did. He watched her style and shape him into someone she was proud of, someone she loved. He looked at her profile, at the slope of her nose and round but strong jaw. He pressed a gentle kiss into the softness of her cheek, which made her smile and pause.

Isak didn’t know what he was doing, just like he didn’t know what he was feeling. But he did like the weight of Emma against him, the texture of her skin. He was confused by how much he seemed to miss it, so much that he wanted to kiss her and not stop. He pressed his lips to her jaw.

“Isak.” Emma pulled her shoulder up as a buffer, and then pulled her upper body away.

Now he was angry. Isak whipped off the duvet and stood up. He paced in front of the television, pressing the heels of his palms to his forehead. “Shit shit fuck. Sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“It’s okay, Isak.”

“No, it’s not.”

Emma was silent. Maybe she agreed. He heard her put her phone back down on the table, so he stopped to look at her. She let out a low chuckle, nerves rather than humor. “I thought you didn’t want to kiss me anymore.”

Isak let out a frustrated yell, just a loud sound, that made Emma flinch. He wanted to say yes and no at the same time, a single word. He wanted to ask her to solve the conflict chasing itself in circles in his brain, even though he knew that she was part of it. All he could do was look at Emma and silently beg for…something.

She clapped. “Okay. Whatever. New rule: no kissing. Simple as that. I don’t want to kiss you. I don’t want to be kissed by you. And when we broke up two weeks ago that was the end of the kissing. Whatever…_that_ was,”—Emma pointed at her cheek—“you won’t get it from me anymore.”

Isak roared again.

“Isak.”

“Fine! Yes, of course. Fine. I’m not kissing you.”

“Correct.”

Isak stomped away, his anger at himself propelling him to the bedroom. He didn’t care about the movie anymore.

* * *

Emma finished the movie and went through her usual nighttime routine. Isak was still awake when she came into the room, finally ready for bed. She brought the duvet with her and tossed it across Isak’s supine form, letting him figure it out. Then she climbed in on her side.

There was enough space for them to sleep separately, comfortably. That’s how they had been lately, anyway. Instead of curling away onto her side though, Emma propped up her pillows so she could sit. “I haven’t posted the photo yet. Do you want to see it?”

Isak rolled toward her. “Sure.”

He didn’t care about the photos, not now, and he wondered if he ever did. Probably. Emma asked him this, most of the time, gave him the power over his image, even when it was in service of her own. But he didn’t ever care enough to demand that she didn’t post something. He must’ve thought he was being kind, or generous, loving her by way of promoting her. Now he thought different.

She showed him her phone, where the photo was edited and a simple caption was waiting below it. _Movie night with Isak._ No terms of endearment, no _baby_, no hashtags ready to define them as a couple or in love or on a date. The photo was fine. His name was fine. He noticed she didn’t use his handle. He didn’t really use his instagram account, but deciding to not link to it, dead as it was, was still a statement. No kissing, no tagging.

“It’s fine. A little late to be posting this though, eh?” He was aware of her usual schedule, how she aimed for peak engagement hours, after spending many dinners discussing captions with her. As soon as he asked the question though, he knew the answer. He was being phased out, so she didn’t necessarily need all of the attention on his posts anymore.

Emma echoed him: “It’s fine.” She gave him a moment to change his mind, letting her thumb hover. Then she posted it. The beginning of the end, according to social media.

She tapped over to her notifications almost immediately, ready for the first wave to come in. Isak watched. He recognized some of the names, again, just from being in Emma’s orbit over the years. And, of course, he saw Even’s name, recognizing his avatar from the screenshots that Kari Anne had sent him. He caught himself before he said, “That was fast,” out loud.

They watched the notifications refresh in silence. Once Emma was satisfied with the rate, the kinds of loving comments and emojis being posted in response, she clicked her screen off. The room went dark.

* * *

Tuesday was just as busy as Monday. Isak didn’t have to shut himself away in a phone room though; he had enough freedom to stay at his desk and bounce around between stories. Jakob came by his cubicle to talk some more about the construction. The permits were checking out, but they were both set on finding some sort of connection that was causing the delays. Someone had to be profiting off of this kind of slow work, and Isak also wanted to start interviewing whoever was getting saddled with that cost.

He chewed over the scope of this project while he got a sandwich for lunch, and then forced himself to switch back to his drug ring. Another name had been dropped—or rather, another alias—and he was trying to figure out if it was worth hunting another guy down. He wasn’t interested in an endless low-level network; he wanted to start climbing. He just didn’t have enough fingers pointing in a single direction to start moving that way.

Throughout all of this, Isak was keeping an eye on his inbox, keeping it manageable. He fielded a couple of emails from Even asking for copy approval, and Isak answered quickly enough to not stir up drama. He simply didn’t have time to start shit. Apparently though, Even did. Another email came in close to the end of the day, and it didn’t have Even’s generic request format. There was no subject line, just a quick message.

_I have to send an important meeting invitation to the Chief, but I’ve been having trouble with my calendar. Can I just send you a test to see if it works? It’s nothing._

Isak read it immediately, five, maybe ten times. He snuck a peek over his monitor at Even’s office, but the door was closed. Then came the calendar invitation. It was blank, no subject or location, just the date and time: Wednesday, kl. 20 – 22. 

Isak’s mouse hovered. He read the email again. Then he went back to his calendar. One more glance over his monitor. He held his breath. He clicked _Accept_.


	14. Hat

Isak was 99% sure he knew what the calendar invitation meant. There was 1% of his mind that thought he was overreacting, that it literally was just a test of their technology from Even. Sending something to the Chief was still a difficult thing to do, an opportunity to fail in front of him, fuck everything up in a single click. He’d sent many emails to Kari Anne for her to proofread, and Even could’ve been doing the same thing, just asking for reassurance.

But he’d said it was _nothing_, which, now, meant _something_. And the timing implied that something was to happen outside of work. There were no other details to leave a paper trail, which meant it was _that_ kind of invitation. If it were about the Chief, he could’ve added a location, set it during the work day, or even sent it to his own assistant to test. But no, it went to Isak, and Isak already knew where the meeting was supposed to take place.

He went over these arguments while he walked to Even’s apartment. They’d left work at separate times, not acknowledging each other at any point during the day. This oddly made Isak more excited, or at least more on edge, about the evening. Per usual, Even was disrupting his day through something as small as a calendar meeting. But he wrapped up his work at a decent hour, took the bus home to an empty apartment, and made a quick dinner. He wasn’t hungry, but he needed to eat just to pass the time. A text came in from Emma while he ate, a quick note to let him know she would be out late. He didn’t ask for any details, nor did he respond with any sort of “me too” comment. He still wasn’t sure what was going to happen, even though whatever it was was promised to last until 22. But Emma’s text was added motivation to actually go to Even’s: if she could go out, he could too. Nothing bound them together anymore, except the apartment they shared.

Isak finished his dinner, took a quick shower, and changed into shorts and a t-shirt. He tried to fluff, or fix his hair in the mirror, but gave up and shoved a snapback on instead. He didn’t wear them as much as he used to, but he liked how it shaded his face right now. He could walk into the evening anonymously, like any other guy. And he knew the route to Even’s well enough now that he could do it with his eyes lowered to the ground. He went the whole way reading the sidewalk and convincing himself this is what Even wanted: him.

Even was outside his apartment when Isak approached. He was in joggers and a t-shirt, much more casual than how Isak was used to seeing him. He was on a phone call, turning around in slow circles. He didn’t notice Isak until he was close enough for Isak to listen in; when he did he smiled wide. He reached out and flicked at the brim of Isak’s hat. “Hey, I have to go. My delivery is here. … Yeah, man, thanks. Chat soon.” While he signed off with whoever was on the other line, Even took out his keys and opened the door. He held it open and gestured for Isak to walk in. Isak entered the vestibule.

“Who was that?”

Even walked around him to lead the way through the locked doors. “No one.”

“Really? A fake phone call?”

“No, dumbass. Just none of your business. I had to do something while I was waiting.”

“I’m not late.”

“I didn’t know if you were going to show up at all. I might have been too subtle.”

“It was fine. I’m not as dense as you think I am.”

Even paused halfway up the steps of whichever staircase they were on. Isak almost kept walking right into his ass. Even was twisted and staring down at him.

“What?”

“I don’t think you’re dense.”

All Isak could think to do in response was shove Even’s ass away from him. Even seemed to be prepared for that kind of reaction, so he merely wobbled slightly before regaining his footing.

“Still a dick, though,” he muttered, loud enough for the hallway to hear. Isak would’ve shoved him again if he weren’t skipping up the steps at a much faster pace now.

They climbed the stairs and unlocked the doors and made it to the privacy of Even’s apartment. For that last flight up Even took his hand. He didn’t have to lead Isak, but Isak let him. That’s why he was here, after all: to touch Even. The hand would do until he could have more.

The lights were already on, of course, because Even had been home. Isak saw the remnants of a dinner left out on the counter. The door to whatever was to the left of the kitchen was open, but he couldn’t tell what was beyond it.

“Do you want anything to drink? Or eat?” Even dropped Isak’s hand and offered up his kitchen with a wave.

“No. Thank you. I ate.”

Even just stood there for a moment, watching Isak. It made him uncomfortable, because he didn’t know what Even wanted right then. He felt like he needed to fill the silence, but he didn’t know what this silence wanted either. So he just stood there and watched Even in return. He could match the challenge, for sure.

Even smirked. “That hat looks cute on you.”

Isak swiped it off his head. This made Even laugh. Isak slapped the hat onto Even’s head, messing up his precious hair. It didn’t shut him up though. Even pulled the bill down lower over his face, leaning into it.

“Were you trying to be incognito? Heading to your anonymous hook-up?” Even stuck his tongue between his teeth. Isak wanted to bite it off. He moved in and whipped the hat off of Even’s head.

“Fuck off. My hair was weird. And now yours is too.”

“Put it back on, then.” Even wrestled the hat out of Isak’s hands and then slid it onto Isak’s head backward. As he pushed it down he leaned in close enough to kiss Isak. The slide with the hat automatically tipped Isak’s face toward him, and their mouths met in one of the smoothest moves Isak had ever witnessed. He couldn’t help but smile into it.

Even must’ve let go of the hat, because his hands were on Isak’s back, all ten fingers running down and pulling him in at the waist. He let out a small hum of satisfaction. Isak agreed. It was a nice kiss, a nice closeness, something he’d been craving but wasn’t sure from whom. Maybe he’d found it, in Even, at least for tonight. He held Even at his shoulders and opened his mouth for him. He did not bite his tongue.

The rush and fevered speed of their previous two meetings at Even’s apartment was less pronounced now. They were still eager, mouthing at each other’s skin and pulling at each other when their bodies stupidly moved apart, but the goal of finishing wasn’t quite as necessary now. They knew their passion was going to escalate and explode, so they didn’t have to rush to find out if it would happen. It would, it definitely would, so they could take their time getting there.

They shuffled in a circle just kissing and grabbing, until Even stopped them. They took a breath. Isak looked at his flushed cheeks and wet lips and heaving chest. His hair was definitely weird now, but that was probably from Isak’s hands.

“Have…have you ever sucked a dick before?”

Isak huffed out a laugh, in shock. “What?”

“A blowjob. Have you ever given one?” Even’s eyes were searching. Isak couldn’t meet them.

“Um, no.”

“Do you want to give one?”

Isak inadvertently looked at Even’s crotch, as he was avoiding Even’s question. He knew he was hard, had felt it, but it looked obscene, jutting out from his sweatpants. Still, it made his own dick swell. He let out the truth with almost a sigh. “Yes.” Then he quickly followed up. “But I’ve never—I don’t—“

“It’s fine.” Now Even was rushing. He took Isak’s hand again and practically jogged to his bedroom. In there he had to turn on the lights and the brightness, too, was obscene. Even noticed Isak’s flinch. “I want you to be able to see what you’re doing.”

“Thanks. Really sets the mood.” Isak was starting to get nervous the more they talked about it, and Even must’ve noticed. The lights stayed on, but Even pulled Isak to him again and kissed. They went back to just kissing and running their hands where they’d like. It helped relax Isak to the point where he didn’t even notice Even tugging his shirt up into his armpits, and he had to stop for further instruction.

“Off. All of it.” They undressed in sync, making a pile of cotton on the floor.

Isak let himself look, at a body he didn’t think he would be attracted to, but most definitely was. He let himself touch: Even’s waist, down to his thighs, back around to Even’s ass. He’d been so focused on Even’s dick he’d forgotten about his other assets. His cheeks were soft, relaxed, in his palms. Isak was tempted to start kneading.

“Can…can we go to the chair?” Even drew Isak’s face up to his, needing to see how he responded to the question entirely. _Can we proceed?_

“Yes.” Isak let go of the buns.

Even moved fast again. He pulled a throw from the back of the chair and folded it into a small pillow for the floor. Isak got nervous again watching him prepare, the way you watch a dentist lowering sharp metal tools into your open mouth. Except this was going to be a long, hard cock. No amount of Even’s preparedness would make him feel completely calm about it.

Even sat in the chair and spread his legs. If he weren’t completely nude, his erection waving at Isak from his lower belly, he would’ve looked like the Chief when he was in a meeting that he didn’t care to be in at all. Even, exuding relaxed authority, pointed to the blanket. _Kneel_.

Isak had to swallow his fear and the saliva making his mouth thick. He stepped forward. He had to say something. “You look like the Chief.”

Even recoiled as much as he could in the chair. “What the fuck.”

“The—the way you’re sitting. That’s how he sits at the conference table.”

Even shook his head and tried readjusting his posture. He kept his legs spread. “Please do not…never say that again.

He didn’t want to. Mixing the two worlds, inviting the work, the office, into the…whatever he was doing with Even, was precisely what he was trying to avoid. But he was so scared that it came out like a reflex. He referenced the office because he needed a familiar touch point to carry him all the way forward, to get between Even’s knees.

“Down.” The command came with that same relaxed authority, but Isak kept his mouth shut this time. He dropped to his knees. He placed his palms on Even’s thighs to steady himself. Even had moved forward so his butt was at the edge of the chair, his spine slouched. Isak could get closer without the furniture getting in the way. It took him a few moments to do just that. He had to focus on Even’s legs, how skinny they were, without tension or support. They were smooth, with sparse light hair only starting closer to his knees and moving down.

When Even spoke next, his voice was softer. “Can I teach you?”

Isak looked at the dick, now bobbing on the waves of Even’s breathing. Then he looked up at Even. “You have to.”

“Yes, but…will you listen?”

“What the fuck?” Isak gripped Even’s thighs in his mixture of confusion and anger.

“Well…it’s not exactly your favorite pastime, especially with me. I want to put my dick in your mouth but I’m not going to do it unless I know you’re going to listen to what I say. It’s a legitimate concern.” 

Isak could tell Even was trying to suppress a smile as he tried to reason through his request. He wanted to grip Even’s cock and give it an uncomfortable tug, since his most vulnerable body part was there for the opportunity, but he paused. He hadn’t touched Even’s dick yet.

The room got quiet. The air got quiet. Even leaned forward and drew Isak up. He kissed his nerves away, again. Isak listened. “Just touch me, please. Start with your hands. And then kiss me. Everywhere.” Even’s voice was low and desperate. He kept kissing Isak but he was conflicted. If he wanted Isak to touch him he would have to lean back. But then he couldn’t touch Isak. Isak had to take control. He touched Even, first on his shoulders, pushing him back into the chair. He let his hands stay on his body, moving across nipples that poked at his palms, belly rolls that Isak thought were cute. And then he went for it: his grip was light but sure, starting in Even’s pubes and cradling his shaft and running all the way to the tip.

He couldn’t even begin to process how it felt; he just wanted to do it again and again and again. So he did. Even was shuddering under his touch, as every stroke came with more intention. Isak had to orient himself with the new angle, facing a dick head on instead of looking down at it, but he figured out what was comfortable for his wrist and what made Even let out heavy breaths of encouragement.

“Oh fuck, yes. Like that. Ah. Pull…pull the skin back. And squeeze. Ahhh.”

Isak had to watch Even’s cock, had to focus on it. He didn’t quite trust his hand movements on this new body part yet. He depended on listening to Even’s instructions and labored breathing, and got some added guidance when Even started leaking at the tip. That was good. Isak ran his thumb across the tip, thrilling at that very small but significant response. He could do this. He could make Even come. He could make Even beg for his life.

Even whined when Isak let go. But Isak had to observe, just for a minute. Even’s cock was flushed a deep red, the skin tight with length and a hint of shine. It twitched in the air, blindly hunting for Isak’s fingers. Even’s hips jerked up in an attempt to reconnect.

“It’s so…long.” Isak hadn’t seen many cocks, especially recently, but he still had his own to compare it to.

“Please Isak. Don’t be afraid of it.”

“I’m not afraid!” Now he had to tear his eyes away to rebuke Even. “I just know that the human mouth was not intended to fit…all of that.”

“You don’t have to fit all of it. And it’s skinny. It’s a good beginner dick. I…I’m really sensitive at the head, so you don’t need to get a lot in to make me come.”

“Like this?” Isak’s hand resumed its circular shape and sent another squeeze up to the tip. Even’s yelp was incredibly satisfying. He noticed his own dick in the shadow of his legs pulse in agreement. “But for the record, you’re the worst cock-sucking tutor i’ve ever had.”

“I’m the _only_ cock-sucking tutor you’ll ever have. I also will not unleash you into the general dick public until you have mastered the art. Now get back to fucking work.”

Making Even angry, or at least frustrated, got Isak excited. It was fun learning the ways to get Even worked up, now adding sexual teasing to his arsenal, but he wasn’t going to reveal that to him. Still, it made Isak bolder, ready to take the next step, learn a new lesson in torture. He held Even’s cock still at the base and sat up. He dropped a single, light kiss on the wet head. His free hand had to dive into his own lap to grip his dick, touch for touch. Even moaned for more.

“Ah...again.”

Isak’s next kiss was a bit more open, lips pressing harder against the flesh. Then he let his tongue sneak out for a taste. It didn’t taste like anything, or at least wasn’t objectionable. He did it again. Even sounded like he was about to cry.

What little brain power he had left he used to think about his own dick, think about what he liked. He tried not to bring Emma’s mouth into it, focusing more on how he used his hands when he was alone. He found the exact spot that Even said was sensitive with his thumb, and then he used his tongue on it too. He opened wide and breathed on his cock, teasing, but also estimating the fit and figuring out what to do with his teeth. He figured out how rough he could handle it, before Even’s whimpers turned into objections. He kissed down its length, apologizing in advance to what wouldn’t fit.

“Isak, mouth. Please.” Even’s hands moved from the arms of the chair to Isak’s head, but he didn’t dare grip his hair. Isak had complete control for this first time, which he was grateful for. There was still a bit of him that was skittish, ready to abandon ship the moment he fucked up.

But eventually even the teasing got to Isak himself. He finally eased another kiss into an open mouth, taking Even’s whole head onto his tongue. He got far enough in to reach Even’s spot and tried to close his lips around it. Even hissed at the teeth. Isak opened his jaw. Even actually cried. Isak's mouth wasn’t used to this extension and he was disappointed in how sore he was getting, so quickly. He soldiered on though, getting better at sealing his lips and adding some suction. He could look up just enough to see Even’s fingers gripping the chair, his knuckles white. Any further and it changed the angle, and he didn’t want to risk that. He kept Even right there under a consistent touch. Once he felt confident in that, he reintroduced his tongue.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, Isak I’m going to come. Isak—“ Even shot up, the rolls of his belly flattening into flexed abdominal muscles. He touched Isak finally, one hand in his curls, pushing his head off of his dick. Isak was still sucking, so there was an audible pop. Even pulled his dick straight up, pumped once, and aimed his orgasm away.

Isak finally got to see Even come. He saw the wrinkles in his balls and the pulsing vein at the base. He saw the red cock get painted in pearly cum and weep with every exhale. It made his dick hurt, his own orgasm barely contained. In a feat of rare athleticism, Isak jumped up and straddled the chair, resting his knees on the arms. Even, despite being in the throes of pleasure, managed to support his ass from below. Or maybe he just had to, because his arms were now trapped and his dick about to be crushed by another man’s butt. Isak was not about to figure out those details though, as he was only a few strokes away from coming. Nothing but those nipples in front of him mattered right now. Isak aimed.

He didn’t know if he blacked out or simply closed his eyes and shut out anything that wasn’t the absolute pleasure of getting off with Even. But everything was dark, and the first thing to permeate it was Even rumbling his name into his chest. “Isak, Isak, Isak.” Even’s breathing had slowed, but his breath was still hot against Isak’s skin. Isak had a hand planted on Even’s shoulder, and the other on the back of the chair, where the throw had been. “Isak….”

“Hmm.”

“Stand up. Bed.”

It was a struggle for both of them to find their legs, to trust them. They stumbled and grabbed for each other, and made it far enough that they could fall and stop worrying. They kissed whatever skin was in front of them. Slowly they rearranged themselves.

“You’re a good student,” Even mumbled against Isak’s neck. It was further muffled by the pillows they were properly resting against. “Thank you for listening.”

“It was good?”

Even’s “Fuck yes,” came with a small bite. It tickled. The tingle at Isak’s neck joined the one from Even’s hand, which was running up and down his opposite side. It felt like Even wanted to pull him in closer but couldn’t choose which part of him to grip to do so. The hand moved to his belly, then down his groin, cupping over his semi-aroused dick.

Isak gyrated up into the palm, then had a moment of clarity. “Ung, don’t get me started. I have to go.”

“No you don’t.” Even hooked his right leg across Isak’s knees. Another kiss to his neck sealed his trap. “The invitation was until ten. Or later.”

Even’s hand, Even’s everything, was making a very convincing argument to stay, at least for another round. But Isak was afraid of what that would become. He didn’t want to fall asleep and stay overnight again, and he was already struggling with just the…cuddling they were already doing. The only thing keeping him awake was the brightness of the room. He had to get up. “I…I need to check my phone.”

Isak not-so-gently tossed Even away and crawled toward the end of the bed where the clothes had been removed. He leaned off the edge and reached for his shorts. He’d only been there for about thirty minutes and wasn’t expecting urgent messages from anyone, but it seemed like a legitimate excuse to clear his head for his next decision.

“Holy shit.” There wasn’t anything in his work email, or from Emma, but one of his group chats was blowing up. Isak scrambled to his feet. Even crawled forward to kneel at the end of the bed where Isak had just been.

**Maja:** EMERGENCY

**Kari Anne:** WHAT

**Maja:** Please don’t kill me.

**Kari Anne:** WHAAAAAT

**Maja:** Ida is coming with us to the cabin.

“Ida is coming with us to the cabin.”

“Who is Ida?”

“Oh fuck.” Isak realized his mistake in revealing Marius’s secret just as it clicked for Even.

“Wait, _Ida_ Ida? Our human resources representative?”

“Fuck fuck fuck.”

**Kari Anne:** MAJA WHAT HOWWW

**Maja:** Marius asked if she could come and I couldn’t say no!

**Kari Anne:** YES YOU COULD HAVE

**Karie Anne:** no.

**Kari Anne:** see? just like that.

Isak squeezed his eyes shut. He tried to focus.

**Isak:** So does this mean Marius is ready to go public with their relationship? He does know that Even is going to be there, right? Weren’t we supposed to not let Ida know that we know?

“Isak, what’s going on? What are they saying?” Even was still kneeling so he couldn’t see Isak’s phone over his shoulder, but he put his hands on him to get him to turn around. Isak did, while he waited for Maja to type.

He looked at Even and took a deep breath. “Nothing that happens here goes public.” He rolled his eyes, realizing that that word backfired on them already. “I mean, _anything_ that happens here is a secret between you and me. Cone of silence. Cone of blindness.”

Even hesitated, but then he nodded, agreeing to the terms.

“Marius is dating Ida, has been for like, a month I think. Maybe longer. We’re not supposed to know.”

“But she’s coming to the cabin?”

“Apparently.” Isak checked his phone.

**Maja:** I didn’t ask him, but it must be fine with him.

**Kari Anne:** you are overestimating him. get clear terms on what this means for both him and ida. he’s exposing both of them to four of their coworkers, one of which we’ve only known for a short period of time.

Isak smirked at Kari Anne’s hint of distrust for Even.

**Isak:** More importantly, do you have enough room in the car for an extra person? Does she pack heavy? And does that mean I’m kicked out of Marius’s room? Or are we doing a boys and girls thing?

“What are you saying?” Even tugged on Isak’s wrist.

“I asked about the car, and about sleeping arrangements. Wait, where are you sleeping?”

Even shrugged. “Maja just said I would have a bed and to not worry about it. Are there not enough beds?”

“There are only two rooms. Usually I sleep with Marius in one and Maja and Kari Anne sleep in the other. I don’t know where she’s going to fit two extra people.”

Maja was typing. Isak stared at his phone. Even inched to the very end of the bed and kissed Isak’s chest.

“I mean, I can sleep anywhere. But it definitely sounds like you’re going to get kicked out of Marius’s room.”

Isak dropped his head back and yelled at the ceiling. “Can the world just stop kicking me out of places?” He tossed his phone at the pillows, then dove after it, practically knocking Even out of the way, when he remembered he was waiting for Maja’s response.

**Maja:** God I didn’t even think about any of this stuff before saying yes.

“Obviously.”

**Kari Anne:** it’s okay, we can work through it.

**Maja:** I don’t think it would be very nice to invite Ida for the weekend and then force her to sleep in a room with us girls. Isak, I think that means you’re kicked out of Marius’s room. Sorry. I thought I would put Even in the living room on an air mattress. We also have a camping cot, or you can just sleep on the couch? I’m so sorry, but…half of the time we end up sleeping in the living room anyway, right? And the car we’re getting has a third row, so we can shove Marius and Ida in the back. Trunk space will be limited, so maybe instead of shopping in the city we just do it when we’re out there and unloaded. And it’s just two days, where our main outfits are swimsuits, so maybe we can all just pack really light.

**Kari Anne:** i am so not ready to wear my bikini in front of IDA

**Maja:** I’m sorrrrrrry I panicked and didn’t want to be rude.

**Kari Anne:** no, maja, it’s fine. i probably would’ve done the same thing.

**Isak:** No you wouldn’t have.

**Kari Anne:** Okay, Isak is right, but it doesn’t matter at this point.

Even had crawled up behind Isak, again desperate for information. He draped his body across Isak’s back. Isak had no choice but to relay the update.

“Oh good, you’re sleeping with me.” Since Isak couldn’t see Even’s face, Even had to wiggle his hips instead of his eyebrows to convey why he was excited.

“I am very much _not_ doing that, holy shit.” Isak wormed his way out from under Even. He shut off his screen before a wiggling body part sent a text to the group. Even chased after him, and they did a weird wrestling dance across the duvet.

“You seemed to really like it last time, so why not?”

“Last time was a fucking accident. You…you knocked me unconscious.”

“You’re fucking welcome for that, by the way.” Even managed to twist Isak around and pin his hips with his hands. Isak did not wiggle away. “Want to do it again?”

“I’m not sleeping with you.” Not now. Not at the cabin. Not ever again.

“Fine. After this I will set you free.”

Even bit his hip and then licked at the red marks. Isak watched Even’s head move across his groin, his messy hair tickling a path, teasing around his dick. He wasn’t hard, but the mood of the room had finally shifted away from the imminent disaster that would be the cabin. Isak could hear his phone buzzing somewhere as Maja continued to freak out and Kari Anne talked her down. He no longer cared.

* * *

Even kept him at his apartment until close to midnight. He’d convinced Isak to give him another blowjob, though not much convincing was actually needed. It took him a longer time to come, and Isak’s jaw started to hurt more, but he was paid well for his services. Twice.

Satisfied and oddly refreshed, walking home in the soft night, Isak was surprised to realize he was proud of what he did. He’d sucked a dick. He’d enjoyed sucking one, and he’d been successful at it. There was room for improvement, but for his first time it was a great accomplishment. Even had reassured him of that. He wasn’t about to trust every single thing Even said now—a blowjob wasn’t going to change their relationship completely—but he could take those orgasms at face value. He had to wipe jizz off his chin, so he was at least doing something right. He carried his pride home like a kid who had just aced a school exam.

Isak’s little high lasted until he turned down his block, and realized that Emma was approaching their door. The sidewalk was completely empty except for her. The sight of another human being popped his bubble. But still, he jogged to catch up, then announced himself. “Emma!”

She turned and looked confused.

“It’s me.”

“Isak?” She was tilting her head. He realized it was because she was trying to see under the brim of his hat. His face must’ve been in shadow.

“Oh, sorry.” He pulled off the hat and shook out his hair.

“God, that was creepy. Hi. I didn’t realize you were out. Did you get my text?”

“Yeah.”

Emma turned back to the door and finished unlocking it. They went upstairs in silence. Inside their apartment, while they kicked off their shoes, Isak’s curiosity finally reared its head. “Were you with Beverly?”

Emma froze, but answered honestly. “Yes.”

He could tell she was afraid of how he was going to respond. “I just wondered.” He did his best to shrug off his own interest, or any ill intentions. “Didn’t know if it was a work thing or like…a date.”

“Oh. Well, sort of both. We had dinner with our agent, and then went off on our own.”

“Does your agent know about you?” Emma’s agent was Liv. He didn’t know why he didn’t use her name.

“You mean about me and Beverly?”

Isak nodded. They walked to their bedroom together.

“She does now. I told her about my social media plans too, with you. Said it was smart. So, thanks for playing along.”

Isak nodded again. He may have been confused about things, and still was, but he did know that it was still easy to be with Emma. He could still do what she wanted. And he didn’t exactly want to lose that. He wasn’t interested in the minute details of his ex’s new relationship, but he was still interested in Emma as a person. It was even easier, now, that he wasn’t expected to love her. He just had to be a friend.

She seemed to pick up on this, on how Isak was reaching out with this small conversation. She gave him a smile while she went to their closet for a t-shirt. “And where were you? I didn’t get a text about you being out late.”

“Um…I just had dinner with Marius after work. And then we had to watch a football game. You know how he is.” Isak started stripping, hoping the movement would disguise however the lie sounded in his voice. He tossed his clothes in the hamper and went to the bathroom.

Back under bright lights, Isak got a good look at his body. He slid his boxers off and scanned himself for the marks Even had been making all evening. Nothing looked too obvious, or at least couldn’t be explained away by a punch from Marius. He’d have to hide his hips and butt from Emma, but that wasn’t too difficult at this point. Neither of them were going to walk around with their bits hanging out anymore, and he would have to start wearing pajamas anyway, with his new roommate. Isak turned around and started the shower, getting ready to scrub the rest of Even from his skin.

Halfway through his shampoo he heard the door open.

“Just brushing my teeth,” Emma yelled over the curtain.

He rinsed his head and wiped suds from his eyes. “Did I tell you about this weekend?”

A foamy grunt came back. He took it as a no.

“I’m going to Maja’s cabin with everyone. We leave after work on Friday. Back late on Sunday night.”

Another grunt that sounded more like an “Okay.”

He talked through his body wash, neck down to his feet, until he heard the faucet turn off. “I’m glad I packed up most of my stuff already. I’m going to borrow Maja’s car, and will load it up on Monday morning. If you want, you can go through the boxes and see if there’s anything you would rather keep. The new place is pretty well furnished. And I think I’ll just buy new sheets.”

“Um, Isak?”

“Yeah?” He popped his head out around the side of the curtain.

“Where’d you really go tonight?” She was smiling. She knew he was lying.

Still, he tried: “M-Marius. A bar.”

“Isak. You have _never_ showered after a night with Marius. You would always crawl into bed smelling like beer and grease and cigarettes. Did you…did you go out with someone? Did you find someone new to kiss?” Emma lunged for the curtain. Isak stumbled backward but didn’t let go of the plastic. He had to keep his body covered.

“Emma!”

She respected his privacy though. Or at least his body. She let him hide in the shower but didn’t stop hounding him. “Isak, you so did. You’re washing someone else off of you right now. Oh my godddd.”

“Emma!” He shut off the water. “Shut up. Give me my towel.”

“Of course you found someone. And that’s why you were wearing your hat! You never wear your hats. You shady motherfucker.”

Isak sighed. He wondered if he should just admit it. Not _who_ he was kissing, but that Emma was right: he was kissing someone. A chill ran through him, now that he was standing naked and wet. “Towel, please.”

“Say I’m right. You’re rebounding like a little slut.”

“Towel.”

“Slut.” She whipped the towel at the curtain. Isak laughed.

“Emma!”

“Just admit it! I’m kissing someone new. You can too. Say it and I’ll give you your towel.”

Isak’s teeth were chattering now. He had to cover himself. “Fine. I kissed someone.”

Emma shrieked a laugh. “My ex is a little slut!” Her voice was bubbling with glee. He was laughing with her, but then the towel flew over the bar and landed right on his head. He struggled with the terrycloth and wrapped himself tight. Emma had left and closed the door, but he still wanted to cover his body. A kiss was enough truth for one day.


	15. Cabin

“This is the stupidest fucking thing in the world.”

“Isak, shut _up_.” Kari Anne twisted around in her seat to glare at him.

“How is this not so obvious? At the very least it looks like we’re going to kidnap her.” It was Isak’s turn to twist around in his seat to glare at Marius.

“I don’t fucking know, dude! This is what she wanted to do!” Marius’s voice was almost a squeak, and his knees were bouncing with nerves. His usually chill attitude was long gone as his eyes flicked between every window of their van, trying to see who was watching them.

Marius and Ida had come up with this idea on their own, and sprung it on Maja as she was leaving to get the car. Most of them would meet her in front of their office and load up their stuff. Then they would drive to the hotel next to Nine’s and wait as if they were picking up a guest. Ida was hiding somewhere in the hotel and would come out when she thought the coast was clear. In theory an obvious connection wouldn’t be made, but they were all dressed in work clothes and nervously looking around as if they were going to kidnap someone for a cult.

“Half of our colleagues are on their way to that bar right there, none of these windows are tinted, and she’s going to walk out the front door to climb right in with a bunch of people from the office. That’s enough to open _and_ close an investigation.”

“Don’t make me climb back there and slap you, Isak. This is what’s happening and whatever you are saying is not making the situation any better.”

Even opened the door to the van and climbed in. “The trunk is full. Her bag will just have to go between the seats.”

“Okay. Thanks for checking, Even.” Maja’s voice was high and polite, which was normal, but they could also hear the tension in it. She was not handling this well, almost as poorly as Isak, and her typical response to stress like this was to remain polite but short. They were certainly in for an interesting trip.

“She! She’s coming.” Marius slapped Isak’s shoulder as if he was supposed to do something. Isak scowled and turned away. Even opened his door.

“Ida.”

“Hello everyone.”

“Hop in. You will sit in the back and I will take your bag.”

“Thank you, Even. And thank you for including me in your trip. I hope it will be a fun weekend.” Ida’s greeting was interrupted by the amount of work it took to get her to the back seat. She collapsed with a grunt, thought it might have actually come from Marius.

“Okay guys, buckle up!” Maja put the car in gear and pulled away from the hotel.

* * *

The drive was three hours long and quiet for most of the way. Marius and Ida kept to themselves in the back, talking in hushed tones. Isak ignored Even, which meant he thought about Even for three hours, with a significant portion of those three hours dedicated to the things they did on Wednesday night. Kari Anne kept up a general chatter as well as song selection that was intended to calm Maja down. It worked well enough that Maja’s shoulders dropped and grip loosened on the wheel as they got closer to the coastal village slightly northeast of Arendal. The bubble returned to her voice.

“So we’ll have enough food there for some kind of dinner. I don’t know what my parents left behind. But it’s obviously late and we just need to eat and go to bed. We can do errands in the morning.”

“I already have my list.” Even leaned forward and rested his chin on the back of Kari Anne’s seat. She held up her phone to show him something. Isak couldn’t hear the small conversation they were having but he could see when Even chuckled at whatever Kari Anne said. He recognized the turn up of his mouth, even from the side, and how the rumble moved through his shoulders. Isak could feel the laugh against his own skin. He chastised himself for the millionth time and turned to look out the window.

The sun was almost below the horizon, and the trees they sped past held deep shadows. He recognized a few of the landmarks they drove past at this point. He wasn’t fluent in the directions to the cabin like Maja was—Kari Anne didn’t have to help navigate anymore—but he could estimate their distance and arrival time almost as well as a GPS. They had about another twenty minutes to go.

Their best efforts at planning for this trip had fallen apart as soon as Ida was added to the mix. The vacation was always intended for coworkers, just this small group who needed a break but could also relate to each other on the bullpen alone. Emma had never been invited, though she wouldn’t have made time in her schedule for something so…unedited. Marius’s hook-ups and Maja’s fantasies were never included either, but that was just common sense. Adding a somewhat serious relationship, new to Marius _and_ a colleague to everyone else, was going to make this one of the most stressful vacations any of them had ever taken.

For starters, Isak wasn’t even sure if he could drink this weekend. Who the hell would risk intoxication in front of their human resources representative? This was supposed to be a time when they could complain about every person they worked with, every story that went to press, with no risk of it getting back to the bullpen (partly because they would black out so well enough they wouldn’t remember what was said). That was why they drove three hours away to do it! And now they had the police buckled into their backseat. Isak’s frustration did not wane for the entire trip. He didn’t want to be mad at Marius, but he was mad at Marius.

Isak started to clean up his seat as they approached the cabin, turning off of the 410 onto the winding road that would take them to the water. He stuffed his phone charger and headphones back into his tote bag, and crumpled up the bag of chips he’d slowly eaten to tide himself over until dinner. Even took notice.

“Are we getting close? If so, it’s nice that you’re near a bus stop.”

Maja perked up and went into host mode. “Yup, this is our little…neighborhood, I guess.” She slowed the car as they passed dirt roads that led to slightly obscured homes. “I don’t know who is out here this weekend, but we’re all pretty spread out anyway. And yes, we have that bus line in case someone needs to get somewhere and the car is gone. But I won’t ever take it without letting everyone know.”

For the last stretch of the road the trees grew in and the pavement transitioned to gravel. Even sat up straight in his seat and tried to get a good view out the window. They were essentially in Maja’s driveway now, and then it opened up to a small lot and a detached garage. Even gasped. “Maja. What the fuck. Maja, this isn’t a cabin.” Behind the garage, Maja’s two-story “cabin” loomed, the motion-sensor floodlights under the roof turning on at their arrival. “This is a fucking house.” Even’s hands were pressed to the window like a child at a zoo. Maja smoothly turned the car around, parking it so the trunk faced the short path leading to the front door.

“It’s not as big as it looks. It only has two bedrooms.”

Isak snorted. He and Marius had similar reactions the first time they’d been invited to the cabin. It was definitely a house, but they all called it a cabin just for the mentality of it. He didn’t know what Kari Anne had thought, because she’d visited before them, but they were all used to it by now. Maja’s family was well-off, and didn’t even need to rent out the place on Airbnb for additional income. But they were humble and generous with their property, and Maja’s friends respected it out of gratitude.

They all climbed out of the car, stretching their legs and breathing in the fresh air. Even was quick to start unloading the trunk, less out of chivalry and more in his interest to get inside and see more of the house. Isak had to admit it did look rather impressive, especially the way it was lit up at night. He shouldered his tote bag and grabbed his weekender from the small gathering at the trunk.

Like the asshole he felt like being right then, he asked Maja, “Are we firm on those sleeping arrangements then?”

Maja gave her most polite eye roll. “Yes, Isak. Now go show Even inside. The code is still the same.”

Even was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet at the end of the path. Isak was tempted to simply not let him in, but then he remembered how his behavior was being monitored. He merely grumbled a, “Let’s go,” as he passed him on the way to the door.

“You are in a _mood_,” Even commented once they were far enough away from everyone else. Isak punched the code into the door lock.

“Why aren’t _you_? Didn’t your vacation get ruined by human resources as well?” Isak turned on the lights as soon as they were inside.

“Um, not yet holy fucking ceilings dude!”

The entrance, which opened up to the living room, was two stories high, dominated by a modern cascade of lights from a distant ceiling. It was probably the one particularly styled part of the house, with the rest of it settled down into muted, complimentary tones and clean lines against a lot of white and bare wood. Even stared at the fixture and spun around beneath it for a few moments. Isak moved forward to the living room.

“This is where we’ll be sleeping, I guess.” He tossed his bags over the back of the couch, which was an extra long sectional that horseshoed most of the room. In the center of it was a very large table with a bouquet of fresh flowers. The large screen television was hanging on the wall opposite, and that was flanked by sliding glass doors that led out to the deck.

“Shit, Isak, there’s plenty of room for us to sleep here. Hell, all of us could fit on this couch.” Even came up next to him to gawk at more stuff. “But show me the bedrooms. Maybe I’ll understand why you’re so upset if they have like, king beds and silk sheets.”

The rest of the house was split by the entryway and living room, which meant it had two staircases. To the left, there were two doors to ground floor rooms and stairs leading up to where Maja and Kari Anne would sleep. To the right was the kitchen, separated from the living room by a fireplace and a long island counter with stools, and a staircase to the master bedroom where Isak used to sleep with Marius. He went to the right first.

“It’s nice, yeah, but it’s a bed, not a dense cloud to cradle your precious ass. You can survive two nights on a couch.” Even admired the master bedroom but was quick to shut Isak up. “Also, it will be good to give Ida and Marius the privacy.”

“I don’t think Maja even considered the likelihood of her coworkers fucking in her parents’ bed.”

“Shit, Isak, I didn’t mean that. I meant a place they could hide when you decide to unleash your lisp after two ciders.”

“Fuck you.” He gave Even a pretty aggressive slap on the shoulder, but let him poke around the bedroom some more, without rushing him through the rest of the tour. There was a small half bath attached, and a nice view over the backyard.

They went back downstairs and looked at the kitchen, which was clean and stocked. When they crossed the living room, they met Ida and Marius in the entryway giving the same slack-jawed look to the lights. Maja was giving her spiel about the design of the space, as well as the shit she used to pull with her sister when they were younger. Many pairs of underwear had gotten caught in the hanging bulbs. Isak walked up the second staircase with Even close behind.

“And the girls’ room. It’s smaller but they also have a private balcony thing.” Sliding doors that matched the ones downstairs led out to a small balcony, which barely fit two chaises. There were two beds, and while it was still designed to match the overall look of the house, you could tell that two young girls had spent many summers there. They left without further comment.

Downstairs under the girls’ room was the full bathroom, which included a washer and dryer and hanging racks. “There’s a sauna and shower on the outside too, which is what we use most of the time.”

Even muttered another, “Jesus Christ.”

“And then….” They walked back out. “The last room is like…an office? We don’t go in there, because it’s mostly their family stuff.”

“Can I look?” Even asked Isak but didn’t wait for an answer. He turned around to interrupt Maja, who was still introducing things. “Maja, can I look in here? Just to take a peek?”

“Yeah, sure.” She waved him off.

Isak hadn’t been inside since his first visit, because there really wasn’t anything relevant to a drunk twenty-something in the room. There was a desk, computer, and landline. There were bookshelves filled with books and boardgames and photo albums. There were probably times when they thought it was a good idea to pull out a game, and Maja would disappear to grab it, but they never actually successfully played anything. There was a leather couch, significantly smaller than the one in the living room, but still luxurious; Isak imagined that’s where Maja’s dad took naps when he was supposed to be “working” or “on a call.” This room also had a sliding door out to the deck.

Even was stuck on the couch though. “Isak…Isak. This is a sleeper sofa.” He pulled up a large, dark brown cushion. “Boom. There’s your bed.”

“What?”

Even demonstrated pulling out the mattress as if Isak had never seen one before. “You want a room? Ask Maja if you can sleep in here.”

“Shit.”

“I would bet actual money that the living room is more comfortable, but if you’re still fixated on having a room and a mattress, here you go.”

Isak practically ran out of the office.

“Maja Maja Maja Maja Maja.” She was in the kitchen showing Ida the stove. Marius had already bailed.

“What?”

“Even found the bed in the couch—the couch—a bed.” He pointed to the office to help himself explain. “The couch can be a bed. Can I sleep in there?”

“Oh. Um, sure. I forgot that was a sleeper sofa. I’ll probably need to find sheets though. Let me just…finish showing Ida around and then we’ll get you set up?”

“Yes! Yeah, of course. Sorry.” Isak backed away from his interruption, then ran for his bags. He felt almost euphoric compared to the mood that had hung over him all the way from Oslo.

“Fuck. Yes.” Isak announced his return to the office by chucking his bags at the couch.

“She said yes?” Even was tucking in the cushions at the top of the bed. The mattress was bare save for a thin cotton cover to keep dust off.

“I have a bedroom.” It took him a moment, but Isak did realize he should thank Even. “Um, thanks, for finding it.”

“You’re welcome. So, which side of the bed do you want?”

Isak’s mouth fell open. “N-n-n-n-nooooo. Just me. I sleep here. No, no you. I…I said, no together. No sleeping together.” He was nervous now, but he’d meant it. He didn’t want to sleep in the same bed with Even. Especially in this cabin.

But Even was laughing. “I know. I just wanted to see how you would react. And I truly do think the couch will be more comfortable. This mattress is kind of thin.” He brought a foot up as if he were going to stand on it, but just tested it with his toes.

“Well, then…enjoy the couch.” Isak couldn’t get the bravado back in his voice, now that he felt like he was kicking Even out. Which he wasn’t, because Even wasn’t invited in the first place. But still. He felt like he owed him some sort of consolation, if not the actual politeness of offering his preferred side.

Even smiled as he walked around the bed and left. He truly didn’t seem bothered by being kicked out, which seemed suspicious to Isak. He watched him go.

Maja broke his little Even-analysis by calling him to the living room. Isak quickly moved his bags so his tote wasn’t spilling everywhere and went out to join. Kari Anne was comfortably draped across the couch and Marius and Ida were coming down the stairs from their room. “Gather ‘round. We’re voting on dinner.”

* * *

They each picked a frozen pizza from the shocking variety in Maja’s freezer. Even insisted Maja relax, so he handled the oven and serving up of some non-alcoholic drinks. Everyone eventually found spots to nest in on the couch, and they lazily dragged cheesy slices into their mouths. They were almost too tired to talk, which meant it was quiet when Ida cleared her throat. “I’d…I’d just like to say thank you again for inviting me. I know it must’ve been quite a surprise, with Marius and I, but it’s very nice of you to include me right away, especially on such a nice trip.” Ida made eye contact with everyone, but focused the most on Maja, as the host.

“Of course, Ida. It’s nice to meet you in your new role, too. You guys…you look cute together. And it must’ve been difficult keeping it a secret for so long.”

Marius and Ida laughed a quiet, secret laugh.

“Well, we’re not going to announce it to the whole company right now, but it’s nice to at least be open with all of you. And, um, on that note, I’d like to just establish that this whole weekend is…off the record. I am not here as your human resources representative, or even a coworker. I’m here as Marius’s girlfriend. I’d like you to feel comfortable to enjoy yourselves the way you have in the past, which Marius has explained. Nothing will be remembered or recorded or carried back to Oslo. And that works for, um…all of us.” Ida gestured to the whole couch.

Kari Anne squinted as she processed Ida’s statement. “So that means….”

“It means we can get absolutely hammered without it affecting our work relationships, as long as we also stay quiet about _this_ relationship.” Even summed it up by wiggling his fingers at the couple.

“Exactly.” Marius beamed.

“Sure. Yes. I’m down for it. Cone of silence. Cone of blindness.” Even indirectly spit Isak’s words back at him, and he flinched. But he didn’t acknowledge it in any other way. He kept his eyes on Marius and Ida and just nodded, also agreeing to the terms. He wasn’t any more relaxed about her presence, and wasn’t about to chug a beer, but he had to admit it was good that she was acknowledging the power imbalance she brought to the group.

Kari Anne nodded too. “I can get drunk and I can keep a secret.”

Marius shot her a finger gun. “The marks of a true journalist.”

The general feel of the room lifted slightly, with a glimpse of a potentially inebriated future. But there was still a guardedness wafting off of everyone. It made Isak want to bail, and just hope for the best tomorrow. “Well, I think I’m going to get ready for bed.” He stood and stretched, picking up his plate to start dinner clean-up.

“Oh wait, your sheets!” Maja sat up as if she’d been shocked. “And also, I need you to text me what food or drinks you want me to buy. Or you could just come with me tomorrow. I’ll probably leave after breakfast.”

“Chill, Maja. I can get sheets, I remember where the linens are.” Isak was not proud of it, but he’s had to change the sheets halfway through a weekend before.

“Do you know what size mattress it is?”

“Double,” Even piped up before Isak could.

“Okay. We should have some in there because that’s what size the airbed is. Make sure you get pillows for you and Even while you’re up there. They’re on the top shelf.”

“Oh, no, it’s okay. I’m going to sleep on the couch and just use these.” Even slapped one of the grey pillows currently propping him up under his armpit.

Maja twisted to face Even. “Wait, why? The bed is big enough for both of you.” 

Even held up his hands in surrender, not saying a word. Kari Anne understood immediately. “Isak,” came her stern mother voice.

Isak sputtered random sounds, unable to decide how exactly to defend himself in this defenseless situation. “Is…is anyone surprised that I have no interest in sleeping with Even?”

“It’s a double bed, Isak. There’s room for both of you, and Even should not be kicked out onto the couch like…like a dog. Don’t be an asshole.” Kari Anne was getting tired of having to sound off her refrain.

“Excuse me for not wanting to share a bed with a dude.” Sarcasm was a weak defense and he knew it.

“Like you and Marius weren’t bunk buddies all last summer?”

Even tried to interrupt whatever was winding up between Kari Anne and Isak. “It’s fine, guys. I don’t mind the couch. I’ve been ready to fall asleep right here for like the past half hour anyway.”

Maja stood up. “Absolutely not, Even. This is my house and clearly we need some rules, the first of which is: Isak can’t be an asshole. You are welcome to share the double bed with Isak if you are comfortable with it. Isak will be polite about it or else he’ll end up at the bus stop with only a partially charged phone.” She pointed a small yet unwavering finger at Isak. “Understood?” Isak could do nothing but nod.

“Now Even, are you okay with sharing a bed with Isak? If not I’ll go find the airbed. That’s at least what I promised, but I still would hate to put you on the floor.”

“I can handle it if Isak can.” Even smiled gamely, but Isak knew exactly what he was doing. All eyes turned to Isak for his agreement.

Isak absorbed his loss and rolled his eyes at the whole room. “Oh fuck off.” He turned to resume his trip to the kitchen, stepping over Marius and Ida’s outstretched legs in order to get around the couch.

Maja clapped. “Glad that’s settled. I’ll be right down with the sheets.”

“Looks like the weekend is already off to a great start, isn’t it, babe?” Marius pulled Ida into his chest as she laughed.

“Cone of silence!”

The rest of the couch laughed with her.

* * *

“I hate you.”

“Well aware, thanks.” Even reached the last button of his shirt and whipped it off of his shoulders. The white undershirt came off with similar speed. Isak watched him and said the only thing he could say.

“Really, really really hate you.”

“Feels like you’re pretty close to convincing yourself of that.” Even turned around with a laughing smile on his face.

Isak felt another flush under his skin. “Hate.”

Maja had made up the bed while Isak and Even cleaned up dinner. Marius and Ida disappeared up their stairs, and the girls brought their toiletries down to the bathroom for their nighttime routines. Isak and Even had to change in their room. Well, Even was changing. Isak was staring.

“Kind of sucks that there’s no curtain though. We’re a bit out in the open.”

“Curtains don’t go with the design.”

“If I had this much money I would design a house with curtains.”

“Why the hell do you care about curtains? You don’t have any at your place.” Halfway through his observation Isak dropped his voice to a whisper. He had to be careful, with the girls right on the other side of the wall. Even raised an eyebrow at the sudden change.

“Didn’t know you noticed. But I’m also in the attic apartment, up high enough for no one to see in. I’m thinking about black out curtains though, to better regulate my sleep.” Even started unbuttoning his pants. Isak tried to maintain a normal conversation in spite of that.

“How long have you been living there?” His voice was still a whisper, but now it was more hoarse.

“Beginning of the year.” And the pants were off. Isak’s sanity was saved by Even’s underwear. But still, he had to turn away.

“You’re not sleeping naked.” Isak glanced at the door to make sure they’d closed it. He desperately wanted to lock it, in case anyone barged in and saw him not putting up much of a fight against a naked man, but he understood what a locked door actually implied. He had to do something about his nerves though, so he started to undress as well. He focused on his buttons.

“Are you?”

“What the fuck, Even. No. I brought pajamas.”

“As does literally anyone invited to stay over someone’s house. You need to calm down.” Isak could hear the eye roll in Even’s voice.

He pulled out his pajamas. They’d separated their bags so they each had a side of the room, claiming opposite corners. Isak could hear Even rummaging through his things while he got dressed. Isak moved slowly, taking the time in his corner to strategize about how he was going to sleep. Even left, and closed the door behind him.

He had to reassure himself of some things first. Even had agreed to those terms from Wednesday night. He’d said he was not sleeping with him, and Even had said “Fine.” And then Even sucked his dick. But that was beside the point. And if it had been part of the point, Isak had also demanded that what happened in Even’s apartment stayed in Even’s apartment. It did not travel anywhere else, certainly not all the way to Arendal. The cone of silence in place here was a different one. They were non-transferrable.

Also, Even was most certainly teasing. He was getting under Isak’s skin because he knew how, and he could. But he hadn’t done anything with him that, ultimately, Isak hadn’t wanted. If Isak didn’t want to be touched by Even, Even would not touch him. He would tease the hell out of him, and make his blood boil, but he wouldn’t cross the line. He had backed off before, so he had taken Isak seriously.

Isak could sleep soundly. He’d done it once before. He was fully clothed and they were sober and surrounded by people who would never forgive him if they found out about his little gay…thing. Rebound. Experiment. Whatever.

He heard Even’s voice through the wall, mixing with laughs from the girls. Isak plucked his toothpaste and toothbrush from his bag and went to see what was so funny in the bathroom.

* * *

Even shut off the lights when he came back into the room. The living room was dimly lit for anyone who needed to get to the bathroom or kitchen, so he shut the door too. Isak was already tucked into bed, propped up against the cushion but the sheet and blanket wrapped tight from his waist down. “Maja asked me to remind you about your shopping list.” Even walked around the bed, going to his bag one more time. He pulled out his phone charger and went to find an outlet. The cabin might not have had curtains, but it was well equipped for powering everyone’s social lives; there were outlets behind each end table.

“Oh, right. Thanks.” Isak asked for sausages and tortillas and jam and mixers, plus enough ciders to keep him hydrated. He was pretty sure Maja already had that stuff in the kitchen. But he also sent her money to cover it, as well as his share of the rental car, which he’d also forgotten.

The bed squeaked and dipped when Even climbed in. They scrolled on their phones in silence. After a few minutes Even’s screen went dark. He shimmied himself farther under the covers.

“What do you think of Ida?” A whisper floated up from the pillow.

Isak sighed and clicked his screen off. “What do you mean?”

“I mean what do you think of her? And be quiet, the girls can probably hear us through the floor.”

“They’re probably gossiping about her too. But I think she’s fine. Mature.” Isak held back from saying “Too mature.” Ida was older than Marius by a few years, and more mature than Marius by about a decade. He couldn’t help but compare her to Maja either, in that she was tall and voluptuous, with curly hair…the exact opposite of their little blonde friend. Ida was kind, but formal, undercutting any of her office relationships with the nature of her position. Meanwhile Maja was relaxed and flirty (as long as she wasn’t stressed), sweet-talking advertisers and supporting every journalist in the bullpen with full-page spreads.

“Do you think she really won’t judge us for…I don’t know. Whatever we end up doing?”

Isak scoffed. “Of course not. She might say she won’t, and she might not tell anyone, but she’s still going to look at you in the halls and see you drunk off your ass in your swimsuit. It’ll definitely be a factor.” Isak shimmied himself down as well, readjusting his pillow and getting horizontal. There was something about the dark, and the closed door, and the shared bed, that relaxed him into this conversation, and he didn’t mind carrying on. He wasn’t bristling at Even trying to engage with him, nor was he scoffing at a blatant attempt to find similar ground, an alliance against HR. The rules still applied, but Isak could lean against them a bit.

“I’m torn between just…saying fuck it, and letting loose, or holding back. I’m not sure what kind of risks I can take here. And the fact that Ida is putting herself in this position is kind of confusing.”

“How so?”

Even turned toward Isak and propped himself up on his elbow. “Like, she knows exactly what effect she has on us here. It’s impossible to forget who she is and what she does. But at the same time, she’s the one who entered into a romantic relationship with a coworker. I don’t know. She has a lot of power, but at the same time she doesn’t, and the fact that she was trying to…negotiate that power? On the couch…that was weird.”

“Well she definitely had to say _something_, otherwise we all would be driven mad by the uncertainty.”

“Yeah but we still can’t be sure if it’s real.”

“You seemed to agree with it pretty quickly though.”

“It was the fastest way out of the conversation.”

Isak laughed, oddly charmed by Even’s tactic. On the couch it had seemed like Even was being annoyingly open with Ida, a goody two-shoes trying to make her feel incorporated into the group with fast and easy talk. But it was actually the opposite.

“I don’t know. It’s also just confusing because it’s sort of like…what we’re doing.”

Isak tensed so quickly he felt whiplash from it. “_What_ are we doing?”

Even fell back onto his back, hearing the threat in Isak’s sharp voice. He was quiet, but he eventually answered. “Oh, you know. Nothing.”

He didn’t say anything else to Isak. The relaxed conversation evaporated instantly, and wouldn’t come back easily, so they both gave up. Isak could tell, that even though the talking stopped, Even hadn’t fallen asleep. He twitched and brought his hand up to his hair and rubbed his feet together under the blanket. Isak tried to stare at the ceiling, or just the darkness, instead, but it wasn’t working. He was too aware of Even’s body. He was too aware of _nothing_. He turned away from Even, making the bed squeak as he got comfortable on his side.

* * *

When Isak woke up he was curled in the opposite direction and alone in the bed. But not the room. He sat up and found a shirtless Even sitting at the desk. “Good morning sunshine.” Even leaned out from behind the monitor and shot him a smile.

“Are you naked?”

“You really are way too obsessed with me being naked. But no, I’m wearing my swimsuit.” Even stood up to display some plain light blue trunks that hit halfway down his thighs. Isak could not help the first thought that popped into his head, that the trunks matched his eye color. He swallowed the thought with his morning breath.

“What time is it?” The day was bright outside the window. “How long have you been up?”

“I don’t know. But it’s about 8:30. Now get up so we can go make breakfast.”

Isak scrunched up his face. “Go make it yourself.” He fell back against the pillows. Even walked over and found his foot under the blanket, giving it a solid tug. Isak tried to kick his hand away.

“No, I can’t go out there alone.” There was a whine in his voice that made Isak pop his head up.

“What the fuck do you mean?”

“You know…like when you’re sleeping over a friend’s house and you don’t want to be the first person awake? I need you to come to the kitchen with me so I’m not the first person.”

Isak _did_ know that feeling. He had, in fact, pretended to be asleep until Jonas woke up and could lead him out of the room for breakfast. No matter how comfortable he had been with Jonas’s family, he was never ready to face them alone. But that was from childhood. Even was an adult. “Well you _are_ the first person, so deal with it.” Isak, apparently still a child, pulled the blanket up over his head until he was cocooned. He tucked his legs up so Even couldn’t grab anything again.

The room was quiet. Isak could still sense Even standing over him though. Then, a huff. “Fine. I’ll go. But I’m taking your phone with me!”

Isak whipped the blanket off so fast that it felt like there was a breeze in the room. But Even was already out the door, phone in hand. Isak could hear his giggle echo in the living room. “Fucker!” The bed screamed in protest as Isak struggled to get out of it with speed.

Even was already in front of the refrigerator once Isak caught up with him. “Give me my phone you asshole.” Even just nodded at the counter to his left, where the phone was sitting. Isak walked around him to swipe it away.

“Now that you’re up, help me make breakfast. We have to cook something before the girls leave. I’m thinking eggs.”

“What kind?”

A pause. Even’s head was buried in the refrigerator, scanning the shelves. “All of them.”

* * *

Even did not cook all of the eggs. The girls came downstairs shortly after Isak burst out of his room, possibly alarmed by the sound of the bed. They helped Isak chop up meats and vegetables for omelettes, and Even handled the pan swirling and flipping. Maja found bacon to fry, and that’s probably what drew Marius and Ida out of bed just as things were wrapping up. Ida took over the stove for their breakfasts while everyone else took their eggs to the couch.

“Thank you for sending your list, Isak. Do you want to come with us?” Maja sounded refreshed and relaxed. Maybe she had taken to Ida’s message better than he or Even had.

“Do you need me to?”

Kari Anne snorted. “No. But we just thought we would offer if you need a break from Even.”

Even laughed, choking slightly on some egg.

“No, thank you. I can handle him just fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yup. As soon as you go I’m going to chase him into the water and then lock down the house. He’s already dressed and ready for it too.”

Kari Anne was suspicious of Isak’s deadpan delivery, but looked to Even, who was still laughing, for reassurance. That was enough for her to not go on the offensive with Isak. Meanwhile Maja solved the problem from the other end.

“I’ll just text you the code, Even.”

Isak’s face dropped at the betrayal. Even laughed harder.

“And Isak, before you run Even into the ocean, please show him the sauna and the shed. If he’s going to be stuck outside he might as well enjoy himself.”

“Oh, great, now you’re mocking me.”

“Certainly not! Just trying to be a good host, and you are my proxy.” Maja stood up and patted Isak on the head. She took her empty plate to the kitchen.

“Would you like more eggs, Maja?”

“No thank you, Even! They were excellent but I’m full now. And we really should get going, before I waste the whole day in town. K, I’ll be right back, just going to get my bag.”

Kari Anne waved her fork as Maja crossed the room behind her. Isak chewed and glared daggers at Even. His eyes continued to laugh back.

As Kari Anne finished her own plate, Marius and Ida joined the boys on the couch. Marius had made eggs for them as well, but Ida added cheese and bread to her spread. Isak stayed silent, forcing Even to start the small talk.

“Does your family have a cabin, Ida?”

“My grandfather does, way up north. I haven’t been in a couple of years. And it’s much much…much more rustic than this.”

“I think everything is rustic compared to this.”

Ida laughed a polite laugh. “Do you have a cabin?”

“My parents have a small house outside Ålesund. Not on the water like this, but great views. We go out there for hiking.”

“That sounds nice. God, I haven’t been hiking in ages.”

“Me neither. You always have to be ready to unplug for these kinds of trips, and it’s rare that I can get all the way there.”

“The newspaper really is 24 hours,” Ida mused, as if she’d just been introduced to the whole concept of a news cycle. Marius gave her shoulder a squeeze.

Isak finished his omelette and went to the kitchen. He started cleaning up while the light chatter continued. He had to admire Even’s skill there, carrying on a pointless conversation just to waste time, but without the other party knowing it. He had one ear listening in, just in case, but otherwise Isak didn’t have the patience for that kind of thing. He always wanted answers, not just circles and dead ends.

Marius had managed to turn the topic to football by the time Isak was done. As Isak crossed the living room, he noticed that Ida was talking animatedly with Marius, clearly knowledgable about sports and able to keep up with him. Isak hadn’t thought about their relationship much, partly because up until very recently it wasn’t supposed to exist, but now he wondered how it started. This whole time he just assumed it was a physical attraction, as most of his hook-ups were, since Isak usually received a description of a body before he got a name. But now he wanted to take note of what was different. For starters, she spoke his language.

Back in the office, Isak went to his bag and pulled out his swimsuits. Emma had helped him buy them on a shopping trip, choosing cuts and colors that complimented his body and taking in his concerns about his butt (he didn’t want wedgies). He picked the black pair with neon green stripes down the side and took them into the bathroom to change and brush his teeth.

Isak did one last check in the mirror for marks leftover from Wednesday. Nothing stood out, but he could still feel the redness in his skin like a permanent blush. He knew where Even had touched him, and he almost believed that that knowledge was enough for the marks to reappear. His shame would raise blooms and welts like scarlet letters, and he wouldn’t have a shower curtain or towel to hide behind this time. He turned away from his reflection.

Even was waiting for him on the back deck, the sliding door open wide and feeling the breeze coming up from the Skagerrak. He looked like a captain at the helm of a ship, his hands on his hips.

“Where are Marius and Ida?”

“Changing.”

“Okay. Well…let’s not wait. Marius can show her everything else too.” Isak stepped in front of Even to ruin his view. “First, the sauna.”

They walked to their corner of the house where the office was, then followed the deck around to where the outdoor shower and small sauna were set, on their own raised platforms and sharing the wall with the bathroom. There was a tall, skinny shelving unit bridging the platforms. “You know how to work a shower, right?”

“I think you already know that answer.”

Isak ignored him. “And the sauna is wood-burning. Wood is stacked over here, and there’s a bigger supply in the shed. They don’t stack too much out here in case it rains. You can fill the bucket in the shower, and no swimsuits.” He pointed to the cute hand-painted sign that hung on the door. “So you have to remember to bring a towel from inside.”

Even opened the door and stuck his head in. “Cozy. Should we get it started?”

“If you want to use it, you can. Do you know how?”

Isak felt stupid for asking, but he himself hadn’t known until Maja showed him. Even didn’t take the opportunity to make fun of him though; he simply hopped in and squatted down in front of the stove.

“I’ll…um, I’ll go get towels. And the shed key.” Isak left Even to the wood, letting him do whatever he wanted to do without further oversight. Usually the girls started in the sauna, and he and Marius would race to the water and challenge each other to dive in first. But Even clearly didn’t care for an exhibit of masculinity, more interested in the trappings of Maja’s luxury. Also he was probably being polite, getting a good fire going in time for the girls’ return. Isak hated that he could pick out Even’s kindness now, and separate it from whatever parts of him Isak had left to despise.

He went back around the deck to the sliding door at the kitchen. The shed key hung on the wall just inside, on a plastic wrist cord that someone could wear while boating or swimming. He paused to pull it onto his wrist, but noticed a sound that, as soon as it registered, made Isak gag.

Ida was moaning.

Isak sprinted through the kitchen and living room to the bathroom, oh so very thankful that he could close a door behind him and that the towels were not stored with the other linens upstairs. A tall shelving unit that matched the one outside was in the corner, with colorful beach towels stacked for guests. He grabbed two and prepared himself for another sprint.

Back at the sauna, Even noticed Isak’s return at the door. He stood up and closed the stove. “Are you okay? You look like you’re going to vomit.”

Isak shook his head. He gulped the cool morning air. “Marius and Ida. They’re….”

It was enough for Even to understand. His eyes went wide. “Did you _see_ them?”

Isak reeled. “Oh _god_, no. No no no no. I just…heard it.”

Even laughed heartily at Isak’s pain. The upside to his laugh was that it was enough to distract Isak from the fresh trauma, reminding him of his usual emotions around Even, the classics. “There were very good odds that would happen to at least one of us and I’m so glad it happened to you.”

“Shut up. Maybe it’ll happen to you, you don’t know.”

“Nah. This is the only time the girls are gone. They’re probably only doing it now because they know it’s their last chance at privacy.”

Isak was disgusted by the whole situation, and on top of that, how correct Even was. “Jesus, now I truly will not be able to look at her the same.”

“It’s okay. The girls will be back soon. Maybe you can drink enough to forget it all.” He bent down to check the growing flame through the stove window. “Now, I think it’s time you do that whole chasing-me-into-the-water thing. A brain freeze will help too.”

* * *

Isak made a strong attempt at chasing Even into the water. He gave a hearty push at the bottom of the stairs from the deck, but after Even regained his balance, he refused to move farther without first gawking at the backyard.

It had been landscaped well, flat grassy areas carved into levels of rock, creating a lush green carpet that meandered down manageable slopes. Even moved slowly, letting his bare toes dance in the grass. Isak had no choice but to plod along behind him. “I have the sneaking suspicion that Maja doesn’t exactly _need_ to have a job.”

Isak shrugged, unseen. “Does it matter? She does what she does well. I’m glad she’s at the newspaper.”

Even accepted the correction. “Right, of course. Yes.”

They walked down the path until the grass blended with the beach at the bottom. The rocks were still quite large at the top, but soft from the beating of a high tide and warm from the early summer morning. They carefully picked their steps until the rocks became sand and they could walk freely into the water. Then Isak tried again. Even yelped in surprise and stumbled to his knees. His arms did nothing to catch him, so he got a face of freezing water. Isak smiled wide at his eventual success.

Even pushed himself to his feet but stayed in the water to keep his distance. “I can absolutely guarantee that you will regret doing that.” Even reached, or tried to reach, into his pocket, where Isak noticed the outline of what could only be a completely soaked cell phone.

“Oh shit! Even, you idiot!”

“_I'm_ the idiot?! You’re the one who pushed me!”

“Who the fuck keeps their phone in their swimsuit?”

Even looked at his screen and tapped around. “I think it’s still working. But it was my only pocket! Where is _your_ phone?”

Isak pointed back up the hill. “Tucked inside my towel the way people with brains usually do.”

Even let out a small “Fuck,” probably intended more for himself than Isak. It was foolish, to not believe Isak wouldn’t do his best to truly ruin his morning. “We have to go back and dry it off.”

Isak remained still, basking in his victory at the water’s edge, while Even kicked his way to shore. He waited until Even passed him before turning, to ensure he could follow at a safe distance. Even would not get a chance to push _him_ anywhere. Also, the view of a wet swimsuit clinging to a moving ass was something he didn’t want to miss.

Back at the house Even poked his head into the sauna. “Getting there,” he reported. After another thought he went back in to fetch the bucket. He dropped it into the shower, and then he swiped his towel from the shelf where Isak had left them and wiped down his phone. Isak checked his for messages, but there wasn’t anything urgent. 

Out of curiosity rather than guilt, Isak asked after Even’s device. “Any damage?”

“Luckily it turned off and on again. Might put it in rice later, just in case.”

“Do you want to do that now?”

“And risk going inside?” Even thumbed over his shoulder. “No fucking thank you.”

Isak laughed. He’d, amazingly, forgotten, but a quick hike behind Even always managed to wipe his brain pretty well.

“Ugh, let’s just get in the sauna and hope they finish by the time Maja and Kari Anne get back.” 

Even took the first turn in the stall. Isak sat on the edge of the deck, letting his legs hang down, while he waited. He debated warning Maja with a text, thinking up a ruse to make some noise when they came home. Maybe honk the horn when they arrived so Isak and Even could meet them at the car to unload the groceries? That might also be enough to alert Marius and Ida that their privacy was about to be invaded (again). But while he was typing he heard the water shut off, and he stopped so he could turn around and watch Even’s exit.

He’d seen more before. He’d seen everything. But just like with the wet swimsuit, the towel tied at his hips somehow promised more. And knowing that it was just him and Even out here, on this side of the house, he twisted around and stared.

Even smirked. “I’d flash you right now if I didn’t just shrivel up like a raisin.”

Isak laughed again, and hopped to his feet. Even correctly assumed Isak was going to lunge for his towel and pull it down, so he hopped into the sauna before he was caught, one hand holding his towel and the other carrying the bucket. Isak took his turn in the shower, hanging his shorts up next to Even’s on the pegs, and wrapping a towel tight around his own waist.

Even had just splashed some more water on the stones when Isak entered. A fresh billow of steam climbed to the ceiling. “Would you like to be closer?”

“No, I’m fine.” There really was only enough space for two people, but Even offered the side of the bench that was closer to the stove. “It feels good.”

They relaxed together against the wood slats, legs spread and chests taking deep breaths. They warmed up from the seawater and the shower, and then began a healthy sweat. Isak closed his eyes, but sensed whenever Even would reach over to ladle out more water. At some point Even murmured that Isak could open the door if he wanted. But Isak didn’t have to. It was nice.

He thought a little bit about work, a quick run through just to make sure he wasn’t forgetting anything. Not having his phone in the sauna really helped, not letting him check things that he didn’t need to check. Then he thought about Even, of course. He thought about how it was nice, sitting next to him in silence, half-naked. He was glad that he found this kind of thing possible, that left to his own devices, they could be civil and pleasant, damn near playful, without crossing that line into the sexual stuff. He almost wanted to brag about it, show it off, prove to Kari Anne that she didn’t have to constantly squint her eyes at him and run to protect Even. But he also knew that this was probably only happening because they were alone. Otherwise he had no choice but to fight.

When he didn’t want to dwell on it any longer, he thought about Emma. He thought about how she’d helped him pack for the weekend, one of the last few opportunities she had to advise him sartorially. He wondered if she was unpacking anything he was planning on taking to Elias’s. He thought about their dinner date already scheduled for late next week. Everything was moving forward at a steady clip, and he tried to figure out if that was supposed to worry him. It was hard to care in his current position, melting like a spaghetti noodle dropped into a boiling pot, but once the haze of the vacation wore off, what was next week truly going to bring? He didn’t know, but he still thought he _should_.

Isak didn’t exactly fall asleep, but he had to be knocked back to full consciousness by Even’s shoulder bumping his. “I think the girls are back.”

“Oh?” Isak looked around as if they had appeared in the sauna.

“Go get dressed.”

Isak took a moment to focus, and prepare for the outdoors. Then he left, returning to the shower to put on his damp suit and rewrap the towel. Even had followed after checking the stove. While he was changing, Isak walked around to the sliding doors and peeked into the living room. There was no sign of Ida or Marius, and a glance off the deck and down the hill didn’t find them either. He went back to Even, praying they were done fucking, for all of their sakes. Isak and Even took the long way around the house to the driveway.

* * *

The day moved much faster once there was alcohol. As soon as they were done unloading the groceries, Even started mixing drinks, taking orders as they were yelled down the stairs. Ida and Marius had appeared but still weren’t dressed in their suits, so Isak and Even worked on the beverages while everyone else changed.

“Do you like to cook, Even?” Maja appeared in her bikini, a tiny little thing better suited for sunbathing than any actual physical activity. Isak noticed how Even stared for a beat too long when he turned to answer her question.

“Sure, it’s fine. I’m not like…doing it in my spare time though.”

“Oh. You just seem to always jump into the food prep here.”

He was currently rimming glasses with salt. “Sometimes it’s just easier being in the kitchen, keeping my hands busy.”

Isak began to pour the blended margaritas into the glasses as they were finished. “Poor guy hasn’t been able to tweet in twelve hours and his fingers don’t know what to do.”

Maja giggled, inadvertently taking Isak’s side in their ongoing war.

“Oh, I’m sure you could give my fingers plenty of things to do,” Even taunted, his voice definitely implying something sexual. But before Isak could let the shock linger on his face for too long, Even freed a hand and punched him in the shoulder instead, changing the tone.

Still, Isak had to threaten him right back. “Touch me again and I’ll learn how to use a kitchen knife just to flay you from knuckle to tip.”

“Time to go hide the knives!” Maja bounced over to the knife block on the counter. Even’s eyes followed her. Isak punched his shoulder.

They carried a tray of glasses and an extra pitcher out to the deck. Everyone picked up a drink and built their own tray of snacks from the variety of bags of chips and dips opened on the table. Thus began the cycle that would take them through the afternoon: a drink, a run to the water, a run to the sauna, some food, then back to the water. A Bluetooth speaker and bottles of sunscreen were brought out. Towels were scattered between chairs and the shower and the beach. The shed key bounced from wrist to wrist as wood and inflatable tubes were pulled out. Hundreds of photos were taken, and easy smiles beamed from beneath dark sunglasses. It was, finally, a vacation.

* * *

After the margaritas, Marius, Kari Anne, and Even switched to beers. Maja and Ida mixed up something super sweet in the blender and kept that for themselves. Isak started in on his requested ciders, having enough to fall asleep in one of the Adirondack chairs for a short nap. He only woke up when Marius tickled his feet with a seagull feather. Isak jolted and the chair tilted. “Dinner is ready.” He got a whiff of whatever was on the grill and that pulled him out of the chair faster than Marius physically could.

Isak, like everyone else, had let his guard down in terms of the drinking. It helped that Marius was being his dumb jock-head self: splashing about, making Ida laugh, and racing anyone willing down to the end of the jetty. What Ida had proposed was actually happening: they were getting hammered and no one was saying a word about it.

Except maybe for the chicken fight, where Even had Maja on his shoulders and Marius had Ida and he made Maja lose by simply losing his footing under water. Isak was definitely going to bring that up again, most likely with a generous reenactment of the surprised face and flailing arms.

Up on the deck Kari Anne and Maja were formally setting the wood table. The sun was still doing its summer shine, but they brought out candles anyway. Ida was at the grill with Even, keeping a close watch over the sausages and vegetables while also debating charcoal versus gas grilling. Maja’s grill was gas. There wasn’t much left for Isak to do to help prepare, but he went into the kitchen with Marius to scoop up a variety of condiments from the counter.

Inside, Marius tried to whisper: “Hey. Isak, hey. What…what do you think?”

“What do I think about what?”

Marius was trying too hard to be covert, which instantly made him look suspicious. He was hunched over for no reason. “About Ida. Do you like her?”

Isak shrugged. “Yeah, she’s fine. Huge tits, dude.” As drunk as they were, no one was blind. Isak hadn’t taken notice of that sort of thing in the office, but it was difficult to avoid when they moved so freely. 

Marius’s face turned dopey. “Yeah, they’re great.”

Isak took his armful of sauces outside, leaving Marius behind to daydream about his girlfriend’s rack.

The food was simple but delicious. It didn’t do much to absorb the alcohol that they continued to consume but it at least provided a nicer environment for it. They stayed on the deck long after they’d cleared their plates and the candles started flickering in their melted wax pools. It was no surprise that the conversation eventually ended up on office romances, as they learned more about Ida and how she and Marius got together. They were all much more comfortable at this point, and with being hammered came the secrets.

Kari Anne was intrigued, leaning forward on her elbows. “But like, how do you even make a first move in that situation? How can you be so bold to cross the line, right at the beginning?”

Ida had made the first move, though she found an equally willing partner in Marius. He, unlike Isak, had been well aware of her tits. Ida gave half of a shrug. “I must’ve convinced myself that it would either be inconsequential or completely worth it. Like, he’s cute, and if I am in control of the situation, if I can keep it discreet, then there is no harm in having fun. That, plus the stress of the office was probably warping my drive. I felt like I needed some sort of release, and it made a weird sense that that release would come from the bullpen itself.”

Isak leaned forward too. He flicked a glance at Marius, who seemed unaffected by how Ida was describing their start. “Do you have any, um, rules? Or when it started, was it just supposed to be a one-off thing?”

Ida looked to Marius as well, but for longer, seeing if she could gauge his reaction to what she was about to say in advance. “Maybe I thought that, at first. Like when you see a delicious cake and think, ‘Just one bite, just to see.’ But then I just…kept eating.” Marius smiled. He enjoyed being cake.

Maja sighed in her dreamy way. “God, I really want some cake now.” But then her eyes went wide when she realized what she was saying. “I mean, not your cake. Cake…in general. Another cake.” She apologized to Ida for inadvertently hitting on her dessert.

But Ida just laughed, and then got a glint in her eye. “Well now that you know about my risky business, I want to know if any of you guys have hooked up. Marius swears that I’m the first woman from the office but I don’t believe him.”

Isak did not betray Marius with a questioning look, but Kari Anne gave no such fucks. “Ida, you are most definitely not the first, but…you are the longest. We’ve never met any of his other hook-ups formally, just heard stories. And if you mean any of us, together, then no. We are all, miraculously, just friends. Well, except for them.” Kari Anne pointed fingers at Isak and Even and Isak felt his heart stop. Even’s jaw dropped.

“What do you mean, K?” Even asked, because Isak did not have a voice anymore. Even had recovered from his initial shock pretty well, not looking guilty beyond mere confusion. Isak still didn’t have a heartbeat though.

“Oh, like I’m supposed to believe you’re friends?” She faced Ida. “They’re actually sworn enemies, and I’m _very_ surprised a report or complaint hasn’t reached your desk about all of their yelling.”

Ida chuckled. “You’d have to do much worse to be formally reported, trust me. You guys can yell all you want. Though you seem to be getting along well right now.”

“Don’t be fooled, there is a lot of alcohol and they’re sitting at opposite ends of the table. Frankly, I’m surprised we made it out here alive with them sitting next to each other in the car like that.”

“It’s growth. They’re growing.”

“Maja is being too generous. It’s the alcohol.”

Marius was nearly doubled over, laughing into Ida’s lap. Ida just kept looking back and forth between Isak and Even, unsure which story she should believe. They hadn’t fought all afternoon, mostly because they weren’t forced into any activity together, and yes, the alcohol. “There was that little bed argument last night but that seemed…normal. I would understand not wanting to sleep next to someone you work with.”

“Yeah but we’re all friends, here. Isak knows he was just being stupid.” Kari Anne was done trying to explain whatever the hell had been going on between Isak and Even for the past month. “But back to your original question. Nothing has happened with us.” She waved her hand at her side of the table. “Marius is a bit of a slut. And Maja is currently recovering from…multiple bullpen crushes.”

This was the kind of gossip Ida was looking for. “Oh?” She leaned in.

“Kari Aaaaanne.” Maja flicked at her friend’s elbow.

“What? We’ve talked about it with Isak.”

“We’ve talked about _what_ with Isak?” Even was interested now. Everyone was leaning in except Isak, who was still recovering.

Maja rolled her eyes, understanding full well that it was unavoidable right now. “You, Even.”

“You talked about me?” A giant smile lit up Even’s whole face and he pointed at his own chest just to confirm. This is what took Isak to finally talk, the deep-seated desire to slap him.

“No no no no no, please. We did not _talk_ about you.”

“Actually, that’s true. Isak didn’t want to talk about you—”

“Doesn’t.”

“—but I was talking about, y’know…the whole crush thing and then how you politely declined.”

“Oh.” Even deflated a little bit, but only a little. “Well…present company excluded I suppose, dating a coworker doesn’t feel like the right move.”

“Which I totally understand! No hard feelings! And you were nice enough to put and end to it before anything really started.”

Maja and Even were sharing soft smiles over the corner of the table, looking like the picture perfect version of a couple going through an “amicable divorce.” Kari Anne, of course, wanted to stir up more shit.

“The question remains though, if you _weren't_ coworkers….”

Marius crowed. Ida clapped. Even laughed nervously, and Maja tried to take the towel she had wrapped around her shoulders and pull it over her face. “Kari Anne you bitch!” In a flurry of tipsy indecision she tugged on the towel, bit a corner, screamed into it, and then whipped it to the ground. “Fine! Yes. Obviously I would still want to fuck Even oh my _god_. But really, we should talk about who _you've_ been flicking your bean to ever since you started working here, hmmmm?”

The table turned to chaos. Isak’s eyes were glued to Even, because he wanted to know what Even was going to say, but Even was smart enough not to say anything. Kari Anne’s voice had turned into a siren that was screeching “Cone of silence! Cone of silence!” at everyone. Ida’s eyes were wide as she took in all of this valuable information, and Marius was about to piss himself with laughter.

“Okay, first of all, fuck all of you. Who has the key?” Maja stood up. Marius raised his arm with the key, since he was the last person to raid the shed for water guns. Maja walked around the table and pulled it off of his wrist. “This whole discussion is over. I’m going to start a fire in the pit. If any of you would like to be decent human beings, you’ll go get the marshmallows from the kitchen.”

Kari Anne stretched herself across the table in supplication. “Maja I love you. I’ll go get the marshmallows.” She knew what she’d unleashed and would fix it with treats.

Maja stalked away, unforgiving. Even jumped up and chased after her. “Wait, Maja! You have a fire pit?!”

* * *

They roasted and ate two bags of marshmallows on metal skewers. Marius attempted to start a food fight with scorching balls of sugar but Ida shut him down. He pouted, but then she whispered a suggestion in his ear that turned his mood around instantly. They retired to the cabin almost immediately after that. Even and Kari Anne hooted after them, forgoing any polite ignorance.

Isak kept drinking. He was trying to figure out how drunk he was, but it was hard since he was out of his element. His buzzes were usually more compact, compressed into a couple of hours at a bar on Friday night. He knew his drink number there, and when the lisp would kick in. But he’d had more drinks today than usual, and he’d been speaking fine…he thought. “Am I lisping?” he asked no one in particular.

“Um, try asking that question with different words.”

“She means just say your name,” Even clarified.

“Isak.”

“No lisp,” Kari Anne concluded. “Why?”

“Trying to figure out how drunk I am.” There were a couple of empty cans at his feet, and that was only from their trip down to the fire pit.

“You’ve been drinking all day. And eating. And swimming. Maybe you’re less drunk than you think because you’ve been…processing it.”

“You’ll have a better idea of how drunk you are now in the morning.”

“Can’t wait to consult the hangover scale,” Isak grumbled.

“Maybe we should all go drink some water or something.”

Maja yawned. “See Even, that’s why I would fuck you. You’re so smart.”

Even choked on air. “Okay Maja, I think _you're_ too drunk now.”

Kari Anne clapped her knees and pressed hard, slowly getting to her feet. “Honestly, I’m exhausted. Let’s all go inside before this gets any worse.”

“Most of it is your fault, Kari Anne.” Isak was quick to blame her for causing so much trouble, but he also admitted privately that that was exactly what made it fun.

She sighed. “I know.” She walked down to the water and squatted in the shallows. Isak couldn’t tell what she was doing until she returned with her beer bottle and held it upside down over the fire.

“Oh.”

Even laughed, understanding Isak’s mild surprise. “Dude, I thought she was taking a piss.”

Kari Anne shot them a look while the water chugged out of the bottle. “Boys are so gross.”

“I still wanna fuck one though,” Maja mused, looking out to the horizon.

This sent both Isak and Even into giggles. Kari Anne, having successfully snuffed the fire, went to pull on Maja’s arm. “Okay baby, it’s definitely time to go to bed.”

“Isak gets lispy and I get horny. Everyone has their tells.” She shrugged. Kari Anne lifted her general limpness to her feet. They began a slow climb back up to the house.

Even stood. He reached for the pit cover that had been tossed behind his chair. Isak gathered bottles and cans, handing off the empties that he couldn’t fit in his arms to Even. They returned to the house as well. 

They helped Kari Anne with tidying up, at least gathering trash and putting away leftover food. Maja had been sent to bed, and everyone else was tired enough to just get through the chores in silence. Kari Anne dimmed the lights and bid the boys goodnight at the stairs.

Their routine matched the previous nights, though with a little more stumbling. They changed from their suits into pajamas. As much as they just wanted to collapse into bed, they went to the bathroom to brush their teeth and pee. It was a rather sober ordeal, managed through small grunts of acknowledgement as they worked toward the same goal. Back in the office Isak belly flopped onto his side of the bed. Even shut the door and turned off the lights.

“Oh fuck,” Isak mumbled into his pillow.

“What?”

“I don’t know where my phone is.” Isak had reached for his phone to plug it in for the night but realized he didn’t know where to reach.

“Maybe it’s still out by the sauna.”

That sounded like a strong possibility, and was enough for Isak to push himself up to sitting. He’d go out and check the shelf; if it wasn’t there, he would abandon the hunt until morning. Even sat down on his side of the bed while Isak moved around to the sliding door. When he opened it one of the flood lights went on to illuminate his short path. He found his phone, hung up a damp towel, and went back inside. The door shut with a whisper and a click.

“Hey.” Even had stood up again, and was now over on Isak’s side of the bed.

“What are you doing?”

“Stay there. Can you see me?”

It was a stupid question, until Even dropped down to the ground. “Oh. No. Why?” 

His head popped back up. “Great. Come here.”

Isak was suspicious. He thought Even was riffling through his bags, since that was the only thing between the bed and the bookcase on his side of the room. But when he made it around the bed, Even was just lying down flat on the ground, his head up against the base of the bedside table. His phone screen was on, facing up, providing a soft dome of illumination. “What the fuck.” Even held a finger to his lips, the universal sign to shut the hell up. Isak refused, but he whispered. “What are you doing?” Even crooked his finger to get Isak to come close. Isak stepped to Even’s side and dropped to his knees. “Is this what you do when you’re drunk? Act like a child?” He feared he would have to lift Even into bed, roll him somehow, and he already doubted his own muscles. He remembered Even’s weight.

Even crooked his finger until Isak bent down close. He smelled like sweat and sunshine and beer and the mint from his toothpaste. Isak was slightly distracted by this, but in general he would not have been prepared for what Even whispered: “I want to suck your dick.”

Isak shot up straight. He managed to whisper, even though he wanted to yell. “What the fuck!”

“Isak please. Let me. No one can see.” 

Isak looked up at the sliding door. The light above the deck was still on. He looked to the door to the living room. He felt Even’s hand between his thighs, rubbing at the crotch of his loose pants, searching. “You can’t.” He finally looked down. He had to try and hide how seriously he was considering the offer, but it was difficult. Even was staring at him with drunk hunger, impossibly focused.

“I can. If you’re quiet, I can. Please.” He was begging. “I’m so horny.”

Isak was too. He didn’t want to admit it with Even looking up at him like that, but it was true. He got horny when he was drunk, just like Maja, but most of the time he would sleep it off, or wait until the morning and jerk it off in the shower. He didn’t quite know what he should do with an offer at his knees, especially considering how risky it was.

Even watched his face. His hands moved to Isak’s thighs, gripping them on the outside. He watched Isak’s face while he guided his legs closer to his chest. He added pressure and Isak lifted his right leg. Isak moved slowly but easily, knowing exactly what he wanted to do even though he wasn’t ready to say it. He was growing quickly in his pants, a boner that had been kept at bay for days. Even’s hands moved around to cup Isak’s ass and shuffle him further up his chest.

A flash of panic hit Isak. “Even, the door.”

“Be quiet. Everyone is asleep. I’ll be quick.”

Apparently that was enough assurance. Or maybe it was simply how quickly Even actually was. His hands moved to Isak’s front and tugged the stretchy waistband of his pants down. Isak had skipped underwear, and his last clear thought of the evening was one of gratitude for this accidental foresight. His dick came free and Even’s warm hand made its perfect grip. Isak gasped, barely covering a groan, and leaned forward. He wanted that hand, he wanted that mouth, he wanted to come straight down Even’s throat.

Isak shuffled forward a little bit more and rested his weight between the bed and the table. From outside it would look like Isak was kneeling on the ground and looking down at his bag, possibly surprised by something. In fact he was looking down at Even, holding still so Even could bob his head up between his legs. He was moving quickly, as promised, and taking Isak completely, just like the first time. Isak could feel the tip of his dick hitting the tightness of Even’s throat, barely making it in in favor of a speedy stroke. Even also didn’t want to gag, an obvious louder sound that would be as recognizable as Ida’s moans. He had to be quick before Isak forgot to not be loud. He had to finish him before he had a chance to cry out his name.

Isak’s thighs shook with growing tension. He leaned forward, almost over Even’s head, adding a bit of thrust. Isak was chasing it. He was close. He was going to come, oh—yes—he backed off. Even’s brow furrowed and he pulled Isak closer by his ass again. Isak tried to keep his breathing steady, letting it shorten but not get too intense, as he returned to Even’s throat. He was going to build up to a quiet orgasm; he had to. It was the only way he was going to get out of this alive.

Even used more of his tongue, adding a swirl to his suck. Isak loved it. He asked for more with a hiss. Even relaxed his neck and let Isak fuck his face. Isak moved all of his weight to the table when the bed started to squeak, that fucking snitch. Isak breathed and built and fucked and then—.

He closed his eyes. His mouth fell open in a silent scream. He pumped his cum into Even’s mouth and rode the wave of the orgasm as long as it would let him. He felt Even swallow and it made him smile. Even’s mouth was wet and warm and such a relief.

When he pulled out Even tried to wipe at his saliva-covered cock before he dragged a trail down his t-shirt. He was unsuccessful, but the touch made Isak flinch and lift up. Half squatting over his chest, Isak tucked himself away.

“Isak. Turn around. Jerk me. Fuck. You’re so hot.” Even frantically tried to rearrange Isak’s thighs again, spinning him around into a sixty nine. Isak was greeted by Even’s long cock poking out of the waistband of his shorts, already dropping pre-cum on the hem of his shirt. Isak pawed the shirt up and shoved the shorts down. He didn’t know he was this hungry until it was right in front of him. “You don’t have to—just jerk it. I’m so close.” 

Even’s palms were kneading Isak’s ass, and Isak automatically ground back into them. He was focused on Even’s cock, feeling like he was staring at a bomb that was about to explode, and trying to figure out the best way to…make it explode faster. He lifted the shaft and felt its weight. He remembered that too. It was a new angle for him, but closer to his usual form for masturbation. He turned his wrist, found his grip and started pumping. He pushed the skin over Even’s shiny red head and salivated whenever he pulled it back. He leaned down and gave it a lick. He felt Even gasp beneath him. He, too, would have to be quick if he wanted Even to stay quiet.

He bent all the way down and sucked on Even’s head. He found the spot with his lips. He didn’t let Even back off the way he had, but Even wasn’t going to anyway. Isak’s blowjob had been a tease, a torture, so Even was in no mood for a delay. Isak stroked and felt Even swell underneath his fingers. He felt that vein pulse, an echo of his own when the orgasm was just about to crash. Isak pulled off and let the cum flow over his fingers. Even’s fingernails pinched sharply at his ass in an uncontrollable clench. _Fuck, you’re so hot._

Even found his voice, but his whisper had been ravaged by the blowjobs into a croak. He ordered Isak to turn around again. Isak let go of his cock and held his hand high while he moved, another dance on his knees to face forward. Isak was about to foolishly wipe Even’s jizz on the blanket but Even snatched at his wrist and drew it down. He licked Isak’s fingers. Isak was grossed out but also unbelievably turned on. He could feel the texture of Even’s flat tongue swirling around each digit, and the fact that he could recognize it from his dick made him throb. Even stared up at him while he cleaned his hand, and then he released his wrist. He swallowed and croaked out a “Thanks.”

“Thank you…too.” They looked at each other, slowly coming to terms with what just happened. Even’s phone screen was still on, illuminating half of their faces, leaving the rest in shadow. They had either come very fast or Even had set his phone to not go to sleep for a longer period than usual. But that was the last thing Isak should’ve been focusing on right then. He snapped back to his senses. 

Isak looked up at the ceiling, listening for any sounds that might indicate the girls were awake and had heard them. It was hard to do over the drumming of his heart and lungs, even as they were slowing down. He twisted to look at the door, which was still closed, and the deck, which had returned to darkness. Then he looked back down at the man he was straddling. Even was still watching him.

He rubbed his hands up Isak’s thighs. They settled in a light grip on his waist. “It’s okay. Don’t be afraid.”

Isak’s fear was obvious, but he was surprised that Even voiced it. Out of shock, he could only reply with honesty. “I have to be.”

With that same honesty Isak lowered himself to Even’s chest. His breaths were finally even and calm in Even’s hair, at his ear. He kissed across Even’s cheek to his mouth. He recognized the feeling of those lips too. They kissed and opened and tasted what they had just done.


	16. Sauna

Even went to the bathroom. When he returned, he was shirtless, the thin grey tee balled up in one hand. Isak watched from the bed as the light from the living room silhouetted his thin frame. When he closed the door, Isak followed his shadowy form across the room. Even whispered as he passed by the end of the bed, “No one is awake.”

Isak didn’t know how to respond, so he didn’t say anything. He was supposed to feel reassured by Even’s observation, that what they’d done hadn’t been witnessed in any way. But he was just as scared as when they’d started. Isak shifted down onto his back and pulled the blanket up to his chin. Even climbed into bed and it complained.

They kept to their sides. Even pulled up the blanket too. Isak wanted to sleep, because he was exhausted and physically satisfied, but he was still worried. He was scared he’d just made a huge mistake, and he also wasn’t sure how, or if, he would figure out just how huge a mistake it was. There were too many unknowns and it was making his mind race. He stared into the dark. 

“Isak.” Even still whispered.

“What?”

“I’m going to hold your hand.”

Even reached over underneath the covers. His hand found Isak’s at his side. Isak watched the blanketed lump as Even’s fingers tickled his palm and found the spaces in between. Did it look like something? Did it look incriminating? Isak couldn’t tell. It was certainly not as bad as having a dick in his mouth. And it was nice. It was nice like before. Their fingers were threaded and Isak tried to focus on Even’s knuckles, rubbing up against the bony ridges and following the bones down the back of his hand.

“I’ll let go when you’re asleep.”

* * *

Isak woke up alone again, but this time Even was not waiting for him at the desk. The next thing he noticed was his hangover, which began its drumbeat against the bones in his head as soon as he registered that Even was gone. “Fuck.” He heard voices coming from the living room, so he rolled over to get his phone and hunt down some water.

“There’s our sunshine!” Even saw Isak emerge from the dark office first, as he was sitting on the couch facing the door. Maja and Kari Anne twisted around to see him. Isak offered Even a middle finger, which he accepted with a beaming smile. “We made smoothies; they’re on the counter.”

Isak noticed they were all holding tall glasses of pinkish-purple liquid. He walked around the couch to get a glass for himself. If it made all three of them look decently cheerful after the day and night of drinking they’d just had, it must be working. “What’s in it?” Isak called out, nodding his head at Maja.

“I don’t know, whatever Even found in the freezer, plus some yogurt.”

Isak sniffed what he’d poured. It smelled like bananas and peanut butter. Even had turned and noticed his skepticism. “If you’re wondering if I poisoned it, the answer is yes.”

“I actually wouldn’t mind that right now.” He poured a full glass and carried it to the couch. He took a seat in the middle, a safe distance from Even.

“I’m alternating with a glass of water, and will have a coffee chaser.” Kari Anne gestured to the other beverages she had in front of her on the coffee table. “It’s the only possible way I’m going to be able to leave this couch.”

This was standard, a lazy morning of recovery. They were going to start off healthy, thanks to Even, and then someone was going to suggest the hair of the dog, which was when Isak’s mixers would come in, and then someone would get hungry enough to suggest food. Of course, Even stepped up for this too. Eventually he and Isak were back in the kitchen while Maja and Kari Anne cuddled through their mimosas.

“Waffles?”

Isak agreed. “Waffles.”

They clattered around the kitchen with the food prep, and then Even started to get snippy with a pair of tongs. Isak found a rubber spatula to retaliate. It was unclear whether the noise of the fight or the smell of the waffles finally drew Ida and Marius downstairs. Perhaps it was Kari Anne yelling, “If either of you gets hurt I will simply watch you bleed out from the couch.” But they entered the kitchen looking fresh, breath minty and wearing new swimsuits.

“Smells like waffles but sounds like murder,” Marius observed.

Isak was both pushing Even away with one hand against his chest and trying to slap him with the spatula in another. “Almost. Five more minutes and…Even will be dead.”

Even snipped at Isak’s hair, catching a curl in a pincered grip. “Waffles will be ready in three.”

They were both out of breath, which made the utensil fight all that more ridiculous. Isak wasn’t in top form, but he also wasn’t going to tolerate Even pinching at his ass behind the counter.

Eventually someone separated them and the waffle-making resumed. Isak mixed mimosas and screwdrivers and vodka cranberries. He carried the drinks and the toppings out to the deck. Even made round trips from the table to the kitchen, constantly bringing out warm waffles. He ate his own on-the-go.

“How long are we here until, Maja dear?” Marius asked while he scooped out some jam for his third waffle.

“Oh, I don’t know. How about eight? We’ll have dinner and pack up and drive home. I’ll stop drinking around noon and take a nap, but you all can sleep on the ride back.”

“Aces. Thanks, baby girl. I propose, then, that our first activity is a tube float. If we’ve sufficiently recovered with that, then we should play pong.”

Kari Anne raised her sunglasses. “Must we really put up with the farce of a game just to get drunk? Let’s just sit in a tube and drink and then sit on the chairs and drink. Keep it simple.”

“But I need a game. I need to win something.”

She lowered her glasses. “You had sex this morning. You’re already winning. Shut up.”

Marius flicked the jam spoon at her, sending globs from her chin down to her chest. She gasped.

“Marius!” Ida snatched the spoon from his hand. “What the hell!”

“How did she know?” he whined.

Ida dropped the spoon and covered her face with her hands. Kari Anne smirked. “I didn’t. But now we all do.”

The rest of the table tried hard to suppress their laughter, but the look of utter distraught on Marius’s face was irresistible. Even raised his glass of mimosa to Kari Anne, toasting her execution.

“Marius, it’s not exactly a surprise.” Isak tried to make him feel better, though he admitted to himself it was probably making it worse. “Who would come to a beautiful cabin, get roaringly drunk, and _not_ fuck someone they fancied in their private room?”

Maja’s hand shot into the air. Kari Anne thumbed at her. “Guess who is still horny.”

Isak was looking at Even, to see if he was thinking about how they had come to a beautiful cabin, gotten roaringly drunk, and then had sex with someone they fancied. But Even was looking at Maja, lamenting her horniness. “You should call dibs on the room next time, Maja. Give yourself the opportunity, and kick Marius out to the couch.”

But she whined. “No, because then he’s just going to have sex on the couch, and none of us want that more than I want to sit on a dick.”

“She’s not wrong,” Marius admitted.

“Okay you know what? Here’s a toast to the cone of silence.” Kari Anne held up her own glass and chugged it. “Now let’s get to those tubes before Maja starts masturbating.”

Isak didn’t mean to, but he grimaced at the visual. He tried to fix his face, but by the sound of Even’s laugh, someone had caught it. He stood up and chugged his own drink, wishing that cone of blindness worked on his own thoughts.

* * *

“Do you need a buffer?” Kari Anne was standing between Isak and Even at the shoreline, her hands on her hips. They’d just released the line of inner tubes, connected by wakeboard rope. Kari Anne was figuring out the order they would be occupied.

“I’ve survived two nights in the same bed with him. I think I’ll be okay next to him in a tube.” Even looked at him over Kari Anne’s head. He would be perfectly fine. He would be overjoyed. 

“Well that’s good, because I want to be next to Maja. So, hey!” Kari Anne raised her voice to get everyone’s attention. “Starting from the jetty, we’ll do Marius, Ida, Maja, me, Even and Isak.”

“I can go first, if Maja would rather be next to Marius.”

“Don’t be silly, Ida.” Maja’s voice was high and hostess-y. “We’ll chat, and Marius can use his dumb boy arms to pull us in when we’re done. Or need a beer.”

“Oh shit, the beer.” Kari Anne turned around to fetch the cooler they’d packed, which would sit at the end of the jetty for whoever needed a refill. Even followed her to help. Isak waded farther out into the water, making the slow trip to his new floating home. He gently transitioned to swimming when the sandy bottom dropped out from under him, holding his current beer above his head. Getting into his tube wasn’t going to be elegant, so he’d rather do that while everyone else was preoccupied with their own swimming-while-drinking coordination.

Once everyone was in their tube, they began to drift. The rope reached its length with Marius first. He and Ida kept their tubes close by linking their legs. It vaguely looked like they were trying a weird sex position, so Isak avoided looking at them. Maja and Kari Anne weren’t so closely linked, but their heads were turned toward each other in their eternal conversation. Occasionally Maja would flip to talk to Ida, but her default, her loyalties, lied with Kari Anne. Even’s head was drawn all the way back, his hair falling loose and the ends dipping into the water. Isak let his tube drift as far away as possible, but he positioned himself in the tube so that he was facing Even anyway. It could look like he was completely relaxed, staring at nothing, but Even was always in his line of sight. He was keeping tabs on him, so he wouldn’t be caught by surprise. It didn’t matter that Even had to momentum of a sloth at the moment; a strike could always happen.

They drifted and watched the shoreline move, the faint clouds float on by. They finished one beer and asked for another to be sent down the line. They lifted their heads when they felt the rope tug, and then fell back when it was just nothing. They dipped their fingers into the cool water and flicked it across their warm knees.

Somewhere in the vicinity of noon, Even sat up from his lazy slouch and tugged on the rope. He towed Isak’s tube closer to him.

“Hey. Hey!”

“I want to talk to you without yelling, like everyone else is.”

“Well I don’t!” Isak kicked at the water, to both propel himself backward and to spray Even like you would a cat you’re trying to discipline. Even, who was not a cat, kept pulling.

“You do realize you’re just drawing more attention to yourself.”

Isak stilled. Even pulled him close enough for their tubes to bounce against each other, but let out some slack so Isak wouldn’t attract attention for that either. He simply wanted to talk.

“You’re moving tomorrow?”

“What of it?” Isak couldn’t resist sending one more splash in Even’s direction, to show his distaste for the question.

“I could help you move.”

“I know, you said so in the chat. But I don’t need nor want it. You. Your help.”

“I hope you know how rare it is that someone is offering to help you move.”

Isak let his head loll back. “That doesn’t change the fact that I don’t need your help. I’m not moving a lot, mostly clothes. And it would just be convenient to take advantage of the rental car.”

“Are you taking off work?”

“In the morning. Then I’ll just work from home as I unpack.”

“Where is your new place?”

Isak laughed at the sun. “I will never fucking tell you.”

There was a squeak: Even shrugging against the tube. “That’s fine, I’m sure I’ll find out eventually.”

“Of course you will you fucking stalker.” 

If Isak would have opened his eyes and turned his head he would’ve seen Even smiling. But he didn’t. He would not undermine his declaration by seeking out confirmation.

Emma said people knew where they lived. She’d posted enough information about her whereabouts, visual details of their neighborhood and building, for someone dedicated enough to puzzle together an actual address. They had never been actually stalked, to their knowledge, but she had received mail that normally would’ve gone through the agency. She brushed it off, and Isak didn’t really care either. Her fame remained small and respected, even when she communicated so openly with strangers.

But Isak understood the fear now, of having a stalker. He understood what a threat felt like. He shivered at the idea of a boundary crossed. It might not have been directly caused by Even’s knowledge of his future home, but what it meant in terms of access. This was a mild curiosity, asking about where Isak was moving. But if it were satisfied, it would only grow, and Isak could not allow that.

He was scared of what Even could do. He was scared of what Even had already done. And Isak was scared that he hadn’t, and wouldn’t, stop it.

He kept his eyes closed against the sun. He pretended the pink orange of his eyelids was the only thing he could see, and not Even in his new apartment, Even in his room, Even in his bed.

* * *

They were warm from the sun and no one wanted to swim back in. Marius towed himself to the jetty and managed to monkey his way up without getting wet, but when Ida tried to do the same, she fell in completely, thrashing about before getting hold of her tube again. “I don’t know why, but I completely forgot that I could swim.” She laughed at herself, so everyone laughed with her. “But jesus fuck nuggets it’s cold.”

Marius offered to help her up, but Ida had already given up. She swam back to shore. Marius then offered to tow Maja in and pull her up but she declined. “I mean yes, tow me in, but you clearly cannot lift us out of the water. I’ll just…swim.”

“Wait for me!” Kari Anne yelled. And this started a chain of panic, that the water was getting colder with every passing second and no one wanted to be caught in their tube.

Isak and Even had a slight disadvantage, being farther out and not towed in yet. But they were also slightly more athletic than the girls, their long arms and legs propelling them forward faster. Well, propelling Even forward faster. Isak seemed to forget he could swim too, or at least the finer points of it. Halfway to shore Even yelled out, “Sauna!” calling dibs, and this gave Isak enough motivation to pass Kari Anne in their pointless race. He kept Even no more than a few paces in front of him, and figured he could overtake him when he hit land. As soon as his feet grazed the sandy bottom, he charged.

They were up the beach and hitting the hill in no time. Everyone had been left behind, and neither of them bothered to look back and check. Maja hollered a reminder that they had to rinse first, which they obeyed. Even made it to the shower first. Isak banged on the closed door, angry about his loss. But then! “You don’t have a fucking towel you idiot!” Isak couldn’t hold back the huge smile on his face as he stared at the stack of towels currently out of Even’s reach. “And oh, no, it looks like all of these nice clean ones are being moved into the sauna. I’m not sure how you’ll be able to get one, without letting everyone coming up the hill now get a good look at your naked ass.”

The water cut off. “Do you think I’m scared, Isak? Do you think I won’t come out there right now and swing my dick around in front of all my coworkers? If so, you are very wrong. You’ll also need to try harder to get a peek at my goods.”

“Fine, then I’ll take all of the towels inside the house.”

“Wait!” Even shrieked.

Isak laughed. “Better move quick if you want one.”

“Jesus Christ Isak. Just…fuck you until the end of time.”

Isak had correctly called Even’s bluff, and was about to enjoy Even in the buff. The towels were still stacked on the shelves, so Isak stepped back to give Even space. He heard a deep breath, another muttering that was probably more curse words meant for Isak, and then the door to the shower stall whipped open. Even had his suit folded up and blocking his dick, but there was his nice pale ass bouncing its way from the shower into the sauna. Like an absolute fool, Even didn’t notice the towels right next to him, _and_ he tossed his suit out onto the deck as he closed the door to the sauna.

“Where the fuck are the towels!”

Isak laughed harder, doubling over from the absolute beauty of a naked ass combined with ice-cold revenge. It was breathtaking.

“Isak!”

He went to go pick up Even’s trunks, and then walked them up to the sauna door. There was a small window, from which he could enjoy the view. “Very kind of you to follow the dress code. Stupid as fuck, but kind. Now could you stoke the fire a bit, so it’s nice and hot by the time I’m done showering? Thanks, babe.”

Isak left a naked and shrieking Even in the sauna, with nothing to cover himself but a birch log. He took the suit (and a towel for himself) to the shower and hung it up. His rinse was serenaded by the dulcet tones of Even still cursing him out. When he was done, he took his sweet time getting to the sauna, detouring around the deck to see what everyone else was doing first.

“Oh, good! We’re going to start preparing lunch while you guys steam. Any requests?” Ida and Marius were cleaning up the breakfast mess.

“Whatever you guys make is fine.” Isak smiled wide at their hospitality, as well as the thought of Even, still naked. He held his towel closed tight in his fist, right above his crotch.

“Okay. It should probably be ready in like…thirty minutes? We’ll knock when—“

“Oh, don’t bother. We’ll set an alarm and be ready. Thanks!” Isak spun away, literally running away from Ida, and not helping himself look any less suspicious. But he was absolutely uninterested in anyone approaching the sauna while he was stuck in it with Even. Naked Even. Naked.

Isak picked up a clean towel for Even on his way back. Even demanded to know who was approaching as soon as he cracked open the door. “Chill out, it’s just me.” Even was facing the far corner, his cute ass on display, and arms angled in to cover his groin. This was probably the most angry Isak remembered ever seeing him, and it was hilarious. He chucked the towel at Even’s head, forcing him to uncover himself in order to catch it. Isak managed to catch a glimpse as he twisted, before any terry cloth got in the way.

“Lunch is in half an hour.”

“You’re an asshole.”

Isak sat down on the bench, just like he had yesterday. Even finished wrapping the towel around his waist and sat down as well. Isak noticed that Even had managed to air dry in the time he was alone. The fire was heating up, and Even ladled out the first splash of water. They relaxed, quick to abandon the aggressive nude teasing, for now.

“What did you call Emma?”

“The fuck?” Isak popped his head forward, turning to stare down the stupid.

“Like names, what names did you call her? Baby?”

“Where the hell are these ridiculous questions coming from?” Even had suddenly dropped his sore loser act and returned to the insufferably curious one. Isak wanted to piss him off again, but the only thing he could think of doing is twisting his nipple. And he wasn’t sure that Even wouldn’t actually enjoy that.

“Pet names. What pet names did you use?”

“I don’t—I don’t fucking know. Baby. Sure. She would call me baby.”

“What did you call her?”

“Her fucking name.”

“Nothing cute? Honey? Dearest?”

Isak rolled his eyes, but gave in, which was starting to become an unfortunate trend. “Her name, but variations of it. Emma, Ems…Emmarita.”

Even chuckled. “That’s cute.”

Isak snarled. He didn’t want Even complimenting his ex. He didn’t want to be reminded of their connection, how all of this had come to be. “Why do you want to know?”

Even smiled, a secret for himself that he was debating sharing. Isak backhanded his chest to get him to spit it out. He dipped his head and looked up at Isak. “You called me ‘Babe.’ You don’t call anyone else ‘Babe.’ I feel special.”

“That was sarcastic you dumb fuck.”

“Sarcastic or not, you still called me ‘Babe.’” Even did an exaggerated swoon, pressing his hand to his chest and cooing.

“Would you like a serious pet name? I can think of a thousand.”

Even scooted closer to Isak, hip to hip on the bench, and leaned in. “Tell me,” he whispered.

“Stalker,” Isak whispered back.

“Honey,” Even countered.

“Asshole.”

“Sweetheart.”

“Motherfucker.”

“Darling.”

“Dickhead.”

“Lover.”

Isak let out a small gasp. Even was close enough that he could’ve breathed it in immediately. Isak’s voice was strained on the next one: “Fuckface.” It wasn’t because of Even’s actual face, which was again close enough that Isak barely had any choice but to kiss him; rather it was because with every name, Even’s hand, which had started at Isak’s knee, had inched up his thigh and disappeared beneath the edge of the towel. Isak didn’t know if his name-calling was encouraging Even’s hand or slowing it down and he couldn’t quite focus enough to figure it out.

“Isa…bel.”

The way Even’s tongue curled out of his mouth when he added the “bel” made Isak tremble. Or maybe it was the hand. Because that had moved from the top of his thigh down to the inner side, and the fingers were tapping dangerously close to his balls. Isak didn’t even need to look down to know his dick was up, tenting the towel, and ironically moving out of Even’s reach.

“There.” Even grazed Isak’s nuts with a single finger. “I think we have a winner. Isabel.” Then his fingers swirled, scooping up Isak’s balls and cradling them, soothing them. Isak let out a strangled gasp, reflexively lifting a leg as if he were being tickled. Even’s other hand clamped down on the thigh though, keeping him in place and ensuring continued access to Isak’s genitals. “Shhh.”

Isak was panting now. But he had one more name. “Fucking…tease.”

Even’s grip on his dick was instantaneous and firm, right at the base. He stroked steadily, base to tip, his fist the only movement in the wood room. His face had tilted, but hovered, at Isak’s jaw, and Isak felt his hot breath on his neck. Even was making him sweat faster than the sauna.

They didn’t talk; they were both trying to control their breathing, and Isak was doing everything he could to not let out a moan. Apparently Even had enough experience with his dick by now that he could very efficiently bring Isak to the edge. The towel still covering his cock was only aiding his mission, giving Isak constant friction against his tip. But Isak could tell Even was holding him there, not letting his orgasm crash. He stroked and then slowed, reaching down to tickle his balls as a distraction. He stroked and then paused at the tip, adding too much pressure to his squeeze. Isak sealed his mouth closed, forcing a whimper to remain in his throat. But Even still heard it. He stroked, and he stroked, and then…he licked. His tongue pressed flat against Isak’s neck, catching a small river of sweat that followed the line of Isak’s tense muscle. Isak felt Even’s teeth brushing against his skin and he came. He tried to swallow and breathe at the same time, choking on nothing, while his dick shot cum into the towel. The feel of Even’s mouth, still licking but also curling up into a smile, kept Isak in his small euphoria for a few moments longer.

“You’re so hot when you come, Isabel.”

* * *

“Aww, man.” Kari Anne whined as soon as she saw them return, refreshed by a shower rinse and back in their suits. She and Maja were bundled up in towels at the table, waiting their turn.

“What?” Isak froze, wondering if Kari Anne could tell, somehow, what had just happened.

“I bet Maja 100 kroner that one of you would come out with steam burns on your skin, after a fight.”

Even laughed long and loud, which gave Isak some time to compose himself. He wondered if Even’s volume when he spoke was him trying to cover up as well. “No. He might not respect me, but Isak respects the sauna. Interesting to note that you didn’t put money on one of us specifically getting burned though.” Even walked around the table and started picking at the food that had been laid out for lunch.

“I actually put some thought into this bet, dude. First of all, I didn’t know which one of you would be closest to the stove. I had a feeling that Isak would want to be by the door because he is both kind of a wimp with the heat and also very interested in being able to run away from you. But you, Even, as a gracious man, would offer the better seat, putting him in arm’s reach of the water. And Isak definitely would be the one to go for a weapon first, especially if he were trapped. But I wasn’t confident enough in either option to put money on it.”

Isak sort of fell into a chair, his legs still weak. He was surprised he’d made it out of the sauna at all, but he’d recovered with enough time to spare before anyone came knocking.

“Well I’m sorry to disappoint you, Kari Anne. I know I’m going to be extra careful before I step into another sauna with Isak though.”

“I shan’t be placing any more bets then.”

“Bitch, you still have to pay up for this one!” Maja’s voice was demanding, which in turn was shocking, and made everyone at the table laugh. Marius and Ida came through the sliding doors, carrying the last additions to the meal: a large bowl of salad and armfuls of cold beers from the fridge. “I could have one more, right? Just one? It’ll wear off in time.” Maja eyed a frosty can.

Kari Anne shrugged. “Go for it. I think they only take a few hours to process anyway.”

“I don’t want to risk the drive but I also don’t want to be sober.”

Kari Anne patted her hand. “We completely understand. Grab a beer and let’s go steam.”

The girls went to take their turn in the sauna. Everyone else ate. Marius still tried to rally the boys for some beer pong, but whatever momentum they might’ve had that morning was lost to carbohydrates and booze. They sat around the table and talked long enough for the girls to return, and then they talked some more. At some point they had all truly shifted to merely thinking of Ida as Marius’s partner, and a default part of the group, rather than some sort of corporate spy. Isak still had his reservations, especially with Even’s suspicions thrown in, but he wasn’t censoring himself. They all complained and joked about their work, and Ida laughed along. She kept drinking with them, and never missed a moment to tease her boyfriend when someone else turned him into the butt of a joke. Isak briefly wondered if they would need to make space for her in the booth at Nine’s, but he quickly realized how stupid that was. Out here at the cabin it was different. Things happened that wouldn’t normally, and he really shouldn’t expect to carry any of it back to Oslo.

They stayed up on the deck until the sun got to them, then they carried their drinks down to the water. Some of them sat in chairs and others waded into the shallows, cooling parts of their bodies as needed. They drifted in and out of conversations with each other, and in and out of consciousness, as the ones in chairs took surreptitious naps behind their sunglasses. No one made any sudden moves until Even announced he had to do some laundry.

“I spilled beer on my shirt last night, and I’d rather not have it stink up my whole bag on the ride back. Could I throw it into the machine with some towels or sheets or something?”

“Oh that sucks. But sure. Don’t go too crazy though, I usually leave a bit of a mess for my parents to deal with anyway.” Maja waved him up the hill.

Isak watched him go, hoping Even was using this excuse to wash the towel he’d come into and hung up in the shower. He’d tried to scrub out his mess when he was rinsing off, but he didn’t know the current state of it, if it had dried stiff on the hook in a tell-tale form. He couldn’t think of a way to alert Even to his needs either, as outright asking Even to help him with his laundry was just as alarming as a cum-stained towel left right out in the open.

If he stood out in the water a bit, he had a clear line of sight up to the deck. He saw Even walk around to the shower, and come back with an armful of damp towels leftover from their whole group. Even noticed Isak staring and threw a middle finger high in the air. Relief washed through Isak; he sent a middle finger back.

Kari Anne noticed the exchange and smiled. “It’s nice to see you guys communicating so well.” She raised her can. “Cheers, boys.”

* * *

Dinner was tacos, or things that seemed close enough. They ground up and seasoned whatever meats they had left, finished off every variety of tortillas, chips, and shells, and dressed them in creamy and cheesy dips. There were more margaritas too, but Kari Anne sat those out, in solidarity with Maja. “Also just in case you get sleepy and need me to drive.”

Packing up the house was an awkward ordeal, as both Ida and Even kept insisting on cleaning up while she ran around flapping her hands and telling them to stop. “I swear on my life, we always leave a mess for my parents. As long as we’re not leaving out food and shit to get moldy, we’re fine. They're going to be so surprised the towels are already clean.”

Isak was packed and sprawled on the couch. He offered up his support. “It’s true, this is pretty tidy compared to how we’ve left it before.”

Even rolled his eyes. “That doesn’t mean you can’t actually become a more polite guest. I’m going to go double check our room.”

Isak ducked his head, sensing that Even was going to smack it as he passed. He was correct, and Even only managed to brush the ends of his hair with his fingertips. Isak laughed in triumph.

“Isak, could you start bringing stuff out to the car? I’m going to go check on Kari Anne.” Maja tossed the keys over the back of the couch. Isak leaned across the cushion to fetch them. He took his bags and Maja’s out to the car and began a game of drunk Tetris with the small trunk space.

Eventually everyone made it out of the house. Even brought Isak’s phone charger, which he’d forgotten under the bedside table. Ida and Marius had a small debate on whose apartment they should be dropped off at, since Maja was generously offering to take them to their door. Kari Anne announced that the rest of them could be dropped off near Even’s apartment, and all of them would find their way home from there. Then they all climbed into the same seats they’d taken on the way out there and settled in for the ride. Maja cheerily waved goodbye to the house through her rearview mirror, and everyone chimed in. It had been a good weekend, and they were all sad it was over.

About twenty minutes into the drive, Isak was ready to fall asleep. He’d been skimming through his work inbox, which he’d done an excellent job of neglecting over the past 48 hours. But now he was done. He twisted toward his side, flopping around as if he were in bed. Ida was already draped across Marius’s lap in the back, and he was watching something on his phone with headphones. It felt like they were in an airplane, everyone seeking out little comforts to get them through the trip. Even caught his eye, his own face lit up by his phone.

They hadn’t said a word to each other since they’d buckled their seat belts, and Isak hadn’t been paying much mind to Even at all while he was focusing on work. So it was strange that, as soon as Even spoke, Isak knew what he was talking about. Even said one word, plainly, and Isak understood.

“Tuesday?”

“No.”

They didn’t whisper. They didn’t turn an innocent exchange into a secret. Isak’s answer didn’t have his usual derision either, no tone to add meaning to Even’s question. Even returned to his phone.

A moment later Isak’s phone lit up with a notification. There was an empty calendar invitation from Even, scheduled for Wednesday. The timing on this one was different though: it was set to last all the way to Thursday morning.


	17. Jungle

**Maja:** I’m parked out front! No rush!

Emma was hovering in the hallway, unsure of what to do. Isak was all packed after having pulled an all-nighter, and his stuff was lined up in a variety of bags and boxes along the wall. Emma stared at it.

“Is something wrong?” Isak came out into the hall to tell her Maja was here.

“What do I do?”

“What do you mean? You don’t do anything.” He gave her a small laugh. “This is all _my_ shit. Maja’s here, so I’m going to start loading up the car.” Again. Another game of Tetris, slightly less drunk.

Emma had done enough. She was awake when he got home last night, and she helped him pack up the stuff he’d been delaying: clothes, toiletries, and some of the things they shared that belonged to the apartment. She encouraged him to take curtains from the living room, even though he couldn’t remember what kind of hanging options he had for the window in his bedroom. They figured out which sheet set she wanted the least, which he would use for his new bed until he bought new ones.

Even though he wasn’t interested in the photos or memorabilia of their relationship, Emma still went through things, sitting on the bed and reminding him of stuff they’d done together over the years. He encouraged her to throw out whatever she didn’t want without having to consider his attachments. She looked fondly at photos and t-shirts and a bowl they’d filled with punch and tried to carry to a house party but ended up spilling on their doorstep. It felt kind of weird, not matching Emma’s emotions, but it would’ve been weirder to feign interest.

And now, in the hallway, it felt like Emma was still doing it, still trying to connect with Isak and his things, as a lifeline to their history. “If you want, you can help me, but also you’ve been up all night with me and you should probably get some sleep.” Isak didn’t know if she had work today, but going to bed in general was very appealing to Emma. He hoped it would be enough to release her from whatever she was clinging to. He picked up two bags, one small carry-on suitcase and his weekender, cleaned out and stuffed with more clothes, and took the first of many trips down to Maja at the curb.

“You do not look like you spent a weekend at your cabin…at all.”

Maja was leaning against the van, looking refreshed and energetic, greeting Isak with a big smile. She had obviously showered and changed and seemingly gotten a full night’s sleep; meanwhile Isak was still in the clothes she’d dropped him off in, and a hairstyle to match. She pressed a button on the key fob to open the trunk. “Do you mean not hungover or not sunburned?”

“Both.”

“The key to recovery is actually in preventative care. I didn’t want to stop drinking so early but it clearly paid off.”

“Are you going into the office after this?”

“Yes, so if we can be quick I’ll love you forever.”

It was the least he could do. With the help of a Red Bull, he made six trips for all of his baggage. Maja had to stay with the car, so she handled loading the trunk. When he was done, he made a hasty goodbye to Emma. She had eventually made it to the kitchen to make herself breakfast.

“I think that’s it.” He couldn’t think of anything else to say in parting. But also it didn’t really feel like a momentous occasion. “I’ll see you on Thursday right?” It wasn’t _the_ end, just _an_ end.

“Oh, right. Yes, I’ll send you a reservation.”

Isak opened his arms for a hug. She walked into a casual embrace. “Thanks for being a great roommate.” He could at least say that, which was true. It had been nice living with Emma. She laughed, also hearing what he wasn’t saying.

“You were a good roommate too. Smelly sometimes, but I think that’s just boys for you.”

“We do struggle.”

“Hope the new guy doesn’t smell too bad.” Isak laughed, pulling away from Emma. He laughed at her dig, but also at the fact that she meant Elias but Isak thought of Even. Wrong new guy.

“Elias is clean.” He cleared his throat. “But okay, I really have to get going.” Isak took a step back, then offered an awkward little wave in parting. Emma laughed at the absurdity, which made Isak laugh, and then things felt a little more normal for a moment. He would see her soon. This was just another Monday.

Maja was ready to go as soon as he left, the engine idling and her maps app open. Isak put in his new address, but ended up just directing her from the passenger seat anyway. It was a short distance, nothing challenging.

“Oh, wow, yeah this is really close.” Maja had to take a turn around the block before she could find a place to park, but she was still impressed.

“Yeah, technically I could’ve just spent a day walking back and forth with my stuff but—“

“No Isak, that’s a waste of time. But it’s nice that you’re in the same neighborhood.”

“Yup.”

“And now I have your address.” Maja pocketed her phone and hopped out of the car with him. Isak had texted Elias to let him know he was arriving, and just as they pulled out their first bags, Elias came downstairs to let them in.

“Hey man.” He offered Isak a head nod since their hands were full. “Can I take anything?”

“Hey. Um, I think if you just hold the doors for us this round, that’s the best. This is my friend Maja.”

“Helloooo, Maja.” Isak didn’t know Elias well enough to know if he was flirting or just being friendly. But he filed that as something to pay attention to.

“Hi Elias.” Maja greeted him with a similarly flirty-sounding way, but Isak knew that was standard. And Elias was not his type, but he knew he wasn’t ugly.

Isak spent most of the time it took to unload the van thinking about how he now _had a type_.

* * *

As soon as the van was unloaded, Maja sped off. Elias gave him his set of keys to the apartment and introduced him a little more thoroughly to how he ran things. Elias was pretty relaxed about the whole apartment; it was more just showing Isak how he lived so that Isak could do whatever he’d like around it. Isak got a crash course on how to run the washing machine, where to bring the garbage and recycling, how to work Elias’s entertainment system, and appropriate hours of the day to use the vacuum (never before noon). Elias had cleared shelf space in the refrigerator and cabinets for Isak to use, and noted what was communal with the standard request to replace whatever he took. “Also, anything that comes from Mamma you are welcome to.”

“Does she cook a lot? Does she visit?”

“She definitely cooks a lot, but she doesn’t visit. Or at least she doesn’t visit me. I usually get things via my sister, when _she_ visits. And then whenever I go back home I always have to take something back with me.”

“And she’s here, in Oslo?”

Elias nodded. “Yeah, we all are. Just spread out.”

“That’s cool.” Isak didn’t comment further. He didn’t want to have a whole conversation about family just then; they could save it for later, when they’ve figured out if they’ll actually be friends or just keep their casual distance.

After the general tour Elias retreated to his room to do some work. If Isak needed him, he could knock on his door or text; Elias wore headphones most of the time for his editing. Otherwise Isak was let loose in his new home, free to settle in at his own pace.

At first Isak flopped onto his new bed, mattress still bare, just to check his work email on his phone. He still had the calendar request from Even that he wasn’t sure how to respond to, but it was quickly being pushed down by other communications from the office. He decided he would let it remain unanswered until he’d cleared everything else off of his proverbial desk. He answered emails until he was literally falling asleep, then he got up to find the sheets he’d packed. He’d take a lunch break and turn it into a nap.

After his nap Isak alternated between checking more email and unpacking bags. He got most of his clothes hung up but would need to buy more hangers, as well as some storage for under the bed. Yousef had left a desk and chair behind, so Isak could set up his laptop there, but it wasn’t the most comfortable option. He’d add a better chair to his list, eventually.

The thought reminded him of his “shopping list,” and he had a sudden desire to revisit it. But he stopped himself, prioritizing both his actual work and unpacking above it.

He wrote a real shopping list instead, for food to fill his shelves and things he’d relied on Emma to think about instead. He wouldn’t get to many of those things until the weekend—he would have to ease into the bigger concept of keeping house, even for something as small as a single bedroom—but it felt good to have those tasks ahead of him. He looked forward to feeling more ownership toward how he lived his life, rather than just trailing along with whatever Emma did. He could think for himself.

When quitting time rolled around, Isak closed his computer and went on a trip to the grocery store. He texted Elias before he left, if he wanted anything picked up for himself, but he promptly and politely declined. He also said he was going to order a pizza, which Isak was welcome to share. Isak accepted the offer, wondering if this was going to be a bonding opportunity or if they would take slices back to their own rooms. He decided not to overthink it right then; he had frozen burritos and cider to buy.

He took his time walking to the store. It was the same one he always shopped from, just now he approached it from the opposite direction. Considering the ease of the move, he was starting to think most of his life would roll on like this: very familiar to before, just with a few slight tweaks. As often as he’d yelled at Even for upending his life, so far not much had actually changed. He was pretty sure his new roommate wasn’t going to walk around in a t-shirt and nothing else, but also if that was the way it was going to go Isak wasn’t sure if he minded all that much.

While he shopped, Isak thought about his other list. He hadn’t opened the file to reread it, but he remembered what that long night had been like, the general confusion and anxiety he’d had about everything that had happened. It had felt like a lot. It had felt overwhelming. But now, a mere week and a half later, it felt almost normal. Well, not normal, but…comfortable. He liked being touched by Even, and he liked touching him, and there was little hesitation to it when it happened in private. There was still some anxiety, of course, but that came later. Isak’s desire was now the overwhelming thing, and it silenced the voices well enough to be fulfilled.

He didn’t want to think of Even beyond Even though. He didn’t want to think of him in a public sphere, as a coworker or a friend he vacations with. He still resisted the general concept of him that was not involved in giving Isak orgasms. They were separate things, and should be kept separate to save Isak from that same sleepless confusion. He let Even into his life in this very specific way, and that was the only way that could happen. It would be registered as a fluke, not counted toward anything, an outlier. Even was not going to fuck with his data.

He would admit that it was an easy as hell fluke, though. It was easy to kiss him, it was easy to walk to his apartment, it was easy to sleep next to him in bed. He wasn’t resisting the way he thought he was supposed to, the way a guy who had previously been in a long-term relationship with a very attractive girl, should be. The fact that he was no longer attracted to that girl, no longer kissing her or sleeping next to her in bed, was…well it was something that definitely should be considered in Isak’s understanding, but was actually being dismissed as well. They’d broken up for other reasons, not just because his dick didn’t get hard around her.

Isak had to stop, his hand hovering right in front of a box of pasta on the shelf, when he thought about his cock ring. Had he packed it? Or was it still in the drawer with the condoms at Emma’s? Shit. How would he ask for it back? Did he want it? Did he even need it? Emma had bought it for them, less ashamed of Isak’s performance than he was, more enthusiastic about seeking out aids. He didn’t know if he could go through the process of buying a new one for himself. Though, if he was going to keep doing what he was doing with Even, he wouldn’t need one. Isak pulled the box of pasta off the shelf and let it fall into his basket. He wondered how many times you could kiss a guy and still call it a fluke.

Back at the new apartment he put his groceries away. Elias was at the kitchen table on his phone, waiting for the delivery guy to buzz. He had the balcony doors open, and the apartment was cooling down after a warm summer day. They chatted casually, and Elias explained more about his podcast. Sometimes he had the boys on, when they had a good story to tell. But most of the time he was trying to interview other actors and comedians he would meet at the club. “It’s still very small and really casual, but I kind of don’t mind that. I mean, I’d obviously love to have a bigger audience, but right now it’s pretty relaxed and I can just focus on being funny, y’know?”

“Yeah, sure. Quality takes freedom.” In a general sense, Isak understood it. He wasn’t keyed into comedy or producing a show of any type, but he knew what he was able to accomplish when he had the freedom to pursue his own investigations versus churning out content for an audience or a deadline. He was paid to do both, but he thrived with the former.

“That’s it. Yes. And you only have that freedom if you’re at the very bottom or the very top.”

The delivery guy arrived, so Elias went to fetch the pizza. Isak pulled out plates and prepared a drink for himself. They weren’t going to have a deep discussion about the universe over their first dinner together, but Elias showed promise. Instead they just ate and talked more about the apartment.

“Oh, and if you plan on having a guest over, just shoot me a text in advance, okay? I’ll do the same for you, but I haven’t had much luck with the ladies lately.”

Isak laughed. “I feel you. I’m not sure what the fuck is going on right now either, but I’ll let you know. God, I haven’t even like…I haven’t had to date someone in years. I’m going to have to download an app or something.”

Now Elias laughed. “Bro, you sound like you haven’t dated since cell phones were invented.”

Isak shrugged it off. “It kind of feels like it.”

It had been a long time. And he wasn’t ready to try to figure it out, figure out how dating had changed technology-wise, and the difference between dating as a teenager and dating as an adult. He also didn’t…have to, just yet. He was getting his rebound itch scratched by someone else, it seemed. And it would give him some time to ease back into dating.

Isak liked thinking about it like that: if he had to think about it, if he had to put a name to what he was doing with Even, it was just a stepping stone, on the path back to what he was supposed to do. Some deviant behavior, a place to exorcise the wilder thoughts and emotions he had before he could properly present himself to the dating pool. It was weird, and it was separate, and it wasn’t the real thing. It was just something leading up to the real thing. It was a jet bridge that would get Isak to the plane, and then fade into the distance as he took off.

After dinner Elias retreated to his room to do some more editing. He tended to do that kind of work at the beginning of the week, before he would spend his nights out at clubs and theatres toward the end of the week. Isak went to the couch and searched for something to watch. He settled on _You’ve Got Mail_, a classic and comfort from his old life, exactly what he needed in order to fall asleep in a strange new bed.

* * *

Tuesday hit hard. To start, Isak forgot to add time to his commute, so he rushed into the office late and sweaty. He didn’t even notice Even when he passed by his office, he was in such a hurry. And as soon as he sat down, he had to perform triage on his inbox. On top of this, he was hit with an email from the Chief asking for an update on his drug ring piece. Isak now had three days to pull together a presentation on his research; the Chief’s assistant put a meeting invitation on his calendar for Friday morning. Isak let out a deep sigh that evolved into a long, low, “Fuuuuuuuuuck.”

Marthe popped up over their shared wall. “Bad news?” She couldn’t resist laughing at her own pun, which she’d been using for years. At this point it was so dumb that it was funny, and almost broke through Isak’s new cloud of stress.

“Chief wants an update.”

“On the drugs?”

“Yeah.”

Marthe looked around, as if checking for eavesdroppers. Then she leaned over and stage-whispered: “Tell him they are very good.”

Isak laughed. Marthe disappeared with a smile. He was grateful for his neighbor, for her distant concern and ability to brighten his day, if only briefly, at crucial moments. Isak didn’t work with her very often, since she focused more on science reporting and medical fields, but in addition to her humor she’s also pointed him in certain directions when he’s needed help with sources. Technically the bullpen was one giant team, and they were all resources for each other, but Isak tended to work alone. He didn’t know if it was just his style or if his beat lent itself to isolated trails, but he moved forward on his own.

He was given the freedom to do that, as well. His editor was just as hands-off as the Chief was, giving Isak green lights for his pitches and curt rejections for those that didn’t sound worth their time. He never required regular updates from him, but Isak would casually share interesting turns in his reporting if he was looking for encouragement or direction. When word of his work got to the Chief and a formal presentation was required, Isak felt a little underprepared, and it would take more work than usual to essentially pitch himself again. This was probably why he was given three days to prepare, since his editor knew he would need more time than most to compile all of his work into a presentable format.

So Tuesday was spent trying to clear his inbox, just to give himself some room to breathe and shut it down for an hour so he could go through his notes. He sent short replies where necessary and ignored as much as he could. Even was there with another request for approval, on a story he’d filed last week, and Isak granted it without his usual inner turmoil. He no longer had time to search for subtext or entertain anything else but the Chief’s demands. As stressful as it was, it certainly made Isak efficient.

Isak powered through the day and finally called it quits around seven. Half of the bullpen was gone already, and Even’s office was dark. He was tempted to sneak in and knock something over, maybe leave him a rude message on his typewriter, but Isak was too hungry to stop. He just wanted to go home and eat a whole tray of chicken nuggets and drink half of the ciders he’d just bought. And he did.

Elias came out of his room about halfway through _13 Going on 30_. He paused behind the couch to watch along, but then moved into the kitchen to get his own dinner. He paused again when he had everything prepared, on his way back to his room. He made no commentary and Isak felt no silent judgment. In fact, he was tempted to pause it if Elias wanted to join. But he seemed to have work to do, so Isak didn’t pressure him into any roommate bonding. Also maybe romantic comedies weren’t really his thing.

He was quite drowsy by the time he got to the credits. He managed to wash his dishes and clean up the mess he made, but then he went to bed almost immediately. He didn’t even have the energy to check his email one last time.

* * *

Wednesday was much of the same. He took a short break to visit Kari Anne’s cube, and she called Maja over so they could get an update on his apartment. He didn’t have much to share, not even an answer to whether or not Elias was single. But he leaned against the wall, Maja next to him, and Kari Anne in her chair. Maja seemed upbeat.

“I listened to a couple of episodes of his podcast and he’s actually pretty funny.”

“I’ll let him know you’re a fan.” Isak realized he should’ve been doing more research on behalf of the girls, but at least he now had an introduction to the basic questions.

“Have you listened?”

“I have not. I figured I’ll witness most of it live, anyway.”

“Otherwise it’s okay?” Kari Anne reached up and touched his elbow, as if to convey her level of concern as deeper than Maja’s relationship prospects.

“Yeah, it’s chill. Not much has happened though. We had pizza for dinner on Monday night, otherwise I don’t really see him much outside of his room.”

“No awkward bathroom run-ins?”

Isak snorted. “Not yet. But it’s also literally been less than 48 hours.”

“Okay okay, I’ll stop. But I obviously need to be the first one to know if anything bad happens.”

“Why are you so worried that something bad is going to happen?”

“Because…” Kari Anne trailed off. Isak tapped her on the head. “I don’t know. I just don’t want you to blow up, and it feels like you’ve been on edge with the break-up and stuff.”

“Trust me, the break-up is the least of my worries right now. Emma and I are fine. I’m going to have dinner with her tomorrow night.”

“Oh that’s nice, then, that you can be friends.” Maja’s optimism never wavered.

Kari Anne snorted. “This is a contractual obligation.”

Isak defended the optimism though. “But it’s also going to be a nice dinner. I do think we’re going to be friendly from here on out. Maybe a bit awkward, but…I don’t know. I don’t think I care enough to make it more difficult.”

Maja let out a tiny gasp, and Isak realized how callous he sounded. But it was true. No one had spoken it out loud yet, not even Isak or Emma, but there it was. Apathy was what made all of this so easy. Isak shrugged.

“I think Maja is more upset about the break-up than you are.”

Isak chuckled, unable to resist the joke: “I’ll let Emma know you were a fan.”

Maja looked appalled. “But I was! You guys were so…pretty.”

Isak laughed harder, and Kari Anne joined in. 

Maja just pouted. “Do I have to unfollow her now?”

* * *

The break with Maja and Kari Anne was nice. Isak walked back to his cubicle feeling a little more relaxed, and with enough energy to address his inbox for the rest of the afternoon. He sat in on a pitch meeting but did little to contribute, thinking through his presentation instead, staring at a blank notebook page. When he hit six o’clock, he switched away from his inbox and dedicated himself completely to organizing his timeline and web of sources into something the Chief could digest at a glance as well as understand the value of. It was as if he were only afforded 500 words for months of work, space enough only for a conclusion that he couldn’t draw yet. His anger returned as he worked through 7 o’clock.

Isak didn’t look up from his notes until he got a calendar notification that pinged on his computer. It was a fifteen-minute reminder that the blank meeting with Even was about to start. He’d forgotten about it, or at least successfully ignored it, enough to never respond. He stared at it. He knew Even had already left for the day, just from his general awareness of Even’s presence. But he glanced over at his office door anyway, to check.

He shut down his computer.

He was hungry and tired, like yesterday, but he was also…horny. What he’d initially thought was an adrenaline rush from fear, at seeing the meeting on his calendar, another possible paper trail, was in fact just a rush of blood to his groin. His crotch tingled. He didn’t quite pop a boner at his desk, but he packed everything up really quick and left the office like he was late for a meeting.

Which, he kind of was.

He went all the way home first. Another tingle almost had him hopping off the bus at Even’s now familiar stop, but he didn’t want to be seen in his work clothes. There wasn’t much logic to that reasoning, but he had to admit that fear and logic rarely went together. He went all the way home so he could change into a casual outfit and put on his hat again. If it had fooled Emma then maybe it could fool the rest of the world, like when Clark Kent wore glasses. Except he was going to kiss a dude, not save the world.

Elias was on the phone with someone in the kitchen, and gave Isak a silent head nod when he crossed the living room to get to the bathroom. Isak just waved. Elias was still talking when Isak was finally ready to leave, so he sent him a quick text to explain. _Meeting up with someone. Not sure when I’ll be back._

Even had requested an overnight stay, but Isak was not going to agree to that. He most definitely was not going to bring a change of clothes for the next morning, nor ride the bus to work with him. God, that would be an absolute nightmare. Isak shook his head at the thought, surprised that Even dared ask for that to start. He did like that he had an opener now though, something to criticize Even for upon seeing him. He hadn’t had the chance to do much over the past couple of days, and was feeling a little tug of desire for that as well. Yes, he was going to hook up with the guy but he was also going to critique his form. If a dude doesn’t want to share a bed with you, and only did so over the weekend because his friends forced him to, why would you go asking him to stay overnight? Isak scoffed. He might not be utilizing much logic at the moment, but neither was Even. 

Isak got properly wound up on the walk to Even’s apartment. By the time he turned onto his street, he was ready to call him a complete dumbass for whatever he was trying to do with a stupid work calendar invitation. But he stopped in his tracks when he noticed Even wasn’t out in front of his door, like last time. And then he felt a flush of embarrassment that he’d come all this way without telling Even that he was actually coming. Isak was, in fact, a complete dumbass for whatever he was trying to do with a stupid work calendar invitation.

He went up to the door and found Even’s buzzer. The attic apartment was all the way at the bottom. It took two buzzes before he got a crackling, confused voice. “Hello?”

Isak didn’t want to announce himself. He didn’t want to acknowledge, out in public, that he was there, that he was requesting Even, or even responding to him. But he had to. “It’s Isak.”

“Isak?”

He rolled his eyes. “Isak, you dumb fuck.” The standard response would’ve been his last name, for clarification, but the insult was just as effective. Even unlocked the door. Isak felt a jolt of excitement, possibly even pride, once he was inside, having cleared one hurdle. But it was fleeting, as he realized the next four doors didn’t have buzzers.

His phone pinged. A text from Shithead: a six-digit number. Isak opened the message, the first dedicated exchange between them, and carried it to the door. He typed it into the keypad and the door unlocked. He climbed the stairs. A second message, again just a string of numbers, arrived just as he approached the door. Isak felt like he was being watched. Each code came with perfect timing, so he barely had to pause on his way up to Even. Right before opening the last door, Isak looked up at the ceiling, checking the corners for security cameras. Then he shook his head at himself; even if there were cameras, Even wouldn’t have access. He went inside.

It was familiar now, the light switch, the graffiti on the door, the pile of shoes he flicked his own pair onto. He climbed the last staircase and let himself into Even’s apartment proper. Even was seated at the table across from the door. He was shirtless, but his legs were propped up on a chair next to him, so Isak could see that he was wearing sweatpants. He looked like he’d just finished dinner and was ready to retire. “What are you doing here?” His voice was flat, without judgment but also without actual curiosity.

“You’re calendar invitation. I know I’m late, but I was at work, and then I had—“

“You didn’t accept it.”

“What?”

“My invitation. You didn’t accept it. I didn’t think you were going to come over.” Even stood up and took his empty plate to the sink. Isak got distracted by the sweatpants. “I thought that was a no.”

“No. I mean, nothing. That was technically a nothing.”

Even looked back at Isak, confused. Isak realized too late that that word already meant something else.

“Shit. No response. I was just too busy to respond. Not no, not yes.”

“Okay, then what are you doing here?” Even turned completely to face him, but leaned back against the counter. His voice might have been flat, revealing nothing, but his stance said everything. He was keeping his distance.

It was frustrating. Isak didn’t know what to say. He thought about the argument he’d worked on building on the way over, but he knew that wasn’t the answer to Even’s question. He just couldn’t actually give him the right answer. He just couldn’t admit that he was there because Even wanted to hook up with him, and that he wanted it too. “Why…why did you put that thing on my calendar?” His voice was weak, timid, when it finally came out with the question.

Even rolled his eyes. “You know why I put that on your calendar. But why didn’t you respond? And then show up at my place unannounced?”

“I told you! I was busy.”

“And…?”

“Even.” Isak drew out his name in a whine.

“Say it.” Even stood there. But then he smirked. He was flaunting his own restraint. Or maybe he was reveling in the fact that he required none. He could stand there shirtless, an obnoxious dick print in his pants, throwing invitations out whenever he’d like, and still play oblivious to Isak’s presence. He was teasing Isak. He was laughing at Isak’s desire, at whatever war was inside of him that kept him close to the door yet caused him to lean forward on his toes.

Isak growled and whipped his hat off his head. He chucked it at Even, who caught it against his chest. Even laughed. He pushed off of the counter and sauntered around the table, playing with the brim of the hat. He still kept his distance though, standing just out of arm’s reach. Of course, if Isak only took one step forward, he could grab Even’s waist and erase any distance in an instant. But Even could tell he wouldn’t.

“Say it,” Even repeated. He ran one hand through his hair, combing back the longer strands at the front, and followed it with the hat. His eyes fell into the brim’s shadow, but Isak could still feel them. The demand made him stubborn though; Isak’s hands twitched at his sides and his lips tightened into a thin line. Even saw this and tried a different tactic. “I know what I’m doing. I know what I did. I sucked your dick on Saturday, because I wanted to. I stroked your cock on Sunday, because I wanted to. I sent you a calendar invitation for today, because I wanted to do all of that again, and you had said no to Tuesday. You made me wait. I know what I’m doing, Isak. But I’m also waiting for you.”

It was a reprimand and a threat and a seduction all wrapped up in one. Even if Isak wanted to speak now, finally say what Even wanted him to say, he couldn’t. His mouth had gone dry, and his attempt at swallowing was audible.

Even tilted up his head to look down at Isak. “Say it.”

“Why? I’m here. Isn’t that enough?” Isak tried to redirect his arousal into anger, something he’d been attempting ever since he left the office.

“No. You showing up unannounced at my apartment just means you’re an asshole, not that you consent to doing what I want to do with you.”

“What—.“ Isak had to work around a tiny gasp at the mere thought of Even’s answer. “What are you going to do with me?”

Even tilted his head, considering Isak. Maybe he could read exactly what Isak wanted to say but couldn’t. Maybe he heard something that was enough for him. He smiled, one side of his mouth curling up toward the shadow. “Nothing.”

Even closed the gap between them almost completely, immediately. He was close enough to kiss, but simply hovered instead, similar to how he’d been in the sauna. It made Isak’s mouth drop open with another gasp. Every muscle in his body stiffened to keep him that close to Even, but no closer. His dick grew in his pants, practically reaching out for the touch.

Even brought a hand up. That too, hovered, at Isak’s jaw. Isak let himself lean toward it, wanting to feel the thing fingers with any part of his body. But the hand moved up and away, to the hat. Even pulled it off his head, and with a smooth twist, put it back on backward, drawing the brim down the back of his neck. His whole body sunk with it, dropping down to his knees. He watched Isak’s face as he went, eyes always trained up, until something much more interesting presented itself at his new height. His first touch was Isak’s belt and the only sound was another gasp.

* * *

Even didn’t let Isak finish. He let Isak’s dick, wet with saliva, pop free before he came. It hovered around his head while he worked on taking Isak’s shorts and underwear the rest of the way off. The clothes stayed in a puddle in the kitchen with his socks and t-shirt. Even paused to admire Isak’s nakedness before standing and walking to the bedroom. Isak silently followed.

Even didn’t turn on the lights in his room. There was still a bit of a sunset left anyway, and they didn’t need to be able to see each other like that anymore. Isak was safe in this darkness, locked away behind so many doors and staircases, with only an early moon peeking in to watch. Even reached for Isak’s hand and pulled him close at the edge of the bed. One arm went around his waist, the other around his neck, and it was a hug that became a kiss that became breathing, inhaling each other like they weren’t humans who needed oxygen. Isak tried to shove Even’s sweatpants off of his hips while keeping his mouth latched onto skin, and it was so difficult that Even lost his balance. They fell back onto the bed in a tangle. Eventually Even shed his pants.

Thin hands pushed Isak up toward the pillows by his armpits. Isak scrambled to help. Even’s mouth returned to his body, starting at his chest and eating his way south. He laid himself along Isak’s legs and settled in. He sucked on Isak’s skin, licking and biting; he was both moving too fast and not fast enough. It made Isak tremble. Isak tried to push up some more, an attempt to control his body and give more space to Even. As Even moved down, returning to Isak’s dick, his own legs were hanging off the bed. He hitched them up until he was squatting like a frog. Isak watched his ass roll with every head bob, and this brought him back to the edge in seconds.

He gave Even a warning with a tug on his hair. “Even.” Even popped off again, but steadied his slick dick with a smooth stroke. He leaned to the left to observe his work. Isak shot, his jaw clenching and thighs flexing under Even’s weight. Halfway through his orgasm Isak remembered he could make noise; he finished with a couple of long groans.

“That’s it,” Even coaxed, milking the last few drops out of the tip with his fingers. He pulled his hand to his face and licked the cum. Isak’s dick plopped against his thigh, already softening. Even retraced his path up Isak’s body, licking and eating, enjoying the new flavor that had rained down on Isak’s belly.

Isak let himself recover for a moment, let Even climb all the way up to his neck. He was exhausted now, finally achieving a release from both a stressful couple of days at work and a couple of days away from Even. He hadn’t realized how much he needed it, but his body was overwhelmingly grateful. It accepted Even’s aftercare without resistance.

Even wasn’t completely dedicated to Isak’s recovery, though. He was pressed into Isak’s side, burying his face into his neck. He crossed one leg over Isak’s bottom half and was thrusting into his hip. As soon as Isak caught on that he was being humped in addition to being licked like a lollipop, he rolled into Even and pinned him to the bed. Suddenly he had recovered fully and then some. “Is this what you want? Huh?” Isak was straddling Even’s waist. If he sat back he could crush Even’s dick under his ass. But he hovered slightly, leaning forward, trying to do to Even what Even had been doing to him: drive him crazy.

Even’s face had lit up with the twist, a smile blooming up at Isak. But with the question and its growled tone, the smile dropped. “I don’t…I don’t care what you do to me Isak. I just want you to want it as much as me.”

Isak sat up and back, crushing Even’s dick. Even tried to hide a wince. “What if I don’t?” It was the response that hurt the most. For Even, it was because it was doubt. For Isak, it was because it was a lie.

“If you don’t, then you need to say no. You need to decline my invitation. You need to leave.”

Isak rolled off of Even, back to what he now considered his side of the bed. It had been the side he’d woken up on before. It had been the same side he’d slept on the couch on. And now he was back on it with the same level of confusion as before. He stared at the ceiling. “I’m here.” Didn’t that count for something? 

“But I need you to say it.”

This angered Isak, or at least sparked something in him. He whipped his head to the left to stare at Even. “Why is that so important to you? Why do I need to spell it out?” He thought he saw Even roll his eyes, maybe.

“Because I know too many people who have said or done things with me, to me, who didn’t mean it. Every time I thought they were saying ‘yes,’ they were really saying ‘no.’” He held his fingers up in the air for the quotation marks. Even’s arms crashed down onto the bed when he was done.

Isak had a thought that he didn't want to let out, but did anyway. “Did…did you sexually assault someone?”

Now it was Even’s turn to whip his head over. “No. Of course not. But I’ve gotten a shit-ton of mixed signals in my life, and I’m not interested in inviting any more.” There was a beat of silence. Isak tried to hold Even’s gaze throughout it, but it was a challenge. When Even spoke next there was even more sour dripping from his voice. “Thanks for thinking I would, though.”

“Oh fuck off Even. I didn’t actually think you would. But the yes and no talk, and the consent…it wasn’t that weird of a conclusion to make.”

“Well, then, surely you’ll understand my issue with _you_. If we keep going like this I’m afraid that’s exactly what it’s going to turn into.”

“Even!” Isak sat up, propelled by exasperation. “I’m naked in your bed! How is that a mixed signal?” He was about to wait for Even’s answer but decided it wasn’t worth it. He absolutely wasn’t interested in having this kind of conversation, not when Even was just as naked in his bed too. He threw himself back toward Even, forcing whatever he was going to say to come out as a grunt instead. He lined up their bodies and distributed his weight. Their noses were almost touching. “Yes, I hate you. Yes, I want to fuck you. Yes, I’m busy at work, and stressed out, and exhausted. Yes, I walked over here anyway. Okay?” He delivered a hard peck onto Even’s slightly open mouth. “Yes, yes, yes.” Three more pecks. “If anything I think this means I want it more than you.”

There was something about his anger that made this easier to say. There was something about the darkness of the room and the closeness of their faces that made this easier to say. Isak could say it knowing it was for Even only. Not even the moon could hear his secret.

Even clamped his palms to Isak’s cheeks, holding his face there. They kissed slowly, opening their mouths more, reintroducing their tongues. They shut their eyes, choosing to feel everything rather than see anything. Hands roamed and breaths moaned. Hips danced against each other. Maybe it was their conversation that created a need for Isak to prove Even wrong, that this was a chance to showcase his conflicting desire. Or maybe it was just the fact that Isak wanted a dick in his mouth. But he felt Even hardening again, and took that as a cue to follow his path south. He hated Even but he would suck him off. He would suck him off so well that Even would _know_ how much Isak hated him.

He breathed on Even’s dick. He felt its heat and weight in his hand. He let himself drool. He thought about how Even’s tongue would curl and he followed that path too. Yes, yes, yes.

* * *

Even used his sweatpants to wipe them down, and then they fell asleep. Isak didn’t want to—he still thought an overnight stay was a stupid idea—but Even kissed him to unconsciousness and managed to get a blanket over them in the process. He had some vague concerns about falling asleep without an alarm, as well as a walk of shame if he were to sleep for too long, but those too were kissed away. Luckily for Isak, he woke up a few hours later needing to pee. He looked at “his” bedside table and reached for the clock before he remembered it was just a toy. Shit. “Even.” He twisted around and shoved Even’s shoulder. “I have to pee. Even.”

“Then pee.” Even was facing away, sleeping on his stomach. His voice was faint but noticeably irritated.

“Where’s your bathroom?”

Even simply lifted an arm backward, pointing to his bedroom door.

“Great, thanks.” Isak’s bladder didn’t have any extra time to drag Even out of his bed, so he was just going to have to investigate on his own. He thought it was strange that Even would give him free range of his apartment, but then again he now had the key codes to his building on his phone. Maybe things were different now that he was being honest.

They’d left the lights on in the kitchen in the rush to get to the bed. Isak found his clothes and phone on the floor but walked quickly past them. He crossed to the other door, which had to lead to the bathroom since it was the only other option besides the door to the stairs. It was open, but dark beyond it. He reached out for the wall, his fingers scanning for a light switch. He found the light, which lit up a small hallway, and then…plants. A jungle. What?

The bathroom was just ahead on the right, but the potted plants crowding the end of the hallway, leafy greens from floor to ceiling, distracted him. He was about to walk right into the jungle when his bladder sent him one final reminder. “Fuck.” Isak dipped into the bathroom, another monochromatic, clean and sparsely decorated space. He peed into a white toilet, shook his dick, and washed his hands. Even had grey towels hanging up on the wall; they were soft. But back to the plants. He scurried out to the hall.

The end of the hallway was actually the entrance to the last room in Even’s apartment. Isak stepped up to the plants and ran his fingers along the large leaves; they were real, and tall. They were planted in white ceramic pots, and the soil was damp to Isak’s touch. The pots weren’t light, but they were on small wheels, so Even must’ve been able to move them easily around his apartment, maybe closer to a window for some light. He was a gardener. Or at least capable of keeping something else alive. Isak pushed through the leaves, his shoulders brushing the swaying branches, and counted six tall plants, with four shorter ones filling out the lower parts of the jungle. They tickled his calves as he moved, and whispered to announce his presence.

Beyond the jungle was color: bright blue walls, shelves full of rainbows, and mismatched furniture sprinkled in the corners. A patchwork area rug filled the middle of the room. A sleek desk with two monitors and a selection of figurines sat to the right of the dormer window. There was a TV on the wall, but a shelf of plants obscured the bottom of the screen. Walking closer to the tall shelves, he saw that the rainbows were toys: more figurines, games, and puzzles in the bright colors and round shapes of vintage craft. Even was a gardener and collector. At waist height the shelves held a row of typewriters, a rainbow of candy colors, but with the red one missing. Isak knew exactly where it was.

As his eyes scanned the room and took everything in, he noticed himself in a skinny mirror leaning against the back wall. He’d forgotten he was naked, and reflexively covered his crotch. But he quickly forgot again as he wandered around the room, taking closer looks at the details of Even’s life. The room was still dark because Isak hadn’t bothered to find a light switch. But there was enough for him to see, to learn more about Even. He didn’t realize he’d been building this idea of Even based on his work and his monochromatic apartment and everything his mouth did to Isak’s body, but now whatever that idea had been was being erased and rebuilt in real time. He saw what Even was like at home, what brought joy to his life and how he collected it and cared for it. He saw the order that he preferred, this traffic jam of color neatly arranged along the walls. He saw what he put his energy into, and how it was more than just annoying Isak. He understood, finally, what it meant when Even carried his typewriter to work to leave on Isak’s desk.

Isak left. He parted the leaves and shut off the hallway light and scooped up his phone from his clothes pile. He went back to the bedroom and straight to the bedside table, picking up the billiard ball and putting his phone in its place. He noted that it was almost four o’clock, but ignored everything else on his screen. “I went snooping.”

Even hadn’t moved, but he was awake enough to hear Isak and grunt in response. Isak climbed onto the bed on his knees and walked over to Even’s side. He straddled him, sitting on his best estimate of where Even’s butt was. There was more grunting.

“I’d forgotten that this was a toy, that you shake it and ask questions. But now I’ve seen all of your other toys, so it makes sense.” Isak pulled Even’s blanket down to reveal his back. He took the billiard ball and started rolling it across his shoulders, a light massage. The grunts got softer. Isak watched Even’s response, feeling his body shift under his and seeing his head move to full profile. Even opened his eyes.

“Ask it a question.”

Isak picked up the ball. He turned it over and stared at the bold, black eight. Thea had had one when they were younger, and he and Jonas used to tease her about how often she would ask it about her friends’ crushes. It was something to mock back then, but he wondered now if there was some sort of power that she saw in it. Had it ever told her the truth?

Isak asked the question that he still didn’t quite have an answer for: “Is Even gay?”

Even laughed. Isak turned over the ball. Then Isak laughed. “As I see it, yes.” Even laughed harder. As anyone would see it, a naked man straddling another naked man in bed was quite gay. Isak couldn’t tell if they were that obvious or if the toy was magic. But he didn’t dwell on it, not when Even started squirming beneath him, trying to flip over onto his back without displacing Isak. Isak didn’t know if it was the movement or the laughter or both that was getting him half-hard, but he ended up sitting on Even’s belly again with a noticeable boner. Isak tried to wrangle the blanket to cover himself, getting some of it across his hips. Even watched him and continued to laugh. “Hey, at least I finally got an answer.” He slapped the ball into the middle of Even’s chest but it immediately rolled to the side.

Even gently held Isak’s thighs, his hands warm and welcome. His laughter faded. “It’s not a completely accurate answer. I’m pansexual, just…currently doing very gay things.” The hands ran up under the blanket.

“What’s pansexual?” Isak had avoided this kind of research. He’d done enough internet searches to get him through what he’d thought had been youthful flukes and fleeting curiosities. He knew enough about “gay” for him to be able to confirm “straight,” and he hadn’t gone beyond that. He treated it like a switch he could turn off, not a spectrum that he should explore. That was too dangerous.

“It means everyone. Anyone. Including assholes.” Before Isak’s brain could launch a million more questions, Even’s hands made a round trip from Isak’s hips to his ass up his back and down his arms. The motion drew his torso down, until he had to push his hands into the mattress to keep himself from collapsing completely on Even’s chest. Isak had to default on his response, which was simply throwing Even’s dig back at him.

“Guess that means I’m pansexual too.”

Even’s eye roll threw his head back as far as the pillow would let it. Luckily this opened up Even’s neck, another distraction for Isak and the fastest way to get them moving. Isak leaned the rest of the way down and licked Even’s collarbone. He shuffled his hips back until he could feel Even pressed up against his butt. Isak had not been the only one getting aroused by the tousle.

“Hey,” Isak mumbled between descending licks. “You should ask your Magic Eight Ball if your pansexual dick wants to get sucked again.”

Isak felt Even’s laugh under his lips. He lifted his hips to clear Even’s groin, not really waiting for an answer. He got one, though.

“As I see it, yes.”


	18. Maybe

Isak met Emma outside their favorite Italian restaurant, which was actually pretty close to his office. He was able to stay later at work and just run over at the last minute, but he made sure he wasn’t actually late.

“Hi, baby.” Emma opened her arms for a hug. Isak walked into it.

“Hey.”

“How was work?” She gave his general work uniform a once-over before leading the way into the restaurant. Of course she was dressed much more chicly than him, and weather appropriate for the warm evening. He followed her to their table before answering.

“Actually really stressful right now. Big meeting tomorrow.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, a status update for the Chief.” Isak could’ve elaborated, could’ve taken the time to vent to Emma all of his worries about the meeting, but he’d spent most of the day thinking about it and he was done. He wanted to shove a pizza down his throat and talk about anything but the underground crime he’d been chasing for months. Like maybe fashion. He picked up a breadstick from the basket that the hostess delivered and waved the topic away with carbohydrates. “But I don’t want to talk about it. How have you been?”

They talked like Emma had just returned from a trip, which was almost the same. They hadn’t seen each other in three days, and Isak had done absolutely zero chasing of her on Instagram. He asked about New York and Beverly and her latest meetings with the curiosity of someone who truly didn’t know anything and had the slightest reason to care. They ate their pizzas of choice and Emma only paused twice to try to get a good photo, one with a slice and one with a beer. He couldn’t tell if he was coming off relaxed or still visibly stressed, but Emma smiled at her phone and decided it was good enough. Isak still trusted her with that.

“Some people are getting suspicious because you haven’t been in my stories lately.”

“Is that…bad? Do you want to include more of me?”

Emma gave him a strange smile. Crooked. “Not…really. I think I’m just surprised by how fast they’re catching on.”

“I forget: are you doing a big reveal at some point? A final post?”

“Yeah. I’ll have to, at least, once they start seeing more of Beverly. Gotta stay ahead of it all, y’know? But I don’t know what to write just yet.”

They both went quiet, looking off to different parts of the restaurant. The break-up wasn’t done, not yet, and there were still a lot of things left unsaid. Most of them could remain unsaid, but for the sake of social media a script was needed. Some things still had to be said out loud. Isak didn’t know if he could offer anything, like he’d offered his face, or if this was something Emma had to do on her own. His own peace with the relationship and its end wasn’t acceptable for the audience, and anything less than heartfelt and tear-jerky would just raise suspicions even more. Emma needed time to craft the right level of emotion for an ending, inserting an implied mourning period into her timeline, and then earning back any lost support as she dove into something new. Isak decided to leave her with her ending and just focus on the new.

“Do you have a plan for introducing Beverly? Or do people already know that too?” Isak remembered that Even found out on his own; surely Emma had some dedicated fans who has sleuthed it out early on as well.

“It’s hard to tell. I think some people know, but they’re obviously not blowing it up in my face. And I can pass it off as work stuff for a while. They’re so used to seeing her on my trips and things, like…even something like sharing a bed doesn’t get flagged.” She chewed on a crust. Isak nodded. He still wanted to blame that for why he hadn’t noticed either, but he could hear Even’s voice telling him to pay attention. He hadn’t even been a good fan.

“Well I guess you could just…kiss her.”

Emma smirked. “Go in guns a-blazing?”

“I’m sure your agency would love it.”

“Ugh.” She snarled. “I’m not sure if they would love it or hate it. Like, sure, my accounts would probably blow up, but introducing a new relationship could really backfire, especially if it’s someone unexpected. And even a break-up could end up being worse than it really is. I know you don’t check Instagram often, but you should brace yourself for people being upset with you.”

“Not like I needed a reason to avoid social media, but I’ll take it. Maja already expressed her disappointment.”

“Aww, Maja. Oh, how was the cabin? We didn’t talk about it much with all of the moving and shit.”

Isak recapped the weekend for Emma. He didn’t disclose Ida’s presence there, nor what he and Even got up to, just the drama surrounding the newly discovered sleeper couch. Emma asked why he hadn’t shared with Marius like he used to, so Isak had to cover with a fake girlfriend’s name.

“You should call dibs on the master bedroom next time, maybe bring that other person you’ve been seeing.” She shot him a look that was very obviously a request for details. Isak refused to indulge.

“I’m fine with the couch.”

She didn’t press him further. They agreed to get dessert, though it wasn’t much of a debate to begin with. Isak was in no rush to return to his apartment, where he would just be reminded that he needed to sleep in order to wake up the next day and face the Chief. They ordered three gelato flavors to mix and share.

Isak didn’t want to go back to talking about sleeping with certain people either, but he also had a simmering curiosity that he could get some insight into from Emma. He played with the spoon against his tongue and looked at his ex. Her hair was still short, the style freshened up by clippers. It was an androgynous look that she still played feminine, with make-up, jewelry, and a long, slim-fitting sundress. He didn’t know what he was doing with the details that he was noting, but he thought he needed some sort of physical base for the question he wanted to ask.

“Are you…pansexual?”

The word had stuck with him all day, and he’d done some surreptitious Googling at work. He didn’t linger on any website for too long, just in case Even happened to walk past his cubicle, but he wanted to know more about what Even meant. He wanted to define Even’s attraction and see how he fit into it, now that he’d finally gotten an answer.

“Um. Remind me what that is? I’ve heard it before….”

“A sexuality, being attracted to anyone regardless of their gender.”

Emma also played with her spoon in her mouth, giving her time to think through an answer. Isak took another bite of his gelato to appear like he wasn’t pressuring her for something immediately. Eventually Emma shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe? I’d have to look more into it. But I also don’t really…I’m not interested in finding a label for myself.”

“Oh.”

“Why…where is this coming from?”

“Just, a friend mentioned it the other day. And I’d never heard of it before. But I was curious if you knew about it or…if maybe you are…it…too. Because of like, me, and then Beverly.” Isak hadn’t actually meant to drag anyone’s relationships into it but he saw how it fit, how it was a good cover for what he was actually wondering.

Emma shrugged again, her shoulders loose with a lack of worry. “To be honest I hadn’t stopped to think about it much. I know that Beverly is bisexual, because she told me, and that was her way of like, hinting that she was attracted to me. But I never had to label my attraction like that. I just…gravitated toward her and the intimacy kept growing.” She gestured upward with her spoon, as if pointing out the growth of a climbing plant, weaving toward the ceiling. “It filled a void, and I didn’t want to question it. I was just grateful she was there, and that she wanted to touch me.”

Isak blushed in shame. He knew she hadn’t meant to criticize him or what they’d had, but it was still difficult to hear what she was saying, that he’d created a void for Emma, and she’d needed to turn to someone else for help. He was not offended by Beverly, or angry about her part in Isak’s relationship, but he still counted it as a failure on an emotional level. All this time he’d thought they’d just been normal, just been skating by in a relaxed, detached style, but he was actually failing her. And he was failing her so hard he was actively pushing her toward someone else. Emma had cheated, but maybe it had been his fault.

She must’ve been able to see his inner turmoil on his face, even in the dim lighting of a restaurant ready to shut down. Emma leaned over the melting remains in their dessert bowls. “Isak, maybe we shouldn’t talk about this. I don’t think much good will come of it, not when we’re trying to move in different directions. I like that you’re still interested in my life, even when I’m living it with someone else, but it shouldn’t haunt you like this. Let’s get the check, okay?”

He nodded. Their waitress was ready with the check as soon as Emma raised a finger in her direction. They split the bill evenly and they peeled themselves from the chairs they’d glued themselves into over the course of the evening. They carried the weight of the pizza and something else out to the street.

“Any input on the caption for you?”

“What were you thinking?”

They walked to the bus stop. Isak smiled, realizing he would take the same bus home with her, and then just stay on for a little longer. Once they found seats, Emma revealed her strategy. “Well, actually I was thinking maybe…not mentioning you? Like duh, you’re in the picture, but maybe I’ll just talk about the pizza. To distance myself from you.”

Isak nodded. It fit with what they’d done last time, a very basic caption that was more factual than anything else. He’d checked out his photo there a couple of times, just to see how it was performing, and to see how he looked without Emma pressing up next to him. Very subtly they were trying to communicate that Isak was single now. It wasn’t a date, and it wasn’t even a meal with him. It was just a meal.

Eventually Emma went with: _Guess my favorite pizza topping_. In the photo Isak was holding up a slice, glancing at the camera as if Emma was catching him right before he went in for a bite. She was able to post it right before the bus hit her stop; the photo didn’t take much time to edit, or maybe Emma didn’t want to put in that amount of effort. She seemed happy with it though, considering the whole evening an accomplishment since she was able to eat food and create content out of it. She left Isak with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to message him about their next date.

Isak pulled up her profile on his phone to keep him occupied for the remainder of his short trip. He clicked through to the photo. He admired his jawline, which seemed more pronounced in the slightly grainy texture of the shot. Then he opened the comments to see if there were any correct guesses. He scrolled, hoping that Even would post something stupid that he could mock later.

* * *

Isak left work early on Friday. He looped the bullpen, slapping on his friends’ cubicle walls to let them know he was headed out. Marius’s head jerked up. “Oh dude, Nine’s?”

“Immediately.”

“Waaaaait for meeee,” Marius whined while he tried to close a million windows on his computer. “Ah fuck it.” He turned off his display and left everything unfinished.

“Atta boy.” Isak was kind of surprised that Marius was still there, especially as half of the bullpen was already gone, enjoying their summer afternoon. Maybe he was just waiting for someone else to lead the charge to Nine’s, for once. They left the office and walked to the bar.

“How’d the meeting go?”

They both waved to Thomas on their way to their booth. The bar was already filling up.

“Fine. Chief didn’t say much, but that’s always a good sign.” That earned Isak a fist bump. “How about you? It seemed like you had a lot going on for a Friday.”

Marius shrugged while they slid into the booth. “Starting to firm things up for when I go on the road with the team. It all depends on the tournament of course, and I have to have something ready if they don’t get very far. It’s all…weird.” He scrunched up his face. “A lot of work, plotting out these pathways, and eventually I’m only going to go down one, y’know?”

Isak nodded. It was a standard gripe when it came to reporting, and having to let go of all the possibilities you were chasing in order to file a single narrative was something that took time getting used to. As Marius got more into feature writing though, he’d learn to handle his own expectations better. “Sometimes I feel like I’m choosing a pathway too soon, and sometimes I wish I could choose one faster. It’s tough that it’s going to be decided by something that’s really out of your control.”

“Yeah. I was talking to Linnea about it and she was kind of helpful, but more in a tough love kind of way. The beauty of the game, or whatever. And that that’s why people get into sports writing. This is supposed to be thrilling. All of these possibilities boil down to numbers on a scoreboard.”

“Is it thrilling for you?”

Marius loved sports, but did he love being a sports reporter? He smirked at Isak. “Maybe ask that question another day. Or after a couple of beers. Hey, do you want to do like, actual dinner right now? Instead of just appetizers?”

“Sure.” They ordered hamburgers and beers, enjoying a more relaxed hangout before the girls arrived and the gossip ramped up. Marius talked a little bit about Ida, mostly sharing her feedback from the weekend trip, but he did it in hushed tones, leaning over his fries. Isak was interested more from the general angle of bringing a significant other on a group trip like that, and wondered if it had gone smoothly enough that Marius was thinking about doing it again. Their next trip was in a couple of weeks.

“Maybe? I don’t know. I hadn’t actually thought about that. But now it’s like…if I _don't_ invite her, then she’ll know I prefer to not have her there.”

“Dude. Do you actually prefer to not have her there?”

“Well, it was nice.”

“I feel like the biggest ‘But’ known to mankind is about to land.”

“It’s just different. And it could be better next time, now that like, the first time is out of the way. But—“ Marius laughed, realizing that a “But” did in fact land. “—I don’t think I had as much fun as I usually do because I had to like, keep an eye on her. I was worried the whole weekend, and I don’t know if the drinking and the sex made it worth it.”

“Damn.” It was a scathing call, especially for Marius, when the sex didn’t make the company worth it.

“But wait, like…not in general. Just for this kind of weekend. It’s nice when it’s just us, and then I can just be me. I don’t have to be a boyfriend. I can just be Marius.”

“You _are_ Marius,” Kari Anne announced with her arrival. Isak looked up, mid-chew, and watched her slide into the booth next to Marius. This meant that Even, who had followed her in, went to Isak’s side and started pushing.

“Hold on, fuckface,” Isak grumbled. He managed to swallow and put his burger down before getting knocked over completely. He slid his beer and plate toward the center of the booth to escape Even’s shoves.

“But wait, what were you talking about?” Kari Anne snagged one of Marius’s fries.

“Um….” Marius glanced at Isak, not sure if he wanted the conversation to extend beyond them. “Just about the next cabin weekend.”

“I call dibs on the bedroom!” Isak’s arm shot up. Maybe Emma had been right.

“Ohhhhh.” Kari Anne understood what they’d been talking about with just the barest of context. “This is if Ida doesn’t get invited?”

“Nope, I’m calling dibs on the bedroom no matter what.”

“Aww, sweetheart, thinking about upgrading our suite?” Even tried to lean over and wrap an arm around Isak’s shoulder but Isak ducked away, scowling.

“In your fucking dreams.”

Even seemed unfazed, smiling at him. “It was a magical weekend.”

Kari Anne steered the conversation back to Marius’s conflict, immediately going into problem-solving mode. She didn’t have a personal preference toward Ida, but she was also the least affected by her presence; her bedroom was not at risk and she was not particularly interested in building a friendship with Ida beyond the office. So she was the most neutral voice to walk Marius through his options. Even fetched them some food and drinks while she did, and Isak finished his dinner.

By the time Maja arrived, it didn’t seem like Marius had made any progress toward his decision, but Kari Anne warned him about the timing. An invitation after a certain point would look like an afterthought to Ida, especially if their plans were going to be in place without her. While Marius navigated these new waters of a committed relationship, he at least had something familiar to him: a deadline. Maja took her seat to Even’s left, which pushed Even closer to Isak and trapped Isak in the middle. This significantly dragged down the lightness that he’d left the office with, turning the end-of-the-week release into a hyperaware avoidance dance. Isak had to keep his knees pressed together so they wouldn’t knock against Even’s leg. He had to lean toward Marius so Even couldn’t easily touch him. He had to ask Kari Anne specifically for refills, so Even couldn’t fetch and pay for his drinks. He tried jumping into the conversations while ignoring whatever comments Even added, and raising his voice so he was simply louder than him. As much as he was avoiding Even, he ended up spending the whole evening thinking about him. This pissed him off more than anything Even actually did or said. He was worked up by the time the first smoke break of the night hit.

As soon as Maja was out the door, Isak relaxed his legs. His knee bumped Even’s, and immediately Even’s hand was on his thigh. They looked at each other at that second, sustained touch. Even’s face was plain, and Isak suspected Even’s mind was just as blank, but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know what his own face was doing either. Their gaze lasted for a few moments before Isak had to look away. It felt like the whole bar could see him, see who he was staring at, and the resulting heat that was climbing up the back of his neck was unbearable. Even’s hand didn’t move though.

“Wednesday was nice,” Even said softly.

Isak nodded into his pint glass.

“We could do it again tonight. I have some more questions.”

That comment made Isak smile as he remembered the fun they’d had with the Magic Eight Ball. But his smile disappeared when he looked back at Even and saw him against the background of the rest of the bar. He pulled his knee away from Even’s light grip.

“Of course.” Even scooted himself along the bench and stood.

Isak didn’t want him to leave, just—. “Wait.”

“I’m just going to get more drinks.”

Isak watched Even go. He stood at the bar, talking to Thomas, for so long that he didn’t come back until the rest of their friends came in from their smoke break.

* * *

The bus home was crowded. Kari Anne was practically tucked under Isak’s armpit while he held onto a pole from above. Even had gotten onto the bus with them, but was separated by the crowd. With every turn Isak glanced down the aisle to make sure he was still there. “I’m half tempted to stay on and follow you home, just to see your new place.”

It took Isak a moment to focus on what Kari Anne was saying. “Eh? No. No. I mean, you’ve seen it, the photos. And nothing has changed. I haven’t decorated yet.”

“You? Decorate?”

“Like furniture and stuff. And I’m not supposed to invite girls over without telling Elias first.”

Kari Anne smirked. “I’m not coming over to sleep with you, I just want to see the place. I never got to see your old apartment except through Instagram.”

“It just made more sense to go to yours! And…and…I don’t know, it would’ve been weird to invite a girl over, especially when Emma wasn’t there.”

She gave him a confused look, which again, he had to focus on. “You have such a strange allegiance to a woman who cheated on you, and would’ve kept cheating on you if Even hadn’t said anything.” She thumbed over her shoulder at the man Isak had been watching.

“K, I don’t really want to talk about this right now.”

“Fine, fine.” She lifted her hands in surrender but had to quickly grab onto something to steady herself. The bus made its final turn before Kari Anne’s stop. “But once you’ve decorated, you owe me a brunch.” She pressed the button for her stop and started making her way out from under Isak’s armpit. “And I want to meet Elias!”

Kari Anne yelled it so loud that Isak noticed Even’s head turn toward them. Isak barely saw her get off the bus.

As soon as they pulled away from Kari Anne’s stop, Even started moving up the aisle to him. Isak smirked.

Isak hopped off the bus first. He could feel Even behind him, but he did not acknowledge him. He walked briskly, leading the way to Even’s apartment without any guidance. He did it so automatically as well, that he could focus on listening for Even’s footsteps instead of the path in front of him.

Even kept his distance the whole way, staying maybe half of a block behind Isak. This both pleased Isak and pissed him off, as he almost would’ve preferred Even get in his face or confront him about what he was doing, just so Isak could get angry back at him. But if Isak’s command of the walk home was bait, Even didn’t take it. He patiently unlocked the door and held it open for Isak to step in. Once inside though, Isak ran.

He’d memorized the numbers. He didn’t know when, between all of the times he’d nervously checked his messages from Shithead to see if there were any more, anything incriminating. Or maybe he hadn’t checked the messages that often, but had simply memorized them easily, those four digit numbers lodging themselves in his mind as quickly and effortlessly as Even himself had done. But whatever had happened had given him this edge in this moment. He heard Even’s shocked, “What the fuck?” echo across the lobby, right before the first door clicked open and Isak shot through it.

Frustrated grunts and complaints followed Isak up the stairs, again from a comfortable distance. Isak was out of breath but he was smiling, egged on by every stomp and stumble. He burst through the last locked door and barely paused to kick off his shoes. Then he was up that last flight of stairs, guiding himself by running his hands up the walls. There was no time to lose to light switches. He slammed the final door behind himself, falling back against the wood, and listened to Even shouting from the bottom of the stairs. “Isak, you fucker!”

Isak laughed. He turned around to check if the door had a deadbolt. But Even had his keys anyway, so it wouldn’t have made much of a difference. He had to find another way to make him suffer. He ran to the bedroom.

He could hear Even climbing the stairs from the bedroom, the footsteps loud and slow. He felt the surge of adrenaline that would come when you were playing hide-and-seek, and you could hear the numbers climbing while you were still looking for a hiding place. Isak had to remind himself that he wasn’t actually looking for a hiding spot, even though he was tempted to jump into the closet. Instead he stared at himself in the mirror, and then he started stripping.

“I knew it was stupid of me to give you those codes.” Even was still yelling, but he was inside the apartment now. Isak heard the door slam just as he chucked his belt and pants toward Even’s armchair. His shirt went in a different direction, landing on the sideboard and covering the succulents. He crawled onto the bed in his underwear and socks, then flung the rest of those clothes to the remaining corners of the room. Somehow, between the adrenaline and the remaining buzz from Nine’s, this was the best way Isak could wreak havoc on Even’s life: leaving a mess in his room and a naked guy in his bed. He pushed himself up to Even’s pillows and comfortably situated himself. He could hear Even in the kitchen, the sound of a cabinet and a faucet and a fridge delaying Isak’s reveal.

Finally Even appeared in the doorway, backlit by the light he’d turned on. He was a shadow carrying two beverages, and the shadow sighed when he saw what had happened to his room. “You really know how to make me regret some of my life choices.”

Isak scoffed. “Like this isn’t exactly what you’ve wanted since I left yesterday morning.” Was it yesterday? Thursday? Yeah. It had felt like so long ago, with the Emma thing and the Chief meeting. But he’d rolled out of Even’s bed just yesterday morning, and was apparently in a rush to get back in it.

Even walked to Isak’s side of the bed and put down the glass of water and bottle of juice. Isak watched as the Magic Eight Ball went wavy with distortion behind the clear glass. Then he watched Even’s face as he walked around his room, picking up Isak’s clothes.

“Excuse me, stop cleaning and get over here and suck my dick.” Isak was ready. He was comfortable and had his bits on display, and did not appreciate how Even had turned his slow chase into a boring bedtime routine.

“I absolutely cannot blow you knowing that your nicely pressed clothes are getting wrinkled on my floor.” Even held up Isak’s shirt and carried it to the closet. He drew back the mirrored door to reveal a rack of clothes hanging according to color: another rainbow. There were a few empty hangers on the end, which he pulled out for Isak’s outfit. “You clearly spent time looking good for the Chief, and I’d hate to see that go to waste. Also your walk of shame will be even more obvious if you look like you slept in your work clothes.”

“How considerate.” Isak wanted his voice to drip with the sarcasm he intended, but it ended up coming out too soft and earnest. Even accepted the compliment with a small smile, and clipped Isak’s pants onto another hanger. Isak tried again. “I think you’re too clean. Is this a compulsion? Can you not let yourself leave a mess behind?”

Even didn’t answer him, didn’t entertain the stupid speculation. He collected Isak’s socks and paired them, and folded his boxer briefs into a small pile on his ottoman. If Isak was looking for something to get annoyed at, this was it. He gripped his dick while he watched Even finish up.

Soon enough Even started getting undressed. “Don’t worry Isak, I know how to get dirty too.” He undid his pattered button-up, part of a much more Friday-appropriate outfit, and pulled it off. He scrunched it up into a ball and chucked it right at Isak’s face. Isak’s hands were too preoccupied wit his genitals for him to block the fabric in time. He scrambled to remove his blindfold so he could watch Even strip.

Even threw his own clothes in random directions, leaving a mess and proving a point. He moved to the end of the bed and stared at Isak. Isak could feel his eyes as if they were fingers. His dick swelled in his hand. “Do you remember what you told me the other night?”

“What? No.” He had no other thoughts in his head except what he wanted Even to do to him right this instant. Wednesday no longer existed.

“You said you wanted to fuck me.”

“I did?”

Even nodded. His own dick had hardened at the memory, the recall. His thing fingers gently cupped his shaft. “Did you mean it? Do you want to have sex?”

Isak was speechless. He was bombarded by thoughts and instincts that made him recoil as much as he could on his little pillow throne. “No. Well, wait. I don’t know. What do you mean?”

“Having sex?” Even looked just as confused as Isak. “You fucking me?” Even dropped his dick and made some sort of hand motion, one finger poking a circle. It took Isak a second to understand he was gesturing a dick penetrating a hole. Isak blushed.

“That…that sounds gay.”

Even barked out a laugh, throwing his head back.

Isak blushed harder, and tugged a pillow from behind him to cover his crotch. His body sank a bit into the bed.

Even’s laugh settled into a chuckle. “You are correct in that having sex with another man sounds gay, because it’s _quite_ gay.” He tilted his head and softened his voice, taking pity on the embarrassment that Isak seemed to be suffering through. “But I think sucking a guy’s dick is also pretty gay, and you’ve been enjoying that, no? Been getting pretty good at it too.”

Isak wanted another pillow to cover his face. His hands would have to do. From behind his palms he muttered, “That’s different. That’s just…we’re just getting off.”

“Okay, fine. We’re just getting off.” Isak felt the mattress shift, and then Even’s hands were on his feet. He was tempted to lower his own hands to watch what he was doing but he knew his skin was still flushed red and he didn’t want to face whatever Even might throw at him next. “But I did think about what you said, and I would be very interested in it if you wanted to do it. To fuck me.” The hands were moving up his ankles, his shins. They stopped at his knees. Even pressed down on them as he leveraged the rest of his body onto the bed. Isak shifted a finger to peek through. Again Even was a shadow, kneeling and hunched over his legs.

“I don’t…I don’t want….” Isak swallowed hard. He had to think. He wanted to say no, reject what Even was proposing, but the problem was that Isak had proposed it first, apparently. He’d said it, that he wanted to fuck Even. And maybe he actually did? If he was being honest with himself, which tended to happen when he was in Even’s bed, letting himself have what he wanted, then this was probably part of it. He wanted to kiss and suck and fuck Even. He wanted to think about his ass and the hole hidden in it and thrusting into it like he did when he was about to come in Even’s mouth. But not if it was gay. He didn’t want to do it if it was gay. He didn’t want to think about it if it was gay.

Another question interrupted him: “Do you want this instead?” Even’s hands moved up his thighs and were tugging at the corners of the pillow. Isak had to lower his shield. He was now completely distracted by the feeling of the pillow rubbing against his erection. He didn’t want it but dear god he wanted it so bad. He nodded.

“Okay, let’s do this.” The pillow flopped to the side. Even placed his hands firmly on Isak’s knees and spread them apart, enough to fit himself between them. Even was getting down to business and it made Isak smirk, almost sending his embarrassment away to another room. They were back on familiar ground. Even’s tongue was back on Isak’s skin.

But Even’s hands kept pushing, spreading. “Wait, what—“

“Open,” Even growled against Isak’s hip.

“No, I don’t want to do that.” He didn’t want to do butt stuff; hadn’t they just established that? Isak tried to close his legs.

Even’s head lifted, but he stayed hovered over Isak’s dick. “I’m not touching your ass, just spreading your legs. I want to show you how I get off. It feels better if you spread your legs.”

“What do you mean?”

Even chuckled, which made Isak realize he was repeating himself. But he needed the question answered. “You know when you jerk off you’re just…lying there? Straight?” Even sat up on his knees and relaxed his whole body, making a lazy jerk-off motion near his dick as if he were just trying to kill time in the shower. Which, yes, Isak was familiar with that. He nodded. “You should try spreading your legs wide. In bed, or if you’re standing, open your stance. It just…feels better.”

“But not touching.”

“No. Same ol’ blowjob, just a little more room.” Even bent back down and put steady pressure on Isak’s thighs to move them apart. He scooted forward into the space and then kept pushing. Isak resisted at first but then let his legs spread.

Isak wasn’t flexible. He had a desk job and enough stamina to fuck a girl he didn’t want to fuck or pace a phone room angrily for two hours but that didn’t mean he could do a split on command. His legs didn’t splay very far. But it seemed to be far enough to satisfy Even, who let go of his thighs and cradled his hips instead. Even kissed around his groin, dipping his head to nose Isak’s balls and give them a few licks. That, Isak was okay with. That, Even had done before. Isak just didn’t want him dipping any farther, and he tensed up, ready to spring away if Even crossed an invisible, gay line behind his sac.

But Even moved up, his tongue finally taking on Isak’s shaft in long wet strokes. Isak relaxed and rolled his hips forward, asking for more. Even gave it to him. He got him wet, and then warm, and gave him tongue and throat and fingers and the delicious, particular touch that Isak now recognized as his type. It made Isak arch his back and press his shoulders into the remaining pillows and reach for Even’s hair with clenching fists. Isak’s own throat strained as a moan and a warning tried to escape at once. He choked on pleasure that was nowhere near his airway. “I’m gonna—!“

Even kept Isak in his throat for a few precious, breathless moments. He swallowed him and then released. His hands slid back down to Isak’s thighs and returned that pressure. Isak had to spread and stay spread while Even dealt his final blow.

“Ev—. Oh!”

Isak recognized this feeling too, from that first night, when Even pressed his body against his and pulled his arms up, pinning his wrists to the door. He was both losing control and it was being taken from him. And then, as his balls tightened and Even’s lips clamped, Isak willingly gave up the control too. His legs spread wider than before, chasing the pain in his groin in pursuit of release. His muscles tensed and shook and his cum surged and Even accepted it with the same openness that Isak was offering it. Even opened his mouth and let the tip of Isak’s cock rest on his tongue, so Isak could watch every spurt land and spill.

Isak would never admit it, but Even was right. It felt better. It felt the best.

* * *

When they switched positions, Even spread his legs too. Isak tried to remember if Even had done that before, but if he had, Isak must’ve been too preoccupied with the whole sucking-dick thing to notice something like leg position. But now he did the same thing Even had done, running his hands along Even’s thighs and guiding them wider. His curiosity flared for a moment, as he got a glimpse of the space under his balls, where the cheeks of his round ass started their crevice. But he didn’t touch. He just looked, and thought about it. Most of Even’s skin was smooth and clean, welcoming to a quick swipe of the tongue, but Isak still didn’t want to cross the line, even if he had an open invitation.

After he made Even come, and received a blathering of praise that flowed almost as fast as Even’s jizz, he rearranged the pillows so they could both lie comfortably in recovery.

“I mean it, you’ve really picked up on the whole blowjob thing. You’re a natural.”

Isak laughed again, like he had before. He didn’t know if he was dismissing Even’s assessment or still processing the truth of it. He’d only had a cock in his mouth a handful of times, and it had only been this one cock, a self-proclaimed “beginner” cock at that. How much could he have really improved? And why did he consider that a goal, even if he was falling short of it?

The sun had finally set. The shadows they’d been making with their bodies were now just layers of darkness. Even rolled close to Isak, resting his weight on Isak’s left side, and reaching across his chest for the bottle of juice on the bedside table. “The water is yours.” Even pushed himself up so he could open the bottle without spilling it, but he stayed close to Isak’s side. Isak watched him crack the plastic seal and drink. He thought he could see the liquid moving down Even’s throat and chest, sloshing into his belly, but it must’ve been an illusion. That didn’t stop him from watching though.

“How did you learn to do…blowjobs?”

Even swallowed and panted for a breath before answering. “I have a friend who was nice enough to let me practice.” He wiped at the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Is he gay?”

Even gave a small grimace and tilted his head. “Probably not. He only let me do it a few times, and then he felt weird about it, so we stopped talking for a while. And I’m pretty sure he’s only pursued women since then.”

“But he liked it?”

“Yeah. Well, he liked it until he didn’t. When he stopped asking for it I stopped…sucking.” Even finished his juice. Isak watched the muscles in his throat as he swallowed.

“Did he have a beginner dick too?”

Even laughed. He leaned over Isak to put the empty bottle back on the table. Then he let his body fall backward, spreading across the rest of the bed at an odd angle. “I don’t know. I’d say it was average. But I don’t have a huge pool of dicks to measure it against. And this was years ago, back in high school.”

Isak thought this was a weird conversation to be having, but he was curious. And comfortable. And yeah, maybe he did want to get better at sucking dick. He wanted to be able to do what Even did to him, because it was impressive and only seemed fair, as they spent their nights trading orgasms. “How did…if you only sucked him off a few times…were there other guys?”

Even seemed comfortable enough to answer freely and honestly as well, though Isak didn’t know if Even ever answered in any other way. But it was reassuring to know that his standard style was not inhibited by the topic choice. Isak could be honest if Even was being honest. “Nope. I hadn’t really been attracted to any other guys enough to want to get in their pants.”

“But you’re so good at it.”

Even’s chuckle was soft. “I practiced on popsicles. And a banana. And I read a lot of stuff on the internet. That’s how I figured out how to suppress the gag reflex. But mostly I got good by watching you.”

Isak’s head shot up. “What?!” How was Even improving by watching a novice?

“Just seeing how you responded to stuff I did. Like, now I know that you do like it when I swallow you deep, but not all the time. You like a lot of variety right up until the very end.”

Even’s tone was technical, as if he were explaining a social media strategy instead of a blowjob. But it was still hot. As much as Isak was interested in figuring out the finer details of perfecting a skill, he was quickly being overcome by lust. He tried to turn away, taking a sip of the water Even had provided, but resistance, or even delay, was futile. He turned back toward Even and kept moving, crawling over to his long form. “What else do you know?” Isak lowered and slowed down his voice, trying to change the tone away from his initial inquisition. He laid himself along Even’s body and let his hand roam as well.

Even looked up to the ceiling and gave Isak a small “Hmm.” Isak thought he wasn’t picking up on his request, but then he was surprised by Even rolling his body into his with a poorly aimed kiss. Isak was back on his back and Even found his neck and there was tongue and teeth and some new skills put on display.

* * *

It turned out that Isak liked spreading his legs for other things too. He liked making that space for Even’s body. He could keep his legs wide and surrender to an orgasm or he could wrap them around Even’s thighs and hold him in place. He’d done that before, one night when they were wrestling in bed, but now he was paying attention and understood the purpose of it. The movement wasn’t something to resist, it was something to use, for himself and for Even. With his legs open and Even’s weight pressing their dicks into each other’s bellies, Isak could move his hips counter to Even’s thrusts. They could listen to each other’s labored breathing and the little things they said without realizing.

Isak said it again, through gritted teeth, “Fuck. I wanna fuck you.”

And Even picked up the pace. “Yeah? You gonna fuck me?”

And they weren’t fucking, they were frotting, but it felt close enough to it that Isak wanted more of it. There was heat and grip between their bodies, more when Even slipped his hand down and kept their dicks lined up. Isak’s hands roamed between Even’s neck to his shoulders to his waist, all desperate attempts to keep Even close to him, to never let him stop. His hands got curious and grabbed at Even’s ass, too, but it wasn’t as steady of a grip. Pulling him closer by the ass meant Even’s head drifted upward, out of reach of Isak’s mouth. A couple of times they tried to shift completely upward, but the moves got too awkward to continue. They crashed back down, getting enough of a taste of that variety to resume humping with vigor.

The sweat that Isak didn’t pick up with his fingers dripped down from Even’s collarbone. Some of it Isak could also taste in Even’s mouth, salty as tears, mixing with the sweet remains of the fruit juice. The blanket beneath them got damp. When Even suddenly pushed up to his knees and aimed his red cock at Isak’s chest, the blanket got wetter. Isak moaned at the sight of Even’s orgasm and the pain of his own still trapped in his balls.

But Even wasn’t cruel. Even as his shoulders were still shuddering from the release, he slapped a hand on Isak’s chest and dragged it down, collecting sweat and cum onto his palm. He reinstated a wet grip around Isak’s shaft and stroked him to a quick finish. The cum shot straight up. The blanket got wet again.

As they caught their breath, Even reached for a distant dry corner and pulled it up to their bodies. He wiped away what was left on their skin and then collapsed back onto the pillows. The rest would have to air dry.

They fell asleep for a couple of hours, letting the pleasure of the climax roll right into the pleasure of exhaustion. Isak woke up to Even’s hand on his dick again, but a splayed grip that let a couple of fingers dip down to his balls. He gave Even a sleepy smile and angled his crotch toward him, inviting him to do more, do whatever. Isak’s third orgasm of the night was small but quick, a blessing for a tired body. Even whispered into his ear just as he was coming down from the brief high: “Can I fuck your face?” And Isak gave him another sleepy smile. He let Even straddle his shoulders and point his dick at his mouth. He let Even hold his head above his ears to keep him in place and establish a pace. But he didn’t let Even have all of the control. Isak kept this lips tight and tongue moving. He pulsed and fluttered it under Even’s exposed tip. He brought his hands up to Even’s ass and dipped into his crack. He spread and massaged the cheeks. He multitasked.

When Even was about to come Isak released his lips. He let Even come on his chin. He let go of his ass and let Even sit on his chest. He let Even play with the pearly liquid as it dripped down his neck. Even painted Isak with his softening cock.

At the tail end of their consciousness, Even pulled up the dirty blanket to wipe Isak clean again.

* * *

Isak woke up in Even’s neck. When he opened his eyes, it was still dark, because his face was burrowed between Even’s neck, his shoulder, and a pillow. The rest of his body was half-draped across Even’s back. He lifted his head and felt the cool, dry, air of the room. The sun was up, and Isak could better see the body beneath him in the soft light. It rose and fell with Even’s shallow breaths.

He was facing the right direction this time to see the clock. It was almost ten. Isak felt well-rested after their active evening but was in no rush to leave the bed. He remained draped, but adjusted his head so he had a bit more breathing room. Even shifted beneath him.

There was a murmur. It took a moment for Isak to process the sound as a word. Even had asked, “Time?”

“Ten.” Isak wrote the number with his finger across Even’s back. The next murmur was a laugh, accompanied by a muscle spasm. When Even twitched from the tickle he rubbed up against Isak’s cock and sent him a little thrill. But Isak didn’t want to start anything. He really should get up and get out of there before he wasted the whole day in bed.

Even seemed to be of a similar mindset. He pushed himself up onto his elbows. “God, we smell like sex.”

Isak hadn’t noticed. “That’s just as much your fault as it is mine.”

“Yeah, whatever.” He was mumbling again, and leaning on Isak, and turning his head to land a kiss wherever he could. It ended up next to his eye. “You need to take a shower and I need to make breakfast. We both need to get out of here.”

They tangled briefly, and laughed at their awkwardness. Then Isak rolled away and stood up. Even sent him off with general directions. “Towels are in the bathroom. Use whatever.” Isak walked through the apartment and slowly woke up with the start of a new routine.

Just as he was about to rinse off, he heard Even come into the bathroom. He got scared for a second about his nudity, before he remembered he’d just _been_ spectacularly nude with that very man for the past twelve hours. He peeked around the curtain and saw Even stuffing his blanket into the washing machine next to the sink. He let the curtain fall back, but a moment later it slid open again, and Even stepped into the tub right in front of Isak. “Whoa, whoa, hey.”

“Hold on.” Even whipped his head under the water and then maneuvered himself away from Isak, toward the back of the tub. “Okay, finish up.” Isak was back under the stream, but lost focus on whatever he’d been doing, instead he just watched Even squeeze out some shampoo and lather up. Even watched him back. Then he smirked. “You clean?”

Isak snarled, feeling caught. He turned around without giving an answer and resumed rinsing. He pushed the suds out of his hair and down his body, sending fingers into crevices, trying to rub without arousing himself. It was a challenge, knowing what was standing behind him.

They traded places when he was done. Even had closed his eyes against the soapy water, but continued to instruct Isak. “The red toothbrush is new. Or there’s mouthwash in the cabinet. I put out stuff for breakfast but you can eat whatever you want too.”

Isak dutifully followed the steps. He stepped out and wrapped himself in a grey towel. He finger-combed his curls and brushed his teeth. He recognized the toothpaste flavor from Even’s mouth. He rubbed himself dry and hung up the towel, then walked back to the bedroom to fetch his clothes.

Even had cleaned up their mess. The bed was stripped and the clothes he’d strewed about were gone. Isak went to his pile of socks and underwear, then to the closet for the rest of it. It was actually really nice, what Even had done the night before, and it made him feel rather welcome, a far cry from the snooping and intruding he’d done. As he buttoned up his shirt it hit him that this was possibly an undermining tactic, that Isak couldn’t invade Even’s space if he’d already been invited and settled into it. Isak let out a groan of disappointment. After all that, he’d still lost the game. He pulled his phone out of his pants pocket and saw that the battery was dead. Somehow that added insult to injury. He sulked his way back to the kitchen.

On the counter were a couple of loaves of bread, way too many jars of jam, butter, some cheeses, and a few other spreads. A toaster was pulled away from the wall, and some knives were lying next to it. It wasn’t an over-the-top buffet, but still a significant show of hospitality that Isak was now struggling to claim as a kindness. If he were feeling extra petty he would just leave without partaking, but his mood was firmly defined by the fact that he had had really good sex, really good sleep, and was now really hungry. He decided he could eat some bread and figure out ways to get Even back while chewing. In a small act of defiance, he ate leaning against the counter, not getting comfortable at the table or waiting for Even to join him.

Instead of figuring out ways to annoy Even, he just listened to him in the bathroom. He heard him brushing his teeth and gargling. He heard the washer start with a few beeps. He heard a cabinet shut. And then Even sauntered into the kitchen with his own grey towel slung stupidly low on his hips. Isak accidentally inhaled the bread he’d been chewing.

Even paused to check on him. “You okay?”

Isak cleared his throat and nodded. “You…you have way too many jams.”

Even looked back at the counter, then resumed his path toward it. “I have options. Who doesn’t like options? What did you choose?”

Isak wanted to keep teasing him but couldn’t come up with a retort. “Raspberry.”

“Excellent choice.” Even started building his own breakfast. He moved to the fridge and pulled out more juice, this time straight orange. He poured a glass for Isak and then spread some jam on a slice of bread. Cheese and thin slices of meat went on a second one. He left Isak’s glass on the counter next to him and took his breakfast to the table. It looked like the towel might fall just as Even was sitting down, but it stayed put. Isak hid his new disappointment behind a few swallows of juice.

“Got anything fun planned for the day?”

“I have to go shopping. Get stuff for the apartment.”

“Oh right, how’s that going?”

“Fine. Still sort of getting used to having a roommate that is not Emma. But the new guy has been chill so far.”

“That’s good.” Even seemed to get a faraway look on his face, or perhaps he was just focusing on eating. But he was staring at something else, and eating slowly. This gave Isak the opportunity to continue ogling him from across the kitchen and focus on not choking.

Aside from the surface-level attractiveness that was in front of him, Isak admired the bigger picture: how Even fit into his apartment. Certainly right now, half-naked in a monochrome towel, Even matched the palette of the room. His hair was still wet, so its darkness contrasted with his light skin, which seemed to have been protected from last weekend’s sun. And him sitting alone at the table fit the spare décor. At the same time, Isak knew that if Even walked down the hall and Tarzaned his way through his potted plant jungle, he would fit just as well among his toys. He could blend in with the room or be the playful centerpiece and either way Isak couldn’t stop watching him. He envied the flexibility. He envied the options. He envied the confidence Even had to change and choose.

“Hey.” Even turned to face him. “Do you want to come back tonight?”

“Uh…here?” Isak hated sounding dumb in front of Even yet here he was doing just that.

“Yeah. The ‘to my place’ was implied, since we are in fact, still here.”

If he had any bread left, he would’ve chucked it at Even. Instead all he could do was scrunch up his face in frustration, and this made Even smile.

“You could come over for dinner. I could make tacos. Or whatever you would want to eat.”

“Uh….”

“Or if you don’t want dinner you could just come over later and we could hang out.”

Isak couldn’t answer Even. His mouth hung open while his brain scrambled for words, any words. But there were a thousand questions he had to answer before he could get to a simple yes or no.

Even filled the silence. “Or you could just show up unannounced and break into my apartment. That seems to have worked well for us in the past. Or I could go to your place! I could make tacos anywhere, really.”

“No!” Isak stopped Even’s rambling. “This…this stays here.”

Even shut his mouth against whatever was going to come out next. He reconsidered and followed Isak’s lead. “Just here.”

“Yes.”

“And Maja’s cabin.”

Shit. “Okay, yes. But I mean, it’s private. I don’t want anyone else to know.”

There was silence. Something in Even’s face fell, but it was so subtle that Isak didn’t know if he really saw it. “I know. I just…want to make it a little easier. I want to see you again. And this seemed like a better option, just asking you. Instead of that vague bullshit.”

The problem wasn’t with Even asking, inviting. The problem was that Isak never knew the answer. He never knew it until it was too late, until it was already happening, and he could understand that yes, he wanted it, or no, he didn’t. But he couldn’t think ahead. He couldn’t see what he wanted in advance. He couldn’t answer Even’s original question honestly, even when he was in the one place where he usually could. He gave the only thing he could: “I don’t know. Maybe?” Isak looked down at his feet, knowing how insufficient that answer was.

“Maybe you’ll come over tonight?”

Isak nodded into his chest. “Maybe.” Not a yes or a no, but still an answer. To relieve some of the pressure on the back of his neck he tried to change the subject. “What are you doing today?”

“I’m going to visit some friends. We always hang out on Saturdays. And that’s part of why I was asking you about tonight, because if you wanted to come over then I wouldn’t stay out with them as long. I’d go buy ground beef. I’d come back here and wait for you.”

The pressure turned into an ache, moving from Isak’s neck to his chest. He didn’t have anything to say anymore, not even a “Maybe.” The silence grew.

Then Even pushed away from the table. His chair scraped along the wood floor. His glass and plate clinked together as they were cleared. Even coughed. He gathered the dirty knives and put his dishes in the sink. “Well, I should get dressed. You should get shopping. And maybe I’ll see you later.”

Isak didn’t look up until he felt Even’s hand on his wrist. Then he was being pulled into a hug. He remembered at the last minute that he was not, in fact, a rock solid statue, and could return the slow embrace. Even’s arms had moved in under his own. He relaxed and wrapped his arms around Even’s shoulders. His fingers touched the damp skin near Even’s neck, from the water still dripping from his hair.

“I’ll make tacos, just in case.”

* * *

Isak’s walk home was drawn out and contemplative. He’d left with a mumbled goodbye and one last simple and slow kiss at the top of the stairs. He took his old route back to Emma’s, and then corrected himself toward Elias’s. But the wasted time on the trip hardly registered as he came to terms with what was happening between him and Even.

Whatever it was, was terrifying.

He didn’t want to think about it, and it was all he could think about. He was still thinking about it when he unlocked the door to his apartment and stepped inside, still dancing around a definition. He almost didn’t notice Elias on the couch, or whatever he was watching on the TV.

“Whoa, dude. Are those yesterday’s clothes?”

“What?” Isak snapped back to reality while he took off his shoes. “Oh. Yeah.”

“Congratulations.” Elias leaned over the arm of the couch and offered out his palm. Isak responded with the slowest high five known to mankind.

“Um, thanks.”

“I should’ve known you wouldn’t actually have any trouble getting laid.”

“Ah, yeah. Well, we’ll see where it goes.”

Elias shrugged. “Nothing wrong with a one-and-done. Easy, breezy, beautiful.”

Isak tried to give him a light laugh. He tried to play off the fact that he’d been obsessing over Even for the past hour, and that it was never going to be easy or breezy. Beautiful, yes, but now Even was causing him almost as much anguish as a meeting with the Chief. “Technically I already did the Covergirl, so….”

Elias laughed and gave Isak another high five. Isak tried to retreat to his bedroom but Elias held up his hand to stop him. “Oh, dude. I have my boys coming over in like, an hour. Are you going to be around? Do you want to meet the rest of them? Sometimes they stay for dinner, so we’ll probably be here for most of the day.”

“That’s cool. I have to go out and get some shopping done. Gotta find a chair. But yeah, maybe, if they’re still here when I get back.”

“Cool.” Elias let him go with a thumbs-up.

Isak retreated to his room, carrying a cloud of maybes over his head. He could feel it: a storm was coming.


	19. Storm

Isak had to charge his phone first. He plugged it into the one charger he had, and made a mental note to buy another one along with an extension cord. He couldn’t currently charge his phone and relax in bed, and that was a very necessary position for any human being in this day and age. He also liked the placement of his bed, so he wasn’t going to try to move that closer to an outlet. Isak shut his door, stripped out of yesterday’s clothes, and put on clean underwear and shorts. He waited for his phone to have enough charge to set an alarm, and then he flopped onto his bed to wait some more. He fell asleep, not from any physical tiredness, but just as a way to stop him from thinking in circles over what had happened at Even’s.

His alarm pulled him out of his nap about thirty minutes later. He finished getting dressed and gathered his phone, keys, and wallet. Before Isak left he took a couple of pictures of his room, just in case he needed a reminder of how much space he had and what he needed. Beyond his groceries earlier in the week, he hadn’t made another official list, so he would have to remember what he wanted as he moved from store to store. He gave Elias, who was still on the couch, a wave before he went out.

The shopping was distracting enough. The streets and shops were busy but the weather was nice, so he didn’t mind spending the time navigating the crowds. He found a nice chair that was good for his back and somewhat matched Yousef’s old desk. He arranged to have it shipped to the apartment. Smaller things like the charger and extension cord, some curtains, hangers, sheets, and a set of notebooks that he could sprinkle around the apartment made it home with him. He decided to drop all of those things off before getting the shuttle to Ikea. He’d look at bed storage options there, as well as wall mirrors and area rugs.

As he approached the door to his apartment, fishing for the keys in his back pocket, he heard voices. He did that mental self-adjustment, preparing himself to meet new people. He threw back his shoulders as much as the bags weighing his arms down would let him. Then he stepped inside.

The voices stopped and three heads turned to the door. One of them was Elias, who smiled and jumped to his feet. “Isak!” This was the most excited Isak had seen him, which made Isak nervous. He gave him a little laugh and wave while he worked his shoes off. “Guys, this is the new Yousef.”

The tall guy sitting in the middle of the couch laughed, then stood. Isak put his bags down. The guy walked closer and held out his hand. “Hey new Yousef. I’m old Yousef.”

“Oh, hey, nice to meet you. Thanks for uh, moving out.”

Yousef laughed. It was high and light, but his handshake was firm. And he was just as tall as Isak, with dark hair that he had to flick out of his face every-so-often.

The third guy introduced himself from the arm of the couch, where he looked like he was precariously balanced. “Mikael. ‘Sup.” Isak gave him a head nod, matching his casual attitude. Mikael looked younger than the other guys, but maybe that was just his posture making him look smaller on the couch.

“What’d you get?” Elias started checking out Isak’s bags. “Where’s the chair?”

“They’re going to ship it next week. I just got the little things this time, and I’m going to—“ Isak noticed another person walking into the living room from the bathroom, and he almost choked when he saw who it was. 

Elias followed his sharp gasp and wide-eyed stare to find: “Oh, and Even is here.” Elias turned to Yousef to try to explain Isak’s look. “Even and Isak work together. That’s how this whole roommate thing happened.”

“What?” Isak breathed. Was Even really standing there in his apartment? Was…wait. He knew Elias? “What?” He was still staring at Even, who was standing awkwardly on the other side of the room, but he was asking anyone at that point, to explain what was going on. “What?”

Elias gave him a confused look. “What do you mean, ‘What’? You both work at the newspaper. Didn’t he tell you I was looking for a roommate, and sent the photos and stuff?”

“N-no, that…that was Kari Anne.” It felt like he was trapped in an alternate universe, where everything he’d known was being proved wrong, where his reality no longer existed. “Excuse me, I need to go…put my stuff away and make a call.” He managed to tear his eyes off of Even, grab his bags, and escape to his room. 

He heard Elias call out, “Bro, what the hell?” right before his door closed.

* * *

He was breathing very heavily, as if he’d just sprinted around the block ten times for no good reason. He had to drop his bags and press his hands to his chest, hoping an outside force would calm his lungs down. But he still needed to gasp desperately for air. He collapsed to the ground, his knees hitting first, then his palms coming out to catch him as he fell forward. A chorus of _What the fuck_s coursed through him as fast as his heart rate.

Was that real? Was Even really here? Maybe he’d imagined it. Maybe he was thinking too much about Even and manifested him in his apartment. He’d turned his fantasy into his nightmare. It wasn’t him, he was just seeing things. His subconscious was going into overdrive.

Isak convinced himself that this was a fluke too. A trick of the brain. It was the only thing that would get his heart to slow down and his breathing under control. He stared at the floorboards and thought about the most mundane things he could, like how he would need a hammer and hooks if he wanted to hang a mirror, or maybe he should get a freestanding one. He followed the grain in the wood to the wall and mapped out a place for the mirror. Once he got all of his clothes put away he would know if he needed more space, maybe a small rack with shelves on the bottom. That also depended on how big the chair would be. It had arms, and he’d forgotten to check if it would fit smoothly under the desk, keeping out of the way.

He stood up. He opened his phone, but then remembered he’d bought the notebooks, and he could jot down his thoughts there. Isak rummaged through the bag and picked the blue one to house his apartment notes. This would be good for keeping him on track in Ikea later, too, where he knew his spending could get out of hand. He no longer had a girlfriend to gently guide him away from the very cool looking but absolutely unnecessary color-changing chandelier.

Phew. Yes, this was just a fluke. He could move on with his day. He unpacked the rest of his bags and laid out his purchases on his bed. Then he thought about going out to the kitchen for some lunch, but decided to just wait until he got to Ikea. He opened his phone again. There was a flash of doubt. He looked at his door, still shut. He couldn’t hear any voices out in the living room. Could he usually? He wasn’t sure. Maybe they had good soundproofing. That would be nice, at least, for Elias’s podcasting.

But that doubt. He looked at his phone again, and opened a text. There was Shithead. There were the numbers. He typed, feeling like he was texting a ghost, texting another plane of existence. _Are you here?_ He didn’t get a response right away, not even typing bubbles. Which was fine. It probably meant Even was busy somewhere else, or if he’d seen the text, that he was so confused by it that he didn’t know how to respond. With every silent second that passed, he breathed easier.

Until there was a knock. Then the breathing simply stopped.

“Isak? Can I come in?”

_No. No no no no no no no no no._ He almost didn’t believe it. He walked to the door and opened it, hoping he was wrong.

“Isak—“

“What the _fuck_ are you doing here?” The speed at which his fear turned into anger was almost undetectable. A split second. Less. He almost shut the door in Even’s face, but decided to shove him instead. Shove him into the opposite wall. Shove him all the way out of his apartment. He started to, but Even shoved back.

His anger kept him off-balance, which gave Even an advantage. Isak stumbled backward and Even moved forward, bullying his way into Isak’s room and shutting the door behind him.

“Isak.”

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up. What the _fuck_.”

“Sit down. We’re going to talk.”

Isak didn’t want to listen to Even. But he also didn’t want to follow his orders. He planted his feet and crossed his arms. “No, _you_ talk. Why are you here? _How_ are you here? What the fuuuuuck?”

Even firmed up his stance as well. “Elias is my best friend. Since we were kids. I spend every Saturday here, at his apartment, with our friends.”

“When were you going to tell me this little fact, that you knew my new roommate, that—“ And it clicked for Isak, then, somehow, in his cloud of anger.

His phone was in his hand, still, stuck in a clenched fist. He opened up FaceTime and called Kari Anne. He stared at Even while the call rang. He watched Even’s face fall when they heard Kari Anne’s voice cheerily greet Isak.

“Isak, no.”

Isak smiled. “Hi K! Can you talk now? I just thought this would be a good time to show you my new place.”

“Oh, yay! Okay hold on let me sit up.” Her screen rotated and she ruffled her hair to look more presentable for the tour. Isak waited. Even mumbled something at him through gritted teeth. Then Isak began the pan.

“Okay, so there’s the closet, and I have most of my clothes in there. I’m going to Ikea later to get bins for under my bed. And there’s the bed. Window, and I got curtains for that this morning.” He panned back to the bed to show the curtains.

“Good color.”

“And then the desk, but that chair is not going to stay there. I ordered another one. And then the wall here, which I think will have my mirror, and then Oh! There’s Even! In my _fucking bedroom_.”

Kari Anne recoiled from the way Isak’s voice instantly escalated into a shriek.

“Imagine that! The guy I hate with every fiber of my being just standing here in my bedroom as if this is a totally normal thing and one of my closest friends tricked me into being roommates with _his_ best friend! Isn’t that nice? Isn’t that fucking _great_?”

Isak’s voice couldn’t go any higher. He shoved the phone in Even’s face, giving Kari Anne a close-up of the crime she had committed, and then he hung up. He threw the phone onto the bed with enough force that it bounced off and landed at Even’s feet.

“Isak, you shouldn’t have done that.” Even picked it up.

“Give me my fucking phone.”

“This wasn’t her fault.”

Kari Anne was ringing Isak back. He declined the call and tossed the phone away again.

“So, what, this was a complete coincidence? She didn’t push me into this new apartment so you could have access to every inch of my life and torture me?”

“Don’t be fucking stupid, Isak. She didn’t push you into anything. You made the decision to check out Elias’s apartment and to sublet from him after barely doing a Google search on a stranger. You gave up on looking for an apartment, hell you didn’t even _try_. I knew Elias needed a new roommate so I told him to get in touch with Kari Anne. She was just the messenger, and you were just being a _fool_.”

“Why’d you tell Kari Anne and not me? How is that not a trick?”

Even’s voice had been stern but his anger seemed controlled. Until now. His eyes went wide and hands went up into the air in frustration. “Because you don’t listen to me! You would’ve completely ignored my attempt to help, especially if I was trying to do it directly. And before you backtrack to the whole Emma thing, I know what I did wrong. You’ve explained that clearly multiple times. I wanted to help fix the problems I’d caused, and helping you find a new place to live, which benefited both you and my best friend, seemed smart and like good fortune. I wasn’t going to waste my time trying to convince you it was a good idea when I knew the opportunity simply coming from someone else would make it look more attractive. And it _worked_. You got a place to live that was nearby and didn’t disrupt the rest of your life, and I know Elias is giving you a good deal.”

“Didn’t…didn’t disrupt the rest of my life? Are you fucking kidding me? You just exposed the both of us to a bunch of strangers!” The accusation got caught in Isak’s throat, a truth he was so afraid of that it turned his anger right back into fear and made his whole body tense up. Even stepped toward him but Isak backed up. His voice shook with strain. “I…I told you this morning. This was supposed to stay there.” He pointed in the direction he thought Even’s apartment was. He looked to the blank wall and then couldn’t look back, because he knew he was going to cry if he did. He blinked hard and fast. “You told me not to be afraid, but how can I not be when you actively attack my safety like this?”

He heard Even’s voice drop just like his face had in the kitchen. “Isak…no one knows. You _are_ safe. Even if they did, you would be safe. But they don’t know. Elias knows I...have a giant all-consuming crush on you, but he thinks you’re just my straight coworker who needed a room after a tough break-up. Same with Yousef. Mikael is a little shit who doesn’t care about anything except how good he looks in the mirror. No one knows. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Isak had to fight back his tears. He had to take deep breaths and ignore how shaky his exhales were. He had to stare at the wall and pretend the cliff Even was trying to walk him back off of didn’t exist.

“Isak….”

He felt the tips of Even’s fingers at his wrist, and that was when he lost it. He dropped his head and closed his eyes and the tears fell silently.

Almost immediately Even’s fingers became a grip, and Isak’s weak form was pulled into another hug. It was tight, almost constricting, and Isak let himself collapse into it. His face rested in Even’s neck and his tears transferred from his cheeks to the soft skin that vibrated with a soothing tone. “Isak, no one knows. No one will ever know, if you don’t want them to. I tell Elias everything, but I did not tell him about this. Even now, they’re all in Elias’s room. I didn’t want them overhearing anything. None of your friends found out about it at Maja’s cabin. None of my friends are going to find out about it here.”

Isak shook his head against Even’s shoulder. “No,” he gasped. Even stopped talking and waited for Isak. “No, that was stupid. That was so risky, I can’t believe I let it happen.” He pushed himself off of Even and steadied himself on his own feet. Kari Anne was still trying to call, her smiling face flashing on his screen. “Even, this is so stupid.”

“Isak, no. We can do this. You can…you can just be mean to me and I won’t say anything and everyone will think this is just normal. I mean, you’re so good at hating me, that sometimes I actually believe it. Everyone else does.”

“Because I _do_.”

“Okay, fine.”

Maybe it was the little chuckle that Isak heard in Even’s voice, or the fact that Even was reaching for him again, trying to shush away Isak’s concerns. His anger flared. “Even, stop. You’re not doing this. We’re not doing this.” Isak backed up all the way to his desk. “I’m not even going to say it’s done, because it never happened. You’re going to leave and you’re never coming back. I’m not going to let you do this to me anymore.”

“Do _what_?” The anger jumped back to Even like a flame finding a new fuel source. 

Isak squared his shoulders and stood tall. He tried to steel his voice against the shakiness that had plagued it thus far. “Leave.”

“Isak.” Even was warning him, and then he was begging him. “Isak.”

“Leave.”

And because Even was Even, he did.

* * *

Isak didn’t go to Ikea. He hid in his room after Even closed the door behind him. He listened for voices coming from the rest of the apartment. He heard the vacuum going, and the sound of cooking coming from the kitchen. Then he heard the guys saying goodbye at the door around dinnertime. Isak stayed in bed.

Kari Anne had stopped trying to call him about an hour after he first blew up. Then she switched to texts. Those stopped pinging after about twenty messages. He decided he wouldn’t look at his phone at all, just to save him from having to think up any kind of response. He wanted to pretend none of it happened. He wanted to pretend he came home to his random roommate and walked into his room without seeing anyone else and started hanging up his curtains. He threaded them onto the rod and shoved them to the side to frame the window. Kari Anne was right, they were a good color.

Isak did a little more organizing and unpacking. He checked his work email on his laptop and was relieved to see there weren’t any follow-up questions from the Chief. Then he climbed back into bed and stared at the window. He watched the sky change colors with its sunset. He felt numb. He listened for Elias and thought about nothing.

Sometime later Isak heard the shower running, and then eventually the sounds of Elias putting on his shoes at the door. Isak figured out how much soundproofing their apartment actually had when he heard Elias pound on his wall and announce that he was going out to a club. Isak didn’t respond, partly because he was now frozen with fear: they had definitely heard his and Even’s whole conversation. They knew. 

When the door shut, Isak got up. The fear, the adrenaline, motivated him. He checked his phone. Elias had texted him asking if he was okay, and that he was leaving. Since his messages had gone unanswered, the wall knock and shout must’ve been an attempt at confirmation. Isak turned on some music and bumped up the volume. He thought he put it at the level of shouting, or at least a raised voice. Then he went out into the living room, the kitchen, all the way to Elias’s door, to see what he could hear. He could definitely hear the sound of music, but he couldn’t make out the lyrics at that level. He didn’t know if that was supposed to reassure him, or just grow more doubt about the whole situation. Ultimately he didn’t know, and he was forced to take Even’s word for it, that it had all stayed a secret. Trusting Even was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

He went back to his room and his phone. He turned off the music and read Kari Anne’s messages. They were mostly just a lot of confused questions, until a final: _Even called me and explained. We’re both very sorry about the situation we’ve put you in. I’d like to talk about it with you, or at least help you find a new place that isn’t connected to him._ He both knew Kari Anne was being sincere and that this was a finely crafted apology cooked up between the two of them. Kari Anne functioned as Even’s public relations representative, blocking and redirecting the heat for her client.

As much as he didn’t like that role that she played, she was also still his friend. He did believe that she was just the messenger, and probably wasn’t aware of Even’s more manipulative intentions when she passed along the housing opportunity. He finally replied: _I’ll talk to you tomorrow._ Maybe then he would have a little more clarity on the whole situation, and be able to seriously consider her offer to find a new place. He didn’t really want to—he’d avoided the effort of finding his own place to begin with—but if it was an issue of safety, he might have to. This would also require him to talk to Elias as well, to figure out how much he knew and logistically, what leaving after two weeks would mean to someone he’d promised four months to. Those conversations sitting firmly on the horizon were giving Isak a headache, so he shut them out for the night. He went to the kitchen to get some food and water and then returned to hiding in his room.

* * *

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Isak and Kari Anne were both still in their respective beds. He called her on FaceTime, not caring about his hair or shirtlessness. Kari Anne was clothed but also struggled on the hair front. It was similar to how they would appear at breakfast at the cabin.

“I’m sorry about…everything.”

Isak had to bite back an “It’s okay,” because it wasn’t okay. So he went with the more awkward sounding acceptance of her apology. “I understand.”

“I should’ve been honest with you about the whole Elias connection. I guess I didn’t know how truly upsetting it would be, having to be that close to Even. I just thought…you guys seemed to be sort of getting along? Like yeah, you still insult each other into the stratosphere and sometimes you look like you want to literally stab him but Even would brush it off and other times you’d laugh and…and you survived last weekend together so I thought maybe this would all work out anyway, once you found out on your own.”

Isak snorted. “I probably was figuring out how to tolerate him, but it’s much more difficult when he just shows up at your apartment because he’s your roommate’s best friend.”

“I know.” Her voice was small, hiding among the blankets. “I’m sorry. Even’s sorry. Well, he’s sorry he…kept it a secret. He wanted to make it very clear that he didn’t lie to you. And that he was supposed to be there, at the apartment. But he should’ve told you in advance.”

Isak let the silence between them grow. It felt like he was punishing Kari Anne with it, when he mostly wanted to punish Even with it. He was shooting the messenger. Perhaps she would pass it along, just like she had with the apartment.

“Do…do you want to move out? I remember you said you agreed to four months, but I don’t know what your terms were.”

“Ah shit.” Isak was supposed to send Kari Anne the agreement, but he just realized he never actually got it from Elias. “No, I have to talk to him first. I still haven’t gotten the written agreement from him.”

“Isak!”

“I know, I know. All he needed was the first month of rent though so I just sent that and forgot. It’s been…it’s been a really busy time.” He rubbed his hand across his face, fully understanding how he’s just made this more difficult for himself.

“Well, okay. Talk to him about that, and then maybe talk to him about Even? Maybe you could stay and just figure out some sort of…visitation schedule, where you don’t cross paths.”

“It’s not…it’s not really as simple as that.” Isak didn’t know how to explain it without revealing more than he wanted to to Kari Anne. “It was just so scary suddenly seeing him in a place he wasn’t supposed to be. Sort of like when I found out he was talking to Emma. Normally I _can_ handle him, when he’s at work, when we’re at Nine’s…but this was unexpected. It really seems like he’s stalking me.” He didn’t like how he was describing it but he couldn’t think of any other way. He was turning Even into more of a villain than he actually was, or at least a different kind. But he still needed to justify his response to Kari Anne, and he needed another reason to push Even away that everyone else would believe.

“He’s a nice guy, Isak. Really. As soon as he heard that you would need to move out, he wanted to work with me to get you a good place for yourself. He sent me links and I found stuff but nothing seemed to click with you until he offered up Elias’s room. And then you just jumped on it! I took it as a sign, actually, that maybe this would all work out. It made me nervous but also hopeful. Maybe you guys would bond over Elias and like…just be a bunch of single guys chasing chicks or whatever.”

Isak groaned. “Please don’t ever say that ever again.”

“What?”

“’Chasing chicks.’ But actually all of it. Even clearly has his own friends. He doesn’t need us. It’s pissed me off from the start how he just…shoved himself into our group.”

“Oh Isak, you sound so jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Mmhmm.”

“I’m not! I just think he’s…unnecessary.”

“Unnecessary? What does that even mean? Do people need to hit some sort of standard or quota before you’ll let them sit with you at the table?”

“Uh, yes.”

Kari Anne laughed. He was glad that he could still make her laugh. Isak didn’t realize how tough it was seeing such a sad and remorseful friend through the screen.

“What do I do for you then, hmm? How did I pass muster in order to be the great and wonderful Isak Valtersen’s friend?”

“You’re smart and you proofread my emails.”

She laughed again. “That’s it, huh?”

“Yup.”

“And what about Marius? I _know_ he’s not proofreading anyone’s emails, especially his own.”

“We keep him around to feel smarter about ourselves.” Then they both laughed, because it was a little bit true.

When the giggles faded, Kari Anne looked at Isak. She looked at him through the lens, not just off to the side when you’re watching the other person on the screen. “He’s a good person, Isak.”

“You don’t have to defend him.”

“Okay, but you don’t have to attack him either. We’re just trying our best. We both care about you.”

Isak looked away. He had to swallow hard to stop the tears from building up. He knew what Kari Anne was saying was true. He knew how much Kari Anne wanted to help, because she cared about him. And he knew that Even cared, too. He could hear it in Even’s voice and feel it in his hugs. But he had to remind himself that Even had too much power now. He knew more about Isak than Isak wanted to know about himself, and Isak knew what people did with that kind of information. He’d made a mistake, and now he had to keep Even away.

He turned back to his phone. “I just need my space. I don’t want him literally in my bedroom. If he can just…be normal then…then I’ll allow you to continue being friends with him.”

Kari Anne smirked and sent back some sarcasm. “Thanks.”

Then they were quiet. Isak was thinking about what he needed to do now, what his next step would be in order to maintain the boundary he’d just set up, the wall he was trying to rebuild. He was not guaranteeing anything on his part, except maybe some sort of concession that he would not completely cut Even out of their lives. He wanted to go back to the before, that tense but manageable time when Even was just a coworker. He also wanted to put in as little effort as possible to get there, as if making any more changes now would admit defeat to whatever Even was trying to do. Well, Even wasn’t going to win. Isak would prove how much power he still had, how unafraid he could be. He’d stay where he was and get Even to back the fuck off. “I’ll talk to Elias. It would be better, to stay, because…well it’s really convenient. And he seems okay.” Isak still had to figure out what Elias knew, how involved he was in this secret, but somehow he remained hopeful.

“If he’s Even’s friend, I’m sure he’s okay.”

Isak rolled his eyes. “You have way too much blind faith to be a journalist.”

“You have way too much skepticism to be a human being.”

“It’s what I bring to this friendship.”

“I’m hanging up.” Kari Anne did hang up, but it was with a smile.

* * *

Isak remained in hiding as long as he could. He listened for Elias making a couple of trips to and from the kitchen around midday, and only ventured out once it had been quiet enough to believe he would have the space to himself. Elias had said Sundays were for sleeping, so Isak tiptoed around to gather a breakfast-lunch combination and carried his food back to his room.

He didn’t have much else to do, apartment-wise. He couldn’t go out shopping so he settled for browsing items online. Then when he got bored of that he checked his work email. In addition to getting back into the swing of his investigations with the drug ring, he also wanted to pursue the construction delays with a bit more focus, so he cracked open a new notebook to start mapping the web he’d been spinning. It might’ve all been information he’d been sitting on already, but sometimes just repeating it in a different style helped him see things he couldn’t before. It also made him feel like less of a bum for staying in his room all day.

The next time he heard Elias it was kind of late. Moments after he’d registered the noise as his roommate, a knock came at his door. “Isak?”

For a brief second he considered pretending his wasn’t home. “Yeah?”

“Do you want some chicken wings? I think I’m gonna make this whole bag but I don’t know if I’ll eat them all.”

Isak got out of bed and opened his door. “Um, sure. What kind?” It didn’t matter what kind of wings they were; Isak just needed to contribute to some sort of conversation. Elias held up the bag.

“Barbecue. But this kind is pretty sweet.”

“Nice. Do you need help…or….”

Elias smiled. “No, I can handle the chicken. Um. And then I was going to watch a movie, if you wanted to join me? Or if you’re busy I can just eat in my room. I don’t want to make too much noise.”

Isak turned around and looked at his bed, which was a mess of notes. He wasn’t really at a stopping point, but the idea of suddenly abandoning it all for a couple of hours in front of the TV and stuffing his face sounded really good just then. “No, dude, that sounds great. Let me just clean up a bit and I’ll join you.”

“Nice.”

While Elias got started in the kitchen Isak tidied up. He wondered if he should ask Elias what the deal was with Even, or simply ignore it, If Elias truly didn’t know anything, then nothing would be lost. And if he did, perhaps Isak could send a strong enough signal by ignoring it that Elias wouldn’t say anything, ever. He went with silence.

They picked a movie while the wings were cooking. Isak was surprised when Elias immediately went to the romantic comedies category. “This is what you like, right?”

“Um, yeah. But we can choose whatever you want. It was your idea.”

He didn’t know what he was expecting…maybe an action flick? Or a spy thriller? Maybe even a comedy special. And Isak was ready to enjoy any of those.

“I’m down for something cute. You know that other movie you were watching last week? I went and watched the rest of it on my computer and it was a really nice story. Y’know, the one where the girl is actually a little girl and there’s candy?”

Isak laughed at Elias’s description. “Oh, yeah, that’s a good one.”

Elias was scrolling and saw the movie he was just talking about. He pointed at it silently before continuing on. “Should we do another one with numbers?” He paused on _10 Things I Hate About You_.

“Excellent choice.”

“Okay. Let’s get everything set up first though.” Elias played then immediately paused the movie. They went to the kitchen to get their drinks and plates while the wings finished. They squeezed a couple of dips into some bowls. Elias pulled the whole paper towel roll off of the rack so they wouldn’t have to keep going back and forth for more napkins.

They hovered near the oven waiting for Elias’s timer to go off. Isak was scrolling through his phone when he heard Elias clear his throat, so he looked up. “Um, I just wanted to ask you about what happened yesterday.”

So much for Isak’s plan. “…Yeah?”

“Um. Yeah. So…I didn’t realize that you guys were like, enemies. And I thought you sort of knew how we found each other? It was super weird when you got so shocked seeing Even there, and I didn’t know how to handle it. But uh, I was just wondering if you’re…mad at me?”

Isak almost laughed. “No! Oh man, no. I thought you were mad at _me_. No, you’re fine. I mean, I’m not a fan of your best friend, but you’re not him, so.”

Elias gave him a nervous chuckle. The alarm went off, so he swiped it silent and opened the oven. “But like…are you okay with this whole thing? Like do you want to move out?”

Despite having the exact thought himself, he was surprised to hear it coming from Elias. He stuttered out an honest answer. “N-no.”

“Oh. Because I was talking to Even and he thought you might.”

Isak took a deep breath. “Did…did you hear what we were talking about yesterday?”

“No, he made us go into my room and turn on some music before he went to talk to you.” Elias has used tongs to serve himself his wings and handed the tongs to Isak when he was done. “Mikael was trying really hard to listen in but Yousef made him put on my headphones.”

“Okay.” Isak was slightly relieved. It didn’t sound like Elias was lying or just saying it to make him feel better. But now Isak needed to justify why he asked. “Well, yeah, I got really angry at Even, but that was because Even was being Even. I know it’s only been a week but living here has been really nice, and you’re clearly a chill dude,“—Isak gestured at the movie currently paused on the TV—“so I’m not going to bail on you. But that reminds me I still need you to send me the rental agreement.”

“Oh shit!” Elias turned to pick up his glass of Gatorade. “Sorry. I’ll send it over as soon as we sit down.”

“Thanks.”

They moved to the couch. Elias pressed play and immediately pulled out his phone. Isak dove into his wings and the movie, which he hadn’t seen in a few years and was glad Elias had picked. Sometimes he liked watching these older movies because they were just so specifically old: aggressively American and from a time when everyone took themselves so seriously that it was cheesy. These were the kinds of movies that shaped a generation yet were also dismissed as fluff. The juxtaposition was pure entertainment for Isak.

“Okay, sent.”

“Thanks.”

Elias didn’t laugh as much as Isak, but he still watched intently. Isak surprised Elias by revealing that they were actually watching a Shakespeare play. They both mourned Heath Ledger out loud, admiring the kind of actor who could pull off something as ridiculous as his karaoke performance and still make a couple of guys on a couch swoon a little bit. They paused the movie whenever they had to go back for more wings or a drink refill. Isak watched Kat fall in love despite her best efforts and let his mind drift to Even.

“God, Bianca was such a babe.” Elias returned to his phone while Letters to Cleo jammed out on the roof of the school. “Eh, still is.”

Isak snorted. He started cleaning up. “Ugh, didn’t realize how late it was.”

“Sorry to keep you up.”

He waved away Elias’s apology. “Nah, I probably would’ve done this anyway.”

“Nice to let your mind go blank for a while, yeah?”

“Yeah. I think I’ve been needing it a little more often than usual though.” He didn’t have particular numbers on it, but it felt like his rate of rom-com viewings was going up. At least he had consistent access to a Netflix account.

“No shame, dude. There are worse ways to cope with shit.”

“True.” They cleaned up their dinner mess and went their opposite ways to their rooms. Isak was glad he’d tidied up before the movie, because now he could collapse into bed with barely any more effort.

While he was tired, sleep didn’t come easy for him. He thought a little bit about work, a little bit about the movie, and then a lot about Even. He opened up his texts again and saw his last stupid message, and replayed their last stupid conversation. He whispered the numbers to himself, the codes he knew by heart, as if he were counting sheep. Then he moved on to things, working his way up to ten, just like Kat. He got to ten, then he aimed for twenty.

It felt good for a while, channeling his anger like that, nailing Even in place with every line item. It felt good until he realized it was keeping him awake, until he realized that he was writing a poem.


	20. Chair

When he woke up on Monday Isak didn’t want to go to work. He lied in bed and answered emails from his phone to delay getting to the office. Eventually he rolled into the bullpen just in time for a pitch meeting, and even that was just to keep up appearances.

“Oh my god, I’ve been walking past your cubicle all morning.” Kari Anne finally swung into his space after lunch. Isak spun his chair around.

“Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, you weren’t here.”

“Oh.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” Aside from a general frumpiness—his shirt wasn’t ironed and he’d been absent-mindedly running his fingers through his hair—he wasn’t a total mess. But Kari Anne must’ve had lingering concerns following their phone call.

“Okay. Did you get the rental agreement?”

“Yeah, he emailed it last night.”

“Great! Forward it to me and meet me in a phone room at 4. I will bring chocolate milk.” She swung back out. Isak looked up the email on his phone and forwarded it on to her, not even bothering to check if there was anything he should redact. Then he went to his calendar to make sure nothing was going to get in the way of their meeting. His afternoon was clear.

At the designated time he walked along the wall of phone rooms, peeking into the windows to find Kari Anne. She was comfortably lounging in the third one, with the promised chocolate milks. Isak walked in.

“I should hang out here more often. Fake some calls. It’s quite peaceful.”

“Now you know why I like talking to drug dealers.” Isak grabbed a carton and shook it. Kari Anne dove right in.

“So I read through it—“

“On the clock?”

“Of course. And it seems pretty relaxed. Like, if you wanted to move out you could do so without notice. You wouldn’t get reimbursed for the remainder of the current month’s rent, but anything paid forward would get refunded. I’m assuming the language is so…nice, because Elias was subletting to Yousef too.”

Isak nodded. “Yeah. Even said I was getting a good deal, money-wise, too.”

“You talked to Even?” Her voice went high with hope.

“Not since Saturday. That was just part of the yelling.”

“Oh.”

“But thanks for reading through it. I think I should be able to stick it out, at least for those four months.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well, no. But I’m also not exactly ready to move out. And Sunday was nice. I had dinner with Elias and we watched a movie together.” It wasn’t quite bonding like a girls’ night, but it was pretty close for a couple of dudes.

“What if Even shows up again?”

Isak shrugged. “I’ll just stay in my room. They can do their weekly friend thing and I can do whatever.” Kari Anne gave him a skeptical look but didn’t press further. Isak wouldn’t have had a satisfactory answer if she had, anyway. He was torn between standing his ground and imprisoning himself, versus literally running away to another part of the city. Today especially, he was too tired to run. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do anyway? Just ignore him?”

“Not really, Isak. Not now.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s our friend. You don’t just ignore someone you’ve become friends with. If you have a problem, you figure out what it is and try to fix it, to maintain the relationship. It’s the respectful thing to do.”

“We’re not friends.”

“Why not?”

“We never were! I don’t get why you keep trying to force it.” Isak wasn’t exactly raising his voice, even though it wouldn’t have mattered in the phone room. He was just slightly annoyed. Kari Anne had always been encouraging of them opening up their circle for Even, so he wasn’t surprised that she was still gently trying to get him on board. It just felt frustrating that she wasn’t understanding the basic fact that they would never get along. Some strange magic worked on them in the bedroom, sure, but it would never work in the real world.

“You know…I’m not sure I get why I keep trying to force it either.” She took a swig from her carton. “But I like Even. And I really like you, and respect you. And it feels like I’m doing something wrong if I like something that you don’t. It feels like I’m missing whatever you’re seeing that makes him such a monster to you. So...maybe I’m forcing it so I don’t have to keep doubting my own judge of character.”

Isak clicked his tongue. “Don’t do that, K. Maybe he’s fine for you. He just doesn’t…we’ll never get along, okay?”

“It’s going to annoy me until I figure out why though.”

“You and me both, kid.” Isak slumped down in his chair and continued drinking. It was a mystery that Isak wasn’t sure was worth solving, but one that was sure to annoy him on a journalistic level. Maybe he could turn one of his notebooks into a map of Even, starting with the shopping list that was hiding on his laptop.

Kari Anne moved on, not aware of how much Isak’s mind was still stuck on Even. She took their little break to vent about her work and who was getting on her nerves and how. Isak provided the unwavering support of a good work husband: explaining back to her how every other person was wrong in those situations and egging on her fantasies of revenge.

“I’m probably going to add an hour to my reply time for every unnecessary email I receive.”

“They might not be smart enough to understand what you’re doing.”

“Sounds like a them problem.”

Isak laughed. He liked when Kari Anne was petty and savage. He could learn from the best.

The momentum for the rest of the work day disappeared faster than the chocolate milk. They both trudged back to their desks to waste the rest of the day. Isak even switched it up and sent Marius a meme, for a change.

Isak managed to avoid Even completely, only looking over at his office when he noticed him leaving to go home.

* * *

Most of the week progressed like that, like the weeks used to before Even came into their lives. Isak worked hard on his two main stories and picked up smaller things to whip up and publish in the meantime. He got copy requests from Even and approved them with barely a glance. Even no longer added personalized commentary reflecting on Isak’s writing, which made it easier. And when Even called a company-wide status update to present his work, Isak added it to the calendar without flinching. As quickly as the storm had advanced, it receded, leaving barely a cloud in the sky.

At first this made Isak suspicious, but he quickly accepted it as the relief that he needed. Even didn’t even show up to Nine’s on Friday, and Isak relaxed.

“Where’s Even?” Maja asked, when she arrived to the booth. They were evenly spaced out, and she slid in next to Kari Anne.

“He…had to work.” Kari Anne offered the excuse in the most unconvincing voice possible. Isak avoided her glance. Maja was too distracted by whatever Marius was drinking to debunk it.

Marius offered her a sip of his cocktail. “I decided to celebrate.”

“Oh, what are we celebrating?”

“I told Ida that I’m going to the cabin next weekend with you guys, but I did not invite her.”

Maja gasped, adding her appropriate theatrics to the event. “What’d she say? Did you tell her this at work? Oh my god Marius!” She leaned across the table to demand the details.

“I told her this morning, before work. She was fine with it, I think.”

“No no no no no, Marius. I need to know exactly what you said and then exactly what she said. I’m 99% sure she was not fine with it.”

“Maybe she was, Maja, maybe she was chill.” Kari Anne tugged on Maja’s arm to get her to sit back down. She was practically in Marius’s face. Maja plopped down like a child upset that she had to wait for dessert.

Marius shrugged, unable to give her the details she wanted. “I don’t know. She was quiet for a minute and then told me what she was planning on doing next weekend too. Then we talked about breakfast.”

“Oh she’s pissed.”

Kari Anne, despite her earlier hesitation, nodded in agreement.

Marius looked at Isak, who was just as baffled by the quick and savage ruling. “What?”

“I don’t know, dude! Do I look like I know anything about women?”

“You know how to break up with them,” Maja pointed out.

“Barely,” Isak muttered as he took another sip of his cider. “At best I can let you know when Ida has started fucking the Chief.”

“Actually, he can’t let you know that. But Even can.” Kari Anne’s correction sent the whole table howling, including Isak. He could laugh now. He could laugh about his life as long as it wasn’t actively being torn apart by a devastatingly attractive man.

Isak drank and ate with his friends. They planned for their next weekend trip, without Ida. They were free to meet up at the office without having to make a stupid detour to the hotel. Marius had to defend himself one last time. “But it worked! It worked! It’s still a secret.” They all laughed loudly to cover up the fact that Marius was about to announce his secret to the whole bar. Isak pulled Marius into a headlock to get him to shut up. Still, he mumbled into Isak’s chest, unable to hold back on boasting: “I’m fucking our hot HR rep.”

“Not next weekend you aren’t. And you’d better not make any moves on me.” Isak released his head and shoved Marius away.

“After my eighth I will no longer be held accountable for my actions.”

“We’re going to save so much money on alcohol then.”

It was fun. Isak hung back at the table while they went for a smoke break, but passed the time with an overdue review of Emma’s Instagram. He hadn’t checked since last week’s pizza date, so he read through the comments of the five new posts, one of which included Beverly. There were a few mentions of Isak, some people wondering where he was. Nothing specifically romantic was being posted about Beverly; she was still clearly a familiar, platonic face. Isak, feeling friendly, was tempted to write something supportive, but wondered if that was now out-of-bounds, considering how she was trying to slowly filter him out of her profile. He’d have to ask her that on their next date.

He was working on a text to her asking about scheduling said date when his friends returned. Well, the girls did. Marius went directly to Thomas for refills. He forgot about his message while they caught him up on Marius’s antics. The girls were considering starting a pool for the break-up.

“Do you really think it’s not going to last?” For all of his teasing, he was surprised by their genuine skepticism.

“He’s just so…oblivious. I think he’s just going to fuck up too many times for it to be worth it for Ida.”

“Is something like this weekend considered a fuck-up?” Isak was interested in their relationship advice as if he had one of his own to salvage.

“I don’t know, maybe not. But we talked last weekend about it, remember? I tried to explain what certain things actually meant, like how actions are interpreted by the receiver. And sure, asking her if she wanted to join this weekend would’ve possibly resulted in her joining, by skipping that step entirely he sent the message that she was not welcome at all, and that her last visit was possibly a mistake.” Kari Anne tried to walk Isak through her reasoning this time. He clearly hadn’t been listening.

“But he doesn’t actually want her there, so why invite her? Why lie about that and then suffer another weekend, possibly adding even more tension?”

“Well if he wants to be honest about how he’s feeling then he should also be upfront about it. Otherwise Ida is just going to come up with an explanation on her own and the intended honesty is just moot.”

“Communication!” Maja brightly concluded.

“Yeah, that old bag.” Kari Anne gave her a warm smile.

“What’d I miss?” Marius asked as he rejoined the table, sliding two beers across to the girls.

“We’re still learning how to talk to women.”

Marius slid his own beer glass to clink against Isak’s. “Class is in session.”

* * *

On the bus ride home Kari Anne was again tucked under his arm. They swayed with the crowd and listened to the excitement of the weekend bubbling up around them. They’d done plenty of talking at the bar, again going over Marius’s relationship roadblock and coming up with alternative actions for him to take to repair the assumed damage. Marius was inclined to wait, to see if Ida was actually angry and if she wanted to speak up about it, but the girls definitively told him that if she did, by then it would be too late.

After Kari Anne blew him a kiss and hopped off the bus, Isak pulled out his phone. He opened up the message he’d been typing to Emma. He got distracted again as the bus rumbled past Even’s stop, and he strained to see if Even might be out on the sidewalk. It was silly; if he had been, Isak still didn’t know what he would’ve done. So he returned to the message. He was going to ask her when their next date would be, but now all he wondered was, _When did it become too late?_ When did it become too late for Emma? When did it become to late for any other woman?

As he sat there in the booth with his friends going over hypothetical relationships and personal histories in order to figure out a path to healthy romance, Isak kept trying to figure out what his place was in it all. He didn’t have much to contribute, and almost everything everyone else said was thrown into a shadow of doubt, since what he’d thought were good examples of love and respect and joy had ended up crumbling under…whatever that fatal mistake had been. In addition to blaming himself he wanted to blame the mystery that was women in general. Underneath the blame though, he just wanted an answer. He wanted to know why so he could know how to avoid it again. He might’ve been fixating on the past but it was only because he wanted to look forward.

Isak could ride the bus to his new apartment now without getting mixed up by his old stop. He pressed the button and hopped off as lightly as Kari Anne had, ending his evening much earlier than everyone else on the bus. He walked home and let himself in and found Elias sitting on the couch with his laptop.

“Hey man. Not staying out tonight?”

“Eh?” Had he texted Elias that he was going to do that?

Elias just shrugged. “Last weekend you stayed out.”

“Oh.” Oh. It felt so long ago now, that he’d followed Even home and slept over. “No, that’s…I’m not doing that anymore.”

Elias shrugged it off again. “Rebounds aren’t meant to last forever.”

Isak gave him a weak laugh while he took off his shoes. “Yeah.”

He went about his bedtime routine, drinking some water, changing into pajamas, brushing his teeth, and peeing before crawling into bed. Elias stayed on the couch while Isak moved about the apartment. It looked like he was writing something on his computer, but Isak didn’t stop to ask what. He sort of wanted to talk to Elias some more about dating, to get another perspective on it outside of his friend group, but he was too tired for that tonight. Maybe he’d save it for another movie night, when he could use a fictional relationship as a jumping off point.

* * *

In the morning his brain picked up where it had left off the night before. His thoughts were slowed down slightly by his hangover, but he took them to the kitchen for more water and sat in front of the open window. The morning was cool, though the day promised heat. After he drank his glass of water he mixed up some yogurt and granola and cracked open a banana. He took his time.

The only thing Isak had on his schedule for the day was to wait for the chair delivery. He’d been given a large delivery window but hadn’t given much thought to it while he was in the rush of shopping last week. So now he just had to wait and hope it would at least arrive before lunch. If so he could finally make that Ikea trip. After he finished eating he went to the bathroom to shower; he could get ready to avoid further delays later.

He paused outside Elias’s room to listen for any awake noises. He hoped the shower wasn’t going to cause trouble, though he showered much earlier than this during the week and Elias never complained about that. So he cleaned himself up without further concern. While he was brushing his teeth though, he heard voices. He was about to conclude that Elias was awake and watching TV, but the voices sounded…familiar. He rinsed his toothbrush, tightened the towel around his waist, and leaned close to the door to listen for one voice in particular. Like when he had played music before, he could hear the voices but not distinguish what they were saying. They sounded like Elias’s friends though, coming to hang out at his apartment like they always do.

There was a knock on a door, and Isak hopped back. But it wasn’t on the bathroom door. He could hear the words now. “Elias? Man, you up?”

Everyone was quiet while they waited for an answer. Isak was confused, because if Elias wasn’t awake, then how did they get in? Oh, Yousef must still have a key. He leaned in. Another voice spoke up: “Wait is he in the bathroom? The light is on.” Then another knock came, right next to Isak’s head.

“Hold on!” Isak automatically squeaked out.

“Oh shoot, I forgot about Isak.”

Isak pulled open the door to find Yousef and Mikael. Almost immediately Elias’s door opened, and a very sleepy roommate peered out at the crowd.

“Noisy fuckers,” he mumbled. He pushed past Yousef and Mikael, and Isak hopped out of the doorway so Elias could continue directly to the bathroom.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Mikael called out to the now-closed bathroom door.

“Alright, let’s go. Sorry Isak.” Yousef steered Mikael back to the living room by his shoulders. Isak followed. 

He’d planned to scamper across the living room to the privacy of his own room, where he could finish drying off and get dressed. But he stopped in his tracks when he saw Even sitting on the couch, sitting next to another guy who Isak hadn’t met yet. Even glanced up at him, and then looked away with disinterest. “Isak, this is Mutasim. He goes by Mutta. Mutta, this is Isak, Elias’s new roommate. I work with him at the newspaper.”

Mutta twisted around and extended a hand over the back of the couch. Isak stepped forward to shake it. “Nice to meet you.” He was another lanky guy with flowing black hair and a big smile. It made Isak smile in return. He was glad that Even was turned away and wouldn’t see his face with anything but a scowl. But he was immediately at ease with Mutta, and almost tempted to hang out with the guys as they gathered in the living room. It was strange. “I, uh, have to go get dressed.” Isak excused himself.

In his room, he had to gather himself for a moment. He held his towel tight at his waist and took a few deep breaths. He had to process what had just happened, how Even appeared in his apartment and Isak managed to be polite through his shock. He both wanted to and didn’t want to blow up at Even for intruding, for defying his orders from last week, and not wanting to show Even that his presence bothered him. He could be just as disinterested, and perhaps that would knock Even down a peg or two. Isak proceeded to get dressed, picking out something casual enough to convey that disinterest but not so sloppy that he would be judged by Elias’s friends. He ended up in a short sleeved polo shirt and grey khaki shorts, which was also something he would wear to the office on the weekend. This was a good option in case he actually had to escape his own apartment.

Which he wasn’t going to do. He wasn’t going to run. But in case he had to, he looked decent.

Isak hung out in his room for a bit, holding his phone and scrolling through stuff but really just trying to listen to the guys on the other side of the wall. He figured out that they were playing a video game, and whenever their voices started crescendoing someone would hush them and they would go quiet. He tried to pick apart the voices, recognizing Even’s deep lines and high laughs instantly. The others were more difficult. He thought he could isolate Elias as well, but it was hard when there weren’t distinguishable conversations for him to follow.

Since he was so focused on listening to the voices, he missed the sound of the apartment buzzer announcing the arrival of his package. It had been brushed off as another sound effect from the game, so he startled again when there was a knock at his door. “Isak? You have a giant ass package downstairs.” He hopped up and threw open the door, ready to apologize for making Elias handle his business.

“Thanks.”

“What kind did you get?” Elias remembered he was expecting a chair.

“Steelcase.”

Elias waited a beat. “I don’t know why I asked that. I don’t know shit about furniture.” Isak laughed. He let Isak pass him and then followed. “I really should do some research though, because I sit at my desk way too much.”

“Yeah, I had narrowed it down to a few brands that had good recommendations online, and then went and sat in some of them at a showroom. Plus there’s a woman at the office who paid for her own chair because what we got was hurting her back.” As Isak put on his shoes, he noticed Elias was too. “Are…are you going out?” The rest of his friends were still sitting on the couch, playing the game.

“You’re going to need help carrying it upstairs.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

Isak led the way downstairs. He and Elias navigated the bulky box up to the apartment, working together like they had when Isak had first moved in. Even held the door open for them when they finally got it up the stairs. 

“”Let’s—oof—let’s just drop it here.” Elias let go of his side of the box right next to the couch. The pieces inside squeaked against whatever material was protecting them. “It’ll be easier to build in this space.”

Isak didn’t have much of a choice. He wasn’t about to try to drag the box himself to his room, and Elias was right. The combined space of their entryway and the living room gave him the most room to spread out and assemble the chair. He didn’t like having to do it with an audience, but this was not a battle he needed to fight. He sat down next to the box to catch his breath.

A moment later Even stood up. He handed his controller to Elias to take over. Isak watched him walk into the kitchen and pull open a drawer. He came back into the living room and went right to Isak’s side. He held out a pocketknife and two screwdrivers. Isak simply let his head fall back and stared up at him.

“What kind of chair is it? You can look up unboxing videos on Youtube to help you assemble it.”

Isak finally found his voice. “Okay. Thanks.” He reached up to take the tools. After he did that, Even pulled out his phone.

“Steelcase?”

“Yeah.”

Isak just stared at him, somewhat unbelieving of what was happening, of the civility Even was showing him. In the week since they’d last talked, last yelled, Isak hadn’t taken the time to really consider what their relationship had been and what he wanted it to be going forward; he’d just wanted Even gone. So he didn’t know how to take the…kindness? Or at leas the consideration, that Even was showing him now.

There was a part of him that was suspicious, as it always had been, with Even. His motives were usually hidden and aggressive, so Isak wondered if this was another tactic to reintroduce himself and get dangerously close before pulling another stunt again. But most of Isak simply felt weak. He slumped his shoulders and looked at the tools, too tired to resist the kindness. Even had listened to him, he’d left. And now he was back. Sure, he was pushing Isak’s boundaries, but Isak knew that he almost wanted him to. If Even pushed those boundaries then Isak could let them fall.

He took a deep breath. Even was playing a video, watching it with his brow furrowed. Elias and his friends were still playing their game, though their voices and the sound effects were muted.

“Oh. You don’t have to assemble it.”

“What?”

“Open it, it’s already assembled.” Even flipped his phone around to show Isak the video he’d found, where his chair was being hefted out of the box intact.

“Shit,” Isak mumbled, before reaching up and swiping the knife along a taped seam. He stood, discarding the screwdrivers, and opened the box the rest of the way. Even took the screwdrivers back to the kitchen while Isak pulled bubble wrap from around the chair. When he came back, he whistled.

“That’s a fucking nice looking chair.” They both reached in, each grabbing an arm, and lifting it free. There was still some bubble wrap taped around the arms and legs, so they peeled it off together. “Jesus, Isak.”

“This is the one Marthe has. I sat in it once.”

“If her chair suddenly goes missing, you’d better keep your mouth shut.” Even spun the chair around, checking it out like guys check out fancy cars on the street. “Can I try it?”

Isak had been just as impressed with Marthe’s chair, but now he laughed at Even’s excitement. “It’s a chair, dude.” He scoffed, but let Even indulge anyway.

While Even eased himself into the seat, Isak started popping the bubble wrap and breaking down the box. Even scootered the chair onto the living room rug. His friends complained when Even pushed himself in front of the TV. It looked cute, the way he was pushing himself backward around the room, and Isak had to stifle a smile while he wrestled the cardboard into a flat stack.

Suddenly Elias stood up. “_Wait_. Eh?” He looked at his friends and asked a question with just an uplifted tone. Somehow all of his friends knew exactly what he was asking. “Ehhhh?” He egged them on. Mikael and Mutta were excited. Yousef was hesitant but smiling. Even was looking at Isak.

“No.” Even stood up.

“Aww come on,” Mikael whined.

“What?” Isak looked at each guy in turn, trying to translate the hidden conversation.

“We can move the couch, just like we used to!” Elias turned to Even to lay out his argument.

“It’s a new chair, we’re not going to do that.”

“Do what?” Isak had to raise his voice slightly to be heard over Mutta and Mikael’s conspiratorial giggles.

Even sighed and explained. “They want to do a chair derby, racing your chair against Elias’s across the apartment.”

Isak let out a laugh but had to stifle that too. “Actually, um, yeah. Maybe not right now. But I still have Yousef’s chair if you want to do it.”

Mikael was off the couch in a flash.

“Mikael!” Even ran after him, shouting “Sorry!” at Isak as he passed. Isak followed them into his bedroom and watched them wrestle over the chair. Mikael was the smallest of all of them, but somehow that meant he could sneak under Even’s limbs and commandeer the chair. He quickly declared victory, ass firmly planted in the seat.

“Now, push me to the living room so I may meet my challenger!”

Even looked at Isak again, asking for permission. Isak stepped into his room, out of the doorway, and gestured to let them pass. He was rewarded with a smile from Even that he didn’t know what to do with. He held it to his chest as Even pushed Mikael out of his room.

Isak went back out to the living room, but not to watch or engage in the boys’ antics. Elias was already waiting with his chair, a high-backed, expensive-looking one for gaming (though probably purchased for its color scheme), and Yousef and Mutta were pushing the couch back to make a clear lane. Isak kicked his garbage closer to the door until he could store it properly for their next trip out to the dumpster. Then he took his new chair and pushed it back to the safety of his bedroom.

Behind his closed door, Isak finally got his chance to sit in it, and he adjusted the height and tilt at his desk until it felt comfortable. It had been a splurge, definitely, and he tried to think back to last weekend, what mindset he’d been in when he was shopping. It was after he had returned home from Even’s, before everything blew up. He’d been treating himself, committing to making his room a place he wanted to be in, to stay in. He’d planned for a whole day of it, ready to settle into this new place with things that he could call his own, untouched by a past relationship. And he still wanted to do that. He still had to get over to Ikea today. He would need a rug to go under his chair so he could roll it smoothly without scratching up the floors.

Isak spun around in his chair and thought about how he’d felt last week and how he felt now. He noted what hadn’t changed and what had. It was easy to skip over the work week by busying himself at the office and simply not thinking about what he wanted. He’d been numb. He’d gotten good at that, and executed it unconsciously, picking it up like the old habit that it had been. But seeing Even smile at him…well it was confusing to say the least. He didn’t think Even was welcome back in his apartment, in the space he was making for himself. That smile, though. Isak had missed it, and was glad it was back. It fit, just like the chair. He held onto it because he wanted to feel it.


	21. Prosecutor

Isak finally got to Ikea that afternoon, leaving Elias and his friends to treat their chair derby injuries on their own. He spent Sunday putting the finishing touches on his room, and he gave Kari Anne another, though much calmer, tour via phone call on Sunday night. Isak thought he was doing her a favor, but just being able to talk with someone helped. In exchange for her additional advice and fantasies of painting his walls, he talked a little bit more about his upcoming date with Emma and what exactly would go down in pursuit of an innocent photo opp. He’d finally gotten their next meeting scheduled for the following week.

Then there was another Monday, another workweek, another timely trek to his desk. After spending time in his nice new chair, he noticed how much his office chair was lacking. He talked over the wall with Marthe about it. She advised him on some cushion suggestions that might help but Isak laughed it off. “If it gets bad enough I’ll just work from home more often.” She agreed that that could benefit him in other ways as well.

Isak didn’t mind the bullpen that much, and often found the atmosphere to be motivating and insightful. He was grateful for the space and the opportunities it gave him; they usually outweighed any extra stress he picked up. Even when things were tense with Even, Isak still preferred being at his desk and being aware of what was going on. When he wasn’t interacting with people he was still learning by observing. Just like secrets flowed over the booths at Nine’s, so did they over the walls of the bullpen.

So Isak did his work and kept his peripheral vision open. He made his glances toward Even’s office but didn’t linger. He registered what Even was wearing and how serious he looked. If he was alone with his computer, his face was either relaxed or his brow was furrowed in concentration. If he had someone in his office that he was talking to, a coworker doing a drive-by visit or his assistant reviewing their work, he usually sounded cheerful and encouraging. Isak listened for the sound and held it with Even’s smile.

On Wednesday Jakob had casually come by Isak’s cubicle to catch up, and it turned into a slightly more serious brainstorm about their progress. It was interrupted though, when the Chief’s assistant stepped up next to Jakob in the entrance to Isak’s cube. She waited patiently for Isak to finish talking and then interrupted. “Sorry Jakob, but I need to steal Isak for a quick meeting.” She smiled sweetly and waited for Jakob to walk away.

“What’s this about?” Isak was shocked but tried to remain calm. He’d never been called into a meeting like this before, and he was already jumping to conclusions in his head.

“He just wants to have a quick chat about the story you were presenting the other week.”

Isak stood up. “Should I bring anything?”

“Nothing extra, not right now. It’ll be really quick, I promise.” Trude sounded earnest, like she was trying to de-escalate his fear instead of gloss over it with thin kindness. Isak swiped his phone, badge, pen, and pad from his desk, the absolute bare necessities for any kind of meeting in the office. Trude led him down the hall. He caught Even’s eye as they went past his office, because Even seemed to have already been on alert by Trude’s presence. Isak was sure a lot of people were, as the sight of Trude away from her station outside the Chief’s office was rare. Isak kept his face forward, not meeting the eyes he felt on the back of his neck. They approached the Chief’s office in silence.

* * *

The meeting was quick. Trude waved him over to her station when he exited. “So I’m going to set up your next touch-base for tomorrow, and then we’ll figure out something weekly. Okay?”

“Sure.” Isak didn’t have much of a choice but to follow along. He stood next to her computer and opened his own calendar on his phone. He agreed to come back to the Chief by the end of the day tomorrow and Trude set up the formal invitation. He opened it and accepted it in front of her. “Thanks.”

“Thanks, Isak! See you tomorrow.”

Isak walked back to his desk, still recovering from the steady rollouts of shock he’d just been dealt over the past twenty minutes. The meeting had been quick and to-the-point, as promised, but now he needed time to process it all. Unfortunately, when he got back to his desk, Marius was in his seat.

“Duuuuuuude.”

“What?” For some reason Isak looked down at his shirt, as if Marius was commenting on a stain.

“The Chief called you in for a meeting? What the hell?”

“How’d you know?” Isak stepped into his cube as a way to get Marius to lower his voice. Marius’s office wasn’t on the route to the Chief, but of course he didn’t have to see it first-hand.

“Even emailed us.”

“Oh.” It wasn’t surprising behavior at this point, both because it was Even and because Isak had done the same sort of thing when he needed to send a quick gossip item that wasn’t too steamy to take off of the work email servers. “Yeah, the uh, prosecutor, one of the prosecutors came in to talk about my work.”

“The drugs or the construction? Or something else?”

“The drugs.”

“Are you in trouble?”

“Not sure.” Isak leaned against his desk. “I don’t think so. But I’m under observation.”

Marius made a weird face. “Observation? That sounds like…a warning.”

Isak shrugged. “Maybe it is. But it was pretty quick, just an introduction. They know what I’m working on, and now the Chief wants more regular updates from me.”

“This sounds shady.” Marius literally rubbed his chin as if he were trying to solve a crime on his own. It made Isak laugh, because at that moment, Marius was taking it much more seriously than Isak.

“Okay, well, can you go try to figure it out back at your desk? I need to do some work. I have another meeting with the Chief tomorrow.”

That was enough to get Marius to pop up out of Isak’s chair. They did a small dance as they switched places. “What time is the meeting?”

“Five.”

“Okay, come by my office when you’re done and let me know what happened. Or wait, should we just immediately go to Nine’s?”

“Tomorrow is Thursday.”

“Yeah, but since we’re missing Friday because of the cabin, maybe we should go a day early.”

Technically it made sense to both of them, but Isak brushed it off as a very Marius reasoning. “Maybe? It depends on how brutal that meeting goes, and then I need to go home to pack.”

“Dude, all you need is a pair of swim trunks and sunglasses. It’s not going to take that long.”

Isak shooed him out of his cube. “I have to do laundry. Go away.”

Marius did as he was told. Isak noticed that he stopped by Even’s office on the way, but Isak’s gaze didn’t linger to try to figure out what they were talking about. He turned to his computer and stared at the sleeping screen for a while. He still had to process what he could remember from the meeting before even thinking about looking at any of his other work.

He had taken paltry notes during the meeting. He had the prosecutor’s business card tucked into the pages of his notebook, and then some introductory statements before Isak realized what was happening. _Erik -> investigating three leads -> Sparky is an officer_. It wasn’t anything worth adding to his research, and actually felt more like roadblocks. He wanted to shove them, the prosecutor, away. He settled for pushing his notebook to the side and tapped his space bar to wake up his computer.

There was a subject-line-only email from Kari Anne that was just a bunch of question marks. And then there was a calendar invitation from Even, remarkably not blank. It was set for 7 o’clock that evening, a few hours from then, and labeled: “burritos.” It was still a mystery and felt like a conversation that Even was having both with him and without him, which was often the case. He brushed it aside to focus on actual work emails, and then start another presentation for the Chief. He was truly on a deadline now.

Kari Anne stopped by his cubicle on her way home for the day. “Marius told us what happened.” Isak just gave her a small grimace and a nod. “Staying late?”

“Yeah, have to get this done by tomorrow.” Beyond updating his original presentation, he had to organize and lay out all of the details of his research, even the small threads and dead-end (to him) roads that the Chief might be interested in. The actual workload was a little less, but the pressure was on considering who he was handing his incomplete information over to. It was going to be a long night.

“Okay, well…get home safe. Remember that you’ll need sleep, too.”

Isak gave her a wry smile, which she returned. They had both had their fair share of late nights, and they understood the sacrifice they were making wouldn’t so easily be given up for something like sleep. So she wished him good night and left, knowing she was doing the most she could do by not wasting any more of his time.

Isak went back to work, slipping on headphones when he needed to listen to older recordings of notes and transcribe them. Most of his work was off the record, research he was putting toward confirming actual sources, so he was working against his own disorganization and speculation. He sighed whenever he couldn’t follow his own trains of thought. Coworkers gradually left the bullpen for the evening behind him.

Isak didn’t notice the time until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun around in his chair and pulled off his headphones, which hadn’t been playing anything but did well to help him focus by blocking out any remaining noise. Even was at the entrance to his cubicle holding a bag. “Burrito?”

He didn’t know how to respond, and thus went with his reflex: sarcasm. “Congratulations?”

“They’re dinner. Do you want one?”

“Oh.” Isak looked back at his computer, checking the time. There was the calendar invitation popping up as well, supporting Even’s presence with burritos. “I didn’t know that’s what you meant.”

“Weird using actual words to communicate, huh.”

Isak glared at him. “Barely. That was one word. What the fuck was I supposed to interpret that as?”

Even shrugged. “If I had written ‘dinner’ you probably would’ve declined.” He tossed the bag onto Isak’s desk then leaned back out into the hall. He twirled his desk chair around and into Isak’s cube.

Isak opened the bag. Now that it was close enough he could smell it, and in response his body felt hunger. “If I recall correctly I didn’t accept it either.” There were two large burritos wrapped in foil. He pulled them out and set them on the last clear space of his desk. Even sat in his chair and scootered close enough to grab one.

“Considering your history with my calendar invitations I took a safe bet.”

Isak made a show of unwrapping his burrito and making a small ball of foil to chuck at Even’s head. He dodged it with a smile, and the ball rolled out into the hall. “I hate you.”

“I know.”

They ate in silence, or the relative silence of crinkling foil and the occasional “Oops” when grains of rice fell into their laps. Even scootered back to his office and returned with napkins to keep themselves tidy. Maybe after about fifteen minutes, during which Isak got a look at which of his neighbors were still at their desks (none) and Even did not do anything to piss him off, Isak relaxed. He felt better simply getting food into his body and taking a break from his computer screen. He watched Even while he ate instead. Even was looking around his cubicle, and didn’t seem to notice Isak’s stares, or at least mind them.

Eventually Even nodded toward Isak’s computer. “Is that for the Chief?”

“Yeah.” Isak didn’t bother turning back to his screen.

“How’d the meeting go?”

Isak finished chewing, then sighed. He didn’t want to brush him off with some vague explanation like he had with Marius and Kari Anne, mostly because that required effort. Sometimes keeping a secret halfway was harder to do than keeping one fully, and they already knew something was going on. So he gave in. “How much do you know about what I’m investigating?”

“That it’s about…drugs. Illegal ones. I’m assuming you’re like…investigating crime, because that’s what most of your recent pieces are based on.”

Isak nodded, then started from the beginning. He kept his voice low, but this too was effortless, and more representative of the softening of his resolve against keeping everything under wraps. It was all about to be exposed anyway, so he might as well practice on Even.

Isak’s investigation started innocently enough, when he was following up on a piece about street art and graffiti. Most of it was legal, some of it commissioned and preserved. “I interviewed the manager of a skate park about the graffiti that decorated his bowl and walls. They often showcased established artists and gave them dedicated spaces, but there were always amateurs who brought their paints and experimented in the free space they could find, most often on the ground. The best part though, was he kept really great records of the different tags, with photos and dates, so a whole timeline of changes. He let me go through this photo album of older stuff, and then he had a ledger to log the more recent stuff but those photos were posted on Instagram. That’s when I started noticing a pattern of some markings, which would come and go faster than the walls were usually washed and repainted, which means someone was coming in to paint and then…deleting them.”

Even’s brow furrowed, picking up on how strange that was.

“Right, so, I hunted down some of the taggers to get a better idea of how they paint, the etiquette of the wall and sharing space and cleaning up. I figured out that these marks were unusual behavior and probably not actual graffiti tags. So I pieced together a pattern from the manager’s records, how often the markings appeared and in what locations and like…hung out at the bowl for my estimate of the next hit. It only took a few days, but then I saw this kid paint the mark. He did it really casually, with friends, and part of a bunch of other random doodles. He didn’t draw attention to himself and he knew how to skate, so he belonged there. I went back the next day and the next, but it wasn’t until three days later that someone came and painted over that specific mark with a different color.”

They’d both stopped eating at this point. Isak was too busy talking and Even was too busy listening.

“So it looked like that first kid was sending a message, and then the second kid was either receiving the message or sending one in return. And then another few days passed and the first kid scrubbed away the whole mark, leaving the space clean for another one. I hung out there for weeks last autumn, getting to know people and trying to get details on that kid. I didn’t meet him directly, but I got to talk to one of his friends, who was very obviously dealing between drops. From there I started building connections, these small-time dealers who socialized at the bowl but did their work elsewhere. I wasn’t in the thick of it, just in the network. So when I started working the phone and jumping from dealer to dealer, I could climb up without having to spend hours at the skatepark.”

“Wait, but what about the dead drop?”

Isak startled at the term, the realization that Even knew exactly what was going on.

“Right? That’s what it was, yeah?”

“Yes, that’s exactly right. While his friends were dealing the small stuff this kid was running shipments through this very simple code. And I sort of…got sidetracked? By the smaller deals. But then I went back to the graffiti messaging, went back to the recurring artists, and found that they knew of that strange little mark on other places in the city. So on the one hand I’m still tracking these drug dealers and figuring out their network, and then connecting them with the marks I find out in public. I haven’t exactly figured out the semantics of those, but I’m starting to connect the runners with the marks, and which dealers belong to which runners. So I have…literally I have maps of messages and routes and phone calls with code names and the meeting today was with a police prosecutor, who has informed us that he has an open case on some of my sources.”

“Oh _shit_.”

“Yeah.”

“Shit.”

They continued to stare at each other, both in disbelief, though Even slightly more so.

“So…what does this mean for you? Are they shutting you down?”

“I don’t know. The Chief made it clear in the meeting that the prosecutor doesn’t have any jurisdiction over my reporting, as long as I’m not doing anything illegal. I can still investigate and try to figure out my story, but now I know that there is someone watching me, watching my sources, on the outside, and the Chief is going to be personally overseeing my work in here. I have to give him regular recaps, which is new.” Isak gestured at his screen, at his new future.

“Jesus. I’m sorry, Isak. I know that’s not the right thing to say but….”

“Yeah. I get it, thanks.” Isak lost his appetite as he finally came to terms with the situation. He worked with a lot of autonomy, thanks to a trusting editor and strong track record at the newspaper. He’d been granted the freedom to expand his original piece, after all, into something that was much more endless in scope. He knew Even did as well, being a manager of his own department. Even understood that this felt like some sort of punishment. “I just…this is really backward, but now everything seems both scarier and more difficult. It feels like I have another enemy out there, and now the Chief is watching me over my shoulder.”

“Well, yeah. That makes sense. You’re basically…racing with the cops now, right? Like…I don’t know what kind of case it actually is, who they’re trying to nail, but what if they arrest someone and blow up your whole investigation?"

Isak laughed. “Technically that’s their job, I guess.”

Even laughed too. “This sounds silly but…it feels like you called dibs. This is your beat. Do you know any details, like if they’re further along than you in whatever you’re trying to uncover?”

“Not really. They’re not going to expose their work. I think they said as much as they could in an attempt to get me to back off, like, ‘Here’s what we know you know, so you might as well stop now.’”

“Do you think you have an advantage? Is it worth pursuing if only to not have to throw all of that work away?” Even seemed to have processed the whole meeting much faster than Isak, and was seriously considering steps ahead that Isak hadn’t even entertained yet. He felt the urge to write them down as Even’s questioning progressed. “It feels more dangerous now that you know the cops are involved, but maybe they’ve been involved this whole time and you just didn’t know. There’s definitely more pressure to work faster and smarter than them, while also protecting yourself, but maybe nothing has actually changed except your awareness level. Although, now that they know that you know that they know, and this is an attempt to stop you, something might change going forward. Which is shitty. Do you think they would sabotage you like that? That would actually be something interesting to figure out, how many stories at the paper were killed by the cops. Maybe you could ask the Chief that, to kind of help you weigh the probability of your success. Not that I think you would throw in the towel anyway, but if you’re going to be smart about it....”

Even’s passion was…admirable. Isak could appreciate it now that it was clearly focused on his work, and he could see how much thought was going into Even trying to engage with him. Even was supporting him with this level of consideration, he was on his side, and now, for the first time, Isak felt it. He also didn’t immediately doubt Even for an ulterior motive.

“Like…shit, it absolutely sucks that you have to stop and consider all of this now. You’ve done months of really great work that is probably going to get wrapped up in their investigation, possibly spoiled, or even stolen. You could get scooped and any attempt to avoid it could look like an obstruction of justice. I want you to both keep working to stick it to them, but also save yourself from the potential mess. My instinct here is to run, to let it fade out without wasting any more of your time. But I know I’m not a journalist and I’m very much me and very much not you. So.” Even took a breath, having said his piece, and picked up his burrito again.

“Um…yeah.” Isak didn’t know what to say, so he picked up his burrito too.

It felt rash, because Even was reacting passionately about the police interference. Also Even hadn’t been in the meeting; he was only responding to what Isak had told him, which had been heavily weighted by the amount of work he did leading up to the quick intervention. Isak’s confusion made him doubt his own reaction; he wondered if he should be more upset or more defensive about his own work.

It was frustrating because he didn’t know how to feel, and he didn’t know where to start to figure that out. He looked at Even, at this strange new role he was playing, and felt almost the same amount of shock as he had felt when Erik had revealed his own case. The clarity that Even was bringing to Isak’s problem almost made it worse, because now he had another level of reacting to do. On top of sorting out what Erik’s presence meant, he now had to sort out Even’s interpretation of it as well, and factor it into his response. He was used to instinctively opposing whatever Even advocated for, but now he knew he actually had to give it proper consideration. He looked at the notes he had on his screen, as if they would tell him what to do.

“I do have a question though, about your research.”

“Yeah?” Isak turned back to look at Even, who had that playful smile on his face and a cheek full of beans and tortilla.

“Did you learn how to skateboard?”

* * *

They talked about Isak’s meeting a little more as they finished up their burritos. Even wanted to know what Erik was like, and he wanted to see some of the graffiti art that Isak had cataloged from around the city. Isak obliged, not hesitating with how much he was revealing because he’d already opened up so much to him. And, on an unconscious level, he must’ve trusted him. Even held one secret; he could hold a few more.

Then Isak got curious. He wanted a break from thinking about skateboarding and graffiti and drugs and cops so he asked Even why he was there so late at night, also requiring a desk dinner. Even was surprised by the question, but he also indulged Isak right back. The status update that he’d put on everyone’s calendar was going to be a lot bigger than he’d thought: Even had been tasked with the assessment as well as overhaul of the newspaper’s social media policy, so he’d been studying employees’ feeds to figure out the best way to tackle it.

“For the first time in my life I think you’re actually making my life easier with your luddite ways.”

“Stop saying that, I’m not a luddite.”

“You literally went out to research dudes communicating by writing on walls.”

“Don’t twist my shit like that.” Isak tried to support his argument by kicking at Even’s chair and sending him back out into the hallway. Since they were done with dinner, Even didn’t bother trying to scooter back into the cube.

“I’m a copywriter. It’s part of my job!” Even spun himself in the chair, just like his friends had been doing on Saturday. But then he stopped, holding his stomach. “Okay that wasn’t the best idea. But back to work.” He recovered with a smile and pushed himself backward to his office. Isak leaned out of his cube to watch him navigate the chair, and then they both tucked themselves in front of their computers. The break had been well-spent.

* * *

Thursday’s meeting went…smoothly. Isak was uncomfortable throughout it, but he presented his now-meticulous materials to the Chief, and the Chief seemed satisfied. Then came the time for questions, as the Chief clearly wasn’t rushing him out the door, but Isak was still struggling. He faltered, and fell back on something simple.

“Should…should I keep going?”

The Chief had to think for a moment. This was part of his job, to answer top-level questions and provide general direction to the newspaper, but he probably hadn’t been asked it so plainly by one of his own young reporters. “I think you should. I’ve worked with Erik before, and I trust him to keep us in the loop with as much information as he can safely reveal. You should continue doing your job, digging up your story, and we’ll just keep an eye on how it fits with what they are trying to do. I don’t mean to rush you in any way, but it’s very possible that they’re just following whatever trail you happen to be blazing through these networks.”

Isak nodded. That seemed like a reasonable request. There was a hint of fear at the visual, that Isak was under more pressure now that he was leading the pack, but technically he’d always been leading it, even if the pack had only been just himself. He wasn’t really responsible for whatever the police were trying to do (unless they gave him a reason to be investigated), even if that’s what it felt like Erik was unloading on him with his visit. Like most of what Isak felt about the Chief’s statements, he accepted it but didn’t put much faith into it.

As he walked back to his cubicle, Isak was tempted to stop by Even’s office on the way, to update him and get some reassurance about his mission. But when he actually passed by Even’s door the lights were off and the room was empty. He didn’t realize how much he needed to talk to someone about this, or at least how much talking about it last night had helped him in the first place. It made him uncomfortable, this strange dependency on someone he’d considered his sworn enemy.

But Isak shook it off. He went to his desk and cleaned up the mess he’d left working up to the meeting deadline. He checked his phone, where he had a message from Maja in the group chat reporting where everyone was: Nine’s. He debated for a moment, not sure whether he wanted to actually join his friends or fall back on the weak excuse he’d given Marius. He wanted to be social, but he was also worried about the mystery of his meetings with the Chief and Erik, and how he wanted to (and would be expected to) talk about them. It would be much safer to keep things to himself for now, as he had always done, but dear god he needed a drink.

Isak shut down his computer and headed to the bar.

* * *

The good thing about Nine’s was that Even didn’t show up. This was two weeks in a row that he had been absent, and Isak was pleased by the burgeoning trend. He was able to have a relaxed dinner with his friends, and none of them talked about work. Isak realized he thought he would be tempted to talk about the cops if Even had been there, since he was the one who knew the most and would push for more details. So it was easier, better, that he wasn’t.

But that meant it was quite a shock when Even joined them out on the sidewalk on Friday afternoon, while they waited for Maja to pull the van up so they could all climb in. His shock turned into a bristle as Marius enthusiastically greeted Even with a complicated yet effortless handshake. Kari Anne was watching Isak for his reaction, so when he noticed her he tried to hide it. “It’s fine,” he muttered, answering her question and warding off her warning to him to not be an asshole.

“If you’re really uncomfortable you can talk to Maja about it. But it will take a lot of convincing for her to uninvite Even.”

Isak waved her off, not wanting to make a scene in front of the office either. “It’s fine,” he repeated.

Even, smartly, didn’t try to make casual conversation with Isak. When Maja pulled up they loaded in their bags and climbed into the van. Marius spread out across the back row immediately, leaving everyone else to their individual captain’s seats.

For the first half of the trip, Even chatted with everyone but Isak, getting in the kind of socialization that would’ve happened at Nine’s had he been there the night before. Isak didn’t participate. He kept his headphones in and looked out the window until it made him motion sick, then he feigned sleep. Nothing was playing in his earbuds so he could listen in on the conversation. Occasionally he had to stop himself from laughing, because they were being funny, but he ended up being more occupied with the other emotions he had to control during his eavesdropping.

Isak was staring at nothing but he could hear Even’s smile, obvious when he was laughing and more subtle when he was delivering a sly punchline. Every time Isak had to hold his tongue to stop from jumping in, he thought about why he wanted to jump in in the first place. Did he want to counter something that Even said? Did he want to prove him wrong, or lightly shame him in front of their friends? Or did he want to encourage his sense of humor? Expand on his intelligence? Engage for the sake of engaging, to continue something that otherwise might have died out? Isak wanted to break down his motives, to figure out why he was so upset by Even yet not putting in specific efforts to completely cut him out of his life. In fact, considering their dinner and conversation two nights ago, it would seem like he was actively encouraging Even to stick around. It felt hypocritical to him, which annoyed Isak, and became another problem to solve for himself as the second half of the drive continued along in hushed tones and road trip snacks.

Once they arrived at the house, without discussion, Isak and Even went their separate ways. Perhaps Isak’s dibs had been remembered, or it just made sense to go back to the old arrangement without Ida around. No one had brought her up, so it seemed like they were all comfortable with her absence, and they moved their bags into the house without any of the awkward newness of their last visit. “I told my parents about you, Even, so the couch should be made up in the office already.”

Even circled back into the entryway and gave Maja an exaggerated peck on her cheek. “Thank you!” In the sparkling light of the giant chandelier above them, Isak could see Maja’s blush, and understood why Even’s invitation was not as easily rescinded as Ida’s was. Isak rolled his eyes and went inside, heading to the staircase on the right.

He and Marius set up their room like they used to, which meant they just tossed their bags into the corners next to their side of the bed. Isak changed into his pajamas just to get out of his work clothes, and then they went back downstairs to get drinks and food started for the evening. The kitchen was already stocked, and tailored according to what they’d eaten the last time they were there, so they figured the girls wouldn’t need to do another shopping trip in the morning. It felt luxurious.

Eventually they had enough patience to cook a couple bags of frozen chicken nuggets and tater tots. They spilled them out onto trays and squirt a variety of dipping sauces around the edges. Those became the centerpiece of the island, and they popped bites of food in between longer chugs of alcohol. Everyone wanted to get drunk and everyone wanted to go to bed so it was almost a race to get through dinner like that. They checked the weather report and planned their Saturday around the potential for rain around lunchtime. Their conversation wound down into silly stuff like the coldest temperature any of them had gone swimming, the misery of a vacation sidetracked by weather, and the time Marius somehow underestimated the number of clean boxers he needed to pack. Isak could tell the wine Maja was drinking was getting to her when she flirtatiously offered Marius a cute thong the next time he ran out of options. Marius just shook his head, raised his bottle of beer, and said, “Thank god Ida isn’t here.”

As soon as they were done with their food, Kari Anne called it quits first. “I feel like a wimp.”

“No, this is smart. Don’t want to bust too early on.” Marius finished his beer with one long chug and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Everyone else followed suit. The girls went up to their rooms and the guys cleaned up the kitchen over the sounds of their distant giggles. When they were done Even crossed the living room to the office and Isak and Marius went upstairs.

He didn’t know why he decided to do this, but while Marius was changing Isak grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste and went downstairs to the bathroom. The light was on but the door was open, so he jogged over to catch it before someone else occupied it. But when he stepped through the doorway he saw that it was already occupied; Even turned to him with a mouthful of toothpaste foam. Without a word he stepped to the side, gesturing to Isak that he could use the sink. Isak hesitated, but eventually stepped up. Even leaned a hip against the counter and watched Isak in the mirror.

Neither of them said anything, partly because they were busy with their mouths and partly because Isak didn’t know what to say. He didn’t have an aggression to respond to. Even was simply sharing the space that was rightfully his, and Isak couldn’t get upset about it. They alternated turns spitting out foam and rinsing their mouths. Even wiped his face dry on a small towel, flipped it over, and handed it to Isak to use. He accepted it without comment. Even continued watching him in the mirror.

“What?” Isak figured he could get annoyed by that, at least.

Even shrugged one shoulder. “Nothing. Just thought you had your own bathroom upstairs. But it was nice of you to come down for a visit.”

Before Isak could spit out an excuse, a lie about Marius using it or the need for a towel, Even walked behind Isak to leave. On the way he gave Isak a decent smack across his butt, and Isak ended up letting out a high yelp instead.

“Good night!” Even sang, disappearing through the door.

Isak steadied himself against the counter. He felt his dick chubbing up, and he had to will it away before he walked back upstairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT #2: i've rewritten parts of this chapter to fix the errors i mentioned below. isak is no longer surrendering his sources and work to the police prosecutor, and the chief is encouraging him to work independently as he originally intended. these changes won't affect the story as a whole that much, but i felt the need to document them as i've never had to do a revision like this before. i appreciate your patience as i work on this in real-time, and i hope this doesn't interrupt your enjoyment of the story. please note that any comments made prior to 18 june 2020 apply to an earlier version of the chapter.
> 
> * * *
> 
> EDIT: as kattmatte has pointed out in the comments, this chapter is an inaccurate representation of the relationship between a journalist and their sources, and a news organization and the police. i'm going to rewrite it to fix my egregious mistakes, and hopefully rework the journalism subplot before moving forward. i've never done a significant rewrite before, so i apologize if this messes up how the chapter is posted or how you've been reading the work. erik as a character might not exist once i've figured out a new direction, but my original note below still stands.
> 
> * * *
> 
> i don't know much about the norwegian police system, so i apologize if i'm misrepresenting their roles and titles. i don't know much about the american police system either (aside from the fact that it is built on white supremacy, is abusing its power and funding against the people they're meant to be protecting, inordinately so against Black people, as well as Indigenous and POC communities, and needs to be defunded), but erik's function in this story would be similar to a detective investigating a case. i don't watch police procedural shows either, so the way i'll be using erik in isak's story isn't really based on hollywood or reality. i'd appreciate your suspension of disbelief for this, and/or comments on ways to shape the minor role more accurately going forward.
> 
> and lest you think i'm including the police here in order to criticize them, please know that this intervention in isak's work was planned from the start. isak's work was always going to be interrupted by an official police investigation, which was going to add to isak's frustration with his job and end up being another point of friction between him and even. as you can see it's ended up being almost the opposite: a chance for isak to share another secret and rebuild a sense of trust and companionship between them.


	22. Ankle

Before the rain came the heat. Even was warming up tortillas for breakfast on the grill and already complaining about it. Isak could see the distorted air waving up from his shoulders. He cooled himself off with steady sips of his mimosa. Even had his own beer can sweating next to the grill. “Is Marius still asleep?” Even plucked a tortilla up and lightly tossed it onto a plate.

“Yeah. He stayed up late talking to Ida.”

It was just Isak and Even out on the deck. Marius was still dead to the world and the girls were inside getting the rest of breakfast ready. Isak, being his helpful self, was simply enjoying the view. He was trying to focus on the water in the distance, of course, but the fact that Even was already half-naked in his swimsuit might also have been part of that view. It was a rather enjoyable start to his day.

“Did you have to listen to it all?”

“He went into the bathroom for some of it but I just listened to music until I fell asleep for the rest.”

Even snorted. “Make him go downstairs next time.”

“Nah. He was already tucked into bed when she called, and I didn’t mind.”

“That’s uncharacteristically kind of you.”

Isak shot a look at Even’s back. “I’m nice if we’re friends, but obviously you wouldn’t see that very often.”

Even paused in a half-twist, as if he were going to turn around to say something, but he didn’t. A moment later he returned to the tortillas, plucking the last one off the grill and covering the plate of warmed ones with tinfoil. Isak wanted to ask him what he was going to say, but then the girls opened the sliding door and stepped out onto the deck.

The general idea was breakfast burritos, but the mix of food that was set out on the table was going beyond that. Isak went inside to get the plate of tomatoes that Kari Anne had diced and left behind. He scooped a fresh pitcher of mimosa in his free hand. Counting that one, they’d already gone through three bottles of champagne since they’ve been up. They _needed_ this breakfast.

Even remained at the grill on egg duty, cooking up everyone’s orders almost as fast as they were eaten. Isak really liked how his scrambled eggs came out, so much so that he ate them straight instead of stuffing them into a tortilla. But he kept any compliments to himself. The girls were dishing them out plenty anyway. Isak ate and drank and listened to the chatter and watched tiny beads of sweat trail down Even’s back.

“Should we start the sauna?” Even asked when he was done eating. He stood to start clearing some of their mess.

“Maybe later? I just want to get into the cold water right now.”

“Yeah, we’ll start it when it gets rainy.” Kari Anne stood as well, and then Maja joined their train of dish-carrying back into the house. Isak was slower to join because when he stood up he started to feel that fourth pour of mimosa.

“Would absolutely _love_ it if we made it through the weekend without a broken plate, Isak!” Maja sang on her way inside.

Isak looked at what was left on the table in front of him and picked his safest option instead: a bag of shredded cheese.

* * *

Everyone else was down in the water by the time Marius woke up. He stumbled down the path to the shore halfway prepared to join them: he hadn’t brushed his hair, but he’d changed into a swimsuit and snagged a tallboy from the fridge. The group greeted him with teasing cheers.

“Do you want me to get you something to eat? We made eggs this morning.” Even offered from the towel he was lying on, but didn’t make a move to stand. Marius either wasn’t hungry or recognized the offer for mere politeness.

“Nah, thanks man. I’ll just fill up on this and wait until lunch.” Marius cracked the can and dropped his ass right down into the sand. He squinted out at the water while he enjoyed his liquid brunch.

The girls were sitting behind them, relaxing in chairs they’d dragged down to the rocks. They’d been chatty while they were setting up, but almost everyone had fallen into a peaceful lull. They drank and let themselves overheat in the direct sunlight, and when the sweating became unbearable they wandered into the water to dunk their bodies. Marius quickly picked up on the routine without disrupting it.

The only burst of energy in the whole group occurred when the rain started to fall. They’d been watching the clouds roll in from a distance, but inertia kept them on the beach even when the sun disappeared. “I’m kind of tempted to stay out. The report said the rain won’t last very long.”

“Yeah, but we’re out of drinks.” Even had sat up and inspected the cooler they’d packed after breakfast. He pulled out one more can and cracked it for himself. It was enough to change Kari Anne’s mind.

“Excellent point.”

Isak stood and shook out his towel. Marius took one last dip into the water and ran back out. Isak tossed his towel to Marius so he could dry off. Conveniently Isak was left with nothing to carry back to the house. He focused on keeping his balance while he took the grassy walk up.

The rest of the day passed in a comfortably buzzed haze. Isak drank steadily and ate steadily through lunch. Since it was raining they ate spread out on the couch, with a random show playing quietly on the TV in the background. Whereas their first weekend together, they were focused on doing a bunch of activities and making the most of the house, now they were all comfortable enough to just hang out. The girls scrolled through Instagram together and giggled and gasped at photos of friends and celebrities. Marius chimed in with “a man’s opinion” occasionally, when he wasn’t catching up on game scores. Isak helped Even clean up in the kitchen, feeling a little guilty he’d had such a lazy morning.

When the rain passed they filled up the cooler again and went back down to the water. They got out the tubes but kept them in shallows, untethered. At some point Isak was floating, keeping his ass cool in the water and toes touching down to keep him at the shore, but ended up falling asleep. He only woke up when he felt a hand around his ankle, dragging him back up onto sand.

“For the record, I am the only one who was willing to pull you back to safety. All of your…friends…were going to let you drift out to your doom.” Even stood over him on the beach, dripping water onto Isak while he struggled to push himself out of the now-moored tube.

“We weren’t going to let you drift!” Marius tried to defend his decision to not leave his chair. “We just wanted to see how far you’d get before you woke up.”

“Unfortunately none of us bet on Even jumping in to save you, so no one won.” Kari Anne’s disappointment was genuine. Maja chimed in on it as well.

“I was hoping you’d at least get out to the end of the jetty.”

Isak looked at his friends. He wanted to laugh at Even’s concern and join in on their relaxed attitude, but it conflicted with how grateful he felt that Even did actually pull him in. He would’ve been more upset if he had to swim all the way back. “I can swim, you know,” he muttered to his savior. “I wasn’t going to drown.”

“Yeah, well, it sounds like that lisp might’ve dragged you down.” Even smirked, then walked back up to the cooler. He’d tossed his beer when he waded out to fetch Isak, and it had drained out in the sand. If none of their friends were going to rescue Isak, they probably weren’t going to rescue half of a beer either.

Isak did his best to stay in a huff. He kicked the tube down to the water’s edge and sat in it on the sand. Small waves lapped at his feet. Staring out at the water and not at Even was probably the only thing that would save the afternoon, so he committed to it.

* * *

They were in bed, doing one last internet scroll before they fell asleep, when Ida called. Isak excused himself, letting Marius have the room for privacy. Isak went downstairs to the kitchen and filled up a glass of water from the sink. He’d make the most of his self-imposed exile and try to recover from the day in the sun. This would be his first non-alcoholic drink in the last 24 hours.

Isak leaned against the island counter and sipped. He stared at the closed door to the office all the way across the room. They’d all gone to bed about an hour ago, cleaning up and taking turns in the bathrooms and dimming the lights. Isak craned his neck to see if there was light coming from underneath the door, if Even was still awake.

He’d been thinking, while he was in his huff. It had been drunk thinking, which wandered freely and was difficult to recall at the moment, but he knew he’d been thinking about Even. It was hard not to, in general, and then especially being around him shirtless all day. In his anger and distance during the week he’d forgotten that he’d been attracted to this man, and it was coming back in full force now that he was calmer and closer. So Isak had been thinking about both sides of the battle with Even he was on: the one where he knew Even was a thoughtless, manipulative bitch trying to seduce Isak and ruin him, and the one where Even cooked breakfast and provided valuable feedback at work and saved him from waking up on a tube halfway down the strait. And those mind-blowing orgasms. Those in particular were fighting back hard.

He was drunk and horny and wondering if he could still call on the cone of silence just for a moment of relief. He was willing to ignore just about every other issue he had with that man if he could just press his body up against his for a few minutes, lick his skin, and hold their cocks together in a needy grip. Without realizing it, Isak had been subtly humping the space between his hips and the counter, a rocking motion that matched the back-and-forth of his internal debate. He stood up and gave in.

Isak walked quickly and quietly to Even’s room. He wanted to pause to see if anyone was coming down the stairs, but he knew he would lose his nerve if he did, so he went straight to the door and raised his hand to knock. He listened and waited for an answer, then knocked a little harder in case Even hadn’t heard him. When an answer still didn’t come, Isak opened the door and peeked in. The room was lit up but empty. Even’s bed was pulled out but still made. Isak slipped into the room to get a good look; perhaps Even was hiding on the floor, like he’d done the other time. Perhaps Even was horny and waiting, again.

He was not. Isak wondered if he was in the bathroom, and Isak had simply ignored that possibility in his mission to get naked with Even. Which was dumb, because if he wanted to be naked with Even, finding him in the bathroom had much better odds than in a room with a glass door and no curtain. Isak glanced at the door and caught his own reflection. His first thought was that he looked kind of hot, which was how he knew he was still drunk. He laughed at himself a little too loud. Something on the other side of the glass moved. Then the floodlights over the deck turned on and there was Even.

He was on the phone, or at least holding his phone up to his ear. He wasn’t talking, just staring back at Isak. Neither of them moved, until Even lifted a hand and gestured at Isak to come outside. Isak hesitated for a moment. It would appear that he was debating the action, whether he should join Even on the deck or turn around and run back to his own room. It would appear that way, but Isak’s mind was truly blank. He wasn’t thinking.The hesitation was just some short-circuiting motor function that took a second to get back online. Once it did, Isak walked to the door and slid it open.

Once Isak stepped out and closed the door behind him, Even spoke. It was a whisper. “What are you doing?” Even’s voice must’ve surprised the person on the other end of his call, because Isak could hear the other person ask a question, and that startled Even. “Oh, shit. I gotta go. Isak is here.”

Isak could hear the other person ask a couple more frantic questions in the seconds it took Even to lower his phone and end the call. “Who was that?”

“Elias. What are you doing here? Why were you in my room?”

There was no menace in Even’s question, no suspicion, even though it would’ve been warranted. He was simply curious as to why Isak, who had been very much set on not being in that room with Even, was actually there after all. Isak blushed under the lights and his own hypocrisy. “I was…looking for you.”

“Why?”

Isak didn’t want to answer the question. Again, it was asked with innocence, but Isak’s mind ran through the insinuating queries he was expecting, and came up with all of the answers he didn’t want to say out loud. He stared at Even, who was still half-naked and exactly what he wanted in front of himself right then. He thought that maybe instead of answering him he could just kiss him. Maybe he could just close that distance and they’d find the answer in a kiss, like they’d done the first time at Even’s apartment. But no, they were out in the open, under a spotlight. That was impossible. “Never mind.” Isak walked around Even and down the stairs of the deck. He wouldn’t answer, he wouldn’t kiss, he would just walk. Isak walked and walked and walked. He went all the way down to the water, where the lapping waves were loud enough to distract him and the floodlights from the house didn’t reach him. He sat down in a chair and sank into the darkness. Never mind.

“Isak.” Even’s voice was gentle and from a distance. Then it was closer. “Isak.”

Isak refused to turn around. He set his jaw and watched the inky blackness of the water. This darkness was rare for this time of the summer, and Isak wanted to arm himself with it. He was tempted to stand up and walk into the water, but he had changed out of his swim trunks and also was a little too drunk to be doing that right then. So he dug his heels in the sand as an alternative.

“Isak.” Even gave his chair a wide berth but entered Isak’s line of vision none the less. He stood at the water’s edge. “Did you come to see me?”

Even’s features were less defined in the darkness, but Isak could still see how his hair, thick with the day’s sunning and swimming, was roughly finger-combed back off of his forehead. He could see where his honey warm skin was cut off at the waist by a crooked band of fabric. He could answer the question for himself, yes, but he couldn’t say it to Even, or the water, or the night air.

Even stepped closer, but not too close. “No one can hear you down here, not from up at the house. Last time, when I’d gone to clean up the towels, I tried to listen from the deck when you all were down here. It’s too far away, and there’s the water and the wind. If you don’t scream, we can talk.”

Isak didn’t respond, even though it was the perfect reassurance that he needed to hear. Instead he got angry that Even seemed to know exactly what he wanted and needed without him saying anything.

“Isak, we need to talk.” Even moved in even closer. The horny part of Isak’s brain, which reliably overpowered the pissed off part, truly believed Even was going to walk right up to him, drop to his knees, and suck him off in the chair. _Talk_. Isak subtly spread his legs apart and moved his hands out of his lap. But then Even turned to the side and sat down in the sand next to Isak’s chair. He leaned his head against Isak’s armrest. They looked out at the darkness and silently returned to it. Isak felt his whole chest sink with disappointment.

They needed to talk but neither of them did. Isak thought of what he wanted to say, what demands he’d been ready to make when he was walking toward Even’s door. He thought about how much he wanted it, and the risks he was willing to take. He looked at Even’s hair and wanted to touch it. He twisted around to look back up at the house. The lights in the bedrooms were off, but that just meant it would be easier for someone inside to see out. He tried to remember if he’d ever looked out the window of his room, if the angle of the hill blocked any of the shoreline, or at least the chairs. But then he couldn’t strategize or negotiate or protect himself: his fingers reached out and touched Even’s head. It was irresistible, like when a dog presents its soft ears for you to scratch. He had to.

Even tensed for a second but then leaned into Isak’s hand. He let him comb through his hair and massage his scalp gently. “God damnit, Isak,” he whispered.

Isak pulsed his fingers in time with the small waves. “I came downstairs to kiss you.”

“I know.”

In exchange for that truth, Even reached over and circled his fingers around Isak’s ankle. It was a light touch that would have tickled if Isak hadn’t wanted it so much. He moved his foot closer to Even’s side in encouragement. The fingers grazed the top of his foot, and then moved up Isak’s calf. Isak didn’t think it would be an erogenous zone for him, but Even’s fingers quite often proved him wrong. He had to push down on his erection in his lap.

They were quiet, just touching, for a little while longer. The tense energy between them faded. Then Even took a deep breath. “I know I hurt you. And I’m sorry for doing that, again. I’m still…I’m still trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong. But I think it’s because I just like you way too damn much.” Even chuckled a little bit. “Elias says I’m just making it worse.”

“Is that what you were talking about on the phone with him?”

“Yeah. If we don’t see each other on the weekends I usually have to call, just to catch up. But he thinks I’m talking about you too much.”

“You don’t—“

“No, no, I don’t talk about _you_. Just how much I like you. He also thinks you hate me, and would never in a million years want to kiss me. I did send him your byline though, so he could read up on your work.”

“I don’t think that’s really his thing.”

Even laughed louder. “It’s not. He tries to read a lot for his work, but he doesn’t like doing jokes based on current events. But actually he wanted to know more about the guy I’m obsessed with.”

“You _are_ obsessed with me.”

Even tugged on Isak’s ankle. “I think you love it.”

“Sometimes.”

Isak liked when they were alone. He liked the way Even watched him, how his eyes said things that his voice might not get to. Even looked naked when he was watching Isak, as if the rest of his body, clothed or not, didn't matter, and Isak liked a naked Even. He just didn’t like it when it was in front of other people. He didn’t like it when other people could see him admiring Even’s nakedness. This was why it hurt sometimes. Isak’s finger trailed down and grazed the top of Even’s ear. It was warm.

“But other times it’s just…a lot.”

“I know. I can be overwhelming. Or…I can let things get overwhelming. I just like you too much, you know? I let my feelings get out of control to the point where I wasn’t thinking about the effect of them. I was just indulging in them, and weirdly not considering the person on the other side. You. And it’s not even a matter of whether you like me back or not. Regardless of that, I was pushing too hard for something that couldn’t exist yet. So I’m sorry. I’ll stop pushing.” Even pulled his hand away from Isak’s ankle, and the sudden loss made Isak’s breath catch in his throat. Even twisted his torso to face Isak. Isak’s hand slipped off of his head. “I do want to be friends though, genuinely. I think we could do that. I’ll give up all of the other stuff I want if I can just talk to you, and listen, and hang out.” He clicked his tongue at himself, already checking how his wishes were pouring out. “We don’t have to be, of course, if you’re not comfortable with it. That’s what I want to prioritize, what I’m working on. But even when I reel myself in, I still feel like that’s a possibility, just friendship.” Even shifted onto his knees and faced Isak straight on. Isak could tell he was winding up, but he didn’t know what for.

“You hate me. I kind of understand that. But can you tell me why? Is it still because of Emma, or the apartment? Or is it something else? I…I don’t know how to go back and fix what I’ve done, so the only thing I can think of is to figure out what I’m still doing that makes your life so difficult. I don’t want to be doing that, I don’t want to hurt you.” Since he was closer to Isak now, Isak could see most of his face. It didn’t look like he was crying but it was Even’s voice that gave away his tears. “Please.”

Isak had to make some quick decisions. As much as he thought he hated Even, as upset as he’d been every time he blew up at him, Isak knew that that anger faded with every passing moment. The shock of his life changes had faded into freedom from a mundane relationship with Emma and into the safety of a new friend’s apartment. He still had his old friends, his regular work; the world was still spinning. Sure, there were more confusing things, like his sexual attraction, which drew him back into Even’s arms over and over again. But was that Even’s fault? Or was it something else? If it wasn’t his fault, then he could still be forgiven for the things that were.

“You’re…you’re not hurting me. You just…you know too much. You _could_ hurt me.”

Even lunged forward and stopped himself at the same time. He had to catch himself on Isak’s knees for balance. “I wouldn’t. I promise. I never want to hurt you. I can keep your secrets. I can keep you safe. Please.”

It felt like they were playing tug-of-war, shifting their power back and forth. Even could destroy him, but he was also on his knees, begging, crying for the chance not to. While Isak had felt weak and stripped in the moments when he thought other parts of his world were being stolen from him, now it felt like he could do the same thing to Even. It was overwhelming. All Isak wanted to do was drop the rope. He wanted to surrender, and set them both free.

He reached out for Even’s face, and cradled his head. Even visibly crumbled under the touch. Isak ran his thumbs across Even’s cheeks to wipe away the tears that had come out in the darkness. He wanted to kiss him, to comfort him. Most of all though, he wanted to not be the cause for that pain, just like Even. He leaned in and kissed the tears at the corner of Even’s eyes, the ones Isak’s thumbs couldn’t reach. He kissed the small wrinkles and whispered, “I’m sorry,” into his skin. But that just brought out more tears. Isak tried to kiss those too.

“Isak.” It was a gasp. “Don’t.” Even leaned back out of Isak’s hands. “We can’t do that. I can’t control…I can’t keep you safe like that.” Even’s eyes were wet, and reflected more of the night back at Isak. His gaze flicked up toward the house, then leveled back onto Isak. “I just want to be friends.”

Again Isak realized too late what he was trying to do, how he was calling up old intimacies to fix new problems. He’d made the same mistake, but he handled it a little better this time. He looked at Even and agreed to the terms: “Okay.”

Even stood. “I want to kiss you so bad, but I know what it will lead to. I’m not going to do that to you anymore.”

It was Isak’s turn to apologize. “I’m sorry.” He understood that this was only going to work if they both aimed for the same goal. Even wouldn’t do anything and Isak wouldn’t let him. No one would get hurt. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Even stepped to the side of Isak’s chair. His hand reached for Isak’s shoulder and gave it a meaningful squeeze. Then he walked away, back up to the house.

Isak listened for his disappearance, for footsteps on the deck or the sliding door, but he didn’t hear anything. Of course. Even had been right, the sound didn’t travel. Everything they’d said had been swallowed up by the night. He stayed in his chair. He let the waves and breeze take over again, being the only sound. He let his heartbeat match it. He craved its steadiness while he touched down from the whirlwind of emotions he’d just spun through.

Eventually he settled on sadness. The anger was gone. The disagreement was gone. The past was accounted for and resolved, so all he had left was the present and the future, and he was sad about it. He was sad for Even’s tears, and he was sad for his own loss. He was sad for the kisses he wanted and wouldn’t have or give. Isak thought about the relief he was supposed to feel with Even’s promises, that he was safe, and wouldn’t get hurt again. But the potential for pain was still outweighed by the reality of this loss. With this understanding came the sadness, and his own tears.

This was it. This was the missing piece that had confused Kari Anne and Maja, when two people split and nothing changed. This was the change. These were the tears. This was the break-up.

* * *

The next morning Isak was the last one to wake up. Kari Anne came up to his room with a glass of water to coax him out of bed. “You drank a lot yesterday.” She didn’t even bother putting the glass down on the bedside table. She nudged him to sit up and take the water. She sat on the edge of the bed. He drank.

He was definitely feeling hungover, and sluggish. He didn’t know if it was because of the alcohol or the conversation or simply the lack of sleep. When he’d finally dried his eyes and come back to bed the sun was starting its early summer rise. He would’ve been content to lie in bed for the rest of the morning, even as everyone else had fun without him.

Kari Anne watched him, then gently made an observation. “You look like you’ve been crying.”

“That’s because I was.” He wasn’t going to deny what was clearly going on with his face, but he’d add a little bit of cover-up. “It comes with the lisp.”

She gave him a light laugh. “I don’t mean to laugh at your pain but it _is_ funny when the lisp comes out. Kind of cute, actually.” She reached up and tousled his mess of curls. “But if you don’t want Marius or Even making fun of your crying you should splash some water on your face before you come down. And come down soon, because we have warm waffles.”

“Okay.”

Kari Anne hopped up off the bed and left. She was already in her swimsuit and an oversized t-shirt. Isak finished the water and went to the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror. Beyond the crustiness of the dried tears, his skin held a bit of red from the sun. He said his name out loud, just to double check that his lisp was gone. His mouth was sour and he needed to brush his teeth, but he also didn’t want to lose the taste of Even’s tears still on his lips. Well, maybe those were his own tears. And maybe it was better to wipe it all away. He did as he was told, washing his face and brushing out his hair. He looked at himself and remembered the deal. They would keep their secrets. Cone of silence. And they would be friends.

He went downstairs to join them.


	23. Emma

Isak left work a little early on Tuesday to meet Emma down at the docks. It was their scheduled date, but she warned him in advance that she needed some good shots of her lounging in a couple of bikinis she’d received for promotion. He happily stepped up for the opportunity to get out of the office and to take his mind off of…literally everything else going on in his life. Nothing like Emma in a bikini to wipe it clear.

“Oi, you got some color!” After their initial hug Emma pulled back and cupped Isak’s cheeks. “Cabin weekend?”

“Yeah.”

“I have some great recovery serum that will help if you want it. Liv was trying for a skincare deal but it fell through. Got lots of samples though.”

“Is it like those masks that we did?”

Emma laughed. “I forgot about those. But no, this is different. We can grab it after we’re done here.”

“Okay.”

“How was the cabin?” They walked down to the water and found a spot to lay out at the edge. Isak didn’t take off his shirt but he sat down and let his legs cool off in the water. Emma had a long loose dress on covering her first bikini, which she revealed once she had laid out her towel and flicked off her sandals. Isak noticed it wasn’t her usual cut.

“It was fine. Obviously we just spent a lot of time in the water.”

Emma furrowed her brow. “You’re usually more excited about those trips than this.”

Isak shrugged. “Work is just getting tough so it was….” Halfway through his excuse he realized it didn’t make sense. And he didn’t think about work the entire time he was away, so it felt like a particularly bad lie. “Well, do you remember that guy from work I was complaining about, a while ago?”

Emma looked out to the water to think. “I don’t think so.”

“He was new to the paper. And…that was like a month and a half ago, a little after he started. But he’s friends with us now. More with Kari Anne, I think. But he’s been hanging out with us at Nine’s and he went to the cabin and…I don’t know, it just threw everything off.”

“The new guy.”

“Yeah.”

“Mmm. Is Kari Anne interested in him?”

“No. Wait. I actually don’t know. I don’t think so. Maja was. Probably still is, actually, but she uh…expressed her interest and he shut her down.”

“Aww.” There wasn’t much pity in Emma’s voice, but she was also distracted by whatever she was trying to spray on her body. Oh, tanning oil. “You guys are pretty close though, so I get why it would be weird to have a new person there.”

“Yeah.”

Isak let his side of the conversation fizzle out. He didn’t want to think about Even, or how much “weird” was an understatement for what had happened. He tried to redirect their attention. “How is Beverly?”

“She’s fine. Going back to China for a family birthday thing later this week.”

“That’s cool. Have you ever met any of them?”

“Her family?”

“Yeah.”

“No. Saw her brother once, when we were over there and she invited him to the set, but it was just a quick look. He’s hot though. He should be a model too.”

In the past, whenever Emma would comment on someone’s attractiveness, she usually followed it up with some statement that it was her professional opinion, or that Isak was obviously more attractive than them, as a rule. He couldn’t recall her saying that lately though, even before they broke up. He didn’t know if it was because of Isak or if it was because of Beverly, if Beverly was the one who needed the reassurance now. Isak was no longer part of the competition. Which was fine, just sad to only realize this late.

He wondered if he should start looking at other people. He kicked at the water.

“Spray my back, please.” Emma handed him the bottle and turned away from him. He did as she requested, rubbing the oil into her hairline and under the edges of the suit.

“You’re keeping your hair clipped?” It was still the short undercut that she’d gotten from that one shoot.

“Yeah. Beverly touches it up for me.”

“That’s nice.”

Finally oiled up, Emma leaned back on the towel and began soaking up the sun. She wanted a nice sheen, natural highlights to contour her body and show off the suit. They talked a little bit about angles and poses, what kinds of things they wanted in the background. She had a photography trick she wanted to show him on his phone. Isak slipped into their old routine naturally.

Emma kept up the small talk, sharing some gossip about models that Isak was familiar with. Isak shared what he could of the bullpen, strangely focusing a lot on his new chair. He didn’t want to talk about the latest development with the police because he felt like he needed to be more secretive with his work now. Anyone could blow his cover, even a model. Especially a model, if some of the rumors she shared were to be believed. He knew there was an angle to drug and sex trafficking that used the modeling industry but he wasn’t sure if any of his sources were part of it. Nothing was recognizable, but this was a good reminder to keep an eye out for it.

When she was sufficiently glistening, Emma stood up and Isak turned into a photographer. It didn’t take too long to get the shots she wanted, and she put her dress back on to change into her second suit under it.

“Are you on any dating apps?”

Isak had picked up his own phone while he was waiting. “Uh, no. Why?”

“You should be. Then you can put ‘Professional Instagram Boyfriend’ in your bio. I would happily provide a reference. And I think it’s an important skill you should be showing off.”

Isak laughed. “Thank you. Maybe. I don’t…I don’t even know where to start with those though.”

“I suggest the app store.” Emma stuck her tongue out at him, already anticipating his playful slap. He gave her one anyway. “But I understand you. I downloaded tinder but I haven’t set it up yet. Beverly wants me to, just for fun.”

“Are you exclusive?”

Emma shrugged, then pulled her dress off. “Probably not. Like, we’re together all of the time, so I know she’s not actively looking, but we haven’t had that conversation yet.”

“Do you _want_ to date around?”

“Not right now. But I was also thinking…I probably will have to eventually right? You too. And all I know is to wait for a guy I go to school with to ask me out,”—she pointed at Isak—“or to wait for a girl I work with to ask me out. I don’t know how to find someone on my own.”

“Yeaaaaaah,” Isak drew out. He had had similar concerns, though they didn’t seem as urgent when he was fooling around with Even.

“Though…god, I have a million offers in my DMs. Hah. I was just so used to ignoring them.” Now that she had her phone back, she was on Instagram and scrolling through plenty of unanswered offers.

“That seems like a good place for _you_ to start.”

“Keep an eye on your own DMs, baby. I bet once people realize you’re a free man they’re going to jump to your account.”

Isak wrinkled his nose. He wasn’t sure if it was in response to Emma’s pet name for him, or to the idea of Emma’s fans rushing his profile. He hadn’t posted anything in a while, let alone checked it; it was reliably quiet and unnecessary to him, just there for other people to tag. Maybe he should get Emma to take some pictures of him as well, just so he has something ready for that aftermath. “Have you been thinking about the uh…break-up post?” Emma handed him her phone again, ready for her second shoot. She started with the angles she’d liked the most from their first go.

“A little bit. I have notes. But it’s hard because it doesn’t feel….”

Isak waited for her to continue, not sure if she was thinking or just relaxing her face for the camera. “What?”

“I’m still not sure what I’m announcing.”

“That we’re no longer a couple.”

“Yes, but…how? I don’t know. Everything I write either sounds like I’m saying too much or not enough. Maybe you should write it.”

Isak laughed so loud they attracted more stares than usual. “Trust me, you do not want an investigative reporter writing about the end of a relationship.”

Emma smiled wide, almost laughing, and Isak managed to catch it. “Yeah, I guess there wasn’t enough crime in it for you anyway.”

After Isak got enough shots of the second suit, they hung out on the dock and talked a little bit more. Emma narrowed down her options. She shared her concerns about her next trip, going out to California. They used to talk about going out there together, when Emma dreamed about meeting with agencies and working on the American markets. New York was the farthest she ever got, though. She finally was getting a gig that would shoot out there, but she was wondering if she should try to do some prospective work. She was worried how it would look, to others and to Liv, if she were to act independently. Beverly encouraged her, but that was mostly because Beverly had had success with reaching out on her own.

“That’s the downside to dating in the industry. On the one hand, they know a lot more about what you’re going through, what you can and should do. But then their own experiences can be…overwhelming.” Emma looked over at Isak. “The nice thing about you was that you knew some shit but you also knew when to shut up about it.”

“I think I’m going to take that as a compliment. But I’ll let you know if I’m actually offended later.” He gave her a warm smile. He wasn’t ever going to be offended about it; they had established a good level of communication about their work. It was enough to vent and seek comfort, as well as ask for an outside opinion to help each other move forward. The point was that they weren’t work friends. Isak noted that for his own group dynamic at the bullpen, and the benefits of never dating any of them.

When Emma felt like she’d gotten a sufficient amount of sun, they packed up and walked back to her apartment. They stopped at a bar along the way, enjoying a quick pint outside at a table. They weren’t in any rush to end the date even though the required photos had been captured. Emma added a quick video of the beers and Isak to her Instagram story with only a vague caption about the long summer nights. She shared some of the reactions to seeing Isak on her account, most of which made them laugh. “When you’re ready, let me know, and I’ll tell them to slide into your DMs.” She made him wait outside her apartment while she went up to grab a bag of skincare samples for him. Isak took the time to think a bit more about dating, and how he should really start.

Over the past couple of days he did his best to not think about Even. He had to give up on that rebound and look forward to something more serious and solid. Not necessarily a serious relationship, but Isak taking the whole process seriously. He could commit to being a bachelor, or he could pursue someone he actually could be with. Either way, he needed to start looking at his options. He needed to start downloading apps. He needed to figure out the kind of person he wanted to present himself as.

When Emma came back down she handed him the bag. “Technically we have one more date. When is your next cabin trip?”

“Not for a while, late August.”

“Okay. Do you want to hang out on Saturday?”

“Sure.” He jumped at the chance to be out of the apartment that day, especially if Even was going to show up.

“Great. I’ll try to think of something that does not involve shopping.”

“Can’t wait to see you fail spectacularly at that.” They smiled and exchanged cheek kisses.

Isak went home, feeling enough of a buzz and lightness to experiment with his newly acquired serums.

* * *

A burrito appeared again on Wednesday evening, but without any calendar warning. It landed like a meteor on Isak’s desk, tossed over his shoulder. Even rolled into his cubicle with it. “The fuck?” Isak slid his headphones off and stared at the foil-wrapped rock.

“Dinner. Eat. You skipped lunch.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because the two times you left your cubicle today you were running to the bathroom.”

“How do you know _that_?” It was true, but also weird.

Even pushed himself back out of the cubicle and stood. He moved his chair to the side. “Observe. This is you going to the cafeteria.” He walked out of sight, past the wall of the cubicle, and then came back at a relaxed pace, hands in his pockets. He stopped when he’d moved beyond the opposite wall. “And now, this is you going to the bathroom.” The walk in the opposite direction was still a walk, but visibly more hurried and tense. His phone was gripped tightly in his hand, because everyone has used a toilet break to answer an email or two. After he completed his demonstration, Even returned to his chair and scootered back into Isak’s space. “See the difference?”

Yes, but he wasn’t going to admit it. “So nice of you to clock me like that.”

“I honestly didn't think I thought I was doing it until just now when I had to show you.”

“Well I wouldn’t go bragging about your special talent.” Isak picked up the burrito and unwrapped it.

“Aww, you think I’m special.” Even fawned over the fake compliment and Isak rolled his eyes.

Isak let it slide though, when he realized he owed Even gratitude. “Thanks for the burrito,” he mumbled around the first bite in his mouth.

“You’re welcome.” Even’s voice dropped the teasing tone as well. “Why another late night though?”

“My weekly meeting with the Chief is now on Thursday mornings, so I’m compiling what I’ve been working on since last week.” It wasn’t much, but Isak had been putting the task off until the last minute, so he had all of the latest information in front of him. Every other story he was working on had become a strange new priority over it, and lengthened his Wednesday. “What about you?” Isak wouldn’t put it past Even to wait around just to get in his face, but he _had_ noticed Even each time he’d run to the bathroom, and he seemed busy throughout the day.

“Still working on my social media policy. It’s a lot of back-and-forth with Legal.”

“Oh, I forgot about that. When is it again?”

“Friday. I think it’s on your calendar?”

“Yeah, yeah, I just was too busy to remember the details of the invitation.”

“You’ll come, right? Even though you don’t use it?”

Isak took a bite and nodded. “Now that I know you won’t use me as a bad example, it might actually be interesting.” He remembered how interesting Even’s last presentation had been, up until his own profile appeared on screen. But in general Isak understood the importance of the policy as it pertained to how he did business, how he sourced his work, and what he could expect from his coworkers. Perhaps it would turn Marius’s account into something useful.

“Well it’s not going to be as…workshop-y as the other one. Mostly just me spouting the highlights of a giant document I’m going to email around. And then taking practical questions.” Even must’ve noticed how Isak’s face changed when he heard there would be a Q&A portion. “I said _practical_ questions. If you raise your hand as a joke I will absolutely ignore you.”

“You do realize that is not exactly a threat.”

“You wouldn’t be able to handle if I actually started threatening you.”

This made Isak stop chewing, because the first thought that popped into his head was what Even could do to blackmail him. He half stood out of his chair to look around at the other cubicles and see who was still in the office, who might be listening to their conversation, even though neither of them had said anything. His voice was small when he finally swallowed. “Please don’t.”

Even looked confused, and then his face dropped. “Oh jesus, no Isak, I didn’t mean—I would never.”

Isak believed Even, but it didn’t quite erase the fear that had bubbled up in his throat.

Even tried to change the subject, asking questions about Isak’s other stories and sharing some feedback he’d seen from the tweets he’d been posting. He offered to do round-ups for Isak, since he probably wasn’t seeing those reactions on his own. This launched a small rant from Isak on the kind of audience a social media account creates, which Even was happy to rebut with his own research. Isak hadn’t really understood how much of Even’s time was spent figuring out their readership and accessibility; he thought he was just trying to rewrite a headline ten different ways and not turn them into memes. He became less argumentative as he ate, and found out over the course of a one-sided dinner what Even actually did when he was staring at his screen and running his hands through his hair.

“Of course it has its downsides. It’s easy to get sucked into it and just scroll for days. And to do it in some pursuit of like…more knowledge or more perspectives. Better awareness of who you’re talking to so you can figure out the best way to reach them. But that will backfire if you don’t have boundaries. I have to log off and compartmentalize. Going to Maja’s cabin really helps too, like physically distancing myself from it and being around other people who aren’t also constantly checking. Or stuff like this, going to talk to people away from my computer.” Even gestured between them.

“You _do_ like to hang out at other people’s cubicles.”

Even shrugged. “Yeah, I like talking to people. But also sometimes it’s just easier to get an answer in person.” He sighed. “Email truly isn’t some people’s strong suit.” A flicker of worry must’ve crossed Isak’s face, because Even quickly added. “You’ve gotten better at it though.”

He didn’t know how he felt about it, but he accepted the compliment anyway. “Thanks.”

“And on that note, I’ll let you get back to your emails.” Even shifted in his chair to begin scootering away.

“Are you going back to work too?”

“Nah, I shut down before I went to get you dinner.”

“Oh.”

“Boundaries!” he sang as he braced his feet and shoved himself out into the hallway.

Isak finished up his own work pretty quickly after Even left, since his momentum had disappeared with dinner and Even’s advice made its subtle impression. He was going to review his work in the morning anyway, so fretting over little details now wasn’t going to save him anything in the future. With a full belly and settled mind, he went home.

* * *

The meeting with the Chief went well, and Isak was able to relax a bit. With less to update him on, their time together shifted into a more conversational mode. The Chief even indulged in some theories he had about how the prosecutors were pursuing their case, considering how long it took them to come forward and acknowledge Isak’s work. It was both comforting and motivating, and gave Isak an idea for what to do with Emma on Saturday.

“So when you said we were going to look at some art, this is what you meant?” Emma stared up at the decorated wall on the end of a strip of storefronts. It was a free-for-all wall, occasionally painted over by the tenants but only to provide a new canvas for artists.

“Well…yeah. It’s art. But it’s also for work. I need to take pictures and record changes, and it’s a nice day for a walk, so I thought we could combine the two.”

It _was_ a nice day. They met up for lunch and then hit the streets before too many shadows would get in the way. Emma was happily tagging along, thinking they were going to go to a museum or gallery to slowly walk off their meal. When Isak revealed the first piece they were going to observe, Emma was confused, then disappointed.

“Sorry for uh…withholding that information.”

“It’s okay. Actually….” She thought for a moment, then brightened considerably. “I’m going to get some nice shots out of this.” Emma took over Isak’s graffiti photoshoot like the professional that she was, figuring out which swirls and strikes and words and cartoons would make the nicest aesthetic for Instagram and fitting her body against them for contrast. Isak took the pictures she wanted on her phone. Then, while she started her editing process, Isak took the pictures he needed on his own phone. It definitely counted as more “work” than “date,” but overall was enjoyable for both of them. Isak was able to accomplish something for himself, and Emma didn’t ask too many questions as to why.

He took her to four other walls, three of which he was already tracking and a new one he’d seen on Instagram and wanted to confirm in person. The tag he was looking for wasn’t there anymore, but its spot was painted over and waiting for a reply. That was enough for Isak to add to his map. By the time he was done, Emma had posted her photo and added a behind-the-scenes shot of Isak to her story. 

On their walk back to Emma’s apartment, still going slow, Emma looped her arm around Isak’s and leaned into his shoulder. “This is it, you know.”

“Eh?”

“You’ve fulfilled your duties. No more photos.”

“Oh.” He knew this, but it was still sobering to hear it.

“Next I’m going to draft my break-up post. I have a photo to use in mind, and I’ll send it all to you for review.” She was using terminology that reminded Isak of Even’s emails requesting copy edits: all business, no more small talk. It felt at odds with where they’d been all day, comfortably together, enjoying each other’s company. Isak bent his arm to secure Emma to his side.

“Okay.”

“I thought you’d be more excited about your freedom.”

He wasn’t sure if it was freedom. They were currently at a level of attachment that hadn’t changed for years, and it was something he didn’t mind. So he didn’t know if it was freedom, if there were no binds to be broken. “It doesn’t feel…different.”

Emma hummed, which he knew was agreement.

“Like, it will be the same, right? We can still go out together? I can still see you?” There must’ve been more worry in his voice, because Emma stopped walking to look at him.

“Of course. You’re right, it will still be the same. You just won’t have to take pictures of me, or with me anymore. You don’t have to worry about my fans.”

He gave her a small smile. “It had been a bit of a package deal with them, huh.”

“Yeah, but you were there first.”

His smile grew. “You could say I…discovered you.”

It was a joke he used to make years ago, back when she was getting her first growth in the business, and Isak was proud of her and wanted a claim to her fame. He still felt that pride, but he wanted to claim it in a different way. Emma smiled because she knew the joke. She let him keep it. “Chronologically, you were my number one fan.” He clasped his free hand to his chest as if holding onto a medal pinned to his shirt. “I’ll give you that credit in the caption.”

Assurances in place, they kept walking.

* * *

He heard Elias’s friends through the apartment door as he approached. He checked his phone for the time: almost seven. He thought he would miss them entirely by spending the day with Emma but he hadn’t noticed how long they usually stayed, or remembered if Elias told him that. He took a breath to prepare himself before he entered.

A chorus of his name greeted him as soon as he unlocked the door. Even was there, of course, sandwiched between Mutta and Mikael on the couch. It felt like walking into a dorm room back in university, where everyone was excited to see a friend join the crowd. Isak smiled without meaning to. “Hey guys.”

“Isak, perfect timing. We’re just about to order Chinese. Do you want some?” Elias climbed over his friends’ legs to get to Isak and show him the order he was placing on his phone. Isak read it while he toed of his shoes. He wasn’t hungry just then, but he probably would be by the time it arrived. He also wasn’t immediately resistant to the idea of eating with them in front of the TV. It would almost feel aggressive if he were to make his own dinner separately and hide in his room anyway. “Add an order of steamed bao and some spring rolls, please.”

“Oooooh, steamed bao. Wait, put an order in for me too.” Mutta waved at Elias to get his attention.

“Okay. Wait.” Elias typed. “I’m reading the whole thing.” He recited the order from the top, pointing to Even, Mutta, Mikael, Isak, and himself for each assignment. Everyone listened and nodded to confirm. Once he placed the order, the room unfroze. Isak went to the bathroom.

He checked himself out in the mirror, to make sure he hadn’t come home looking embarrassing. His cheeks were pink from the sunny day but his hair still looked decent and he didn’t have anything in his teeth from lunch. Emma probably would have fixed him up anyway, but he was still nervous enough about his appearance to automatically check. He took a long piss and washed his hands. He paused for another breath before opening the door again.

“Thirty minutes, Isak.” Elias was draped over their one armchair again. Isak nodded in acknowledgement. “Want to play?”

Even paused the game and turned around to look for Isak’s response.

“Um, no, I have to go do some work before dinner. Let me know when it’s here? And text me what I owe you.”

Elias sent him off to his room with a salute.

* * *

When the food arrived, Mutta and Mikael stayed on the couch to keep playing. Elias, Even, and Isak sat around the kitchen table. Isak didn’t know if he would’ve chosen that option, but by the time Elias called him out of his room, the food was spread out on the table and it felt rude to pick his up and run. So he sat. Elias and Even were still somewhat focused on the game, watching the screen from the kitchen, but eventually the conversation shifted. Elias asked him what he did all day, since he left before Elias was woken up by his friends.

“First I went to a couple of parks for some work research—“

Even snorted.

“What?”

“Just the image of you trying to skateboard still cracks me up.” Even continued giggling to himself.

“You skate?”

“No, I just talk to other people who _do_ skate, and I’ve spent a lot of time with them at various parks.”

Elias’s eyes flicked back and forth between Even and Isak. “But….”

“Even just likes to picture me trying to skate and falling off.”

“He won’t admit it but I can guarantee you he has at least tried to skate, and that the resulting fall did happen.”

Even was correct. Isak tried to talk past it. “I am simply more knowledgable about the community than the average bystander. But I’ve never dropped in.” Even snorted again. “_Anyway_, I was doing research, chatting with a few of the rare guys out there in the morning. Usually it’s the newbies who are trying to practice in a more empty area. Less pressure. Um, and then I went to meet up with Emma for lunch and we looked at some art.”

Elias’s eyes flicked again. “Who’s Emma?”

“My ex-girlfriend.”

Isak did not provide any further details, but it was obvious from the look on Elias’s face that he already had some suspicions, and was piecing things together. “Does…she happen to be a model?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Suddenly Even spoke up in a voice that was slightly louder than necessary. “Okay, before this gets worse, yes, Elias, this is the same Emma.”

“What do you mean, ‘same Emma’?”

“Elias knows I was talking to Emma through Instagram for a bit.”

Elias clicked his tongue. “Dude, you were _constantly_ on her page. He had notifications on for her.” Elias pointed this out to Isak as if it were a self-explanatory statement of Even’s interest. “But wait, _she_’s your ex?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“When did you break up?”

Isak shrugged, not quite remembering the date like a bad anniversary.”Maybe a month ago? A month and a half?”

Elias’s eyes went wide at Even. Even knew what he was asking. “Not because of me you jackass.”

It was Isak’s turn to snort. “Well….”

Even rolled his eyes, plucking a shumai up and chewing on it before explaining his defense. “Emma was cheating on Isak with another model. Not me. He didn’t know until I found out, after _talking_ to her, and told him.” Even kept eating. Isak watched Elias, who was taking all of this information in and processing it.

“Okay. I think I get it now,” Elias said slowly. Even jabbed his chopsticks at him in some sort of agreement. “Right, you’re sorted. But let’s go back to the fact that Isak had a date with his ex-girlfriend.”

Both Even and Elias squared in on Isak, eyes wide with suspicion. Isak stammered through his struggle for an explanation. “What! We’re friends. We hang out.”

“I think I understand why you might be having trouble with the whole dating thing,” Elias concluded.

Isak blushed. “I’m not…I’m not trying to get back with her or anything. We were just together for a really long time, and it’s hard to cut it off cold turkey. Besides, she’s like my wingman now. She wants to help me start dating too.”

Mutta hollered from the couch, “Red flag!” Isak thought he was talking about the game somehow, but once he paused it Mutta turned around and pointed a strong finger at Isak. “That is very suspicious behavior Isak, and I won’t allow it.”

All of the guys erupted into laughter. Isak joined them, mostly out of nervousness.

“You need a wingman? We’ll be your wingmen. No need to drag an ex into your rebound sex or the horny-as-hell texts you’re going to be sending.”

“I don’t—“

Mutta wagged his finger. “No. You’re looking for action? Come to us for that support. We can set you straight.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Mikael slapped at Mutta’s head, trying to get him to return to the game.

Even was laughing. “As skeptical as I am of Emma getting you laid, I doubt any of us would be much help either. We have all been painfully single for months now.”

“Although Mutta is the most recent, I think? Right? Wasn’t there that chick over the winter?” Mutta raised an arm in victory at Elias’s detail. Even continued to laugh at the ridiculous of the wingman campaign. For some reason, though, Isak wanted to play into it. He smiled.

“Well here’s the thing: we’ve been together for so long that I don’t even know the basics. Like we’re still at the ‘should I download an app?’ stage, since I didn’t really even use them before we met in school. And so far using Emma makes sense, because she _does_know me pretty well. She knows my most attractive features. She also takes pretty good pictures of me, and she’s been styling me for years.” Isak went to his phone to look for the photo they’d taken in front of some graffiti, which he thought would be a great start for a profile pic. He pulled it up and showed it off to Even and Elias. “Also, compared to all of you guys, _she_'s actually the one who has most recently pulled a girl.”

There was a beat of silence while the detail of Emma’s relationship status set in, while the other guys realized that Isak’s girlfriend had left him for a girl. Then the apartment erupted in screams and howls. Mutta fell trying to climb over the back of the couch, his eyes wide for a variety of reasons. Isak allowed the self-deprecation of the joke to spread like fire among the friends, but he did notice a look from Even, something bordering concern behind the laughter that he contributed. Mikael announced that he needed to take a shot of something, in honor of their fallen soldier. “You turned her, dude. That is absolutely savage. _And_ you’re still paying for her drinks.”

The game was paused, and the search for alcohol began. Then they made Isak download some apps.


	24. Analytics

Even sent screenshots of Isak’s profile to the group chat.

**Marius:** is this what i think it is

**Maja:** Isak Isak Isak are you on Tinder now????

**Marius:** fucking finally

**Marius:** *finally fucking

**Even:** Your constructive criticism would be appreciated

**Isak:** IT WOULD FUCKING NOT. HOW DID YOU GET THIS.

**Even:** It took me like, five swipes to find you

**Kari Anne:** i am side-eyeing this conversation so hard right now.

Maja did a thorough analysis and sent her critique to Isak during his pitch meeting. She thought the photo selection was excellent and was impressed with their quality. She thought he could add some more details to his bio, since it felt a little dry. Isak laughed at her email, how formal it sounded, how seriously she was taking this task. After he’d gone through the somewhat painful but rather hilarious process of creating the account with Elias’s friends, Isak had ignored the app entirely. Maja was apparently paying enough attention to it to make up for that. _Thank you for your email. Let’s review your points over ten beers at Nine’s on Friday._ She was waiting for him in the booth when he arrived.

“God I’ve been dying to talk to you and also eat these french fries. This has been the longest week but now I have both of you in front of me so I’m happy.” She was smiling so wide that it was contagious. “Anyway, give me some background: why have we decided to finally join the dating pool?” Maja had even bought Isak’s first beer so he didn’t have to delay her questioning with a trip to the bar. He took a sip.

“On Saturday I was having dinner with Elias and his friends and they convinced me that it was time to start looking.”

“I knew I liked him for a reason.”

“Yeah, he’s a cool guy. I’d also been talking to Emma about dating too, and earlier that day we took some photos that I ended up using, so…it was just the right time to finally create my profile.”

“Ah, so this is truly a group effort.”

Isak nodded. He stole a french fry.

“Then I feel a little less weird about my email.”

“You felt weird about it?”

Maja shrugged. “I asked Kari Anne if I was coming on too strong, because I know you said you didn’t want constructive criticism, and I know I can be pretty aggressive over email. But it was so hard to resist! This is like in those old movies where the girl gets the makeover in order to get the guy. And I’m coming in hot with my eye shadow and curling iron.” She gave him fingers guns. He laughed, completely understanding her reference. It actually excited him, now that she phrased it like that, and he was grateful for her expertise.

Maja started off recapping the points of her email from memory, and then had Isak open the app to start editing. He moved around to her side of the booth so they could look at his phone together. It took them two beers each to get his profile up to Maja’s standards, but she also thought that there was still room for improvement. “You’re already doing so much better than many other men I’ve seen, but like, it wouldn’t hurt to keep polishing, y’know? Mix it up a bit, keep it fresh. Don’t obsess, of course, but don’t let yourself get stale. You don’t have any matches yet but I think you’ll get plenty.” She gave him a pat on the shoulder, then excused herself to the bathroom.

While she was gone, Even and Kari Anne showed up. Even went to the bar to get a fresh round, and Kari Anne picked up where Maja left off. “May I?” she asked, gesturing for access to his phone. He handed it over.

“I basically changed everything that Maja wrote in her email.”

Kari Anne nodded throughout her review, checking things off of a mental list. “Looks good. I wouldn’t swipe right on you, but like…I’d swipe right on you.”

“Why thank you.”

“How does it feel?”

“What do you mean?”

“Putting yourself out there. Being available.”

“Uh.”

Kari Anne rolled her eyes. “You know what? Forget I asked. It’s not going to feel any different for you. Some absolutely gorgeous human being is going to snatch you up right away and you won’t feel a single second of rejection or feel terminally alone. Ugh. Your handsomeness disgusts me.” She threw up her arms and Isak laughed.

“Are you okay?”

“What happened?” Even returned to the table, his hands full. He distributed the beers.

“Kari Anne is upset….” Isak was kind of confused by her sudden turn on him and let her try to explain herself.

“Just look at him! Does he look like the kind of guy who is going to struggle with getting a date? I don’t know why we’re jumping at the chance to get him laid when it will probably happen on its own without an app anyway.”

Even _did_ look at him. Isak blushed under the gaze, less because it was Even and more because it was Even from before. Isak recognized the gaze from Even’s apartment, and the way it had assessed a more naked body than the one at Nine’s. The small curl of Even’s mouth was the same though. “You’re right, he probably doesn’t need an app. But that’s not going to stop me from judging him on it.”

Kari Anne looked like she was going to hand Isak’s phone to Even as he settled into the booth next to her. Isak reached across the table to snatch it back. “Absolutely not.”

Even pouted. Maja returned to the booth. “Ah great, you guys are here. Have you seen his profile?” She settled into her seat as if she were returning to an all-hands meeting, trying to catch her colleagues up on the latest developments in a national emergency.

“I thought all of your suggestions were excellent and it’s really improved.”

“He won’t let me look.”

“You already found my profile! Go swipe someone else.” They all laughed, as Isak revealed how little he truly understood about the app he was supposed to be using. He gasped in annoyance and turned his phone over. “Whatever. My profile is perfect now. We can move on.”

Kari Anne reached out a hand. “Whoa whoa, wait, aren’t we going to swipe on some options?”

“No.”

“Pretty please with a cherry on top?” Maja gave him puppy dog eyes.

“Go swipe on your own account.”

“Mine has been so dry lately.”

“And that’s my fault?”

But then Maja’s spine straightened and her eyes lit up. “I’ll just swipe until I find you! I can be your first match.”

Everyone laughed. “Bold of you to assume I would swipe right on _you_, though.” Maja slapped his shoulder, but didn’t let his comment deter her. She pulled her beer closer to her and focused all of her attention on her phone. She was on a mission, and Isak, Kari Anne, and Even would have to entertain themselves until she had accomplished it.

Marius showed up about half an hour later, apologizing for being late and demanding to know what he missed. Even caught him up on Isak’s new profile, and Marius gave him a high five for finally getting him on board. That evolved into a lengthy conversation about Marius’s continued activity on Tinder while also dating someone pretty regularly. The exclusivity debate required more french fries and two more rounds of drinks. By the time Kari Anne demanded a cigarette, they were all getting heated over a dating app and needed the break. Isak and Even stayed behind, as usual.

“Was it really that easy to find me?” Isak finally asked the question that’s been bothering him since Even posted in the group chat.

“Eh?”

“On Tinder. You said you only had to swipe through a few people before you found me.”

“Well, yeah, but I also knew your settings. I could change mine to match them specifically and make it more likely I would only be offered you.”

“Oh.”

“And that’s probably why Maja still hasn’t found you; she is casting a very wide net.”

Isak nodded.

“But that reminds me, I think we had set your interests to, uh, both men and women. You might want to change that if you don’t want guys showing up.”

“Wait, really?”

“Um, yeah. I don’t know if it was intentional or we just sort of skipped over that. Or maybe it was wishful thinking on my part. But the guys were more focused on just getting you out there no matter what, completing your profile.” Even sped through an excuse. He looked nervous.

“Oh.” Isak looked down at his phone, which was asleep. He probably should change the setting, but he couldn’t make himself pick up his phone.

“Have you…not been swiping at all?”

“No. I sort of lost steam after you guys left. Like, I’m glad you got me set up but I wasn’t in the mood to start looking at profiles, and then I just never did.”

“Oh. Well I guess that makes sense that you didn’t notice the dudes.”

The corner of Isak’s mouth twitched. Now he was curious. But he kept his voice low. “Is your profile set to guys?”

“Both.”

“Do you swipe a lot?”

“Not lately. Definitely not on Maja’s level.” Even imitated the speed she’d been swiping with his finger. “But I was looking, before. And it actually turned out to be helpful, research-wise. Can’t play the game if you don’t know the field.”

Isak broke out a full smile. “Tell that to Marius and see how fast he adds that line to his own profile.”

Even rolled his eyes and relaxed, slumping down in his seat. “I should unleash the guys on that profile and see how they do. I cannot imagine the kinds of conversations he’s having.”

The guys, as Isak also now referred to them in his head, had gone over some of their best opening lines and conversation topics to keep a girl talking. Isak noticed that Even didn’t share much of his own tips, but it made sense that he was more about gathering research than testing theories. And he also tended to have an adoring audience already, in an even more public forum. He was like Emma in that he had fans. But they’d laughed at the outlandish stories the guys shared, and those had both inspired and discouraged Isak in the same breath. They’d given Isak plenty of ammunition but he had yet to shoot his shot.

“But for real, you should tighten up your settings just in case they want to keep poking around in there. Sometimes they like to play Tinder roulette, or these like, catchphrase games with the girls they match with. We connect our phones to the TV and pass our profiles around.”

“So it’s just a game to you guys.”

“Ah, yeah. Well…you can’t take it too seriously, otherwise it’ll just get frustrating. And it would just be an added benefit if you find a girl who gets the joke, who doesn’t mind getting laughed at.” Even coughed lightly. “Or guy. Whatever.”

Isak got it then, what Even wanted him to do. He didn’t mind that Isak might be interested in guys, but he wanted Isak to protect himself. He was being quite public with his intentions, and he knew how quickly things turned into a joke, an opportunity to mock each other, with his friends. He didn’t want that to happen to Isak. Isak picked up his phone and stumbled into his profile settings.

“So I just…this will make it women only?” He showed his phone to Even, who sat up straight and examined the screen.

“Um, yeah. Sometimes you’ll get a glitch, and a dude will slip through. But this will keep you pretty safe.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Isak pulled his phone back into his chest. He stared at it for a moment, before saving the change and returning to the swipe screen. “Is it permanent?”

Even’s eyes went wide. “No! No, you can switch it however you like, whenever you want. I’m not sure how it affects people you’ve matched with, like if it unmatches people who no longer fit the category. But that would probably only happen if you switched…uh, switched from only women to only men.” Even cleared his throat. “Like if you matched with Maja, and then changed your settings, she might disappear.”

“Jesus Christ I hope I never match with Maja.”

“Yeah, that could be awkward. I’ve purposefully matched with some of my friends though, just to take them out of the rotation. If you’re on the same page about it, it’s fine.”

“Ugh, this is so complicated. I don’t think I want to date at all now.” He dropped his phone onto the table and picked up his beer, taking a long drink.

“You don’t have to. You can just…sit it out as long as you want. I can also tell everyone to stop pressuring you if you want.”

Isak appreciated the support from Even but also wrinkled his nose at it. “That would be suspicious.”

“How is not wanting to date suspicious?”

“No, you like…defending me. I don’t need a body guard.”

Even rolled his eyes. “I’m not doing that.”

Isak scoffed. “Okay.”

They looked at each other, measuring each other up. Isak knew Even would do it anyway—talk to his friends on Isak’s behalf—so he had to think of a different tactic. If he got annoyed, that seemed to only egg Even on, or somehow prove his point. Somehow Isak had to retreat.

“I might not even need to use the app. Emma is going to post her break-up photo next week and then she thinks I’ll just have plenty of options right there.”

Even nodded. “I can see that. Especially if they think they know you already. But…that means you’ll actually have to use Instagram.” Even got him there, and he knew it. His smirk returned in full force. Isak picked up a burnt end of a fry and chucked it at Even. 

“Maybe I’ll get Maja to filter through those offers.”

“What am I going to do?” Maja’s cheery voice appeared at his shoulder. Isak startled.

Even explained: “Emma is going to announce their break-up next week and Isak thinks he’s going to have hundreds of people throwing themselves at him now that he’s single. He might need to enlist you to weed through those potential matches as well.”

Maja clapped her hands and hopped on her toes. Even shuffled himself into the center of the booth so Kari Anne and Marius could sit on the bench. “Depending on the day, this might call for an emergency Nine’s meeting. Be ready.”

Isak shook his head at Even, who was now sitting next to him. “You’re the worst.”

“Do you hate me?” The fact that the question came with a teasing smile guaranteed Isak’s answer.

“Always.”

Even leaned back, somehow proud of himself. “Back to normal,” he observed. “Feels good.”

* * *

Emma chose Tuesday night to post their finale. She spent most of the day texting Isak about the exact time, going back and forth between seven o’clock and ten o’clock. Then, suddenly, she decided she was going to post it at five. _i’m just delaying the inevitable for no reason. and a social media expert once said this was a good time anyway._ Isak was upset because this decision meant he was still going to be at the office when she posted, and not at home hiding in his bed. He walked over to Even’s office with his frustration.

“Did you put her up to this?”

Even had to finish typing before he could look up at Isak in his doorway. “What?” Isak shoved his phone in Even’s face, displaying Emma’s texts. Even mouthed the words as he read them. “Wait, what’s this about?”

“She’s going to announce the break-up at five.”

“And you think I told her when to do it?”

“Yeah, you’re a social media expert.”

Even snorted. “I’m not the only social media expert in the world.”

“Yeah, but you talk to her.”

He snorted again. “Not since you broke up, dude.” Even swiped his own phone off of his desk and opened up his Instagram messages, shoving them in Isak’s face just like Isak had done. Isak didn’t bother reading them.

“Whatever.”

“Why are you so upset about it? I thought you were excited. It’ll finally be over.”

Isak just shrugged and walked away.

Back at his desk, Isak agreed to five o’clock. The back-and-forth had annoyed him, and Even had annoyed him, and the only way he was going to get over it was to power back into his work. So he did. He put on his headphones and transcribed a few phone calls he’d made the day before, and then started research on quarries, which is where his construction story was taking him. The rest of the afternoon disappeared between Isak and his computer.

The next thing Isak knew, his chair was being pulled away from his desk, taking him with it. He let out a yelp that made Marthe pop up over the wall. “Are you—oh, hi Even.”

It was hard to whip around while he was in transit, but Isak tried. “Even, what the fuck.”

Even explained the situation to Isak’s neighbors with a smile. “He’s late for a meeting, sorry to disturb.”

“What? No! What time is it?”

“Exactly.”

Isak was too confused to fight, and all of his strength was being spent trying to remain upright anyway. Even bumped him backwards through his office door, cleared his desk, and spun him around in front of his bookshelf. “What the fu—…is that pizza?” Isak had finally gotten to his feet and noticed the pizza box sitting next to the red typewriter. He inhaled its hot scent.

“I wasn’t sure what kind you liked so I got you plain.”

Isak opened the box and immediately salivated. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to find Even offering him a paper plate. He was too hungry to question it.

“It’s almost five.”

“Eh?” Isak peeled a slice from the pie and transferred it to his plate. When he turned around again he found Even standing by his door, closing it. “What’s going on?”

“We’re going to eat pizza and watch your break-up…live."

“No. Even, no.” Isak almost dropped his pizza when he let his shoulder slump and arms fall to his sides. “Come on, I don’t want to watch it.”

“Well…you don’t have to, if you don’t want to. But I have pizza and _I'm_ going to, so it’s up to you whether you want to join me or let me have all the fun on my own.”

Isak looked down at the pizza. He was really hungry. And he didn’t want Even pulling any weird shit behind his back. Maybe he could just eat a slice, make sure Even didn’t fuck anything up, and then go right back to his desk. He sat down. He ignored the giant smile that spread across Even’s face as he crossed to the bookshelf for his own slice. “If you type a comment, if you even _think_ about responding with a single emoji, I will twist your balls off.”

“Ooo, don’t tempt me.”

Isak gave a half-hearted kick at Even’s ass before he pushed himself backward toward the desk. He checked the clock on Even’s computer: they had five minutes to go. He ate.

He knew what she was going to post. They’d reviewed the caption, tweaking some details that kept the honesty of the occasion while also being vague enough to protect themselves. The photo was a nice one, from a work trip they’d taken together, snapped by another model. Isak was standing behind Emma on a hotel room balcony, arms wrapped around her waist, planting a kiss on her cheek. Even though it wasn’t one of her preferred poses, she said she liked it because it showed who Isak had always been: supporting and loving when they were together, caring more about her than the camera. Also his hair looked good, a bit tousled from the wind and saltwater that was whipping up from whatever ocean was below them. He couldn’t remember, exactly. It hadn’t been the best option for a post back then, but as an outtake, its imperfections worked well now. Isak wondered what Even would think of it.

“She probably ran the whole timing thing past her agent. They would’ve given her advice on it too.”

“Huh?”

“Whoever the social media expert is that told her five o’clock.”

“Oh.” Isak had already forgotten that he’d been upset about that.

“I’m not too familiar with her audience, but I could see why something earlier would be more appealing. It all depends on how much attention you want it to get.” Isak mumbled nothing behind his next bite. “And if she went to her agency to help coordinate it, they might be very interested in getting as much traction from the personal post as they can."

Even had returned to his chair. He made space on his desk for both of their plates, so they didn’t have to eat out of their laps. Isak focused on his pizza, while Even went back to his screen. “God I wish I had a second monitor,” Even muttered, while he clicked around.

“Ask for one.”

“I did. But it seems to be held up in like…budget approval or whatever.”

“Oh.” Isak remembered how Even’s computer was set up at his apartment, two large monitors set up high. He was about to suggest that Even work from home more, but then he realized that was giving the newspaper an excuse to not support its own employees’ efforts to work efficiently. Although, they were currently sitting in Even’s office eating pizza and refreshing his ex-girlfriend’s Instagram page, so perhaps the argument was being made anyway.

“Is she going to leave the comments on?”

“Um…I think so. We didn’t talk about that, but I don’t know if she’s ever turned them off.”

“Okay.”

Isak watched while Even clicked around on the page, opening old posts and toggling back and forth between the profile, some sort of dashboard, and an Excel spreadsheet. “What are you doing?”

“I want to track her engagement. I’m keeping an eye on follower count, comments and likes on old posts with you versus old posts with Beverly and ones with just herself. We’re also watching mentions on twitter. There are a couple of hashtags for you guys as well, that aren’t used all that often but they might blow up with the news.”

“I have a hashtag?”

Even tore his eyes from the screen to level a look at Isak. “No you don’t. Forget I said anything.”

“Even.”

“Nope.”

“What does it say?”

“Nothing.”

“Even!”

“Eat your pizza.”

“Does Emma know about it? Will she use it?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.”

“Tell meeeee.” It came out as a whine that Isak was instantly embarrassed by.

“For all the times I’ve offered social media summaries, it’s the one about your ex’s hashtag that you actually want?”

“Well yeah, if it’s saying personal stuff about me, of course I want to see it!”

“Calm down. It’s nothing negative.”

“Still. Tell me what it is.”

“Let’s just see if it blows up first. We’re almost there. How punctual is she?”

Isak shrugged and popped the last bite of crust into his mouth. “She has her late moments but it’s not a habit."

“Okay.” Even went back to toggling between the windows, refreshing Instagram regularly as soon as five o’clock hit. Isak pushed himself back to the bookshelf to get a second slice. “Aaaaand, we’re live.”

Isak scrambled back to the desk, shoving his chair up against Even’s trying to get a good look at the screen as if he didn’t know what the post was going to say already.

“I have all of her baselines, and we’re going to track every sixty seconds. Nice photo.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you have your phone?”

“Why?”

“I’m tracking your account too, but it would be interesting to see your DMs. That’s what prompted all of this in the first place anyway.” Even pulled his eyes off the screen again, but this time he smiled at Isak. “I want to see them blow up, as promised.”

A heady mix of fear and excitement froze Isak to his chair, put a strange smile on his face, and made his feet move at the same time. This meant he ended up kicking Even’s ankle without actually getting up for his phone. Even yelped, then they both laughed, and then, finally, Isak got his body under control and out of the chair. He left Even’s office at a brisk pace, trying to give off the air that this was a very important work meeting for which he needed his phone, and not, in fact, a pizza party.

**Maja:** SHE POSTED IT. AHHHHHH.

**Marius:** wat

**Maja:** Emma’s break-up post on Instagram.

**Marius:** hold on

**Kari Anne:** it’s…flattering? short. nice picture.

Isak returned to Even’s office and shut the door behind him. Even was looking at his phone too, catching up on the group chat. “Should I invite them over?”

“No.” It was a firm and swift decision that happened automatically. But Isak knew he didn’t want an audience for whatever this was.

**Even:** I’m in a meeting but let me know if anyone comments anything juicy

**Maja:** ON IT.

“Fuck off.”

“She was going to do it anyway. And now she’ll do it on her own instead of trying to come over here and get us involved.” Isak accepted the logic and returned to his pizza. “Hey, whoa, hey. Instagram, please.” Even snapped his fingers in Isak’s face. Isak rolled his eyes but swapped his slice for his phone.

“It’s been what, ten minutes?”

“Yeah, but you already have seven new followers.” Even was focused on his screen, refreshing pages and logging numbers. Isak went to Instagram and checked his notifications. “May I?” Even reached out his hand, palm up, asking for Isak’s phone. Isak hesitated.

“Promise not to fuck around with anything?”

“Solemnly swear. I just want numbers, not groupies.”

Isak could tell he had messages waiting for him but he didn’t want to look at them. He handed over his phone. Even stared him down and gave him a sincere, “Thank you.” Isak nodded.

Like with the dating profile, there was something easier with handing over the control of his presence to someone else. He wasn’t sure if he actually trusted Even with it, or if he simply didn’t care enough to worry in the first place. Which was strange because…wasn’t he trying to find someone new? Why would he put his fate in the hands of a bunch of guys he’d only just met? Isak tried to sort through his attitude toward dating while Even continued working. He ate his pizza and watched Even move from his phone to his computer and back again, not really taking anything in but being mesmerized by the process nonetheless.

“Kari Anne wanted to do this. The numbers stuff.”

“Yeah?” Even looked over at him.

“Not exactly like this, but just…how Emma’s content performed after the break-up versus before.”

“Well I might be able to pull together a report for her in a couple of weeks.”

“Is that how long you’re going to track her?”

“I wasn’t planning on it. I was just mostly curious about this specific event. But if it’s interesting I might do some more general tracking. Daily counts, maybe.”

Isak couldn’t tell if it was interesting or creepy. His own curiosity about the effect of a public break-up outweighed his instinct to spit out a “stalker” accusation at Even’s behavior. But also, this was public information. Anyone could do this, if they wanted to. Kari Anne could do it, Isak could do it. Even was doing it because he was good at it. He could do it _well_. Isak didn’t mind as much because he now understood how much work it actually took to gather that information and turn it into a digestible trend. He was happy to wait for the results and just eat pizza.

“Okay, the messages are coming in hot. The comments are mostly like…condolences. As if you had died. But your DMs are much more aggressive.” Even held up Isak’s phone so he could see what was popping up on the screen. He opened the first one his eye was drawn to, someone screaming: ARE YOU GAY? PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE GAY. Isak opened up the sender’s profile; it was a young guy, attractive looking, possibly a model or possibly just someone trying to look like a model. Again, the thought flashed through his mind seemingly unprompted: _Not my type_.

“You don’t have to answer these,” Even whispered. Isak swiped back to his own profile and leaned back, releasing Even from his demonstration. Even put the phone down. “In fact you should probably let them sit until the general fervor over the announcement has died down. But you have a uh, wide variety of fans that are interested in the break-up for personal reasons.” Isak nodded.

Even went back to his work, focusing more on Emma’s profile, and offering occasional commentary. “It’s mostly just circulating via her fans right now. If it gets picked up for press, we might not see anything on it until tomorrow morning, and then we’ll have another wave. You’re both gaining followers pretty steadily though.”

“Maybe we’re a lot more interesting when we’re apart.”

“Maybe." There were a few moments of silence. Isak could tell that Even was thinking, that his mind wasn't shifting back to the numbers just yet. "I think it’s more that you guys are a mystery now, and people want to solve it. Not that your break-up was vague, but anytime a long-lasting relationship like yours ends, people feel compelled to understand why.”

Isak shrugged. “People change.” It was part of what they’d written in the caption. They’d both changed, and were interested in pursuing different lives as great friends rather than romantic partners. Even nodded at his computer. There was more thinking.

“It’s never enough, though. Even if you answer the why, they’ll just come back asking for the how.”

Even said it with a particular tone in his voice that made Isak wonder what he’d gone through himself, to share that hint at Isak’s new future. What had Even seen? What was Isak going to see? What questions would Isak have to face now that he was just Isak, and no longer part of Emma and Isak?

He ate his pizza while Even worked, no longer hungry but desperate for something to do that would distract him from thinking about those answers.

* * *

On Wednesday Isak received a calendar invitation from Even, for lunchtime on Friday. He’d put “Analytics Review” in the subject line, and then in the description: _Bring your own lunch. I’m not going to feed you this time._ It made Isak laugh, and he accepted it immediately.


	25. Shithead

Isak didn’t open Tinder again for another week, even though Maja asked him constantly about it. Mutta asked about it too, but Even cut him off with a hand slicing in front of his neck. Isak either brushed it off or ignored it, excusing himself with a workload that was too busy for it. Instagram was a different story, though. He had a lot more followers now, and a lot of questions waiting for him in his direct messages. At night, after he’d cleaned up from dinner or watched a movie with Elias, he would go into his room, flop onto his bed, and scroll through everyone’s curiosities about his personal life. Some of them were just innocent hellos, possibly encouraged by his singleness, or just the fact that he wasn’t attached to Emma anymore. But there were the longer ones, the introductions and the probes and the…well, they were horny. That was the only way to describe them: horny. Even had noticed a similar situation in Isak’s suddenly robust comments. They weren’t quite as forward as the direct messages, but they were definitely aggressively flirty. It gave them a good laugh on Friday and it gave Isak a lot to think about for the rest of the weekend. And every night since.

The guy who had messaged him in caps lock, that first message he’d read in Even’s office, messaged twice more: first he apologized for screaming and then he followed it with _Not like I’d have a chance but holy shit you’re so hot and it would just make sense._ Isak kept coming back to that message, that line, that it would just make sense. He wanted to ask the guy what he meant by it. How did Isak being gay make any sense at all? It certainly didn’t to Isak, and he didn’t understand why it would make sense to someone who ostensibly came from his ex-girlfriend’s Instagram post. But Isak also didn’t want to talk about being gay with a stranger. He didn’t want to entertain that idea for the guy, even if he wanted to deny it. Isak knew what any kind of response from him could be construed as, how “no comment” was very much a comment. So he just kept reading the messages over and over again until his own silence bothered him enough to do something.

It was Wednesday night. He was under the covers, his phone plugged in, and he should’ve been drifting off to sleep after another long day at work. His belly was full with leftover tajine and fresh bread, and his window was open to the cool night air. But Isak kept flopping over to his side to check his phone, specifically to see if any more messages had come in, asking questions he didn’t have answers to. Around eleven o’clock he went to his contacts and found Shithead.

“Isak?”

“Do I have to answer them?”

“Isak? Are you seriously calling me right now?”

Even’s voice sounded like he’d just woken up. Isak ignored that, trying not to lose his nerve and hang up. “Do I have to answer my messages?”

“What messages? Why are you calling me?”

“Because you’re a social media expert and I don’t want to text you. My Instagram messages. Do I have to answer them?”

“Um….” Isak waited him out. It sounded like he was moving around in bed, maybe sitting up. He wished he was in that room, talking to Even face-to-face, but this was probably the next best option. “No?” More rustling. “No. You don’t have to answer them.” Even sighed. “Is that all, or do you have any other urgent social media questions for me?”

In a surprising attempt to keep Even on the phone, Isak let loose another question that had been sitting just below the surface. “Why do they keep asking me?”

“Are you getting a lot more messages? If you’re being harassed we can report it.”

Isak cringed. “Not…not really.” He didn’t want to lie, because he just wanted actual help. “There’s just a lot of girls kind of throwing themselves at me. And guys too. And that one guy who messaged me first, he’s…he really wants to know. If, y’know….”

He heard Even sigh again, but it was less annoyance at being woken up and more contemplation. “Well…I know the first part, why people are throwing themselves at you. And I know it’s strange because you’re really not used to it. I’m sure they’ve _always_ been throwing themselves at you, but it’s been happening on Emma’s account, and disguised as comments about how cute of a couple you are. But now that you’re not a couple anymore, you're just plain cute. And the announcement probably felt like…permission to them."

“Really?”

“Mmhmm.” It sounded like Even was slightly muffled by his pillow. Isak could picture it. “Instagram is basically a dating app anyway, so they’re all just…making the first move.”

“I don’t like it.”

Even chuckled low in his throat. “That’s the price you gotta pay for being hot, dude.”

Isak pulled his blanket over his head, as if that could block out all of the unwanted attention. They were both quiet, just making bed noises, and Isak settled into it like a comfort. Then Even spoke again, softly. “As for the second part, I think they’re asking because they’re hopeful.”

Isak, for some unknown, terrifying reason, asked, “Why?”

“Well, it’s always nice, when you find someone, and get to know them, and admire them…it’s always nice to then find out that they could possibly be attracted to you. If…if they also like guys. Or, even if it’s not a sexual or romantic attraction, it’s still nice to find someone similar to you. Someone who might understand what it’s like, who might share the same thoughts and feelings. I don’t want to boil it down to saying it’s just validation, but it is, a little bit. If they aren’t looking at you like a piece of ass, then maybe they’re looking at you like…a friend.

“All they want to do is connect with you. It’s up to you whether you want to as well. If you don’t want to talk to them, you don’t have to.”

“But they don’t know me.”

Another soft laugh. “Of course they don’t, because you’re an absolute mystery to the internet. But they _want_ to know you.”

Isak had to get used to that. He tried to settle into it like a comfort as well. Even stayed on the line and waited with him.

“I could be wrong, of course. I don’t actually know why they’re asking you personal questions like that. But that would be my guess. Those are the kinds of questions I want to know when I see someone interesting. And…do you remember…you asked me that too.”

“What?” Something made Isak tense up. Maybe it was the sound of Even’s voice, as it got more timid as he spoke. It made him think he had something to be afraid of, even though he was safely tucked into his blanket cocoon, and Elias was editing in his own bedroom with his headphones on.

“You asked me if I was gay.”

“You’re not.”

“I know, but I mean…you still asked. And for whatever reason you asked, then maybe that’s why they’re asking too.”

Even let him sit with his suggestion for a while. Isak listened to him breathing, then focused on what his reason was for asking. He remembered Even in the bathroom, telling him why he’d asked, the whole kissing or punching bit. It fit with his idea of the people messaging him now, their curiosity motivated by attraction or by internet hate. Sometimes it was obvious, since there were literal offers to suck his dick, but it was the more vague curiosity that…scared him.

“How….” He started. “How do you know that they’re…safe? How do you know that they won’t punch you?” Isak made air quotes with his free hand under the blanket. It was silly, both because Even couldn’t see them and because he didn’t need help understanding the reference.

“I guess you don’t know until you talk to them. As soon as they get inappropriate you can block them though. That’s the benefit to dating through the internet: you have this sort of shield in place at the beginning. If you don’t like the way things are going, or if you’re afraid, you can just…_shunk_, block ‘em, send them away.”

It was still scary to think about, how someone’s bad intentions could be disguised until Isak’s guard was down, but it was reassuring to hear Even talk about it so easily. He’d probably had experience with that. Isak wasn’t sure if it was specifically from online dating or just how he managed his interactions with other people in general, but it was the expertise he’d been looking for when he had called upon a social media expert. “Didn’t quite work on you though.”

It made Even laugh, but it was even lower, softer than before. “That’s because we didn’t meet online.”

“So I should’ve just punched you in person?” He imitated the sound effect Even had made before. “Shunk.”

“You should have…but we kissed instead.”

Isak felt a tingle in his groin that he tried to ignore by rolling on his belly. Luckily Even changed the subject.

“But hey, as much fun as it is coaching you through your social media at midnight, I need to go. I need to sleep.” He let out a real yawn that made Isak pull his phone away from his ear.

“Sorry. Um, thanks for…talking to me.”

“It was good, Isak. You just have really shit timing. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

And then the call ended. Isak looked at his phone, which had switched back to the Instagram messages he’d been worrying over right before he’d called. He didn’t answer any of them. Instead he just turned off his screen and curled into his cocoon a little tighter. It was still warm from Even’s voice, but as the comfort of his advice evaporated, all Isak had left was being tired and lonely. He closed his eyes and hoped to chase it all away with sleep.

* * *

After his meeting with the Chief on Thursday, Isak came back to his desk to find Marius in his chair. He was in a good mood after a productive session, so he entertained his friend instead of kicking him out immediately.

“How was your date with the Chief?” Marius had a tennis ball that he was chucking at the wall. Isak looked over the edge to confirm that Marthe wasn’t there and being driven crazy by the sound and vibrations.

“Fine. He’s been massaging some of his contacts to see if he can get any info on their progress.”

“Sounds like he misses the beat a little bit.”

“Probably. But I don’t mind. It’s nice knowing he’s supportive that way. I also don’t have those kinds of contacts, so….”

“Maybe you should start making them.”

“It’s a bit of a double-edged sword, isn’t it?” Isak leaned against the entrance to his cube. “If they see me sniffing then that might be a flag for them, and interrupt my work. I’d done pretty well before they caught on this time.” Isak was still doing okay, still making progress, but the added pressure was annoying him.

“And it’s not suspicious if the Chief is sniffing around?”

“Well he said he does it regularly. So they wouldn’t know the actual motivation outside of his monthly check-in or whatever.”

Marius nodded slowly as he understood the wisdom. “Got to keep up appearances.”

“Anyway…what’s up?”

“Oh.” He caught the ball. “Um, do you have time to talk?”

Isak squinted. “What kind of talk?”

Marius shrugged. “Work, and other stuff.”

Isak squinted harder. “This is weird.”

“It’s not weird. But can we go to a phone room or something?”

Most of their conversations, as silly as they were, took place in the more public spaces of their cubicles. Isak was intrigued by Marius’s desire for privacy. “Pull up my calendar,” he nodded at the computer behind Marius. “Check if I have any meetings.” Marius did as instructed and revealed a clear afternoon. “Cool, let’s go.”

They settled into the second phone room they found. Isak relaxed into a chair. He released a hint of tension he’d been holding from his meeting with the Chief, and took on some new tension when he saw how troubled Marius’s face had become during the short trip from his cubicle. “Okay, now I’m worried.”

Marius waved his hands around unconvincingly. “No no, I just don’t want to talk about it in public or with the girls or anything. It’s fine.”

“Okay…so are we doing work stuff or other stuff first.”

“Oh, well, the other stuff is just Ida. She’s going to come with us to the cabin next weekend.”

“Um, okay. Great. Is that…upsetting to you?” Isak wasn’t sure why Marius looked so bothered. Maybe she’d managed to invite herself back, similar to Even’s inclusion.

“No, it’s fine with me. But that means you’re going to be kicked out of the bedroom.”

“Ah.” His mind flooded with pictures of the sleeper sofa, and of Even in it. “Shit.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

Isak shrugged it off. “I’ve done it before and survived. I’ll miss you though.” He gave Marius a crooked smile, which actually made him smile in return. Progress. “Okay, so, moving on to work stuff.”

“Right, yes.” Marius tugged on the cuffs of his sleeves as if he were adjusting an invisible suit before a presentation. “So, as you know, I have my team, and they made it to the quarterfinals—“

“Remind me?”

“Ålesund.”

“Thanks.”

“And they’re up against Viking, which isn’t really…that doesn’t matter. But I do think you should come out to see it. Even is already on board, though that might be just because it’s by his house. Anyway, you should come. Boys’ weekend. Except the match is on a Wednesday.” Marius waved his hands again. “Sorry. Not the point. I mean, you should come because it’ll be fun and at that point I’ll have not seen you for two weeks—“

“Marius.”

He took a breath. “Okay. So, it’s for the story. I’m doing all of the football stuff, and that’s fine. But there’s this one player…I think, I think he might be a bigger angle. I’ve been able to spend more time with him and one of the midfielders just kind of coincidentally. They’ve been more helpful with my questions and welcoming me into the locker room and stuff. So I’ve seen more of their personal lives, and it’s all pretty interesting. But it’s not exactly football, and I don’t know if I’m like, overstepping by making it too personal, or if it’s…if it’s _supposed_ to be a story.”

“Have you talked to Linnea about it?” This was definitely a question for an editor, and considering how little Isak knew about football he didn’t think he’d be the best judge.

Marius grimaced. “No. I’m not sure how she’d respond to that kind of pitch, and I don’t want her to think I’m silly for suggesting it.”

“But it’s a pitch, that’s what is supposed to happen most of the time. What’s your hook?”

Marius looked at the door, checking his surroundings, as if he were going to share a secret. “I don’t know if it’s actually a hook. But the goalie is gay.”

Isak’s throat closed up and a sweat prickled up under the collar of his shirt. He tried to swallow and stay calm. “How—. Is—. D-do you know he’s gay? Did he tell you?”

“No, but sometimes I hear a name when they’re talking to their teammates, and it seems like his partner. He doesn’t have anything public, like on social media, and when you search for him google still suggests 'Andreas Fiskerstrand girlfriend.' I don’t know whether I should ask him, if that’s like, rude or something. Or if I should just ignore it. Like, is it worse if I ignore it?”

“Wh—, why are you asking me?”

Marius gave Isak a questioning look. “Because you’re really good at asking people the right questions to get a story. In general I always know my hook: the game. But you…you create your stories. So I’m asking if this is one.”

“If he’s gay.”

“Sort of, yeah. I don’t think I could write five hundred words on just a confirmation. But maybe if it’s some sort of bigger story? If he actually is, of course.” Marius paused to think of what he wanted to say. Isak could feel actual beads of sweat rolling down his back. “Don’t you remember way back when we were first starting, you were doing all of those human rights stories, and that feature on pride month?” Isak gave a small nod. He was surprised Marius remembered that. “Well, there was this thing you had told me. I can’t remember if it made it into the story, but you pointed out what kind of sectors spoke up about it. What kind of businesses, what kind of groups. Because it definitely isn’t a general thing, across the board. Sports especially don’t have much of a voice in that representation. And on the one hand I kind of understand that, like, your sexuality doesn’t have anything to do with how well you kick a ball. But I do know, from all of those locker room talks, as well as just from interacting with fans, that it’s not a very welcoming environment for uh, for presenting yourself. For including your sexuality. So, _if_ Andreas is gay, is he hiding that part of him from his team or his fans because revealing it can potentially damage his career? Or is he not actually hiding anything and I’m just obsessing over it and bringing it up would be me like…focusing on the wrong thing. Ignoring him as an athlete, as a person, and just shouting ‘Gay!’ at him?”

It was a lot for Isak to take in. He had to rearrange his face to make it look like he was calmly considering Marius’s concerns and not freaking out about what felt like sirens going off in his head. Isak had to simultaneously tell himself Marius wasn’t obsessing about him and actually answer the questions he was posing. Eventually all he could stumble out was an “I don’t know.”

Marius gave a weak laugh. “Yeah, well, it’s a lot. I wasn’t expecting you to have all the answers on the spot. It’s just…that’s what I’m struggling with, so I wanted to get some opinions before I present my uh, theory? To Linnea.”

A sharp fear bubbled up Isak’s spine. “I wouldn’t talk to anyone about it,” he blurted.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t…don’t tell other people he’s gay, until you know for sure. Until he tells you.”

Marius’s face fell a bit. “Oh. Yeah. Right. Even said something similar.”

“You talked to Even about this? What’d he say?” The fear was still there, but as usual, whenever Even was involved, it was now mixed with particular interest.

“He said that’s not my story to tell.”

Isak swallowed the lump in his throat. “Y-yeah. Probably.”

“And I get that. I’m not trying to out him or anything. I just want to make sure _he_’s able to tell his story. I want to offer my platform, but I don’t know how to offer it without…without possibly making it worse.”

Again, all Isak could offer was: “I don’t know.”

They sat in silence together for a few moments. Marius needed to think, and Isak needed to slow his heart rate.

“Well…we have like a month until the quarters. I have some time. Maybe if I hang out with the guys some more it’ll come up naturally. Or I’ll just have a semi-decent segue.”

“They might never…they might never want to talk about it.”

“Yeah, I get that. It would just be…cool? The more I think about it, the more it feels like a good story. And how many football players do you know that are out? Actually I shouldn’t ask you that. But in general, it’s not a thing, and most people assume they’re straight, because it’s sports. I just…sometimes I think that can be pretty harmful, and if it doesn’t hurt anyone by writing about it, then maybe it could actually be helpful. I don’t want to turn it into like, a gossipy celebrity kind of thing. These guys are athletes first and foremost. But they’re also humans. I think if they want to be seen like that, then I want to give them the freedom to do it.”

Isak listened to Marius work through his ideas, while he built up his own argument for a personal interest story. He didn’t know how to guide him, since most of his work focused on digging up the stories that people _don't_ want to be known, even if they're of public interest, and this was different. Someone’s sexuality shouldn’t be touched if they don’t want it to be. But Isak had to admit, under Marius’s ideal circumstances, writing about it could be helpful. In the very least it would be interesting. Isak was curious about this one player, and was itching to look him up.

“I’m gonna…I’m gonna wait, though.” Marius confirmed, nodding hard at the wall in front of him. “Yeah. I’ll just feel it out some more, before going to Linnea.”

“What was the player’s name again?”

“Andreas Fiskerstrand. For Ålesund.”

“Okay.”

“I’m going to dig through the rest of the teams and see what kind of reporting is being done on their personal lives. Obviously my guys aren’t as famous but if I can figure out some sort of threshold, then maybe it wouldn’t be too far off base to just…ask.”

“More research is usually a good thing.”

“Yeah.” A few more beats of silence. Then Marius slapped his hands onto his knees and pushed himself standing. “Okay. Well, thanks for listening.”

“Let me know if anything interesting comes up. I know I’m not much help, but I’d like to see how you work through this.”

“Sure.” Marius offered his hand for their relaxed slapping grip of a closer. Isak hung back in the phone room after he left, to give himself the space and quiet to think.

* * *

Isak called Shithead again that night. “If this is going to become a thing, I humbly request we move it to a slightly more decent hour.”

“No.”

With pleasantries out of the way, they both wriggled around in their beds until they got comfortable.

“So what is it now? More messages?”

“No. Or actually, I haven’t checked. But this is about Marius. He wanted to talk after my meeting.”

“Did you?”

“Yes.”

“Isak, don’t be a bitch and make me drag it out of you. What’s wrong?”

“He wants to figure out if one of the football players he is shadowing is gay.”

“Andreas.”

“Yes.” Even knew, of course, because Marius had talked to him about it. After Isak went back to his desk he’d done some cursory searches for the guy. He didn’t know what he was looking for, so he didn’t go very deep, but he stared at his Instagram for a while. He was very fit, and looked happy in most of his photos. There weren’t any partners, only family and teammates included. “Do you think he is?”

“I don’t know the guy.”

“Well yeah but—“

“Don’t ask me to guess, Isak.”

“I just meant like…if you noticed any clues or anything.”

“First of all I don’t really pay attention to football, second of all I don’t really pay attention to goalies, and third of all I’ve never seen the dude kiss another dude or suck a dick, so I don’t think any _clues_ exist. This is also why Marius is having so much trouble, because he doesn’t have any clues either.” Even kept spitting out the word “clues” like it was a sour pill he didn’t want to swallow. “And if the only reason you called me at fuck-off o’clock is to speculate about a stranger’s sexuality I’m going to need you to hang up.”

“Evennnnn,” Isak whined.

“Isak, it truly, one hundred percent, has nothing to do with you. It’s certainly a good thing if you can convince Marius to not pursue the story for the sake of his own curiosity, but it’s not like Marius is trying to find out if _you_ are gay.”

“What if he does?”

He heard Even’s breathing hitch. “Well…if he does, I think there are a lot of other ifs you have to answer for yourself first. But as for Marius, I’ll ease your mind and tell you that he has absolutely no idea. He’s still quite confused as to why you haven’t, and I quote, _been smashing steady pussy_, since the break-up. _He_ doesn’t think you’re gay, he just thinks you’re sad. And he’s been showing incredible restraint in not trying to set you up with some of his um, easier past acquaintances.”

“How do you know all of this?”

“Because we talk, dumbass. Not these midnight heart-to-hearts, but we’re friends, Isak. We’re all friends.”

Isak could tell Even was rolling his eyes.

“Anyway, Marius will probably be the last person on earth to figure out that you like men, and even when he does, I don’t think that will change anything. He’ll just try to cheer you up by making sure you fuck a guy instead.”

“You don’t know that,” Isak whispered. “You don’t know that nothing will change.”

Even’s voice softened to match Isak’s. “You’re right, I don’t _know_. I can’t guarantee it. But if they’re your friends, which they are, then usually nothing changes. They admire you and trust you and enjoy you and are proud of you and love you, and none of that changes when you are attracted to someone new.” He let Isak absorb it. “If something changes, then they weren’t your friend in the first place, and your life will be better off without them in it. It’ll hurt a little bit, but then you’ll know.”

It sounded vague, but Isak understood. He knew what he was afraid of, and by now he knew that Even knew. So, he let Even talk him down. His voice was still quiet when he spoke up again. “Back in high school, before I met Emma, I kissed someone. A boy. He was my friend. Jonas was my friend. But then I kissed him and he…he didn’t like it. He pushed me away and then he never talked to me again. We were so close growing up, and I—I loved him. He was my best friend, so I kissed him, and then everything changed.”

“Oh, Isak.”

Isak could hear that it wasn’t pity, just sadness in Even’s voice, and that freedom let a couple of tears trail down his cheeks. “I just don’t want anything to change.” His wish crawled out of his tight throat with an unknown strength.

“I truly don’t believe they will with Marius. Or any of us.” Even took a deep breath. “Are you…interested in Marius? Do you want to kiss him?”

“No! No. He’s just a very good friend, and I don’t want to lose him.”

“Okay. Well, I don’t know the whole story, and I don’t know Jonas, but I wonder if he stopped talking to you more because of the kiss than because of you. He certainly could be a shitty human being, cutting you out of his life because of your sexuality, but maybe it was because that sexuality was paired with an advance that he wasn’t interested in. And…when you’re young, things like that can be confusing. I know I’m not the same as you, but I struggled a bit when I figured out that I was attracted to more than just women. And some people didn’t respond to it as well as they could have. And if I ever introduced that discovery in terms of the other person—like if I made my pansexuality about the attraction between the both of us versus just my potential attraction toward other people—then it was all…muddled. I don’t know if a rejection was about my sexuality or about my idea of a relationship with that particular person. Does that make sense?”

Isak nodded before he remembered he was on the phone. “Yes.”

“And I’m not saying any of this to try to fix whatever happened with Jonas, or rewrite your history, but just…to look toward your future with a little clarity. You can be who you want to be and not lose friends. Hell, you can also do gay shit with a friend and not lose them! You sucked my dick and I’m still answering your phone calls like a fool.”

Even sounded exasperated again, and it made Isak laugh. “You’re not my friend.”

“Fuck off, of course I am.”

Isak couldn’t respond in any other way besides smiling down into his chest.

“But….” Even sobered. “To go back to the whole ‘telling if a person is gay’ thing. Marius won’t know until you tell him. I didn’t know until you kissed me back. Whatever ‘clues’ I was picking up were actually just…my hopes and dreams running wild. If you want it to be a secret, it can be a secret, because you were quite convincingly in love with Emma and you’re surrounded by people who care deeply about your safety and happiness.”

“Okay.” He believed Even. He believed his friends. He was still scared, but Even’s voice in his ear was giving him another night of comfort.

“We can watch how Marius’s story unfolds. We can see how he reacts to someone else’s sexuality, and maybe that will help you understand how he might look at you. Or the boys! You see how they are. A little bit weird and aggressively heteronormative, but they’re still good friends to me, and they know that I enjoy a nice dick on occasion.”

“Mmhmm.”

“And you…maybe you should try dating. Or just hooking up. Finding someone who knows what you’re interested in and won’t reject you for that.”

Isak snorted. “Yeah, they’ll just reject me for other things.”

“Isak. Come on. You already have all of those offers in your DMs and you haven’t even given Tinder a second glance. You could get a guy _so_ easily. Or a girl, if you wanted to try that again.”

“I don’t think I want to.”

“Great, okay, well that narrows it down. I personally would focus on Tinder or Grindr instead of the DMs, because those places could be a little more…anonymous? Than the people who knew you through Emma. Or, maybe not exactly anonymous, but the purpose is pretty well-defined. People know you’re looking for a hook-up, instead of dealing with fans who might have different intentions. If you’re focused on like, keeping things as normal as possible, under control, then it helps to go somewhere where people know exactly what you want.”

“Grindr.”

“Yup.”

“I’ll find a, uh, a guy there.”

“Yeah. You could talk to them for a little bit, or go on a date, or go straight to the sex. The nice thing is that you know, right off the bat, they’re interested in your penis.”

“Yuuughk. The way you said that makes it sound gross.”

“Well it’s true, and also that’s what you get for saying I looked like the Chief when I was waiting for a blowjob.”

Isak groaned and rolled over under his covers, partly at Even’s point but mostly because now he was picturing Even naked in his bedroom. Whatever conversation they would continue to have that evening would be clouded by that visual, so isak decided to end things for both of their benefit. “I’m hanging up.”

“Finally!”

“Fuck you.”

“Good night, Isak.”

* * *

The next day things returned to normal. Isak wasn’t surprised by any meetings, and everyone wrapped up their work around the same time. They went to Nine’s together as a complete group. They slid into their booth with ease and Thomas had their drinks ready shortly after. It almost felt like everything that had happened over the last few months actually didn’t, aside from the fifth person at the table. It was nice…until Kari Anne made an announcement.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you guys. I won’t be able to go to the cabin next weekend.”

“What?!” everyone yelled simultaneously, with Marius’s shriek being the loudest.

“Why? No! Whyyy? What?” Marius’s arms were flinging about as well, hitting Maja and Even in the process.

“You’ve never skipped a weekend with us!”

“I know, but I have to do this thing with my family. My sister is coming home and she wants it to be a surprise, so she didn’t tell anyone, except now she needs help coordinating it, and I need to like, run interference. It’s annoying, but it’s also the first time I’ll have seen her in a year, so I think it’s kind of important.”

“Ugh, I can’t believe you’re abandoning me. Now I’ll be stuck with a bunch of stinky boys.”

“I’m sorry, baby.” Kari Anne reached across the table to grasp Maja’s hand. “You can always call me though. I’ll happily yell at whomever you need me to yell at so they stay in line.”

“We’re not stinky. And Ida will be there, you can hang out with her.”

Maja shot Marius a sour look. “We all know why Ida is there and it certainly is not to babysit me. I hope she manages to keep _you_ out of trouble though.”

Even and Kari Anne shared a giggle at how unlikely that would be.

Isak laughed along, but noticed how quickly the whole feel of the weekend already felt off with Kari Anne’s planned absence. Ida wasn’t a staple yet, so her presence did’t shift much, but Kari Anne had always been at the cabin. He couldn’t even picture it, what the beach would look like without her lounging form or the effortless way she held court even when they were just hungover on the couch. It was definitely going to be weird.

It became even weirder when, twenty minutes and two whole conversation topics later, Even shot his hand up in the air and curled his lip in an almost sinister smile. “Dibs on Kari Anne’s bed.”


	26. Key

The next morning Isak was woken up by the smell of warm cinnamon. He panicked for a second, flailing around his bed for his phone to check the time; was he late? It was almost ten o’clock, but blessedly it was also Saturday. Isak and his hangover were safe. Oh, but the cinnamon. He threw off his blanket and went to investigate.

There was a mess of men in the kitchen. The amount of flour in the air was confusing, but the hurried movements of Mutta, Even, and Elias were somehow not. Isak watched from the entrance while they yelled conflicting orders at each other and generally hovered over a large pan sitting on the stove.

“The cinnamon part is going to burn. We have to transfer it to the pan and then cook it all together.” Even pointed at the half-full pan in front of them. 

“Wait, how much sugar do I need?” Elias held a spatula over a bowl, letting a white glaze drip down from it. Even’s head whipped around.

“Much more. It needs to like, not drip.”

“But then the brownie isn’t going to be cooked all the way through!” Mutta’s curls had clearly been pulled out in frustration.

“I’m going by the timing instructions from the blog lady’s recipe!”

If this went on any further, Isak would’ve been woken up by screeching. He decided to step in. “What’s going on, boys?”

Even’s eyes, when they landed on Isak, felt sharp. “Nuh-uh. You’re not getting involved in this until you get dressed.”

Isak looked down at his boxers. “It’s Saturday morning and you just woke me up. Also, I’ll wear whatever I want in my apartment.” He and Elias had seen each other in their underwear at this point, between crossed paths toward the bathroom and lazier Sundays. Even turned to Elias again, silently asking him to overrule. Elias just shrugged.

“Fine, whatever, but if you get burned it is completely your own fault.”

Mutta walked over to Isak, presenting his phone, which had someone’s blog post pulled up. “We’re trying to make a breakfast pizza but it’s actually really complicated.”

“Isn’t a breakfast pizza just…cold pizza?”

Mutta scoffed. “If you’re an amateur, sure. But this one is cinnamon bun, brownie, and chocolate chip cookie baked together in a pie. Then you drizzle icing across the top. She added nuts for toppings but we haven’t gotten to that stage yet because we can’t figure out how to cook it.” He let Isak take the phone to read it.

“She just keeps talking about taking her kids sailing.”

“Yeah, you have to scroll through like, a story, in order to get the recipe details.”

Isak picked up the cooking times between one of her kid’s struggle to put on a life jacket correctly and the other’s close call with a boom. “Okay, so the brownies get cooked first for fifteen minutes, then you swap them out for the cookies and the cinnamon buns for ten minutes. Then you arrange the brownies and cinnamon rolls together on the pan for another five minutes. Then add the cookies…uh, just ‘to brown.’ So what stage are you at?” Isak stepped over to the stove to look. The cookies and the brownies were already arranged on the pizza pan. Isak reached down to the oven to check on the cinnamon buns. A blast of steam hit Isak’s face.

“Fuck!” shouted Even. Isak had to stumble back while he covered his eyes. He heard clattering, and when he could see again, Even was in oven mitts trying to save some _very_ brown buns. Elias, who had been testing the icing’s drip over the bowl, moved to the oven too fast and was now dripping sugar onto a hot oven door. It crackled as it burned. Mutta snatched the spatula away and chucked it into the sink. Chaos. Another verse of “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck,” floated out over the various pizza doughs scattered on their stovetop. Then, everyone was quiet while they all observed the situation.

“I think…at this point, you guys should abandon the concept of the pizza. I’m impressed by the attempt but it’s making things a lot more complicated than they need to be.” Isak put Mutta’s phone gently down on the counter, away from any mess. Even truly looked disappointed, frowning at the brownies. “Put the brownies back in their own pan so they can finish cooking. The cookies and buns are done. I think Elias went too far with the powdered sugar so…just ice the buns as they are, layer the cookies on top of them, ice those, and when the brownies are done put them on top. Breakfast…layer cake.”

All three of their flour-dusted faces stared silently at Isak. Finally Elias spoke up. “We probably should’ve done that in the first place.” 

“But breakfast cake isn’t as cool as breakfast pizza.” Even whined as he took off the oven mitts and tossed them on top of the attempt at a pizza.

“We’re literally coating it in sugar and shoving it into our mouths. It’s not going to make a difference.” Elias picked up the mitts and started working on Isak’s solution: separating the brownie to go back into the oven, which was still spitting out heat. The sugar had burnt itself into a black stain. “And technically you’ll still be making Isak breakfast, so calm down.”

Even turned on his heel and stormed to the bathroom. Mutta made himself busy trying to find a clean spatula for the brownies. Isak just stood there, processing what he’d just heard. “He…wanted to make me breakfast?”

Elias rolled his eyes and hissed when his shin came in contact with the oven door. “Every morning for the rest of your lives,” he muttered. They transferred the brownies and slid them into the oven. “But don’t tell him I told you that. And…you probably should get dressed.” Elias sighed with the slam of the oven door.

Isak was very interested in exploring what Elias meant, but not interested in doing it so publicly. So he spun on his heel as well and went to get some clothes.

* * *

The guys took turns cleaning up in the bathroom, then cleared their mess in the kitchen while Even iced each layer. They all took their tooth-achingly sweet slices to the couch to eat in front of the TV. Isak asked after the rest of the group, but Elias reported that Mikael was going to skip the breakfast show and Yousef had wife things to do.

“Has a lot changed since he got married?”

“Not a whole lot. Well, besides from him sleeping down the hall. He’s always been so in love with her that he would drop us at any moment for a chance to hang out with her.”

“We’re used to the rejection,” Even smirked. “Mikael might come over for dinner though.”

“Please tell me it’s not going to be another creative pizza.” Isak wasn’t in the mood for another clean-up session.

“Don’t worry, I’m just going to bring a shit-ton of McDonald’s back after my appointment.”

Isak was slowly getting a better understanding of how the guys spent their weekend: they turned Elias’s apartment into their home base on Saturday, coming over to wake him up, eat with him, settle into his couch or around his computer, help him with chores, and then come and go as they needed. There was a spare key that floated among them, but usually ended up being in Even’s possession. “He’s the one who is here regularly, so it makes sense.” Mikael was the least reliable of the bunch, but none of them seemed to mind that much. “He does his own thing.” Mutta added to his commentary with a shrug.

Isak himself went out to run errands and check on a few graffiti spots. He had been trying to arrange an interview for that afternoon, but it fell apart over email while he was enjoying his layer cake. Still, he found ways to entertain himself away from the apartment, only returning when he knew Even would be back. It made his trip home a little more exciting.

“Guess what I did while I was waiting for our order?” Mutta, Mikael, Elias, Even, and Isak were standing at the counter, sorting their meal and claiming sauce packets.

“I dunno…tweet something stupid?” Elias plucked a french fry and chucked it at Even. Even caught it and ate it.

“Nope. I picked the movie we’re going to watch. Someone told me that we’ve been seriously missing out on our romantic comedy education, so I figured out what we should watch next.”

“Elias!” It was Isak’s turn to chuck a French fry.

“What, like it’s a secret? We always end up watching one when we have dinner. It’s like a tradition at this point. And these dudes don’t know what I’m talking about when I want to discuss it with them afterward.”

“Fuck.” Isak’s cheeks were heating up from the exposure. Elias had a point: his preference for rom-coms wasn’t exactly a secret. It just sounded embarrassing when other people talked about it.

“I was going to go for _10 Things I Hate About You_, but Elias said you’d already watched it.” Something about the way Even was taking it seriously though, like he usually seemed to do, let the flames of shame subside. Whenever Isak expected mocking from him he just got encouragement or reassurance. A month ago it would’ve been frustrating, but now Isak allowed it.

“Yeah, well…I watch them multiple times, but that one we’d done pretty recently.”

“That’s fine, I found another one. “ Even set his food aside to do a drum roll on the edge of the counter. After building up way too much suspense, Even announced: “_Pretty Woman_!”

Without hesitation Mutta put on his best Roy Orbison accent and started singing. “Pretty woman, walking down the street….” Mikael rolled his eyes and carried his food to the couch.

Isak was pleased with the choice. He hadn’t seen Pretty Woman in a while, but it was a classic. And he thought it was rather sexy, enough to appeal to the guys to get them through to the credits. Elias had been more engaged with the movies than he’d expected thus far, so maybe his friends would be of a similar mindset. They gathered their dinners and claimed their seats, with Even taking a spot on the floor and extending his legs under the coffee table.

Even had seen _Pretty Woman_ before, so he was the one who paused it whenever any of the other guys had a question, and answered them. This let Isak sit back and enjoy his hamburgers and the movie just for himself. Mutta was a very engaged viewer, and Mikael not so much, but he was on the other end of the couch so Isak barely noticed him. Elias was paying careful attention just like he always did. He thought Kit was funny.

At some point Even shifted closer to the couch so he could lean against Isak’s legs. Isak didn’t mind. He’d seen how they guys tended to drape themselves across each other when they were hanging out, so this position was common among them and Isak didn’t have a good reason to push Even away. Besides, he liked the weight there. His mind drifted for a moment, while he counted how many days it had been since he’d touched Even. He didn’t realize he’d missed it like that, even something casual like a spine resting against a shin. Then he thought about buying some oversized pillows that they could toss on the ground for seating. Or something that Even could lean his head against, at least. Eventually though, Even slouched down far enough to support his head on Isak’s knees.

Mutta and Mikael left after Richard Gere rolled up in his limo. Even hung around and he talked about the movie with Elias a bit more. They also looked up Julia Roberts and Richard Gere to see how they’d aged. Then they heated up breakfast cake leftovers for dessert, adding scoops of ice cream instead of glaze. Back on the couch, Even sat next to Isak and Elias returned to his chair. He hadn’t noticed until just then, but Isak realized that that was Elias’s chair, his throne. Isak had certainly never sat in it, and whenever the guys were here, they squished themselves onto the couch in order to keep the big armchair free for Elias. It was an unspoken rule that they’d all been following. Elias, from his throne, then announced that they should watch _Runaway Bride_ next.

“It’s the same actors.”

“A sequel?”

“No,” Isak jumped in. “Totally different story. But they obviously had great chemistry. Same director too.”

“I’m down.” Even immediately started searching for it on the TV.

Isak checked the time. He was getting sleepy from the heavy dinner & dessert combination, feeling its weight in his belly. But he also wanted to hang out more with Even and Elias, especially if they were participating in one of his favorite activities. It felt like a welcoming environment that Isak knew would be silly to leave. He decided to rally. After all, he’d only seen _Runaway Bride_ once, and he wasn’t sure if he remembered how it ended. He knew they were in love of course, happily ever after, but he couldn’t recall how he got her to stop running. So he went to the kitchen for a beer and committed to another two hours.

* * *

He heard voices. He didn’t open his eyes, but he tried to figure out who was talking. There was Even, and…Elias. His roommate, right. He was in his apartment. He was comfortable. Maybe he didn’t have to open his eyes.

But then his body registered that he was comfortable because he was leaning against another body. Isak shot up as every muscle tensed.

“Whoa,” Even softly exclaimed. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

Isak had fallen asleep on Even. He looked at the TV and saw it was paused on the movie credits. He shifted away from Even, scared that somehow, despite being awake now, it would happen again. He looked at Elias, to see if he was suspicious of anything, but Elias just stared blankly back at him. He looked at Even. Another blank stare. Isak tried to cover for himself. “Did…uh, did they get married?”

Even laughed, bursting whatever bubble had formed with the awkward stares. “No, she ran away again.”

A healthy “fuck you,” restored the room to a relaxed mood.

“You haven’t seen this one before?”

“I have, but…I don’t remember how it ended.”

“Not quite a vote of confidence for the storytelling. But yes, they got married. She was on a horse. It was beautiful.”

“Just like that?” Even though he’d fallen asleep, he still wanted to know what he’d missed, what he’d been missing. Even took him seriously.

“Well they broke up for a little bit. She ran away from him once. But then she figured out why she was running away. Took her some time. There were eggs. And when she was ready she went to New York and proposed. We can watch it again if you want.”

“Hard pass,” Elias answered. “It was fun but that was…a lot of Richard Gere for one evening.” He pushed himself to his feet and started clearing their dessert plates from the coffee table. Even turned to look at Isak for his answer.

“Um, no, thanks. I get it.”

“Okay. Well. You need to go to bed. I need to go to bed.” Even shoved Isak’s shoulder, and Isak was so unprepared for it that he toppled in the opposite direction. But then he didn’t really resist, letting himself slump down into the couch. Even stood up. “If you sleep here, just…be careful.”

“What do you mean?” Isak didn’t lift his head, but he strained his eyes trying to get a look at Even.

“I mean every single one of us has fallen asleep on this couch at some point and every single one of us has woken up with a permanent marker mustache.” Even reached down and gave a rough tousle to Isak’s hair. “I wouldn’t dare, of course, but I do not speak for your roommate.”

Isak had lost track of Elias so he sat up to find him. Even went to the door and put on his shoes. Elias wasn’t in the kitchen, so he must’ve already finished cleaning up and gone to his room. Isak twisted around to look at Even.

He had a small smile on his face. It almost looked sad. “Night, Isak. See you at work.”

Isak gave him a half-hearted wave, fighting the urge to offer Even something else to get him to stay. He tried to think of any other Julia Roberts movies, but none came to mind even as the door was closing behind him.

* * *

On Sunday Isak went out and bought two oversized pillows. On Sunday night, Shithead called. Isak stared at his phone screen, not believing what he was seeing for a second. But he accepted the call right before it automatically ended. “What is this?”

“A phone call, you idiot.”

“What’s going on?” Isak was walking around his room, cleaning up a bit and getting stuff sorted for the workday tomorrow. Even with the noise he was making, he could still hear Even shrugging through the phone.

“I just wanted to talk. Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?”

“Um…well, I’ve been having a combination social-media-and-sexuality crisis, for which I’ve needed your advice. If you’re having the same thing, I don’t think I can help you.” He held the phone to his ear in one hand and picked out a blue gingham shirt with the other. He checked it for wrinkles.

“Hmm. I’ve had those before, but I just went to my therapist instead.”

Isak dropped the shirt. “You have a therapist?”

“Technically she’s a psychiatrist, but I won’t split hairs.”

“Why do you have a psychiatrist?” The shirt stayed on the ground. Isak went to his desk chair, wanting to focus completely on this conversation. Even was quiet while Isak braced himself for an answer.

“Because I have bipolar disorder.”

Isak stared at the wall and repeated that to himself. Even has bipolar disorder. Even has bipolar disorder. He didn’t know exactly what it was, so as soon as he wrapped his head around the sentence, he turned to his laptop to get more answers. “Is this off the record?”

“What?” It almost sounded like Even laughed when he asked it.

“I mean, a secret. Is this a secret?”

“No. Well…I don’t tell everyone. It’s a need-to-know kind of thing. The guys know. Kari Anne knows. And—are you typing?”

“I’m looking up bipolar disorder.” He cradled the phone with his shoulder so he could search quickly. Even was quiet again. This let Isak read some of the results, so he skimmed the basics.

“I’ll let you do your research but just…uh…if you have a question, you should probably ask me instead of Google.” Even’s voice was calm but tight. It snapped Isak out of his scrolling.

“Oh. Sorry. Um. So. You go to a therapist.”

“Yup. Talked to her yesterday. We talk a lot about you, actually. She doesn’t know who you are, but you’re the guy I talk about.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

“No. I just tell her what I’m thinking about so we can sort through it. Work stress, friends, what my moods have been like.”

“How…how have you been feeling?”

Even let out a real laugh this time. “You’re not my therapist Isak. You should get your own though.”

“I don’t need a therapist.”

“Everyone needs a therapist.”

“How long have you been going to her?”

“Since high school.”

“Is that when you…you got bipolar?”

“It’s when I was diagnosed. I should’ve gone to her much sooner.”

“Are you okay now?”

A small chuckle. “I’m managing it pretty well now, yes. Nothing is guaranteed of course, but I have a good system in place.”

“I’m sorry I never noticed.”

“It’s okay, Isak. I don’t really think there was any specific thing _to_ notice. I don’t advertise it. But I’m glad you know about it. It’s good to be able to talk about it with people.”

Isak didn’t want to be in his chair anymore. He wanted to be in his pajamas, curled up in bed, talking to Even in the cocoon. “Is that why you called me?”

“No.”

“Then….” He stood up and picked up his shirt. He put Even on speaker and tossed his phone on the bed so he could use both hands to hang up the shirt. He’d check it again for wrinkles in the morning. Then he searched for some pajamas.

“What are you doing?”

“Changing for bed.”

“What’d you do today?”

“Went and bought pillows for the couch. Or floor. Sort of like extra seats.”

“Oh yeah. We used to have some but I think they migrated to Elias’s bed. He likes to make a nest for when he’s listening to podcasts.”

Isak made a small noise of acknowledgement. He checked that his door was closed then changed into clean shorts and a t-shirt.

“That’ll be nice for movie nights though, so thanks.”

“I didn’t buy them for _you_,” Isak tried to sass while pulling the shirt down over his head.

“Okay, fine, but I’m still going to use them. They’ll probably be more comfortable than your knees.”

“Shut up. I have to go brush my teeth. Did you have something actually interesting you wanted to talk about or can I hang up on you?” He switched Even off of speakerphone when he had his hands free. He carried him to the bathroom.

“Oh! I had a question, yes. Why do you watch so many romantic comedies?”

“What kind of question is that? Because I like them, you dumbass.” Elias’s door was closed, so Isak didn’t bother to lower his voice. He shut the bathroom door and put Even back on speaker.

“Do you ever watch other kinds of movies? Action, thrillers, documentaries?”

Isak shrugged in the mirror. “Not really. Emma always liked to watch them so it was a nice thing to do together.”

“You’re not with Emma anymore though. You could watch something else.”

“Did Elias put you up to this? Does he want to watch different movies?”

“No. He likes them too. Said he’s learning a lot, and finally getting some references he never knew the origins of.”

“See? They’re interesting and educational.”

“It’s just so surprising to me. You seem like…I don’t know. Like you always want to be this tough guy but then you go home and watch love stories every night.”

“It’s not every night.” Isak was trying to brush his teeth at this point, so his voice was muffled by bristles and toothpaste foam. Even could still understand him though, and spoke over the running water.

“It’s certainly more than average.”

“Okay, well.” Isak spit. “I don’t know. It’s just nice to watch other people fall in love.”

Even laughed. “You should try it for yourself some time.”

“I don’t—“ Isak stopped as soon as he realized what he was going to say. He rinsed his toothbrush and dropped it into his cup.

“You don’t what?”

“Hold on.” He took Even off of speaker and walked him back to his room. He shut his door.

“You don’t…” Even tried again.

“I don’t think…I don’t think I know how. Maybe that’s why I like watching them.” Isak sat down on his bed, his shoulders slumped. He stared at his feet. “I’m doing research.”

“That…actually sounds really cute, Isak.” Even’s voice was soft, which was surprising. Isak had expected to be laughed at again.

“It’s not working.”

“Were…you expecting to fall in love with a hooker?”

There it was. And as teasing as his voice was, it was still somehow a comfort. Isak fell back into his bed with it. “No, just…I don’t know. What are you supposed to say to a girl to make her fall in love with you? What do you do to sweep her off her feet? I tried to see what the steps were and…I’m not stupid or anything. I didn’t do them exactly like that, but the gestures. The effort. Some of the words. You tell someone you love them and they love you back. But I don’t think it happened. I was watching the movies to learn from them, but…they’re all just fantasies. They don’t _really_ work. And now I guess I still watch them because I still want those fantasies. I want to fit into those stories where you find the one person who gets you. Who excites you. Who suddenly shows up and is everything you ever wanted.” Even was quiet, so Isak took that as permission to fill the silence. “I thought I had that with Emma. I thought I loved her, and that I was doing the right things. I knew what I _didn't_ want, so I tried to do the opposite. I was faithful to her. I supported her. But I don’t think that was enough.”

“It wasn’t enough for her.”

“That’s what I just said.”

“I know, but Isak…you’re enough for someone else. You just need to find someone who can see that.”

Isak let out a small huff of exasperation. He stood up to turn off the lights in his room.

“What?”

“Why…why do you always know the right thing to say.” It wasn’t a question. Isak was trying to accuse Even of being his perfect dumb self. He went back to bed and burrowed.

“Because I cheat. I’m stealing the answers from my therapist.”

Isak didn’t want to laugh, but he did. He rolled into his pillow to muffle it.

“So, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with watching movies, though you might want to find inspiration in something a little more current? I’m not saying you _won't_ find someone amazing out on the street corner, but a slightly more modern story might help. And then you should find someone on Tinder or Instagram and see if they want to watch the movie with you! Boom: date.”

“Ugh. That already sounds like so much effort.”

“What, talking to people?”

“Yeah.”

“Dude. That’s the bare minimum. I think you might actually have been brainwashed by those movies.”

“Is that what you do? You talk to people?”

“Not lately, but yeah. Everyone does. And it happens on social media in general too, not just dating apps. You could fall in love on Twitter or TikTok or Instagram—“

“You just really want me to start using Twitter again.”

“Ah yes, you figured out my true motive. I don’t want you to be happy, I just want you to publicly embarrass yourself again.”

“Knew it.”

They talked for another hour, moving past Isak’s dating hang-ups. He asked a few more questions about Even’s bipolar disorder, and the answers came with a lot of pauses, both of them being very careful about what they were saying. Isak had such a strong urge to learn everything he could, do a deep dive on what had been up until now an invisible force in Even’s life, but he knew he had to treat it like an interview instead of independent research. He was learning about a person, not a case study. Though he _was_ going to email Marthe tomorrow to ask about the latest studies being done.

Even’s mental health segued into learning about his parents (“They sound cute.”) and then about their cabin in Ålesund (“Show me pictures tomorrow.”) and then the trip that he and Marius are going to take for the quarterfinals. 

“We haven’t actually planned anything yet but I requested days off for it.”

“You’re going for two weeks?”

“No, just Tuesday to the weekend. The game is on Thursday night. And I haven’t figured out if I want to drive or fly."

“How far is it?”

“It’s a seven-hour drive, but that’s a long seven hours when you’re alone.”

“I didn’t realize you were that into football to make that kind of trip.”

“I’m not, really. Probably about as interested in it as you are. But it’s a good excuse to go to the cabin without my parents, and it’ll be fun hanging out with Marius.”

“He’ll be working.”

“Post-work beers, then. I’ll take him to the good bars.”

It sounded nice, the way weekends at Maja’s sounded nice: a break of the pace. He remembered Marius had vaguely invited him to join them, and Isak wondered if he should bring up that offer. He quickly shot it down himself, though, when he thought about his own work and what he might miss out on being so far away from the city during the week.

Even took his longer pause as a sign of Isak’s tiredness, which was true. “I’ll let you go to sleep now. Thanks for answering my call.”

“Okay. Same time tomorrow?”

Even sighed, but Isak already knew the answer. They hung up.

* * *

Monday and Tuesday passed like regular workdays, with Isak keeping his head down at his desk and then catching up with Even over the phone at night. He had emailed Marthe about his interest in bipolar disorder, and she promptly sent back a few articles for a layman’s education. Isak read them on his phone while eating lunch in the cafeteria. Then, in the privacy of his bedroom, he learned more about Even’s history directly from the source. He learned more about his parents, who, while still cute, were also wildly protective of Even and helped him a lot with his diagnosis. He learned about Even’s dating life, and how it wasn’t as adventurous as Isak assumed, because Even thought the whole process was a bit more complicated when he had to introduce his mental illness. “Sometimes it’s best just to not get into it with some people, y’know? Sometimes you can tell, so you just don’t bring it up.” Their conversations ran deep into the darkness of their bedrooms.

On Wednesday Isak went over to Even’s office at about 5:30 to ask him about dinner. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted their new tradition of burritos and a cubicle chat to keep happening, but he knew he owed Even food this time. He knocked on the doorframe to announce himself and ask for Even’s order.

“Actually, I have to go run an errand, so I’m getting ready to head out.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry if you were looking forward to it.” Even was clicking around on his screen, closing windows quickly. Isak hung around, not sure what to do with his disappointment. “Do you need to work late tonight?”

“Um, I guess not.” He had his update for the Chief ready for tomorrow, but he wouldn’t have minded spending some time doing administrative stuff just to get it off his plate.

“Okay.” Even stood and started gathering the things he needed to take home. He opened the top drawer on his desk and searched for something. Then he handed Isak a key. “Use this. Bring kebabs.” Even pushed past him to get through the door, leaving a stunned Isak staring at the unmarked piece of metal in his hand.

By the time his brain had a chance to ask “What?” Even was already gone.

* * *

Isak was pissed. He was standing in line at the kebab place a couple of blocks away from Even’s apartment and he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. He’d called Even from a phone room to ask what he’d meant, but Even never picked up, so Isak had to piece it together for himself. He had to use the key to get into Even’s apartment, and the kebabs were for dinner, but the important details were missing. It was like Even had dropped a mysterious invitation into his calendar again and Isak had no choice but to wait and find out what kind of disaster it would be. When was he supposed to show up at the apartment? What if Even wasn’t home yet? What if he was too late? What if he got the wrong kind of kebab? What if he was at the wrong kebab place, if he was supposed to go to a different one?

As he waited for his order, which was just a basic chicken combo for both of them, Isak started to worry that the key meant something else. The only reason he’d ever gone to Even’s before was for sex, and Isak didn’t know if Even had said kebabs but actually meant sex. Was he going to look like a dumbass showing up with dinner? Should he have showered instead? If it was for sex, was he too early?

For the short walk to the apartment, Isak beat himself up for even thinking about the possibility of sex. They weren’t doing that anymore. Aside from the fact that he knew he didn’t really want it, it wouldn’t be something Even would initiate, especially after what he’d said when they broke it off. By the time he got to the door, he felt slightly more confident in his boxes of kebab, but just barely. He opened the doors and climbed the stairs from memory.

“I’m starving, get in here!” Even’s voice rang out as soon as Isak opened the door into his kitchen.

“Where are you?” Isak couldn’t tell where the voice had come from.

“Computer.”

Isak headed into the jungle. The room looked different now, lit up by actual light and Even’s presence. He was at his desk, working on his computer. This time Isak noticed the couch opposite the TV, and the variety of the plants that decorated the space. Isak walked over to the desk and plopped the food down, just like Even had done with the burritos. “You didn’t tell me what you liked to eat.”

Even shrugged and started closing windows again. “Literally whatever. Can’t go wrong with a kebab.” He pushed away from his desk and stood up. “Want anything to drink?”

“Beer?”

Even went to the kitchen. Isak took the moment to collect himself, finally reassured that he had done the right thing. He also banished his stupid hope for sex for good. Even returned with the drinks, but stopped Isak from doing anything with the food. “I didn’t think this through. Let’s eat in the kitchen.” He didn’t have a table to rest their food on, but even if he did, Isak didn’t want to risk spilling anything on his rug. It looked like a bitch to clean.

They settled down at the table and easily returned to their usual hangout style, just in a different spot. Isak quickly realized the upside to the location change, because now he could speak as freely as he did when he was in bed, behind a closed door. The apartment was safe.

“I thought we could watch a movie tonight, if it doesn’t get too late.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m realizing my set-up doesn’t quite work for dinner in front of the TV when it’s more than just me. Usually I eat at my desk.”

“It’s fine. I could hang around longer. What’d you have in mind?”

Even’s face lit up again. He was proud of his selection, just like he’d been on Saturday. He didn’t bother with a drumroll this time though. “Love, Simon.”

“Eh?” Isak didn’t recognize it.

“It’s a…well maybe it’s not a romantic comedy, exactly. But it has a romance. And it’s gay.”

“Is it porn?”

Even’s face wrinkled up in such a way that would be funny if Isak weren’t distracted by what he thought Even was proposing. “What the fuck? No. It’s about a guy in high school, him coming out. What the fuck, Isak!”

Isak just shrugged while he swallowed a lump of chicken. “I don’t know, you said it was gay.”

“Do you think all movies with gay people in them are just porn?”

“Well what do you mean by ‘gay’?” Isak’s voice was climbing in pitch and volume. This was why it was good they were at Even’s apartment.

“Because it’s about how he, as a gay guy, falls in love.”

“With another guy.”

“Yeah, but they’re not sucking dicks on camera you idiot. Oh my god.”

They kept eating in silence, Even chewing with exasperation and Isak with confusion. He looked up the movie on his phone just to confirm that it wasn’t porn. When he saw the poster image, it actually sparked a memory. He’d seen the advertisements for it, and he remembered looking up the movie plot before. He must’ve blocked it out, as something not of his particular interest. Except now he was. And he was getting excited. “This looks interesting.”

“Are you looking at porn?”

“Fuck off.” Isak turned his phone around to show Even that he was looking at the movie details.

“Of course it looks interesting. That’s why I picked it.”

Isak rolled his eyes.

“I’m guessing you don’t watch a lot of gay movies then.”

“Why would I?”

Even’s face scrunched up again. “Because they’re interesting. And good. And for you, they might be _helpful_.”

“It’s just a fantasy, remember?”

“Okay, fine, but it’s no more a fantasy than a romantic movie with straight people in it. Might as well watch something slightly more applicable to your current situation.”

Isak tried to dismiss Even with a sound, and then went back to eating. He read the plot synopsis on his phone. Some of it he wasn’t so sure about, like what Simon had to deal with with his friends, but he was hopeful for the mystery about who Blue was. It also emphasized Even’s point, that people do fall in love over the internet, even if the person is right in front of you, walking down the same school hallway. Isak zoned out with the rest of his kebab, thinking back to high school and wondering if anyone else in his class had been gay. He couldn’t think of anyone easily, but he was starting to think it wasn’t because there weren’t actually any other gay people; Isak just hadn’t been paying attention.

They cleaned up their dinner and went back to the living room. Isak got comfortable on the couch, pretzeling his legs and hugging a red pillow to his chest. Even turned off the lights and queued up the movie. “If you’re still hungry or want anything to drink or whatever, help yourself to the kitchen.”

“Thanks, I’m fine.”

Even flopped down on the couch next to Isak. Then they both plunged into the average American high school dream.

The movie was fun, mostly. Isak laughed. But he also tensed up when Martin figured out Simon’s secret. That was when Even reached over, untangled Isak’s hands, and held one in his own on top of the cushion that separated them. They held hands through the drama of Simon’s coming out until they got to the fair and Simon went to the ferris wheel. Then Isak pulled his hand away so he could grab the pillow and hide his face behind it. Even laughed.

“What if he doesn’t show up?” Isak could hear the worried murmurs of the crowd and whatever nonsense Martin was pulling.

“Spoilers?”

“Yes please!”

“He’ll show up.”

Isak lowered the pillow. Blue showed up. Isak squirmed through the explanation. “It’s so awkward!”

“Shut up, they’re falling in love!”

Isak went quiet. As Simon and Bram leaned in for a kiss, the pillow came up to cover Isak’s eyes.

“Isak!” Even slapped the pillow. “This is the best part!”

Isak heard they crowd cheering. Even pulled on the pillow enough to expose Isak’s eyes, so he could watch. The boys kissed, then the friends piled into the car, they got coffee, and then they were off on an adventure together. It was lovely but it was also torture. It didn’t feel real, and somehow that hurt.

“Isak, don’t cry. It’s happy, he got a boyfriend and they’re all hanging out together.”

“I’m not going to cry.” Isak stared at the rolling credits without seeing them, forcing his eyes to not betray him. Even gripped his shoulder and gave it a little shove, as if he could gently rock Isak out of the sadness that was barely being held at bay. “I get it, he got his happily ever after.”

“He did. And there’s also a sequel, sort of, where Simon and Bram are living in New York City and they’re so happy and they have even more friends and there’s another gay guy from their school who they sort of take under their wing. Wings. Whatever.”

“That’s nice...for them....”

Even was quiet. Isak could feel his eyes on him. “Why didn’t you like it?”

He was about to brush him off, insist that he did like it, just that something else was bothering him. But he couldn’t think of an easier lie than the truth. “I’m just not used to it, that’s all. It was weird.”

Even was quiet again, which drew Isak’s eyes off of the TV. He was staring, but there was a smirk. “If this is how you react to boys kissing, I cannot _wait_ to see how you handle gay porn.”

Isak whipped his pillow shield at Even’s head so successfully that he heard the thunk when he hit the back of the couch.

“Fucker!”

He was up on his feet before Even could recover walking toward the plants to get out of range of whatever Even was going to retaliate with. The imminent battle with Even lifted his mood considerably, as he was distracted from gay boys in love by the need to find a hiding spot. Isak busted out a laugh when the first place he thought of was Even’s closet. Then he remembered he’d thought of that before, during another chase through Even’s apartment, one that had been significantly more naked. He stopped laughing and cleared his throat.

Even stood up. “What?”

“Um. Nothing. I should just go home now.”

“Oh. Okay. Yeah, I guess it’s getting late.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Um. Bye.” 

“Wait, I’ll walk you out.”

Isak spun around and headed to the kitchen, trying to escape the memory of being in that same room but naked. Even followed him, making sure he never would. The plants whispered as they passed.

At the bottom of the stairs Isak put on his shoes, the sneakers he’d changed into after work before picking up dinner. Even leaned against the wall, watching him. “Thanks for the movie.” Isak patted his pockets in the automatic door check for his wallet, phone, and keys. “Oh, wait. Your key.” He pulled out the one key separated from his own ring.

“No, that’s yours.”

Isak froze, then stared at Even. “What do you mean?”

“I have a key to your apartment, you should have one to mine.” He shrugged as much as a guy leaning against a wall could shrug. “And now you can come over and watch gay stuff if you want.”

“Really?” Isak squeaked. He was stunned. The gesture was grand on multiple levels, granting access for Isak to Even’s life and also granting access for Isak to his own secret life. The one he’d just tried to run away from.

“Yeah. Also, as much as I love our late night phone calls, it might just be easier to talk in person. So…keep the key. Use it when you need it.”

Isak’s mouth had popped open and stayed there. At least one part of his brain was working though, because his hand slowly returned the key to his pocket.

“Oh, and if you come over, you’d better bring food.” Even pushed himself off of the wall and gave Isak’s shoulder another small shove. “Now go home. I’m tired.”

“This is kind of strange, you know.” Isak finally found his voice as Even climbed back up his steps.

“Of course it is, Isak. But when has that ever stopped us?”

Isak let Even have the last word. He carried the rhetorical question home with him, along with Even’s key.

The next night he showed up with his favorite curry. They watched _Beginners_.


	27. Flirting

**Even:** Why don’t we text?

They were in the car on the way to Maja’s cabin. In Kari Anne’s absence, Isak had called shotgun. They picked up Ida at the hotel like before, but with slightly less nervous anger. She and Marius were cuddling in the back.

**Isak:** Because I don’t want you in my phone.

Isak followed up with a screenshot of Even‘s contact name, to prove how serious he was.

**Even:** Oh so the hours-long calls in your history don’t count? Or the group chats?

**Isak:** Shut up, Shithead.

**Even:** Since I know how much you like my lists, here are some more movies to choose from for whenever we have dinner next. Also I’m buying a coffee table

**Isak:** Good for you.

Even sent his list and Isak got to work looking them up and reading the plots. _Beginners_ had been sad because of how Oliver was processing his father’s death, and the style was more dramatic than he was used to, compared to the comedies. Even had offered to gather a selection and let Isak pick the next one. Isak spent most of the ride reading up on the movies, spoiling himself on some, and sending back a new list in order of his preference.

**Isak:** Some or these sound really sad.

**Even:** They are. We don’t have to watch them, but they might be interesting to talk about

**Isak:** Ok.

When they got to the cabin, everyone grabbed their bags and trudged inside. It had been a long week for most of them, and Isak had been losing sleep over phone calls and visits to Even’s place. He was very ready to collapse onto the bed, even if it was a thin mattress pulled out from the sofa.

“Oh, Isak, you’re upstairs.” Maja stopped him on his way to the office. He spun around to face everyone else in the entryway.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re upstairs with Even.”

He glanced at Even, who seemed just as surprised by the ruling. “No? He wanted Kari Anne’s bed.”

“Yeah, and you’re going to take mine. Please.” She said it politely but also didn’t leave any room for further argument. Maja walked past him, physically claiming the office anyway. Isak looked to Even again but he just shrugged.

“Hey, at least you’ll have separate beds now,” Marius tried to console him as he led Ida to their staircase.

“We would’ve had separate _rooms_ the other way!”

“Oh, Isak, no, it’s too late to start yelling. Come on.” Even headed upstairs, leaving Isak alone and upset under the ridiculous chandelier.

A text pinged on his phone. Isak dug it out of his pocket.

**Maja:** I’m sorry I stole your bed but I think you’ll appreciate a real mattress for the weekend. Also I didn’t want to sleep in the same room as Even.

**Isak:** NEITHER DO I!!! 

He could yell over text.

**Maja:** Isak, please.

He let out an audible huff, shoved his phone back in his pants, and went upstairs. Even was changing into his pajamas when Isak walked through the door. “Whoa!”

“Calm down, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before,” Even hissed.

“Yeah but I’m not _supposed_ to see it now.”

“Then knock first, you dumbass.” Even turned away to pull on a t-shirt, though at that point it didn’t matter. Isak watched him for a second while he continued to fume. Then he tossed his bag onto the unclaimed bed.

“I just don’t get it.”

“Maybe she just wasn’t comfortable sleeping in the same room with me. Gotta respect that. Especially since she’s the host.”

“Well why didn’t she kick _you_ out?”

“Because she respects the laws of dibs.”

“Evennnnn.”

“Isaaaaak,” he spit back in the same whining tone. “Chill out, okay? It could be a guy thing, where she only wants to sleep in a room with girls. And frankly, this is a better solution than making us share the sleeper sofa downstairs.” He bent over to find his toothbrush and toothpaste.

Isak begrudgingly admitted defeat. “Well she could’ve at least given me a warning.”

Even straightened up. “Why, so you could’ve packed sexier pajamas?”

Isak’s mouth dropped open. It was truly unfair that Even could turn from reprimanding-older-brother to flirtatious-crush on a dime. He tried to slap at Even’s side as he walked past him to the door. “No! Fuck! I hate you.”

“I know!” Even trilled as he headed downstairs to the bathroom. Isak groaned and let himself fall forward onto the single bed in front of him.

* * *

As tired as he was, Isak couldn’t fall asleep. He turned on his side so he wouldn’t have to face Even, but he was still very much aware of him, and that kept his conscious running much longer than it had energy for. He listened to him breathing, and then to his twisting around in his own bed. It sounded like Even might be having trouble sleeping too, but Isak didn’t want to ask him about it. He also didn’t want something like that to be overheard.

Which was silly. Isak knew that. Asking if someone couldn’t sleep was harmless. But being in bed, curled up and listening to Even’s voice, he was afraid of what else he might say, what else would slip out. He couldn’t trust himself around Even, and suddenly he worried that Even was keeping him _too_ safe. He’d been letting his guard down. He needed to work to put it back up again.

Isak rolled over to face Even, and saw that he was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He watched Even’s chest rise and fall with steady, if not deep, breaths. If he focused hard enough, he could remember what that chest felt like, the warmth of the skin and the weight of Even’s lungs. Eventually that was enough to drag Isak down into sleep. It took a while, but he got there.

The next morning everyone woke up energized. Isak went downstairs to greet an excited crew already making breakfast, and he happily joined in at the waffle maker. This freed up Maja, who started pulling plates and silverware for the table. The house warmed up with the smell of sweet batter and they took everything to the deck to eat in the shade. It was an excellent start to the day, one that promised a relaxed pace, full bellies, and empty bottles.

Marius and Ida were attached as usual, but because Kari Anne wasn’t there, Maja was trying to talk to Ida a bit more. They took the lead on planning the day’s activities and keeping the boys in line. Sunscreen and towels and coolers were packed for the beach, and strong arms were sent to the shed to carry chairs down to the shore. Isak asked Maja to help him apply sunscreen to his back; he would’ve asked Even but he had a feeling he would pop a boner if Even touched him like that, so he played it safe. They swam off breakfast, then came back to shore to start drinking.

At some point in the late morning, it was just Isak and Maja in the chairs, leaning back to soak up the sun. Ida and Marius were doing god knows what in the shallow water, and Even had gone back up to the house. Maja flapped her hand until it hit Isak’s arm and drew his attention. “Hey.”

“’Sup?” he drawled as he turned his head toward her.

“Sorry about the room thing. I hope you’re not too uncomfortable. I just didn’t want to sleep with Even.” She giggled. “Well, I do want to sleep with Even. That’s the problem. I honestly don’t think I’d be able to restrain myself.”

“Really?” Isak was somewhat surprised, because Maja hadn’t been pining for him in their side group chat. In fact: “I thought you were talking to that other guy…the lab tech?” She’d sent his Tinder profile to Isak and Kari Anne for evaluation.

“Yeah, I’m talking to him, but it’s going slow. And Even is right there being all hot and flirty. It’s so difficult to resist.”

“He flirts with you?”

“Well…not exactly He _did_ shut me down. But he’s just really flirty in general, I think. And I’m just hoping it’s…intended for me. Like, what if he might reconsider?”

A heat flushed into Isak’s cheeks, knowing exactly what Maja meant. He had to admit that he was still hopeful too, but he had to respect Even’s decisions, especially since he’d really become a good friend, just like he’d wanted. “Has he ever, um, talked about anyone else? Like, maybe that will help if you know he’s interested in someone else.”

“No!” Maja roared, as much as she could actually roar. “That’s the thing! Kari Anne tried to pump him for details but she said he was single and intended to stay that way.”

“I guess we—“ Isak choked on the word when he realized what he was saying, but he had no recovery option that wouldn’t make it more obvious of a slip. “—should respect that, then. Let him be single.”

“But Isak, it’s so harrrrrrd. Also, since when do you want to respect Even?” Maja scrunched up her face behind her sunglasses.

“I know, weird, right?” He tried to laugh it off because he didn’t have any other explanation.

“You know how I get horny when I’m drunk?”

“Obviously.” Isak gestured at their current conversation.

“Maybe you get…nice.”

“No, I just get my lisp.”

“Oh, right. Also you did that whole fighting thing at Nine’s so there goes my theory. Whatever. I’m just glad you didn’t kill each other last night.”

“No guarantees for tonight, though.” Isak winked before he remembered he was wearing sunglasses too, and Maja couldn’t see. But she still laughed. Then she changed the subject.

“God, look at them. Do you think they’re in love?”

She meant Marius and Ida, who were sitting in the shallow water, propped up on their hands behind their backs, staying cool as small waves lapped at their chests. They were talking, and occasionally they’d lean over to kiss. It was all rather innocent, but to a couple of horny single people on the beach it was practically porn. Marius and Ida were flaunting a particular kind of intimacy that both Isak and Maja were lacking.

“I don’t think so. It’s just…the thrill of the affair I think. They can kiss in public.”

“I wonder if they’ll ever come out as a couple.”

“I doubt either of them would risk their jobs for that.”

“But like…it happens, people marry their coworkers. I don’t know how it would ever happen to begin with if there’s so much risk involved.”

“Well maybe it makes sense for certain roles? Like if I were to date—“ The first name that popped into his head was Even’s of course. “Marthe. That’s a lot less complicated than our human resources representative.”

“Ew, Marthe? She’s so old.”

“Jesus Maja, it was just an example. Two journalists without conflicting beats. So there isn’t like, an ethical issue. But someone who has responsibilities and some control over your own position? I don’t think that would be allowed. But also Marthe is sweet. Very smart and very helpful.”

“Okay, well, invite me to your wedding or whatever.”

Isak flapped his arm at her in useless frustration.

“Oh no, there’s tongue. Annnnd, there she goes.” They were leaning into each other more aggressively, and Maja narrated the scene as Ida moved to straddle Marius’s lap.

“Whoa.” Even’s deep voice cut into the little voyeur session from behind the chairs. 

“Even, help, we’re being attacked by a happy couple!” Maja raised her arms and wiggled as if she were being pulled under by a shark.

“Should we give them some privacy? I just started the sauna.” He walked around their chairs and presented his hand to Maja. She stopped flailing and accepted it.

“My knight in shining armor.” Even pulled Maja to her feet.

Isak would’ve crashed their sauna party if he’d been in the mood for it, but he wasn’t interested in sweating any more than he already had been. He was tempted to interrupt the aggressive kissing by running into the water. That would make him a cockblock though, and Isak wouldn’t do that to Marius. He decided to simply turn his chair around to face the house instead of the water, getting a fresh cider in the process. He watched Even and Maja walk up the hill and heard her giggles. Once they disappeared and Isak no longer had a distraction, he simply closed his eyes. If he heard moans again, he was going to make a run for his bedroom, but for now this was enough.

* * *

Even and Marius grilled sausages for lunch. They stayed up on the deck after they were done eating just to be in the shade. Maja brought some nail polish from the bathroom and she and Ida did quick manicures. They were unsuccessful in getting Marius to paint his nails, but Even offered his left hand in consolation. Isak was strangely captivated by how his hand rested in Maja’s while she painted the nails, how he moved each finger that she needed to keep steady. When she was done Isak even walked over to their side of the table to look at her work. The skill was impressive, and the style worked for Even. “Didn’t think you could pull off nail polish,” he muttered.

“You should see me in a skirt.”

Maja’s eyes went wide. When Even noticed her reaction he laughed. 

“I am _not_ wearing a skirt for you.”

“God Even, don’t tease me like that.” Maja sounded truly disappointed. Isak was simply frozen in place, completely arrested by the visual.

“Wow, okay, I…I need to re-up my masculinity right now.” Marius took a long chug of beer. “Um. Who has the key? Let me get a water gun or something.”

“Key is inside. But let’s do one better. I challenge you to a chicken fight.” Even also took a swig of beer, then stood up. “Maja, are you any good at…wrestling? Jousting?”

Marius stood up. “Let’s go babe.” Ida's participation was assumed.

Maja stood but held up her hands. “Hold on, I’m not going to wrestle our HR rep.”

Marius pointed at her. “Cone of silence.”

Ida agreed. “I won’t hold any of this against any of you. I’m also afraid that if Marius can’t get the chance to win a fight he’s going to pout for the rest of the weekend.”

There was a moment of silence while Maja considered this. Was potential physical harm to a coworker worth coddling Marius’s ego? Apparently. “Fine.”

They jumped into action. Everyone took their current drink down to the water. Even declared Isak their referee, even though it wasn’t necessary. But it was nice to be included, given a purpose. Even and Marius waded out into the water to find a suitable surface to battle on, and a depth that would work for getting the girls on their shoulders. Maja ran back up to the deck to fetch phones. Marius wanted video of him winning, of course, so Isak became a referee _and_ a cameraman. Maja asked for a good shot of her on Even’s shoulders. Isak found a good angle from the shore.

There was a lot of yelling from the boys and screeching from the girls. Marius struggled with Ida’s weight and Even struggled with Maja’s lack of core. He could dance circles around Marius, but that also meant he was more likely to lose his balance. Marius rooted himself and let Ida do the swinging. This led to a rather swift defeat, with Maja swerving too hard and her momentum taking Even down with her. They splashed down into the water with a scream. Isak got a good shot of that too.

Maja and Even retreated pretty quickly, running for the sauna since none of them had brought their towels back down to the chairs. Marius and Ida went back to making out in the water, high off of their win. Isak, now a bit of a fifth wheel, took the phones back up to the deck and tried to find something else to do at the house. Perhaps he could drink himself the rest of the way to a nap.

* * *

Even woke him up for dinner. It was a warm hand on his shoulder and a gentle update: hot food was ready. Then it was a smiling face above his and dusky light coming in through the sliding door. Isak wished he could freeze the moment, but once he blinked away the haze of his nap, Even and his hand slipped away. He rolled out of bed and tried to chase it down to the deck.

“Jesus Isak, you slept the whole afternoon away.” Marius was crunching on crispy potato wedges straight off the pan. 

Isak just shrugged. “Vacation. Did I miss anything?”

“Nope!” Ida cheerily provided, which meant of course he did. But he didn’t ask further. He had a weird feeling that, whatever it was, he didn’t actually want to know. He pulled out a chair to join everyone else at the table.

As soon as he’d served himself a plate of potatoes, ribs, and green beans, Maja leaned over and showed him her phone. “Do you think that’s too much?” She had a photo of her on Even’s shoulders, slightly edited to add color and contrast. Her caption read: _You win some, you lose some._

“It actually sounds kind of vague to me.”

“Well that’s definitely the mood.”

Isak gave her a look, which she returned, but he wasn’t sure what she was trying to say. “Okay…uh. You look fine.” That seemed to satisfy her. She pulled back her phone and Isak watched while she posted it. Then he looked over at Even, who picked up his own phone as soon as he saw the notification that he’d been tagged. 

He gave Maja a little head nod across the table. “Cute.”

Ida leaned over toward Even to see what was going on. “Aww. I wish we could post something like that.” She leaned back to Marius and rubbed his ear.

“What was it?”

“Even with Maja on his shoulders.”

Marius cringed as much as he could with a mouth full of potatoes. “Yeah but your rule.”

“I know, I know. I just feel like showing you off sometimes.”

Marius went all gooey at the compliment and puckered up for a savory kiss. Isak realized that that was what Maja was doing, showing Even off. Being vague meant people were going to make assumptions. And as if on cue, Isak got a text from Kari Anne. _WHAT is happening down there?_

**Isak:** Just a chicken fight in the water. Nothing serious.

**Kari Anne:** her marius crush has completely shifted to even by the way.

**Isak:** Yeah, she’s admitted as much.

**Kari Anne:** good luck.

“Who are you texting?” Maja tried to lean over again but Isak put his phone down.

“Kari Anne.”

Maja sighed. “I miss her.”

“Me too.”

Isak passed Maja and Marius’s sentiments on to her. _Everyone misses you._ He was tempted to let her know how he especially missed her because she would’ve kept him from being a fifth wheel, but he didn’t want to host a pity party for himself. He put his phone back down.

They enjoyed dinner, then refreshed their drinks and headed back down to the water. Isak and Marius built a fire in the pit. Maja and Ida built a tray of s’mores fixings. Even went to find the long skewers in the shed. They filled up on sweet things and stayed warm as the sun started to dip. Even with his nap, Isak started feeling tired again. His yawns drew Even’s eye.

“I’ve been watching too many movies. Need to catch up on sleep.”

Even nodded slowly. “You can do that too.”

Isak was confused by his response. “Uh, thanks. Didn’t know I needed permission.”

Even clicked his tongue. “Never mind.”

“I swear to god there is nothing more constant in the world right now than your bickering. It’s a weird comfort.” Maja curled up in her chair as if she were truly being cradled by Isak and Even’s brief exchange. “I’m glad I don’t hear it through the floor, though.”

“We’re not _always_ fighting,” Isak tried to object, for some unknown reason. Even barked a laugh.

“Despite our best efforts to actually be friends, it seems like the only way we can communicate is through an argument.”

“That’s valid, though,” Ida offered from across the flames. “Some people don’t get along on the surface, but they have the same energy underneath, and they work well together because they can feed off of each other.”

Even reached over the space between their chairs. “That sounds like us, darling.”

Isak snarled at the offered hand. “Fuck off.”

“Ah, yes, there’s that energy I need.”

The whole circle laughed, and then lazily moved on to another topic. They continued snacking and drinking, gossiping idly about Kari Anne (her punishment for missing the trip) and Emma. Maja had been keeping up with her social life more than Isak had, despite his original pleas to stay in each other’s lives. To Maja, it felt like Emma was gearing up for an announcement, and Isak wondered out loud if it was going to be about Beverly. Some of her fans had been noticing Beverly’s more consistent presence in Emma’s posts so it looked very plausible, even to someone not really familiar with the situation. Maja and Marius caught Ida up on the situation without adding too much drama. She respectfully did not speculate, even though Maja would’ve enjoyed it.

The fire died down before they did, so Even snuffed it and they all trudged back up the hill. They took any leftover food and drinks inside, but left the mess for the next day. Ida gave Maja a hug before they parted ways across the living room. Even was surprised by that but didn’t make any comment about it; he just gave Isak a look. Isak followed that look up the stairs to their room.

They changed into their pajamas in silence. They didn’t try to hide their bodies from each other anymore, because Even had been right. It was a challenge for Isak to not look though. He now understood why it would’ve been difficult for Maja to stay in that room. They went back downstairs at the same time, moving in sync to the bathroom to brush their teeth. They glanced at each other in the mirror while their mouths foamed up, When the water stopped running they could hear Maja having a loud conversation with someone on the phone next door.

“Probably Kari Anne,” Even offered. Isak agreed with a murmur. They took another silent trip back to their room.

They went straight to their own beds, Isak’s sheets already messed up from his nap. The door was closed, the lights were off, and they had their phones in front of them for that final scroll of the night. Isak knew there was nothing he was missing, nothing that Maja hadn’t updated him on already, but he was still searching for some kind of distraction to ease his path to unconsciousness. Part of his brain was still watching for Even, keeping an eye on how the light from his screen flickered and listening for the swish of the sheet when his leg shifted.

“This is what I meant, by the way.” Even’s voice floated up, and it took Isak a second to realize he was talking to him.

“What?”

“When I said you could sleep. I meant you could sleep over. We don’t have to watch movies every night.”

“You want me to sleep over? Like….” Isak let the suggestion of other possible activities you do in a bed hover above him as well.

“No, like literally sleep. We can hang out and talk and eat and then go to bed. You won’t have to worry about going back to your apartment if you don’t want to.” Even’s phone went dark. Isak heard him shift some more. Isak turned on to his side to look at Even and saw that he had done the same. “I used to sleep over at Elias’s a lot. Sometimes it was just…safer. I was around people who knew what I was going through, and at the end of the day I didn’t have to go back out into the night alone.”

“Is that why you have a key?”

“Yes. Also because Elias tends to not wake up in time for things. And we share the key now. But that’s how it started.”

“Okay.” Isak didn’t know if he was accepting the invitation, or just acknowledging it. He was glad to have it. He understood what it meant. But he was also afraid of it. He was afraid of how open Even was being, how kind. It was too hard to resist. “We’re supposed to be fighting though.”

Even laughed. In the darkness Isak could still see a glint in his eyes. “You can sleep over but I’ll make you stay on the couch.”

They laughed, and then they were quiet, and then they were just staring. Isak wanted to know what Even was thinking. He wanted to know if Even was thinking the same thing he was thinking. He didn’t dare ask, though. So they just stared. Isak kept his eyes open as long as he could, holding Even in place with his gaze. When he had to blink he tried to do it faster, somehow, than usual.

“I have to go.” Suddenly Even was up, the blanket thrown back. Isak twisted in his bed to follow Even's shadowy form as he walked to the door, then disappeared.

“What?” he asked the otherwise empty room.

After about a minute, Isak figured out that Even had to go to the bathroom. He felt stupid, as he rearranged himself under the blanket, for getting so confused and then concerned by an obvious reason. Isak went back to his phone, checked the time, then the weather for Sunday, and tried to remember what he’d been doing before he stopped to stare at Even.

Five minutes later, Isak sat up. Even’s phone was still in his bed, and the screen lit up with a notification. Isak wasn’t curious about the notification, but the fact that Even had left without his phone was strange. Who goes to the bathroom without their phone, especially if they’re going to take a shit? It could’ve been a sudden urge, so unexpected that Even ran out like he did. But even in his worst sprints to a toilet Isak had rarely left his own behind. Isak’s initial surprise faded to slight pity, mourning the man’s moment of probable pain and isolation. Maja’s family wasn’t the type to leave behind reading materials in the bathroom so Even was truly alone while his ass suffered. Isak thought it would be funny to tease him about it upon his return, so he settled in to wait for him.

Thirty minutes later, Isak was getting both tired and suspicious. What had Even eaten that could cause this? They all had had the same dinner and sweets. Even had switched from beer to juice pretty early on in the evening, so he probably wasn’t vomiting. Had he missed him stepping away at any point? Unfortunately no, his awareness of Even never ceased, as evidenced by the fact that it was almost two o’clock and Isak was determined to not close his eyes until he knew where Even was. Perhaps he’d gone downstairs to get something to eat, though that didn’t seem to necessitate a rush away from Isak without his phone. If he wasn’t going to the bathroom, or the kitchen, or outside for a private call with Elias, then—

Maja. Just like Isak had snuck downstairs to visit Even the last time they were at the cabin, maybe Even had run downstairs to visit Maja. Maybe Maja had caved, after a full day of flirting with him, and texted him to come downstairs. Isak sat up straight. He leaned forward. He felt like he was going to throw up. Maybe they were continuing something that they’d already started in the sauna. Isak wanted to run downstairs to fling open a door and drag Even back up to bed. But he also didn’t. He didn’t want to see whatever was happening. He pressed the heels of his palms over his eyes to force the visual deeper into the darkness.

“Maja’s still on the phone.” Even’s voice at the door whipped Isak’s hands away. He was sauntering back into the bedroom, his t-shirt slung over his shoulder, seemingly pleased with whatever had just occurred.

“Were you with her?” Isak spit out, forty-five minutes of venomous build-up coming with the question.

Even shot him a confused look as he sat down on the edge of his bed. “Excuse me?”

“Did you just go downstairs to hook up with Maja?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“No.”

“Isak. What? I was in—I went to the bathroom.”

“And came back half-dressed? Surely if you were shitting yourself it would be the shorts that would need to be removed.”

“Holy shit, Isak, stop.” Even held up his hands.

“If you’re going to fuck around with my friends, you might as well be honest about it.”

Even’s face went sharp. There was another glint in his eyes. Like he always did when they fought, he was about to match Isak’s level of poison and sling it back at him. “I can’t believe I’m falling for such a dumbass.”

“Don’t call her a—“

“You! Isak! _You_ are the dumbass. Didn’t you hear what I said when I walked in? Maja’s still on the phone. She’s been talking to someone else this whole time, and we haven’t heard her through the floor.” Even stood up and walked to the bedroom door, closing it. He continued his lecture. “I could hear her downstairs when I was in the bathroom, but sound doesn’t travel from this room. And I wasn’t _shitting myself_ in the bathroom. I had to go jerk off because it’s been torture watching your half-naked ass walk around all day long. When you were lying in bed just looking at me, I was about to burst. So I went down to tug one out, accidentally shot up onto my shirt, and had to take it off.” Said shirt, which was still on his shoulder, was pulled down now. Even flicked it at Isak and it landed in his lap. Isak reeled back with a yelp. “Fuck off, Isak. You secretly love my jizz.” Even stood up and turned away, toward his bed, to find the phone he’d been missing.

“This is so gross.”

“Okay, like you haven’t been jerking off since we stopped....” He waved his hand in the air to describe their brief affair.

“Actually I haven’t, but that’s besides the point. Stop flirting with Maja.”

Even spun around and leveled another hard look at Isak. “Why the fuck are you obsessing about Maja? I’m not interested in her at all. I thought that was clear, with the whole not-dating her thing, and also the whole sucking-_your_-dick thing. Jesus, Isak, stop deflecting your anger at yourself on perfectly innocent bystanders. It makes you stupid.”

“Don’t call me stupid. It’s not cute anymore.” Now he was angry that Even was trying to make this all Isak’s fault, when Even was the one acting so weird. He also didn’t appreciate Even bringing up their history. It made Isak squirm on the bed.

“Then don’t sit there and dream up conspiracy theories that make you shit on your friends like that. I’m sorry I didn’t explain myself fully before going to the bathroom, but it didn’t seem like information that you absolutely had to know.” Even’s sarcasm was in full force. Isak wanted to fight it, to literally punch it away. He threw back his blanket and stood up.

He had to pause, to think of his first punch, and it was difficult to do with Even staring at him. As he processed everything that Even had thrown at him, he tried to find some sort of higher ground to best Even on. “How the fuck are we going to be friends when you’re jerking off to me? I’m actually not sure if that’s better or worse than actually doing something with Maja.”

“I don’t know, man, how are we going to be friends when you can barely contain your jealousy over me flirting with other people?”

“You said you weren’t flirting with her!”

“Uh, no I didn’t, but I’m not actually doing that anyway. I’m trying to flirt with _you_.”

“No you’re not.” He shoved Even’s shoulder, as if that would prove his point.

“Not here I’m not.” Even shoved back. “I’m too busy hiding my boner from you and your friends.”

“Stop talking about your dick!”

“Make me!” Even shoved Isak again, but harder, and the surprise from the force and second attack sent Isak stumbling backward. He fell onto his bed and froze as Even continued his approach.

“Even,” Isak choked out, as a warning. Against what, Isak didn’t know. Even towered over Isak, so much that Isak had to scramble back some more, pulling himself completely onto the bed, flattening himself on top of the blanket. Even chased him, bringing up his knees and straddling one of Isak’s legs. It was a terrifyingly familiar position that Isak couldn’t—didn’t want to—escape.

“Fuck.” It was strong, truly an expletive. The next ones were not. “Fuck fuck fuck. Isak, I’m sorry.” Even made a movement to retreat.

Isak’s arms reached out faster than either of them could comprehend. They grabbed for Even’s waist and pulled him off balance. He had no choice but to collapse onto Isak’s chest. Isak’s legs came up, wrapping around Even’s lower half. He was pinned.

“Isak, don’t.” That was a warning.

“I want it. I want you.” He worked on a better grip on Even, to pull his ear closer to his mouth. He wanted Even to hear this unbelievable truth. “Let me.”

There was one more beat of nothing while the permission sank in. Then Even turned his face to meet Isak’s, to grant him the kiss that they were both desperate for. It was a pillow hitting him at 200 kilometers per hour.

Isak had forgotten how soft Even’s mouth was. It made him smile, feeling Even with his lips again. He pressed his mouth to Even’s lips, then the skin along his jaw, and then he opened his own mouth to take in more, as much as he could. He was hungry, starving, and this was all he wanted. Murmurs of satisfaction rumbled up uncontrolled.

“Isak.” Even managed to say his name in between licks of skin.

“Shut up.” Isak had him exactly how he wanted him and nothing was going to slow him down, not at this point. He writhed under Even, while maintaining a general grip, and he let himself feel that body up close and personal. He ground his erection, which had been drawn up so easily from its dormant state that Isak doubted it had ever calmed down, into Even’s belly, thrusting without a care outside of its own basic desire. He had to hold Even to him forever. He couldn’t let go. Not when it felt like this.

Even rudely interrupted Isak by getting his own grip around Isak’s back, burrowing into the blanket and taking advantage of the writhing. He flipped them both unannounced, and with a grunt, Isak was on top of Even. Even pushed him up and away.

“No,” Isak decided through gritted teeth.

“Shirt,” Even countered. He was pushing Isak away just so he could tug up Isak’s shirt and get rid of it. Once Isak understood, the shirt was gone instantly. Possibly it had never existed. He crashed down against Even again, their ribs bruising. Isak shifted down so he could kiss the bruises before they showed up. He kept going, in a slow shimmy down Even’s body, kissing across his chest and down his sides, hitting the waistband of his shorts and not letting that stop him.

Even was hard. Isak shoved his boxers down to get at his dick, pulling it out and appreciating how it felt thick against his palm. As ready as it seemed for Isak’s mouth, as ready as Isak’s mouth was to take it all, Even stopped Isak again. “I just came,” he explained while pulling on Isak’s hair. The slight pain made Isak look up; he saw the tension in Even’s resistance on his face. “You first.” Isak was horny enough to not argue this particular point. He finished pushing Even’s boxers out of the way, then focused on getting the rest of himself naked and finding a good position for his own blowjob. Even shoved him onto his back, his head almost hanging off the end of the bed, and his legs spread automatically. They picked up right where they’d left off a month ago, having just learned some key moves for quick orgasms.

Within seconds Isak announced, “I’m close.” He’d been close for weeks. He was beyond ready to explode. Even bobbed down once, touched Isak’s balls, and they immediately tightened, sending cum straight down Even’s throat. He gagged around Isak’s dick but swallowed steadily immediately after; recovery and follow-through were swift and thorough. Isak had to twist his head to the side and bunch some blanket fabric into his mouth to stifle his moans. His legs went even wider.

Even had to let go of Isak’s dick to catch his breath, but it was still hard and ready. Even stroked him in lieu of a second suck. “Fuck. This is such a shitty thing to do, as a friend.”

“Shut up. Shut up. We’re…not going to talk about it right now. I just need this tonight.” Somehow he gathered enough strength to sit up mid-stroke. He truly wanted Even in his mouth, and he didn’t even want to unpack that overwhelming need for himself. He’d have to revisit his shopping list later that week. Definitely not now.

They tangled together for a moment, as Isak moved and Even refused to let go of his dick. But then Even caved, and they separated, shifted, and came back together again in swapped positions. Isak put his mouth to work and he reveled in it. He moaned around Even’s cock. He closed his eyes to let his other senses heighten. He cared less about doing it right than simply doing it, being turned on by it, jerking himself off to his own beginner blowjob activity. When Even tapped out almost as quickly as Isak had, Isak popped off of the dick but cupped his hand near the tip to catch the jizz. He wasn’t ready to swallow it yet, but Even had been right: he was secretly in love with it. He collected as much as he could between his fingers and then he rubbed it into the smooth, hot column of Even’s still-pulsing dick. Fuck. It was enough to get him close again. He found another part of Even’s body to wriggle against (his calf?) while he continued to play with Even’s cum.

“Oh shit. Stop. Okay. Isak. Shirt. Where’s the shirt.” Even had to tear Isak’s hand away, unable to handle the extended toying with his junk. He found his already soiled t-shirt bunched up behind him and used it to cover and gently wipe down his crotch. Isak tried to interrupt him by fully straddling his thigh and leaning in to resume kissing. Even growled at Isak's relentlessness. “Ahhh, I hate you.”

“I know.”

They fell back, still kissing. Their arms wrapped around each other. Isak felt up Even’s back, from the sun-kissed shoulders down to the dip just above his ass. He mapped it out blindly, feeling it and imagining it and memorizing it all at once. Surely he had done that before, before they had stopped, but he did it again now. He wanted to know Even’s body, and he was afraid he wouldn’t get the chance to know it again. When they rolled to their sides they kept close. Isak’s progress was uninterrupted. They found valleys of softness on each other to thrust into, Isak’s dick pressed against Even’s belly and Even’s dick against Isak’s thigh. They sucked on their tongues and swallowed the little noises that escaped. They encouraged each other closer to the edge at the same time. Their hands took firm grips as the urgency increased. As they stroked to a second orgasm, their mouths hung open and panted hot breath against wet skin. Again, Isak smiled. Again, Even pulled on his hair. They tensed and shuddered. Their cum mixed into a mess. Their kisses slowed. The t-shirt had been discarded, and they really needed to fetch it, but neither of them let go.


	28. Busy

There was a flare of panic when Isak woke up because memories of the night before were instant and clear. He flipped onto his other side to see if Even was still in bed with him, but it was empty. So was Even’s bed. Isak didn’t bother looking for his own phone even to check the time. He had to find Even.

He realized almost too late that he was naked, and had to double back to his bag to find clothes. His discarded pajamas and yesterday’s swimsuit decorated the floor. Even had been naked too, but his clothes (and oh god, that cum-covered t-shirt) were gone. Isak pulled his second swimsuit out and shoved his legs into the nylon. He hit the stairs at a run.

Isak stopped short at the bottom. Even was in the kitchen, leaning on his elbows at the counter, a mug of something in front of him. He looked up from his phone when he heard Isak. He put a finger to his lips to shush him.

“Don’t shush me,” Isak called out across the living room. Even rolled his eyes.

“Everyone is still asleep.” Even didn’t say it, but the “dumbass,” was implied. Isak walked to the kitchen, full of questions that definitely didn’t need to be shared with the whole house.

As he approached the island counter, Isak felt like he had to break the ice. “I thought you didn’t like being the first one awake.”

“I’m a little more comfortable here, now. Also I didn’t want to scare you if you woke up next to me.”

Isak gave him a shrug that was impressive in its restraint. “I’ve done that before.”

“Yeah, and you were rarely happy about it.”

He scoffed and tried to think of a segue. In the pause, Even went back to his phone and his coffee.

“So. Um. What, uh…what does it mean, now that we….” Fuck he was nervous. Isak was glad he had the island to steady himself with. “Last night....” He was struggling with what he wanted to say about it. He had to start with some basic facts. “I, I liked it. I meant what I said. I want it.”

Even looked up from his phone. He was shocked enough to actually put the device down and give Isak his complete attention. “What do you mean?”

It was strange being on this side of that question. Usually it felt like Isak was asking for clarification on something that Even was stating, something that was countering his own assumptions. But now Even was caught off guard by the facts. “I liked it.”

“You did? I thought you would have, y’know, a moment of clarity when you woke up. It was a little confusing, how we got into it.” Even straightened, so Isak did too, to keep their eyeline level. This put more distance between them though, and made their already quiet voices almost difficult to hear.

“Yeah well the fighting...that seems to be normal by now. But I liked all of it. And...” Isak turned around to check Maja’s door, which was still closed. “I know you just wanted to be friends, but maybe we could do something more? Like we used to?”

A wave of pain crashed across Even’s face. “Isak, that wasn’t going to work out. You actually _didn't_ like that. And I’m not going to put you through it again, as much as I want what we had last night.”

Isak scurried around the countertop. It felt like there was an urgency to get this across clearly, and it had to be done with Even right in front of him. Maybe touching him. He grabbed for Even’s wrists and managed to secure one. “What if it’s different?”

“I don’t know how—“

They heard voices. Ida. She was at the top of the stairs. Even stepped back, pulling his wrist out of Isak’s grip. Marius and Ida talked loudly about breakfast options as they walked down.

“I’ll make you breakfast. We’ll talk later.” It was a hushed send-off that pushed Isak out of the kitchen. He gave Ida and Marius a small wave when they appeared, then went to the bathroom. He was long overdue for a piss.

* * *

They decided on french toast to soak up the hangovers. The house smelled like cinnamon again, which reminded Isak of the other failed breakfast, and what Elias had said about Even. Isak didn’t know when “later” would be for a better discussion of what happened, so he spent the time waiting for it by reviewing his mental notes on Even.

They ate breakfast on the couch, dangerously sliding a bottle of maple syrup across the coffee table whenever someone needed a pour. Isak was already in his suit, but everyone else had gathered in casual clothes, apparently not quite ready to hit the water like yesterday. Even was in black shorts and a thin cotton button-up that was only half-buttoned. Isak tried not to think about how Even must’ve woken up early to shower and wash their cum off of his chest. And also off of Isak’s chest? Had they woken up to clean themselves off? Or did Even do it while he was sleeping? Isak shoved french toast into his mouth as an unsuccessful distraction. The weather was fine, but the motivation was lacking, so they stayed on the couch chatting, and then eased into the day’s drinking.

“Honestly the summer kind of flew by,” Maja idly observed.

“It’s not over yet. We have the rest of the month and then September.” Marius’s brow was creased as if he were actually counting the days until the equinox.

“Yeah but it’s the last cabin trip. The cabin summer is over.”

“I bet your parents will be glad to have their space back, though.” Even took a meandering look around the cavernous living room.

“Yeah. They’ve been traveling, so now they’re going to start their Norwegian summer. They’ll be here for a solid month once we leave.”

“I absolutely cannot wait for that life.” Ida let her head fall back at the luxury of it all.

“I don’t know, I don’t mind this version too much. I’d probably get bored if I were here for more than like, four days at a time.” To prove his point Marius went digging for the remote control in the cushions. There was some cooking show on the background that wasn’t cutting it for him anymore.

“We’ll install a zoo for you next year, bud.”

Marius simply pointed at Maja and declared, “Goats.”

Their property was well-maintained of course, but the idea of goats had been fascinating to Marius ever since he saw a time lapse of how quickly they mowed someone’s lawn. Isak had received no fewer than five videos as well as a query about if he wanted to pitch in to rent one. Isak had replied with a curt _We do not have grass_, and ignored future emails on the topic. It made Isak laugh, then, to see the dream had not died.

Eventually they gathered enough energy to fetch the tubes from the shed for a float. They filled a cooler for the jetty and took the same formation as last time, sending Isak out to the tail of the line, then Even, Maja, Ida, and Marius anchoring them to safety.

They baked under the heat of the day. Even tugged on the line to draw Isak near, and then kicked water up onto his chest. Isak did his best to kick back and try to flip Even’s tube with his feet. They had their little ineffectual fights and their friends ignored them, and it was its own little bubble of safety. Sometimes Isak would catch a part of Even under water or between their tubes—an ankle, a finger—and he would hold on for longer than was necessary. Or, it was a necessary touch, just not meant to push Even away. Isak had residual cravings from the night before that he couldn’t resist giving into in small bites throughout the day.

By the afternoon Isak gave up on finding a time to speak alone with Even. He attempted to hint at a moment of privacy in the sauna but Even stayed busy chatting with Ida, and Isak went in on his own. Everyone ended up focusing on just finishing the weekend with as much relaxed fun as they could muster. The girls took pictures (though they promised not to post anything with Ida in it), and Ida took group shots of them that were more suitable for social media. Marius held out an open arm and texted Kari Anne that he would photoshop her in later. Then they hung out on the beach and brainstormed clever captions for all of them to use.

“We’re about to witness Isak’s first post-break-up Instagram post!” Maja realized. “Wait oh my god the stakes are so high for this. What’d we decide for you, Isak?”

“Uh, nothing.”

“You weren’t the ‘Four out of five dentists recommend’ bit?”

“No, that’s mine.” Even raised his hand.

“Oh, okay. Then we should go for something verrry simple. Bold but simple. You’re still Isak. You’re just as interesting as you were with Emma.”

“I fucking know that.” He was insulted by Maja’s implication. Even laughed at it, of course.

“But they don’t! For all they know, you died from the break-up!”

It would’ve been true except he’d replied to some of the more innocent messages, so people knew he was still alive behind the scenes.

“He had liked some of Emma’s posts, so people probably saw that activity,” Even noted. Isak nodded, because that was a preferred explanation that would keep Maja from asking who he was talking to.

“Okay, so you’re alive. Um, how about something like...'Busy summer’?”

“So when you said simple you meant boring?”

Maja shook her head. Even smiled wide when he got it. “Not when it’s paired with a group photo. You’re implying that you’ve been too busy with friends to wallow in a break-up, productively moving on, or....”

“Or what?” Maja’s tease was completely unnecessary, which annoyed Isak.

Even finished it for her: “Or you’ve slept with all of us.”

Marius howled. “Do it! Yes! Yes! Post that!”

“But I didn’t sleep with you!”

“That’s why it’s funny! And no one is actually going to take it seriously. First of all it’s Instagram, and second of all anyone will tap through to our profiles and see similar pictures and understand we’re all just friends. It’s a good joke.”

Isak looked to Ida to confirm that this was actually funny and not just Marius. She seemed to agree. Even was smirking, which was unhelpful. For him, it _had_ been a busy summer. “Fuck. Fine.” Maja cheered as if she’d won a caption contest. “But just so you know, the kind of people who follow me _do_ take Instagram very seriously.”

“It’ll be fine, Isak. If the response gets out of hand we’ll do some moderation.”

With Even’s reassurance and all of their captions in place, the four of them posted their photos and officially commemorated the cabin weekends. Kari Anne called Maja on Facetime when she saw the posts and felt left out. They talked to her for a little bit, and then headed back up to the house to start dinner.

* * *

For the drive back to Oslo, Isak sat in the front again. He chatted quietly with Maja when she needed it, otherwise he watched the likes and comments flow in from his post. There had been an initial flurry at the beginning but now there was a steady trickle of people late to the news: Isak was thriving.

It was nothing like Emma’s break-up post in terms of volume, but still pretty impressive considering his relative silence. He usually said nothing and people were still interested in the life he did not share. He felt a couple of bursts of anxiety when the pressure to respond became overwhelming, and he would turn in his seat automatically to find Even for guidance. But Even was sleeping, his head tilted to the side and mouth hanging open. Isak left Instagram for a moment just to take his picture. Even was allowed on his phone if it was for something embarrassing, he justified.

Isak was dropped off first, and he left the van as quietly as possible so his sleeping friends wouldn’t be disturbed. Maja waved goodnight through the window. Inside the apartment it was dark and quiet. Isak dropped off his bag and went to the bathroom. A light was on in Elias’s room but Isak couldn’t hear anything, so he left him undisturbed. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk anyway.

Isak had to think. More. As he got ready for bed he replayed what he’d said that morning to Even, remembering the shock of his face. Even had been surprised by his request for more. Hell, he’d been surprised by Isak’s initial response to the attack as well. But Even wasn’t as surprised as Isak was at what he’d begged for in the kitchen. He knew it was true, he wasn’t denying how last night had felt, or regretting anything that happened. But he also didn’t know what to do with it, and Even didn’t seem willing to let him explore more.

He pulled his laptop into bed with him. He’d turned off all of his lights and let the screen be the only source of glow. He found where he’d hidden the file and opened up his shopping list. He laughed. For some reason the list had just devolved into Isak typing “cock” over and over again, then finally “Even is a cunt” at the end. Those weren’t quite the helpful notes he’d been hoping for but he it was all he had to work with. He started reading from the top.

The apparent rant about penises aside, it was difficult to recognize who Isak had been when he had written the list. He sounded so angry. Maybe Even had been right about his anger. But this anger was different. He was so angry at Even. He had a lot of questions for himself, but only accusations for Even. None of them were true anymore. It had been a busy summer.

He left all of the cocks on the page and pushed down into a new section. He’d start over. Well, almost. He started with Even’s dick, which he liked. It was still “crazy good.” He liked having it in his mouth, and in his hand. He liked looking at it. He didn’t get much of a chance to do that the night before, in the darkness and the rush. But he thought about laying in bed during the day and just looking, maybe touching, Even’s dick. The beginner dick. He wanted more time with it, to learn.

And then there was the rest of Even. Isak closed his eyes and traveled up that naked form, remembering how his body felt against him and how it looked from afar. He was no longer angered by the presence of Even’s body; rather he appreciated it, even when it was fully clothed and engaged with someone else. In fact Isak had to stop himself from staring lately, from cataloguing his work outfits to mentally stripping him out of his swimsuit. It was still distracting but somehow felt more productive. Isak was trying to scratch some kind of itch with those daydreams.

The biggest change was that Even let him, now. He let him into his life, let him hang around him and be his angry little self while he egged him on or patiently waited for him to work through it. It felt like it had happened suddenly, that they’d gone from aggressively hooking up to…well, actually being friends. And maybe that was because Isak hadn’t done anything to enable it. At best he could say he was holding back, listening to Even’s request to just be friends and abiding by it, but that was it. And now, after last night, barely that. But otherwise, Even had been putting in the work to shift them into a solid friend zone. He provided support, both technical and emotional, for Isak on anything from work to ex-girlfriend to…gay…things. It was helpful and kind and, now that he was writing it out, terribly one-sided. He kept running back to Even for every little question and Even always had an answer, but what did Isak have for him? 

Just anger. Furrowed brows and splashes of water and rolled eyes. All he ever gave back was anger and it wasn’t even right. He wasn’t even angry at Even. It’s just that Even was always there. Even made it easy.

Isak sighed and rubbed his face. He was tired and annoyed with himself. His notes were leading him toward an answer he didn’t like, but he couldn’t figure out a way to avoid it. That was another thing he hated about Even, that without him realizing it, Even was showing him exactly what he needed to see. It was fucking perfect. And all Isak could do was beg him to have sex with him again. Fuck.

He tried to think of something else, something that wasn’t Even but also needed to be figured out. He reread what the list had started as, a reaction to his first blowjob. He had frantically tried to define it immediately, as new and strange and wanted as it was. A fluke of a hook-up had turned into repeated visits, which were dangerously close to developing into something more than a fluke. It was a pattern, followed by questions about the pattern, that had landed him on Even’s couch watching movies about men who liked men and not looking at a dating app that promised women. He hadn’t thought about men as any kind of opportunity, or if he had, he had stopped doing that. Before Even, men, or at least the concept of them, had hurt Isak. And then Even had as well. He’d admitted to it. Isak had screamed about it. But Even didn’t hurt anymore. He’d promised. And Even didn’t want men to hurt Isak either. So maybe Isak could try. Maybe he could change his settings and look for men. Even seemed willing to help him with that.

Isak shut his laptop. He didn’t know if writing stuff down was actually helping. In the very least he could tell that things had changed from when he first got involved with Even. It was just difficult figuring out what it was. And whatever it was was what Isak needed to convince Even that they could…that they could be together. That Even was wrong about just being friends. Was that it? That becoming friends is what changed? That Isak can see Even as more than just a cock, as more than just a coworker he hated? And why did Isak need this? What did he have to prove by pursuing him? There was something…unfinished with Even, and Isak needed to answer it before he could think about looking for different men. Maybe if he could figure out a relationship with Even, he could figure out a relationship with someone else. Maybe _that’s_ how Even could help.

It was long past the hour when Isak would’ve called Even for a chat. He pushed his laptop to the side and fell asleep instead. He would have to find the answers tomorrow.

* * *

At the office the next day Isak kept an eye on Even’s door. As much as he wanted to talk to him, he wasn’t going to do it at work, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to catch him at his desk. At one point Even caught him staring and gave him a quick smile. Otherwise he seemed rather busy. It made Isak anxious.

As the clock dragged closer to six, Isak checked Even’s office more often. He was hoping to catch him on his way out and see if he had time to talk somewhere else. He couldn’t think of any place other than Even’s apartment, and he didn’t want to be seen inviting himself over. He stared at an empty workflow document, which he was supposed to start filling with a quick piece, but instead just tried to scheme a way to trap Even.

It wasn’t that he felt like Even was avoiding him. The smile had seemed relaxed, as if nothing was missing between them. But Even himself had said they’d talk later, and Isak was desperate to do so. He didn’t understand why Even didn’t feel that same urgency, or what else in his social media world could possibly be more important than the impulsive hook-up. It felt like a minuscule rejection every time Isak noticed that Even was not obsessing about him on the same level, knowing that he ranked below a tweet on Even’s scale. It almost made him angry enough to march over to his office and demand a meeting in the quasi-privacy of a phone room.

Except the next time Isak looked up at Even’s office, it was dark. He was gone. Isak’s anxiety ratcheted up to full panic, and Isak stumbled out of his cubicle. He looked around, to see if anyone else had witnessed Even’s exit but no one else had popped out into the hallway in alarm. Isak whipped back into his cube, shut everything down, and ran.

It was stupid. Isak knew that. It was a stupid idea but he wasn’t stopping himself. He sat on the bus and stared at his phone and waited for Even’s stop. He should be texting him, simply asking him where he was, and if he had time to talk. Hell, he could just call him! He didn’t have to have the whole conversation over the phone, just find out where he was. But Isak was too afraid to ask the question and get an answer that would make him feel worse, that Even had simply left the office to avoid talking to Isak, or to do something so mundane that it hurt. Isak didn’t want to find out he was less important than a grocery store run or the simple desire to go home at the end of a long day.

Isak got to Even’s apartment easily enough now. He knew the path from the bus stop, knew by touch which key on his key ring would open the front door, and of course he knew the codes to get him up to the attic apartment. At the bottom of the stairs, while he toed off his shoes, he called out for him: “Even?" But the stairway light had been off when he arrived, and nothing glowed from under the door above him. He went upstairs to wait.

At first he sat at the kitchen table. He alternated between checking his phone and watching the door, listening for sounds of entry from below. Then when he got bored he moved to Even’s bedroom. It hadn’t changed since the last time he’d slept over. It was still tidy and spare. Even’s weekend bag was on the sideboard but it had been emptied of the trip’s clothes. This sent him to the bathroom, to check the washing machine. He found the clothes in the dryer and decided to fold them. He could channel his anxiety into something productive, as well as a weird apology for breaking in. He found the appropriate drawers in the closet and returned everything to its place.

After that was done, Isak ventured into the jungle. He let himself get comfortable in the colorful room, turning on the TV and flicking through Even’s viewing options. He could look up one of the movies they’d put on the list, but it felt wrong to start one without Even. He was about to switch back to his phone for entertainment when he heard the door. Isak jumped to his feet and ran out to the kitchen.

“Jesus fuck!” Even dropped the two canvas bags he was carrying when he noticed Isak and the noise he was making in the hallway. “Shit, Isak!”

All he could do was freeze and give a quiet greeting. “Hi.”

Even picked up the bags and took them the rest of the way to the counter. He sighed. “I knew you would be here. I don’t know why I was so surprised.”

“You knew?”

“Aside from staring a hole into my office door all day, I know I said we would talk. I went to get groceries so we could have dinner and…talk.”

“Oh. Thanks.” Even’s frustration seemed to be completely with himself, but Isak still felt bad about showing up unannounced. “I’m sorry, I should’ve texted or something.”

“I know you don’t want to do that. It’s fine.” Even waved away the apology while he unpacked the bags. “I got some nice salmon filets so we’re going to do fish and rice tonight. Okay?”

“Sure, yeah.” Isak hadn’t thought about his hunger until Even mentioned food, but there it was. And he would gladly accept whatever Even was willing to make for them.

“Sit down. If you want to talk, you’ll have to do it while I cook, because I am starving.”

“You didn’t have lunch.”

“Oh, you noticed?” Even threw a smirk over his shoulder at Isak. It was a strange kind of tease that Even knew he was being watched but hadn't done anything about it.

Isak blushed. He sat down at the table. “You really are too flirty.”

Even laughed. He looked at the groceries he had out on the counter and then reached above him into a cabinet. He pulled down a small rice cooker and set it up. “I like flirting with you. You get flustered, and it’s easy to see that it’s working.”

“I...like when you flirt with me,” Isak confessed.

Even was still facing away, focusing on the rice, but Isak could see his cheeks grow into a smile. “Then I’m going to keep doing it.”

“Can we? Keep doing this?”

Even was quiet while he measured out and rinsed his rice. Isak watched him move around his kitchen. When he could catch a glimpse of his face he could tell Even was seriously considering an answer. Even poured in the rice, added some water, and shut the lid to the cooker. He turned around to face Isak but kept his distance by leaning back against the counter. “As much as I enjoyed what we did on Saturday night, I don’t know if it was the right thing. I don’t know if we can keep doing it.”

“Why not?”

“Because we stopped for a reason, Isak. I know you said you wanted it, but it also terrified you. You were so constantly afraid, and...it felt like I was hurting you. You didn’t want me to do that!”

“That...it’s different though. I thought everything was going to blow up. I thought you were telling people, or that they’d find out, and then I would lose everything.” Remembering what it had felt like was still a lingering pain. Isak bent forward in the chair and spoke to the floor.

“I know you think it’s changed, but nothing really has. You still want it to be a secret, and I do want to respect that, but getting involved with you again makes that a lot more difficult. For both of us.”

Isak’s stubborn side (which was simply just his entire being) stood up to prepare its argument against Even’s reservations. He walked over to the counter and got right in Even’s face, resting his chest and hips against his body. Even felt stiff against him, and not in the preferred way. “I think you can keep a secret.” It sounded less like any actual confidence and more like a dare. Even rose to greet it, subtly pushing back into Isak’s space.

“I can, actually, keep a secret. I’ve kept it a secret this whole time. But you don’t seem to believe that. You get upset. You get hurt.”

Isak didn’t know how to challenge this, as it was fact. But he didn’t sputter and struggle for something barely related that he could spit back. This time he made a promise. “Not this time. I won’t get upset this time. I won’t let you hurt me.”

“Oh? You’re strong enough for that then?”

Shit. Even was smirking. Again. Isak absolutely hated that the tiniest curl at the corner of Even’s mouth could send such a thrill coursing through his whole body, exploding like fireworks in his crotch. Isak had to take a step back before Even could feel what he was doing.

“Cone of silence. Still. But yes. I...I want to be with you.” It came out in a heavy exhale, and then he had to breathe deep for more. “I want to kiss you and touch you and.... And I want you to do that to me too.”

Even was on him before he finished the sentence. An arm scooped Isak’s lower back to catch him as Even propelled into his chest. Their mouths caught in clumsy desire but they quickly found their beat. Isak gripped Even’s biceps and let the momentum of the lunge carry him back to the table.

He let go of Even to help himself up onto the table, sitting on the edge. His legs were now free to wrap around Even’s and draw him in close. He grabbed his shirt at the collar and pulled his face down into his neck. Once Even was firmly situated against the straining muscles below his ear, Isak’s hands moved down to the little space between them. He had to get through those pants, that underwear. He had to feel Even’s throbbing cock in his palm again. It was a relatively new craving for him, and almost too strong for its own good. It caused him to forget how a zipper worked, and the blind fumbling of the belt only delayed his goal. In frustration he groaned out the word, “Cock.” It made Even laugh mid-lick.

“I would put good money on you creaming your pants in the next two minutes.” Even bit. Isak shivered and agreed.

“I’m so fucking horny.”

He got Even’s pants down past his ass, but just barely. The underwear was shoved down with it. Even was deliciously hard and hot and immediately Isak’s hands weren’t enough. He pushed forward for enough space to slide off of the table. It was a graceless tumble to his knees. But then he had it, right in front of him, Even’s wispy pubes and a skinny column of flesh that had somehow become the only thing in life that he needed to survive. Isak licked his lips, adjusted his mouth around his teeth, and dove onto the dick like a seasoned professional. Even lurched forward again. He caught himself on the table. Then he bent his knees to give his dick the right angle into Isak’s throat and he fucked into the wet heat. It was noisy, between Isak’s gags and groans and Even’s grunts. But the cone of silence, Even’s apartment, saved them.

Even pulled back, suddenly, and the shock made Isak choke on air. He grabbed for Even’s legs to steady himself and watched as Even finished himself off with two quick strokes. His cum shot out into his free hand, cupped a few centimeters away from the tip. It made Isak salivate again, even after doing so steadily for the past few minutes. Then his eyes drew upwards as Even took his cupped hand and brought it to his mouth. He ate it like a kid licking an ice cream, and as predicted, Isak busted in his underwear. “Oh fuck,” he whimpered. His thighs shook. His hands, still clinging to Even’s pants, pulled them down with the intensity of the orgasm.

Even laughed, but it was soft and kind. It floated down with him, to his knees, and he removed his pants the rest of the way once he was down on Isak’s level. He cupped Isak’s jaw and pulled him close for a tender kiss, just lips. Isak was still buzzing, but he had enough awareness to try to get his tongue involved, to taste the cum he’d just pulled out of Even. He couldn’t tell though; whatever he’d gotten a lick of just mixed between them in the sweetness of the moment, and it was faint compared to the way Even touched him.

Even’s mouth drifted from Isak’s to his nose, his cheekbone, and then to his ear. “Get naked. We have twenty minutes.”

* * *

“So…you just…didn’t masturbate?”

While the rice cooked they had gone to the bedroom, where Even got Isak off again in a much more satisfactory and relaxed manner. Then he went back to the kitchen to make a teriyaki glaze for the salmon. They finally ate dinner around nine o’clock. During this they tried to get back to actually talking about their relationship, but Even got sidetracked when this detail was called back from what they’d exchanged on Saturday.

Isak shrugged. “Why would I?”

“Uh, to take the edge off. In the very least I think it would’ve helped with your hair trigger there.” Even gestured at Isak’s crotch with his fork.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t going to jerk it to a dude who just wanted to be friends, so I went dry for a while.”

Even coughed around some rice. “It’s masturbation, Isak. You can jerk it to anyone, and no one will know.”

Isak shrugged again. “I just didn’t see the point. If I couldn’t have it, then why bother tempt myself with the fantasy of it?”

“Who did you masturbate to before though?”

“Like when I was with Emma?” It wasn’t the question that was weird—Isak was comfortable being with Even and it didn’t feel intrusive—but Isak still paused because he didn’t know how he wanted to answer. He didn’t know if his usual answer when it came to Even’s question, the honest one, was the one he wanted to give, especially if it would change Even’s opinion of him. He felt like they’d finally just gotten back onto the same page, even though there was less talking and more sucking, but he was still thinking about their future, and how he needed to behave in order to at least continue what they were doing. Now was not the time to turn Even off. “Nothing, I guess. It was just very…zoomed in. Like I was thinking about my dick and coming but I wasn’t thinking about how I would get there. Just what it felt like. I’d close my eyes and it would just be black. A good void.” When he masturbated he didn't want to think about men, but he also didn't have to think about Emma.

“Oh.” Was there pity in Even’s response? Usually Isak could detect it if there was, since he was looking for a reason to hate Even and wanted something he could bite back about, but it sounded…emotionless. Like Even was simply accepting Isak’s masturbation style as fact and not attaching anything to it. Isak was slightly less suspicious of it, and possibly even grateful for it. “Well, do whatever you want, but you might want to masturbate…more? In general it’s pretty good for you, so….” Even let his suggestion trail off into another bite of salmon.

Isak scoffed. “I’m just going to come over whenever I need to…come. Your hand is better than mine.”

“I’m glad I’ve graduated from coworker to…hand.”

“You should be, I’m much more polite to my hands.”

After dinner Isak helped Even clean up the kitchen. Even had made enough food for leftovers, so they packed them into glass bowls. Even asked if Isak wanted to stay over, since it was getting late, and Isak was tempted to say yes. He leaned against the fridge and had to think about it. Even didn’t rush an answer, just stacked the food and arranged the rest of the groceries that he hadn’t put away earlier.

“You’re being too nice to me,” was Isak’s answer. Even turned around, confused. “I think I should go home.”

Even moved quickly, scooping up Isak’s face in his hands. “You can do whatever you want. I offered because I want to sleep with you. Try that whole waking-up-together thing again.” He gave Isak a half-smile, which Isak returned. Isak’s cheek pressed into Even’s palm. “It’s what I want, and I don’t think it’s too nice.”

“Still, maybe not.”

“Ok.” Even kissed him. He held onto his face and tried to read something from it after he had pulled back.

“What?”

“Nothing. I just like looking at your face, and I want to do it some more before you leave.”

Isak blushed and looked down. He wondered if Even could feel the heat of his pink skin under his hands. Even pulled his face in again and kissed right above his fingertips, right into the blush he had caused.

“Okay. You can go. Do you want to take some of the fish home?” He let go of Isak’s face and gestured to the two packed containers on the counter.

Isak stepped back, surprised by the continued niceness. “Oh. Yeah, sure. It was great.” The dinner had been really good, considering how distracted Even had been while he pulled it together. “I’ll have it for lunch. Thanks.” Isak took one of the containers. Even put the other in the fridge, then walked him down to the door.

After putting on his shoes he turned to Even. “Thanks for letting me come over and for dinner and…the other stuff.” Even laughed deep in his chest. “Shut up.”

Even lifted his hands in surrender, then shaped them into how they’d formed around Isak’s face. “Come here.” Isak stepped into them. They kissed again, a little longer and a little softer than before. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

It made Isak smile. He almost laughed at how he now looked forward to seeing Even at work. He almost couldn’t believe his anticipation, but he correctly identified it just then. He liked looking at Even’s face too. He took his anticipation, and the fish, with him and finally opened the door to leave.

“Oh! And don’t forget.” Even leaned through the doorway after Isak had walked a bit farther down the hall.

“What?”

Even made the jerking off gesture in front of his crotch. Isak flipped him off in response. Even caught it like a blown kiss.


	29. Tonight

As soon as Isak desperately wanted to be somewhere—in Even’s apartment, in Even’s bed, between Even’s legs—the universe conspired against him and kept him away. He finally was able to meet a source he’d been trying to draw out, and after a preliminary interview, he worked with the Chief to confirm this sudden treasure trove of information wasn’t actually another undercover cop. He still felt burned by what he’d lost (rather, what he’d never had) with Sparky, so he really wanted this to come through. Tuesday was a long day of back-and-fourth with the Chief, and Isak didn’t get home that night until nine. He ate some cold pizza that Elias had out on the counter and didn’t have the energy to get up off the couch once he’d plopped down onto it.

“Wow, Isak Valtersen in the flesh,” Elias drawled from his throne. He was watching someone’s comedy special, and didn’t even take his eyes off the screen to marvel at Isak’s presence.

“Shut up.”

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in a week.”

“What? I’ve been home.”

“Yeah, but at hook-up hours.”

Isak let out a small chuckle. “What are those?”

“Like when you only come home to shower and take a nap before going back out for more ass.”

He snorted. “If only. Tonight was just work.”

Elias sat up straight, intrigued. “Oh? And the other nights?”

“What do you mean? I was at the cabin over the weekend.”

“Yeah I know, but before that and last night too.”

“Sorry, didn’t know I had a curfew.”

Elias groaned. “Not that, dude. I’m just curious about these uh...rebounds.”

“Yeah, well, it’s not that.”

“Alright.” Elias dropped it. Isak couldn’t tell if he believed him or if he was just pausing his inquiry to give Isak a break. But Isak was too tired to figure it out. He ate his pizza at the speed of a sloth and gave huffs of breath whenever the person on the tv was mildly funny. It was exactly the way he needed to settle into sleep before another day of source-chasing would wake him up before he was ready.

Wednesday was just as busy and there weren’t even any glances at Even’s office. He was there in the morning but at about midday it went dark. Isak didn’t even have time to be curious about it; he had to focus because pieces of his puzzle were starting to click very quickly. His newest source, who went by Spritz, was the mastermind behind the whole communication system. He’d provided Isak with a vague schedule—no identifying details, just the function of each tag—but it was enough of a bone structure for Isak to fill in the rest. He was able to figure out a hierarchy as well, and Spritz was a leg up to the next level of dealers. He was getting much closer to the central supply, as well as seeing the ripple effect of failed drops. While such a complicated system had kept their work under the radar for so long, it also meant disastrous results if a single step was skipped. Part of him was eager to jump into the fray, and another part thought it would be smart to just try to give it a little nudge and let it come crumbling down. He had to go to the Chief again to talk through his options. He practically bypassed Trude at this point, walking in whenever new information was added to the mix, because the Chief was just as hungry for this chase as Isak was.

“At this point you need to be outlining so we can block out your pages. I can’t tell if the police are anywhere near what we have, but they could have a press release on deck if they think they’re about to be scooped. Get me your plan by Friday and we’ll see if we need to break it up into parts or stick with one exposé.”

Isak took his orders and left the office, but didn’t stop working. He went home and got comfortable in his desk chair, finally pulling all of his growing notes into an actual story.

Thursday was a blur. Elias texted him about food that Yousef had delivered from his new mother-in-law. Isak was still at the office and was bummed he’d missed dinner but he was getting close to finishing, and his own progress was motivation enough to power right through the night.

On Friday morning, Even and Kari Anne showed up at Isak’s cubicle with coffee. Isak allowed himself a five-minute break.

“Can I read it?”

Kari Anne snorted. “No one reads Isak’s pieces until they’re live. Our copyeditors barely get a chance.”

“Come on, dude, I could use the lead time.”

“It’s not even...I don’t think I have my lede yet. You rarely use anything beyond that so there would be no point to you seeing my shit early. Besides, I don’t know if the Chief will go with my angle.”

“What time is your meeting?”

“In like an hour.”

“Oh. Then we’ll leave you to it.”

“Thanks for the coffee.” Isak was running on fumes at this point and the caffeine was necessary. He was really grateful for their visit, and the sight of Even perked him up almost as fast as the coffee.

“We’ll see you tonight at Nine’s?”

“Of course.” He raised his cup in salute, and watched them walk away. Then he spun back around to his story, determined to bang out a stellar conclusion for his new best friend.

* * *

Siting in the booth at Nine’s, Isak felt the first wave of relaxation wash over him, and it didn’t have anything to do with the cider in front of him. He was alone in the middle of their booth, the first to arrive, and after his meeting with the Chief he’d all but filed his story. It felt good, after the whirlwind of the week, to finally be able to look at something concrete. He wasn’t one to share his in-process work, especially in Nine’s, but he was excited for his friends to show up so he could share the fact that he was just about to publish.

Just then Even rushed up to the table, throwing his body against the edge to stop himself. “They’re right behind me. Tonight?”

“What?” Isak was pleasantly surprised by Even’s sudden appearance but also thoroughly confused by his greeting.

“Quick. Tonight?” 

Kari Anne and Maja walked up behind Even, unaware of the stare he was laying on Isak. They moved around him to slide into the booth. Isak watched them while he processed Even’s question. What about tonight? Given the fact that Even did not provide any context, that he was rushing to ask it in a public setting, meant it was something Isak could not ask to be elaborated on. He had no choice but to return Even’s stare and say, “Yes.”

“Yes what?” Maja drew the strap of her bag over her shoulder and set the whole thing snuggly between her hip and Isak.

“Yes that Isak wants another cider. What are you girls having?”

Isak quickly drank down half of his pint glass to play along. The girls placed their orders with Even and he went to the bar. Isak gasped for breath when he put his glass down.

“Is this good drinking or bad drinking?” Kari Anne eyed the speed at which he was downing the cider.

“Good drinking,” Isak said around a burp. “Made a lot of progress today and we’ll probably go live on Monday.”

“Not a weekend feature?”

“We talked about that but the Chief didn’t want to rush it for Sunday and then have a follow-up nightmare on Sunday night. If we can wait until Monday it’ll be cleaner. But it’s also ready to go if we _do_ need to push it out.”

Kari Anne smiled. “Exciting.” She understood this kind of thrill, of knowing that something you were about to publish was going to change the world, but for now it was still tucked inside a pocket, waiting.

“Ohhh this explains the three extra pages I was given for next week. Lucky for you I have some skyscrapers that will slide right in, and a couple of clients who will love me to death for the extra placement.” Maja smiled smugly at Isak, as if she were cleaning up a mess he was making. He offered her a fist bump.

“Teamwork.”

Marius sauntered into the bar and waved to the table, but went over to meet Even and Thomas. He helped carry glasses back to the group. Even slid into the booth first, sitting next to Isak, and Marius took the end. With everyone settled, Kari Anne proposed a toast. “To Isak’s finished story!” Everyone raised their drink. “May he be less of an asshole once it’s in print!”

Everyone laughed, but none as loud as Even.

* * *

After a final cigarette, Kari Anne looped an arm through Even’s offered elbow. She moved closer to Isak and looped her other arm through his, linking them up on their walk to the bus stop. “I really am proud of you, Isak.” She leaned into his shoulder, which was slightly awkward as they moved. “You’ve been working on that for so long.”

“I know. And it was going so slow, I didn’t think I would ever get anything substantial enough to publish.”

“Of course you would. I feel like you’ve always picked projects that, if they don’t make it to print, at least go online.”

He laughed. “That’s because I never tell you about the ones that don’t.”

“Oh.”

“Millions of stories fizzle out into nothing. And then I do my bad drinking at home.”

Even didn’t say anything, but Isak caught a smile from him over Kari Anne’s head. Isak almost stumbled, getting distracted by it.

“Wait you’re supposed to do your bad drinking at my house. With mixers and shit.”

“Do we need to have a session?” Isak slowed down in his concern. He realized he hadn’t checked in with Kari Anne recently, even after promising to himself to be a better, more attentive friend. “Let’s do Sunday.” He didn’t let her brush him off. Whether or not she actually needed a drinking and venting session, they would have one. “I’ll text you tomorrow.”

This made Kari Anne laugh. “As soon as the work is done you turn into a social butterfly.”

“Are we complaining?”

“Not at all, sweetheart.” With a twist of her wrist she patted him on the arm. They resumed their pace to the bus stop, then found a place to wait among the gathering crowd. Kari Anne let go of their arms.

“You’ve been quiet.” She squared herself in front of Even.

Even shrugged. “Nothing to say. Excited to get home.” There was a flick of his eyes toward Isak, which was so fast that if Isak had been any more drunk he would’ve missed it. But he didn’t, and that’s when Even’s question from earlier clicked. _Tonight?_ As in, _are you coming home with me tonight?_ Isak nodded, even though he’d already answered. This time he very much meant it. _Yes._

They boarded a somewhat crowded bus. Kari Anne remained in her sandwich, talking into their chests about things that Isak couldn’t focus on. The desperation he’d felt after Monday’s...hook up? Date?...was back in full force now that his work distractions were gone. He clenched his jaw trying to contain his anticipatory energy, and avoided looking at Even. That would only make it worse.

Kari Anne gave them cheek kisses before slipping away into the night. Then, in the relative anonymity of the bus, Isak and Even stepped closer and smiled at each other.

“We need a better system.”

Isak was too occupied with taking in Even’s face to immediately register what he’d said. “Hmm?”

“For when we want to make plans.”

Isak shrugged. “I’ll just show up. I have a key.”

“Okay, sure.” Even casually looked around the bus. “But for that to work you would actually have to show up.”

They swayed with the last turn before Even’s stop. Even was avoiding Isak’s gaze, still looking around at the other passengers. Isak figured out what he was saying much faster this time. “Were you…waiting for me?” His smile grew. Even shoved past him, not saying anything, and thus admitting guilt. It made Isak giddy as he followed him off the bus.

They didn’t run, but their walk had urgency to it. Isak felt like he was losing his breath when he tried to talk. “We can text. Nothing, y’know, gross. But I can tell you when I want to come over.” The street they were walking down was empty but Isak still felt unsafe saying something like that out loud. Even either didn’t acknowledge it, or knew not to turn it into a conversation out in public. They remained silent the rest of the way to the apartment, the only sound being their slightly labored breathing and their shoes tapping up the stairs.

Just inside the door, before they could take their shoes off, Even pulled Isak into a tight hug. He had one around around Isak’s waist and another around his shoulder and he pressed his whole body to him. The squeeze was so tight that Isak had to laugh. “What are you doing!”

“Shut up. I missed you.”

Isak laughed again. He was nervous. “This is weird.”

“Hug me back you idiot.”

Isak’s arms had been stuck out at his sides for no reason besides shock. He slowly brought them around Even’s body, trying to figure out where they should go. He’d never had to think this hard about a hug before. But when he placed his palms against Even’s back, when he felt the solid warmth and let his fingers spread across it, the awkwardness faded and his arms knew what to do. He squeezed, and let his head fall forward onto Even’s shoulder.

“I _was_ waiting for you. Don’t be rude about it.” Even’s breath tickled near the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry.” It came out easy and true. Isak was sorry. He didn’t want to be rude to Even, not since he understood Even’s steady kindness and took shelter and comfort in it. He hugged Even back properly and they let themselves sway a little bit as they kept their balance. “I wanted to see you too.”

Even pulled back. He raised his eyebrows and smiled like he was holding back something. “Great. Let’s go see each other upstairs.”

They took off their shoes and held hands for the last flight up. Even asked if he was thirsty and took him to the counter without waiting for an answer. They got glasses of water and carried them to the bedroom, each taking a bedside table. Isak picked up the Magic Eight Ball when he put down the glass.

“Got a question for it?”

Isak looked over at Even and watched him pull his shirt out of his pants. It was a casual move, not intended to be any sort of strip show, but it still looked sexy. “Not…yet.”

“Well, you know where to find it when you do.” The shirt went over his head. It messed up his hair perfectly. Isak put down the toy.

Even walked to his closet with the shirt. He opened it up to deposit his dirty clothes in the hamper. Isak watched him undo his pants and let them fall, then pull down his boxer briefs slowly. Again, it wasn’t any sort of show or invitation, just Even bending over and undressing, but Isak was drawn to it. He walked over and stood close behind Even. He raised his hand just enough to run it up Even’s ass and spread his fingers across the left cheek. “Hello,” Even stood up and twisted around to greet Isak’s hand.

“I like it.” Isak’s voice was hoarse. His hand was still roaming.

“Oh really?”

Isak gave the right cheek a squeeze in response to the sarcasm. Even twisted out of it, but couldn’t get far because of the closet. He had to push Isak back, but he kept a hold on his shirt. He pulled Isak close, just enough to tease him with an open mouth, the idea of a kiss. Isak had to move the last couple of centimeters to make it happen. When he did it was soft and slow, and he closed his eyes and leaned the rest of his body into it. He pressed his growing erection against Even’s crotch and held Even at his ribs. Even let go of Isak’s shirt and started unbuttoning it at an equally slow pace. It was nice to not rush.

Isak’s shirt slid smoothly off of his shoulders. Even’s hands moved around Isak’s torso, feeling him like Isak did. Their mouths opened more and their tongues explored but they never went too far. Isak moved his hands up to Even’s neck and held him there. Even got to work on Isak’s pants, but he still did it deliciously slow. The touch made Isak’s hips jerk forward, which made Even smile. Isak kissed his teeth and flicked his tongue over them.

“Fuck I love kissing you.” Even barely got the words out while he sucked on Isak’s tongue. Isak couldn’t do anything but agree with a grunt. He was blind, just chasing Even with his mouth and trying to hold him there forever.

Even got him naked, pulling his pants and underwear down past Isak’s ankles with his toes. They remained in their embrace at the end of the bed, not needing anything more at the moment. They’d maneuvered their hips enough to press their dicks together, and occasionally they’d grind up for a little extra friction. Eventually, Even gave him another order. “Okay, bed.”

Only when they separated enough to move did Isak realize how out of breath he was from just kissing. He tried to pace himself crawling up the bed to Even’s pillows, but Even reached back to pull him along faster. “Excuse me, I thought I was supposed to be the aggressively horny one.”

“I might have you beat this week.” Even fell onto his back and pulled Isak up his body. Their mouths met first and their limbs adjusted later. Isak got comfortable on Even’s body, making warm, subtle movements that kept him erect and buzzing. He hummed and moaned against Even’s skin. He felt the muscles and bones roll and bump under him, and he countered them with his own. When they got restless with that position, when they’d kissed all that they could kiss, Isak pushed himself up. He scooched back until he was on Even’s thighs and had space to play with their dicks in front of him.

Even propped himself up with a couple extra pillows. Isak started by running his hands across Even’s waist, tracing the fading redness from his pants. Then he made lazy loops around Even’s hips, dipping his fingers into the bed to reach the ass he was so fond of. Even tried to lift his hips even with Isak’s weight on his legs, and didn’t get very far, but the movement was appreciated. It made Isak grunt and made his dick give a little wave. Finally Isak drew his full attention to Even’s cock, which was deep pink with need and pointing straight up to Even’s soft belly. Isak used a delicate touch he didn’t know he had to lift it up and dance his fingers up and down its length. “It’s so...pretty.”

Even’s laugh made his belly ripple. “No one has ever said that about my dick before. Thank you.”

“That guy who...you would give blowjobs to....”

“Mikael?”

Isak’s eyes snapped up and his grip on Even’s dick squeezed automatically. “It was Mikael?”

“Yes? I didn’t tell you that?”

“No, you just said some guy. I didn’t know it was your friend.” Isak loosened his grip when he noticed Even’s facial expression. “Sorry.”

“Oh no.”

“What?” Isak went back to idly stroking Even.

“Now you’re thinking about Mikael’s dick.”

“I am not!”

“Yes you are, you’re completely zoning out.” Even slapped at Isak’s hip.

“No.” Isak increased the intensity of the strokes as if that would prove Even wrong. “My original question was if that other guy, Mikael, had ever seen your dick.”

“We kissed a couple of times, but the blowjobs were one-sided. He did rub me through my pants once, though.”

Isak smirked. “So I’m the only one who has gotten to do this?” He curled down and held up Even’s dick so he could lick the tip. It sent Even into a small spasm of shock and pleasure.

“Ahaha, well, ah, the only guy at least.”

Isak straightened. “I’ll take it.” He gave Even a few more tugs before deciding what his next move would be. He shimmied himself farther down Even’s legs, adjusted himself between his calves, and then rested his torso on his thighs. This landed his face right on Even’s hip, and Isak took a quick break there. He breathed deep, inhaling the scent of Even’s groin. He looked at his pubes up close and let his fingers tickle Even’s balls.

“Settling in?”

“I’ve never been so close to a pair of balls before.”

“Uh, yeah you have, when my dick is literally in your mouth.”

Isak clicked his tongue. “I mean looking at them.” To prove his point he leaned in and kiss a nut.

“I wouldn’t say they’re the most photogenic body part but they’re fun to hold.”

Isak took the hint and more aggressively fondled the sac. In response, Even shifted his legs enough to push Isak to one side and free the other. He spread his legs like he would for a blowjob but Isak didn’t take that hint. Instead he just stayed where he was, watching the balls shift with the movement and the darker corners of Even’s groin open up to him. Even wasn’t doing or saying anything particularly sexy—he let Isak rest on his body and take his time with whatever he wanted—but maybe that was it: the access. Discovering Even was just as thrilling as kissing him. It took Isak’s breath away.

“Isak…kiss me.” Even was still lying back on the pillows, so his request ended up being more of a wish sent to the ceiling. But Isak was in the mood to grant wishes. He propped himself up on his elbow to get a good look at the area Even wanted touched. He purposefully ran his fingers around Even’s dick, around his hips, around his balls, as if his fingertips could choose the right spot. He didn’t want to tickle or tease, but he needed a moment to warm up to what he was going to do. Even raised his hips slightly to open up to Isak some more, present his options. “Isak….”

He’d never done this before. He was scared. He didn’t even know what he was doing. But he knew he wanted it. He wanted to kiss Even’s balls, he wanted to suck on them. He wanted to lick the skin, where it was smooth and where it was hairy, and raise wet goosebumps against his tongue. He wanted to taste more of Even. He wanted to cross the line. Isak licked his lips. He closed his eyes.

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck.” Even started panting as soon as he felt Isak dip down to his balls. His nose was there, nuzzling, acclimating, and the first touch of his tongue was overwhelming for both of them. Isak breathed heavy right into Even’s crack, lodging a shiver up Even’s spine permanently.

Isak could hear Even humming, groaning, but just barely over his own heart. He moved blindly down from Even’s leg, freeing it, and shoved his face into Even’s ass. His hands fumbled to get a grip on Even’s thighs and push them apart, or up, or however would give him space. He needed to get closer, he needed the spread, the access. Even granted him that too. Isak licked.

Even tasted like…Even. He tasted just like he smelled, and Isak couldn’t get enough of that. He licked lower and lower, with broader strokes, as if he could get more faster that way. Even’s hands replaced his on his thighs, as he pulled his legs up. Isak opened his eyes so he could see the ass cheeks he was spreading, and then he dove back in. He felt the rippled skin of Even’s hole on his tongue, and then the taste hit, and then came the hunger.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Even yelled. The hole clenched. Isak wiggled the tip of his tongue into it. Even dropped a leg and slapped his free hand down on the crown of Isak’s head. His fingers curled into Isak’s hair and pulled him in closer. Isak had no choice but to simply breathe Even instead of air. He loved it. He kissed Even’s asshole, made out with it with his tongue, and held his body in place so he could keep going. It was a bit of a struggle with Even’s legs, as he lifted his hips and tried to squeeze Isak’s head between them, but Isak was strong enough. “Isak, fuck.”

He was able to keep at it for another minute, but then Even’s tugs on his hair started to hurt. “Ow.” He pulled his head back and licked at all of the saliva he’d spilled around his mouth. Even let go of him and his other leg dropped. Isak pushed himself up so he could get a good look at him. His chest was heaving and one hand had gone to his dick, too dark with blood to go another second untouched.

“What…the fuck…was that?” Even popped his head up with the question but had to fall back onto the pillows again. Isak pushed up onto his knees and crawled forward. He stayed between Even’s legs though.

“I thought that’s what you wanted.” It sure as fuck felt like he wanted it, but Isak was confused by Even’s confusion.

“Fuck yeah I wanted it. I just didn’t think you would know how, or even be willing to eat me out. Jesus.” He ran a hand through the front of his hair, pushing sweat up into the deep gold strands.

Isak shrugged. “I was just…kissing you.” Now that he was sitting up and very much aware of what was going on, he was getting uncomfortable. It was one thing to do it, it was another thing to _think_ about doing it. To know where he’d put his tongue, where he wanted it to go. To know he’d done it without thinking in the first place. Doubt started to settle in.

But Even cut through it. “Come here.” He let go of his dick and held out his hands for Isak to lean into. Once he got his fingers on Isak’s jaw he pulled his face in.

“My tongue was just in your butt,” Isak whispered as he got close. Was it dirty? Was _he_ dirty?

“I know, that’s why I want to kiss you.”

Isak melted. He collapsed onto Even’s chest, barely making it to his open mouth, but Even made sure they connected. The kiss was breathy and wet and it let Isak stop thinking again. Now he was just doing. Even hooked his legs around Isak’s and wrapped his arms around Isak’s shoulders. He kissed him some more in that grip, to keep him relaxed, and then with a sudden twist he got Isak on his back. It was Even’s turn to position himself over Isak’s crotch, so he let go of Isak and did the same scooch backward.

“I was…so close to busting.”

Isak just nodded. He watched Even move, he felt his heavy dick slap around. He resisted reaching out for it, since Even seemed to have a plan. He waited until Even seemed to settle, then rested his hands on his knees.

“You were rimming me, and that was so fucking hot.” Even arranged their dicks together in his palms, getting a gentle two-handed grip. “But I also thought about other things you could do.”

Isak’s brain short-circuited, unable to choose whether to focus on Even jerking them off together or what Even was saying. He tried gasping Even’s name but choked on the first syllable.

“You could start with your tongue.” Even’s hands stopped for a moment. “And then you could use your finger.” He held them in place but started thrusting his hips forward instead. “One at first. Then I’ll ask for more. Two. Three. Fuck me with your fingers.” Even had to put one hand down on Isak’s chest for balance. He rearranged his grip on their dicks and then kept fucking up into it. “You can make me come with your fingers.” His voice was hoarse with the heat of the fantasy and the effort of the frotting. Isak wanted to reach up to his throat and pull him down but he was still holding Even at the knees. “And then one day—oh! Oh fuck.” He was going to come. Isak recognized it, and it triggered the start of his own orgasm too. They started moaning over each other. “Fuck me. Isak…. Oh.”

“Mnph. Even.”

“Fuck. Isak. You’re gonna…gonna fuck me! Ohhh!” Even’s hips shuddered to a halt as he came, the spurt of hot jizz hitting up Isak’s chest. Isak came almost immediately after that first shot, and their cum spilled onto his belly together. Even let go of their dicks but resumed a slow thrust, coaxing their orgasms to a true finish. He lowered his torso over Isak’s, and that hoarse voice added to the heat trapped between them. “Your thick cock…in my ass. Wet from your mouth. Tight around your fingers. Then you’re going to fuck the cum out of me.”

His cock jerked with a quasi-second orgasm from the dirty talk. He finally let go of Even’s knees and went for his shoulder blades. He pulled Even down to his chest with a satisfying squish and they caught their breath in each other’s mouths. “Fuck you. I’m gonna fuck you.”

“Yes, Isabel.” Even smiled with the name. “Yes.”

* * *

Even fell asleep on top of Isak, the last conscious move being soft kisses near Isak’s ear. Isak fell asleep shortly after he realized this, accepting Even’s weight as a blanket. They only napped for a few hours though, literally breaking apart in the middle of the night to get more comfortable and drink the water they’d prepared. They rearranged the pillows and faced each other in the middle of the bed. Isak dipped his head to kiss Even’s collarbone and Even played with his curls. “Maybe you’re a genius.”

Isak laughed. “Um, yes. I am. But what prompted this, and why did it take so long to say it?”

Even tugged on his hair, which lifted Isak’s face and revealed teasing eyes and a big smile. He kissed between Isak’s eyebrows. “You’re a genius at eating me out.”

He laughed again and blushed. “I was just kissing you.”

“Have you ever rimmed someone before?”

Isak let his head fall back without Even’s tugs. He closed his eyes, wanting to answer him but embarrassed about it. “No. I ate Emma’s pussy but we never did....”

“Well then yes, you’re a fucking genius for doing that with me.”

“Have you?”

“No. What we’re doing now is really....” Even sighed. “It’s all new to me.”

“You seemed like you knew what you were asking for though.”

Even chuckled. Isak wanted to press into his chest to feel it but moved too slow to catch it in time. So he just snuggled and felt for Even’s answer against his warm skin. “I know what I want, even if I’ve never had it before. Just like you knew you want to suck my dick.”

Isak curled up with those thoughts for a little, with the idea that he didn’t know what he wanted, or the idea that he tried to not know what he wanted. Even left him with his silence, only adding a steady touch to his hair. Isak hadn’t been paying attention on purpose. But once he did, then he knew. He knew he wanted Even, wanted his body; he wanted to make him feel good. He wanted to give Even what he wanted, especially when he seemed to be so sure of it. Even was teaching him how to want, and then rewarding Isak with his body.

Isak had tucked his arms into his chest in the snuggle, but he let one free now, to run his hand over Even’s side. He started at his shoulder, then down his upper arm, then jumping to the dip of his waist and diving down below the edge of the blanket that had gathered there. Even grunted when he felt Isak slide his hand down his groin and over his soft cock. “I didn’t mean now.”

“No, I just want to hold it.”

Even chuckled again and leaned into Isak’s touch. They got comfortable in a new position, where Isak could reach down without strain and Even rested above his head. Isak’s face was closer to Even’s nipples now, and he gave them light kisses. His fingers ran a small circuit around Even’s crotch, dancing over the shaft, tapping the tip of his dick, circling his balls, and tickling behind them. He didn’t go for his hole again, because he truly didn’t want to wind up their tired bodies, but he crossed the old border easily, knowing for sure that what Even wanted and what he wanted was the same thing. That thought is what sent them back to sleep, with a gentle rock of their hips.

When Isak woke up, he had separated from Even but remained within touching distance. He was on his back, spread out among the pillows, and Even was to his left. He reached out for Even’s back, which was facing him. His touch woke Even, and filled the room with a lazy stretch and loud yawn. “Good morning, genius.” Even rolled over with a smile. Isak pushed his palm into Even’s face rather ineffectually. Even pulled himself onto Isak’s chest despite the block.

“Don’t call me that.” Isak whispered, his demand swallowed up by a warm kiss.

“Would you prefer Isabel?” Even was too close for Isak to see his smile but he heard it. He gave Even another light slap for it. “Or I believe we discussed alternatives: sweetheart, honey, lover.”

“I will literally kill you if you call me any of those names.”

“So grumpy in the morning, tsk.” Even tugged at the blanket that was sandwiched between them, roughly enough to cause Isak slight alarm.

“What are you doing?”

“Getting rid of your grump.” The blanket was whipped free, and Even turned his body around so he faced Isak’s feet. The sight of Even’s plump ass definitely cheered Isak up a bit, but it was the hot mouth on his cock that made him forget how to be angry entirely. Isak spread his legs and luxuriated in this wake-up call, grinding his hips up into Even’s mouth at a delicious pace. Even knew how to make him come from their very first time, and knowing that he was in good hands helped his orgasm ramp up that much faster. When he felt the edge approaching he gripped Even’s beautiful ass in one hand and the discarded blanket in the other.

“Even!” Isak would’ve been ashamed of how high-pitched his yell was except it didn’t matter here. The orgasmic moans that came with every spurt shooting down Even’s throat kept the higher register. “Oh my god. Oh my god.” It took a few more choruses to a god Isak didn’t believe in for his voice to settle back down. Even hit him with another smug smile.

“Feeling better?”

“Fuck off.”

Eventually they looked at a clock and began to schedule the rest of their day. First they had to take a shower, which they did together in order to save time, except they actually lost twenty minutes to Isak’s first attempt at sucking a dick under running water. Then Even offered up a variety of cold cereals for a quick breakfast to make up the time. They ate in their towels, standing up in the kitchen, and strategized a return to Isak’s apartment.

“We could just say you were coming home from somewhere else and happened to see each other on the street.”

“You don’t think that looks suspicious?”

Even hurried through some crunching so he could swallow and clear his throat. “It’s happened before with Mutta. We were both walking from different directions and waved to each other. We met at the door.”

“That feels so unlikely.”

Even laughed. “But it happened, so.”

“And even more unlikely that it’ll happen again.”

Even laughed louder, clearly thinking that Isak was being ridiculous. But he didn’t dismiss Isak’s concern. “How about I go over first, like, thirty minutes in advance. Then, once I know everyone is already there, you can ‘come home from your steamy hook-up.’”

Now Isak could laugh at the ridiculousness. “Steamy hook-up?”

Even put his bowl down on the counter and stared at Isak. He quirked an eyebrow, which earned another laugh. “Was it not steamy? Am I wrong?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re getting a pass on a technicality.”

“A very sexy technicality.”

“Don’t tell people I’m doing steamy shit.” Isak pointed his spoon at Even.

“Wouldn’t dare, babe.” Even winked then twisted around to pick up his bowl again.

They agreed on the delayed arrival for Isak, since Even didn’t like to be late to Elias’s and he could make sure the coast was clear. Isak tried to think up a fake date he could tell the guys about while they got dressed, but Even putting on clothes was just as distracting as Even taking off clothes. Isak wanted to throw himself back onto Even’s bed and just watch him do something as mundane as putting on socks. Apparently he was still aggressively horny despite their steamy night and morning.

Back in the bathroom Isak found the red toothbrush was still there, so he brushed the last traces of Even from his tongue and fixed his hair. Even reminded him that if he was returning home from a romp he didn’t exactly need to look decent. Due to that very sexy technicality, they made out in the kitchen before Even left, and Isak let whatever Even did to his hair remain untouched.

Even left Isak at the kitchen table. Isak waited patiently for texts from him reporting on the apartment. He checked his work email in case anything had exploded overnight but there was nothing from the Chief, and a quick scan showed that he hadn’t been scooped either. Then he texted Kari Anne about visiting tomorrow.

**Kari Anne:** omg you remembered

**Isak:** Of course? Why wouldn’t I?

**Kari Anne:** idk it just felt like such a silly thing the way you said it and after we’d been drinking

**Isak:** I can be silly.

**Kari Anne:** ok bring your silly ass and some buns over at like...one

**Isak:** That feels kind of late for breakfast.

**Kari Anne:** sundays before noon simply do not exist

Before Isak could find the laughing emoji to send back, Even delivered his first report. 

**Even:** Just Mikael, Yousef, and me today. Woke up Elias. He asked if I knew where you were but I said no

**Isak:** In a curious way or a concerned way?

**Even:** Both? Why the distinction?

**Isak:** If he’s concerned for my safety or whatever, I’ll tell him when I’m going to stay out overnight.

**Even:** You don’t even tell ME wen you’re going to stay overnight, and it’s usually at MY apartment

**Isak:** Yeah but you catch on quick.

There was nothing for about five minutes.

**Even:** No offense but I don’t think anyone really cares about your sex life. We’re talking about Yousef’s honeymoon, which is even weirder because it’s about Elias’s sister’s sex life. I’d say the coast is clear for your arrival

**Isak:** I’m going to wait another ten minutes.

**Even:** Okay. It would probably be different if Mutta were here but I think you got lucky

Isak thought, but didn’t type, _I did get lucky_. He was surprised by his own desire to flirt, especially over text.

**Even:** I think Elias is suspicious of me now, because of how much I’m texting

**Even:** You’re totally clear. They’re all playing a game. They won’t even notice you walking in

Isak went downstairs to Even’s front door. He looked at Even’s graffiti while he shoved his feet into his work shoes. He regretted not spending the time alone in Even’s apartment snooping some more, or at least trying to figure out what some of the messages meant. He checked that Even’s door locked behind him when he went out into the hallway, then made a slow trip to his own apartment. He distracted himself from the potential investigation that awaited him (despite Even’s reassurances) by thinking up stupid shit to write on the door the next time he was there.

Just as he was about to enter his building, he got another text.

**Even:** After you visit Kari Anne tomorrow, come over. I’m making tacos


	30. Dirty

Kari Anne was still wearing pajamas when she let Isak into her apartment, pink sweatpants with daisies on them and an oversized t-shirt.

“Good drinking or bad drinking?” Isak offered a bag of buns, as requested. She took them as he walked past her into her kitchen.

“Probably a mix of both.”

They set up grapefruit mimosas and Kari Anne warmed a bun for each of them in the toaster oven. Isak found the blanket nest Kari Anne had been avoiding her Sunday in and set one up for himself. It was warm outside, the end of summer blazing as if autumn weren’t a threat, but it was cool inside, and they could get comfortable under a couple of layers.

“How was your sister’s surprise? I think we were all too involved with the cabin to ask how that went for you.”

Kari Anne’s face soured. “It was fine.”

Isak waited for her to elaborate but Kari Anne didn’t say anything more. She stared down into her glass of champagne, her brow still furrowed and mouth turned down.

“So that’s the bad drinking, huh.”

“No…well…ugh….”

Isak knew if he wanted something he would have to wait for it. He watched Kari Anne and ate his bun, ready to listen.

“It’s not…I….” She huffed. “Wait, no.” She took a swig of her drink. “I need to be more drunk before I tell you.”

Isak was intrigued, as this upped the stakes of what Kari Anne wanted to share. He fidgeted in his nest.

“Let’s talk about you, first, and what you’re going to publish tomorrow.”

Isak allowed the distraction. Kari Anne could drink while Isak talked, and they would be able to get back to her faster. Saturday had been a bit of a blur, hanging out with the guys and trying not to stare at Mikael too often. Isak didn’t bother checking in on his work until right before bed, when he was reviewing copy edits and an update from the Chief (radio silence from the cops but a request to revisit some of the locations tomorrow, as they will need up-to-date photos and confirmation on public access). So, Isak was going to go to the skatepark after catching up with Kari Anne.

“Wait! You shouldn’t be drinking if you have to do work.”

“It’s okay, I’m not going to get drunk.”

“Then I will drink for the both of us.” Kari Anne threw back her glass and emptied it, then scrambled out of her nest for a refill. “Keep talking while I do this.”

Isak laid out the rest of his timeline for the piece, how it would be set and go to print that night. Kari Anne brought her drink and a second bun back to the couch. “Are you scared?”

“Of printing my story?” Isak laughed.

“Not of the literal printing, but of what’s going to happen next. You’re dealing with drugs, and I’m assuming violence, as well as a network of people primed for both. What’s going to happen once you blow their cover?”

“We’re shutting it down. Nothing is going to happen.”

“You’re not afraid of retaliation?”

“That’s the upside to the cops nearly ruining my investigation. They’re aware of what’s happening and they’ll be ready to pursue their suspects once the information is public. We think they’ve been waiting to figure out more—whether it’s more players involved or more materials being transported—but I’ve figured out enough to warrant public awareness. It’s in the police’s best interest to take action on what I’m sharing and what I’m sharing is enough to shut it down.”

Kari Anne did not seem to believe in Isak’s confidence. Her brow furrowed again and she swallowed her concerns with her drink.

“So in all of my meetings with the Chief, he’s run me through investigations like this that he’s been a part of. There seems to be a pattern to reporting crime like this, and the way we’ve managed it thus far is the best case scenario. Sometimes you’ll do reporting and the cops will blow _your_ cover. Other times you’ll present a very clear case to the public and absolutely no action will be taken, as if no one has even read the paper that day. But here we know we have an eager team behind us and the Chief wants me to report it before I get too deep. I have just enough to hit the whole ring in the kneecaps and watch the rest of it fall to the ground.”

“Shit. You make it sound so...beautiful. Like I’m watching the denouement on a crime thriller.”

“That’s the goal: reduce crime and make it look pretty at the same time.”

She cracked a half smile. “Some people sell advertising, some people write tweets, and some people look pretty.”

Isak laughed. “Fuck off.” But he got serious again. “Our only concern at this point is collateral damage. So even though my reporting on this network is wrapped up, we’re on high alert for how it affects other things. As in, I couldn’t confirm if certain people in government were involved on the side, so I’m going to wait and see what happens when certain contacts drop off, how other people react and what sort of business elsewhere comes to a halt.”

“Okay so you’re not _really_ done.”

“Never. After that, then it’s just a waiting game until another ring is formed, until another person amassed enough power and incentive to supply this demand through our country. Or until our video team wants to do a follow up story.”

“Shit, you make everything sound so noble.”

Isak smirked. “I’m not just a pretty face.”

It actually lightened Kari Anne’s mood, first being reassured that Isak was safe and then joining in on the speculation about where his reporting would go next. Since he was going to fall back into a more observational mode, he would have more time to pursue other stories in depth. He still had to do some follow-up with Jakob on the construction case, but he was getting a feeling that it would lead to a dead end. Especially if Jakob was seeing enough progress on other city development projects. This could have just been an outlier, and ultimately, just a waste of Isak’s time.

“Are you itching to dive into something more research-based? Or just a longer term project like this had been?”

Isak had to think about that for a few moments. While he did, Kari Anne got a refill. “Not right now,” he decided as she rearranged her blanket over her legs. “I love the size of this story, and it’s been really great getting involved with the Chief on this level, but it...I would have to find a _solid_ lead for whatever might be next. I mean, that was almost a year of work that could’ve been...nothing. Just a bunch of random graffiti or kids fucking around. I don’t know if I could take a risk like that just because I got lucky with this one.”

“But at the same time you also have a lot of confidence behind you, a lot of flexibility. You have the Chief!”

“I’m _not_ confident that we’re going to stay best friends like this. I’m sure he’ll go back to ignoring me once we’re done.”

“Is he taking a byline?”

Isak rolled his eyes. “Yes. He deserves it, of course. I wouldn’t have gotten this far without his connections and his guidance. But I had dreamed this would be a breakout report for me.”

“Oh Isak, it most definitely _is_. Besides, everyone knows the Chief wasn’t out there on the ground, talking to skateboarders and drug dealers. And the fact that you won’t have your editor on the line either? That says so much. Clearly this is your work. And you literally wrote it up.” She reached across the blankets to pat his knee.

“Thanks.”

It was moments like these, in between his reporting, when he actually had time to think about what his work looked like to the bullpen, to the general public. Most of the time he was too focused on getting the story to worry about his reputation, assuming that the story would do that work for him. But this was an opportunity to lose his work to another name on the byline. It was a worry he didn’t know he’d had, and the fear made him think of Even. He had a perfectly good friend right in front of him—level-headed, intelligent Kari Anne, always with the perfect advice—and he wanted to run to Even’s and ask him if he needed to do something more to the story to protect it, to keep him and his reputation safe. It made Isak sad that he was again overlooking his friend, that somehow he’d replaced her in his mind for someone else. Isak wanted to change the focus off of what he was doing, so he tried to figure out a way to see if she was ready to talk more about herself. “But yeah, that will all happen tomorrow. You’re welcome to hang out in my cubicle if you want to watch it live.”

“Oh! No, we should go hang out in Even’s office. He’ll be watching the response on social media for his reports, so we should go watch it live there.”

While the suggestion was smart, it reminded him of watching the break-up post live in his office too, which made Isak wrinkle his nose.

“Isak, come on, he doesn’t bite.”

“No, I know. He’s fine. I just...I don’t know. I don’t want him to see....” Isak didn’t have a good excuse. Kari Anne filled one in for him.

“He sees everything anyway, no matter what you publish. I swear to god he knows all of our secrets.”

Isak jumped on the segue. “Does he know about whatever was bothering you earlier?”

Kari Anne scrunched up her nose this time. She looked down into her glass as if she were asking it if she were drunk enough. “Ugh. Yes.”

Isak went back to waiting.

“It was the surprise weekend. I, uh…I got dumped.”

“What do you mean, ‘dumped’?”

“A break-up. We’ve been dating since January, and they broke up with me last weekend.”

“You’ve been—_what_? _Who_?” Isak lunged forward once the significant information hit him. “_Dating_?!” The next few words he managed to huff out weren’t actually words, just sounds. 

Kari Anne held up her hands to stop Isak from falling into her lap. “Not any-fucking-more.”

Isak stared at her, trying to reshape Kari Anne right in front of him. “You’ve been dating someone this whole time?” She nodded mutely. Isak backed off, still not believing. “But…but we were talking about your type, we were all looking for, for other people to date.”

“We were talking about Maja’s type. _My_ type is a woman who lives in Bergen and would train into Oslo every few weeks. Well, it _was_.”

Isak couldn’t say anything as he still had to process the information.

“She got tired of always being the one to come to me in the city, and when I chose one of our weekends to see my family instead, she said it was time to break up. So the surprise with my sister was fine, but it also cost me my relationship. And thus: bad drinking.” She held up her glass to toast its final swallow, which went down fast.

“You’ve been…dating…a woman…from Bergen…since January?” Each part was more shocking than the rest and Isak didn’t really know which he should address first.

Kari Anne sighed. “Yes. Please don’t hate me for it.”

“K! What? No! Why would I do that? I’m just so surprised. It’s a lot of information that, frankly, I feel like I should’ve noticed earlier than like…_after_ it’s all over.” Isak’s gaze finally fell into his own lap. Despite his best efforts, he clearly hadn’t been trying at all to be a part of Kari Anne’s life, and he chastised himself again for his obliviousness.

“Well, maybe it’s for the best. It’s truly unnecessary drama that you didn’t need to get involved in, and now you don’t have to. We just get to drink about it for a little bit.”

It was Isak’s turn to get up for a refill, despite his earlier promise. He had to catch up to Kari Anne in more ways than one. “Can…can you give me an abridged version? I don’t need details, but like, a timeline? It feels like you’ve been living this whole separate life that I’ve missed out on.” Isak went back to the couch. Kari Anne put her glass down on the coffee table and snuggled into her blanket.

“We found each other on that app that you are so intent on not using.” Even in her own exposé she managed to shade Isak, which made him laugh. “We started talking before Christmas. And then during the boredom and family of the holidays, she was fun to escape to. It ramped up pretty quickly and we met for the first time in January. She was coming into Oslo for work and it was just this really casual thing. But, um, we fooled around for a few days and since we were getting physical we decided that was us like, actually starting a relationship. So we kept talking and calling and I would see her whenever she came down. Sometimes it was for work but then it started being just, y’know, for us. And it was really sweet. But then she started getting annoyed that it was always her making the long trips to see me, and never me going to see her. She kept doing it though. The talking was still great. The visits were still great. Like, I understand why she broke up with me, but it definitely felt quite sudden when it happened. And now we’re here and I haven’t spoken to her in a week and I…well, I’m sad.”

The furrowed brow that had been such a part of their morning got deeper with more strain, until it broke down into tears on Kari Anne’s face. They fell silently and her chin quivered, but it quickly became too overwhelming for both of them to witness. Isak lunged forward again, but with a bit more grace and an understanding of what was needed. He pulled her into a hug and let her hide her sadness in his chest. “We can be sad about this for a little bit,” he murmured into her hair.

Isak’s curiosity raged while Kari Anne sobbed softly into his shirt. He kept all of his questions to himself, though. She’d given into his first demand, and clearly that had been enough to set her off, so he wasn’t going to push her further. So he tried to meditate on his own history and piece Kari Anne’s new story into it, like any times that she had been vague with plans or given excuses to not hang out with the group or been clearly distracted by a conversation in her phone. He thought about how she’d never really discussed dating, because, apparently, she didn’t have to. She could easily discuss Maja and Marius’s antics to deflect attention, and it had never bothered Isak to understand why that always seemed to be happening. He supposed it had just felt…normal. Isak hadn’t been interested in dating because his own version of it hadn’t been thrilling enough. So perhaps he saw the same in Kari Anne: she didn’t have to be interested in dating either. Except it turned out that it was for the opposite reason; she had had thrills galore. But still, he must have unconsciously clung to her disinterest in, her lack of pressure for, the game. Maybe that’s why it had been easy to overlook, because her secret served him as well.

“I can’t—“ she started, but had to pull her face away for air before she could continue. “I can’t believe I’m crying over this with someone else _again_.” Isak shifted his hands to her shoulders to support her as she sat up straight. Then he roughly swiped at the wetness that had managed to travel just about everywhere on her face.

“I don’t know, it’s probably standard. Like, in the movies, a break-up is never just a single scene. Usually you get a whole montage. We might be toward the end of yours though, if I’m the last to know.”

Kari Anne finished drying her face and flashed Isak a guilty look.

“Am I really the last to know? _Again_?”

“Isak…I say this with all of the love in my heart. You’re really great at figuring out organized crime. Relationships? Not so much.”

He sighed and pulled Kari Anne back in for another hug. “I know. I’m working on it.”

* * *

**Even:** Kari Anne said you left?

**Isak:** Yeah, but I have to visit the skatepark first. I’ll text you when I’m on my way to yours.

Isak had stayed and talked to Kari Anne for a little while longer, until the buns were gone. He tried to be the comfort she needed right then, as well as the problem-solving focus that Kari Anne usually offered to him when he came to her with his issues. He got some more details about her relationship without having to be too invasive; she was willing to share, even though for most of it she avoided eye contact. But by the end she was able to reassure him that she felt better, just from the act of sharing it. Now Isak just had to accomplish the incredibly difficult task of thinking about something else. But he was failing.

He’d gone to the skatepark and taken the photos he needed. Nothing had changed to his eye, but he took pictures just in case, and would compare them at the office on Monday. Being completely distracted by Kari Anne’s own little exposé actually helped him, letting him move around the skateboarders with less obvious intention and looking more like a lost tourist admiring street art than anything. He’d even forgotten to text Even until he was already on the bus, halfway to Even’s place. He took his time climbing the stairs, feeling the buns and the buzz and the exercise, and then burst through Even’s door at the top to unload his conscious. “Did you know Kari Anne was in a secret relationship? With a girl?!”

Even was at the stove, stirring ground beef in a frying pan. Isak’s sudden appearance and very loud questions made him freeze before he could even turn around. “Um.” Isak walked up to the counter and tried to wedge himself between Even and the pan, checking his face for a reaction. 

“That’s what she told me today! That she’d just broken up with a girl who she’d been dating since _January_.” As he told this he remembered that Even already knew. There was a flare of resentment then, that Even hadn’t told him. “Oh wait, you already knew that.”

Even held up a finger to stop Isak, hearing the change in his tone and finally catching up. “Whoa whoa whoa, you need to stop talking right now.” He hit Isak with a hard stare, so his message was clear. Isak swallowed and stepped back. Even turned back to the meat.

“So, first of all, if you’re going to barge into my apartment like that, you owe me a kiss, or at _least_ a ‘hello.’”

Isak rolled his eyes. Even held up his finger again but crooked it toward himself, directing Isak to step in again to correct his mistake. When he did, Even cupped his jaw and held him there for longer than Isak’s reluctant intention.

“Thank you,” he said when he let Isak go. “Now, the next thing we need to address is this: yes, Kari Anne told me that she had been dating a woman. And yes, Kari Anne has now told you that she’s dating a woman. But!” There was that stupid finger again. “She did not tell you to tell me that she was dating a woman.”

“Why does that matter? You already knew.”

“But what if I hadn’t? Regardless, her relationship, which she’d kept a secret for a reason, is not up for discussion with anyone else but her. Just like your relationship isn’t up for discussion with anyone else either.” Even clicked off the burner and shifted over to another one, which was heating up some refried beans.

“But we’ve _all_ talked about my relationship with Emma.”

“Not with Emma, you dumbass. _This_ one. With me.” He used the spoon to gesture between them.

“This isn’t—.“

The spoon replaced the finger. “I swear to god I will kick you down those stairs if you say what you’re about to say. I’m cooking you dinner and sucking your dick. It may be a secret but it’s still a relationship.”

Isak was about to storm off to the living room, not ready to admit that Even’s assessment was true, but when he turned around he saw the rest of the taco dinner prepared with place settings on the table. That was all it took for him to cave. If he was going to be in a relationship, he might as well get a good meal out of it. Plus, eventually, the other thing. He pulled out a chair and sat down heavily.

Even joined him at the table shortly after, setting the two hot pans down in the middle on trivets. “How was the skatepark?”

“Fine.” Isak reached for the foil-covered platter that held the warm tortillas. “Busy, actually. Chief just wanted to confirm if there were any updated tags. Nothing stood out to me though, so we’re not rushing through any edits at this hour.”

Even nodded while he started building his own taco. “Are you ready for tomorrow?” He gave Isak a sly smile, hinting at the excitement. Isak returned the smile to match it.

“Yes, but…let’s not talk about it. I don’t want to jinx anything.”

Even laughed. “You’re not going to jinx anything. I read it and wrote your copy while I was waiting for you.”

“Oh, do I need to—“ Isak was still holding his taco but made a strange gesture that was supposed to represent him reaching for his phone to check his email.

“I didn’t send it to you for approval because that seemed unnecessary. I don’t think in our entire back-and-forth you’ve ever had to correct me, so I wasn’t going to waste our time. Everything is scheduled for tomorrow morning.”

Isak paused, his taco threatening to spill out its tomatoes, but then he agreed. “You’re right. I probably wouldn’t have anything to add.” He could admit that.

“If you’re nervous and want to check, I can show you my dashboard after dinner.” Even pointed in the direction of the living room. But Isak waved it away.

“No, I trust you.”

Even smiled, full and relaxed and grateful for Isak’s assurance. He paid it back in kind. “You did a great job. It’s…it’s going to be like in _Runaway Bride_, when Ike publishes his column and everyone across America stops their day to read it.”

Isak wrinkled his nose. “Ike’s columns were bullshit. Tabloid junk.”

“That’s not the point. I mean, I can see everyone stopping in their tracks for this kind of story. I doubt I actually have too much work to do, in terms of promotion. Everyone will be talking about it.”

Isak blushed under the prediction and praise. He wanted to stop Even again, accuse him of jinxing it. But he also never wanted to stop Even. This was exactly what he wanted to hear from him. So he shoved his taco into his mouth before he actually shoved his own foot.

It was sweet, really, that Even was proud of him, and that he was showing him how proud he was by bringing up Isak’s favorite media. He was speaking Isak’s language, instead of the general bullpen compliment. It made Isak believe the statement more, and calmed some of the nerves he had built up about publication. It would go smoothly, it would be widely read, and Isak would be able to do solid follow-up reporting all the way to a closed case. It was what he needed to believe the night before he went to press, and of course it was Even who was getting him there.

And Even didn’t keep pressing his point, letting Isak’s blush fade and the room relax. They ate their tacos and moved on to other discussions that weren’t about Isak’s work or Kari Anne. Marius had been talking to Even a bit more about football, so he found himself doing research he had never thought he’d be interested in. But now he was caught up on the whole tournament and a handful of individual players who were really depending on these quarterfinals to change their lives. “It’s like finally understanding that there’s this whole other world inside our own, where this specific set of priorities are what keep it spinning. I actually might really get involved on the trip, if he’ll let me tag along.”

“I’m sure he will. He’s always wanted me to be more excited about his work, go to the arenas.”

“Well who wouldn’t be?”

“Sure, but I don’t want to make it my whole life, the way he does.”

“I don’t know that he did that on purpose. I think he just...is Marius, the way that he is, and he got lucky enough to chase something he actually enjoys chasing.”

That made sense to Isak, and actually sparked a little jealousy. Not that Isak wasn’t also doing a similar thing with his own work, but sometimes he wished his own passion didn’t feel so high-stakes. But what Even had just said was that it _was_ high stakes. He was reporting on people’s health and skill and career and families, multiple industries and networks. It was more than just winning and losing and the color of your shirt.

Isak helped Even clean up their dinner, moving between the table and sink and dishwasher in rounds. After the last bowl was tucked into the rack, Even slipped an arm around Isak’s waist and drew him up. “What are you feeling like tonight? Movie? Dessert? Sleepover?”

Isak twisted around and brought his arms up to rest on Even’s shoulders. Even’s hands played with the fabric covering Isak’s waist. “Thank you for dinner. I would like to sleep over, but I have to go in early tomorrow.” Isak didn’t want to pass up the activities of a sleep over, but he also didn’t know how to navigate the morning after. He played with Even’s hair while he tried to strategize.

“How about...we do some sleeping over...” Even pulled Isak in close at the hips and started rocking, to best convey his intentions. “And then we wake up around...four to take a shower. You can go home and get dressed, say hello to Elias, and head into the office.”

“That sounds dumb.”

Even’s brow furrowed at Isak’s judgement. But it was just a joke. Isak smirked. “You know Elias won’t be awake by then.”

Punishment for Isak’s bad joke was an almost wedgie-inducing grip on Isak’s ass that made him squeal and get hard immediately. Isak tugged at the hair he still had his fingers in. “Fucker!” His knees buckled even as he tried to fight. “Ugh.”

“For real though, can we do that? I’ll set an alarm.” Even loosened his grip and softly patted at Isak’s butt instead.

“Do you have any pajamas I can borrow?” Isak asked coyly.

“Oh Isabel, where we’re going we don’t need pajamas.” Even swooped into Isak’s neck, sucked up the start of a hickey, and then swirled the rest of their bodies in the direction of his bed.

* * *

While Even had set an alarm for four o’clock, he woke Isak up an hour earlier with a warm mouth on a soft dick. Isak moaned loud enough that he woke himself up with the noise. “Oh shit, ohhhhh. Holy. I thought you were sucking me off in a dream. Ahhh.”

Even had let Isak’s cock grow hard in his mouth, salivating around it before starting soft pulls. He let it fall out of his mouth and licked his lips. “It’s the real thing this time.”

“What time is it?”

“Three.” He dove back down.

“Hnnng.” Isak arched his back and stretched his legs out to the sides. He was surprised he hadn’t been woken up simply by Even maneuvering between his legs but he wasn’t complaining about it. They’d been rather exhausted after their...humping, anyway, so it made sense that Isak was so knocked out that he wouldn’t wake up for anything less than a blowjob.

The room was dark, but Isak still closed his eyes. He pictured what they’d done before falling asleep, working on building a catalog of fantasies now that he knew what he wanted and was allowed to have it in this bed. Even slowly licked and sucked, and Isak matched the sensation to feeling Even’s dick in his own mouth, the heat and softness of it all. He moved his hands to Even’s head to guide and pace him, and he remembered where his hands had been mere hours ago. The mix of fantasy and reality made his hips thrust forward with need, and he felt the climb toward the crest of his orgasm begin. “Even...yes, like that.”

Even pushed up to his knees to change the angle, to take Isak over the edge. The moan Isak let out would’ve woken Even’s neighbors too, if he had any.

“Mmm.” Isak propped himself up on his elbows to watch Even clean off his cock, licking up the cum that had escaped and swallowing it down his thin throat. The satisfied murmurs he was making made Isak’s cock twitch, which prompted Even to lick at the head, which sent them on a cycle of sensations that quickly became unbearable.

“Come here,” Isak finally managed to choke out. Even let go of his dick and crawled up to kiss Isak. “Let me taste it.” Even opened his mouth and offered his tongue, to share the remnants of the milky white flavor. It didn’t so much as taste good as it tasted sexy, an immediate reminder of his dick in a man’s mouth. Even’s mouth. He knew he was only one or two blowjobs away from tasting and swallowing Even’s cum too. He smiled while they kissed, thinking about his future. “I am...not complaining at all,” Isak whispered between lingering pecks. “But why?”

Even rolled off to the side, and Isak followed his body. Even hooked his left leg over Isak’s right hip to pull him in closer. They adjusted their arms to comfortably hold each other. There was a little space between them still, but not much. When Even spoke, the air tickled Isak’s lips. “Because it’s so hot watching you moan like that. But also because I want a favor in return.”

Isak chuckled, sleepy. “Is three o’clock really the best time for this?”

“Yeah, because I want to do it before I take a shower.”

Isak’s eyes, which had been drooping as he was settling back into sleep, flew open. “You want to get dirty?”

Even smiled. “God, you are so obtuse with certain things, and others you pick up instantly with the most subtle of hints. Yes, I want to get dirty.”

“Okay, I’m awake, let’s go.” Isak immediately threw away the 45-minute nap he was going to take before the alarm went off. He didn’t move from their embrace but his body tensed with attention. Even smiled wider. He nudge his face forward to kiss him. His left arm came up and found Isak’s right. He played with Isak’s fingers.

“Lick it,” he whispered.

“Your butt?” Isak whispered back. Even’s ass wasn’t dirty but it was the dirtiest thing he could think of in the moment. He salivated at the thought.

“No, this.” Even separated Isak’s index finger and held it up to his mouth. Isak darted out his tongue and swiped it like a lollipop. “Suck it. Get it wet.”

Isak paused. “It feels weird to suck your own finger.”

“Weirder than sticking it up my butt?”

Oh. Right. That. Even had mentioned it before, a stop on the way to fucking him. It was hot to hear him talk about it, to hear how much he wanted it, but Isak had always considered it more of a fantasy. He didn’t know that it was going to actually happen, that Isak was going to be the one to do it. He put his finger in his mouth and sucked on it, mostly to process what was happening and stall without stalling.

“I like...I like when you lick me.” Even chased Isak’s wandering, avoiding gaze with his eyes and soft voice. “And I want more. I want more of you.”

Isak popped his very wet finger out of his mouth. “Couldn’t wait until a more decent hour, eh?” He joked because he was nervous.

“I’ve been waiting, Isak. All summer.”

Isak whined. He was so turned on by Even’s desire, but he was so afraid of it too. It was an intensity, an expectation, that was growing by the second.

“Touch me, Isak. Touch me like you lick me. And then...just...keep going.” Even hitched his leg up a little farther, opening up his groin to Isak. Isak’s wet finger hovered between them while he stared at Even, listening to the directions and encouragement.

“I want to make you feel good.” _I’m so scared I won’t._

“You do.”

Isak kissed him. He kissed Even so he could close his eyes, and then he wouldn’t have to see if Even was lying. All he had to do was kiss and feel and maybe then it would be good. He dropped his hand down.

Even smiled when it grazed their dicks, and Isak pressed into the kiss as Even’s mouth grew. His hand found Even’s cock, then his balls, then the smooth strip of skin that he liked to stroke before he got to Even’s hole. He was guided closer to it by Even’s whimper, and the shift of his hips to give Isak’s hand more room.

Isak had to dip his head into Even’s neck as his arm stretched down between them. Even smoothly accommodated it, letting him inch down freely. When Isak was in a more comfortable position, he opened his eyes. All he had in front of him was Even’s skin, his shoulder and chest and nipple. He kissed all of that too. His finger explored.

“Push it in, Isak. Please,” Even whispered into his hair.

Isak was circling. He was familiar with this skin, the sensitive ridges and the wetness it trapped from his finger. He could feel small pulses, and he knew what the attempted grip felt like against his tongue. He just had to...replace it with his finger. That should be easy. Straightforward. Just...push.

“Ooooooh, oh fuck. Fuck yes. Isak....” Even was _pulling_ on Isak’s finger. Isak didn’t have to push. Even’s hole clenched around the tip and demanded more. Isak panted, drooled into Even’s chest. He sank into Even up to his first knuckle, and the mere concept of being inside Even, or penetrating him, made his dick surge to a full erection. “Fuck me, Isak. Push more. Fuck me...it feels so good.” Even’s hand was in Isak’s hair, holding on for dear life, but in a flash he let go and shoved it between their bodies. “I have to—!”

Isak’s finger sunk in a little further. It was impossibly tight, a firm clench underneath those small pulses, and Even was grinding, fucking himself on the tip. Isak tried to hold him in place with his free arm, still afraid he was going to poke Even too sharply somehow, even when his finger felt immovable and trapped inside the heat.

“Fuck, Isak.” Even was panting and stroking and writhing. “I fucking love it. Keep—just do that. Fuck me harder.” Even’s left leg was shaking, from a mix of pleasure and tension from trying to keep his legs open for Isak. Isak got scared, unable to control the body he was inside, and a burst of adrenaline pushed him forward. He rolled into Even, using his weight to get him on his back. His finger popped free in the motion, and Even screamed. “Oh! _Oh_! Isak, please.” Flat on his back, Even splayed his legs. “Put it back in.”

With everything spread now, Isak had to look. He sat up on his knees. Even’s dick was a deep red, being squeezed in another impossible grip from Even’s left hand. His hole was small and puffy, but the pulses made it look like it was talking, demanding. Isak used his left hand to spread the cheeks. There was some wetness but Isak could tell he needed more. Without thinking, he sucked on his finger again. Even moaned at the sight and sped up his strokes. Isak pressed the pad of his finger against the puffy skin.

“Oh fuck oh fuck.”

Isak glanced up at Even’s face, at his eyebrows drawn up and mouth hanging open. He was starting to sweat.

“Please.”

Isak straddled Even’s right leg to hold him in place. He pulsed his finger against the hole, heavy taps that teased.

“Isak!”

Isak gathered Even’s balls in his left hand and pushed them up against his dick. They were out of the way. Isak plunged.

Even cried. He gasped for air and then cried again, a release that Isak could see on his face and feel through his balls and clench around his finger. Isak had to yell over Even’s orgasm. “I can feel you coming!” he announced a half second before the evident cum shot into the air. It was thrilling to watch, and almost made his own dick shoot across Even’s thigh. “Holy shit.”

Isak didn’t move until Even had finished stroking and slapped at his hand still holding his balls. “Let go.” Even’s voice was rough with strain. He released his grip.

“Can...can I pull it out?” Isak accidentally moved his finger while he asked the question, which sent a spasm up Even’s body.

“Ah! Yes. Wait, no.” He moved his hands down to his balls, one to press against his own taint and the other to hold Isak’s wrist. “Wait. Um. Do it very slowly. And...and if it’s dirty, don’t freak out.”

Isak had forgotten about the dirty part, the literal part of this whole favor. He looked down at his finger and tried to picture the knuckle that was still buried in Even’s butt. Was he touching shit right now?

“I said don’t freak out!”

“I’m not freaking out!” Isak yelled back, eyes still stuck on his finger.

“Fuck. No. No, it’s clean. I cleaned myself really well. I shouldn’t have said that. Just pull it out.” Even tugged on Isak’s wrist.

“No.”

“Isak.”

“Ahhhh stop squeezing it!”

Even laughed. “Pull it out!”

“If it’s dirty you owe me five million blowjobs.”

“Fine, yes, just get the fuck out of my ass!”

Isak shut his eyes again. He slowly pulled his finger out, and the feeling of Even’s ass hole clenching around it as it moved, combined with Even’s little moans, was turning him on despite being fully grossed out mere seconds ago. But then his finger was out and Even sighed. Even sat up.

“It’s clean. Open your eyes.”

He did. He brought his finger closer to his face to check. The room was still dark and he wasn’t sure. Even leaned in to examine it too.

“I know you’re grossed out right now but that was seriously the hottest thing you’ve ever done.”

“Uh, thanks?”

Even snorted. “Get off my leg and we can go clean up.”

They untangled each other all while Isak held his one finger aloft. He could see it wasn’t dirty, and he knew that it hadn’t been when he’d first popped out of Even’s ass, but his mind couldn’t let go of the fact that the finger had been where Even’s poop usually was. He followed the guilty butt out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

The lights of the small, tiled room were bright, but they finally confirmed everything was clean. Even spread his cheeks and spanked his own ass in the mirror while Isak washed his hands. “Fucking pristine.” Isak laughed. “And I’m kind of surprised you freaked out considering you’ve stuck your tongue up in there.”

“I didn’t ‘stick my tongue up in there,’ I _licked_ you. There’s a difference.” To somehow prove his point, Isak wiped his damp hands down Even’s chest. “My finger was _inside_ you.”

“That’s the _point_.” Even brushed Isak’s hands away and turned around to start the shower. Isak stared at the butt again.

“And you liked it?”

Even turned back around, first looking at Isak through the mirror then facing him straight on. “Of course I did. Best orgasm ever. Followed shortly thereafter by the _worst_ pillow talk, but I suppose something was bound to fuck up on the first time.” To reassure him Even moved in close and angled his face for a kiss. But Isak leaned back.

“So you liked having something in your butt.” Isak didn’t inflect his voice to make it a question but the doubt was there anyway, for Even to answer to.

“I did. I do. Never thought I would, but I was curious enough, and when I was uh, cleaning myself, it wasn’t a total turn-off.”

Isak squinted. “What do you mean, cleaning yourself?”

Even fidgeted, tugging on a towel on the rack and avoiding Isak’s gaze. “Well, you can…wash yourself. You can spray water up your butt, inside, and like…flush it out.” He dropped into a crouch so fast that it scared Isak and he lost his balance. He reached out for the counter to steady himself while Even opened the cabinet door below the sink. He pulled out a box. “This is an enema you can use. You push the saline solution up and then you basically take a shit and you can do that until the water comes out clean and then you know there isn’t anything left inside you.”

“You used this?” Isak gently took the box and started to read the description.

“Well, no. I only used my shower head to really clean up. I lubed up my finger and stuck it in to like…practice. And one time it came out with poop on it, but then I figured out how to clean myself so it wouldn’t. _Also_, most importantly, I added fiber supplements daily, so that helped. I read that a lot of guys, if they have a good diet, then they don’t need to do like, a deep clean every time. It’s like…car maintenance.” Even screwed up his face at the weird metaphor, but didn’t, or couldn’t, explain it a different way. He waited for Isak to finish reading the box.

“This seems like…a lot.”

“A lot of what?”

“Um, work? To have sex with a guy. To clean yourself out every time.”

“Well, ideally, you can just try to eat certain things so you won’t _need_ to clean yourself out. Or, just get comfortable with the idea that you might get dirty sometimes. But then you can clean up after.” As if to demonstrate, Even turned away to step into the warmed up shower.

Isak set the box down on the counter and followed him in. They started shampooing in silence, with Isak processing all of the new information he’d just gotten and Even letting him. Even gave him a brief head massage, which felt good, and broke the tension that was building up with everything that their conversation implied. But mostly they focused on getting themselves clean and ready for a long day at the office. There wasn’t much time for any extra activities under the water.

Isak brushed his teeth and put on yesterday’s clothes. Even offered to make him a breakfast taco using leftovers from last night but Isak declined. He was getting nervous about his story again, and felt like the only safe place for him was to be in his cubicle. If he was there, he could address any problems that came up immediately. He could answer the phone. So he kissed Even goodbye and went back to his apartment to get changed.

He’d been woken up by a surprise blowjob, though at this rate, he should probably get used to them. Then at the apartment, there was another surprise: Elias was sitting on the couch eating cereal. Isak froze at the sight, still halfway through the door. “What time is it?” Was he running _that_ late?

Elias checked his phone. “Almost six.”

That made more sense. Except: “Why are you awake?”

Elias crunched. Isak let the door close and took off his shoes. “I was awake at like, four, and then I thought I should just...stay awake. So I’m eating breakfast.”

“That sounds like the logic that I used pretty heavily back in university.”

Elias smiled and a little bit of milk dribbled out of the corner of his mouth. “It hasn’t failed me yet!”

Isak laughed and headed for his room. If it was almost six, he was almost running late. Well, late for his personal goal of arriving early, which technically meant he would be on time but that still added to his anxiety. He just had this feeling that everything was falling apart without him realizing it, even though he hasn’t received any emails or texts warning him otherwise. He was just so desperate to tell the right story, and not have it somehow told for him.

He pulled clean clothes off of hangers, and swapped his outfit. He briefly debated grabbing a bowl of cereal like Elias, but quickly decided he would pick something up at the cafeteria on the way in. He combed his hair and grabbed his bag, ready as he would ever be.

“Hey.” Elias stopped him while he was putting on another pair of shoes.

“Yeah?”

“Are you seeing a bunch of different people, or is this a steady thing with just one person?”

“What?” Isak was so focused on work that he was blindsided by the personal question, even if it was coming from his roommate.

“You stayed overnight again, and it’s obviously not a work thing because you took a shower, and last week you said it wasn’t a dating thing. So I thought maybe it’s getting serious with just one person?”

“Jesus Elias, you’d be a great investigative reporter.” Isak tried to chuckle away his nerves.

“Come on man, I’m just concerned.”

“Concerned about what?” There was a slight edge to Isak’s voice. He did not want his personal life to be investigated, and Elias didn't seem to get the message after the first time he questioned him. Elias shifted uncomfortably.

“Just…if…if you’re with someone. I'm worried.”

Isak reached for the door, annoyed. He didn't know why Elias would have to be worried, and he wasn't going to give him a reason to be, either. He turned to leave without an answer.

“Isak! I just…you’re going to break his heart.”

Isak left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [someone asked for me to describe even's apartment better](https://folerdetdufoler.tumblr.com/post/628187200204439552/hi-i-really-enjoy-reading-magic-eight-ball-but#notes) because it was difficult to picture. here is a layout i made (except nothing is really to scale and it doesn't look like it would fit in an actual building). JESUS CHRIST IF THIS IMAGE FILE WON'T EMBED then just view it at the link on tumblr SORRY  
  
also here is [a link to an apartment](https://thenordroom.tumblr.com/post/190618029083/scandinavian-attic-apartment-thenordroomcom) that inspired his monochrome style.


End file.
